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He jolted awake, his stomach lurching into his chest before Marco realized he couldn’t even remember what he’d been dreaming about. Whatever images had swirled around his subconscious to distress him had vanished like mist the moment he opened his eyes. Rolling over, he felt the softest cloud-like mattress beneath him, a vast canopy above him with realistic twinkling stars on the underside, his head perfectly supported on his pillow.
Mewni, he recalled, getting his bearings at last. With how often he and his wife traded homes between the castle and their condo on Earth, Marco would sometimes panic when he first woke up, not knowing where he was or what his hectic schedule had planned for him that day. Was it time to put on his sweater vest and tie and get ready to be a counselor, or strap on his royal tunic and face another day of council members bemoaning Star’s “radical” decisions?
Sitting up, he turned to peer with bleary eyes through the glass doors overlooking the balcony. The four moons made the night sky seem thrice as bright, cool beams casting soft rays of light onto the woman lying in the bed beside him. Long tangled blonde hair with a few frizzed strands obscuring her face, soft peach lips twitching a bit, rose hearts adorning ivory cheeks with little scars here and there leftover from past battles. She was completely peaceful, in such a deep stage of sleep that she wasn’t even snoring. Good. She needs a full night sleep more than me anyway.
Lowering his head, Marco brushed her hair aside to give her the lightest breath of a kiss on her forehead, expressing his love without breaking her tranquility. Star...his beautiful queen, his best friend, his light in the storm, the one constant he could hold onto. No matter where he lived, she was beside him. No matter who he was, King Marco or just plain old Marco Diaz, she was still Star.
On the flip side, because of his double life, Marco didn't always know who he was at any given point. Sometimes he’d find himself playing counselor to the feuding ambassadors, or walking into the college wearing his royal sash by accident. All the students knew Mr. Diaz’s wife was this awesome warrior queen of another dimension, but he still liked to keep his occupations separate for his own peace of mind. But...who was he really?
Rising from the bed as discreetly as possible, he grabbed his bathrobe off the chair and draped it around himself before making his way to the balcony doors. It was four o'clock according to his phone, so there was no point in going back to sleep if he had to be up in a couple hours anyway. He had too much running through his mind now to settle back down. Once out in the crisp night air, he hunched his shoulders, resting his elbows on the stone railing of the tallest tower overlooking the entirety of Mewni’s landscape. King of Mewni, and yet he still felt so small and insignificant compared to the vastness of the kingdom. He was sure his dream must have had to do with the dual pressures of his life getting to him, it was one of the only things that got his heart racing like that.
Marco had no one to blame for his confusion but himself. Because he fell in love with the heir to the Butterfly throne. When exactly, he didn’t know. Maybe it was the first time she left Earth, when they were fourteen -- and she had first told him she had feelings for him. Maybe it was a gradual thing, when the hole she had left behind sliced itself into his heart and wouldn’t leave him be. They found each other again, they always seemed to, and those feelings had to go on the backburner due to -- well -- potential doom at the hands of the forces of evil. He refused to let Star battle all of that alone, he cared about her too much.
He didn’t regret his time with Jackie Lynn Thomas; she was an amazing girl who helped him to love himself. Star had too, but back then it had meant so much more coming from the girl he’d been crushing on for years. They broke up during junior year mutually, though it was still a hard decision. Jackie had her heart set on a certain college far away and planned to move there permanently. They grew apart, wanting different things, and Marco was okay with that. She had goals and he didn’t, and he wasn’t about to hold her back. He was heartbroken, of course, even cried it out on both his mom’s and Star’s shoulders. But he accepted it. Marco discovered he could live without Jackie’s love and set her free.
It wasn’t the same with Star. When she turned eighteen, she told him she had to leave again, this time to begin rigorous queen training with her mother and a small team of royal advisors. She’d have very little time to visit Earth, if at all, over the next few years. And Marco was prepared to tell his best friend that he understood and was ready to let her go.
Except he couldn’t. Every time he pictured her leaving him in a burst of sparkles again, he broke out in a cold sweat, like a piece of his soul was about to be ripped from him. All he could think of was the lethal battles they had fought side by side, their adventures jumping through dimensions, how he had never had a dull moment since she came to him. He’d wanted a little danger in his life, and she had delivered above and beyond. He could barely remember the person he was before her, and he didn’t want to remember. Marco didn’t know where he was going or who he would wind up being. All he knew for sure was that he couldn’t lose her again. Whatever happened to him, he needed Star in his life.
“Do you still have a crush on me?”
“I think I’ll always have a crush on you, Marco.”
“Good, I’m glad.”
“Why?”
“‘Cause...I think I might have one on you, too.”
