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Again, it began to rain.
As an unusual, unnamed feeling fell upon Yusuke's heart and spread throughout his chest, it began to rain again.
Alone in his dorm room, sitting on his bed, as he stared into space while daydreaming, Yusuke was suddenly struck with that feeling. His fingers twitched on his knees and his lips flattened into a line, forming a frown all on their own. No particular thought seemed to be the cause, but once it was there, it was impossible to ignore. It was like hearing someone calling his name. Once he noticed it, it felt like it wasn't the first time, like it was an echo, like he'd heard it once or twice before and had missed the chance to respond.
But he didn't know what it was or where it came from. It seemed pointless to even give it thought, but its familiarity was unsettling. With each drop of rain that fell from the evening sky, the ripples within him increased and grew wider, though the reflection upon the surface became no clearer.
He stood. Moved himself to the center of the room. Held a hand to his chin, and thought.
It was a problem, that feeling.
It wasn't just bothersome. It was troublesome, too.
The finished painting that sat in the corner of his room... When Yusuke's eyes fell upon it, the rain seemed to intensify. The clear light of hope that shined through the darkness of desire was meant to be a representation of his friends and their guidance, but, when he looked at it, he suddenly felt at a loss. He thought he filled that painting with his most sincere feelings, yet its light failed to illuminate the cause of his sudden unease.
His small room felt much smaller than usual. The sound of the rain relentlessly assaulted his ears.
It was alright, though. It was probably nothing.
If he put on his shoes and left his room, he wasn't running away from it. He was just stepping out for a bit of fresh air. With the rain, it was just humid. It was humid and his body was weak, so that was all.
It was fine.
It was nothing.
That feeling that betrayed his painting... It was nothing.
Nothing...
Yet, when Yusuke reached the edge of the hallway and his nose caught a familiar scent, his legs stopped and his body froze as if paralyzed. It became apparent that the thing he was trying to avoid wasn't nothing. Although he still wasn't able to put a finger on it, he suddenly felt the need to see Akira.
Turning the corner, he found two of his classmates sitting in the common area, the two of them drinking coffee together. It was easy to mentally replace the image in front of his eyes with that of himself and Akira. A smile unconsciously found its way back to his face as he lifted a hand to greet them.
“Blue Mountain?” he asked.
The two boys looked at him, but neither of them said anything. After a moment, one muttered something to the other and they both turned away. Thinking that they may have simply misheard him, Yusuke repeated himself more clearly, but neither responded.
Getting the feeling that they weren't in the mood for conversation, Yusuke adjusted the bag on his shoulder and began to walk away.
When he was around the corner, he heard one of them scoff and mutter, “He's so weird.”
Even though he was just being friendly.
It was unfair.
And it was cruel. Until recently, he hadn't let it bother him. He knew that he was a little different from everyone else, so he finally acknowledged that and accepted it as a part of himself, but a feeling of concern began to take hold of him when he found people who he cared about. If being 'eccentric' meant focusing on himself and acting self-indulgently, then that part of him was falling away as he listened more closely to the feelings of those around him.
Once he was outside of himself, he couldn't go back in, he found. No matter what he did to cover his eyes, he couldn't avoid noticing the way that others thought about him. Their expectations began to matter.
It was intimidating – especially when there was one whose expectations he wanted to meet more than anyone else's.
Outside, the way the streetlights melted into hazy colors in the dark puddles along the side of the road looked beautiful in the most melancholy of ways. Although there was a sketchbook in the bag under his arm, Yusuke felt the barest urge to draw it. Something about it was just too sad, and he felt like he wouldn't have been able to properly render it anyway. If he put his pencil to the page and failed, with his strange mood, he felt like it would have only twisted him up further.
He opened his umbrella and began to walk.
He didn't need to call... He didn't have a reason to anymore, though. His painting had won the exhibition, so that was proof. Akira did everything he was asked to do, so, at that point, Yusuke felt like it would've been wrong to ask any more of him.
