Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

People say you learn a new thing every day – well I think they say that and if they don’t, fuck it. I certainly learn new things every day. Or every few days anyway. For instance, I learnt yesterday that yellow was definitely not my colour after spending the day staring at the wall of the house I was currently in. Today I am learning that lying on your back on the remnants of a mattress while waiting for the inevitable is boring as all hells.

At first, having the mattress was exciting. When all you’ve ever known is a world full of walking dead putrid ex-humans – or zombies if you’d prefer – a mattress is a real luxury. I can’t remember when the last time I slept on one was. It must have been years ago. So anyway, yeah, imagine my delight when I realized the ruin I’d entered was furnished with a mattress. Sure, it’s pretty battered, kind of old and really thin, but hey, it’s better than the floor.

But even the presence of a mattress between my back and the floor can’t excite me enough to make me forget about the hours passing.

I lift my arm and look at the deep bite mark there. I cleaned it but didn’t bandaged it. My thoughts at the time were that there wasn’t much point wasting bandages on a dead man. Understand that when I did that, three days ago, I believed I would be transforming into a flesh-eating monster. I kept my gun at the ready, so that I could shoot myself before I started turning. However, like I said, that was three days ago.

From having seen it first hand, I know the turning is faster than that. I’ve seen people turning almost as soon as they were bitten. Some take a few hours. Some last as late as two days after the bite before turning, but never more than that.

Except, I’ve been lying on this fucking mattress for three days and there has been no changes at all. Not even the slightest urge to dismember someone. Just a dry throat and a grumbling stomach.

I sigh heavily and sit up.

If this is how it’s going to play out, there’s no point in me just staying there and wait for something that might never come. I guess I should consider myself lucky and get on with my life, or survival depending on how you view it.

With that in mind, I get to my feet and stretch, yawning widely. Feeling much better, I cross the few meters separating me from my messenger bag. I picked it up in a supermarket in one of the ghost towns I passed through. I’ve had it for three years now and it contains all my possessions.

I take out a roll of bandages and wrap it expertly around my wounded arm. That will do the trick for now. I drink a bit of water and open a can of food. Once I’m satiated, I decide it’s time to move out. One of the first rules of survival in this post-apocalyptic world, is to never stay in the same place for too long. And according to this rule I’ve already stayed too long in here, it’s high time to hit the road.

I pick my leather chest piece and put it over my shirt. It covers my chest and the top part of my back as well as my shoulders. This type of protection became really common after the zombie outbreak, ten years ago. For me, it has always been an inherent part of my life, as I was only five when the world went mad.

The chest piece isn’t only for protection. I have three knives strapped on mine, which I can quickly take hold of if necessary. On the left shoulder are pockets for ammunition and both shoulders have metal rings attached to them, which can be used to pass a rope through, if I ever feel like going climbing.

Having checked my knives were all there and ready to be pulled out, I pick my pouch which has other survival-friendly items in it and attach it to my belt. I put my gun in the holder hanging from the other side of said belt and swing my bag over my shoulder.

I glance around, checking that I’m not about to leave anything behind. I stare briefly at the mattress.

Good bye my friend, I tell it jokingly in my mind, you will forever be in my heart.

The sunlight hits my eyes as soon as I leave the house. I groan slightly, lifting a hand to protect my eyes from the bright light. That’s what I get for having blue eyes. Well, strictly speaking, they are sort of halfway between blue and green. But anyway, the point is: light colour. At least I tan easily. It would’ve been hell for someone who spends his life on the road to have a skin that burns at the first ray of sunshine.

Feeling slightly comforted by that thought I leave my home of three days. For good.

I don’t have any specific rules about destinations but it’s rare for me to go back to the same places. The main reason for that is that I mostly travel by foot and you don’t get very far by walking. So I mostly travel from one ghost town to another, avoiding the cities in which the remnants of humanity is holed up.

Back when the first outbreak happened, authorities barricaded some cities and let all the non-infected people inside. Well almost all. There had been those who had been deemed unsafe and left to survive outside. Like me.

The sound of gunshots snaps me out of my reverie. I tense immediately and run in the direction of the noise, as quickly and silently as I can. I plaster myself against a wall when I get close enough. My eyes widen as I catch sight of the swarm of Walkers slowly making their way towards me. Well not exactly towards me, but rather towards a rather short male with a black undercut who’s busy shooting at a pair of Walkers who are a bit too close to him for comfort.

I swear internally. Well, isn’t that just fucking perfect?! That will teach me to break survival rule number 1.

I bite my lower lip as I try to decide what I should do. The guy is a good fighter but he won’t get very far against a swarm. I myself, had taken on packs of five or six zombies on my own before, but swarms were another matter entirely. Forget five or six, you had them by the dozen and no matter how good you were, the only thing to do was to run for your life.

Except that guy can’t run because the way is blocked. I see a Walker launch himself at the man and narrowly miss him. Next second, the Walker is sent flying by a powerful kick. The dark haired man doesn’t have time to rejoice though as three other Walkers approach him.

All my hesitations vanish in that moment.

I take out my gun and shoot in the melee. I’m a damn good shot if I say so myself so I’m not too worried about hitting the guy. Anyone who plays the survival game has to live with the eventuality of taking a stray bullet anyway.

“Get over here!” I yell, still shooting at the Walkers.

Sharp silver eyes meet mine and a second later he is racing towards me. I fire my last bullet and start running too, the man hot on my heels.

The good thing about Walkers is that they are really slow, so running is usually quite effective. Problem is, they don’t give up easily, so we’re going to have to get out of here and quick. Which isn’t going to be easy.

“I don’t suppose you have a car?” I call over my shoulder as I race through empty streets. “Oh fuck.”

I stop abruptly and grab his arm, quickly leading him away from the two Walkers barring the street. We run in back streets for a few minutes before taking a break in an alley which will give us cover for a few minutes.

“We can’t keep running like that.” I say, clicking my tongue as my eyes dart around, constantly checking for any sign of an undead.

“If you’ve got a better fucking idea, don’t hold back.” growls the man with irritation as he hastily recharges his gun.

Hearing his voice, lower than I expected, somehow surprises me into looking properly at him. He is short. As in really short. I mean I’m not that tall either, but he’s something else. He can’t be taller than five foot three or so. His skin is fairly white and it contrasts sharply with his silky black hair. His eyes are light grey, almost silver, and seem designed to glare at people. Despite his obvious irritation, his expression remains completely blank.

My eyes travel over his body – a nice body I note absently – and I realize that this guy has to come from the cities. Not only are his clothes spotless (well they look spotless next to mine), he’s equipped with a chest piece – unlike mine it stretches above his chest but doesn’t cover it. What really catches my attention though are the wrist protectors he is wearing. They’re half leather half clothe and cover his wrist and the top of his hands. I have seen people with those before. It seems to be an essential part of the outfit for citizens. I’ve been wanting some for years, but have never managed to get my hands on some. Obviously they are post-outbreak items which means they are only sold in cities and seeing as I can’t even go near those without risking my life…

“Will you fucking listen?!”

The man’s snappish tone makes me look up at him sheepishly.

“Sorry.” I say humbly, trying not to let my eyes wander towards his hands.

“I was saying, I got a couple of rifles stashed near here.” says the man in a bossy tone. “If we can grab those, we can probably try our luck against the swarm.”

I glance at him appreciatively.

“Bit suicidal there.” I say with a grin. “I like that.”

He meets my eyes with a slight frown as if he’s not sure what to make of that.

“So where are the toys?” I enquire.

He tears his gaze away from me and motions for me to follow him, which I do. We check our surroundings carefully before rushing out of the alley and running towards what must have been a warehouse.

“So you do have a car!” I exclaim as I stop in front of the army jeep parked inside the building.

“Yeah. Needs fixing though. Which I can’t do with all those fuckers around.” mutters the man, making his way to the back of the vehicle.

I take my time to check out the car as he rummages through whatever he has stored behind the seats.

“So…You have a name?” I ask at last.

“Levi.” he says, before throwing a rifle in my hands. “You?”

“Eren.” I answer as I test the gun with a happy grin. “Pleasure to meet you.”

I doesn’t take long for us to make our way back to the front of the swarm after that, especially considering they have advanced quite a bit since we left them behind. We stop shortly to evaluate the situation before rushing in.

I notice silver eyes examining me from the corner of my eye, and turn to face Levi.

“What?” I ask.

“You look like a brat, how old are you?” asks the man bluntly.

I snort.

“You look like a brat too and you don’t hear me commenting.” I say, turning back to the swarm and readying my gun. “But to answer your question, I’m fifteen.”

“Well fuck.” he comments dully.

I find myself laughing as I run out of cover and start firing at everything that moves. Maybe this will prove to be a good day after all.

***

“Not bad for a kid.” comments Levi much later, once all that is left of the swarm are putrid bodies splayed on the ground.

“Hey don’t underestimate a suvvie!” I exclaim trying to sound offended and failing miserably.

‘Suvvie’ is the name given to those who were under seven years old at the time of the outbreak. Back when the infection started, people were quick to realize that children younger than seven years old tended to be infected way quicker than others. Nobody knew why. I mean, we don’t even know what caused the outbreak in the first place. At any rate, all kids under seven suddenly became public enemy number one. Those who were in ‘clean’ neighbourhoods – that’s to say neighbourhoods where no zombies appeared – were fine, but others like me who were at the heart of the outbreak were automatically considered infected. As a result we were banned from the barricades and thrown into Hell. Even now, we’re still considered dangerous and kept out of cities. For those of us who survived throughout the years, they invented the shortened, and supposedly cuter, version of ‘survivors’: suvvies.

I scan the corpses trying to see if any of them had some interesting loot. They usually don’t but sometimes you get lucky. Today wasn’t a lucky day apparently, so I make my way back to Levi.

It’s at that moment I realize he has been staring at me.

“What?” I ask starting to feel self-conscious under his piercing gaze.

He seems to realize what he’s been doing and averts my gaze.

“Nothing.” he mutters turning away.

“It’s not nothing, you were staring at me like you’d just seen a ghost.” I protest, falling in step behind him.

“I just didn’t expect you to be an actual suvvie.” he says.

“Uh? Why not? Or rather, you know a lot of other fifteen-year old who’d be touring the zombie-infested country?”

He glares at me over his shoulder.

“Fuck off.” he snaps. “I’ve never met or even heard of a living suvvie before. You were thought to be all dead three years ago.”

My jaw goes slack.

“Say what?”

I know I must look like a fish, eyes wide, gaping and all. But I feel entitled too. I mean, it’s not every day you learn that you might just be the last of your kind. Because let’s face it, I’ve never had any means of knowing how many suvvies had actually made it. I rarely meet any myself. I passed by a few in my younger days but that’s it.

“So you’re saying I’m an endangered species?” I say, my voice becoming dangerously high-pitched.

I hear a soft snort, which for some reason makes me calm down a bit.

“Yeah pretty much.”

I mull over the thought of being one of the last suvvies as we make our way back to the warehouse. It feels strange to come to the realization that I might be the only one left out there. On the other hand, I suppose it should have been expected. Citizens are known to shoot us on sight if we wonder to close to the barricades. That’s why I usually steer clear of cities. Sure, I don’t have ‘suvvie’ written on my forehead, but there aren’t that many fifteen-year old who travel on their own these days. Obviously it has been worse before. It’s a little too much to ask of people to believe you aren’t a suvvie when you’re ten, alone, outside and armed.

Yeah, it has definitely been worse.

I sigh as I approach the car, which Levi is already working on.

“So where are you going once that beauty’s fixed?” I enquire.

“Mitras.”

“Mitras? That’s like the end of the world!”

I’m exaggerating of course. But in a country as big as this one, distances are a bitch, especially if you’re used to hiking. Of course, if you add a car to the mix it’s another story.

“How long is that going to take?” I ask trying to keep the conversation going.

I’m usually one for senseless talk, but silence with Levi around is unsettling for some reason.

“Ages.”

“Uh?” I utter surprised. “Even though you have a car?”

Levi straightens and sighs heavily.

“Yeah well, having a car is nice and all, but it’s fucking useless when you run out of fucking petrol.”

My eyes widen in understanding.

“How long until you run dry?”

“Probably till the next ghost town. Not much more.” he grunts. “Now shut the fuck up and let me work.”

Charming. Why do I even bother with this guy? Oh, right, he has a car! – yes I’m a sucker for vehicles, got a problem with that?

Although the vehicle in question won’t last for long apparently, but still, a car is a car and I haven’t been in one in years. Last thing I came by was a motorbike. It was six months ago. I was able to use it for about two days before I ran out of gas. It was hella cool while it lasted and I regretted having to leave it behind but as Levi had so eloquently put it: “it’s fucking useless when you run out of fucking petrol”.

After watching Levi work in silence for about thirty seconds, I decide I’ve got better things to do. I walk out of the warehouse and choose a nice sunny spot not too far away. I sit down and rummage inside my bag. I fish out an old map which dates back to before the outbreak and unfold it, spreading it out on the ground in front of me. I pinpoint my current location rather quickly, being used to the ritual. I haven’t gone very far since the last time I checked the map.

I was in a place called Merrymound which looked anything but merry and I am now in Snowlake City which has neither snow nor lake. Makes you wonder what drugs they’d been on when naming the damn places. Anyway, the two towns are only separated by about 200 miles, which amounts to a three and a half day trip. It’s a short trip compared to others. Usually I’m lucky if I manage to clear the distance between two ghost towns in a week.

I let my finger trail upwards until it reaches the name Mitras. Levi said his car could last until the next town which means we would have to go on foot from there. That means a solid month of walking, without counting supply runs and breaks. Counting large, it would take anywhere between two and two and a half months. Unless of course we manage to get our hands on another ride, but I wouldn’t count on that. If I decide to go with Levi I’ll be in for the long haul. Not that I have anything better to do of course. Plus Mitras isn’t so far from Stohess and Stohess has a nice settlement outside the walls of the city. I can spend some time there, as long as no one takes too much interest in me and my suvvie status.

When Levi leaves the warehouse, having visibly finished the repairs, my decision is made.

Chapter Text

Surprisingly, Levi didn’t oppose my accompanying him. He just shrugged and said that as long as I didn’t get in his ‘fucking way’, I was welcome aboard. Though to be honest, I think he was strongly influenced by the fact that he and I kicked ass together, as proven by our victory over the swarm yesterday. The fact that I’ll have someone to watch my back if things go awry played a huge part in my decision to go with Levi too. I’m not a sucker for company - if I was I would have died of lack of socializing by now. Still, it’s nice to know there is someone living and breathing nearby. Not to mention, someone who doesn’t have sudden craves to eat your brain. That’s always a nice bonus.

I smile at my own thought and peer at Levi out of the corner of my eye. He’s the one driving. When we left over two hours ago, he made a point of not letting me near the wheel, even though I assured him I could drive. And it wasn’t even a lie. I learnt driving, half by myself and half-thanks to a Runner – a guy who chose to live outside the barricades out of his own volition. I can’t remember his name now but he was a nice guy. Complete drunkard, but nice guy overall. Not that I blame him. From what he told me in between hiccups and drunken slumbers, he lost his entire family to the outbreak. Wife was eaten. Daughter was shot by the police. She had been six years old. She suffered the sad fate many under-sevens did back then. It was no wonder he had chosen to leave. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to live alongside people who took the decision to shoot your six-year old daughter because she might or might not be infected.

The world became a cruel place that day.

Not that it means much to me as I’ve always known it to be that way.

“You been alone long?”

Levi’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

“Uh? Oh yeah, kind of.” I answer as soon as the question registers with my brain. “I was travelling with a pair of guys for a couple of weeks last year. Nac Tius and Mylius Zeramuski. Nice guys.”

“Dead?”

“No – well, Mylius is. But Nac was alive last I saw him. Actually my chest piece used to be Mylius’.” I say tapping the item proudly.

Levi glances at me for a second before looking back to the road.

“You actually took it off his dead body?” though his voice is the usual monotone, I can somehow tell he’s incredulous.

I shrug and smile nonchalantly.

“Yeah, why not? It’s not like it would have been very useful to his corpse.” I tell him.

“Fair point.” concedes Levi.

“And it’s not like I didn’t ask beforehand.” I add.

“You’re shitting me.”

The little bit of amusement in the man’s voice makes me smile all the more.

“Am not.”

“So what? You went up to him and asked if you could have his chest piece when he died?” presses Levi.

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“That’s fucked up.”

I snort.

“Thanks.” I say drily before continuing in a lighter tone. “He didn’t take it very well. I got punched.”

The look Levi gives me practically screams ‘well duh’.

“Speaking of which, Levi. When you die can I have your wristbands?” I ask, letting my eyes rest on the objects of my desire.

The man snorts softly.

