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If anyone saw him like this, he was certain they would think he lost his mind, but he didn’t seem to care, not at all, as he swirls around on the rooftop, cigarette, not his, but with a very familiar flavor in his mouth, a can of beer in his hand.
The strong wind was making it hard for him to move around, but he didn’t seem to mind. Moving to a beat that seemed to only be in his head, muttering the lyrics “…you’re so cynical…narcissistic cannibal…”. He paused for nearly a second to take a drag, watching the smoke disintegrate in seconds, the air carrying it away far…far far away…as if it was never there to begin with.
He glanced off into the distance, for a second it seemed like his mood faltered, but after a swig of his beer, cigarette back in his mouth, he swirled again, overwhelmed by euphoria.
He loved this feeling…he loved it so much!! The wind was messing up his hair, the strength almost made him fall on occasion, but he loved it all the more. His unbuttoned shirt swirled behind him endlessly and for a moment he felt as if he had wings.
Free! He was absolutely free there!
Roy threw his arms up. Unable to stop himself from laughing, he watched as the cigarette was carried away by the wind until the red dot finally disappeared.
“Fuck…” he muttered under his breath and patted his pockets in search of the pack. But he didn’t have it on him.
Hm. Oh well! He still had beer!
Another swing and a swirl and he was at the very edge. Looking down, he stumbled a few times, trying to make out a road, cars… But it was hard! The damn clouds were making it hard to see.
But that was great too. He was alone up here, the entire world long forgotten somewhere below. Somewhere-
“Right under my feet!” Roy smirked, stomping his foot, kicking a couple of rocks off the edge, “Fucking rot you goddamn piece of shit!!” he yelled into nothing, throwing his can over the edge, caught in the moment, watching it disappear in the clouds.
And with that…something seemed to have disappeared inside of him too, the euphoric mood he had previously was now long gone and he looked down from atop the skyscraper with empty eyes.
“Fuck…” he started again, the realization of the entire situation hitting him with full force.
He was…running away…
Again…
What was…he doing..?
Why was he still-
“Are you high again?”
He didn’t use the word “relapse”.
Jason. Instantly, a half-smile was back on Roy’s face and he turned to face his companion.
The wind suddenly stopped. As he turned around, he was no longer on a skyscraper, but on the balcony of his home.
Their home.
“Great timing, Jay. Got a fag?” he wasn’t at all confused, taking everything in as a norm, stepping back into the apartment.
Jason was looking at him silently, scanning…and when he seemed to have finished his analysis, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette, which ended up in his own mouth, then presented the pack to Roy, who grabbed it with shaky hands, “Don’t you think you have had enough for today?”
“Just one more,” Roy muttered, stumbling forward a bit, waiting for Jason to light his cigarette. When he did, after a couple of puffs, Roy calmly took a seat on the floor in front of the open balcony door, looking up at the cloudy sky.
Jason took a seat beside him too and a comfortable silence followed as they both smoked, each lost in their own thoughts…until Jason wrapped an arm around Roy, pulling him to himself, the other man not at all fighting back.
“What did you feel this time?”
Now that Roy had his shit slightly more together, despite feeling like a train wreck and nauseous, Jason’s question got him thinking…
Roy knew exactly what he was being asked…and what amazed him most was how easily Jason simply accepted him.
Granted, Jaybird had his own set of, pretty damn serious, far serious than his own, struggles and a need to be accepted, but none the less…
The way he asked that question matter of factly. The way he didn’t try to make him stop and just asked what it was he felt this time…
The way he evidently trusted him to get through this on his own and stop his sudden multiple drug abuse episode, all the while being there for him, making sure he didn’t reach his worst…
Jason deserved a lot more credit than at first glance. Especially since Roy didn’t even trust himself currently.
“I felt…like I was free,” Roy managed a smile, turning to look at his lover, then glancing to the side again, dreamily, “The world was under my feet and I could stomp it, make it all stop, end it…” he trailed off, patting the ash off his cigarette before taking another drag, making it a harder task than anticipated at first with his shaky hands, “It was so small, I could crush it…destroy…” his timbre held slight anger as he said the last word, fingers twisting the cigarette between two fingers and he didn’t realize he had crushed it before he was about to drag it back to his mouth again. Frowning, he threw whatever was left carelessly on the floor, nudging Jason, “Hey, hey…give me a new one~,” he beckoned.
Jason watched Roy silently, hardly having taken any drags himself ever since he started talking…and as he heard Roy’s pleading, he pulled the cigarette up to his lips, watching Roy grab his hand as if his life depended on it as he took a long drag, sitting back and drinking in the drug, the excessive amount leaving his system through the ajar mouth as he sat there leaning back against two hands, seemingly spacing out.
“We will, babe… We will,” came Jason’s calm reply as he finished his cigarette.
