Archive of Our Own

“Shh,” Poe whispered, ahead of Finn only by a few paces. His voice echoed inside Finn’s helmet, and he tuned it out to better monitor their surroundings. He learned early on that he was one of the most observant members of Poe’s team, and he tried to use it to their advantage. Poe was still rumbling instructions in his ear, interspersed with comments from Testor.

Finn glanced up, having heard a rustle in the cover of leaves and branches over their heads. It seemed unnatural, but, as he watched, the wind brushed through the trees. He frowned, twisting around to better watch the leaves.

“We’re going in from the south bank of their base,” Poe murmured to them. “The First Order prefers to organize towards the north, so approaching from the southeast should be our best bet. Finn?”

Finn snapped out of his focus on the tree cover around them. “Yeah, yes,” he started. “The First Order keeps everything separate to minimize losses if they do get attacked. Luckily, we don’t want to attack, we just want to free the prisoners and take them with us. If we have to attack, we can. We’ve been training to attack Troopers, so it’s a risk I’m certain you guys can take. Entering from the south gives us the advantage; their structure typically maintains the headquarters of the base at the north.” Finn watched as Poe glanced up at the trees and followed his attention, wondering what he was hearing, if they were being paranoid or if there was something in the trees. Troopers typically stuck to the ground, so that was ruled out. Poe was frowning as Finn continued.

“They have a group of Resistance prisoners,” Finn reminded the group. “They’re our priority. Snap, Jess Rey,” and all of them nodded, stepping forward, blaster rifles in hand. Rey had her lightsaber clipped to her belt. “You go ahead, go towards the upper west corner and release the prisoners. Karé, Iolo, L’ulo,” and they stepped forward, “I’m sending you to flank them, and I want you to take out as many troopers as you can. Shoot for the weak points I showed you in training and we can take them in for interrogation. Commander Dameron and I,” and Finn motioned to Poe, “will be right behind you, we’re going to trace the perimeter.”

“Yes, Captain,” everyone replied, Rey with a wink at him and a pat on his back before she split off with Snap and Testor. Finn grinned, and Poe turned to him with a responding smile. Finn was struck, in a moment, by his expression, by how handsome he was, even deep in the jungle, covered in sweat. His grin widened.

“So, how are we-” Poe started to say, but a sharp whistle cut through the air and Poe’s whole expression changed. He staggered forward one step, then another; he fell to his knees, and Finn caught his first glimpse at what had slammed into Poe from behind. A long wooden spear, splintered, crudely carved from a large tree branch, was now embedded in Poe’s back. The head was seemingly medal, the very tip protruding from his chest. Finn tore off his helmet and fell to his knees in front of Poe to stop him from falling over. Poe looked up at him blankly, studying his face. His attention seemed unfocused, sliding over to the trees behind them.

“Poe, Poe, look at me, you’re fine, it’s going to be fine,” Finn assured him, hands darting from Poe’s front to his back, trying to figure out what needed more attention. Blood was starting to trickle down from the wound on both sides. Poe turned his face up again and stared at Finn.

“What is it?” Poe asked, voice hoarse. He glanced down at his chest, his hands drifting up to touch the point of the spear, but Finn smacked his hands away.

“Don’t touch that.” Finn held Poe up, and Poe moved to stand, to struggle to his feet. Finn pushed him down with a hand on his shoulder, trying to ignore the fear clawing its way through his chest, letting his adrenaline center him. He tried to remember his first aid training in the face of Poe impaled in front of him, blood on his teeth when he spoke. Poe wriggled again, trying to get his footing. “Poe, stop moving.”

“I’m fine,” Poe murmured, and Finn scoffed, moving around to check the wound on Poe’s back. The blood leaking out was turning blackened, sour in the air. Finn frowned at it before the realization started to sink in: poison. It was going to have to come out. “What are you doing?”

“Hold your hands over your chest,” Finn ordered, first aid training kicking in as soon as he realized what he needed to do if he wanted Poe to have even a slim chance to make it off-planet alive. Poe stared down at his own chest, moving sluggishly. He frowned, a furrow appearing between his brows as he concentrated, and his hands inched more quickly towards his chest. He covered the point with his palms.