Well, it wasn’t quite like the movies -- they weren’t magically united forever now that their love was shared. She still had to return to Mewni, and as predicted was too swept up in her crash course on queenly duties to visit him. Which managed to suit Marco well enough so he could concentrate on graduating college within four years. Once a month, he used his dimensional scissors to go to her, and they would steal away into the night under the guards’ radar for a blissful reunion in each other’s arms.
That is, until Queen Moon caught them. And then the talks with Star's parents began: How serious was their relationship? Was marriage in the cards? Did Marco fully understand what being with Star meant, and everything that came with that? There was plenty to be concerned about, with Mewni never having had a prince consort from Earth before. But now that their courtship was out in the open, Marco’s visits to Mewni became more frequent as he got his own crash course in their culture. And of course, his talks with his own parents were bittersweet ones, knowing full well that being a royal was going to keep him plenty busy away from them.
Marco had every reason to not go through with it, but he still did. Because she was there. She was always there. She would drop everything and help him out, speak up on his behalf when her extended family made snide remarks, get in heated fights with her mother when she began to neglect her own duties to train him, and assure how significant he was going to be in her plans to get Mewni back on track whenever he felt like he was just getting in the way. While everything around him was a thick fog of overwhelming turbulence, her sparkling baby blue gaze and mile-wide toothy smile guided him back home to what really mattered.
Star was shocked when he proposed -- mostly due to it being traditional for the future queen to be the one to ask her consort to be her king. But she laughed when he freaked out over being “disrespectful to Mewnian customs”, then cried when she accepted. And now here they were, over a year since her coronation. The two of them constantly at the center of Mewni’s attention, called “reckless” when they actually got things done and “lazy” when they lived on Earth half the year. The tabloids had never been more popular with the “Rebel Queen and her Earth King” in power, while Marco had been the butt of many a joke among the council and citizens.
That didn’t bother him. Well okay it did, it would bother anyone, but that wasn’t the source of his discontent. It was being lost in-between these two identities, knowing he was destined for more than Earth while still feeling like an outcast on Mewni. Walking one step behind Star, representing her when she accidentally double-booked her appearances, knowing he was the subject of whispering gossip when his back was turned. Sometimes it was just too much…
“Hey.”
She had spoken as softly as possible, like a whistling breeze, so she wouldn’t startle him. But Marco was Marco and he jumped around anyway, his arms involuntarily snapping into a karate stance even though he knew who it was.
“Easy there,” Star chuckled, her hands up in surrender as she wandered out onto the balcony in her light blue dressing gown. He dropped his arms with a weary sigh, watching her lean onto the railing like he had, the breeze blowing her bangs away from her face. “Whatcha doin’ out here?”
“Nothing...woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep,” Marco replied with a shrug as she stared out at the landscape dotted with lights from houses and other structures down below. It wasn’t a lie, it just wasn’t the whole truth. “I woke you up, too. Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Another stronger cooler wind ruffled their hair as they stood in silence, and Marco slid closer against her as she rubbed her arms against the cold. “Anything you wanna talk about?”
He hesitated. “You’ll hate me if I do.”
She whipped her head around at him. “Why? Ya kill someone? Start a war? Promise our firstborn child to an evil sorcerer?”
“No.”
“Then I won’t hate you,” she promised. Despite her tiredness -- obvious when she stifled a yawn behind her hand -- her eyes still shone with vibrancy and wonder, her attention completely focused on him. Marco reached over and took her hand, noticing she had forgotten to take her wedding band off before bed and ran his thumb over it.
“I guess I’m…” He squeezed her fingers, throwing caution to the winds around them. “I guess I have cold feet.”
“So let’s go back ins-- oh wait. That’s an Earth expression, isn’t it?”
“Yeah it is,” he managed a small smile. “I’m kinda having second thoughts about this King stuff, ya know?”
“Whaddya mean ‘second thoughts’?” Any hint of a smile melted off Star’s face, and Marco’s chest tightened. He needed to be careful how he worded this so he didn’t hurt her.
“N-no, not like ‘I don’t wanna be married to you anymore’, just like ruling the kingdom a-and my counselor stuff back home--” He stopped, “I mean on Earth, back on Earth. ‘Cause Mewni’s my home too, and -- sorry, that was just impulse--”
“Marco, chill out,” Star soothed, rubbing his extremely tense shoulder. “I know it’s a lot, but you’re doing such a great job. Mom just told me the other day that you’re miles more competent than my dad was at your age. She’s proud of you. I’m proud of you.”
