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Never Have I Ever...

Summary:

Kay suggests playing Never Have I Ever. Klavier and Nahyuta lose spectacularly.

(Written for Blackmadhi Day)

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Somehow, Apollo, Ema, and Nahyuta being in town inexplicably meant that Apollo, Klavier, Ema, Kay, and Nahyuta all needed to hang out in Simon’s little apartment. Simon didn’t exactly dislike any of their company, but all of them together, plus the copious amounts of beer that Klavier brought over made the whole situation a bit overwhelming for Simon and Athena’s little apartment. His roommate, at least, was with Juniper and probably wouldn’t be back until the next morning at the earliest.

The conversation was pleasant enough, at least. The people who were living in Khura’in were mostly just telling the others about the various different weird things that had happened since Ga’ran had been overthrown. Which as it turned out there were a lot of, since Khura’in unsurprisingly became quite chaotic in the months immediately following their queen’s arrest.

They ran out of stories after a while, and since there wasn’t a whole lot interesting that had happened in LA since they’d last seen their significant others. The conversation sort of stagnated, until Simon’s detective came up with an interesting idea.

“You know what we should do?” Kay said. “We should play Never Have I Ever.”

“Why?” Apollo immediately asked. “We aren’t in high school.”

“Exactly!” Kay exclaimed. “It would be fun and nostalgic. I haven’t played in years.”

“What exactly is Never Have I Ever?” Nahyuta asked.

“It’s a game where you say something you haven’t done, and everyone who has done whatever you said has to take a drink,” Ema explained.

Nahyuta’s face flushed slightly pink. “I do not think I would be very good at that game,” he said.

“Don’t worry Yuty, we won’t make fun of you if you haven’t done anything. That’s good anyway, that means you win,” Kay said.

Simon scoffed and Nahyuta’s face turned brighter red and he looked away from the group of people staring at him. “That is… not what I meant,” Nahyuta muttered.

Simon glanced over at Klavier, who also was looking anywhere but the group and drinking his beer in an attempt to seem nonchalant.

This might actually be interesting.

“It may be enjoyable. I would not be opposed to the idea,” Simon said.

Apollo groaned and took another sip. “Fine, I’ll bite,” he said.

“I don’t give a shit,” Ema said, taking a sip of her drink and immediately following it with a handful of snackoos.

Nahyuta and Klavier sighed in unison. “Very well,” Nahyuta said first.

“Ach, ja I will play too, I suppose.”

“I’ll start,” Apollo said. He paused for a moment. “Never have I ever had a three-way,” he said.

Nahyuta and Klavier both took a drink, along with Kay.

“Am I next?” Ema asked. Apollo and Klavier nodded; she was next to Apollo going clockwise. “Okay uh, never have I ever given a blowjob.”

All the men narrowed their eyes at her and took a sip of their drinks.

“My turn!” Kay exclaimed. “Uh okay never have I ever… been handcuffed in a sexual situation.” Everyone else took a drink. Ema flipped her girlfriend off as she did.

“Very well,” Nahyuta said. “Never have I ever been handcuffed in a non-sexual situation.” Kay and Simon took a drink that time. Simon started grumbling angrily under his breath.

After a moment of pondering it, Simon decided to go with “never have I been in a four-way,” which resulted in only Nahyuta and Klavier drinking.

“I don’t know what to say,” Klavier said.

“Klav, just say something you haven’t done. It’s not that hard,” Apollo said.

Klavier furrowed his brows. “Never have I ever done meth,” he finally settled on. Nobody took a drink.

It continued on like that for a while. The statements ranged from “never have I ever gotten a tattoo” to “never have I ever been accused of murder” to “never have I ever been bound to a chair for over five hours.”

Nahyuta and Klavier pretty much drank every single round, since evidentially both of them had quite the sexual history. They also quickly ran out of things to say that they hadn’t done, and started resorting to outlandish things like “never have I ever been to the moon” and “never have I ever pet a monkey” (which Kay actually had done). They also each went through three or four beers in a little over an hour. Simon wasn’t exactly keeping track.

Apollo declared after a while that only realistic statements were allowed, leaving Nahyuta and his boyfriend at a loss. Simon was also a bit at a loss for words, given how much of Nahyuta’s history he’d apparently not told him. He didn’t really care about his boyfriend’s past or his exes, but he was certainly surprised it was as extensive that it apparently was.

“Never have I ever failed the forensics exam four times!” Klavier blurted out.

“Fuck you!” Ema screamed before taking a drink. “Never have I ever hit my boss in the head with a hackey sack!”

“Hey it’s my turn!” Apollo protested. Klavier flipped the detective off and took a swig from the bottle. “Never have I ever had a crush on Miles Edgeworth,” Apollo said.

“Fuck you, Apollo,” everyone else in the somewhat drunk group said in near perfect unison before taking a drink.

“Never have I ever had a crush on Phoenix Wright,” Kay retorted. Apollo glared at her and took a drink.

“Never have I ever gotten a stick and poke,” Nahyuta said.

“Nahyuta,” Simon growled, taking a sip of his beer. Nahyuta looked very pleased with himself.

“Never have I ever gotten my hair caught in a door,” Simon said with a smirk. If they were starting to specifically target each other, Simon could play at that game too. Nahyuta’s face fell and he reluctantly took a sip of his drink. Kay did as well.

“Never have I ever used snack food as a weapon,” Klavier said. Ema looked like she was seriously considering throwing her beer at him, but settled on one of the aforementioned snacks instead as she took a sip.

“Never have I ever physically assaulted my opponent in court,” Apollo said. Nahyuta and Simon took a drink.

“Never have I ever broken up my band because my gay ass had a crush,” Ema said, staring pointedly at Klavier.

“Entschuldigung,” Klavier said, taking a sip. “Bisexual ass, danke.”

“Never have I ever literally sacrificed my life for a teenage girl,” Kay announced.

Simon and Nahyuta looked at each other, clinked their bottles together, then silently drank.

“Never have I ever used a magic bracelet to coax testimony from witnesses,” Nahyuta said calmly. Apollo flipped him off.

By the time they stopped playing, Nahyuta and Klavier were about an inch away from passing out. Klavier and Apollo ended up crashing in Simon’s living room, since they were both far too drunk to get home and Nahyuta of course stayed in Simon’s bedroom with him. Ema and Kay were relatively sober, so they just took a taxi back to wherever they were going.

The next morning, Nahyuta stirred a little, then groaned loudly and pressed his fingers to his temples. He cursed in Khura’inese and attempted to sit up. “Ugh, how much did I drink?” he muttered, rubbing his temples with his middle fingers.

“You don’t remember?” Simon asked, sitting up.

“I do not remember anything.”

Simon stared at him for a second, then started laughing loudly. Nahyuta covered his ears. “You blacked out?” he laughed.

“First time since I was 18,” Nahyuta grumbled. He flopped back down on the bed and rolled over away from Simon just as Simon heard the front door open followed by a loud groan from the living room.

“Simon! I’m home!” Athena announced loudly. “Why are Apollo and Prosecutor Gavin sleeping on the couch?”  

Nahyuta groaned again, and Simon could hear Klavier do the same from the living room. “Your yellow pepper is too loud,” Nahyuta muttered, covering his ears with the pillow.

“You’re too hungover,” Simon said.

“Fuck you.”

Notes:

THIS IS SO DUMB I'M SORRY

Blame nerdyskeleton for this. Also find me on tumblr @mesa-verde if you want to chat with me