There wasn't any reason for him to go there. He didn't have any art books for them to look at together, no more documentaries for them to watch on Akira's secondhand television. Even inspiration eluded him, making the sketchbook in his bag feel useless. There was always the Sayuri, but he knew it would seem strange if he showed up so late and claimed that he only wished to see the painting.
He didn't want to become a bother, but he had another problem he couldn't solve alone.
All of his pride must have been premature. It may have simply been a fluke that Desire and Hope won the exhibition. It seemed that he didn't understand the heart after all. His own feelings were an absolute mystery to him.
He needed someone like Akira-...
No – Akira himself and no one else.
Only Akira could explain why he was suddenly assailed with such an overwhelming feeling when doing nothing at all. Akira would probably understand why the scent of coffee made his feet automatically set off upon the course to Leblanc. It was too soon for him to start stressing over it. Even though he felt it before a number of times, he had a feeling that Akira would be able to help him understand it.
Unlike the elusive appeal of the Sayuri that he sought to replicate, the feeling that filled him up when he was alone was a markedly terrible feeling – one that he wanted to push away as quickly as possible. It took a hold of his heart and tightly squeezed. That sort of stinging, irritating feeling – he'd never wish it on anyone. If he didn't take care of it quickly, he was afraid that it would find its way into his artwork. He didn't want to risk letting it infect anyone else. Worse, he was afraid that if it continued, he'd lose the motivation to even pick up his brush.
After a short trip by train, after another walk down streets deserted in the rain, Yusuke reached his destination.
Beneath the awning, he closed his umbrella and reached for the door. His hand hesitated a moment and a slight panic mixed with the already pitiful feeling swimming inside of him, worried that his unannounced presence may be unwanted.
As he anxiously removed his phone from his pocket, it vibrated in his hand.
Is that you out there?
Raising his head, he looked through the window and found Akira looking back, leaning halfway across the counter to wave at him.
He was smiling.
It's me, Yusuke answered back.
Perhaps it was silly for him to text back a response before opening the door, but... It made Akira laugh, and it didn't feel like he was laughing at him. With his heart feeling a little lighter, Yusuke was able to open the door. He went inside and made sure that the door closed properly behind him.
“What brings you?” Akira asked, resting his chin in his palm.
Before he could answer that question, there were other more important questions on Yusuke's mind.
He looked about the shop. “Is the Boss out?” he asked. There didn't seem to be anyone else in the shop. It was just him, Akira, and Morgana who was snoozing on the stool farthest from the door.
“Oh. Yeah, he went home to check on Futaba.”
That made sense. Sojiro claimed that it was a regular occurrence for Futaba to collapse for a few days at a time if she wore herself out, but that casual explanation belied how concerned he was about her. She was family to him; even if he didn't show it, he cared enough about her to check on her while she was unwell. He really was a kind man. The more Yusuke learned about him, the happier he was with his decision of entrusting him with his mother's painting.
Briefly, Yusuke felt it was a shame that there weren't more customers there to appreciate its serene beauty. That thought quickly left; it was enough that he and Akira were there. He hadn't looked at the painting since he entered, so it was a little strange, but he felt much better. Perhaps just being in its presence was enough to calm him.
After placing his umbrella in the bin by the door, Yusuke took a seat at the bar. Had there been other customers, he would have chosen an inconspicuous place at one of the booths at the back, but it felt like there was only one place for him to be when he was there alone with Akira.
“As I thought, this place is so relaxing,” he said softly, almost to himself. “I wonder what it is that makes it feel that way.”
“Were the dorms bugging you?” Akira asked. He tilted his head slightly with a curious look. A bit of his unruly hair fell over the frames of his glasses and Yusuke found himself mesmerized, staring at his own reflection in front of Akira's eyes.
The dorm itself wasn't the problem, probably. But that was the problem, in a way. He couldn't figure out what was wrong. The feeling that constricted his heart tended to appear most when he returned to the dorm, but it was there at other times, too; occasionally while he was in class, while he was riding the train, while watching people in the station walkway. It seemed to appear at arbitrary times, but it was never there while he was at Leblanc – only when he had to leave.