“But can I do this for the rest of my life?” he asked in a low husky voice, averting his eyes. “What if I make a major mistake that puts your life or all of Mewni at risk? What if we don’t settle those disputes and we end up at war -- and then we can’t go back to Earth to let my parents know we’re okay? What if we end up not okay?” Marco pulled his shoulder out of her grasp, burying his face in his hands. “I’ve tried to tell myself that we’ll get through anything life throws at us, but I just don’t know for sure. And I wanna be sure.”
“Oh Marco, I-I’m so sorry.” Hugging her gown tighter around herself, the young queen hung her head. “I just -- ugh, I can’t believe I never noticed my own husband was freaking out.”
“You’re the Queen of Mewni, Star. You’re freaking out literally every five minutes.”
“That doesn’t matter,” she groaned, tugging on her blonde locks as she dug her fingers into her scalp. “You gave up everything -- your life on Earth, living in the same dimension as your family and friends, a full time job -- everything to come rule Mewni with me. That’s -- that’s so unfair to you.”
“Star, I proposed to you, remember?”
“I could’ve said ‘no’!” she whined. “I could’ve insisted you stay on Earth! I could’ve not dragged you into this hellhole monarchy with me, because that would’ve been what was best for you. But I was selfish and said ‘yes, of course I’ll marry you’ ‘cause...‘cause I love you.”
A smile tugged at Marco’s lips once more, his cheeks heating up even now when she said those words. “I love you, too.” Gently raising her head with his hands, he gathered her against him, shielding her once he felt how chilly the night air had left her skin. “I do. I love you, Star, more than anything in every possible dimension. That’s why I followed you into this hellhole.”
“But you’re not happy,” Star mumbled as she hugged him tighter. “Are you?”
“I’m...no less happy than you are,” Marco settled on. “Take that how you wanna.”
“Marco, it doesn’t matter whether I’m happy or not, I don’t have a choice.”
“Stop that, now you sound like your mom.” He pulled back to gaze at her insistently, but her utterly saddened features gave him pause. “Of course it matters. It matters to me, it matters to your family and friends--”
“But my people don’t care,” Star protested. “They don’t care if I woke up in a bad mood or if I got in a fight with you or Mom. I’m still their leader every day around the clock.” She grabbed his upper arms and squeezed them as her cornflower eyes locked onto his deep amber ones. “But you -- you can take a break if you want to.”
“No,” Marco shook his head instantly. “Star, I’m not gonna leave you hanging just ‘cause I feel a little overwhelmed.”
“Is that all you feel?” Star pried, like a mother trying to get her child to admit to lying. “Just ‘a little overwhelmed’?” He didn’t say anything, and she pulled herself out of his arms. “This has been going on for awhile, hasn’t it?”
“It’s been building, I guess. I dunno it’s just...I know people talk. About us, about me. How I’m ‘not suitable’ or an ‘embarrassment’, even though I’m really trying.” He let out a dark rueful chuckle, “You know, I spent so much of my life putting myself down, thinking I wouldn’t be good enough for anyone or anything. But after I spent all that time studying and training, making sure I was worthy to sit on the throne beside you, I started to feel real good. Like maybe I could do this. Then the job actually started, and you...you’re a natural, Star. You pick up my slack, you shut down unfair proposals, you beef up taxes on the right people, and nobody can say no to you. While I’m just struggling to keep up.”
“Listen…” She swallowed hard before looking him dead in the eye, affection replaced with businesslike rationality. Suddenly, Marco was looking at Queen Star rather than his zany kind-hearted wife. “I stand by what I said before we got married, Marco. You have a built-in escape clause. You’re free to go at any time.”
“Star…” His heart felt like ice, dropping like a cold stone to the pit of his stomach. “I-I’m not saying I wanna--”
“I know you’re not. But if you really feel miserable here as King, I don’t wanna feel like I’m tying you down.”
“I wanna be wherever you are! You’re everything to me, Star!” Why was she being so callous about something that could potentially destroy both of them?
“And you’re everything to me, Marco. Because you are...I would let you give up all of this if it meant you were happier without it.”
“But if I left and went back to Earth...permanently,” Marco forced himself to say the last word with some difficulty, “And you only saw me for half the year, if even that...how could our marriage survive?”
“It’d be hard to,” Star admitted, her hardened stance breaking through her warbling voice and betrayed by tear-filled eyes. “It’d be really hard.” He continued to stare at her like he’d been bludgeoned over the head as she leaned forward and kissed his cheek, her breath sweet like mint. “But don’t think about me -- for once, Marco. Right now, think about yourself.”
