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The door of the warehouse closes and the lock clinks on. Shutting the night out.
Jason flinches.
Not because the sound was overly loud, but at the thought of what was coming.
He'd fucked up. Again.
Roy had spoken with him at length before they had gone out. Told him that if things got too much to excuse himself for a cigarette. Jason had nodded and promised that he wouldn't cause a scene.
Jason had never been very good at keeping promises.
Lifting his head, Jason watched Roy tug off his tie and discard his dinner jacket on the couch.
Roy was absolutely fuming, shoulders tense with disgust aimed at him.
Jason hadn't meant to lose his cool.
He'd meant to keep his promise.
For the entire meal at the restaurant, Jason had largely ignored Oliver, only ever using his dictionary of 'polite' answers to converse with the man. Largely, 'yes' , 'no', 'please' and 'thank you'.
He'd added a few more words to his repertoire when Bruce spoke with him, mainly sticking to Alfred's rule of 'if you have nothing nice to say, keep to topics of conversation to the weather or the state of the roads.' There were a lot of roads in America.
Jason had actually started to enjoy himself by the time his main course arrived. He'd even managed to choke down the outrageous price and accept Bruce's insistence that it was his treat. Instead, he sat in between Roy and Dick and directed his conversation towards them and occasionally Dinah, who smiled at him warmly from across the table. Dinah even laughed at one of his atrocious jokes and smiled at him as if she was genuinely enjoying his company. Even Duke had plucked up the courage to drum up a conversation about baseball with him. The evening passed smoothly and Jason had actually managed to find a small, content smile to replace the tight, forced one he'd arrived with. For once, he felt wanted, that he was normal, just like everyone else. But then, dessert came. That was when everything had crashed and burned and Jason had been the one holding the matches.
The first clue was Roy ducking his head down and staring at his fancy chocolate cake as if he'd never seen one before. Dick pursed his lips and shot his friend a sympathetic glance when Bruce had asked if he agreed with what was being said. And that? Oh that was when Jason stopped blocking out Bruce and Oliver and discovered what their topic of conversation was.
'It's so good to see both boys around a table. Never thought I'd see the day!' Oliver grinned, leaning over to wink in Jason and Roy's direction. Jason followed Roy's lead and ducked his head down to study his ice cream. 'Nothing a good sorting out couldn't fix. In our day Bruce, rebellion was just talking back to your elders instead of all this silliness.'
'Indeed. I remember Alfred getting quite frustrated over that.' Bruce chuckled, clearly not picking up on Oliver's derogatory tone.
'Let me by you a beer, Jay.' Oliver offered, but it sounded more like a demand. Jason's nose almost met his ice cream.
'No. Thank you.' He mumbled, glancing up at his glass of orange juice.
'Aw come off it Jay. Don't let my boy dictate what you can and can't do. I know he can be selfish, half the reason he got into his mess. I'm going to buy you a man's drink.' Oliver carried on, his cheeks rosy from having too much himself, he looked over at Bruce. 'What does your boy drink Bruce?'
'Bitter, usually.'
'I said, no thank you.' Jason only just managed to get out without that much venom in it. His fist clenched beneath the table and he felt Dick slip his hand down to try and loosen it. He didn't succeed.
'Look at your brother, Jay. He doesn't let Roy's dramatics rule him. Excuse me? Waiter? A pint of bitter please.'
'Dick makes his own choices. I don't want a beer. It's my choice. Roy isn't selfish, he's kind. I support him, we're a team.' Jason amazed himself at putting his point across politely. He looked over at Roy and offered him a reassuring smile. Roy lifted his eyes to meet his before glancing away to study his cake again.
'Come off it, Jay. You know addicts better than anyone else on this table. No one forced Roy to do what he did, he could have stopped at anytime. He chose to drink, to inject that muck into himself. There's support, and then there's pandering. I thought you would know better after your mother-'
There was crash and the entire restaurant turned to gape at the young man standing, leaning heavily against the table with heaving breaths. A bowl of ice cream upended and splattered across the tablecloth.
'Don't you dare talk about my mamà with your filthy mouth.' Jason warned, his voice soft and dangerously low, as he tried to control his anger. Oliver was having none of it, shaking his head he folded his arms.
'Don't create a scene Jay, we were having a nice evening.'
'Jason. My name is Jason. Only people I like can call me Jay.' Jason spat, lifting tearful eyes to meet the man with a snarl. 'You have no right to talk about Roy like that. You're not fit to lick his bow!'
'Jason sit down!' Bruce hissed, but his son either ignored him or didn't hear. Straightening up, Jason flunk his arms out to the side and lifted his head to scan the room.
