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For a long time, Even’s bedroom was his favourite place to be. His room was always filled with his favourite things - trinkets he’d collected from adventures and holidays, posters from movies and games and bands, and photos of the people he loved most. His room was his bubble of security, the place he could just be himself, quiet and steady and grounded.
His bed was his ultimate safe place. He was terrified of the dark as a child - or at least, scared of the things that lived in the dark, but he was sure that he would always be free from danger once he’d made the dash from his bedroom door and had dived onto the mattress. He would bundle himself up in the covers and listen to the monsters that scuttled around him, safe in the knowledge that he was untouchable in his bed, because it would envelope him entirely, and would keep him comfortable and safe until the morning came.
As he grew older, the monsters that lived in the dark became venomous voices that lived in his head and whispered awful things to him, pouring poison into his brain and scratching at his skull. Some days, he could fight them, some days they were quiet and the dark that they festered in was replaced with blinding light. But some days, when he fought, he lost. On those days all he'd had was his bed, the only thing that gave the smallest amount of comfort to his aching, brittle bones as he'd wrap himself up tight in his sheets and curl himself up as small as he could go, and he would lay there in silence, trying to learn how to breathe all over again.
His bedroom had been a look into his mind. Almost every drawing he drew - from one’s sketched onto napkins to ones that had taken him days - would be taped up onto his walls, his clothes and shoes and other belongings were strewn haphazardly across the floor or wherever he had dumped them, and he'd had ornaments and ticket stubs and photo frames rested on any surface that would hold them. It was always full of colour and a little too much noise and clutter, just like how it felt inside his head, and it had been the only place he had truly felt totally comfortable, because it had been his. It was a place where he could strip himself down to his very core and just be, without any masks or pretence.
Even didn’t know that that feeling of comfort, of feeling totally at ease, could be felt around another person, until he met Isak. Isak felt like home, in every way that Even recognised it. He made Even feel grounded, when sometimes he felt as though he was floating - as if his limbs and his brain and the rest of his body had all drifted off into different places - Isak’s soft smile and strong hold on Even’s hand helped him pull himself back together and fight the fog that clouded his thoughts. Isak made Even feel safe, when the voices in his head got loud and mean, Isak’s voice made its way through too, and it made it so much easier for Even to wait it out, to think rationally, instead of letting himself drown in all of the venom that pooled inside of him.
He and Isak had been together for years, and Isak had seen Even at his best and his worst, but he never looked at him any differently - just always full of love and adoration. Sometimes, Even thought he didn’t deserve it, but most of the time, he was just so grateful that Isak loved Even just as much as Even loved him. In a world that was so busy and chaotic and sometimes a little too much, Isak had been Even’s constant, always there beside him; through everything that he went through, they went through it together. Their lives were knotted together so tightly that Even could never imagine a time where Isak wouldn’t be around, and Isak was always there to remind Even that he didn’t have to imagine, because it would never happen. No matter what, they’d always be there for each other in whatever way they needed to be.
This was Even’s favourite place - his safest place. Laid in bed, curled up on his side, with the sun pooling in from the gap in the flimsy curtains, facing the most beautiful soul he’d ever known. Isak had his hand on Even’s cheek and was stroking his thumb back and forth, he had a small smile on his face and his eyes were drooping as Even threaded his fingers through Isak’s hair and rubbed circles into his scalp.
Their home now was much better than their first home together, which had been falling apart at the seams, with curling wallpaper and broken appliances and a lot of unidentifiable stains, but they hadn’t really minded. Though Even was glad to have upgraded to a place with heating that actually worked, he didn’t cling on to places anymore - any place with Isak was home.
Since it was a Sunday, and a rare day where neither of them had to get up for anything in particular, they had both decided to spend as much of their day as they could in bed, because days in which neither of them were busy were far and few between. There was always something to be done - people to meet, work to do, and everything seemed like it was always rushed; time passed too quickly and there were never enough hours in the day. Even loved days like this, where everything felt so wonderfully slow and gentle, where time didn’t matter for a while, and the tension in his muscles from the need to hurry, the need to get things done, melted away with each breath.
