Chapter Text
“Listen, listen, l-listen.” Taako watched Magnus sputter, already on his seventh shot. “If the Director doesn't know there's a dog up here, it's not breaking any rules. So what if-what if we smuggled a dog up here and had a secret club for dogs. She can't stop us if it's a secry!”
Avi set down his flask, already drunk enough to be leaning on Johann. “I don't know Mags, we'd need to see if she's like allergic or some shit first, because if she is our asses are grass my man.”
Merle set down his beer. He wasn't one to drink too much, however he was finding humor in his friends drunken ramblings. “What if we got one of the bracers and put it on a dog, I mean technically they'd be an employee then, right?”
Magnus, Avi, and Johann looked at Merle as if he cracked the secret to the Directors vault. “Holy shit man…… That just might work.”
“I know, I'm a genius!”
Taako was quiet while the others talked, his glass of wine still untouched. If someone was going to do some stupid shit tonight, there wasn't a chance in hell Taako was going to miss out on recording that. The boys were making plans that would be forgotten in the morning most likely, while the Sun elf dug around his bag. Quietly taking out his stone of Farspeech, he opened up his Fantasy Browser. Learning if a spell had any physical components was a lot easier when you could just Fantasy Google it. Looking through the pouch he started to Lazily stack things.
Huh, Polymorph only takes a Caterpillar Cocoon. My bag could manage that. Shits intermediate, but I could manage it. I've gotten a lot better with my magic.
Taako had set out a few butterfly wings, a small frown on his face. He'd have to stop by fantasy Costco later and pick up more Quartz Dust. “Hey Taako, I've been meaning to ask, what's with the magic pouch?” Magnus had already downed another two shots, now leaning on the slim Elf.
“Huh?”
“Me and Avi are gonna go get more ice, Merle do you want to come with?” The completely sober half elf was stuck with a very clingy Avi, who was mumbling about ice skating.
“Someone's got to make sure you kids don't fall on your asses, sure.”
Once the others left the room, Magnus continued “Like, is it bottomless? Where does the stuff come from? How does it work?” Magnus was hugging the Elf at this point, not wanting to fall on the Wizard. “Is it why you get cold so easily Taako? Do I need to fight it?” Magnus was reaching for behind his back, forgetting that railsplitter was by the wall.
“Gods no! You don't- you don't need to fight my inanimate components bag Magnus. It's just a special bag I got forever ago. It lets me do my magic hands free and not have to pull out like bat wings and shit in the middle of battle.” Taako left off the part where it could conjure more simple ingredients, such as bird feathers or sand. He was not about to risk his shit. He set the bag down on the table to face Magnus. “See, it can't hurt me, well, not unless I scrape my hand on a sharp rock or a shark tooth or some shit.”
“Oh… Are you s- wait, SHARK TEETH?” Magnus quickly scooped up the elf, glaring at the bag lying harmlessly on the table.
Taako quietly cursed under his breathe, regretting his words. “Magnus, relax, I swear it's fine I just-” Taako was cut off when Magnus gently held his hands, examining them. He was confused as to what the Ruff Boi was looking for, he didn't have anything on his hands, other than-
Shit. Even after seven Years, Sazed you're still fucking me over. Even when you're not around anymore. Not like I can blame you, you probably saw how shitty a person I'd be in a few years.....
Magnus frowned, seeing all the thin, tiny scars covering his Friends palms and hands. “..... Taako? Does doing magic ever…. Ever hurt you?”
Fuck my life with a morning star and drown me in acid, Magnus can we not doing the feelings shit when you're close to being drunk as hell. Please?
“No Magnus, it doesn't hurt me, not unless I do something stupid and aim a fire spell at myself. So relax ya big lug. These are from…… older times, ya dig?” Taako offered Magnus a smile, trying to bullshit his way through this emotional stream that was closing in. “I should technically be asking you if carrying Railsplitter around hurts your hands, you've got quite the collection of scars too.”
Magnus sat back in his seat, still holding Taako. He traced over one of Taako's scars while trying to think of what could've caused a scar like that. It reminded Magnus of something, he just wasn't sure what. “I'm not like, being weird, am I? I know you're not usually a touchy feely person but this isn't like weird, is it?”
“Mag-”
“You're surprisingly huggable, you know that right?”