“Are you good?” Finn asked, leaning over Poe’s chest to check on him. Poe nodded weakly.

“Yeah,” he said, and Finn, without hesitation, drew the spear out of his chest and tossed it to the ground beside them. Poe exhaled sharply, then groaned, leaning forwards, his hands pressing hard into his chest. He glanced sideways at the spear on the ground and started to list a little, his hands falling to his sides.

“Poe, keep your hands against your chest,” Finn instructed, leaning over Poe to put pressure against the hole in his back. Poe lifted his trembling hands back up to his chest. Finn looked up, back through their path into the woods; the clearing where they had hidden their starfighters wasn’t too far away, but it was far enough that carrying Poe’s dead weight would be hard while also keeping him awake. Finn looked back down at Poe, judging his condition. The diagnosis was not good. He pushed it aside. “Can you stand?”

“Yeah,” Poe repeated. He shifted slightly, placing one slippery hand on the ground and pushing up weakly. Finn reached down and braced him with a hand on his back, but something in the trees rustled again simultaneously. He turned, catching the very edge of something moving in the cover of the leaves. Finn took aim with one hand, still holding onto Poe with his other, and fired his stunner with pinpoint accuracy, taking out one, two, three upright lizard-like beings that hit the ground one right after the other. Finn peered at them, feeling a pang of something nearing regret. It was quickly overcome by a swell of anger and fear when Poe made a soft, pained noise at his side.

“I don’t know what the kriff those are, but they’re gone now,” Finn told him. He shifted around, still holding Poe tightly to keep him on his feet. He held his head up and looked into his eyes. “Can you walk?” he asked, but Poe’s attention drifted, sliding over Finn’s shoulder. “Poe. Look at me.”

“Hi,” Poe said vacantly, still staring over his shoulder. Finn physically moved his head, and Poe stared near his eyes. Close enough. “Yeah. I can walk. Let’s go.”

Finn sized him up, then decided the quicker they moved, the better. Finn picked up his own helmet and started talking into the mouthpiece as he turned Poe in the direction of their X-wings. He patched into the feed with the rest of their team on it.

“Continue with your missions,” Finn prefaced, as he led Poe through the jungle, making sure he didn’t trip on any roots or hit his face on any branches. “Poe’s down. I’m taking him back to base for first aid.”

“What happened?” Jess asked, sounding concerned. Rey started talking over her.

“Do you want us to come back? Are you okay, Finn?” she asked. Finn focused on helping Poe climb over a large rock.

“It’s going to be fine,” Finn insisted, even if he didn’t completely believe it. Their operation still needed to succeed, regardless of what Finn and Poe were dealing with.

“Do you want us to come back, Captain?” Karé asked. Finn shook his head.

“No, continue with your mission,” Finn repeated. “I’ll take care of Poe. It’s fine.”

Finn tucked his helmet under his arm and started half-pulling Poe along. Poe had started listing to the side; Finn righted him, continuing them on their path.

“It’s fine,” Poe said softly, staring at his own feet as they walked. Finn helped him gingerly step over a root and under a low-hanging branch. Poe swayed again, then looked down. Finn caught him staggering to a stop, looking at the blood on his own palm. Finn nudged his hip, still with his broad palm pressed against Poe’s back, trying to staunch the flow of blood down his back.

“Keep walking,” Finn pushed. “We’re almost back to the X-wings.” Poe glanced up at him, blinking once, then twice again, frowning. He staggered as he walked, losing the rhythm of his walking as he seemingly tried to clear his vision. Finn wrapped his arm around Poe’s shoulders and steered him back on course, trying to ignore the panicked fire starting to rise within his throat as Poe’s unfocused eyes drifted away from him.

“There’s Black One, see? You’re almost there,” Finn told him, trying to keep his attention. They stepped into the clearing where they had hidden their starfighters. Finn dragged Poe to Black One and leaned him there before rushing off to his own starfighter to pull out the first aid kit under the seat. He could hear BB-8 beeping rapidly behind him; his binary was still rusty, but BB-8 was clearly concerned, chirping and wheeling around through the grass.

“It’s going to be fine, BB,” Finn heard Poe tell his little droid. He turned back just in time to see Poe reaching down for BB-8, and darted to his side as he started to topple over, catching him against his chest and standing him back up.