“I missed you,” Even said quietly, shuffling himself even closer to Isak so that he could rub their noses together.
Isak snorted, scrunching his face up.
“We live together Even. We sleep in the same bed every night,” he replied, rolling his eyes.
That may be true, but lately life had become even more hectic for them both. Isak worked late into the evening most days, and Even had just taken on a second part time job, so his hours were even more obscure. It felt as though they didn’t get much time to just stop and breathe each other in anymore. They tried their best, ate breakfast together every morning, and before they slept on a night they would talk through their days together in the darkness, but they were always too exhausted to stay awake for long. No length of time spent with Isak would be enough, Even figured.
“You know what I mean. We don’t get a lot of time together, just us,” retorted Even, and Isak’s face softened at that.
“Yeah, I know,” he mumbled, then paused before adding -
“I missed you too.”
Even grinned and pressed a kiss to Isak’s forehead, and Isak wriggled himself forward to bury his head in Even’s neck with a contented sigh, as he slung his arm over Even’s waist and hooked their ankles together.
“Being an adult is terrible, can’t we just stay in bed all week?” Isak mumbled into Even’s neck, his breath warm against Even’s skin as he spoke.
“Today we can, but we both have work tomorrow, I’m afraid,” replied Even.
Isak groaned and hugged Even tighter, and Even shut his eyes and held Isak close, feeling Isak’s heartbeat thudding softly against his own chest, and feeling the warmth that seeped out of Isak’s skin. Isak was always so warm; sometimes the heat that radiated off of him was almost unbearable, but Even couldn’t sleep unless he and Isak were tangled together completely, so he never distanced himself, regardless of how hot it was.
They still had a lot to do today, if they were being honest with themselves. Despite it being their day off, they still had a list pinned to the fridge in their kitchen of things they needed to do in their spare time. Their bedroom was still only half decorated - only two walls painted - and they still hadn’t put together their new set of drawers, which had been left unopened in it’s box for months. There was shopping to do, bills to pay, and paperwork to fill in. But for now, both of them decided to let themselves just be for a while, letting themselves enjoy each other and enjoy the day without thinking too hard.
They dozed in and out of sleep for the best part of the morning, until Isak’s stomach growling loudly made them drag themselves out of bed to find some food. They moved into the kitchen, sitting opposite each other at their table as they both talked about their past weeks over their steaming mugs of coffee and plates of food.
Isak talked with his whole body, and Even loved it. When he was talking about something he cared about, he would wave his hands about wildly, as if pulling the words out of the air, his face scrunching up into a frown or breaking into the widest smile, depending on what he was talking about. Even had his chin rested in his hands and his elbows propped on the table as he listened to Isak complain about one of his coworkers, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth curled downwards in a grimace.
“He’s just so lazy, and I’m sick of picking up the pieces for him and then getting in trouble for the stuff he doesn’t do, it’s not-”
Isak’s words faded out as Even leant across the table to smooth out the wrinkle between Isak’s eyes with his fingers, before using both his hands to push the corners of Isak’s mouth upwards, making Isak roll his eyes and sigh dramatically as he tried to stop himself from laughing. Even just grinned in response, and Isak’s face melted into a fond smile as he grabbed one of Even’s hands before he could withdraw them, so that he could tangle their fingers together.
“How’s having two jobs going?” asked Isak, tilting his head a little and giving Even’s hand a squeeze.