Taako stared at the man as if he just insulted his Aunts cooking. “Excuse me?”
“I bet it's because you're small and shit, you always look like a drowned kitten whenever it rains and your hair gets in your face.”
Fucking Great, I've gone from a Tipsy handsy Magnus, to a Drunk cuddly Burnsides.
“Call me a cat again hombre and I'll make sure you spend the day as a fucking cat.”
Magnus went quiet for a Moment, thinking as hard as his drunk mind would let him. “..... Taako if you can make me a cat, can-can you turn me into a dog for the day. Holy shit. Holy shit that would be amazing. Taako can you turn people into dogs?”
Not the way I thought the topic would shift, but fuck it I'll take it.
“I can do you one better, but you can't see it until the morning.” And if I fuck this up, I'd probably just have to go to the med bay for a day.
“I think I can wait.” Magnus shifted the Elf carefully, not wanting them to fall. He was staring at the bag again, as if trying to taunt the bag by hugging its owner and intimidate it with his glare.
“Magnus, come on big guy what's eating you? you're gonna burn a hole in the table at this rate.”
“I'm gonna fight it.” Was the only Response he gave Taako.
“Fight what? The table? you can't fight the table.” Magnus you get ridiculous sometimes, don't fight the table. It's not even our table.
Magnus merely set Taako down, wrapping him up in the blanket that was hanging off the couch. He grabbed up railsplitter from the wall. “I'm gonna fight it and win. I'm gonna win!”
“Mag-”
“Hey you stupid bag! I'm gonna chop you up!”
“Magnus I swear to God, so help me if you damage my bag I'm going to-”
Magnus was sitting on the counter in the kitchen. Taako patching up a few cuts and scrapes on the Ruff Boi. Magnus’s eyes were watering as Taako dabbed Peroxide onto the cuts, the blanket still wrapped around him. A small sniffle could be heard from Magnus, The table they were using earlier was in pieces. “I warned you to not fight my Bag Magnus, how you even missed it by so-so much I still don't understand.”
“Your bag is a dirty cheater, that's how. It was trying to choke me!”
“That's because you somehow got the straps wrapped around your neck when you fucking crashed face first into the table.” Taako readjusted the ice pack Magnus was holding to his cheek, a frown on his face. “You gotta keep it here to help with the swelling big guy.”
Magnus merely muttered under his breathe about dirty cheating bags and how they're best friend stealers who would go after Merle next. “I still don't trust that shifty bag.”
“Magnus for the last time it's an inanimate bag, it can't do anything to you, or to Merle, or anyone else you care about. The only person it can hurt is me and that's only when I put shit into it and end up nicking myself on something sharp.”
“I care about you Taako. You're family.” Magnus placed a hand on the Elven mans shoulder. “You know that, right? You and Merle and Avi and the void fish and-”
Taako zoned out for a Moment as Magnus kept listing people, the small cotton ball falling into the peroxide. Family wasn't a term he was used it, it was almost foreign. He knows families usually live together, and did things together. The Bureau was a big family then, right? “That's one hell of a big Family Mags, how do you plan on getting them all candle nights gifts?”
“It's a secret.”
“What, you won't even tell little old me? Magnus what if I'm secretly using this time to figure out what to get you? Throw a wizard a bone here man.” Taakos Sarcasm was lost on Magnus, a Grin forming on his face.
“You're getting me a giiiift?”
“I'm thinking on it. It would probably help if-”
“You should bake cookies, I bet everyone would love them.” Magnus smiled, leaning his head on one of the cupboards.
"I'll think about it… No promises though.”
Magnus scooped up the petite Elf, a giant smile on his face. “If you do everyone will love them and then you'd smile and be happy and shit and-” a yawn cut him off before he could finish. “They beat the shitty Fantasy Costco cookies I bet……”
“I'll think about it, now you need to-” Taako frowned, feeling a slight weight on his head. It wasn't until the snores started that he figured out Magnus had fallen asleep. “God damn it Magnus!”
When Merle, Avi, and Johann returned, they were greeted with quiet the sight.
Merle Set the ice in the chest, Johann helping Avi to the couch. He saw the table in pieces, and a very agitated looking Taako being cuddled by Magnus, who was still asleep on the counter. “What the hell did we miss?”