“Please be careful, Poe, please,” Finn asked desperately. Poe turned his head up, seemingly trying to make eye contact. Finn grabbed Poe’s chin in his hand, keeping the little eye contact he had. The blood had all drained from Poe’s face, the focus from his eyes; he was listing heavily to one side, his hands still pressed tightly to his chest. Finn’s heart seized. “Hey. Look at me. Are you okay? Focus.”

“I’m fine, I’m good,” Poe told him thickly. His words were a little slurred, and he blinked hard before frowning. “I’m doing fine. Tell BB-8 I’m doing good. I’m just… Hmm?” Poe looked up at Finn expectantly. Finn glanced down at him, waiting. He didn’t continue. He nudged him a little. “What’d you say?”

“I didn’t say anything,” Finn said, feeling the backs of his eyes prickle, his nose start to sting. He had to focus. Poe was useless; if he was going to live, he needed Finn’s focus and undivided attention. He carefully lowered Poe to the ground, saving his shaking legs from holding him up any longer. Poe trailed his fingers absently through the dirt at his side. “Hey,” Finn said, just to pull Poe’s attention back. “You’re going to be okay. Stay right here, hold still.”

“Okay,” Poe said. Finn left him there, BB-8 watching over him while Finn jumped back up into his starfighter and finished digging out the first aid kid. He struggled with the lock, his shaking and bloodied fingers slipping on the combination over and over.

“Finn?” Poe called out behind him. Finn cursed, hurrying to get the first aid kit open. “Finn? You there?”

“You’re going to be fine,” Finn called back. He stumbled backwards, falling the last couple of steps out of his X-wing to the ground with a crash. He scrambled to his feet and returned to Poe’s side, wiping his hands off on his uniform pants and finally getting the first aid combination correct. He snapped it open and started digging through the materials inside, looking for anything resembling a guidebook to poisons and antidotes. He started pulling out packing and gauze to stop the bleeding. Poe let his head drop back, rolling against the side of Black One. Finn reached out and took Poe’s chin in his hand. “Hey. Poe. Look at me. You’re fine.”

“I’m fine,” Poe echoed, shifting gingerly, trying to adjust his position. Finn let him go and kept digging for the gauze. Poe shifted again and suddenly slumped and slid to the ground, his face flushed, his body abruptly racked with tremors. Finn braced over him, holding his head steady. Poe’s eyes were shut, his face twisted up.

“Poe? Poe!” Finn shouted, trying to pull his attention back. Nothing. Finn leaned over and riffled through the first aid kit until he came up with a suitable hypoinjection. He grabbed Poe’s arm and held it still, finding a vein and slamming the serum into him. Poe relaxed slightly, his body still shivering slightly, and blinked his eyes open, squinting blearily.

“I can’t breathe,” Poe managed to say. Finn scrambled off of him, and Poe started reaching up for his own chest, clawing at the shirt over his skin. Finn grabbed his hands and held them away from his wounds. “I can’t- I can’t breathe.”

“Hey,” Finn said, trying to stay firm. “Hey. Stay with me, Poe. Keep your eyes open. Breathe with me.” Finn squeezed Poe’s hand and pressed them to his own chest, forcing his breathing to deepen and even out. “Do you feel this? Feel my chest.” Finn pushed Poe’s hands hard against his chest, breathing deeply, carefully counting the seconds between each inhale and exhale. He tried to ignore the blood pulsing sluggishly from Poe’s chest. Poe dragged an inhale into his mouth, then coughed on the exhale. One of his hands slipped out of Finn’s to grab for his own chest; Finn reached out to grab his wrist again.

“Finn,” Poe choked, looking up at Finn desperately. His eyes were glazed and hazy, unfocused, distant. He stared somewhere near Finn’s mouth, sounding like he was being strangled. His hands twisted in Finn’s grip, weakly fisting in the material of Finn’s shirt. “Finn. Finn-”

“Hey,” Finn interrupted, trying to staunch the panic attack he could see welling up in Poe’s face. He tried to push down the panic inside of himself simultaneously. “Hey, just look at me. Breathe.” Poe wheezed, dropping his head back against the ground, the air quite not reaching his lungs. Finn’s pounding heart kicked up a notch and he started digging through the first aid kit again, searching for something, anything, to help. “Poe. Breathe.”