Even was doing one job he loved, one he looked forward to every day despite the strange hours and hard work, and one job in a supermarket that he truly hated. The first job barely paid anything, but it was one step closer to Even’s dream job, so he’d taken the other job to compensate. It was a lot, and sometimes Even was so tired that his eyes stung and his bones felt as though they were about to fall apart, and some days Even didn’t think it was worth it at all. Isak was worried, and Even knew it - Even was sometimes so in over his head that his brain just short circuited and left him blank and limp, and made everything in the world seem worthless. He was getting better at coping with it; even on days like that he could manage to drag himself upright, and at least have a drink and change his clothes so he could feel a little more human, but sometimes he didn’t even have time to pull himself back together, and that was when things started to get much worse.
“It’s tough, but worth it,” Even admitted eventually, squeezing Isak’s hand back.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, it’s what I want to do,” Even nodded, and Isak nodded back, pulling their joined hands up to his face so that he could kiss Even’s knuckles.
Isak was supportive in his own quiet ways. It was in how he never questioned Even’s choices - he trusted that Even knew himself and knew what he could and couldn’t do, but was always there to help him back on his feet if ever Even would ever need it. They balanced each other out wonderfully, supporting each other through everything, and they worked hard together to make things work. Even wasn’t entirely sure what he had done to be so lucky.
Even sometimes got so stuck in his own head that he forgot the point of everything, and he lost everything but the dark fog that filled him up and made time pass in jolting and jarring movements, making doing anything, thinking anything, a monumental effort. The past week had been tough, and Even could feel himself starting to blur around the edges, his thoughts getting a little more disjointed and mixed up. He needed a day like today, where he could just put everything on pause for a while, and give himself time to pull himself back together.
Isak had noticed, of course he had; he knew Even so well, and seemed to pick up on even the smallest of Even’s mannerisms. Mostly, Isak never said anything about it, but he maybe hugged Even a little tighter, and told Even funny stories just to get him to smile more, and he made sure that Even ate and drank and slept plenty, because sometimes, even just doing those things were difficult.
“Shall we go back to bed?” asked Isak, hauling himself out of his seat and pulling Even up with him. Even rose up out of his own chair and rocked forward, bumping into Isak’s chest, and Isak wrapped his arms around Even’s waist as Even buried his face into Isak’s neck.
“We have so much to do, though,” Even mumbled, raising his head to scowl at the list on their fridge behind Isak. It was now two pages long, and barely any of the jobs had been crossed off.
“They can wait,” replied Isak simply, moving his hands to Even’s hips so he could give him a gentle push backwards towards the door.
“But we’ve been saying we were going to redecorate for months, and we said we would meet up with the boys on our next day off,” Even argued. It was half hearted, and he was still letting Isak walk him backwards towards their bedroom, despite his protests.
Isak stopped to raise an eyebrow at Even, his arms moving to settle around Even’s neck instead.
“Are you really saying no to me asking you to come back to bed, in favour of painting?” he asked incredulously.
Even shrugged. He so badly wanted to spend the rest of his day in bed with Isak, but all of the things they had to do were looming over him, and everything just felt too heavy and too much.
Isak sighed and leant forward so that he could kiss Even, and Even melted into it, letting his eyes flutter shut as he brought his hand up to cup Isak’s jaw, right as Isak’s hands moved up to tangle themselves in the hair at the nape of Even’s neck.
They broke apart, but didn’t move far. Even kept his forehead pressed against Isak’s, and when Isak spoke, Even could feel his breath ghosting over his lips.
“Those things can wait. The boys will understand, and the other stuff can keep till another day. We both need this, Even. We need a break.”
Even didn’t say a word, but reached down to grab Isak’s hand and pulled him towards the bedroom, stopping once they were there and letting go of Isak just so he could pull his hoodie over his head and curl back into their sheets, shuffling himself backwards to make space for Isak. Isak grinned and pulled off his own hoodie - which, Even was almost certain was actually his hoodie, since the sleeves went way past Isak’s hands - and crawled in beside Even with a contented sigh.