“Hell no. But I’ll give you my spare pair.” he glances at me, his lips quirked up ever so slightly. “They’re in the glove box.”

I look at him dumbfounded, the implication not registering immediately.

“You mean I can have them now?” I ask, gaping.

“Oh no, I was thinking of putting it on my will, so that in thirty years when I finally keel over, people will know to let you have my spare pair of wristbands.” he says, sarcasm dripping from his every word. “Yes, now, you moronic brat.”

I completely ignore the insult and open the glove box excitedly. I spot the wrist protectors instantly. The design is simpler than on the pair Levi is wearing but they are otherwise quite similar. I slip them on eagerly and spend an entire minute gazing at my hands in awe.

“Thanks Levi.” I said at last, beaming at the man.

Levi gives a low grunt of acknowledgment and I go back to admiring my new possession.

“So what happened to the Nac guy anyway?” asks Levi a while later, once I’ve stopped staring at my wrists as if they are the most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen.

“He hitched a ride with some doves a few days later.” I say with a shrug. “I can only assume he got to Stohess safely.”

At first, Levi doesn’t answer and I kind of assume the conversation is over. Which proves to be a wrong assumption when Levi speaks up again.

“Well, I suppose this is the part where I tell you, you’ve also technically hitched a ride with a dove.”

I turn to look at him with a frown and can’t stop myself from taking in his outfit again. Just like me, Levi is sporting a simple shirt and trousers designed to be easy to move around in, in shades of greyish blues and greens which age turned into poor imitations of actual colours. No sign of any military insignia.

“You’re a dove?” I ask suspiciously. “Who’re you with?”

“Survey corp.”

I frown as I recall what little I know about the doves. I don’t pay much attention to them, a part from when they're pointing their guns at me. I’m not overly friendly with them - since, you know, they're the guys in charge of killing me if I come too close to the cities. Having said that I’m not outright against them either. Ultimately, they are zombie-hunters, just like me. It’s why they were nicknamed the doves. They are a symbol of hope for humankind, hope of a peaceful world.

Their official name depends on the institution they belong too. There are three of them in total. The Military Police is what remains of the ex-police force. They mostly keep to the cities they’re in charge of and rule them as if they own them. I don’t like them much and with reason too: in the days following the outbreak they were those who shot at under-sevens, not even trying to determine whether or not they were infected yet. Not so surprisingly, I've had a grudge against them ever since. Thankfully they are those I practically never encounter.

The Garrison on the other hand, can be called the remnants of the army. They divide their time between security inside the cities and keeping a certain perimeter around it clean. Usually it’s around Garrison-held cities that settlements flourish. I respect their work personally. Not only because they are way more tolerant about my presence around their cities but also because Hannes, the man who taught me everything I know, was in the Garrison for a short period of time and always spoke highly of it.

Then, finally, there’s the Survey Corp, which Levi supposedly belongs to. They are hunters pure and simple. They often associate with the Garrison and Military Police and make their headquarters in cities under the authority of the other two institutions. Their speciality resides in organizing expeditions to wipe out as many zombies as they can. I encounter them from time to time but never get too close.

Call me paranoid, but I don’t trust people who make it their life’s goal to kill zombies. Now more than ever. Subconsciously, I hide my injured arm from view.

“Aren’t you supposed to wear some kind of fancy uniform or something?” I ask, my voice laced with distrust.

“Can’t be bothered with that shit.” Levi says and against my better judgement I can’t help but laugh.

In an instant, the tension evaporates.

“Should’ve guessed.” I huff once I’m done laughing. “What’re you doing so far out on your own anyway?”

“I separated with my team a while back.” he answers. “They had another errand to take care of.”

I hum thoughtfully. While I let the information sink, silence falls over the pair of us. Little by little, I feel my eyes start to close. The thrumming of the engine lulls me into a daze and I have to fight not to actually fall asleep. I give in in the end. Levi’s presence next to me has to be the most comforting thing I’ve ever known. I shouldn’t trust him this much, I tell myself. He’s a dove after all.

***

I’m woken up by a slap on the back of the head a few hours later.

“Da hell…” I mutter sleepily, turning bleary eyes towards Levi.

“We’ve stopped.” says the man.

I blink in confusion and look around me. We’ve stopped indeed. In the middle of the road, with nothing much around us. That’s both good and bad news. Good because ‘nothing’ includes zombies, which means there’s one less thing to worry about. Bad, because the car didn’t take us to the next town after all. I look at the sky and notice the sun is on its downwards course. Looks like I slept past noon.

I glance at Levi who’s already out of the car and gathering his things, a little surprised that he let me sleep for so long. For some reason he didn’t strike me as the type to go easy on people. I wonder why.

“Are you going to fucking move or should I leave you here?”

Despite the murderous glare sent my way I can’t help a grin from appearing on my face. Yep, he’s a git.

“I’m coming, geez. No need to get aggressive.” I say feeling more relaxed than I have been in a few days.

I climb out of the car, picking up my bag and swinging it over my shoulder in the same movement. I check that my knives and gun are still there and make my way to Levi’s weapon stash.

“Mind if I take some ammunition?” I ask peeking at the pile of guns and rifles.

“Take whatever you want.”

I mutter my thanks and bend over the side of the car. I rummage inside and end up finding what I want. I pick up a box of bullets which I place inside my pouch and place an extra one in my bag. I make to leave but my eye catches sight of a handgun with an unusual design. By unusual I mean kind of old-fashioned and I recognize it immediately.

“You’ve got a 1911!” I exclaim excitedly picking up the gun.

These are supposed to be the best handguns ever. I remember Hannes had one and it was the only gun he swore by. I’ve never used one personally but I get a nice feeling from handling the weapon.

“Yeah. Not my thing though. I like bigger guns.” says Levi offhandedly. “Take it if you like it.”

“Seriously?”

“Sure. It’s not like they’re going to be much use to anyone once we leave.”

“Thanks!”

And I really mean it. It might not seem like much but this is the second valuable item Levi gives me. Sure, what he gave me was a spare pair of wrist protectors and a handgun he doesn’t use, but in this kind of world even that is a lot. Apparently it used to be different. People used to be less attached to their possessions before the outbreak. Again, I’ve no idea if that’s the truth or not. In my world, people have so little that every item is precious. At this point even a needle is something you protect with your life. So for someone to give me this much when they barely know me…well…I’m not sure if there are words to describe how I feel.

“Don’t mention it kid.”

The use of the word ‘kid’ doesn’t register for a few minutes, as I busy myself picking up a spare holder to put my new gun in and attaching it to my belt. I have to move my pouch round, so that’s it on my back but well, it’s a small sacrifice. I smile contentedly as I pat the gun now hanging from my waist.

It’s then that the quip reaches my brain. I run after Levi who visibly got bored of waiting for me and has started walking.

“Hey, you’ve been calling me a kid for a while now.” I start falling in step next to him. “Just how old are you?”

“Thirty.”

I gape at him.

“No you’re not!” I exclaim.

Because really the guy looks way too young to be thirty year old. I mean thirty is pretty old in my book. As a suvvie I’ve always estimated my life span to about twenty years or so if I got lucky. Clearly I wasn’t too far off considering I should have died some three days ago from that damn bite.

“Why the hell not?” snaps Levi in a tone that suggests murder if I say the wrong thing.

Better leave out the height part then. Or my life may just come to an abrupt end five years before the estimated time.

“You look young. I’d have said you were in your twenties.”

I really wanted to say teens, but I had a feeling that wouldn’t go down so well. Especially since that comment was mostly based on his height.

Levi looks at me out of the corner of his eye, as if he expects my words to have a hidden meaning. I don’t know if I look that honest and trustworthy but he ends up turning away, seemingly satisfied.

“Thanks.”

After that, we don’t talk much. We’ve got a few hours walk in front of us and it’s best not to waste energy on talking. Especially since we don’t have endless supplies of water. Which brings me to rule number two of survival: water is your best friend. Sadly it’s also you’re rarest one. Usually, your best shot at finding water is supermarkets. There are still packs of bottles in there by the hundred. However, some supermarkets have been emptied by the cities, so it’s not a sure win. If there are no supermarkets around, the next best thing is a river. Everybody who takes the roads these days has a water filter. I’ve got one too, even if it’s small. Still, even with a water filter, river water is pretty disgusting. Especially big rivers. In fact, you shouldn't drink water from big rivers unless you have a death wish. Smaller ones are usually okay-ish, but big ones are gross and just plain poisonous. I like water bottles better by far. When I go down to rivers, it’s usually to take a much needed bath. I tend to do that about once a month if I can.

Talking about monthly thing, I’m going to need a change of clothes soon. I’ve got a couple of changes for underwear and a spare shirt but my trousers are ripped in quite a few places. I’m going to have to change them next chance I get. I should probably snag a couple of new shirts too. The one I’m wearing now has stains that are pretty gross. You tend to get those a lot when you spend your days fighting zombies.

Don’t go thinking I’m a fashionista who can’t stand wearing dirty clothes. I mean by normal standards I’m probably filthy anyway. It’s just that looking at Levi who’s impeccably dressed even after facing a swarm, it makes me a bit self-conscious. Stupid I know.

***

By the time we reach the ghost town, the sun is setting. The first thing we do upon arriving is take out our weapons and look out for any signs of zombies. It’s a small town and it only takes about an hour to check it all. Once we’ve determined that we are indeed alone, we go back to a house which we saw before. It’s in pretty good condition compared to the rest, the four walls are still standing and the roof is all there.

We set up for the night pretty quickly. Neither of us really carries any type of sleeping equipment apart from a blanket so we make do with what there is. I give Levi all the cushions, telling him that I’m used to the floor anyway. He accepts them without another word and enquires about watches. Again I wave him off and tell him to sleep. The argument that I slept for hours earlier that afternoon seems to convince him and he easily lets me take the first watch. I watch him get into his makeshift bed and turn to the wall before starting to make myself comfortable. I sit against the wall, not far from the gaping hole which must have been a window once. I wrap a blanket around myself and prepare myself for a long night.

***

Levi is quick to fall asleep – which isn’t really surprising considering he was driving for hours before we started hiking. Unlike me, he hasn’t had any rest since last night. If it had been me I’d be exhausted too. Well, okay, that might be a lie. I’m not the type to feel tired. In fact, I can’t remember the last time that happened. Because I’ve been on the move for so many years – practically my whole life – I’ve developed a rhythm completely different from the norm. I should probably specify at this point that my ‘norm’ comes from books I’ve read in abandoned bookshops, houses and supermarkets. I suppose it would feel strange to other people but the only knowledge I have about the world as it was back when I was five years old and before, is what was written about it. Of course, the more I read about that world, the more differences I notice between this one and mine. 

Being tired after a long day of walking, being scared of the danger outside, being worried about a loved one, being loved by your parents, going to school – all of those belong to a reality I have never experienced. Of course, I suppose my life was something like that before the outbreak but to be honest I have no memories of it. My first memory takes place on that hellish day. I’ve seen it many times in nightmares. My father towering over me, tears running down his cheeks. A part of me recalls him yelling and crying all at the same time but I don’t really remember what he was talking about. I’ve always assumed it had something to do with the outbreak though. Most things did at the time. I remember the burn in my arm though, as he injected me with something. I don’t know what was in the syringe. I don’t know what it was meant to achieve. I only know that was the last time I saw my father.

It might not be a particularly nice memory but it’s all I have left of my parents. My mother’s face and identity has forever been wiped out of my memory. Hannes told me that she had died a year before the outbreak. She had cancer apparently. That’s all I know, along with her name: Carla. According to Hannes, she had loved me. Not that it means anything to me. I don’t remember her and that’s really all there is to it.

I glance at Levi’s sleeping figure. Not for the first time since I met him, I wonder what his life was like before the outbreak. He said he’s thirty years old. Ten years ago, he was twenty. He must have gone to school. Maybe he even went to university. Did he have a girlfriend? A family? Friends? I’ve got so many questions. But even without thinking about it I know I won’t ask about Levi’s past. When I was younger, I used to ask loads of questions about the world before. It intrigued me. What was the world like without zombies? I couldn’t help but wonder what the ghost towns were like before they were abandoned. But I realized rather quickly that those who had known that world and lived in it didn’t like talking about it. It hurt them to remember that time they now saw as idyllic. No matter how much they had hated their dull lives before, it now appeared in their memories as an unreachable utopia. After a while, I stopped asking questions. Partly because I preferred to stay on good terms with the few people I met and partly because I stopped caring. But meeting Levi brought back my curiosity from long ago.

I watch the rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathes peacefully. Perhaps it’s because of how I met him, but Levi is stuck in my mind as a warrior. His emotionless face, piercing eyes and almost natural fighting stance make it impossible for me to imagine as anything other than the Dove who slaughters zombies with a disgusted look on his face. On top of that he’s rude and violent. It really makes it difficult to picture him living a ‘normal’ life.

My lips stretch in a fond smile as I watch him sleep but it doesn’t last long. As soon as I realize what I’m doing, I wipe the smile off my face and abruptly stand up. I grab the rifle Levi left against the wall and hurriedly step out.

As soon as the night air envelops me I feel better. This is how it should be. Me, alone doing rounds at night before sleeping for a couple of hours and repeating the process. Me surviving. Alone. Levi might be with me at the moment, but it won’t last long. There are only two possible outcomes for those I meet, which were exemplified by Nac and Mylius. Either they make their way to a city where I can’t follow or they die. And in the latter case, it’s better not to be too attached. It’s easier to shoot them if I’m not.

I remember Mylius’ last day. The three of us were running away from a swarm. Unlike Levi, Nac and Mylius were so-so at fighting. They were good enough for a pack but not enough for a swarm. So that day, we ran from the zombies. We had been doing well until Mylius tripped. He fell head first and was bitten by a Lurker before he even hit the ground. Lurkers are much faster than Walkers and because of that, they’re also a lot more vicious. From the moment Mylius tripped, I knew he was done for. But Nac didn’t. Or maybe he didn’t want to believe it. In any case, he shot the zombie that had jumped on Mylius and tried to go to him. I pulled him back. Mylius had been bitten. I remember meeting his eye. He looked terrified. I guess he knew what was going to happen.

I don’t think Nac ever forgave me for shooting Mylius. They were friends and I cold-heartedly shot him. Not that I regret it. I’ve never regretted anything I’ve done. Especially not shooting an infected. The first thing Hannes taught me and Mikasa was that when someone was infected we had to kill them. If there was one rule you needed to remember in order to survive, it was that one. An infected person was already as good as dead, for that reason we must not waver and pull the trigger. Kill or be killed. Survival of the fittest. We live in that kind of world.

I’ve always lived by that rule and I always will. That’s why I won’t get attached. Attachment is superficial and is more likely to become a burden. It’s unnecessary.

I finish my round and having seen no sign of zombies I go back inside, carefully avoiding looking at Levi as I settle against the wall once again. I wrap myself in my blanket and close my eyes. In two hours my biological clock will make me wake up and I’ll go out for another round. Until then, I shut my eyes and dream of a white and black bird flying further than I can reach.

Chapter Text

I wake up to Levi shaking me roughly. If his clenched jaw is any indication he isn’t very happy that I didn’t wake him up for second watch. I let him seethe at me about safety and ‘idiotic brats’ before losing my patience and snapping at him that it’s not thanks to luck that I’m still alive today. That thankfully shuts him up and I can get on with my morning routine of checking my equipment. As I’m folding my blanket my eyes fall on my bandaged arm. Subconsciously I bite my lower lip. I glance around, and notice for the first time that Levi is gone. It should probably worry me but at the moment the only thing I can think of is the bite mark which is already five days old and which I haven’t looked at since I bandaged it the day before yesterday. It still looked pretty ugly back then, even though it had started healing itself. I wonder what it’s like now.

After checking once more that Levi is nowhere in sight, I carefully unwrap the bandage from around my arm. Amazingly the wound seems almost completely healed. It’s still clear that something chewed on me, because of the white scars that have formed, but the ripped flesh has mended. I trace the outline of the jaw that bit into my limb with a trembling finger. How did I not turn? I always thought being bitten meant the end. From a young age, I promised myself that if ever was bitten I would kill myself before I could turn. Because once you are infected there is no hope for you. So why am I still myself?

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t hear Levi come back inside. I don’t notice him at all until I feel the cold weight of a gun against the back of my head. I jump in surprise and whip my head around to look at him.

His eyes are narrowed in a glare and I barely repress a shiver under the intensity of his gaze. Levi is seriously dangerous.

“What the fuck is that, brat?” he asks calmly, perhaps too calmly.

I meet his eye and know that he will not hesitate to pull the trigger. Levi isn’t like Nac. He won’t panic or try to save me. No, Levi is like me. He will calmly shoot me and walk away.

My lips stretch into a grin.