'Ladies and gentleman, may I present the esteemed Oliver Queen, father extraordinaire. Apparently locking up a teenager and making him go cold turkey is such an heroic thing to do!'
'Little Wing!' Dick gasped, reaching up to tug on Jason's arm to get him to sit down. Glaring at Oliver, Jason roared and swiped an arm across the table in anger, sending the contents flying.
'Even a ten year old boy knew that going cold turkey could kill someone. But you? You didn't care so long as your precious reputation wasn't tarnished. Oliver Queen's adopted son being admitted to rehab? Oh no, we can't have that bad press can we? Better to risk his life and leave him riving in fucking agony! Roy is strong, stronger than strong. He's beaten addiction, twice, all on his own. He's kind and intelligent and by some Grace of God still has faith in you and the rest of humanity. He still sees the good in people. Roy is better than all of us put together!'
Taking a much needed breath, Jason glanced down at Dick tugging on his arm and motioned towards him.
'Dick has supported Roy more than you ever have. He did what you and Bruce couldn't. He hauled Roy through rehab, he took me to hospital when I needed help. You two? You just sit there all holier than thou and think a fancy dinner will patch over the almighty fuck up!'
'Jason, alright. Alright, come on let go have a smoke.' Dinah intervened, rounding the table to rest a grounding hand on the boy's trembling shoulder.
'No!' Jason roared, moving to throw the woman off until a hand caught hold of his fist and pinned his arm behind his back.
'Shh, Jaybird. I'm here okay? Look at me, I'm alright. I'm not hurt, see?' Roy crooned into his ear. Swallowing thickly, Jason shook his head and looked up at Roy's warm, green eyes and the soft smile he wore. 'I'm okay Jaybird. Let's go smoke yeah? I know you don't want to hit Dinah, you like Dinah, she's awesome.'
Nodding, Jason huffed a few deep breath into oxygen starved lungs and glanced at Dinah who had not moved an inch.
'I'm sorry.'
'Hush. It's okay Jason.'
'I want to go home.' Jason mumbled, relaxing into Roy's firm hold.
So that was how Jason ruined the family dinner. He didn't overly care that Oliver hated him. Jason did care however, that Bruce had barely looked in his direction when he grumbled that maybe it was best Roy took him home. Jason did care that Duke looked practically terrified of him and the rest of his siblings followed Bruce's lead and just mumbled their farewells without looking at him. Jason Todd had done it again and acted like a lunatic, embarrassing everyone he loved and making them hate him. What hurt the most was when Dick had helped Roy get him to the car, he just pursed his lips and looked over at Roy.
'Drive safe y'hear? I'm sorry.'
Dick gave Jason a nod and he looked so angry Jason blushed and looked away. Dickie had always been there, no matter what he did, but apparently tonight had broken the proverbial camel's back.
'Jay?'
Startled from his thoughts, Jason blinked over at Roy dumbly. Noticing that the man was stood closer to him with blood shot eyes, but he could recognise the expression on his face. He literally had no idea how pissed off Roy was with him. It had been that way for the entire car ride home.
Roy sighed and shook his head before reaching out his hand with a small smile.
'Come on. Let's go to bed.'
Jason swallowed and looked down at Roy's hand as fear coiled in his gut.
'What about my punishment?' His words came out scratchy and empty, Jason knew he had acted out but that didn't make admitting it any easier.
'Punishment? Jay, I'm not going to punish you. You're safe. Come on, let's go to bed.' Roy replied softly, taking the initiative he took hold of Jason's hand and pressed a kiss to his temple. 'Come to bed with me Jaybird.'
Jason didn't protest when he was tugged down the hall towards their bedroom. Roy didn't mean sex. Roy never used those words to mean sex. He meant taking Jason to bed. To pick out the sweatpants and t-shirt he knew Jason liked. He meant cuddling up with him, wrapping strong arms around him as they watched something dumb on Netflix. He meant whispered words of love and caring in the hushed darkness. Roy meant creating a secret haven for Jason, a safe space.
Jason breath caught in his throat as they approached the door and he pulled back.
'Good night.' He mumbled, not sure what else to say, before half jogging back down the hall. He ignored Roy calling after him as he reached his room. Well, it was more a spare room for guests but Jason sometimes holed himself up in it.
Slamming the door shut, Jason sank down the hard wood and listened to the foot steps approaching. There was a soft knock.
'Jay? Jaybird?'
Jason didn't answer. Roy tried a couple more times to engage him in conversation but eventually gave up and went to bed alone.
Roy didn't try to open the door, or pick the lock.