Sometimes, it felt like they were worlds away from the people they were when they first met, both lost in their different ways and searching for their places in the world. They had come so far from that, become so much stronger, and finally had both feet firmly on the ground most of the time. But then sometimes, on a day like this, where they were curled up together sharing slow, lazy kisses, with Isak’s fingernails leaving half-moon imprints in Even’s skin, and Even’s hands buried in Isak’s hair, it felt as though no time had passed at all. Lots of things had changed, many moments had passed them by and both of them were much older now - they’d both grown into their gangly teenage frames, and school was just a distant memory - but they both of them were constant’s to each other, a permanent reminder of their pasts, their present, and their future.
“Isn’t this much better than painting?” Isak muttered into Even’s skin when they broke apart for air. Even laughed quietly and nudged Isak’s head with his shoulder until he lifted it so that he could press kisses along Isak’s jaw.
“So much better,” Even agreed.
“This is my favourite place in the world.”
Isak snorted and raised an eyebrow.
“Our shitty, half decorated flat is your favourite place? Can I remind you that we went to Paris last year?”
Even smiled and shook his head, kissing Isak’s forehead, then the tip of his nose, and then back down to his lips.
“No, my favourite place is anywhere that you are,” Even stated simply. There was a time where Isak might have rolled his eyes at that, or told Even to shut up with a blush dusting his cheeks. But this time, he just grinned brightly and leant forward to kiss Even properly, mumbling a “same” against his lips.
Even never thought he could find a home in someone - find someone that always made him feel so safe and at ease. He and Isak didn’t rely on each other entirely, they were their own people, with their own lives, but they found so much comfort in each other, and being together made their lives so much easier, and so much more fun.
Isak searched Even’s face for a while, smiling softly as Even used his fingertips to trace Isak’s face, and just as Even was about to let his eyes fall shut once more, Isak broke the silence, and made Even’s heart jump up into his throat.
“Marry me.”
Even’s eyes snapped open, and Isak was watching him intently. His eyes were flitting back and forth nervously, and he was biting his lip. Even’s brain couldn’t quite process what Isak had just said, so he just stared at Isak opened mouthed for a while, whilst Isak squirmed uncomfortably and swore under his breath.
“I had something planned. I was going to take us both out somewhere, and I thought about maybe writing a speech or something, but I’m terrible with words and-”
Isak took a deep breath and rolled his eyes at himself, before giving Even a shaky smile.
“But then I thought, why wait? Because today is a good day, and a day where we’re not busy for once, and I know being married won’t change us, but I just-” Isak stopped again and took another breath, then hauled himself up, away from Even and out of the bed, searching for something on their floor.
He made a triumphant noise as he found his discarded pair of jeans, and he stuffed his hand into the pockets to pull out something wrapped in tissue paper.
“I wasn’t looking or anything, but I saw this and I thought of you. I thought that I want to spend as long as I can with you, and getting married just seems like the next logical step, right?” Isak climbed back on the bed and sat cross legged in front of Even, unwrapping the paper carefully before holding out a ring in the palm of his hand.
It was black, but was covered with an intricate pattern in gold, as if it had been shattered and then had all of the broken gaps filled with molten sunlight, and Even stared at it, watching how the light caught on the gold and cast a yellow glow across Isak’s hand.
Even didn’t know how long he was silent for, but it was long enough for Isak to get the wrong idea. Isak curled his fist up around the ring and deflated a little.
“We don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” Isak said, his voice barely above a whisper, and that made Even come crashing back down from wherever he’d been floating.
“Isak,” Even managed to choke out, pushing himself upright so that he was mirroring Isak’s position. He sat opposite Isak with his legs crossed, and reached out to wrap his fingers around Isak’s wrist.
Isak looked up, and just for a second they were seventeen and nineteen all over again. Isak’s hair had grown out recently, his unruly curls flopped over his forehead and he looked so small and so nervous - quiet and shrunken in on himself, just like he was when they very first met, until he had quickly blossomed before Even's eyes. Isak couldn't quite meet Even's eyes, and he was worrying his lip between his teeth with his shoulders up by his ears, but he relaxed with a tiny sigh when Even’s hand moved down to curl around Isak’s closed fist.