“Calm the fuck down.” I tell him, averting his eyes and starting to wrap the bandage around my arm. “This thing is almost five days old. If I was going to turn I would have done it by now.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Levi’s eyes widening a fraction. The gun doesn’t move.

“That’s impossible.” he says stiffly.

I take it as a good sign that he still hasn’t pulled the trigger.

“Fine. Think about it then. We met the day before yesterday and that was the last time we saw zombies. Assuming I was bitten back then, that still makes it nearly two days old. Time enough for me to turn don’t you think?”

I can practically see the gears in his mind turning. His eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are fixed on my bandage. An eternity seems to pass before he lowers his gun.

“You already had the bandage when we first met.” he mumbles to himself.

I’m surprised he remembers that but I don’t say anything. I wouldn’t want him to change his mind and shoot me.

“How did you survive?” he asks me.

“No idea.” I say with a shrug before getting up. “After I was bitten I cleaned the wound and found some place to stay. My intention was to shoot myself before I turned but I never did. I waited three entire days before deciding to start moving. I met you just after that.”

Levi looks doubtful. Seems he doesn’t believe me. But I’m not sure if he doesn’t believe I waited for three days or if he thinks that I did something to the bite so that I wouldn’t turn. But then again, I suppose it doesn’t really matter. What really matters here is that I’m still alive. Furthermore, I got the agreeable proof that Levi is indeed like me and will not hesitate to shoot someone if he thinks they are infected. My future is in good hands.

Okay, no. Whatever you’re thinking right now, I can tell it’s wrong. Probably on many levels.

Just to be clear, I’ve seen a lot of people turn after getting infected. I shot most of them. But some I saw become zombies and I can tell you there’s nothing, not even a shred of humanity in those things. No, people are much better off being killed while they’re still humans. I for one, never want to become a mindless corpse who craves for brain. Not only is the prospect of eating humans gross, it’s also not what I’m hoping to become. I’d much rather die, thank you very much. Which is why I’m glad that Levi is on the same wavelength. If I’m ever to start turning – which is considerably less probable now that I have discovered myself to be…immune? Is that what this is? – I know he’ll kill me straight away no questions asked and that is important to me. I hope he knows I’d do the same for him.

Now, this is what you call manly bonding!

Just kidding. No, but really, I feel better about travelling with Levi knowing this.

“Wipe that shitty grin of your face brat, you look stupid.”

Aw, way to ruin a moment Levi!

I sigh deeply – once again failing majorly to look even a little affronted – and start examining what is left of the clothes I’d been wearing for the past month.

“Hey, you think we can drop by a supermarket or something?” I ask. “I want to grab some new clothes.”

Levi looks at me blankly. I’m starting to realize after spending a few days with him, that ‘blank’ has many aspects. Since Levi always has a poker face on, you have to rely on more than subtle changes to tell what emotion he’s showing. It can be pretty tricky but this one I interpret rather quickly. He has that particular blank expression whenever I say something that is in direct relation with my life style and which is probably unusual for him, if not downright weird. I call it the ‘discovery of a suvvie’s ways n°1’ expression. It’s number one because there’s a number two as well. Number one is when he’s just surprised, number two is when he thinks it’s totally gross and clashes with his hygiene standards – they’re very high in case you’re wondering.

“Whatever.” he says at last.

Is the notion of me getting clothes in a supermarket really that hard to get his mind around? Where the hell do citizens even get their clothes? I must have voiced the question aloud because Levi turns round to look at me.

“We bring them back in supplies raids and leave them to the Traders. Clothes production has started again in the last two years though, so we’ve got a few city-made clothes too.” he says.

My lips move into an ‘o’ shape and the corresponding sound erupts softly. I mechanically follow Levi who has started moving towards the exit. He leads me out in the streets and we walk in silence through the deserted town. I keep my eyes and ears open, even as I think of life in the cities which I have never, and most likely never will, experience. After a while my thoughts drift to Levi. Difficult not to when he’s standing right next to me looking as bored as ever.

To be fair I was taken aback by his rapid acceptance of my supposed immunity to zombie bites. Having said that, the man isn’t stupid and I’m sure he can do basic math. Two days since the last time we saw zombies. If I was going to turn I would already be lunging at him. Not to mention the wound doesn’t look recent anymore. In fact it could have passed for a month-old wound if not more. I’m not entirely sure how fast people heal, cause you know, been on my own and all that, but I’m pretty sure it’s meant to be slower than that. It’s been five days for fuck’s sake!

I can feel panic trying to take over and I high kick it back to oblivion. Don’t need that right now. Not ever actually. Panicking does no good.

Forcing myself back into a calm frame of mind, I fall into steps behind Levi, who is entering the remnants of a clothes shop.

“Think you can find anything in here?” he asks looking around detachedly.

“Yeah, sure.” I say, and start snooping around, picking up shirts and examining them carefully before discarding them.

Problem with clothes in normal shops is that they’re mostly impractical. I mean you can’t go around playing the survival game with a fancy dress shirt. That’s just asking for trouble. Usually, I try and find sports’ shops where they have clothes designed to be practical but that’s not always possible.

In the end I do find proper clothes, which is to say two plain shirts, one long-sleeved and one short-sleeved and a pair of light grey jeans with which I fall in love with as soon as I lay eyes on them. I take advantage of the shop’s changing rooms to change outfits and take a glance in a mirror to examine myself. I note with pride that I’m not so bad-looking for a guy who lives in the wild. My dark brown locks have grown I note. I’ll have to give them a cut soon. The artisanal kind, with a knife and all. Maybe I’ll ask Levi. He must be good at it if he manages to keep an undercut.

I smile at my reflection in the broken mirror and prepare to turn away when a flash of gold catches my attention. Frowning I step forward and examine my eye closely. The golden colour is on the top-right corner of my right eye. It’s small and looks like a drop of golden paint on a greenish-blue surface. Did I always have that? Somehow I can’t remember ever noticing this before. Obviously I don’t spend hours in front of the mirror, mostly because there are practically never any mirrors around, but still. I kinda entertained the thought that I at least knew what I looked like. Seems I was just proven wrong.

“Are you fucking done yet?” Levi shouts, a hint of impatience in his voice.

If I can hear impatience, he must be absolutely fed up.

“Yeah, I’m coming!” I yell back.

I hurriedly grab my bag and leave the changing area giving the mirror one last glance before joining Levi in the shop.

As soon as I enter his line of sight, Levi places a dark glare on me. ‘What the fuck took you so long?’ he seems to say as he drills a hole in me with his venomous look. I give him a sheepish grin to which he huffs and marches out with glancing back at me. I follow a little bit slower, my smile menacing to fall.

Is it just me or are weird things happening to me a lot lately? Is someone up there getting a kick out of bullying me? Or am I just paranoid? Actually, it wouldn’t be a first for me. Being paranoid that is.

Yeah, that must be it. The whole ‘being bitten and not turning thing’ is making me see abnormal things everywhere. I probably had that gold patch in my eye from the start and just never paid attention to it before because it’s so tiny. Nope, nothing to worry about. Absolutely nothing.

***

In the days that follow I manage to forget my worries as I’m confronted with more immediate danger in the form of a vicious pack of Lurkers. They’re populating the ghost town we had intended on staying in. Lurkers tend to do that. They stay close to towns unlike Walkers who travel around aimlessly, apparently not bothered by the prospect of travelling through the country. I don’t know if there’s a cause-to-effect relation between the two, but while Walkers are quite slow though very persistent, Lurkers are hella fast and bloody vicious. To be fair, I’d take on a swarm of Walkers over a pack of Lurkers any day. Not to mention a pack of Lurkers is usually hiding another. Which can quickly get difficult if not impossible to manage.

Levi and I commonly agree after taking down five Lurkers or so that there’s no point wasting time and energy fighting a never-ending flow of fuckers and we hastily retreat. The only good point with Lurkers is that once you’re out of their line of sight, it’s as if you never existed. They forget you were there as soon as you’re gone, which makes running away from them a lot easier than giving the slip to a bunch of Walkers.

And this is how we find ourselves bending over the map in the middle of nowhere, weighting our options. It was clear at this point that we had no choice but make a detour. The question is where we should head. The logical answer would have been the closest ghost town that isn’t the one we’ve just escaped from. Problem is that we’re running short on food. A supply run is therefore needed. The initial plan was to make one while we passed through but the Lurker threat makes that impossible.

“Other nearby towns are too small.” mumbles Levi thoughtfully.

I nod. Small towns are not good because a small town means a small supermarket. The thing with small supermarkets is that they are emptied faster than a big one. Add to that the fact that it has been ten years since the Outbreak and you get the picture. Honestly, the main reason why I expect to die by the time I turn twenty isn’t because of zombies. It’s food that will be a major problem. Right now, it is still possible to make do with the cans left in the massive supermarkets all over the country. But as time passes food is becoming scarce. Every time I go on a supply run I see the inevitable tide of famine arriving. Back when I was a kid, when I went on runs with Hannes and Mikasa, there was always tons of food no matter what supermarkets we went into. Even small ones were gold mines.

Nowadays, it is largely accepted that small supermarkets are empty. Only larger ones are truly viable options. And even then, there are some that are empty. Sometime last year I was down in the South and I went into one of those huge stores. The Empty Fridges. That’s what they’re called. Supermarkets that no longer have food in them, people like me talk about them with barely hidden fear. For suvvies like myself, Empty Fridges mean death. Runners can still go back to the cities but suvvies can’t. When food can’t be found outside anymore, we’re doomed.

“We’ll have to make the long trip.” I say pointing to the map. “Go West and pass through May-whatever.”

“That’s a fucking big detour.” mutters Levi in response, but I can sense acceptance in his voice.

We don’t have a choice at this point. In a long trip, food has to come first or you risk not ever making it to your destination.

I fold the map and place it back in my bag and then we’re off. We head West almost by instinct. It’s funny how you can learn to tell directions from the smallest signs when you’re used to it.

My mind is still stuck on the issue of food. I noticed once I’m thinking about something, I tend to mull over it for hours on end.

“Hey, Levi.” I call the man’s attention to me intending to satisfy my curiosity. “Do cities survive only on supply runs?”

This has been bothering me for a while. Even with all the people who died, supplies should have run out a lot faster if everyone fed on supermarkets.

“No, we produce food. We managed to salvage some animals and they’ve got some patches of land where they grow stuff. It’s not as good as it used to be but it gets the job done.” he pauses seemingly thinking about something. “Not that you’d know about how things used to be.”

Yeah, thanks for reminding me.

I send him a scornful look (I don’t have the guts to comment on it – I have a feeling I might lose some important body parts if I do), hoping that he’ll understand how stupid and utterly useless I think that snide added comment was. I don’t know if it’s fortunate or not, but Levi doesn’t notice the look I’m sending his way as he isn’t even looking at me.

“I hear they’ve got some labs that are still functioning in Sina where they create nutritional stuff too.” he continues.

“And that’s enough to feed everyone?” I enquire.

My only answer is a shrug. I guess he doesn’t really try to find out these things. I mean, I probably wouldn’t either if I had stable supplies of food at hand. And now I’m reminded that even if I die famished in the middle of the zombie-infested country, people who massacred my fellow under-sevens will continue living happily fed behind their walls. How annoying.

But I don’t envy them. Nope, absolutely not. How boring it must be to live in those cages they call cities. It must be awful. Not having any zombies to shoot down. Not running away from flocks of man-eating corpses. Sleeping on a bed every night. Eating three meals a day. How dull…

Yeah right. As expected I can’t even convince myself…

Obviously there are tons of pros to living inside the cities. There are cons too, but a lot less. I know that. I also know that it’s useless thinking about it because life in the cities is as far removed from me as pre-Outbreak life. Still, can’t lie to myself. I’m bound to think about it once in a while. Especially when I’m travelling with a citizen who’s a constant reminder that my way of life is quite special and maybe even unique – since you know, suvvies are an endangered species. We’re like the new polar bears or something. Which doesn’t make me happy at all for some odd reason. I wonder why.

While I was thinking, Levi seems to have been doing some thinking of his own if the stare I feel boring holes into the side of my face is any indication.

“What?” I ask when the constant staring starts becoming uncomfortable.

Levi smoothly looks away as if he had never been staring at all and remains silent for a moment or two. He’s amazing like that. Even when he does something that would make anyone else immortally embarrassed he can act as if it’s perfectly normal and not flustering in the least. Damn poker face.

“Who taught you how to survive?” he asks at last.

Oh so that’s what it was. Figures he’s wondering. Most suvvies had someone to take care of them after they were kicked out in the wild. Those who didn’t are dead. It’s as simple as that.

“Guy called Hannes. He’d been a friend of my Mom. He was in the Garrison for a short while.”

Levi peeks at me under his eyelashes.

“The Garrison was only created two weeks after the Outbreak.” he says.

I remain silent. Honestly, I hadn’t intended to tell my life story but now that he is asking it’s difficult to not divulge anything, especially since I want to tell him. I don’t even know why.

I sigh.

“Yeah well, my sister and I had to fend for ourselves for a month or so. My Mom died in the Outbreak and my Dad kind of disappeared. He found us after the Outbreak and stayed with us for a few days. But after that he vanished.” I stop, my thoughts wandering to the last days of peace. “After that, Mikasa and I were on our own for a while. We stuck to some other suvvies for a few days and then hid out in a supermarket. Until Hannes found us. He took care of us after that.”

I remember Hannes’ short blond hair and warm smile. He had always been the nice Uncle who was a childhood friend of Mom’s. He was always nice and even though he wasn’t often around, being a soldier and all, he made sure to visit often and never forgot our birthdays. I always admired him. Ever since I was a kid. From the few memories of my pre-Outbreak life, I remember telling my Mom I wanted to be a soldier just like Hannes when I grew up. It had made her laugh.

After I grew up, after Hannes had died, after I was left alone with my own thoughts, I started wondering why he had done all this for us. It’s not that I doubted his kindness. It just seemed surreal that someone would go as far as to jeopardize his own life to take care of two kids who weren’t his own and who were probably doomed anyway. Thinking back on everything I knew about Hannes I realized he must have been in love with Mom. He’d told me once that Mom was his first love, but it had never occurred to me before that she might have been his last too. Once the thought had entered my head everything started to make sense. How he had always been mostly single, how he always stayed close by, how he had loved spending time with Mom and us but was always sort of distant with Dad.

“He was a good man.” I say firmly, concluding my little trip down memory lane.

Levi doesn’t say anything to that which I’m grateful for.

“What about you?” I ask, eager to divert his attention from my family. “Do you have any family?”

He shrugs.

“I’m an orphan so I’ve never had any blood relations.” he says before adding. “I had a brother and a sister who were orphans like me. We grew up together.”

‘Had’ uh? I guess, they died too. I don’t say ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘that’s sad’ because I’m not sorry and it’s not sadder than anyone else’s story. Most people lost someone or several someones in the Outbreak or its aftermath. I’d go as far as to say it’s rare for someone to not have lost at least half their family in the last ten years. It annoys me when people say they’re sorry for my losses or similar. Why should they be sorry when I who killed the last two members of my family with my own hands don’t feel sorry at all? The very notion is ridiculous.

“Well, you’ve got me now!” I say in the sappiest tone I can muster.

“Fuck off.” growls Levi but his lips are quirking upwards.

The glare he sends my way is far more amused than annoyed and I burst out laughing, thoughts of the past evaporating in the cooling air of the evening.

Chapter Text

Our detour through May-something-or-other is thankfully not a useless one. It’s damn lucky seeing as we cut it a bit short supply-wise as it is. I don’t think we could have made another detour if we had found an Empty Fridge. So yeah, all hails to viable supermarkets and all that.

We’re travelling again now. By that, I mean to say we are once more on our way to Mitras. I trudge after Levi who’s walking swiftly and without hesitation, letting my mind wander. It must be around a month now. A month since I met Levi and started travelling with him. Well maybe a bit less. Maybe three weeks. Still, a pretty long time. Long time for me that is. I don’t usually travel with someone for that long. I have planned long trips with people before but it never worked out for one reason or another. Sometimes we argue and I go my own way. This happens quite a lot actually. I think people expect me to be just like a citizen and they don’t like my way of doing things. Some have thought I’m too casual with the topic of death. Well, what can I say? Death is as much a part of my life as my next meal. Nothing I can do about that. Others just die.

So yeah, Levi is quite the rare exception. It’s nice. And it worries me.

It doesn’t sit well with me that I enjoy his company so much. This isn’t good, because whatever we have now won’t last. Soon we’ll part ways and most likely never see each other again. And that’s the best-case scenario. Worst-case scenario is that I’ll have to shoot him. That’s why I shouldn’t get too attached. There’s no point in it. No point at all.