It was quite unlike anything else. Because it was so formless, he couldn't grasp it. He couldn't even find the words to explain it.
He couldn't keep avoiding Akira's questions.
“I'm sorry, Akira. It seems I'm in trouble.”
Even saying that much, he felt ashamed of himself. He really didn't want to ask for his help.
Akira's shoulders stiffened. For a second, he was very still, then he leaned forward, placing both hands on the counter, an intense look on his face. “Is somebody threatening you? What sort of trouble are we talking about?”
Yusuke couldn't help but let out a laugh. (He tried to be quiet for Morgana's sake.) “It's nothing so dangerous. Please, don't worry yourself. It's just...” He played with his hands in his lap, trying to arrange his cluttered thoughts. “I think I may have overestimated my progress. I was so elated when my piece won at the exhibition. I thought I was closer to understanding the heart, but it seems that there's still so much to learn.”
A small spot of silence fell. Yusuke nervously lifted his gaze to look at Akira's face and watched as his expression softened with a gentle smile.
“Yeah, of course,” he said. He didn't look surprised at all. “I thought you would've already realized how complicated it is. I don't blame you, though. I get the feeling that a lot of people don't even stop to wonder why they do the things they do. It's tough.”
It was. And Yusuke was afraid that if he looked at his feelings hard enough, he would end up discovering something he would've been better off not knowing. It felt like he was getting close to something dangerous.
He still didn't have the words, at a loss. He wanted badly to tell him what was wrong.
“I'll get you some coffee,” Akira said. Tightening the ties of his apron behind his back, he went off to brew him a cup without waiting for a response.
He was so nice. That sort of kindness was nearly unbearable to someone who was unused to it. It took Yusuke by surprise every time. Such sincerity made him require a moment to steady his breathing, to calm his strangely pounding heart.
It was just coffee. That was all it was, and yet that one small gesture felt like a lot.
Yusuke watched Akira's profile as he prepared the coffee. The rain continued to fall, but the blurry sound of it nicely complemented the shop's silence. Every little sound added to the atmosphere's palette; Akira running the water, getting a cup from the shelf, the percolating coffee...
It was so peaceful.
Yusuke loved it.
As the coffee's fragrance became more distinctive, he felt something tugging at his heart again, awakened by the familiar smell.
“Blue Mountain...?” he asked hesitantly.
Akira cast a surprised look over his shoulder. “Oh, you could tell?” He laughed softly and shook his head at himself. “What am I saying? Of course you'd know... It's your favorite, isn't it? It was the kind Sojiro gave you when you first visited. I noticed that you had a cup of it every time you came here after that.”
That wasn't entirely true. It wasn't necessarily his favorite. He just preferred taking the Boss's recommendation. But that wasn't what mattered.
“Thank you.” He was just touched that Akira had noticed. It might've been part of his training to notice things like that, but still. That didn't change the way it made him feel. “You were busy last time, so I didn't get to stay. I really wanted to try your coffee.”
“That so?” Akira returned, placing a cup of steaming coffee in front of him on the counter. “Then I hope I meet your expectations. I made it the way Sojiro taught me, so it ought to be as good as his. I can't wait to hear what you think.”
Gently grasping the cup by the handle, Yusuke raised it and took a moment, just breathing in the warm steam and the comforting smell. There was no doubt that the smell of fresh coffee reminded him of Leblanc. As soon as he recognized that smell back at the dorm, he felt the need to be there, to be sitting in that seat, to see Akira.
...Really, the picture wasn't complete without Akira in it.
Had it just been the Boss, Yusuke wondered if he would've felt the same. He needed Akira for his insight, but maybe it was something else.
He took a sip of Akira's coffee.
“This is...” He looked down into surface of the cup as if expecting it to reveal its secrets to him. It reminded him greatly of the Boss's coffee, but there was something different about it. It was made from the same beans, prepared using the same method, yet it touched him in a different way. “This is excellent. You really gave it your own flair.”