“I can’t,” Poe whispered. He tried again to inhale, but he only managed a scratchy sound. His hands slipped away from Finn’s and he reached for his own chest, fingers closing over nothing, grasping at the air over his lungs. “Finn, I can’t-” He was interrupted by his own hyperventilation, grabbing at his own chest; his eyes stared at nothing before squinting closed, his whole face twisting. One hand reached up to pull at one of his own ears.

“Poe,” Finn called out. “Poe. Poe! Focus, Poe, don’t do this!”

BB-8 beeped desperately beside him, slamming into Poe’s leg, trying to regain his attention. Poe stared upwards at nothing, gasping for air that wasn’t coming.

“Poe, don’t you dare do this!” Finn yelled. Poe wheezed.

“I’m sorry,” he gasped. Finn stopped riffling through the first aid kit and bent down, grabbing Poe’s face in his hand, checking his eyes and his nose. He pressed his mouth to Poe’s hard, tasting blood, and Poe seemed to completely relax.

“Oh, holy shit, Poe, no, no no no, don’t do this.” Finn straddled Poe’s waist and started digging through the first aid kit again. Rey came crashing into the clearing, Jess at her heels, Snap trailing them and leading the group of prisoners behind him.

“What the shit happened?” Jess demanded, falling to her knees beside Finn. “What do we need?”

“Stop the blood from his back, get the gauze,” Finn ordered shakily. He turned up to Rey. “Little lizard things, in the trees. I think they poisoned him.”

“On it,” Rey said, sprinting back into the jungle. Snap and Karé were shepherding the freed prisoners onto the cargo container they had commandeered for the mission while Iolo and L’ulo started calling down to base and giving mission updates. Finn dragged Poe into a sitting position, swallowing back the fear he felt at Poe’s limp, dead weight. Jess crouched behind Poe, packing the wound as best as she could to staunch the flow of blood. She wrapped the gauze around his shirt and turned to his front, packing the front of the wound on his chest.

“Is this them?” Rey asked, darting back into the clearing with five of the little lizard beings. BB-8 wheeled over to them and started chirping rapidly, translating whatever they said to Rey. “BB says they said they don’t welcome humans on their planet, because they’ve been destroying the environment.”

“Tell them we’re trying to help,” L’ulo said. “We’re trying to get the First Order off the planet, they need to help us.”

Rey conveyed this to BB-8, who conveyed it to the lizard. The lizard identified themselves as a member of the Tulmorane race and explained their situation while Finn and Jess desperately packed Poe’s wounds to stop the bleeding.

“They thought he was in charge,” Rey explained. “Poe, I mean. They thought he was our leader. They said they poisoned the tip of the spear but that they have an antidote.”

“Can they go get it?” Snap demanded, helping the last prisoners into the shipment. Karé and Iolo started locking up and packing up the ships. Rey and the lizards took back off into the jungle while Jess packed the first aid kit back up and dragged it back into Finn’s ship.

“We’ll leave your fighter behind,” Jess told him. “We can always come back and get it. Fly Poe home in Black One, because if he makes it and we leave it behind, he’s going to kill us himself.”

“Got it,” Finn said. He stood shakily, climbing up into Black One and accepting Poe onto his lap when L’ulo and Snap heaved him up. Rey returned with one lizard holding a vial.

“How do we know this’ll work?” Iolo asked. Rey motioned to Poe with one hand as Jess shoved the vial into a hypoinjector.

“It can’t get any worse,” Rey said. Finn took the hypoinjection and jammed it into Poe’s vein, pushing it as deep as he could manage. Poe twitched, then slumped again; his breathing had stopped completely. Hands shaking violently, Finn pressed his fingers to Poe’s neck, then to his wrist.

“He’s not breathing,” Finn told them. He shoved the seat back on Black One and pushed on Poe’s chest. “He’s not- He’s not breathing, what did they do? Rey? What the f-”

“Just keep breathing for him,” Snap ordered, voice close enough to hear. Finn bent over Poe and pinched his nose shut, breathing for him. Poe didn’t respond to that, nor to the chest compressions, for a minute and a half, before he gasped just as Finn was slamming down on his chest again. Finn could feel tears streaming down his hot face, and he gathered Poe’s head up in his hands. Poe lashed out, scratching weakly at Finn’s face; Finn brushed him off.