My eyes fix themselves on the nape of his neck, the white of his skin contrasting with the pure black of his silky hair. I find myself wondering what it would feel like to touch…I violently turn my head to the side, sternly ordering my mind to get out of the gutter.

As you can see, getting attached is really a nice way to say that I shouldn’t be attracted to him. Sexually, I mean.

Now I understand that it might seem a bit unbelievable that I feel attracted to a man, double my age, who I only just met three weeks ago. Sure, in theory I’d say it was impossible too. In theory. In practice, I seem to not be able to control my body, and it seems to have been telling ‘fuck it’ for a while now. Or possibly ‘fuck him’ which really all comes down to the same thing.

I think the worst moment by far was when we stopped by a river and commonly agreed that we needed a bath. The thing with bathing is that it makes you very vulnerable. That’s why we decided to make it short and do it one after the other so as to diminish the amount of time we would be at the mercy of the enemy and so there would always be one ready to defend us if the worst came to pass. A bad idea but not because of the zombies.

To my greatest shame my eyes had been glued to Levi’s naked body – you should see his abs – the whole time. I suspect this is actually the moment when my body decided it would very much like to have a piece of the man for itself. Obviously my mind had no say in it. Not that I was thinking very clearly at the time. I am, despite everything, a teenager and as such one of the victims of the so-called ‘puberty’.

I must be one lucky bastard because Levi didn’t seem to notice. Or if he did he didn’t comment on it. I’m still thanking whatever great power lazes up there for that.

Anyway, it was after that that I started to see Levi as…uh…in a different light. Yeah, who am I kidding. I actually had to sneak away that evening to jerk off to the memory of him naked. I have never felt as pathetic and utterly fucked – no pun intended – as in that moment.

The thought still depresses me.

The only good point I can see in all this mess, is that at least it’s only sexual attraction. It’s got nothing to do with feelings as flimsy as love or whatever other useless emotion might be involved in such cases. It was just me being a horny-as-Hell sixteen year old.

Oh yeah, I realized a few days back that I must have turned sixteen not too long ago. I guess that’s one more year I managed to survive, and one less separating me from the end of godamn-puberty. Hurray for that.

***

“We should stay here for the night.” announces Levi as he finishes his inspection of one the few houses still standing of the little village we arrived in.

“Sure.” I say distractedly.

The sun is going down already so it’s without doubt a good idea to settle down. And the location’s as good as any.

With these thoughts floating in my mind I start making myself at home. Namely arranging a place to sleep, while Levi starts preparing a simple meal. When I’m done gathering torn cushions and dusty blankets in a corner as makeshift beds, I join Levi in the centre of the room. Wordlessly he lifts a plate of food towards me. I take it, muttering my thanks and eat quickly.

I try to pretend I don’t notice the silver gaze fixed on me throughout the meal, but it’s kind of hard. Especially since something else seems intent on getting hard. Reaching new levels of willpower I finally manage to convince my dick that it’s not a good idea and somehow manage it.

I swallow the last of my meal with the intention of making a quick escape but I find myself being pinned down by Levi’s gaze. Helplessly, my gaze meets his. I clear my throat uncomfortably.

“What?” I ask, praying to all the gods I’ve ever heard of, that this isn’t about how awkward I’ve been acting lately.

The thought that he might have seen me jerking off at some point – did you think I only did it once? Naïve thinking – freezes me in place.

He lifts his hand and reaches towards my face. My heart is drumming almost painfully in my chest as my eyes follow the white limb. I try to keep my mind off how long his finger are all the while cursing puberty and my status as a teenager. After only a few seconds that seem to last for hours, his hand comes to rest on my cheek.

At this point I want to scream. I think I understand how a rat feels when it’s become trapped after being lured out by the chunk of delicious-looking cheese.

I can feel my cheeks flush and an unmanly squeak escapes my lips.

“What are you doing?!” I screech at him, terrified by the prospect of getting a hard-on because of the close proximity.

“Ah?”

WHY THE HELL DOES HE STILL LOOK SO FUCKING CALM?

“Calm the fuck down, Shitty Brat. I just wanted a look at your eye.” he says, as unaffected as usual.

Normally, that comment would have alerted me immediately, but as it is all I can think of is that he’s too fucking close and ‘oh my god, I’m getting hard!’.

“Why are you getting a hard-on?” he asks eyes lowering to my crotch.

Okay, I am now ready to die of mortification. Earth you can swallow me any time now.

“Don’t look!” I yell and reflexively punch him.

He’s thrown back and I watch in horror as he slowly lifts a hand to the cheek I just hit. He’s looking murderous.

“S-Sorry. Didn’t mean to hit you.” I hurriedly say, looking at his clenched fist worriedly. “Look, you were just too close and I kind of panicked…”

“Did panic make you hard too?” he asks sarcasm coating his every word.

Earth what are you doing? Just hurry up and make me disappear already! Now I just feel like crying…Why does this have to have happen to me?

I remain silent, averting my eyes, while Levi continues to stare at me darkly. After a few moments of heavy silence, I dare glance at the man’s face. I at least want to know if I’m about to be attacked. Instead he looks less angry than before. His eyes are firmly lowered to my crotch and I self-consciously jerk my leg in front of it. He glances back up to my face and meets my eyes, looking…amused? Did the bastard actually find this funny? Fuming inside, I narrow my eyes at him, my lust rapidly transforming into irritation.

“Not going to take care of it?” asks Levi casually as if this sort of things happened every day.

Oh for fuck’s sake!

“Well if you’d kindly step out, I would.” I seethe, not amused in the least.

Levi lifts an eyebrow.

“Getting shy brat? Even though you got hard because of me?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” I snarl. “I’m a horny teenager and you just happened to be around.”

“I’m sure.” he replies flatly.

He gets to his feet and I think for a wild moment that he’s going to leave but that hope quickly dies when he starts heading my way. In a few swift steps he’s in front of me. Next thing I know he’s kneeling in front of me, unbuttoning my trousers.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” I screech trying to push him away to no avail.

“Taking responsibility.” he says.

“I don’t need tha…Ah!” my sentence ends in a gasp as his fingers wrap themselves around my erection.

I most definitely do not moan as his finger start stroking my member.

“Wait!” I say, starting to panic, as a warmth starts pooling in my stomach and pleasure sends shivers down my spine. “Sto…”

His strokes become faster and I groan, my fingers digging into his shirt, now completely unable to push him away. This feels too damn good and the logical part of my mind is screaming at me not to let it happen, because this isn’t good! This isn’t good at all! But the other more prominent part of my mind is telling me that on the contrary this is pleasure as I’ve never felt it before, and it’s really good.

I come all too soon and Levi’s fingers retreat. I’m a panting mess and my fingers are still clinging to his shirt. I can’t meet his eye. It’s a mix of shame and fear. I didn’t want him to find out about this lust of mine. But he did and he doesn’t seem to think much of it. Rather why the hell did he do that? I would have preferred it if he gave me a disgusted look and told me to take care of it outside, or something. This I could deal with. But this Levi who was willing to…to what? ‘Help me ‘take care of it’? This…It scared me.

“The fuck…?” I mutter weakly.

“Don’t flatter yourself Brat.” he says echoing my earlier words. “I just thought it’d be faster if I gave you a hand.”

My uncertain emotions fade away, leaving place to annoyance.

“Who’s flattering himself now?” I spit out, letting go of his shirt and pushing him away in the same movement.

I snort in amusement at the look of surprise on his face as he lands on his butt. It earns me a kick in the leg.

And then just like that, the incident is over.

***

We don’t mention it again after that. We just go on with our lives as if nothing ever happened. Everything is so normal that it makes me wonder if it actually happened at all. I end up getting confirmation that the incident was not, in fact, a figment of my imagination, when I catch sight of my reflection in a broken window pane a few days later.

My eyes widen comically and I swear under my breath. The string of curses catches Levi’s attention and he turns to look at me curiously.

“What?” he asks, sounding bored as usual.

“My eye it’s…”

I can’t seem to find the words to describe the golden hue that now almost entirely covers the initial greenish blue of my eye. I can see a patch of blue in the lower corner of my eye but other than that it has turned entirely golden.

“Oh, that’s right.” says Levi completely unaffected by my distress.  “That’s what I was going to tell you the other day.”

“The other day?” I echo stupidly wondering what he was referring to until my mind snidely recalls the feeling of his fingers on my dick. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” he confirms flatly, the corner of his lips twitching upwards.

“Anyway,” I say firmly getting back on topic. “How long has it been that way?”

I turn to look at the glass once more and my reflection looks back at me worriedly. It reminds me of that day in the cloth shop when I’d seen a small golden patch in my eye in the mirror. Had it spread since then?

“I’m not really sure.” says Levi. “I think it turned golden gradually. I didn’t really pay attention to it until it was more than half turned.”

I frown.

“But why is it doing that? Eyes don’t just change colours do they?”

There’s genuine curiosity in my voice. It might seem like a pretty stupid question, but the truth is, I have absolutely no way of being certain that this isn’t normal. For all I know this might be rare reaction to puberty or something. 

Levi merely shrugs.

“Not for humans they don’t.” he says.

I shoot him a dark glare.

“I am human!” I exclaim with a mix of anger and indignation.

He shrugs again, the merest hint of a smile playing on his lips.

“Bastard.” I mutter.

This godamn son of a bitch is playing with me!

Poker face back on, he returns my gaze as impassively as possible while I continue seething under my breath.

“Maybe it’s a side effect.” he suggests at last, in a goody-two-shoe tone that sounds so fake I want to punch him.

I know exactly what he’s referring to and I also know he’s just saying that to distract me from the violent thoughts running through my mind. I know that, but the comment makes me freeze. Side effect. It could be one. I’ve never heard of, or seen for that matter, anyone who could resist the bite. Before me that is. Meaning I’m unprecedented. Also meaning that I don’t know the consequences of resisting the bite. Why wouldn’t it change my eye colour? I obviously don’t know how all that stuff works but maybe it’s some sort of chemical reaction or something.

I look at Levi with a pensive frown.

“You know, maybe it is.” I murmur and briefly squeeze my eyes shut.

Eyes changing colour is innocent enough, but what else should I expect? What other changes will occur because of that damn bite and whatever kept me from becoming a flesh-eating monster? A ball of dread settles in my throat. Suddenly, being attracted to Levi feels like a really minor problem.

***

Except of course, it really isn’t.

I don’t know who had the stupid idea to invent the term sweet sixteen but I’m not finding this particular period of my life ‘sweet’. In fact, it’s nowhere near anything remotely enjoyable. It’s Hell. With a capital H.

Yes, it is about Levi. What isn’t these days? I don’t know what made me think it was a good idea to start travelling with a sexy-as-fuck citizen but I’m starting to wonder if I wasn’t possessed at the time. Because let’s face it: this is Impossible. Yes, with a fucking capital I!

Wondering why the sudden outburst? Well, for one the gorgeous bastard is currently undressing in front of me. And for another he’s enjoying it, that absolute git!

“Like what you see?” he practically purrs at me with a mocking smirk.

I strain my eyes upwards and try to muster a glare at him. I expect its highly mollified by the fact that the way he cocks his head to the side when he’s smirking, his eyelashes lowered slightly over his eyes, just makes him that much more fuckable. I grit my teeth, trying not to let my gaze wander lower than needed.

“What are you trying to do?” I hiss at him, eyes flashing with anger at being made fun of.

“I’m changing.” he answers, his smirk widening, a taunting hand reaching to his belt.

I am fuming by that point. And ready to jump him. In fact I have to exert all the self-control in me to refrain from doing so. I’ve got it bad. Very bad. I can’t keep doing this. My hands are shaking with the effort of restraining myself, and I clench my fist to hide it.

“Levi, what the fuck are you trying to do?”

The smirk finally gives way to a more thoughtful expression, a soft hum leaving his lips. His eyes are boring into me giving away nothing of his intentions. I don’t know if he’s ridiculing me or if he’s seriously seducing me. And it’s driving me mad. For a lot of reasons. I realize he’s up to something. He has to be. He’s never that slow when changing, and I know provocation when it’s shoved at me.

A shrug.

“You’re not the only one who’s horny.” he says, eyes drifting to the side.

It’s all it takes for my restraint to snap.

***

A few hours and three rounds later I’m lying awake staring at the ceiling and listening to the quiet breathing of the sleeping man next to me. He’s lying close enough that I can feel the heat of his naked body on my arm and a faint tickling on my neck every time he exhales.

I’m currently trying to blame myself for losing control. Which is extremely difficult with my mind still full of Levi’s throaty moans, with the way his nail dug into my back when I fucked him, the way his legs wrapped around me in the heat of passion. I let my arm drop heavily over my eyes. This is so bad. Not to mention we totally forgot to organize watches. I mean sure we’re safe enough in the house we chose and we did triple check for zombies before settling down but still…Memories of sloppy kisses and of my name being cried out flicker at the front of my mind. I sigh heavily. This is the absolute worse.

This is what I expect would fit the phrase ‘too good to be true’. It was good. So good I’m already itching for more. Except it’s true. I’ve no doubt about that because I’m not the type to lose myself in fantasies. The Levi sleeping next to me is real. So fucking real it’s painful.

I shouldn’t have done that. I’m not meant to get attached.

And I haven’t, I tell myself fervently. I haven’t. Not yet anyway. There’s a movement next to me, Levi inching slightly closer. His mouth is right next to my neck now and the first breath he takes sends a shiver of pleasure down my spine.

I sit up abruptly, escaping the closeness. Who am I kidding really? If the sex was so good it makes me feel like wrapping my arms around him and never letting go, what would it be like to be in love with the short grump? I bury my face in my hands, sighing internally. No point lying to myself I suppose. Though it’s best not to jump to conclusions either. One thing I’m sure of is that Levi is certainly not harbouring any kind of feelings towards me. Except perhaps lust. Which is the only reason we are where we are right now.

I sneak a glance at Levi’s sleeping figure. He really is beautiful like that. His expression is relaxed, satiated. His skin looks even paler in moonlight and I have to push back the urge to kiss it. My sitting up has pushed the blanket that covers the both of us down to his waistline, allowing my gaze to travel all the way down his spine and up again to his throat where a dark patch stands out like a stain on white linen, indicating the place where I bit him earlier. My breath catches in my throat as I recall the deep moan he had let out when I had let my teeth sink in his skin.

I tear my eyes away. My hands are trembling again. But this time I think I’m afraid. There isn’t much that frightens me but this man does. The way he makes me feel terrifies me. Because this isn’t right. This is dangerous. This is something that will bring as much pain as pleasure. I don’t even have to think about it, I know it would hurt even more than when I had killed Hannes. Even more than when I killed Mikasa.

And as the realization hits me, the solution becomes clear. I have to leave. Turn my back now and leave this behind.

I’m about to get up, intent on leaving right now, but I hear Levi move and I freeze. I hold my breath as his arms reach towards where I had been lying. His eyes flutter open. His half-asleep gaze meets mine.

“Eren?” he murmurs, half-turning his body towards me.

As if enchanted, I find myself lowering down to lie next to him once more, happily accepting the arm he throws over me, eyes trained on the eyelids closing as soon as I’m back on the makeshift bed.

Just a bit more, whispers my mind with the voice of temptation. Just a little longer.

Chapter Text

I suppose you’d expect things to change once you start fucking someone, but they don’t really. At least not for me and Levi. We still travel together, most of the time in silence, Levi still calls me ‘Brat’ and I still curse him under my breath every so often. If it wasn’t for us having sex every so often I could make myself believe that nothing had changed at all.

The arrangement suits me. After failing to leave that first night, I’ve been carefully keeping my emotions in check. I’ve drawn a firm line between daytime and night time. The latter being the only one where I allow myself to give in to my lust for my travelling companion. If Levi has noticed or cares, he’s showed no sign of it. Which incidentally, also works perfectly fine for me. This is a no strings attached relationship and I intend to keep it that way.

Of course it’s easier said than done. I still regularly find my gaze sliding down to stare at Levi’s muscled backside, but that I suppose is an inevitable reaction. At least it’s what I tell my conscience to keep it quiet.

I resolutely tear my gaze away from Levi’s arse – which is much easier knowing I’ll have plenty of time for that and much more come evening – and trot up to his side, bending over his shoulder to take a look at the map he’s holding in front of him.

“We’ve come a long way.” I comment evaluating the remaining distance on the map. “We should be there sometime tomorrow, I guess.”

Levi gives a grunt of acknowledgment which I can’t really decipher. I can’t tell if he’s agreeing, if he’s happy or not. As he gives no further sign of impending communication, I retreat a few steps and scan our surroundings for zombies. More out of habit than anything. As I do so, I start making calculations. ‘Sometime tomorrow’ would actually be ‘sometime tomorrow afternoon’. Which means I’ll have to part ways with Levi either today or tomorrow morning. No reason to wait for the last moment and risk being shot. So, tomorrow morning. I conveniently ignore the little voice telling me I don’t want to leave today because I’m hoping for a last night with the handsome Dove.