“Of course I want to marry you,” Even breathed out, as he unfurled Isak’s fingers one by one to see the ring again.
“Yeah?” said Isak, his voice wobbling ever so slightly, and Even huffed out a laugh.
“Did you honestly think I would say no?”
Isak smiled then, his lips curling up into a crooked grin as he looked up to Even and raised an eyebrow.
“Well you have been staring at me like I’m crazy ever since I asked you,” he argued, and that was when the laughter started.
Hiccuping giggles bubbled up in Even’s chest, and he couldn’t help the laughter that doubled him over so that his forehead fell onto Isak’s shoulder whilst he laughed so hard it burned his lungs in the most wonderful way. He could feel Isak’s shoulder’s shaking beneath his head, and could hear him laughing too, gasping out little breaths as he hid his face in Even’s hair.
It was a moment that Even wished he could bottle up for bad days, where the joy was just so much that they couldn’t hold it in, and it radiated from every inch of them both as they laughed together.
“Of course I want to marry you,” Even said again, once their laughter had died down and Even had moved back to cradle Isak’s head in his hands.
The smile that lit up Isak’s face was the brightest and most beautiful thing that Even had ever seen. It was the brightest smile from the brightest soul, so full of love and adoration, and all for Even to keep, forever. Isak pulled Even in for a bruising kiss, pulling him forward with so much force that they almost toppled off the bed together. Neither could stop laughing or smiling, and Even was sure his heart was going to burst from the overwhelming happiness that took him over completely.
The ring didn’t fit, of course. It was a little bit too big, and Isak cursed and promised to get it changed as soon as he could, but Even just shrugged it off and found a chain to put the ring on so that he could wear it around his neck instead. It was the most imperfectly perfect thing, and he wouldn’t want it any different.
They settled back down in bed eventually, Even’s head resting on Isak’s chest, feeling it rise and fall as he breathed, and listening to the rumbling of Isak's voice as he spoke.
“We can do it properly, I’ll take you out on a date and I’ll get the ring resized - we can go somewhere really nice, anywhere you like,” Isak mumbled, sounding a little bashful.
“No,” Even said sternly, resting his chin on Isak’s chest so that he could look up at him.
“No. This was perfect.”
Isak raised a disbelieving eyebrow, his eyes shining with amusement.
“Perfect?”
“Well, maybe not perfect by definition. But perfect to me,” corrected Even, and Isak grinned, reaching down to hold the ring around Even’s neck between his fingers.
“Eskild is going to lose his shit,” giggled Isak, his laughter jostling Even’s head.
Even laughed with him, moving so he could curl back on his side again and face Isak once more.
“Magnus and Mahdi too. Does Jonas already know?” asked Even.
“Of course. He convinced me to buy the ring when I saw it,” replied Isak softly.
“I’ll have to message him to say thank you.”
“Tell him thank you from me too,” Even said as he moved forward to kiss Isak again. He would never get bored of this, of spending time with this wonderfully smart, funny, and kind person that was always so full of love. Even loved Isak with his whole heart, and the most incredible thing was that Isak loved him back just as much, and knowing that always left Even a little bit in awe.
They spent most of that day in bed, until the sun went down and they got restless, so they decided to finish off painting their room with music blaring loudly and bright orange paint spatters covering their clothes and faces and tangling into their hair. Even laughed so hard his cheeks hurt as Isak sang at the top of his lungs with smears of paint across his face, waving his paintbrush around as though he was conducting, whilst their phones buzzed non-stop with messages from their friends and family, all filled with congratulations and love.
This was the safest place Even could be, with a boy who loved him unconditionally, and bright orange paint covering the walls and nothing but happiness and loud music filling the room. This was Even’s forever, no matter what, and it was sealed with a promise that was chained around his neck. Today, Even felt that no matter what came, no matter how hard things could be and how lost he might get, he always had a home to come back to.