“Really?” Akira's brows lifted over his frames. “I didn't do anything different, though.”
“I don't think it's in the taste. If I close my eyes, it might all be the same.”
Why did so many things seem so hard to explain?
“Ah.” It sounded like Akira had figured something out. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the shelf. “Sojiro told me something... He said that getting to know the customers is just as important as learning how to prepare the coffee. Up until now, I've always been making it the way he showed me, but he said that he'd be looking forward to the day when he could try my coffee. So... Is that what he meant? Was that his way of saying that he was looking forward to getting to know me...?”
It had nothing to do with the coffee.
But it was still so abstract, Yusuke couldn't say what it was. No matter how he looked at it, the picture didn't become clearer for him.
If anyone else tried Akira's coffee, would it have made them feel the same?
And why did the thought of that bother him so badly?
“Blue Mountain... I don't know if it's really my favorite,” Yusuke said, setting down his cup, eyes lowered. “There are a lot of canisters on that wall behind you. There might be one there I'd like more.”
He didn't know why he'd say that. It was like he was trying to prove some kind of point to himself. It only came out sounding ungrateful.
“Maybe... But I think it suits you. It's a mild coffee. Its flavor is distinct yet uncomplicated.”
Uncomplicated...?
That was a joke.
He went to Leblanc because he thought that something there would solve his problem. It seemed to work at first, but it was only making it worse instead; exposing it, tearing it open. Sitting there with the cup loosely cradled between his fingers, Yusuke felt like he was sitting at the center of the world. He felt painfully aware of Akira's gaze upon him.
It frightened him a little to think that Akira might be right – that he was able to see him and understand him in a way that he was incapable of.
If Akira called him uncomplicated, then what did that say about his feelings? They didn't feel that way – not to him, at least.
“Ah~” Akira pushed himself forward and slumped against the counter. He looked toward the windows with his brows pulled together. “It sure looks like August out there, doesn't it? The rain's getting really intense.”
Yusuke raised the cup hesitantly, pausing halfway before he was able to bring it back to his lips for another taste. As he expected, it still affected him the same way, making his heartbeat quicken its pace. “I'm sorry... This is my fault. For some reason, the rain seems to follow me. Every time I've been here, even when we went out to see the fireworks...”
“What are you apologizing to me for? I don't have anywhere to be. I was concerned about you. If it doesn't let up soon, you're going to have to walk back in a storm. It's been like this for a while, though...” Akira leaned forward onto the counter with his cheek in his palm. His face felt so close, Yusuke had to move back a little. “So what made you come here in the first place?”
“I already said, didn't I?” He didn't want to say it again.
“It couldn't wait? You really needed me?”
Yusuke opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He felt the need to refute what Akira said, but he wasn't sure why. Akira wasn't wrong, but the wording felt... too honest. Hearing it put that way made him suddenly feel panicked, like he was afraid of letting Akira approach the truth. That dangerous 'something' that he'd earlier turned his eyes away from was quickly creeping closer.
Akira tapped a finger on the counter top and looked away with a thoughtful expression. “This is the first time you've come here just to see me.”
“That's not-...”
A second before the words could leave his mouth, Yusuke realized their truth.
Those other times, he came up with an excuse first. He always felt like he needed another reason to be there, to make it seem like he had an interest in being at Leblanc for more than just Akira's attention.
The truth was, he went there for him. He always went there just for him.
It was always that way. Excuses were excuses. They served their purpose, but he must have gotten caught up in them and fooled himself as well.
“Does it bother you?” Yusuke asked, his fingers tightening around his cup, heart wavering with the fear of rejection.
“Not at all. I told you that you could rely on me. I'd be happy to help you with your problem.”
“Thank you, but... I think it's going to take time. It feels different this time.”
Akira nodded and hummed. “I understand. I guess it can't be helped... We should go out.”
