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"I miss you so much." The words float off Michael's lips and hang there. They remain suspended lightly in the air, but heavy in the boys' hearts.
"I know.." Calum sighs. "I miss you, too."
Both of them clutch the phones in their hands as if they're life lines, as if the other voice drifting through the speaker is the only thing they have. In a way though, it is.
"Tonight's been.. Well it's been hard," Michael admits. He sounds weak, tired, and defeated. Calum wants nothing more than to wipe away all of his boyfriend's sadness. He wants to hold him close and mend his slowly-breaking spirit.
"Mikey, you know I hate this. God, you know how fucking hard this is. I'd do anything to be there with you right now."
Michael accidentally whimpers and tries to cover it up with a cough, but Calum hears it. His heart cracks in half at the soft noise. Knowing that he's the cause of Michael's pain is almost too much to bear.
"Baby.." He coos gently. "Baby please don't- don't do that."
Calum can hear a deep, shaking breath being sucked in by the boy on the other line before the short response comes. "It's Christmas eve."
Each word drives the stake further into Calum's heart. He has to swallow hard to attempt to remove the lump that suddenly is lodged in his throat. "I-"
Michael interrupts him before he can form the words to match his thoughts. "No one should be alone on Christmas Eve."
That final blow is the one that breaks Calum. The tightness in his throat becomes overwhelming and air seems slightly unattainable.
The tears that are streaming down his cheeks are evident in Calum's voice as he says, "Try not to think that way. I'm here. I'm here.."
The words disappear into the phone and he's not sure how they're affecting Michael, who he imagines is curled up with only his voice on their couch. He's probably wearing his stupid, red pajama pants that he always wears. His hair is probably a disheveled mess. He knows how his eyes are most likely drooping from sleepiness at this point. Their little heater should be on by now, warming the sad boy's feet. And if he knows Michael at all, there's Christmas music playing somewhere in the background. Calum can picture the whole scene. It's a scene that he is regretfully absent from.
"But, Cal, you're not.." His voice brings him out of his thoughts.
"Yes I am. I'm right here with you. I'll always be with you, even if I can't be there physically at the moment. Understand?" Calum forces a smile through his tears as he says this.
"Okay.."God, Michael sounds so small.
"I'll be home from uni in a couple of months. I'm saving up so I should even be able to afford the plane ticket home," Calum explains.
This time, his smile is a genuine one as he sneaks a glance at the suitcase occupying the seat beside him.
"I know, babe. I'll be counting down the days," Michael replies wistfully.
Calum feels a twist of guilt in his stomach, but he's forced to ignore it.
"Same. I hope you're having at least a decent Christmas Eve."
"Besides not being able to spend it with the boy I love, it's okay."
"That's good I guess," Calum says, unsure. After a lingering silence, he adds, "I wish I never accepted this scholarship."
"No, don't say that. You're finally living your dream. I couldn't hold you back from that. I just wish your dream wasn't a uni across the country," Michael says.
"Same.." Calum sighs again and his eyes fall upon the clock. "Well um, I have to get going.."
Michael's whimper this time is much more audible. He's breaking apart on the other side of the line and the only thing that keeps Calum together is the sight of a seemingly insignificant road sign.
"Okay. Merry Christmas, baby." Michael's voice cracks with emotion not even halfway through the sentence.
The sadness and the guilt from his white lies would have overcome Calum at this point, had he not kept his focus on the small green sign up ahead. It's right there. It's so close.
"Merry Christmas. I'll see you soon," Calum says.
Little does his boyfriend know just how soon.
"I love you."
"I love you, too. Bye."
With extreme care, Calum hangs up his phone. He hates to hurt him like this, but it's about to all be worth it.
He tosses his phone on top of his suitcase and quickly pulls out from the gas station's parking lot, driving straight towards the sign. He reaches it with a quickening heart and turns onto the familiar road. He can hardly contain himself as he thinks about the flat at the end.
Because in that flat is a boy who has bright hair, tired eyes, and thinks he's about to spend Christmas alone.
•••••
Michael shivers, pulling the blankets tighter with no effect. The room around him is a little too cold and a little too empty, resembling his heart right now. He sniffles yet again and then scolds himself for being so weak.
Why the fuck is he letting this upset him so much?
Yeah, his boyfriend isn't able to make it home this year and yeah, he's spending the holidays in the exact position he's in now, but that doesn't give him an excuse.
The phone is dead weight in his hands. He stares long and hard at the spot that was emitting Calum's voice a moment ago. It's light has turned to blank darkness, reminding him that he's gone. He can't seem to tear his eyes away from it, though.
Dammit, why did he have to fall so hard for that boy?
Michael squeezes his eyes shut and let's the tune of Winter Wonderland envelop him. The sound floats in from the kitchen and he hums along to it in a desperate attempt at distraction.
There's food on the counter, but for some reason, he doesn't have much of an appetite today.
The air grows colder still. With no arms to cuddle him back into warmth, he gives in to the shivers.
The radio goes quiet for a second before switching songs.
Michael's heart drops.
'I'll Be Home For Christmas' fills the apartment.
The lyrics begin to strangle Michael, he can feel them clawing at his throat. Tears well up in his eyes and the sobs expand in his chest.
He's about to loose it completely when he hears a small click at the door that sends his hopes soaring.
His heart jumps into his throat when dark eyes and an excited grin peek in.
Before he knows what's happening, Michael's up and running- yes running- into his boyfriend's arms. Calum's laugh bursts through the chilly air, instantly warming it. Michael is surrounded by Calum's hug and his mind is spinning out of control. All he can do at first is smile brightly.
When his thoughts slow down a little, he begins peppering Calum with kisses.
"I thought you weren't coming home, you idiot," he whispers while pressing his lips to Calum's neck. He adds more kisses to his cheeks, forehead, nose, and finally mouth.
Their kiss is short-lived, broken by their laughter.
"That was the point, silly!" Calum says.
"But.. But do you know how hard this was?" Michael questions, his voice quivering with his lack of strength.
"I know and I'm sorry. But it wouldn't have been much of a surprise if I told you I was coming, would it?"
"No I guess not."
The two boys stare at each other, trying to say everything with their eyes. Love radiates from their gazes. Neither of them makes a move to get away from the doorway.
"God I missed you so fucking much," Michael finally says, reattaching their lips. This kiss is slower, deeper, and more emotional. The taste of their tears is shared between tongues.
Neither of them could have asked for a better Christmas present.