And so he did. Marco pictured his life minus the castle, the nobles, the Magic High Commission, Moon and River, the tunics and swords and capes and thoroughly uncomfortable shoulder tassels. Minus the crown, literally and figuratively. Just him and his condo, his parents and Earth friends, and the full-time counseling job at the college. Seeing Star for six months out of the year would be better than never again…
“Think about it, and we can talk some more in the morning.” Her whisper wafted towards him in the breeze, wrapping around him like a hug as she turned and headed back inside, leaving him shocked still on the balcony.
When the Queen of Mewni awakened the next morning to another radiant day, the opposite side of the bed was empty. That was weird. She was always up before Marco. Part of the queen training she’d gone through was conditioning herself to rise early to look over the morning’s batch of paperwork before making her appearances. “If you get it done early, you won't have to worry about it later,” her mother had pointed out, and for once Star had to admit she was right.
Then she remembered the conversation just hours prior, and her brow furrowed. She rolled over to face the balcony -- the room looked suspiciously neat as her gaze passed over it. C’mon Star, pull yourself together. It’s Marco. He wouldn’t just--
And then her eyes landed on Marco’s nightstand, her heart hammering against her ribcage. On top of a folded piece of parchment was his gold wedding band.
“What the…?” she vocalized, even though no one else was there. Moving the ring aside, Star snatched up the paper and unfolded it, finding it covered in his neat angular handwriting:
Star,
I did more thinking than sleeping, and I made up my mind. You’re right, I should consider my well-being and step away from the throne. Not only would it be easier for me, but for you too. You’re so much stronger than me. You could concentrate on being the Queen your kingdom and your people deserve, and not have to worry about me and how I’m faring all the time. And I can concentrate on what I know I’m good at rather than what I want to be good at.
I can be happy with who I am in the place I grew up in, the place I know, rather than being the powerless Earthling from another dimension trying to blend in. Everything you said was true, Star. And I appreciate you talking it through with me and helping me face the music (an Earth expression -- it means face my problems head-on rather than pretend I’m okay). It wasn’t easy for me to admit that this decision would be the obvious one.
And that was it. He didn’t even say goodbye or sign it. Star began to pant out short breaths rapidly and sharply, her nails scratching at her chest to clutch at her heart. He was gone...Marco was really gone. “You have a built-in escape clause. You’re free to go at any time.” Why the hell had she said that? Why did she put on that calm unfeeling front when every single word spoken was shattering another piece of her soul? And now, with this note, he had taken half of her with him.
Squeezing the parchment in her fist, Star’s numb expression crumpled as she curled up into a ball on Marco’s side of the bed, hugging her knees to her chest. He must have felt like she was pushing him away, that was the only explanation. She had just been trying to be logical and keep her heart out of it entirely, she hadn’t meant to come off so cold.
What now? Staying on this bed bawling until she had no tears left was the first thing that came to mind, calling her mother was the second. Or Janna. No, not Janna, she’ll put a hex on him or something. She sniffled into the pillow as her eyes started to leak. It still smelled like him, that distinct Marco scent with a hint of cinnamon. It seemed to become more potent the longer she lay there…
“Star?”
No -- it was getting stronger because he was standing in the doorway to their bed chambers. Star untangled her legs and flung herself around on the mattress, strands of hair clinging to her damp face. Marco’s eyes were wide -- he was wrapped in a fresh bathrobe, warm steam emitting from his body with his soaked dark bangs stuck to his forehead and ears.
The shower. That son of a lizard had been in the shower the whole time.
“Damn it, Marco!” And she tore from the bed to throw herself against him, beating her fists against his chest until her anger gave way to tearful shuddering relief, bowing her head as he held her by the wrists.
“What’s the matter with you?!” he cried in alarm, loosening his grip when he was sure he wouldn’t bear the brunt of her inherent Johansen strength anymore.
“Me?! You’re the one who wrote that note and -- and left your ring--!”
“Why would I wear my wedding ring in the shower?” he asked, completely bewildered. “That thing rusts like crazy.”
“But you said you were gonna leave, and -- and you’re still here goin’ around like nothing’s changed!”
“What are you talking ab--?” Then he remembered. As soon as he finished writing, he had left his ring right on top of the letter. “Ohhh,” he sang out sheepishly, sucking his breath in through his teeth. “Yyyyeah...I can see why that might’ve looked bad.”
“Ya think?!” Star shrieked, her head shooting up, eyes and nose streaming. “Don’t you ever do that again, Marco Diaz! I just lost like ten years off my lifespan!”
“Star, I’m sorry,” he soothed gently, cupping her head in his hands and kissing the top of her hair as she wiped her face noisily on her sleeves. “I’m sorry I scared you, but I don’t get why you’re reacting this way if you read my note.”