Yusuke glanced at the windows at the front, confused. Night had fallen since he arrived and the rain was pouring heavily. “Where?” he asked, squinting at Akira. “It's still raining, you know. I don't think a night stroll would be the wisest idea right now.”
“Go out with me.”
“Like I said-”
“Let's be together?”
“Huh? We're already together.”
“Date me.”
Before Yusuke could say anything, he stopped. That time, he really heard him. There was no way to mistake his meaning.
“Aki-... ra?”
Akira had both hands on the counter, fingers gripping the edge as if to brace himself. “You finally get what I'm saying, right? I was afraid I was going to have to come up with a new way of saying it. That was hard enough, so please don't make me say it again.” His whole demeanor seemed different from before; more tense, nervous. It felt familiar, reminding Yusuke of his own feelings – the ones that left him feeling so anxious. “H-... Hurry up and say something, will you? I hope I'm not misunderstanding.”
“Misunderstanding...?”
Akira glanced up at him nervously, remaining anchored to the counter. “I mean... Why else would you suddenly show up like this? I know you're kind of an odd guy and it's hard to figure you out sometimes, but your actions seemed pretty clear to me. Uh... Regardless, what I'm saying is, I like you, and I get the feeling that you like me too, so we should go out.”
It was all quite a lot to swallow. The thought of such had never presented itself, so Yusuke needed a moment, but the moment didn't allow for him to take his time. It felt like he needed to figure it out quickly, as if something was going to slip away from him if he didn't formulate a response. He'd never thought about Akira that way, he thought. That was certainly what he thought.
But there was a chance he was mistaken. His thoughts were a jumble, so it was impossible for him to be overthinking it. Something was definitely off.
“I don't really know what to say,” Yusuke muttered, his eyes blankly searching the top of the counter. No answers appeared before him. There was just a pounding in his head coming from somewhere deeper inside.
He heard a slight amusement in the breath Akira released; half a laugh. “Were you expecting a prince on a white horse?” he asked jokingly.
“I'm not sure what I was expecting. Rather, I... don't think I had any expectations. It honestly never occurred to me that I might have feelings for you.”
The image of a prince on a white horse was just a pretty delusion created by someone. He knew that, but a part of him must have believed in it like all the other people who kept that image alive. It wasn't like that was what he'd been looking for or expecting, though. All of his nights spent alone in front of a canvas left him little room to think about anything but making art. An unconscious part of him must have simply believed in love as another elusive subject that could only be captured by his brush.
He didn't expect love to have a smell, a voice, a face, a name.
“You said yourself that it might take some time, so don't worry,” Akira said. “I expected your reaction to be unconventional, so I'm not surprised. If your feelings are what I think, then they'll become clearer with time. Asking you out was the first step.”
“Akira... You aren't just doing this for me, are you?” Yusuke asked. “Do you really love me?”
Bit by bit, he was getting closer to that dangerous thing. It was just a part of him, though. At that moment, instead of continuing to allow himself to be intimidated by it, he recalled the strength within himself and found the resolve to move forward on his own. If that feeling were the truth of his feelings, then he wanted to be sure of Akira's feelings first.
No matter how strong his resolve, if he misstepped at the wrong time, he was afraid of suffering a critical blow.
Upon his question, Akira jumped visibly and backed away from the counter. “L-Love is a strong word, Yusuke. You might already be going too fast. S-Slow it down a bit.”
Yusuke's heart fell. “So then...”
“I like you.” Taking a breath, letting it out slowly, Akira came forward again and stood with his back straight, his appearance resolute. Seeing him preparing himself that way made Yusuke suddenly feel silly for being unsure about how serious he was. “Not all love is head over heels, love at first sight. In fact, I'm not sure 'love at first sight' even exists. I think I would've been worried if that were how I felt about you, honestly. If I decided that I was in love with you over something superficial like your looks, I would've probably been making a mistake. You deserve more thought than that.” His eyes looked so determined. “What I mean is – this wasn't something spontaneous for me.”