To distract myself from my thoughts, I take out my gun and start checking it’s charged, clean, usable, etc. As I’m handling the gun distractedly, a sudden sense of foreboding washes over me. I whip my head up, training my eyes on the far away horizon. Nothing. I turn around. The same holds true in every direction. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“What’s up brat?” questions Levi who has looked up to stare at me weirdly.

“Nothing.” I answer mechanically, eyes still searching suspiciously in the distance. “It’s nothing.”

The bad feeling is still there when we set off again. It comes to pinch my guts every so often as if to warn me of a danger but when I look around there’s nothing. Nothing but the deserted road and the wreckage that was once the countryside.

I can see Levi sneaking glances at me every so often and I know I’m fidgeting, but I can’t seem to stop my paranoia. A gut-wrenching instinct is telling me that there’s something there I ought to notice. But the more I look, the less I can see it.

In front of me Levi stops and turns to face me.

“Eren, what the fuck is going on with you?” he asks looking at me with eyes that say he’s expecting an answer pronto.

I open my mouth but before I can formulate an appropriate answer I hear it. A piercing sound so high-pitched that it’s more a case of my ears ringing because of it, rather than actually hearing it. The screech makes my blood freeze in my veins and my eyes widen. Nothing. There’s nothing. It’s like everything is in slow motion as realization dawns on me. The animals fled. And if I hadn’t been so thick-skinned I would have done the same a long time ago.

“Eren?”

Levi must have seen the horror on my expression because he sounds unusually concerned. I stare at him realizing suddenly that he has no idea of what’s happening. What’s coming our way, faster than a swarm or Lurkers.

The screech comes again, much stronger. It’s getting nearer.

“Run.” I choke.

“What?”

Gone is the poker face. At any other time, I would have marvelled over the fact that Levi actually looks lost. THE Levi looking LOST. It has to be a first in the history of humanity. But right now, all my thoughts are occupied by the screech and everything it entails.

“We have to run.” I repeat, grabbing his hand in my impatience.

“What? WHY?!” he asks bewildered, but even as he frowns his body turns and he starts to run right beside me.

Even when he has no clue what I’m on about, he still trusts me to make the right decision. This realization warms my heart pleasantly, though only for a moment as the anxiety soon washes it away.

“It’s coming.” I tell him as we race side by side.

“What is coming?” he asks panting slightly

I grit my teeth and turn to look behind us. My eyes fix themselves on a looming shadow in the distance, racing towards us at an insane speed.

“Titan.”

Levi looks bewildered but I’m not paying him attention. My eyes are drawn to the creature running behind us. Titans are essentially zombies. Just like Walkers and Lurkers they are the fruit of the virus, a dead human turned into something else. The difference is that Titans are taller, faster, uglier and much, much deadlier than other zombies. It’s also so rare that it isn’t much more than a whispered legend amongst those who spend their lives in the wilderness. Some think it’s just another one of those horror stories that keep you up at night and make you jump at every little noise. But I know better.

I’ve heard that screech before. Once when I was a child, Mikasa and I heard it, next thing we knew that huge skinless zombie was chasing us and Hannes. Two things saved us that day: Hannes’ car and sundown. Without the car the monster would have caught us as easily as if he had been picking fruits from a bush. Without sundown he would have caught up to us anyway. That day I learned two things about Titans: one, they emit a screech than Hannes couldn’t hear and two, they dislike darkness to the point that they will flee when night falls.

After that day, Hannes started calling them ‘Banshees’. ‘When you hear it screech, you die soon after’. Fitting. A Runner I once met called them the ‘swift death’. He used to tell us of one his mates who had been eaten by one with a haunted look in his eye. They had never heard it coming. It had come out of nowhere, with the speed of the wind and lunged at his friend. Poor sod never knew how he had even made it out alive. Well, if you could call it that.

For me, they were Titans. Until a few days ago, they were the only thing I feared.

Not anymore, I thought looking at Levi.

We ran as if the Devil himself was chasing us. In fact, I thought with a wry grin, it wasn’t so far from the truth.

The Titan screeched again and I winced from the painful ear-piercing ringing it caused. I didn’t let myself falter though and kept running. Luck seemed to be on our side today as we hadn’t been too far from a small town. I could have cheered but all I did was run faster towards one of the bigger houses, praying to whichever lazy bastard up there that was listening that the place had a cellar. I barged into the house, looking around frantically. Years of entering foreign houses and exploring enabled me to find the cellar door fairly quickly. As I swung the door open, I heard the Titan crash past the front door. Losing no more time I pushed Levi down the stairs, banging the door behind me before following him underground.

“It won’t come here.” I told the man, panting slightly.

For a long moment I could hear nothing but his harsh breathing.

“What the fuck is that thing?” he asked at last, having seemingly recovered some of his usual composure.

“Titans. Banshees. Swift death.” I shrugged, even though he couldn’t see me. “Everybody gives them a different name.”

Silence.

“Okay. I can buy that. But what are they?” pressed Levi harshly.

It was my turn to fall silent. How was I to explain something I didn’t understand myself?

“As far as I know they’re only advanced zombies. So far I’ve only encountered two. Both times they looked like they had no skin and they were taller than your average zombie.” I paused. “They’re faster as well. Deadlier. Mostly silent. You won’t hear them coming unless you can hear their screech. I’ve been able to since I was a child but I know some people can’t hear it. Hannes couldn’t.”

A loud banging rattled the door. At least we knew the fucker was at the door.

“I didn’t hear it.” whispered Levi and I knew he was referring to the screech.

Another violent bang nearly tore the door off its hinges.

I could see faintly as Levi jerked backwards. Even with my eyes used to the darkness I couldn’t make out his expression but I could guess it was frightened. Only fools were not scared of Titans.

“What are we waiting for?” he asked tensely and I could sense the distrust in his words.

“He won’t come in here.” I repeated.

“How do you know?”

“They’re scared of the dark. He won’t come where there is no light.”

There was another long silence during which we could hear the thing scratching at the door like a dog. It almost made me believe it was a dog. As a newbie I could have made the mistake but I had learnt better. Animals could hear the screech and fled as soon as they heard it. That was perhaps the only sign of a Titan attack which you could see even if you couldn’t hear the screech: there would be no animals around you.

“How come I’ve never heard of them before?” asked Levi.

I jumped a little at how close he was. I had been so concentrated on the door that I hadn’t seen him move to stand next to me.

“They’re rare. I’ve lived eleven years out there and I’ve only encountered two. That tells you how few they are. For all I know, it could even be the same one I saw as a child.”

I strained my hearing trying to detect a sound that would betray the Titan’s location but there was nothing.

“I doubt citizens have encountered them before. Or if they have, they’re dead. I’m one of the few who’ve seen one and survived it.”

“Reassuring.” Levi bit out silently.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, I found myself grinning.

“Yeah, well. As long as you can escape until night time, you’re safe. They flee as soon as the sky starts darkening.”

“Well, that’s fucking great isn’t it?” seethes Levi. “Only its morning right now, so we’ll have to wait patiently won’t we?”

His words are dripping with sarcasm and I find myself feeling glad that Levi is back to normal.

“Good point.” I say simply because my ears have picked a faint noise and all my senses are on high alert.

I wait with baited breath for another noise and it comes much louder than I expected. The banging is even louder than it was on the door and the whole ceiling shakes from it, sending dust and bits of plaster down on us.

“Oh great.” Levi huffs. “Now, he’s trying to destroy the ceiling.”

I breathe in harshly. Note to self: Titans are smart.

When the Titan stomps on the floor above us for the second time I start moving. I start looking around frantically for something, anything that could help us. I don’t have much time to think of something and I don’t bother being careful as I move things around. If the Titan breaks through the ceiling light will flood the cellar and what was our safe house will become the prison in which we are slaughtered. Not something I’m looking forward to. I grab a blanket covering what I assume is some sort of furniture and throw it to the side. My eyes as I take in my discovery and slowly my lips break into a grin.

“Hey Levi.” I say. “There’s a plank of wood lying around, put that on the stairs and get ready to open the door.”

He only hesitates for an instant and as he starts moving according to my instructions, I employ myself to make the motorbike usable. A few minutes later, I’m ready to go. I look up at Levi whose waiting by the door.

“As soon as I’m out, shut the door.” I tell him. “Stay in there until you’re absolutely sure the Titan is gone. If you can, stay until it’s dark outside and travel at night.”

He’s staring at me, making no sign to acknowledge he’s heard me. I know by the way he’s looking at me that he understands what I’m planning.

As we stare at each other I feel my heart squeeze painfully. This is it. This is my escape. I take in a deep breath about to say something but I’m stopped by a pair of dry lips on mine. The kiss lasts for the briefest of moments and in no time Levi is back next to the door avoiding my gaze.

The ceiling shakes with another of the Titan’s stomps and I shout ‘now’, the bike’s engine roaring to life. The door opens before me and I fly past it, making a sharp turn as I emerge in the light, passing by the room the Titan is in and rushing out. It has seen me. I can feel its eyes following me and a second later it’s screeching and I know I’ve won. The chase has started.

I don’t slow down once I reach the street, I push the bike on making the engine roar as I speed through the empty streets a Titan hot on my heels.

I don’t look back at the ghost town I’m leaving behind me. I don’t think about the man I’m leaving in that cellar or the pleasurable nights we spent together. The only thought that lingers is the feeling of chapped lips against my own and that perhaps it’s already too late to escape.

***

I make it somehow. Pushing the motorbike to its speed limits while making wild turns to throw the thing off worked. I’m still not sure how. All I know is that the sky is pitch black freckled with stars and I’m under it. Alive and safe. For now anyway.

The night is almost too quiet after a whole day of hearing that ear-piercing scream behind me, distance varying in-between screeches. But it’s silent now. More so than it has been around me in months. I realize as I trudge along the road – motorbike abandoned – that I’ve gotten used to company. I’ve gotten used to that naked warmth against me at night, the cocky smirk Levi would send to me after he uttered something insulting, even the ‘brats’ he constantly sent my way have wormed themselves into my heart. I sigh and drop my gaze to my hands. I’m still wearing the wrist protectors Levi gave me when I met him. It was the first time anyone gave me something while still alive – and let’s face it when they’re dead I just take the stuff, they don’t give it to me. He was the first person I met who could fight as well as I could. The first to travel with me for so long. The first I slept with too. A lot of firsts.

And he’ll be the last. That’s what I firmly tell myself as I pick up my pace, eyes burying in the darkness ahead of me. That feeling of being choked, the way my heart is clenching painfully right now, it’s all a mistake. A mistake I can’t erase. But I can make sure it will never happen again and I will.

You wouldn’t be saying that if Levi was with you right now, whispers my traitorous mind.

Shut up I tell it. Just shut the fuck up. Because I can’t deal with this shit right now. Levi’s gone. I left him as I should have weeks ago. Now it’s done. I’m probably never going to see him again and I’m just gonna have to go back to my old routine of surviving the day. I’ll spend my next four years of life, living the same old way and then I’ll die quietly in some corner of the country. A good life if I’ve ever heard of one!

Right. Who am I kidding?

I find myself a nice rock to sleep on and tell myself to push it all away. Tomorrow, I’ll open my eyes and Levi will have transformed into a memory I can look back fondly on. I’ll be able to tell myself jokingly ‘never got that last night in the end, ey!’, look at my wrist protectors and smile at this dream come true. I’ve always been good at doing that. That and forgetting.

***

When I wake up the next morning I forget to check if I’ve successfully hypnotized myself because I’m busy being paranoid. The sense of security brought by nightfall is gone as surely as the sky is tainted red by the sunrise. I keep my ears open and walk briskly along the road, shoulders tense and eyes scanning my surroundings as if I expect a Titan to jump on me at any given time. Because that’s actually what I’m afraid of.

Titans. I don’t know how tenacious they are. Hell, I don’t even think I know how far it went when it ran away last night. How am I supposed to know? The people who are most likely to conduct researches on them are apparently not even aware they exist. Well, they are now. I’m sure Levi – if he survived – will tell his Survey Corp buddies about Titans, give them a rockin’ name and start hunting them down to analyse their body tissues. Or maybe just hunt them down to kill them until they’ve gone extinct.

Whichever one I’d be happy with the results. A wise man, whose name and identity I’ve completely forgotten, once said that in a war your deadliest weapon is information. I don’t know if it would save me to know the biology of a Titan – or if it would just confirm my doom – but at this point I would take anything I was given.

Either way, getting to Stohess comes first. I told myself I’d hang out at their outside settlement for a while and I intend to do just that. For as long as they’ll let me, which might be long enough if they don’t find out I’m a suvvie. The fact that they think we’re all dead will most likely work in my favour. I’m sixteen now, it won’t seem too weird for me to be travelling around on my own. I can just cook up a nice little story about my last remaining family member having decided to become a Runner when I was young, me being left behind in Random City A. I could always go for the tear jerker and say I was trying to find them.

The only thing that could go wrong is Nac. I know the Doves he went with were going to Stohess. Is he still there now? No idea. Even if he is, there’s no guarantee that I’ll see him. I’m praying I won’t. Partly because he knows I’m a suvvie – at least he should have an inkling – and partly because I expect he’ll punch me in the nose when he sees me again. We didn’t part on the best of terms. I guess you wouldn’t be feeling particularly friendly with a person who just shot your best mate. Even if said best mate was a zombie.

I guess, I’ll just have to hope for the best.

Chapter Text

Nac doesn’t punch me in the face. Which I find quite miraculous myself. In fact, he demonstrates none of the hostility I expected. We even exchange a few words. I tell him I’ve been travelling around with someone for a while. I don’t mention who or for how long. He tells me he’s become a Dove. I congratulate him and ask if he’s told anyone about me. He assures me that he hasn’t, promises he won’t and takes his leave because he has work he needs to get back to.

And that’s that. End of the story. Thanks for dropping by.

That happened on the second day I spent in the Stohess Settlement and after that I become too tense to enjoy the peace and quiet. Even though Nac said he wouldn’t breathe a word about my situation, my best buddy, Paranoia, keeps whispering worst-case scenarios in my ear every time I spot a soldier. And considering I’m in a zone protected by the army I see quite a lot of soldiers.

By the fourth day, I decide that enough is enough and I leave the Settlement. Hit the road.

It’s been about five months since then. Life has been peaceful. Or, you know, as peaceful as it ever gets with zombies running around the place. There has been no sign of Titans and I’m grateful for that. I’ve still got about three years and a half before I theoretically kick the bucket and I’d like to keep going until then. Needless to say, running into a Titan would put my hopes into jeopardy.

At the very least, I’m weeks away from where I last met one so I should be relatively safe where I am. ‘Where I am’ is not so far from a city called Nedlay which belongs to the Military Police. Now that I think about it, it isn’t very far from the place where Hannes and Mikasa died. Six years already. Time sure flies when you’re having fun. Or, you know, not.

I sigh louder than I need to, enjoying the little bit of noise in the silent environment. Life’s gotten lonely again and I can’t say I’m happy with the situation. Although I’ve gotten back into my old routine for the most part I still find myself thinking back to my time with Levi. To how warm it was at night and to how I never got bored. Or how I could talk and have someone answer. Little things. But in this vast expanse of emptiness even a little thing will fill up your space, change your world.

I get back on my feet and stretch, deeming my break over. I’ve been walking for several hours but it’s nowhere near dusk yet and I’d like to cover some more ground before I stop. There’s not much else to do aside from walking anyway.

My current destination is a weapon factory – abandoned obviously – West of Nedlay. I’ve been told it’s still full of badass guns and stuff and I’ve been eager to find out for myself if the rumour is true. I could do with some new equipment. I did get my hands on a pretty neat machete recently, which I have proudly attached to the back of my chest-piece, but a blade isn’t quite as good as a gun against zombies.

I’m also crossing fingers for some explosives. I really want to try blowing up zombies.

***

They don’t have any explosives and I’m completely disgusted with life in general. Well, not really. The factory abounds with guns and rifles of all kinds, so that sort of makes up for it I guess.

When I arrived, I realized that it must be used as a storehouse by the army. It was completely barricaded, so once inside there’s no danger of being suddenly attacked, and I found entire crates of ammunition which I doubt were there originally. Of course, I gladly dug in.

I don’t consider it theft because, one, if you leave something out in the wild its finders keepers and two, since it’s the army that threw me and my suvvie colleagues out in the cold I consider it fair that they should provide our equipment. Even if they haven’t actually agreed to it.

It probably doesn’t matter anyway because I doubt they would notice. I’m pretty sure the factory is an open bar for all the soldiers passing by. I’d be surprised if they kept track of who took what.