“Poe? Can you hear me? Oh, my God, Poe, please, please,” Finn started murmuring, leaning over to breathe for him again. Poe twitched again, his neck shifting slightly. “Oh, God, thank you, oh my- Poe? Can you hear me, Poe? Poe? Please?” Poe frowned slightly, and Finn shoved his weight down on his chest again. Poe shifted, a scratching inhale scraping at his throat, a slight hyperventilation kicking into a full-scale attack. He fell out of consciousness again, breathing scratchy and small but steadying slightly.

“We have to get him back to base,” Finn said, and the members of their time scrambled for their own X-wings. Jess and Rey helped him strap into Black One and close the roof, BB-8 hopping up behind him and securing themselves in place. Finn took off shakily, Poe still poised bonelessly in his lap. He hit hyperspeed at once, trying to keep Poe as alert as he could, but Poe barely responded. The planet wasn’t too far from D’Qar, and Finn flipped on the channel to contact base.

“We’re just outside the system,” Finn told whoever picked up first. “You have to have medical on the ground and ready to go. Commander Dameron’s been injured and we need help right away.”

“The Tulmorane gave me some more of the antidote,” Rey chimed in, “but I don’t know if it’s enough.”

Poe exhaled again and his chest stopped moving. Finn choked and started doing compressions again, trying to bring him back into life, into consciousness. He wasn’t responding.

“Oh, God,” Finn breathed. “Oh, my God, he’s not responding. He’s not responding.”

“Keep doing compressions, Captain,” Snap ordered from his ship. Finn let BB-8 take over piloting and started working on Poe again, reaching for the first aid kit and rummaging for anything that could help. He kept up the chest compressions, kept up the airflow, anything, anything he could do. His hands shook, his heart pounded; his vision was blurry with hot tears and fear. He pressed his forehead to Poe’s, just for a second, and Poe gasped again.

“Oh, my God, thank God,” Finn breathed. BB-8 chirped, and Finn turned to look out the window. “Okay, we’re coming in. We’re almost on the ground.” He turned to Poe, to his scrunched-up face, his frown. His eyelids fluttered. “He’s trying to wake up.” He bent over Poe, holding his head between his hands. “Poe? Come on, Poe, we’re almost home. Please don’t go.”

Poe rasped slightly, eyes opening a slit before sliding shut again. Finn started compressions again, and Poe faded again, still breathing shallowly, heart fluttering weakly. He slipped into nothingness again, just a state of non-existence, and Finn landed Black One hard on the first strip of land he spotted. Medical swarmed him at once, and he nearly shattered the roof of the X-wing kicking it open and lowering Poe down. His body slumped, all dead weight, boneless, into the hands of the waiting medical staff. They dropped him onto the hovergurney and started doing hard compressions, faster than Finn had been doing them, slamming against Poe’s chest. Poe twitched; Finn leapt from the X-wing to follow them to Medical. Rey appeared beside them, speaking rapidly to a medidroid and handing over another vial.

“Poe!” Finn called, when Poe’s head twitched to the side. One of the medical staff slammed another injection into Poe’s arm. After just a beat, he gasped, and blinked, starting to choke on the rush of air into his lungs. The medidroid covered his face with a respirator, opening his throat; Poe’s bloodied hands reached up weakly, but one of the medical staff pulled them back down, restraining them at his sides.

“You’re going to be okay,” Finn called, when Poe’s face twisted into pain and discomfort. Poe’s head turned, and he squinted in Finn’s direction. Finn had never been happier to receive Poe’s attention, to see his eyes open at all. His chest clenched. “I’ll be there when you wake up, okay? I promise. You’ll be all right.”

“Finn,” Poe whispered, scratchy, choked, and fell into sleep as the medidroid injected him again. Finn and his team followed the staff to Medical. Finn answered all the questions he could, about the Tulmorane, the weapon, the poison, the antidote. Rey and the medidroid handed over her vial.