A sharp, heavy sob erupted from Jason's lips and tears rolled down his cheeks.
He wanted Roy to bang down the door. He didn't deserve respect and kindness.
He needed to be punished.
He needed to be shunned and despised.
Like the rest of his family had.
He needed to be punished not rewarded for his behaviour.
Roy didn't know which way was up. The meal had gone well until Ollie let his taste for red wine get the better of him. He'd sat and just let the words that cut so deep wash over him. Dick had offered his silent support. It was just another day at the office. Until Jason spoke up. He'd started a polite defence that left Roy shocked and confused. No one had ever stuck up for him like that before. Then Ollie had brought up Catherine and the world exploded. Roy thought it was the mention of Jason's mother, but Jason still carried on defending him.
Jason had called him words he'd never heard someone use to describe him before. Words such as strong, kind, intelligent. He'd gone into autopilot and just got Jason out before he got more upset and did something he'd regret. He remembered Dick hugging him tightly and whispering that everything Jason had said had been true. He remembered Bruce smiling and giving a little wave before hauling Oliver to his feet and shoving him towards his own car.
'You're apologising to both Roy and Jason tomorrow!'
During the drive home, all Roy could think about was those words.
Strong.Kind. Intelligent.
They drowned out all the hurtful words Ollie had said to him. All the way home, all Roy could think about was getting into bed with Jason. Wrapping him up safe and warm in his comforter and listening to him say those words again. With less venom, with a voice that was soft and deep, like a country singer wooing his sweetheart. He needed to hear those words again. To prove to himself that what Jason had said was what his partner truly believed.
All hopes of that crashed and burned when he had suggested going to bed. Roy had been so wrapped up in those alien words he hadn't quite registered how distressed Jason was until,
'What about my punishment?'
Reality hit Roy in the face like a wet fish. He saw the pain and shame in Jason's eyes but had hoped to get him into bed anyway. In their safe space, he'd be able to convince him that everything was okay, he knew he could. Jason wasn't having it though. He thought he needed to be punished and that made Roy feel physically ill. Sure, he'd dabbled in that sort of relationship before now but he'd never, ever dream of having that sort of dynamic with Jason. Roy had his suspicions that only he would see it as a fantasy world. Jason had been twisted and pulled every which way by people who had never had his best interests at heart. Some of those words and ideas were rooted deep inside him and the idea of feeding those ideals made him dry heave. No, Roy would never, ever dream of exploring that side of Jason. So why was his partner convinced that he was going to punish him?
Jason had fled to the guest room he had sort of commandeered as his own. No matter how many times he knocked or how he changed his approach to try and coax Jason around, the door did not open. Fear coiled in his gut. He didn't trust Jason when he got like this.
So Roy retreated back up the hall to their bedroom and called Dick for advice. As soon as he had mentioned the words 'punishment' and 'locked door', Dick had said that he would be there in ten minutes and hung up. Lying back against the pillows, Roy curled Jason's comforter up in his arms and cried silently to himself. How had everything become such a mess?
The rush of cold air erupted from the bedroom window and Roy lifted his head, expecting to see Nightwing but instead, Dick Grayson was stood before him. He'd changed out of the monkey suit and was now wearing a navy blue hoodie and jeans. Roy smiled slightly when he realised what his friend was doing. He'd dressed as Jason's Dickie, adopting the look he'd had when him and Jason were kids, except the awful mullet.
'Where is he?'
Nodding silently in reply, Roy got up and lead him to Jason's locked bedroom door. Knocking on it lightly he shot Dick a wary glance.
'Jaybird? Jaybird, Dick wants to talk to you. Can you open the door for me?'
There was no reply and Dick swallowed before looking over at Roy in concern.
'Is he safe in there?'
Shrugging, Roy shook his head and ran a very weary hand down his face.
'Usually. I don't know- tonight he's - not right. He's was talking about needing to be punished and, well, he keeps weapons in there?'
'Shit.'
'Yeah.' Shaking his head Roy looked on the verge of tears. 'If something happens to him because of me? I'll never forgive myself.'
'Oy!' Spinning around, Dick planted his hands firmly on his shoulders and caught his friend's eye. 'Oy, no, no stop and rewind Roy. This is not your fault, none of it. If we're playing the blame game, then it's Ollie who riled him up. Not. You.' Pausing, Dick moved away and looked at the locked door thoughtfully. 'Jay says he needs to be punished. What for?'
'His behaviour? I think? Kicking off in the restaurant like that.' Roy mumbled, frowning in confusion when Dick stormed back down the hall, pulling his phone out as he went. 'Hold the fort. I gotta make a call.'