“Um, ‘I appreciate you talking it through with me and helping me face the music’ -- I know what that one means, Marco,” she huffed as she read the bottom of the page. ‘It wasn’t easy for me to admit that this decision would be the obvious one.’ There. You said the obvious decision was to go back to Earth. Guess I missed the part where you suddenly changed your mind.”
Marco smiled, trying not to laugh when he caught onto the mix-up. “Flip it over.”
“Flip--?” She obeyed, and found more writing on the back of the page. “...Oh.”
“This is why you don’t sign any decrees until I read them over first,” he smirked, rubbing the back of his neck. “Go ahead and finish it.”
Star read the rest of it out loud, her voice becoming more constricted with emotion the longer she spoke:
“But making the easy choice is what a Safe Kid would do. And ever since the day we met, I never wanted to be the Safe Kid again. Your love and friendship gave me confidence and strength I didn’t even know I had. Every woman in my life has given me something to take with me -- my mom made me into who I am, Jackie helped me to embrace who I am. But you, Star, you’ve always pushed me to be better than I am. You yanked me out of my comfort zone kicking and screaming, you showed me your world (and it felt like a sign, hehe), and you let me in. You embraced me as your battle partner, your best friend, and even more than that.
No one had ever taken a chance on me so quickly like that before. From the very beginning, you saw something of value in me that even I couldn’t see. And I can tell that you truly want me to believe that I’m the person you see through your eyes, and to love that person. That’s why I could never, ever imagine leaving your side. When you left me years ago to return to Mewni, when you almost died in my arms -- twice -- it destroyed me. I could never put you through that pain, no matter how scared and confused I am about this sacred duty. I love you too much. I can’t tell you just how much ‘cause, well, I’m running out of room.
So with your permission, My Queen, I would be honored to remain here as your King for as long as you’ll have me. And with luck, maybe I can even help you love yourself as much as I love you.
Yours for eternity,
Marco”
When Star lowered the letter, blinded by tears, she found her king stooped before her on one knee, his head and shoulders lowered into the most formal position of reverence towards the reigning monarch. To a former queen, this might have been expected or even required.
“Get up, Diaz,” the current queen spluttered, half laughing and half coughing out sobs. Marco rose slowly and she met him halfway, letting him cradle her as she kissed his lips. “Who writes letters like that?!” she exclaimed once she pulled away. “Why’d you put all the bad stuff on the front and the good stuff on the back?!”
“Yeah, that probably didn’t look so great either,” Marco chuckled nervously. “But at least you know now. And I don’t think we have anything further to discuss on the matter.”
“No, I don’t think we do,” Star sighed, rubbing her thumbs over his clean-shaven jaw. “I’ll tell you exactly who you are: You’re Marco Diaz. The most incredible friend, husband and King in the entire universe. And if anyone tells you otherwise, they’ll have to answer to me.”
“Even if it’s me?”
“Especially if it’s you.”
Marco lowered his eyes so his bangs covered them, and Star felt her hands cupped around his cheeks grow slightly wet. Now, after all these years, hearing it from his wife meant so much that it moved him to tears. “Thank you,” he mumbled, his voice breaking as she pressed her lips to his forehead, “For always being my home.”
“We’ll be each other’s, no matter where we are,” Star whispered back gently. “That’s a promise.”
They were surrounded by each other, arms and all, completely lost and absorbed in pools of sky blue and coffee brown -- and soon their lips were working passionately as one. So pleasantly disoriented were they in a haze of bliss, hands furiously bunching up hair and clothes, that they didn’t break until they had backed into the bed and fallen into it, Marco on top of Star.
“Well, okay then,” Star grinned, tightening her hold on his waist, but Marco placed a finger on her lips.
“As much as I’d love to...we have a High Commission meeting to be at in ten minutes.”
“What?! Oh my corn, it’s almost nine!” She flipped him over easily as she scrambled up from the mattress, throwing open her wardrobe to yank out her dress for the day. “Why didn’t you say something?!”
“Why didn’t you check the schedule?!”
“I got a little distracted this morning, Marco!”
“By the front half of my letter!”
“Yeah! It was a little alarming!”
“Well it’s over now, so let’s go!” After dressing in record time, the king and queen grabbed hands as they burst from the chambers and flew down the corridor to the staircases.
“Mom’s gonna kill me for not being prepared,” Star groaned.
“I’ll take the heat -- it’s technically my fault,” Marco offered, but she shook her head.
“No, it’s mine. Besides, I need to brag about how my amazingly competent King got me ready just in time.” Between their huffing and puffing, Star saw a smile unfurl on her husband’s face, and she returned it tenfold.
“Seriously, I dunno what I’d ever do without you.”