However, when he saw how serious Akira was, Yusuke felt worried that he might end up disappointing him if he didn't share his feelings. Thinking about it that way, though, he had to wonder why he cared so much about Akira's expectations to begin with. He didn't have that type of worry with anyone else...
Yusuke shook his head wearily. “I don't know what I feel. I was alone in my room when I suddenly began to experience an upsetting feeling. Lately, I've felt that way a lot. I thought I only felt comfortable here at Leblanc, but right now, I'm not sure. Is this what love is like? If it is, it's not what I imagined at all. I...”
What did he imagine it to be?
Something soft? Something warm?
It didn't seem right, trying to describe a feeling with such physical terms. He didn't know what love was, but he felt offended on its behalf, like he needed to defend it from descriptions that did it injustice.
...Maybe it hadn't been a coincidence that his painting won.
He knew hope. It was a bright thing – glistening, dazzling – but he hadn't been able to see it at first. He'd struggled strongly against the ones he eventually called his friends, having blinded himself, stubbornly remaining in the torment of despair until he finally glimpsed that light.
He hadn't been able to do it alone. Someone had to grasp his hand and pull him out of the dark. But that wasn't all. Being out on the surface wasn't enough. He had to open his eyes for himself to see it.
“New things are scary,” Akira said. “Having feelings for someone is frustrating. The longer you go without talking about your feelings, the more doubt fills your head. I may seem pretty calm, but I'm just good at hiding my stress. Right now, I kind of want to run up to my room and hide my face in my pillow.”
“You too?” Yusuke was surprised. It was unusual to see Akira dropping his guard. He was always so cool... Yusuke knew that the Joker persona was just a part of him, but it felt strangely intimate to be explicitly allowed a look beneath the mask.
His heart throbbed.
Akira smiled a soft, somewhat hesitant smile. “If you know what I mean, then is there any way we're not talking about the same thing?”
It was getting harder to deny the possibility. It was as if, from the beginning, he hadn't been fully committed to denying it. He felt afraid of what he might be getting close to, understanding the vulnerable position he needed to put himself in to even admit what it was, yet, despite that, he suddenly felt more afraid of letting it go.
He didn't want to let it escape.
Someone's love... Someone's genuine affection for him.
If he acknowledged his own feelings, then that meant admitting how important Akira was. Yusuke knew him well enough to know that Akira would never deceive him or play with his feelings, but he'd been betrayed before. The pain of being abandoned by someone he trusted still had yet to disappear and there was a chance it never would. After all, in his heart, Madarame was still 'sensei'.
“You like me, too...?” Heart pounding painfully, Yusuke couldn't look up.
He wanted to trust him.
“I already told you, but I don't mind saying it again. I'll keep saying it, if you want.” Akira cleared his throat. “I like the time we spend together. I like your art and I like your insights and I like all of your eccentricities. I like you. I like you, Yusuke.”
As he thought.
The painful feeling wasn't love itself. That was just its other side – the part of him that was afraid of being cast aside, the part that was trying to protect him from being hurt again. It was still there, even at that moment, but he could no longer deny the way his heart responded upon hearing Akira's words. Ignoring it would have been just as painful as the fear of losing Akira's affection.
He didn't know what to do. It was hopeless.
A couple tears escaped with his first shaky breath.
He was in love.
From somewhere beside him, Yusuke heard a soft grumbling, but he was too busy trying to compose himself to pay it mind. After Akira bravely told him his feelings, it didn't feel right for him to be sitting there crying into his coffee. Yusuke wanted to show him a more dignified face. Until he could speak steadily, he just hoped that his tears were able to convey the things he wanted to say.
That soft grumbling sound turned into a yawn. Then that yawn turned into something of a shriek.
What a choice moment for Morgana to wake up.
“Whoa, what's going on?” he asked as he hopped from the chair to the counter. He whipped his head toward Akira and scrutinized him with an accusing stare, his back raised, fur standing on end. “When did Yusuke get here? Why is he crying? What did you do?!”