What phone call could be more important than his little brother being in crisis?
Time crept on and Roy started to wonder if Dick had just abandoned them when the man reappeared, his phone glued to his ear.
'Yeah, yeah just hold on.'
Lowering the phone, Dick offered his thoroughly confused friend a wink before banging on Jason's door. 'Little Wing? Little Wing! You've got to open the door. Alfred is on the phone. I'm sorry I tried to tell him, but he won't listen, and says he'll come here himself if he has to!'
Roy's frown increased. Alfred had done no such thing. Dick must have called him. Whatever it was that the crafty little shit was up to, it worked. The lock on the door clicked open.
Dick gave Roy another wink before creaking the door slowly open.
The room was draped in a haunting darkness. Lifting his gaze, Roy spotted the shadowy Jason shaped figure sat on the bed and that's when he saw the glint of the knife in his hands. His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach as he padded behind Dick over to the bed. On closer inspection, Roy realised that Jason had rolled up his shirt sleeves and was trailing the blade along his forearm with a very worrying blank stare.
'Little Wing? What are you doing with the knife?' Dick asked with a calmness that Roy envied. He may have been largely absent when they were kids, Jason had said it himself, Dick had been the one who cared enough to hospitalise him when he needed it.
Jason lifted bloodshot eyes to meet his brother's before glancing at the phone warily.
'Don't tell Alfred.'
Raising an eyebrow, Roy sometimes wondered if Jason actually forgot how phones worked? Alfred was currently hearing every single word. Dick smirked, it was the same smirk he gave whenever his siblings did something bad and asked big brother to cover for them.
'Alright. I won't tell Alfred, if, you give me the knife and take the phone.'
Jason frowned and looked down at the knife in his hand, before shakily holding out the weapon to his brother. Replacing it with his phone, Dick quickly took hold of the knife and passed it to Roy, out of harms way. It was only in that brief exchange, when Roy saw the relief in blue eyes did he realise that Dick's calmness was a mere charade.
'I'm sorry Alfie. Yeah, yeah I know you brought me up better than that. Yeah.'
Raising an eyebrow at the one sided conversation, Roy was horrified to find that Alfred was telling him off instead of convincing Jason that he wasn't in trouble. He moved to take the phone off him and ask Alfred what the hell he was playing at, but a hand rested on his shoulder.
'Just watch.' A voice whispered into his ear and Roy looked up at Dick questioningly.
'What! Three weeks! But Damian punched the reporter and only got one? Urgh, this is so unfair Alfred!' Scowling like a teenager who'd been put in his place, Jason grumbled incoherently and closed his eyes. 'Yeah, I understand. Yeah, Dick's still here. Oh, you wanna talk to him?'
Handing the phone back over to Dick, Jason crossed his arms and sulked.
'Yup. Yeah, okay, I'll make sure he surrenders them all when I leave. Thanks Alf.' Hanging up, Dick gave his brother a very serious expression and shook his head.
'Three week cookie ban huh? That's rough dude.'
Nodding, Jason sniffed and looked up at him sadly.
'Yeah. And I gotta keep the door open or it's another two weeks. It's not fair. Damian only got one week and he broke the reporters nose! I broke no ones nose. It's not fair.'
Dick sighed and pocketed his phone before shrugging a sympathetic shoulder.
'Sorry man, but Alfred said I gotta clean you out.'
'Yeah.'
'If you promise not to tell Alfred, I'll let you keep a packet? How does that sound?'
A small smile tugged at Jason lips and he looked up at Dick warily.
'You'd do that? For me?'
''Course I would you moron! It's what big brothers are for?' Dick replied with a huge grin before nodding his head towards the door. 'I'm gonna go with Roy and start confiscating your cookies. You gonna come out once you've calmed down?'
Sniffing again, Jason wiped at his eyes and shrugged.
'Maybe? Thank you.'
'Tt, like I said Little Wing, it's what big brothers are for? Come on Roy, show me where the cookies are kept.'
Roy grumbled to himself as he followed Dick out of the bedroom towards the kitchen and opened Jason's cookie cupboard.
'I can't believe your punishing Jason. He did nothing wrong, Dick!' Roy hissed, watching his friend purse his lips before beginning to pack the rather large collection of cookies into a carrier bag.
'I know that, you know that, hell even Bruce knows that.'
'Then why-'
'But Jason doesn't know that. Well he does, but he can't accept that. He kicked off, when he kicks off there's consequences. That's what Jason thinks. It doesn't matter what you or I think.' Sighing, Dick put the last of the packets into the carrier bag, leaving one packet as promised. Roy had to admit it was a rather large multipack that would easily last Jason the full three weeks. 'Jason's very black and white in how he thinks, you know that. If he thinks he needs to be punished then until he gets that punishment there's no reasoning with him. Sometimes, it's best to just give Jason what he wants.'