“We don’t have enough of the antidote for his system,” one of the surgeons informed them. “We’re creating it synthetically as we speak, and we’re got bacta patches trying to heal up his back and his chest. It’s messy, but-”

“It’ll work?” Finn finished, hopefully. The surgeon didn’t answer. They let Finn stay in the room to answer questions, and Rey to help with the antidote. Luke Skywalker arrived to help her, sensing out ingredients and helping the formation. Poe’s artificial life chugged on, maintained by the life-supporting machines surrounding him. Finn held tight to his hands and tried not to scream.

The hours passed like minutes, but the seconds like days; it seemed like a lifetime before the medical staff, Rey, and Luke managed to come up with a suitable antidote. They injected it into Poe’s IV, and everyone waiting held their breath, watching him carefully. All at once, it seemed, Poe relaxed, his breathing deepening and evening out into a normal, natural rhythm. He shifted to his side and vomited over the edge of the bed, barely seemed present. The medical staff scrambled to pull out his respirator and get everything out of his way. Once it seemed like his body had purged what it could, he leaned back, falling back into sleep. Janitors were called in to clean, nurses called in to help change his dressings, and the surgeon took Finn outside to explain Poe’s aftercare, the physical therapy they wanted him to undergo, the emotional therapy they would both be required to go through once this was all over.

“But he’s going to be okay?” Finn asked. The surgeon clasped his shoulder.

“Yes, he’ll be fine,” she told him. “With time, and care, yes. He’s going to be okay.”

Finn barely made it to the chair behind him, folding over and putting his head between his knees, taking deep gulps of air and trying to stop crying long enough to breathe. Rey’s hand on his back grounded him until he could calm down enough to go back into Poe’s room and sit with him.

That night, Medical seemed to have a revolving door. Luke left to retrieve the General and inform her of Poe’s status, and they returned together, General Organa standing over Poe’s bed, pushing his hair away from his face, fond, like a mother. She kissed his forehead, then did the same to Finn.

“Thank you,” she said to him, quietly. Finn nodded. Luke gave him a hug and spoke softly to Rey before leaving. Jess preferred to wait in the chair just outside Poe’s room, Snap at her side, snoring loudly until she would nudge him. L’ulo and Iolo left to fill out the team’s reports, Karé doing damage control with Poe’s trainees and other crew members. Finn, for his part, never left Poe’s side, sleeping there all night and well into the morning.

Poe started shifting around noon, frowning like he was uncomfortable. Finn pressed the button for the medidroid just as Poe moved and groaned around his respirator, his hands shooting up to grab at his chest. Finn moved quickly, wrapping his fingers around Poe’s wrists and easing his hands back down to the bed. Poe squinted, then blinked, turning his head until he managed to focus on Finn. He relaxed visibly on seeing him, and Finn’s chest squeezed.

“Finn,” Poe sighed. Finn reached out and took Poe’s head in his hand, running his thumb along his cheekbone.

“Don’t you ever do that again,” Finn told him. He exhaled shakily; he could hardly believe Poe was still alive. “Poe, I am so kriffing mad at you.”

“Finn,” Poe attempted a second time, and Finn leaned over him, pushing their foreheads together. The last of the tension in Poe’s shoulders leached out, and he relaxed, taking careful, deep breaths into his respirator. Upon recognizing its existence, he reached up to pull it away, but Finn gently took his hand and set it down on the bed.

“Leave it,” Finn told him softly. The medidroid entered the room behind him, flying to Poe’s side and telling them both he still needed more time to rest. Poe frowned unhappily, reaching out towards Finn, but, before Finn could say anything to him, Poe was back asleep. The medidroid removed Poe’s respirator, and Finn listened to their instructions and settled back into his chair. Only a short while after the medidroid left, Finn drifted asleep, slouched in the uncomfortable Medical-issue chair he had been given, one hand still tangled up with Poe’s.

He was woken up by a pressure around his hand, and he snapped up, his neck immediately protesting his movement. He groaned, reaching for his neck.

“Oh, good go-” he started to say, before the reality of the situation sunk in, and he looked down at Poe. Stupid, fucking Poe, who gave him the biggest shit-eating grin this side of the galaxy. Finn smacked his shoulder.

“Ow, Finn, what the f-” Poe began, but Finn cut him off.

“You can never ever do that again, do you hear me?” Finn demanded. He scrubbed at his face with both hands. “You’ve literally got to be kidding me. You weren’t even point on this mission.”

