Chapter Text
Even though his better judgement told him not to go to school, Justin thought a bit of normality would be good in his life right now. He didn't have a family, a girlfriend or friends but somehow he dragged his depressed, lonely self to school. As he walked towards the building, his bag on his shoulder, he could hear the people he used to call friends talking loudly like nothing was wrong and like nothing had happened.
Yesterday Justin left behind the only person who was actually there for him and even though he hated the boy with every ounce of anger inside him, he was lost without him. There was no point in being on the school sports team anymore, not with Bryce still the star, and there was no point in coming to school and seeing Jessica happier without him. Justin didn't see any point in being here but he promised himself he'd give life one last chance before he took the gun in his bag and ended everything. One more hopeless chance at life, just like Hannah had, and Justin was almost positive his life would end the same way as hers. Instead of having people care like they did for Hannah, everyone would be glad to be rid of him including his mom.
"Hey! Justin!" the one voice that Justin didn't want to hear called out to him and with a swift movement into the front entrance of the school, he managed to escape. Justin didn't want to see or hear from Bryce, he thought he'd made that pretty clear when he left him in that alleyway the previous day.
It wasn't just Bryce that Justin had distanced himself from, it was everyone. In that respect it was somewhat his fault that he was alone, but could he really be blamed when all of his friends ditched him when he needed them the most? When Jessica and Bryce weren't answering his calls it was the blonde boy that took him in, not his friends. Alex and Justin never considered each other friends, not until Alex let Justin stay at his house a few days ago.
Justin felt his phone buzzing in his pocket, pulling it out and declining what was probably the tenth call he'd had from Zach from only this morning. It should have struck him as urgent when the number went into double digits, but he wasn't thinking. All Justin was thinking about was the weapon in his bag and how lonely he felt. He kept up a hard face but his tired eyes showed more emotion than he wanted them to. The brunette walked through the halls and towards his locker, glad he wasn't being bothered for now.
The halls filled with students when the first bell rang, Justin standing with his head hid behind his locker. Without any eyes on him he allowed his face to fall, his eyes watering just a little in the process, but then he slammed the locker shut in frustration at himself. An announcement sounded over the tannoy, Justin only half paying attention.
"Students must report to the gymnasium after the second bell rings for an emergency announcement, thank you."
Why was he even here? What was the point in even trying?
Justin had every intention of leaving but was stopped when he turned around and almost collided with Zach. "Where the fuck have you been?" Zach asked, his voice holding an accusing tone. Zach had searched for Justin since school ended yesterday and he wasn't in any of the places Zach could think of to look.
"What do you care?" Justin rolled his eyes and adjusted the strap of his bag over his shoulder. His eyes were still slightly glassy but he sucked in a breath through his nose while straightening his posture and standing tall. He wasn't as tall as Zach but he wasn't going to look weak in front of someone who he wouldn't consider much of a friend anymore. To put things simply, Justin was homeless. He couldn't go to Bryce's and he couldn't stay with Jessica, Zach never picked up his phone anymore and Justin hated asking for favours from people who didn't owe him.
His eyes glanced over to the locker he knew belonged to Alex but there was no one there, maybe the blonde wasn't in school today. Things had gotten too much for a lot of people recently, which was the reason why Justin thought Jessica and Alex weren't at school. His assumption was right for both but for the bleach blonde haired boy it was a lot more extreme than things just being 'too much'.
Justin hadn't looked at Zach enough to see his bloodshot eyes and the dark circles surrounding them. "Justin I've been calling you. Where the fuck were you? We need to talk. Right now," he ordered, or at least tried to, but his voice cracked and his words were more begging than insisting. This slight weakness caused Justin to look up at his former friend.
His eyes were the first thing Justin noticed, the fact they were red and puffy from crying. It looked like he'd been crying a lot, not to mention fresh tears were already coming to his eyes. Something told Justin that he should have answered those calls but before he could agree to Zach's request, the second bell rang. They had to go to the gym for an emergency announcement, something Zach didn't look in a hurry to get to.
"Wait, Justin," he begged and grabbed Justin's arm when the boy tried to walk away. Justin only shook Zach's hand off of him harshly. "Justin I need to-"
A voice broke their conversation. Mr. Porter. "Shouldn't you two be at the gym?" the teacher asked. It sounded like the man had something bothering him too but Justin couldn't think straight or piece it all together. He just walked passed Zach, colliding into his shoulder harshly, and headed towards the gym.
Everyone filed into the school's gym, a tense atmosphere engulfing each student that entered. They all sat down in the stands, watching as the headmaster shared some quiet words with a teacher. Normally the students would be laughing until told to listen by the headmaster but with the looks on all of the teacher's faces and the pained way the headmaster was looking at the students, no one felt that this was a normal announcement. Instead of being loud and messing around like they normally did, the students sat down silently. Justin walked in a little bit late but they hadn't started yet, they were waiting for Mr. Porter, even though the man probably shouldn't be there.
The students didn't need quieting down because the tears escaping Mrs. Bradley's eyes kept them worriedly silent, besides the odd whisper of the teens asking if anyone knew what was going on. This was all too familiar to the way they told the students about Hannah.
Justin sat down at the front despite Bryce trying to catch his eye and wave him over to the back. Zach followed him inside but knew better than to sit with him so the boy too sat alone on the other side of the gym, everyone awaiting the announcement. Mr. Porter's presence was all it took for the headmaster to stand forwards.