“I asked him out,” Akira replied straightforwardly.
“What!”
Morgana's incredulity wasn't surprising. Yusuke was also having trouble believing it.
Waving a hand to tell Morgana to calm down, Akira momentarily wandered away and returned with another cup. He casually poured himself some of the coffee he brewed for Yusuke, then finished it up by adding the remainder to Yusuke's half-finished cup. “It's fine,” he said after a calm sip. “I think he's just a little overwhelmed.”
“A little? But he looks terrible.”
“Morgana, don't be rude.”
“He's right,” Yusuke said, drying his eyes with his sleeve. “I apologize for my unsightly face.”
Akira took another sip, then slowly lowered his cup. His stare was so strong, Yusuke found it hard to meet his eyes. After a moment, Akira nodded to himself as if he'd come to a conclusion. “Don't take this the wrong way, but you even look good when you cry. It's kind of annoying how attractive you are.”
Yusuke had never felt so complimented by a compliment to his appearance. His impression of Akira's expression totally changed once he realized he was... jealous, of all things. He should've known that Akira wouldn't judge him for getting emotional. He didn't know why he still felt the need to act so reserved around him. Akira wasn't like anyone else.
As much as it scared him to think about Akira discarding him, Yusuke was rapidly coming to think that he'd been worrying over nothing.
Truly, Akira was different.
Though the corners of his eyes stung, that irritating stinging in Yusuke's heart had begun to lessen already. “Still, I feel I must apologize, Akira. It seems as though you're always a step ahead of me. I'm... glad to have you with me again, even in this matter. I couldn't imagine exploring the deepest depths of the heart with anyone else. It feels like a job meant only for you.”
Picking up his cup, Akira rounded the counter. Yusuke watched, heart pounding, as he came closer and sat down on the stool next to him. When he was that close, Yusuke was finally able to see the stress he'd been hiding. His body was stiff, but Yusuke could see the tension leaving him with each second, a little at a time.
Looking down into his own cup, Akira smiled. “Everyone experiences feelings in their own way. It's okay to take your time.”
“You're so wise.”
“Hm... I just happen to know a lot of people who confide in me with their problems,” Akira said, laughing. “But thank you.”
It must have been divine intervention. Maybe fate. Whatever it was, something had brought them together. A strong wind named Kurusu Akira blew through Yusuke's life and carried him away from the situation he'd feared inescapable, then gently lowered him down in a safe place. After thanking him once, Yusuke wouldn't have anticipated how many more times he'd thank him since. Every day, it seemed as though Akira gave him something new to be grateful for.
Akira was so compassionate and patient. He said that it was because he listened to his friends' problems, but Yusuke thought it was more like an inherent talent of his; Akira's true nature. A smile that sincere wasn't learned – it came from inside of him.
For as long as Yusuke had known him, that smile had been there. Perhaps it was the thing that first made him fall in love with Akira.
That smile touched the coffee cup.
For that second, it was difficult to breathe.
Smile widening into a familiarly mischievous smirk, Akira flicked his eyes up, peering at him over the top of his glasses. “Do you want to go upstairs and kiss?” he asked. However, he must have realized that his question was too forward for Yusuke to handle when he saw the way it made him flounder. Downing the rest of his coffee, Akira set down the cup and got off the stool. “It's about time for me to close the shop. If you want, you can stay here and just watch some TV with me until the rain lets up. Everything's the same as it was before, except now you can kiss me when you feel like it. It's chill.”
“You'd let me?”
“I'm the one who made the offer. So, yes. I'd be more than happy to 'let you' kiss me.”
“I'd like some time to think about it first. I think I've suffered enough excitement for one night. I'll need to mentally prepare myself for my first kiss,” Yusuke said.
Akira remained where he was, frozen. “Y-you've never been kissed before?”
Hopping down onto Akira's abandoned stool, Morgana interjected. “Why are you surprised? Consider who's talking. This is Yusuke, you know. That Yusuke. He may look like a pretty boy, but anyone who talks to him for more than a second would realize that he's a bona fide deviant. Speaking of which, I can't believe you seriously asked him out. Are you feeling alright?”