My scavenging is interrupted by the sounds of approaching voices and footsteps. I momentarily freeze before remembering that I have every right to be in here and that soldiers – if that’s what they are – are unlikely to shoot someone on sight outside of the cities, even if said someone is a suvvie like myself. Not that they would know. It’s not like I have ‘suvvie’ written on my forehead.

After debating shortly with myself on whether or not I should show myself I decide to walk up to meet them. I follow the sound of their voices and up in an aisle perpendicular to the one they’re walking in. They don’t see me at first and I take the opportunity to study them.

I count ten of them. Four are adults, the rest are teenagers. The adults are wearing the Survey Corp uniform, a brown jacket with a pair of overlapping wings on the back but the younger ones have no distinctive attire. I wonder if they’re being moved from one city to another? Is that even a thing?

I decide to follow them discreetly in order to observe them some more before I decide whether or not I’ll go make friends with them.

They eventually stop in front of a crate of rifles and a tall blonde man with a ponytail starts rummaging in it while the only woman amongst the adults turns to the teenagers.

“Who needs to change their weapon?” she asks, eliciting raised hands. “Jean, Reiner and Sasha. So three, maybe a lighter one for Sasha if you can find one.” she continues, addressing the rummaging man.

I glance at the teenagers who raised their hands. I don’t know who Jean and Reiner are respectively but one is a burly blonde who looks like he’s been carved out of stone, while the other is built more like I am, average height and lean body. Sasha is a girl with dark brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. She’s standing next to a short bald guy and keeps rubbing her stomach for some reason.

“Oy Petra! Do you need ammunition?” a guy calls from where he and his fellow soldier are looking through another crate.

His haircut reminds him of Levi, except his hair is light brown and it looks horrible on him. What? No, of course I’m not biased. I’m just calling it as I’m seeing it.

The red-haired woman turns towards them and gives a favourable reply before she returns to suiting up the younger members of the group.

They look harmless enough, if you can call four Doves harmless. The funny thing is, the most threatening-looking people of the group aren’t the soldiers. If I had to be weary of someone it would be the burly blonde – Jean or Reiner, whoever he is – and the short blonde girl standing by his side. Similarly to Sasha, her hair is tied up, although hers is gathered in a bun. She’s wearing a grim expression, icy blue eyes looking straight ahead of her.

The scene is quite amusing as a huge guy who looks as harmless as a new born puppy is standing on her other side. They look like their personalities have been exchanged. I can’t help but grin at the thought and decide in the same moment that I might as well go and introduce myself.

I leave my little corner of darkness and move forward. I’m not being especially careful but none of them seem to notice me until I clear my throat.

Almost all the teenagers jump at the sudden noise and that Petra woman startles as well before turning towards me with a look of surprise.

“Hi.” I say grinning, a shining example of friendliness.

The scary-looking blonde girl immediately points her gun at me.

I put my hands up in the air, my smile never faltering.

“Chill, girl. If I wanted to kill the lot of you I wouldn’t have come out to introduce myself.” I tell her reasonably.

She doesn’t budge. I sigh. Is this perhaps going to be a pain the ass?

“You haven’t introduced yourself though.” the girl called Sasha comments on the side.

She’s looking at me curiously, no sign of fear on her expression.

“I’m Eren. You’re Sasha right?”

She nods. I turn to the blonde harpy who is still pointing her gun at me.

“And you’re…?”

“Annie.” she bites out after a long moment.

“Cool. Can you like drop the gun? I’d like to speak with the Doves.”

Shiny smile.

I don’t actually have anything to say to the Doves but when faced with a rowdy child, go to the adult in charge. I’m pretty sure that’s in a manual somewhere.

“Do what he says Leonhardt.” the guy who’s been rummaging says, walking over to me and extending his hand, never turning around to see if Annie obeyed. “I’m Erd Jinn.”

I shake his hand, then turn to the three other soldiers who have gathered behind Erd, quirking an eyebrow as I wait for them to introduce themselves.

“I’m Petra.” the woman says before pointing to the guy with the ugly haircut and a guy with dark hair. “This is Oluo, and he’s Gunther.”

I nod.

“Nice to meet you then.” I say with a smile which Petra returns enthusiastically.

This seems to be the signal she was waiting for to release the flood of questions she is burning to ask.

“Are you travelling alone? Where are you going? Did you come here for weapons?”

I laugh. I’ve missed this, I realize. Interacting with other human beings, preferably human beings who don’t point a gun at you. Yes, I am thinking of someone in particular.

“Yes. I haven’t decided. And yes again.” I tell her, still chuckling. “I was hoping I’d find explosives actually. But I didn’t find any.”

“Explosives?”

I nod fervently.

“What do you need explosives for?” Sasha pipes up.

I grin at her.

“To blow up zombies of course.” I chirp happily. “Just imagine the damage you can deal like that. You can send dozens flying at the same time!”

I can tell they don’t get it by their faces, ranging from amused to completely weirded out. The latter being the expression of the teenager with the lean build. Now that I see him more clearly, I find that his face is really long, kinda like a horse.

There’s a moment of silence, during which I’m left to stand awkwardly at ten pairs of eyes stare at me. I end up clearing my throat in mild embarrassment.

“Ahem, so where are you people headed anyway?”

“We’re on our way to Karanese.” Erd says after a moment of silence, probably pondering on whether I represent a threat or not.

He jerks his chin towards the group of teenagers. “They’ve just joined the Corp so we’re escorting them to our headquarters.”

“Oh, so you’re baby-sitting. Sounds tough.”

The horse-face dude is making an ugly expression at me. I sneer at him causing his scowl to deepen. He seems like a guy whose fun to mess with.

“Did you say you had no destination in mind?” Erd continues politely, effectively stopping the brewing altercation between me and horse-face.

“Yeah. This place was my destination up ‘til I got here. Haven’t really thought about the next one though. Although I guess I might tag along with you guys for a little bit. If you don’t mind.” I grin. “It’s been a while since I met anyone out there. Gets lonely you know.”

The four soldiers exchange looks, which I interpret as them trying to decide whether or not they ‘mind’. Taking their hesitant expressions, I decide to demonstrate some generosity.

“Well, I’ll guess I’ll hang around the place while you decide. If you decide to let me come with you, I’ll be in the back.”

I give them a small wave and walk away.

I go all the way to the back where I browse the rows of guns. As I’m looking, occasionally picking one up to test the weight, I feel a cold breeze blow down my neck making me shiver. It’s been getting colder lately. Which is normal I guess, since it’s going to be winter soon. And seeing as the temperature is only going to go down from here on out, I really ought to get clothing more fitted to cold temperatures.

It’s a pity I just ruined my hoodie a few days ago. I could have done with its warmth right now. I repress another shiver and rub my hands over my upper arms in an attempt to warm myself. Thinking about it, if this is a storehouse there should be clothing somewhere right? My eyes light up with hope and I lose no time in turning the place upside down to find the clothes stash. There has to be one. I refuse to believe there isn’t. Mainly because if there isn’t one I’m going to be freezing my ass for a while and that’s not an acceptable option.

My search brings me near the place I left the Doves and co. at. It makes me wonder if they’ve left already. It wouldn’t be much of a stretch. It has been at least an hour. Maybe they decided they didn’t want me and left. It would be a pity because I could do with a little help with finding those clothes. Surely Doves would know where those things are. Maybe there’s a pattern to how storehouses are arranged.

“Ah, Eren!”

Petra trots up to me and I notice that the rest of the group is sitting around a little distance away. They seem to have arranged a sort of camping place and the three male soldiers appear to have been bending over a map before I appeared but are now looking at me curiously.

“Hey, Petra. How’s it going?”

She giggles.

“Fine. And you?”

“I’m looking for clothes. I’m in dire need of something warm.”

“Oh, I know where that is!” she exclaims happily. “I’ll take you there. Just wait a second.”

I watch her run back to the group and exchanged a few words with Erd in bemusement. Petra sure is friendly. After Levi, she’s a breath of fresh air.

“Alright, let’s go.” she says passing by me and leading me further into the old factory.

We walk in comfortable silence for a while.

“So, how long have you been a Runner?” Petra asks eventually.

I snort inwardly. Of course she would think that I’m a Runner. I did say I was travelling on my own, with no destination in mind. Since apparently suvvies are extinct, I guess me being a Runner is the logical thing to think.

“Oh well, a few years I guess.” I tell her deciding to play along.

It might be best to let them believe I am indeed a Runner. Just in case they have something against suvvies that I don’t won’t to find out about.

“Did you start alone or…?”

“Oh no, at first I was with my uncle and my sister but they died a while back.”

“It must have been hard.”

I shrug. Not really.

When people say stuff like that it occurs to me that I might be a bit messed up in the head. From having seen Nac in that sort of situation I can tell most citizens would have a hard time shooting a friend, or worse, a family member. The fact that they’re flesh-eating walking corpses is apparently irrelevant. Go figure.

Anyway, the point is, it’s supposed to be hard. Personally, I never hesitated when putting a bullet in Mikasa’s brain and I never dwelt on it once the deed done. Why? Cause she was a zombie duh. I mean, of course, I took the loss hard. She was my sister and I loved her. But as far as I’m concerned, she was dead before I shot her. I consider it a service to her that I shot her infected self. I’m sure she wouldn’t have been able to rest in peace if I hadn’t done that.

“Here we are.” Petra announces flinging open the door to what must have been an office once upon a time.

We make our way inside and she switches on a flashlight I didn’t even know she had. Now that’s some high-tech equipment. It might not seem like it, but anything that works with electricity is a big deal. I personally wouldn’t even dream of having a flashlight. They’re kind of like transports, if you find one you can use it until it dies out but after that it’s just a useless piece of junk unless you can find batteries. Needless to say, you’d have to go to town to find some and that’s not something I can do. I don’t really need to anyway, if it’s me, I’ll just light a fire and assemble a torch the old-fashioned way.

“Let’s see. I think that’s the warmer clothes.” Petra murmurs, moving towards a rack. “What’s your size?”

“M.”

She hums as she flips through the coats and jackets.

“Maybe this one?” she says taking one out of the lot. “Try it on.”

She hands it to me and I look it over. It’s a dark green jacket with a collar that reaches up to the chin if it’s zipped all the way up. There’s a black hood attached and it even looks waterproof.

I slip it on and stretch my arms to test the length. I stretch a bit more to check the tightness. Perfect fit I decide.

“Yep, that’s good. Thanks Petra.”

“Oh sure. You want anything else while we’re here?” she asks.

I shake my head. I picked up clothes recently so most of my stuff is brand new. I took that poor hoodie at the same time but it was short-lived.

I dig my hands in the jacket’s pockets and follow Petra out of the storage room.

I wonder what time it is now. It was already well into the afternoon when I arrived and I’ve been here a while so it should be around nightfall now.

“Guess, I should set up camp.” I think aloud, forgetting for a moment that I’m not alone.

I’m reminded of Petra’s presence when her voice rises behind me.

“You could camp with us tonight. I don’t know what they’ve decided about you, but either way I’m sure it’ll be fine if you stay the night.”

I hesitate. I don’t really want to be seen as the guy who mooches off people he’s only just met but at the same time being antisocial won’t help my case.

“Sure, thanks.” I end up accepting, telling myself that I can eat my own food, then I’ll just be sharing space with them and not actually taking anything from them.

On the way back I pick up a rifle, a handgun and several boxes of ammunition. With that I’ll be all set to leave tomorrow, whether it’s alone or with the company.

Chapter Text

I feel like in just a few hours I managed to get a pretty clear idea of what type of people the group is. It goes like this: Sasha is a glutton, Connie is a fun idiot, Jean is a bastard, Annie is freezing cold, Reiner is macho, Bert is kinda shy, Erd is much too serious to be good for his health, Oluo is gonna die of tongue-bite one of these days, Gunther is pretty fucking discreet and Petra is a godamn angel. You’ll note that I’ve gotten to know the adults better than the teens. Seems like the young’uns have their little groups already. Or rather, Sasha and Connie spend their whole time being stupid together, the cold trio is silent and I don’t wanna spend time with Jean cause he’s a git.

Petulant? I’m not fucking petulant.

Anyway, I suppose it’s obvious by now, but I’m travelling with the group. Have been for a few hours. After spending a cosy evening with the group and chatting up Erd and Petra, it was decided that I would be allowed to stick around for a while. I did tell them I wouldn’t go as far as Karanese. Of course, I didn’t tell them why, I didn’t want to go. I think Petra was a little disappointed that I would leave them partway, but that’s life isn’t it?

As one could expect, travelling with such a large group slows down things immensely. While I thought it would only take two days at most to complete the first part of the planned route and reach the next supply spot, with the current pace I’m start to rethink my initial assumptions. To be honest, at this rate we’re looking at four to five days.

I glance over my shoulder at the line of men and women walking behind me, with just a little bit of irritation. They all look to be in good condition and I can’t say any of them are trailing behind, so why on earth aren’t we getting anywhere? The more I think about it the worse my mood gets so I eventually decide to turn my thoughts elsewhere and am greatly helped in doing so by Sasha.

“Hey Eren!” she yells from the back of the line where she’s been walking with Connie.

I turn to look at her. She’s jogging past those who were walking in front of her, quickly moving up the line to join me, Connie in tow. I follow their progress curiously, especially intrigued by the panicked red-faced look on Connie’s face.

“Sup Sash?” I ask when she eventually stops next to me.

The girl grins up at me like the little ball of wild energy she is.

“Hey, Connie says Runners never bathe. Is it true?” the girl asks, the very picture of innocent curiosity.

I snort at her question and again when I see Connie who has now turned into a tomato.

“Well, I suppose out here we don’t bathe as often as you people do. Although most of them try to do so regularly.” I tell her, indulging her with barely veiled amusement.

“Then what do you do about haircuts?”

“I cut them myself. With my knife.”

“And clothes?”

“Shops.”

And this goes on for hours on end, Sasha seemingly unstoppable. I don’t know how she can have so many questions and I’m not entirely sure she’ll remember all the answers I’m giving her. Especially considering she’s shooting one after the other, barely taking time to listen to my words. I just hope she’s not going to be doing this everyday….Or alas, Sasha, your endless enthusiasm may very well kill me before hunger does!

Thankfully, lunch break distracts her from asking questions and I’m given some well-deserved peace and quiet while she munches on her bread. I chat amicably with Petra for a few minutes before Erd steals her attention with a question on water supplies. Left to my own devices, I decide to take myself a little distance away with my map and sit my ass on some stony structure passing by. I unfold my partner of many years, pinpointing my current location without effort.

It seems there has been little progress in terms of distance since we left. If I had been on my own I would have walked twice as far by now.

“Hey, Eren!”

My peace was short-lived. For indeed, Sasha has finished chowing down the food supplies and is now running towards me with her unwavering toothy grin and her trusty sidekick trailing behind her. Poor Connie, I think charitably before giving Sasha my full attention.

“Hey, where are we right now?” she asks me peeking at the map sitting in my lap.

I put my finger down on the spot.

“How can you know?” she asks squinting at the map as if she might get a better idea of what it represents that way.

“It’s thanks to this.” I tell her pointing to a landmark.

“The Old Well.” she reads. “I can’t see that anywhere though.”

It’s almost comical how she looks around, eyes wide, searching for the designated landmark. I stifle a laugh as I tell her:

“I’m sitting on it.”

I can literally see the realization on her face as she fixes her gaze on my impromptu bench.

“Not much of a well.” Connie comments looking at the semi-circular ruin of a stone wall.

“It’s old.” I say laconically.

He mutters something under his breath which I don’t hear. Clearly, Sasha does because she immediately engages in a lecture on whatever it is offended her. I look at her with slight bemusement and great boredom, not bothering to listen to her rant.

“If she annoys you can tell her to bugger off you know?” a monotonous voice tells me from my other side.

I look up, squinting due to the blinding sunlight.

“Hey, Annie.” I say evenly, smiling at the blonde girl.

“If you don’t she’s just going to keep going.” Annie carries on, without bothering to acknowledge my greeting.

I stare at her contemplatively for a few minutes.

“Is that what you did? Tell her to bugger off?” I ask eventually, a smile playing on my lips.

Her features harden at once. ‘So what?’ her flashing eyes seem to be saying with all the defiance a human being can possibly muster.

I huff. As expected, uh.

“She’s not really bothering me. I don’t get much company usually, so this is pretty refreshing for me. Believe it or not.” I continue casually, my gaze travelling back to Sasha who is now arguing noisily with Connie.

From where I’m sitting they look like kindergarten playmates. Cute.

“Why are you telling me this anyway?” I ask Annie after a long moment, glancing up at her out of the corner of my eye. “I though you didn’t like me?”

Her icy blue eyes bore holes into me and I’m suddenly not smiling anymore. I feel like we’ve somehow shifted from engaging in casual chit-chat to challenging each other, looking each other in the eye with an animalistic impulse to make the other submit.