Roy watched him closely with half-lid, befuddled eyes…and smiled, unfocused, “You changed the flavor…” he was referring to the cigarettes.
“Cherry,” Jason replied plainly, putting the cigarette out right on the floor. They would probably need to do something about the mess eventually, but for now… Jason stared at Roy, who stared blank into space once more.
For now…they had to take care of each other.
“I…I never thought I would-” Harper trailed off, blinking tears away from his eyes and it was Jason’s cue to pull him into his embrace, caressing his back.
“Shhh… Don’t go there…” a kiss on Roy’s temple, but it didn’t stop the older man from sobbing, silent tears running down his cheeks. Roy didn’t say anything - everything was written in his dead blue eyes.
Suddenly, he laughed, Jason watching him with a stoic face, “You probably think I’m weak… That I need to somehow pull my shit together and go kill all those bastards…and you know what?!” Roy jerked away from Jason’s embrace and jumped to his feet, outraged, “You are fucking right!! I will fucking destroy every last piece of shit that dared to– to-” he trailed off, covering his face with a hand, as if he didn’t have enough strength to say anymore. And, in fact…he didn’t.
Jason’s expression remained stoic…and he stood up, “Look at me, Roy,” his tone mirrored his serious face, but it was not an order.
Slowly, Roy looked back up…and was met by a beautiful, endlessly green, landscape… A peaceful tranquility that situated for miles to no end…where there was neither worry, nor suffering…where he was truly at peace, not only with himself, but with the entire world too.
Roy felt Jason’s forehead on his own, that endless green against his blue, “I already told you…we will,” and he was pulled into a tight embrace again.
It was kind of strange to think about sometimes…Strange to think that he was accepted for the way he was. Having been discarded all his life, Roy never could have dreamed to meet the one he could confide in…and who subsequently confided in him too.
Jason has his own demons to fend off…yet, there he was, focusing his entire attention on him…a walking wreckage…
“She was my daughter too…” Jason whispered and Roy squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to hold back more tears, his arms hooking around Jason too.
Todd grabbed his phone in that very second, dialing a number. Right then, Roy seemed to have fallen into a trance and didn’t pay attention as to what was said…
But his entire body seemed to have woken up when Jason declared, “I have a lead.”
And he grabbed his mask and arrows before he even realized what he himself did.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
His sense of justice has always been different since day one. It was evident, obvious, yet…he thought he could change him…he thought if he took him in, he could set him on the “right” path.
Jason wasn’t sure what that “right” path was… But at that very second, at that very moment as he watched his lover slaughter every last motherfucker that did him wrong…
He had not a single spec of doubt on his mind that his path was, in fact, the “right” path.
Having grown up on the streets, it was kill or be killed…an eye for an eye. The world was no different. It was the same everywhere.
All his life, this is how he has lived and the only way he could live.
Watching Red Arrow’s chest rise and fall, blood dripping from his hands, an evident adrenaline rush still in his system, and dead bodies all around him… Jason couldn’t help but feel satisfied.
And then he saw it… Throwing his mask off, Roy looked up into the sky with a relieved expression on his face. Ecstatic.
He had his revenge. He was finally free.
It was Jason’s turn to finally feel this way too.
And then…they would both finally be free.
They would finally be alright.
They would live their lives the way they wanted.
“Jay…” the way Roy called out to him made Jason feel like he was the only one in the entire universe, that he was one and only…
“How does it feel?” he asked his man again. Jason was asked the same question once in his life, in a different setting. But…this was definitely a far better place to ask that in his opinion.
“It…changes nothing,” Roy’s reply momentarily made Jason’s heart clench, but he calmed down when the man continued, “But…they are dead…these scum…” Roy kicked the dead bodies for emphasis, smiling widely, “Lian, darling… You have been avenged.”
‘No piece of shit gets to live when my baby girl is dead’ echoed in Jason’s ears.
“Good…” Jason let out, stepping closer and Roy, still smiling, wrapped his arms around his lover’s neck, pressing on the release button of his mask, “Thanks, Jay…” he whispered, pulling his mask up enough to kiss his lips. Jason’s arms instantly hooked around Roy.
As they kissed, Jason’s mind couldn’t help but wander… Again he thought back to his so called 'family’ and what he knew they would have done in this situation. His blood boiled thinking about how he and Roy are now considered criminals for, ironically, killing such.
How he and Roy would most likely be hunted down for this…not that they didn’t already have visitors.
The “justice” most believed in…was a lie. And needed some serious work.
What Bruce failed to do for him… He was glad to see Roy did not.
'Rest well, Lian…’ Jason thought to himself as they made their way back home, an arm hooked over the other.
Peace was at a heavy price, is something Jason knew better than anyone else. And despite all odds, he and Roy were going to fight for it until the very end.
Just like when Todd broke out of his cage of a grave…
Just like when everyone turned away from Roy and he was forced to fend for himself.
Their path has only just begun.
The End.