“I appreciate it if you're trying to test my confidence, but I'm serious,” Akira said, arms crossed adamantly.
“No, Morgana's right again,” Yusuke said somewhat sadly. “I think he's just being realistic. It's unusual for anyone to have such an invested interest in me. I hope you won't feel differently about your decision come tomorrow...”
“Yusuke...” Akira lowered his arms to his sides and looked at him. The disappointment written on his face spoke of his sincerity. After succumbing to a moment of doubt, it was hard for Yusuke to look at that sad face, feeling guilty. “Please have confidence in me,” Akira said, balling his hands into loose fists.
It wasn't Akira's problem.
When the truth was in front of him as clear as day, Yusuke was able to see that he was still trying to fool himself.
It was just hard to believe that he didn't need to fool himself anymore – that there was someone who honestly cared about him. And Akira didn't expect anything from him in return. His kindness was absolutely free. Yusuke had never known that such a thing could exist.
He thought he saw it in the Sayuri, but the kindness it emitted was like a letter from the past; a vestige of something long extinct. He admired it from afar like something unreachable. For the longest time, that painting had been his treasure. When all of the other pupils had gone and he was the only one who remained in that lonesome shack, when the threat of despair would begin to descend upon him, he would try to recall the Sayuri's mysterious, gentle smile.
It gave him comfort, but it didn't bring him hope. Love existed on the other side of that canvas in a place where he could not cross over.
It took him a long time to realize why he'd been able to give the painting away.
He didn't need a window into the world of love any longer.
All he'd needed was for someone to show him that the love his mother promised in her painting was still alive on the outside.
“I'll try harder to believe in myself,” Yusuke said. He rubbed his eyes and took in a breath to calm his emotions.
Appearing satisfied with that, Akira closed his eyes with an affectionate smile. Yusuke took a mental snapshot of that look, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to recreate it perfectly. He would just have to keep making Akira smile like that until he could bring him in front of the canvas.
With the things between them feeling settled, Akira finally broke away from his side for a moment to close the shop. When he opened the door to turn over the sign on the other side, he put a hand outside and made a sound of surprise. After flipping the sign, he closed the door and turned back toward Yusuke. “The rain totally stopped. I guess this means you can go now.”
Yusuke was in the mood to be stubborn, though. “Would it be alright if I stayed here for a little longer?” he asked, wringing his hands, feeling tentatively hopeful. A part of him wanted the rain to continue so he'd have an excuse to remain there all night. He had a curfew to abide by, but he was sure that the school would be willing to overlook a minor incident for a model student with a perfect record.
Morgana looked at him with a suspicious stare. “Don't you have a scholarship you should be worried about maintaining?”
“Morgana, can you read minds?” Yusuke asked.
He made a face at him. ...Well, as much of a face as a cat was capable of making. He was surprisingly emotive. For a cat. “Huh? If you're aware of the issues it would pose for you to stay here, then you ought to act responsibly. Akira's doing his best to keep himself from getting kicked out of Shujin, too, you know.”
Akira's shoulders sagged; a one-hit K.O. “Everyone knows that already... You didn't need to bring that up...”
Yusuke rose and gave Akira a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.
“You're doing well, Akira.”
Akira swatted his hand away. “Ngh...! Don't play along with him!”
Oh.
He was blushing.
Yusuke had never seen him blush before.
Turning his face away, the redness still visible on his cheeks, Akira huffed and walked past him, heading toward the stairs while undoing his apron. “I'm going up. You're welcome to stay for a while as long as it won't get you in trouble.”
Even if he chose to head back to the dorm straight away instead, Yusuke got the feeling that the terrible lonesomeness from earlier wouldn't reappear. Having realized his feelings, things had surely changed.
He'd found his happiness.
“Yes...” He raised his head, the indescribable yet unmistakable feeling of love nestled in his heart. “Just a little longer.”