Work Text:
#
April 13
Magnus → Isak, Jonas, Mahdi
(7:23pm)
Magnus: Do you know that cheetahs are not capable of running at highest speed for more than fifteen seconds?
because their tiny little brains can't sustain the temperature elevated by running
Mahdi: really?
so what, they stop to take a rest every fifteen seconds?
Magnus: exactly
otherwise they'll literally burn to death
Jonas: how do you know about this?
Magnus: documentary
that's right suckas, I watch doc, and learn!
Mahdi: chill man, nobody said anything
Magnus: believe me, I can sense your judgments from AIR
or radio waves in it
is that what messages are transferred through?
Jonas: keep watching docmentaries and you'll find out
Magnus: YOU BET I WILL SMARTASS
anyway
I kinda feel sorry for these poor things
Mahdi: who? cheetahs?
Jonas: why? because they're the fastest animals walking on earth and can kill you with one slap?
Magnus: good point
but no
can you imagine how horrible their sex must be like?
I bet the lady cheetahs out there never have a decent orgasm in their entire lives
they're like, okay, there you go, ten seconds, done
Mahdi: wow, didn't see that coming
but I think their intercourses are just for inproduction?
as long as the dudes goal in, I don't think the ladies give much shit about time
or pleasure
Magnus: huh
interesting
what about the gay cheetahs?
I'm sure they don't do it for baby
BTW where's Isak?
Jonas: according to Even's ins, they're having dinner in some fancy restaurant
with candles&flowers&all
Mahdi: how could you possibly still following him?
Jonas: what do you mean?
they're cute
Magnus: in a disgusting way
Isak: ...you know I'm in this group right?
Magnus: oh here you are
okay, tell me my friend
do you admit that your intercourses with someone of your own sex is in persuit of sheer joy?
(6min later)
Magnus: uhm, maybe it's not explicit enough for you to answer
let me try another way
did you ever have orgasm during your sexual experiences with men?
(3min later)
Isak: *MAN
singular
only Even
*orgasmS
plural
and I won't dignify your question with an answer
Magnus: awww don't be shy
it's nice to share knowledge with your friends
I'm so proud of you
Isak: it's not knowledge
it's privacy
you dumbass
Magnus: it's possible that cheetahs consider their endurance problem as privacy too
but people find out anyway
you know why?
Mahdi: because people put cameras on them all day long?
Magnus: no, because IT'S DAMN HARD TO NOT NOTICE!
Isak: notice what?
Magnus: they stop running every fifteen seconds!
scroll up your messages man it's right there
Jonas: no Magnus he means what did you notice about HIM
Magnus: oh
right
sorry
I mean the obscene sound you make IN PUBLIC when you talk with him!
THE HICKEYS ALL OVER YOUR BODY!!
and in case you don't know you can use foundation to cover them
like the make up
Vilda shew me once, it's freaking magic
now I use it to cover my pimples
Isak: well, Even may find it useful but
fine by me
I don't have anything to hide
Magnus: that's what I'm talking about bro!
you feel comfortable with your relationship , right?
you like to show off your intimacy
Isak: excuse you?
I just can't help being close with him okay?
not showing off
nah
Mahdi: you can't hear me but I snorted
aloud
Isak: okay
maybe a little?
Jonas: it's not a bad thing
you guys are cute
and definitely not in a disgusting way
Isak: thank you J
Magnus: whatever
all I wanna say is that if you don't want me to ask, sure, I'll never ask again, it's fine
Mahdi: I'm sensing a but here
Magnus: BUT
I don't want you to get the wrong idea that there's something "private" that you can't talk with us
we are bros, dude
we talk about EVERY-F*KING-THING
Jonas: he's right you know
we don't want that "family meetings" incident happens again, do we?
Isak: no we don't
thanks bros
I appreciate it
Magnus: good
now let's officially start talking about Isak's sex life
Mahdi: objection!
let's talk about yours
as a straight single man I find yours more tempting
Jonas: seconded
Isak: thirded
Mahdi: 3 to 1
BRING IT MAGNUS!
(4min later)
Jonas: hello?
Isak: did you die?
(7min later)
Magnus: hey guys this is Vilde
me and this shithead have something negotiation to do right now
talk to you later <3
(2h43min later)
Magnus: next time she took my phone
CALL POLICE
Mahdi: oh you're alive!
good night then
Jonas: night
see you tomorrow
Magnus: you'll be punished for your betrayals
be afraid
be very afraid
(32min later)
Isak: good night