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Law knew that his mind? Well, it wasn’t in the most healthy of states.
He knew he was fucked up beyond any full state of repair. He knew that he was reckless to a tee. He knew that he made decisions that no sane man should. It wasn’t that he was suicidal per se, but more that he just, quite frankly, didn’t give a damn. (And he knew that he should.) And sure, maybe there were some suicidal tendencies in him, but he wasn’t… well, actively suicidal. More like: Why the hell not? It’s not like I matter anyway...
(Honestly, he didn’t know what was worse: seeking death, or simply not caring.)
His morbid, sardonic humour wasn’t helping his case, either.
And some days, well…
Law couldn’t find a reason to get up in the mornings.
Why? He would ponder.
(Cora-san. Cora-san. He would remind himself.)
But, even then, on his worst days, he would find that not even the thought of vengeance had enough fire to get him started in the mornings.
(Those days were the days that Law would lose himself in this sense of helplessness. Days where he doubted what he could do. He doubted his capabilities of challenging and winning against Doflamingo. Of even getting there in one piece.)
Eventually, however, he would get out of that slump. Usually by the help of his crew. (Although, they didn’t know his end game. They would just drag him on out of bed, and start a ‘cheer the captain up’ party and just…)
It only gave him cause for concern of just what would happen if he obtained his goal, and lived to see the results.
(Which, probably, was what prompted him to go on a suicidal mission to defeat Doflamingo. Because he was afraid. Afraid of how empty he would feel afterwards. A man with no more purpose to drive him…)
Of course, he had not expected the storm that was Monkey D. Luffy…
.xxx.
It was hard, the first time waking up.
Gone. It was gone. The reason.
What was the point? He found himself asking. Why am I still here? And not the physical reason.
(That reason was Luffy. The idiot who decided, for whatever reason, that he was important.)
He didn't want to wake up.
.xxx.
His crew was happy to see him. Laughter. Tears. Cheers.
And still, he found himself wondering: Why?
Every god damned morning.
.xxx.
The ‘parties’ weren't helping. He knew his crew was worried. He knew that even Luffy’s crew was worried. But what was Law to say? That he lost his purpose? His reason?
(Although, for some strange reason, Law found something to get him out of bed each morning. A memory, if it was even that. When he decided to say fuck it and just fall back into bed instead of standing up, he heard a scream.)
Torao!!
(At the very least, it startled him to attention.)
.xxx.
The nightmares never truly stopped.
Law didn't think they ever would.
Those things sometimes had him rousing from bed, if only to relocate himself from a place that invited a worsened mood. That usually was in the middle of the night however. It wasn't a reason to keep going. Just a reason to avoid the worse.
And he usually ended up at his desk or another similar space where he would just fall into a state of melancholic semi-consciousness. Where he would return to the world, just wondering that same question:
Why?
.xxx.
It had been gradual. Subtle. That more and more, Law would hear that scream. And sometimes, just sometimes he would see a smile.
Hear that laughter.
Or his name sung out instead of screamed.
”Torao~”
.xxx.
And now? Now, as Law looked down at the form next to him, as he smiled, hand stroking his hair softly, Law didn't hear that screaming anymore. He didn't need to imagine his smile or his laughter. He didn't need to imagine the way that Luffy would sing out his name happily.
Because all he had to open his eyes and see.
See the reason he woke up every morning.