It’s Annie who looks away first. She just turns on her heels and walks away, as silently and stiffly as she came.

Weird, I think, watching her join the rest of the ice-cold threesome. Shrugging off the issue, I apply myself to folding my map in a compact rectangular shape which I then put away in my coat pocket. I kid you not when I say the thing is deep enough to put my entire life into it! I’m seriously starting to love this coat. Not to mention green is totally my colour. Or not I guess, since my eyes have been completely golden for a while now. Although I guess that doesn’t mean I can’t like it.

I push myself up a second before Erd rallies everyone up in order to continue with our journey.

***

Perhaps ten people is too much for me to handle these days because I weary out of their company far quicker than I thought I would. It’s not that I don’t like them. I think they’re brilliant – at least half of them are – and I love them to bits. But I do tire out of being constantly surrounded without any possibility of one just one minute on my own.

With two or three people it’s easy to get some privacy. In fact, you’re bound to find yourself on your own at some point whether it’s while setting camp, or going on rounds. Even night watch qualifies as alone time, a welcome one if anyone’s to ask me.

But when there’s eleven of you in total, you’re never alone. Not for one second. Especially when Eld is in the lead. The man is completely paranoid, which I respect to a certain extent. Clearly not to the extent where everything has to be done in groups, or pairs if you can’t manage bigger. It’s infuriating, frustrating and aggravating. Plus any other word of similar meaning or feeling.

It’s horrible and after two days of it I’m seriously starting to reconsider travelling with them. It doesn’t help that Jean is constantly trying to pick a fight with me. Nor that Annie acts as if she’s in a pack of wolves and needs to challenge my authority any chance she gets. Out of the two the latter is more irritating. Jean I can ignore easily, even if his immature hostility gets old fairly quickly. Annie I can’t ignore. For one I’m much too prideful to let someone walk all over me because they think they have a right to stand on top or just because they feel like it. Secondly, I have enough experience in the matter to know that it won’t help me in the future if I don’t affirm my authority early on. She needs to understand that I have the advantage here, that she is on my home ground and that I will not allow people to fuck with me for any reason. I made the mistake of being too lenient once in the past and when the situation became dire, the person thought they knew better than I did and promptly went and got killed.

To be honest I can’t care less about those absolute fools who refuse to listen to people with more experience than them and pay the price for it, but still, if I can avoid people dying needlessly, I’ll take the opportunity. 

“What are you thinking about Eren?” Sasha questions bounding up to me.

Her insatiable curiosity fails to amuse me for once and I answer her grimly:

“About how some dogs need to be trained.”

I pronounce those words, looking straight at Annie who winces slightly, clearly understanding my meaning.

“Have you ever had a dog?” the brunette persists not detecting the venom in my words.

I look at her pensively for a moment.

“Yes. I’ve had a dog once.” I say laconically, my mind going back to younger days when I still had some innocence left in me.

“Oooh!” Sasha exclaims excitedly, completely oblivious to my mood. “What was he like?”

I sigh softly and close my eyes, summoning the memory of the creature that had once been my best friend and trusted companion.

“He was a scraggy little thing I found in the streets.” I start, thinking of the German shepherd pup. “He was completely starved and I was lonely and hungry, so I picked him up. I called him Luki. He was braver than some men I’ve known. Saved my hide more than once.”

I glance at Sasha, her eyes are sparkling innocently. She looks like a child listening to a fairy tale.

“We were inseparable. I think I half-convinced myself that he would always be at my side.”

How naïve I had been then! And I can see the same naïveté in Sasha’s delighted expression. A bitter feeling rises inside me. I know my next words will crush her but all I feel at the thought is a sort vindictive pleasure.

“One day, he was a little too brave.” I continue, eyes hardening. “He charged at a swarm, wanting to help me and he was torn apart.”

The group falls into a heavy silence. Sasha looks as if she has been struck by lightning, Connie is gaping in horror. The others avoid my gaze. I smile.

To this day, I remember the sight of Luki’s body falling, blood spilling in the air. Everything had seemed to happen slower somehow and then…Then I had charged.

I don’t remember much after that. Only that later, I was carrying his body. Great sobs wracked my body with every step I took. I’d put him down on the outskirts of a small village and started digging. I dug his grave until my hands bled. Then I lowered him into the hole and without further ceremony, finished burying him. When I turned my back on that grave, I wasn’t quite the same anymore.

If Luki had taught me one thing, it was the dangers of caring too much.

***

“DAMN IT SASHA IF YOU CAN’T SHOOT, RUN!” I scream above the fracas of gunshots and zombies moving around clumsily.

While my rifle is raised and aimed at the swarm of Walkers, finger relentlessly pulling the trigger, my eyes are darting around wildly, trying to see where the others are.

Our stop at the supply spot quickly turned into a nightmare when we were jumped by a swarm of slow dimwits with a penchant for human flesh. Just the welcome I was hoping for! Seriously.

I can see Connie shooting at zombies with the deranged fever of a madman, Jean not too far from him. While Jean looks much less frenetic, he is visibly shaken. The ice-cold trio is much further away and doing well as far as I can tell. They have the moves of people used to desperate situations, covering for each other with deadly efficiency, filling each other’s blind spots as naturally as if they had been born for that purpose.

I curse as I see Sasha trembling and teary, unable to shoot and seemingly frozen in fear. If the situation wasn’t so fucked up I would whack her on the head and tell her to get a grip. Unfortunately, I am painfully aware of how useless that would be. Unlike me, she is just a kid. They all are. What is daily life to me is a horrid nightmare to them and while some will respond by desperate fighting power like Connie, some like Sasha can only crumble under the pressure.

Cursing once more, I start running up to the terrified girl but falter as I catch sight of Petra who is struggling next to her teammates.

My eyes meet hers and in an instant of fearsome clarity I understand that I’ve got to choose. I turn away from her, intensely aware that she is going to die in the next ten seconds, because her gun is running out of ammo and the moment she stops to recharge the Walkers will jump on her. I run single-mindedly towards Sasha, ignoring the strangled cry of Gunther and the disgusting sound of teeth tearing into flesh.

I grab her hand and glance back just in time to see a zombie tearing at Petra’s throat. Her eyes are wide and terrified. I wonder if she felt betrayed, then tell myself to fuck it, because it doesn’t matter right now.

“LET’S GO!” I shout at Sasha, pulling her away from the scene of carnage.

I lead her at full speed towards Connie and Jean.

“START RUNNING!” I tell them and am grateful to see them do so without question.

The four of us sprint away, collecting the trio on our way and the lot of us are soon racing down streets, the groans of dozens of zombies following us through the silent town.

Our mad escape only stops a long while later, when I finally deem us far enough that the Walkers will have given up on the chase.

As soon as we stop, Jean is at my throat.

“What the fuck! You could have helped them!” he roars, fisting his hand in my shirt and getting into my face. “How could you just let them die?!”

My gaze is hard and my lips pressed tight. I’m on the verge of punching him and wonder if he realizes, or if he’s just too angry to care. Our noses are inches apart and his breath is hot and angry on me. I’m angry too. But my anger is a cold one, just simmering under the surface, ready to lash out as soon as Jean finally crosses the line of my patience. Luckily, Annie comes and places a hand on the lanky teen’s shoulder, prompting him to let me go. I feel my irritation receding slightly, just enough for to take control over my itching fist.

“I’m not God, I can’t save everyone.” I spit harshly. “How do you think you manage to escape, uh? It’s thanks to the time they bought us dying that we made it out!”

“The time they bought us dying.” Jean seethes and his voice is so full of venom that Reiner comes and places himself behind him, silent but threatening.

I look past Jean to give Reiner a grateful smile but freeze midway. In the next breath, my gun is in my hand and aimed at his head in. There is a shocked moment during which the group takes in the weapon, Reiner’s pale face, the bite on his leg. It’s like time has gone still. I see Jean rising to stop me. I see Annie biting her lip in an effort to stop her trembling. I see the abominable anguish on Bert’s face. I see Connie and Sasha stunned into silence.

I look into Reiner’s eyes and I know he knows. He understands. So I don’t apologize, because he deserves better than empty words. I clench my teeth and raise my chin just a little higher.

I pull the trigger.

And the world explodes into sound.

Chapter Text

It is over in a fraction of a second, but the moment seems to last an eternity. Reiner’s body is on the ground, blood pouring out of a hole on his forehead. Everyone else is frozen around me, as if I were the only living being in a garden of statues.

I resolutely march up to Reiner’s body and squat as his side in order to press my fingers to his neck, searching for a pulse. I find none. I get back up, feeling only emptiness for what I have just done. I killed an Infected. What else is there?

When I turn around, I’m met with Jean’s fist. This time, there is no Annie to stop him and the blow hits me in the cheek. I glare at him venomously, spitting blood out of my mouth.

“You damn bastard.” I growl menacingly.

He is seething. Unlike Reiner, he does not understand.

“Angry are you?” I scoff. “Angry because I killed a fucking zombie? Or did you not get the fucking note saying there is no cure for the Infection?”

I have the satisfaction of seeing a vein popping on his forehead. His ignorance annoys me. I’ve always hated people like him. Citizens who’ve been having it good all their lives and who waltz in the no man’s land acting like it’s their fucking backyard where all their neat little morals and values apply.

“He was our friend.” Sasha whispers brokenly.

I gaze at her harshly.

“That wouldn’t have mattered when he tried to eat you.” I snap at her impatiently. “I’ve seen plenty of idiots like you people who left their cocoon thinking they owned the world and got done in by their so-called ‘friends’.”

I huff.

“You all might think this a fun camping trip, but let me tell you this: out here it’s kill or be killed. Nothing else applies. If you can’t shoot your best mate in the head, then you’ve got no business leaving the cities. Out here, the only things you can and should trust are yourself and your gun. Anything or anyone else is a fucking luxury.”

My gaze sweeps over them. Jean is still glaring mutinously, but Sasha appears to have seen some sense. Connie’s face is unreadable and Annie and Bert only look resigned. I take it as a good sign.

“Now I’m feeling generous so I’m going to lay it all out for you nice and clear: option 1, you agree to shut your mouths and listen to me and I’ll take the lot of you to Karanese; option 2, you refuse, I go my own way and you die.”

I let the sentence hang over them for a moment before sweeping my gaze over the small group once again. I lift a derisive eyebrow as I see them actually hesitating. As if they actually had a bleeding chance without me. Fucking idiots.

“I’ll go with you.” a quiet voice says.

I turn, finding myself face to face with Annie. The blonde girl has stepped forward quietly and now stands before, head bowed as if in submission. Bert joins her a moment later. I nod at the both of them, a little stiffly but eyes approving. Jean rises up, mouth opening, no doubt to protest but she lifts her hand in front of her and starts speaking, voice quiet and composed:

“Eren’s right. No matter how you feel about it, he knows best around here. We won’t survive without him.”

She’s spoken her part and retreats immediately to Bert’s side. It’s enough. Sasha and Connie exchange a glance before wordlessly stepping forward. I look at Jean, who is now left alone. He glares and doesn’t seem to like it one bit but he isn’t foolish enough to try his luck on his own at least. He steps forwards reluctantly and the group is complete.

I look at them grimly.

“We’ll be moving faster, more efficiently and if anyone lags behind, I’m leaving them there. Everybody will have to pull their own weight if we want to get to Karanese.” I tell them bluntly. “Let’s go.”

***

We don’t make good time. The group is tired from running and despite my pushiness at the beginning, they reach their limits after two hours. I want to continue but know it will be impossible under the circumstances, so I organize the setting up of camp.

There hasn’t been even one complaint for now. I suspect they are under shock. Annie and Bert appear to be less affected by the loss of the Doves than the others but they have lost a close comrade and I doubt it is easy, even for them. This leads me to think of their unordinary fighting abilities. To be honest, I’m suspicious of these two. Them and Reiner seemed way too used to fights. Besides, the gap between their abilities and what I’ve observed in Jean, Connie and Sasha is too vast. So either they’ve been Running at some point in their lives or…Levi was wrong, and I’m not the last penguin on the ice.

I put aside the thought for the moment, sitting by the fire I’ve just finished lighting and take out my map. I need to re-route. While the route Erd had planned for us was good enough, we’ve gone off course by several miles in our escape and back-tracking is out of the question. We didn’t have much time to grab a lot of supplies and as things stand now, we’ve barely got enough to last three days. Somehow we need to last five days.

We’ll have to ration ourselves, I decide. If worse comes to pass, I can go without food for a while. I’m already hardened to it. The others will have to put up with smaller portions and Sasha will have to be briefed on how vital it is that our supplies last until the end of the week. I suppose I’ll have to threaten to leave her behind if she snacks behind my back. Other than that, we’ll have to push harder than we did so far. Walk faster and further every day. Nights will have to be short until we get to our next destination.

I fold my map and rise with determination. I’m going to get those kids there. Somehow, some way, I’ll do it. Even if it’s just the one, I’m going to bring them to Karanese. I’ll be damned if I let those guy’s death be in vain. 

“Eren?”

I whip my head around, locking up my mind like it’s a treasure chest I don’t want anyone else to see.

Annie is standing a few feet away, looking meeker than I’ve ever seen her around me. I suddenly feel like I’m looking at her for the first time.

“What is it?” I ask, making my tone as kind as I can.

“I wanted to say thank you.” she says quietly.

For a brief moment she meets my eyes. Then her gaze drops to her hands.

“For Reiner.” she murmurs.

Immediately after, she turns on her heels and leaves me to myself.

My eyes follow her for a while before drifting to the side and losing itself in the vast emptiness of our surroundings. I feel alone. There are five people depending on me and I’ve got only myself to trust. It’s the first time I’ve really taken charge of anyone. And the burden feels heavy. I’m confident I can take them to safety, but I wish I had someone to rely on. Someone who understands me. An equal.

That night I dream about Levi. 

It’s not a particularly exciting dream. The both of us are simply sitting side by side, watching the flickering flames of a campfire. There are no words exchanged in the dream, only the comforting presence of another body close to mine and the illusion of reality. It’s only when I open my eyes that I realize I’d been dreaming and somehow that simple realization make me feel emptier than anything that’s happened these past few days.

Maye I was only fooling myself into thinking I was fine on my own after all.

***

“I’m hungry.” Sasha moans for the third time in five minutes.

I stop, heaving a heavy sigh. The others freeze in their tracks automatically, eyes converging towards me. I turn around and fix my gaze on the brunette.

“Sasha if you don’t shut the fuck up I’m going to put a bullet in your head.” I tell her calmly.

The mismatch between the brutality of my words and the serenity of my tone causes mixed reactions. While Annie and Bert retain their attitude of ‘Eren is the alpha wolf, his word is law’, the others don’t take it so well. Jean grits his teeth like he’s just holding back from jumping at my throat. I’m glad to see he’s learnt some self-control. My gaze flickers to Connie and the fear I see in his expression pleases me. Which is disgusting, I immediately tell myself. What’s next? Collars and torture sessions?

I shrug away my self-deprecating thoughts. If I had my doubts I’m now sure: not eating for a day and a half is taking its toll on me. Luckily I have a supply spot to look forward to no later than tonight if Sasha kindly shuts her mouth and uses the excess energy to pick up her pace.

I don’t bother voicing that, I only let my gaze linger on her face a moment longer before turning on my heels and walking on. I hear the rest fall into steps behind me and whispering at the back of the line where Connie and Sasha are. By the furious hissing I can tell Connie is telling Sasha off, although I’m not sure if he’s motivated by common sense or just simply terrified that I’m going to snap and eat them. Not that it matters much I suppose, so long as Sasha shuts up.

Quite frankly, the more time I spend with them, the less I understand why they’re here. They’ve obviously been living a normal life up until now, and by ‘normal’ I mean with a wall separating them from zombies, so I can’t understand why they would want to leave that all behind to go hiking in zombie land. What I understand even less is who would let them. I mean it’s ridiculous. They’re kids with absolutely no experience of the wild and who are completely ignorant of basic survival skills, at times I have to wonder how much weapon training they’ve had before, and let’s not even talk about their physical and emotional resistance. It’s practically a joke how unsuited they are for this environment. And yet, despite that, they’re here, in the middle of nowhere, their escort gone and me as the last thing standing between them and certain death.

Now I’m not entirely heartless which is why I haven’t abandoned them. Yet. Still, I’m not a fucking charity worker. I don’t know what the people who sent them into this situation were expecting. Was this meant as some kind of death sentence? Group killing? Getting rid of idiots and disturbing characters?

“Is something the matter?” a voice asks next to me.

I glance at Annie who is walking a step behind me.

“You look troubled.” she adds as if in explanation.

I shrug.