It was all so familiar and it was all so fucked up. The difference was that everyone knew about Hannah before that assembly, but this time no one knew what was going on. Everyone was growing restless and stressed, Justin included. Justin quickly looked around for the people he thought might be the subject of this announcement, wondering if he could determine a name before the headmaster told them. Tyler was here, Courtney was here, Sheri was too, obviously Zach was, Bryce was...
Jessica?
The teen gulped, his breathing picking up slightly as he stared intensely at the headmaster. The students had waited long enough and finally the man spoke. "I would like to thank you all for being here," he only realised how cruel that could have sounded considering the situation, considering there was a student who wasn't here. "As you can probably tell there has been an incident. One of your classmates-"
Everyone expected the worst, everyone expected those two words: committed suicide. Those words did follow the headmaster's statement, but were accompanied by another and this other word gave some hope to the students of Liberty.
Attempted.
"-attempted to commit suicide two days ago."
A few gasps left the students' mouths, both shock and alarm on their features. This was when people started to truly search the room for any missing classmates and for anyone that was there. People locked eyes with friends and classmates, unable to determine who it was with the amount of absent people. A chatter started amongst them all too, even if it was mostly quiet, but they couldn't help themselves from asking 'who' and conspiring.
"Who was it?" someone in the crowd of students asked, unable to keep the unanswered question quiet. All of them needed to know, Justin couldn't just sit there in worry it was Jessica either. If it was then he didn't know what he'd do, it'd be partially his fault after all. Everyone quietened back down when the question was asked and they expected an answer.
Instead of answering that question, the headmaster continued with details that the students both cared and didn't care about. "The student is in the hospital in a critical condition, they are stable but the family wanted students informed so if any friends were to-"
"Who the fuck was it?" Justin screamed when the anxiety became too much, standing up from where he was sitting and staring at the headmaster, who looked shocked at the boy's outburst. The man was sympathetic towards Justin when he saw how distraught and worried he was. Justin couldn't think and he couldn't breathe, his whole body was shaking and he closed his hands into fists to contain some of his emotion. Tears had already escaped his eyes, this enough to make the headmaster nod.
"Alex Standall."
Everything stood still.
It wasn't Jess but somehow hearing that name hurt ten times worse. Justin shook his head a few times, trying not to believe what he was being told. The last name he expected to hear was the one of the blonde haired boy, the kind hearted and troubled boy, who Justin had tried to find in the halls that morning. How stupid of him, how fucking stupid.
"Fuck," Justin exclaimed, the pain in his voice obvious. Everyone was staring at Justin while he reached his breaking point, as he finally let himself break. It didn't matter anyway, Justin didn't plan on seeing any of these people again. He didn't plan on seeing anyone again.
Justin grabbed his bag from the floor and stormed out of the door, slamming it behind him. Sobs escaped his lips and his eyes overflowed with tears. "Fuck!" he screamed and punched one of the many lockers in the hall he had escaped into. His voice echoed throughout the halls and it was safe to say the other students were confused as to why Justin cared to much. Sure, Alex had hung around with Justin for a while, but it didn't strike the other students as a very close friendship. In fact, it was rather unlikely, but Justin showed more emotion and sadness than any other student in that gymnasium.
Most people were shocked because of what happened but Alex didn't have that many friends, there wasn't one person he was close to anymore. He'd befriended Jessica and Clay recently but other than that he really didn't have anyone, Justin blamed himself for that.
"Justin," Mr. Porter said calmly as he walked down the hall towards the boy. Justin didn't want to hear it, he really didn't want to hear it, so he left through the front of the school with his knuckles bleeding and his face wet with tears.
Just as he reached into his bag for the gun he had under a few of his t-shirts, a voice stopped him. The voice sounded a lot more broken than Zach's, a male voice, and it was one he vaguely remembered. "Justin, right?" Justin's fingers brushed passed the cold weapon in his bag and he looked up at the man. Alex's brother? Justin nodded at the question, sniffling and wiping his tears away away. It was only for them to be replaced by new ones, but he hated crying. "You're Alex's friend?"
Friend, there was some humour in that statement, but Justin could only nod. He wanted to be Alex's friend but he was a pretty shit one if he couldn't even be there for him. Alex had been there when Justin needed somewhere to stay but Justin had never returned the favour of helping him out. He'd stayed in Alex's house, in his bedroom, and he hadn't noticed anything at all, not that he was depressed or considering suicide. Justin wasn't a good friend to have.
Alex's brother looked relieved when Justin nodded but Justin didn't feel so relieved himself, he was actually confused as to why it'd be a good thing. The truth was that Alex never brought his friends over, besides Justin, so the family had been searching for a friend of his since Alex shot himself. Someone, that being Zach, called Alex after it happened and Alex's dad had been the one to break the news to him. Even though Zach sounded concerned and sad, it was nothing compared to what the blonde's brother just witnessed from Justin's reaction.
"Shouldn't you be at the hospital?" Justin asked, trying to act strong even though he felt the opposite. Couldn't this guy just leave so that he could end it? Justin brushed his fingers against the cold metal in his bag once more, it was really tempting, but he stopped as soon as he heard the words that left Alex's brothers mouth.
"Shouldn't you?"