Frowning, Roy nodded thoughtfully. That was Jason's thought processes in a nutshell and Dick had managed to get around it in a very clever, very creative way.
'Did the nurses teach you that?'
Out of all the reactions, Dick bursting out laughing would have been the last on Roy's list.
'Pffft, no. I was the one who told them about the cookie ban.'
This earned Dick a raised eyebrow, and he fell about in fits of giggles again.
'Ha! You've forgotten! Was there ever a cookie ban before Jason came along?'
Cocking his head slightly, Roy thought back to when it had just been Dick. He remembered the numerous escapades they had both gotten up to, but not once had Dick ever had a cookie ban.
'Jason has always been like this. Alfred came up with the cookie ban to pacify Jason when he got like this. It's just- well, he's gotten worse since he came back. Now it's the littlest thing.' Dick explained, gazing down at the bag of cookies, he wiped away a stray tear. Nodding, Roy leant his head against Dick's shoulder. Of course, that made so much sense, he could see Alfred coming up with a cookie ban as a harmless way of 'punishing' Jason and that he would implement it on the entire household to keep face. The thought brought tears of his own to his eyes and he buried his face into the crook of Dick's neck.
'Dick? When I first got with Jay? He- he didn't eat cookies for a year? Why did-'
'He absconded from Arkham.' Dick replied with a slight chuckle. 'It was only down to big brother that Alfred was talked out of the lifetime ban. It's serious business absconding from hospital don't y'know?'
This got a small laugh out of Roy, who lifted his head to stick his tongue out at his friend's very serious expression.
'Hmm, I still say that's an awful way to win big brother privileges!'
'Heh, Jason settles down and I get to win some rare big brother brownie points, everyone wins! Even if I never will forgive Little Wing for bringing about the cookie ban.'
Collecting the bag of cookies, Dick looked back towards Jason's bedroom solemnly.
'I doubt Jay will come out anytime soon. Say goodbye for me and, and tell him, tell him I thought he was very brave tonight.' Glancing over at Roy, Dick shook his head and made for the kitchen window and opened it. 'He did something I never could do. Something I should have done a long time ago. He stood up for a dear friend.'
Roy could only nod dumbly, watching his friend disappear into the night with tears running down his cheeks. What had started out as a possibly stressful meal had turned into a maelstrom of emotion and strife. He was completely exhausted and wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep for a year. Roy sauntered past Jason's room and peeped inside. Jason was still sat on the bed, staring straight at the opposite wall.
'Good night Jaybird.'
Jason didn't reply. Sighing heavily, Roy made his way to their room and clambered into bed. Tears caused the fabric of his pillow to stick to his face but Roy didn't care. He was so very tired and after that moment when Jason had said though words. Strong. Kind. Intelligent. He had felt wanted, valued for who he was, warts and all. Now, he just felt rotten and alone again.
The mattress dipped.
Roy's breath caught in his throat because he hadn't heard any footsteps, but he knew who it was. Arms slipped around his waist, tugging him against a firm, bare chest. Closing his eyes, Roy felt the rough ridges of scarring brushing against his cheek and wondered why Jason was topless. He very rarely went without some form of clothing unless he was ill.
'Jabybird?'
'I'm sorry.' Jason mumbled, fingers moving to brush Roy's tears away as he pressed his lips to the nape of his neck. 'I promised to not cause a scene. I let you down, Im sorry.'
Shaking his head, Roy turned towards him and kissed Jason's collarbone. His very bones had been aching but were easing now that his Jaybird had rejoined him.
'You stuck up for me Jaybird. No one has ever done that, not like that. Never in front of Ollie like that. Not even Dick.'
Not even Dick?' Jason parroted huskily, looking down at Roy his eyes held a glimmer of mischief in them and Roy smiled.
'Not even Dick, Jaybird.' He replied, realising that maybe his friend had been right, Jason was actually listening to what was being said to him now he had his cookie ban. Jason's brow furrowed slightly and it took Roy a while to realise that he was confused.
'Why not? You are brave and strong and so intelligent. You're safe and kind. I'm a hard person to be kind to but you are, always.'
Roy's eyes teared up again and he buried his head into Jason's chest, pulling him closer so he could feel as much of his skin against his own. So he could feel that Jason was with him, a small voice whispered that that was why Jason had come to bed in just his boxer shorts.
'Say those words again. Please.'
'Brave. Strong. Intelligent. Kind.'