“What happened?” Poe asked scratchily. Finn carefully helped him sit up and take a drink from the plastic cup the medidroid had left for him.

“Race called the Tulmorane lived on that planet,” Finn began, offering the whole explanation to Poe as he helped him drink, one hand at the back of Poe’s head, relishing in the living warmth and weight of him, of the curl of Poe’s hair around his fingers. “They don’t care to distinguish one human from another, they thought we were involved in the First Order taking over their planet. They thought you were in charge and decided to take you out.” Finn gingerly helped Poe settle back against his pillows, replacing the cup on the bedside table and taking Poe’s hand. “The wound itself was bad enough, you were bleeding really bad and your lungs started to collapse, but you were totally gone for a while there.” Finn’s chest ached with remembering it, with reliving it, the raw fear and the rage, the emptiness that threatened to swallow him following the panic. “Once Rey got one of them and we were able to figure out what they were saying, we realized there was poison on the spear. We were able to explain that we were trying to help them, and they gave us an antidote.”

“Nice of them,” Poe said, halfway through a cough. Poe helped him fix his position.

“They didn’t give us enough,” Finn told him, stroking Poe’s hair away from his forehead, “for how much poison was in your system. They injected you, and I flew you home, but you were gone for a little while on the way over.”
Poe’s face did something complicated, shifting through several emotions before he asked, “Gone?”

“Gone-gone,” Finn assured him. “Like I said. You’re never doing this to me again. I resuscitated you a couple of times, and we got you back to base. Medical took you from there. General Organa stayed with me, and Rey. And your whole team, really. Nobody’s really left Medical since we got you in here.”

“I’m touched,” Poe said. He put his devil-may-care flyboy grin on again. “You really do care.”

“Of course we do,” Finn told him, chest aching to be closer to Poe. He pressed their foreheads together again, and Poe exhaled shakily, a long breath he had been keeping inside. He finally relaxed, melting into the bed. “You scared the shit out of me, Poe.” It wasn’t enough, but it was a start to conveying what he felt.

“I’m still good,” Poe promised. Finn shut his eyes and took a shaky breath. “Hey. I’m still here.”

“You weren’t,” Finn reminded him. He opened his eyes and traced the shapes of Poe’s features with his gaze. “For a while, you weren’t.” The two of them fell silent. Poe exhaled, waiting. Finn gathered himself, said, “I can’t lose you, Poe.”

“I don’t plan to go anywhere,” Poe replied, without missing a beat. “Honest. I was thinking about it, while I was… whatever I was. I thought, ‘damn, it’s too bad I couldn’t have died in a cool way,’ and then I thought… You know, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to die when I’m old.” Poe looked up at Finn, and Finn’s whole chest seized, his brain going into meltdown mode.

“With you,” Poe clarified, like there was any doubt.

Finn pushed his screaming systems aside, his pounding heart, and leaned in to kiss Poe’s forehead. Poe’s eyes shut, and Poe relaxed, taking a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Finn whispered, tasting the salty sweat of Poe’s skin under his mouth. Poe nodded, hair brushing Finn’s nose, and Finn pulled back, combing Poe’s hair back from his face. Finn gathered himself, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. “You’re going to heal up just fine, they said. They’re recommending you for physical and emotional therapy, though.”

“That’s fair,” Poe said. He shifted uncomfortably, and Finn helped him to better sit up before taking up the spot beside him on the hospital bed. Poe leaned into him. “Sorry I scared you.”

“Sorry I couldn’t protect you,” Finn whispered, raw. Poe wrapped Finn’s hands up in his.

“You couldn’t’ve known,” Poe said. But he could’ve , which was what rattled him the most. He shook off the feeling as Poe picked up Finn’s hand and gingerly kissed the back of it, saying, “Hey. I don’t blame you.”

“We’ll talk about it later,” Finn told him, evasive. “Right now, just focus on getting better, okay?” He smiled. “The Resistance needs Commander Dameron in peak position.”

“How would they ever have functioned without me?” Poe joked, as Finn leaned in. His heart clenched.

“They wouldn’t,” Finn replied. I wouldn’t . Finn kissed him. Poe kissed him back.