“I’m just wondering what the hell you’re all doing here.” I say, deciding there’s no point in hiding what I think about the whole situation. “Are you actually all criminals sentenced to death? Or was your city so desperate to get rid of you that they sent you on a fool’s errand?”

My question provokes sounds of outrage in the rear. Annie for her part only looks ashamed.

“We really are on our way to join the Survey Corp.” she says quietly. “Although we got some training at the trainee camp we’ve never done anything to prepare us for survival outside the city walls. They teach what you need to know to join the Garrison or the Military Police but if you’re heading for the Survey Corp you get special training in one of their bases.”

“Couldn’t the soldiers who came to get you just train you where you were? Surely it would be more efficient to teach basic stuff before taking you anywhere. No offense but the way you guys are, you’re more liable to get an ally killed than to defeat a zombie.”

Annie sighs and shakes her head.

“I guess that would be ideal but they don’t have the staff to spare. Nobody wants to join the Survey Corp so every soldier counts.”

I snort.

“Can’t imagine why.” I say sarcastically. “Facing swarms of zombies is so much fun after all.”

Annie gives me a wry smile.

“It’s not just that.” she says. “There was a mass killing of Survey Corp members five years ago and although it hasn’t been divulged why they died, the general consensus is that it wasn’t zombies.”

“Sure wasn’t.” I agree. “Those soldiers were killed by people like me.”

Annie looks stunned by my words.

“What do you mean?” Jean asks, frowning.

I glance at him.

“Five years ago Runners and Suvvies gathered in the remains of Shiganshina. I don’t really know who was behind the gathering but we all agreed on the reason we were there: protecting our food source.”

“Your food source?” Sasha asks sounding suddenly interested by the story.

“Supermarkets.” I elaborate. “For us who survive in the wild, supermarkets are the only way for us to get food. But even supermarkets aren’t infinite. It’s not like new food appears there punctually. Our reserves are limited. From the start we all expected to die out in the span of a decade. Even so, we didn’t want to just disappear. We wanted to live for as long as we could, show those damn citizens who had shut us out that we didn’t need them to survive.”

“How is that related to the massacre?” Annie questions, confused.

There is something in her tone I can’t quite identify and I find myself staring at her. I can’t decide if she’s genuinely confused or she’s just leading me on when she knows perfectly well what happened back then. It’s odd and it only adds to the doubts I already have about her and Bertholdt.

“Is it because the Survey Corp took food in the supermarkets?” Bert asks quietly.

I nod sombrely.

“Yeah. They used to come with cars and load them with supplies and take it all back to the cities. They were starving us when they didn’t even need the food themselves.” I grit my teeth angrily at the memory. “We’re not stupid, we knew back then that food production had started up in the cities fairly early on. The food they were taking from us was just extra for them. That’s why we fought back. We made a stand and showed them we weren’t going to take it lying down.”

“Were you there?” Sasha asks in a small voice.

“That’s right.” I say, gaze hardened and expression stiff. “There was only a dozen of us against those trained soldiers. The odds weren’t in our favour but it was our survival that was being decided and they had nothing.”

“So you won?”

I snort.

“Won? We lost more than we won. Out of the dozen of those who walked out, three lived and I suspect the third of us died of his wounds soon after. The Battle of Corla increased our enmity with citizens and it was only thanks to the timely intervention of the new commander of the corps that we settled an agreement.” my gaze darkens as I remember standing over a field of corpses looking dizzily into young faces of the brave suvvies that had fought for survival and had ended up dying instead.

I grimace at the sad irony.

“Thinking about it, maybe it was the lot of us fighting back then. It’d be no wonder if that was the case that there’s so few of us left now.” I ponder aloud.

So few of us, or just me, I amend silently.

“I thought there was still quite a lot of Runners?” Sasha remarks confused.

I can almost see the moment Jean realizes.

“You’re a suvvie!” he exclaims, pointing his finger at me accusingly.

I give him an amused glance.

“Of course I am, if I wasn’t you’d all be dead by now. It’s obvious I’m not a Runner anyway. If you citizens weren’t so self-centred you’d realize that this world isn’t so easy to live in that you can just waltz out of your door one day and expect to strive. Young Runners never survive unless they have someone with them. Those who try to Run alone end up like you guys. Well, except you were lucky enough to have met me.”

Silence falls upon the group as they swallow the information and criticism alike. Satisfied with the silence, I pick up my pace. It’s not that talking about food has made me hungry but I would like to get to the supply spot before nightfall.

Chapter Text

Our fun little trip thankfully ends much earlier than planned. On the morning after we’ve reached the supply spot, a group of Doves show up. As they are both motorized and not so far from our destination I decide it’s the perfect time to pass the baton and return to my peaceful lonely life.

I therefore come down from my observation spot on some roof I found and walk back to our camping spot where the group is packing. None of them react when I return so I clear my throat to attract their attention. Instantly all eyes are on me.

“I’ve spotted some Doves.” I start. “I think it’s best if you hitch a ride with them. They’ve got a truck and we’re close enough to Karanese that whatever fuel they have should last until then.”

“You’re not coming?” Sasha asks looking a little dejected.

I give her a deadpan look.

“Of course not.” I answer. “I don’t have a death wish.”

She finally seems to remember that I am after all a suvvie. Public enemy number one and all that. She does a little ‘oh’ with her mouth before her expression shifts into one of deep thought.

“You could pretend to be a trainee like us.” she says after a bit.

I shake my head.

“Sasha, I have no intention of ever living in a city. Let alone join the Doves.”

“Why not?” Connie asks.

These two really…

I roll my eyes at him.

“Oh, I don’t know man, maybe the fact that they threw children out to the zombies a decade ago? Or maybe because they basically wiped out all the people like me a few years back?”

I shake my head some more, completely aggravated by their lack of brain cells. Then I turn towards Annie who is by far the most sensible being in this group.

“I’m counting on you to keep them in line and explain the situation to the Doves.” I say. “And if you could leave my name out of things I would be grateful.”

She nods. As expected she understands my train of thought perfectly.

“Also…” I start, before hesitating.

I wonder if I should ask to pass a message on to Levi. Not so he can find me or anything, just so he knows I’m alive.

“Also?” Annie echoes questioningly.

I shake my head. Better not.

“Nah never mind.” I say, dismissing the matter.

I walk towards my pack and pick it up, throwing it over my shoulder.

“They’re by the supermarket. You should find them easily. Don’t take too much time though or they’ll leave without you.”

I make an awkward gesture of goodbye and turn to leave but Sasha’s cry of surprise stops me in my tracks.

“You’re just leaving like that?!” she exclaims.

“Well…”

“At least say goodbye properly.” Connie adds. “Besides we should thank you for seeing us so far.”

Jean grudgingly agrees and they all surround me, each offering a farewell and a thank you. It’s a little overwhelming. I don’t think I’ve ever parted with anyone on such good terms.

“Right.” I say when they’re all done and I feel properly embarrassed. “You guys had better get going then, I’ll leave after you.”

It will at least give them the illusion that I sent them off.

Jean leaves first, soon followed by Connie and Sasha, who give me a last wave and goodbye before hurrying after Horse-Face. Bertholdt walks a few steps but stops when he notices Annie has yet to move. I give the girl an inquiring look.

“Remember Riese.” she tells me softly with a look of urgency in her eyes.

I stare at her completely bewildered but before I can ask her what on Earth she’s on about, she swiftly turns on her heel and marches off with Bert. I stare at their backs, mouth open in silent questioning.

What did she mean ‘remember Riese’? I don’t know anyone – or anything for that matter – named Riese. I assume it has some meaning. Annie isn’t the type to speak needlessly. Besides, seeing as she waited until all the others were too far away to hear, it’s probably something she would rather keep quiet. But then why tell me?

Annie and Bert. And Reiner, as well. I had thought before that there was something unusual about them, but I’d never given it that much thought. But now, I can’t help wondering. They should be about my age, which means they could have been amongst the unlucky number who found themselves at the wrong place at the wrong time. Were they suvvies? No, that was unlikely. If they were, it would mean they found a way to get into the cities without being detected. And that was not so easy.

Teenagers rarely travelled alone and when they did they either carried a letter from a figure of authority or they were part of the army in which case they had a pin badge sort of thing to show at the gates. Without either of these, entering a city when of age to be a suvvie was virtually impossible. Not to mention you risked death walking up to the gates with no proof of identity.

I can’t imagine how they would have manged to get their hands on a letter or a badge. The possibilities I could see were not especially reassuring either. Not that I could say I didn’t think them capable of it. Had it been Sasha or Connie I would have said there was no way they could have done something like killing to fake the identity of the person but it was Annie, who looked capable of anything and Bert who never said enough to figure out what he was thinking.

I shake myself out of the unpleasant thought. Well, never mind. I suppose I can look into the Riese mystery as I travel. I know a place where Runners can often be found. I guess I’ll head there and see if one of the old folk knows anything. Maybe Jerry will be there. He might even have some explosives!

***

I happily rediscover the efficiency of travelling alone. I set up my own pace, which is at least twice as fast as the group’s and there is no need to stop every so often because one or the other needs to pee, is hungry or anything really. That had been the most infuriating part of it all. With such a number there’s always something going on and as much as it had been entertaining to watch Erd deal with it all, once it had been in my hands it was much less amusing and much more frustrating. Especially when several days had passed with no sign of improvement.

I’d given up on it getting better eventually and just gritted my teeth and bore it but it was still annoying. It’s refreshing to be able to move as quickly as I want to with no one to hold me back. It’s also lonely. Not in the sense that I miss them but more that I finally realize how much time I have to think about unnecessary things now that there are no voices around me, distracting my mind.

I think about Reiner and Milius. I think about Hannes and Mikasa. Sometimes I think about Levi, and I spend several hours imagining what it would’ve been like if he had been amongst the group of Doves that took the trainees. Often I think of Riese. What does it mean? What is it? And more than anything, why has Annie told me about it?

There’s no answer to those questions on the road. I keep my moral by telling myself that there will be some in Dauper.

Dauper is a Runner village. It didn’t exist before the Outbreak. But as time went by and people started surviving outside the walls, Runners started seeing the necessity for a city of their own. A place safe enough to spend a few days exchanging news, nurse their wounds and renew old ties. The forest of giant trees had seemed as the ideal location for the village. The large trees and narrows forest trails were not ideal for zombies who moved in packs. Besides they seemed to have an aversion for the damp darkness of the forest. The reason for that is unknown but we’re not complaining. We have a place to stay and meet up, that’s all that matters.

I’m hoping to see Jerry there. Jerry is an old-timer. At least seventy and still kicking. It’s amazing how much he’s survived over the years. He even encountered the ‘Banshees’ as he calls them and survived. Devil’s own luck the man has. But he’s a nice guy. Even with all that he’s still cheerful and cracking jokes every two seconds. He’s also a great scavenger, always finds the oddest things. With that and his love for gossiping, I’m almost sure he’ll know one or two useful things. Even if he doesn’t it’s always a laugh to talk to him.

As it happens, Jerry is there. Not for long though. I arrive just as he’s leaving and I only have the time to ask him about Riese and explosives – to which he answers with no and yes respectively – before he’s on his merry way with his old dog Lincoln. Now armed with the knowledge that explosives are to be found in Ragako – allegedly where the last army-men stayed before they retreated behind the walls – I enter Dauper and seek a bed for the night. There are a dozen wooden houses in Dauper, each with four beds available. Even with so little room, the village is rarely at full capacity. Actually I’m not sure it’s ever happened.

“Oi Eren!”

I turn towards the voice and am pleased to see Honey Bee waving me over from a porch. Her name isn’t actually Honey Bee, I think’s it’s Betty or something like that, but everyone has always called her Honey because ‘she’s so sweet’ and eventually it had been elongated to Honey Bee. I walk up to the greying woman all smiles.

“Bee! How are you?” I call, excited to see her.

I haven’t seen her in so long that I thought the sixty-odd years old woman had died out there. But as I thought the tarot-enthusiast couldn’t be killed that easily.

“Oh just fine, love.” she says in her usual affectionate manner. “Looking for a place for the night?”

“Yeah.”

“I’d welcome you here but I’ve got a roommate who’s a bit touchy about sharing with the opposite gender.” she says softly with a wink.

I snort a laugh.

I’ve always loved Bee’s easy kindness and her love of living. She’s never down Bee is. Always smiling and joking, she gets along grand with Jerry.

“That’s alright.” I say. “Anywhere free, I don’t fancy sharing tonight. Just got rid of a large group, I want to enjoy the peace for a bit.”

She laughs.

“There’s always free space around here, love.” she says and points to a cabin near hers. “That one there.”

“Great, thanks. I’ll see you at dinner?”

“Of course, love.”

Dinner is a bit of a tradition in Dauper. If the weather allows we all pile around the camp fire and put our goods in common – at time those who’ve been here the longest even go hunting during the day – and we eat together. It’s a great way to gather and exchange. It’s also a relief after spending a long time alone on the road. It’s easy to belong in Dauper. There are no rules and judgement, just an easy-going atmosphere and people willing to share what they can.

As promised, the cabin is empty and probably has been for a time. I open the windows first before taking a look at the beds. No sheets, the last person to be there must have done the decent thing and cleaned the sheets before leaving. I open the cupboard and sure enough, there sheets folded in a neat pile. I find a pillow there as well. Total luxury. Last time I was there I used my backpack stuffed with clothes as a pillow.

Once I’m all settled, I set off, intending to find out who’s around. It doesn’t take long to find that out as most are already gathered in the central clearing, guffawing loudly. I notice a few familiar faces.

“Hi Gus!” I say addressing a middle-aged man who’d been friends with Hannes in the Garrison. “Pete.” I add, noticing the slightly younger man.

I nod at the others, whom I either don’t recognize or don’t know by name. There’s one other man, who’s more of a boy than a man really and two girls, one who’s young enough to be a Suvvie and another who looks to be in her twenties.

“Eren!” Gus exclaims. “Haven’t seen you in ages! What’s been up?”

“Oh loads of things.” I answer evasively, I don’t really want to mention Levi. “Been travelling around with several groups.”

“Right, right.” says the man waving me closer to place an arm around my shoulders. “Haven’t met these guys have you?” he says motioning to the three new faces.

“No.” I confirm.

“Little man’s Falco. He and the girl Ellie they’re little suvvies like you.”

I just nod, I kind of expected it what’s with their ages. I am a little surprised because I honestly didn’t know there were more left than just me but it’s nothing compared to the shock on their faces.

“You’re a suvvie?” Ellie blurts out. “But you’re…”

I never find out what she wanted to say because Falco elbows her in the ribs and her mouth shuts with a click.

“I didn’t know there were any left.” Falco said instead.

It sounded odd but I didn’t comment.

“Me neither.” I say and turn towards the older woman.

I wonder if she’s Honey’s fussy roommate.

“Eren.” I say to her.

“Pieck.” she answers and that’s that.

We keep talking until it’s time for dinner and all the while I keep an eye on the two teenagers. I’d bet an arm those two know something I don’t. They keep exchanging meaningful looks and giving me odd stares, like they can’t quite make out how I’m actually alive right now. That doesn’t make much sense considering they should be in the same situation as me. So either they’re lying about being suvvies – I can’t imagine why they would do that though – or they have knowledge that escapes me.

Not for long, I tell myself. I swear I’ll find out what’s going on before the night’s over.

Chapter Text

I keep an eye on Falco and Ellie the entire evening. Although I’m more discreet about my surveillance than they are about theirs. Seriously, if I wasn’t equally curious I would be pissed with all the staring. Whoever they are, they’ve obviously never taken a lesson in discretion. I can’t really complain though, because it’s precisely their lack of discretion that ends working in my favour. I take my chance after dinner when they’ve let up observing me to whisper to each other at the edge of the clearing. I sneak into the forest, making use of the shadows to approach the pair without being seen.

“…true, he’s a monster.” I hear Falco whisper harshly.

“Why….lie?”

I only get a fragment of what his female companion answers but it’s easy to guess the missing parts. Why would he lie? I did ask myself the same question about them.

“…impossible. He should have died.”

I don’t know why I necessarily should have died. Certainly surviving this long was not a walk in the park but you make do.

The pair falls into silence and I take this opportunity to observe them critically. While they don’t look as soft as the trainees I was escorting some days before, neither Falco nor Ellie look as tough as I would expect from such young suvvies. It stands to reason that they must have been looked after at least for a time. They couldn’t have been much older than one or two at the time of the Outbreak. Obviously, mere infants couldn’t have survived on their own. But even supposing they had someone to look after them…

“Anything of interest?” a voice asks in my back, making me jump and cutting short my line of thought.

I whirl around and come face to face with Pieck. She looks passively disinterested – as she has since I met her – but a certain glint in her eyes tells me she’s not as uninvolved as she first appears to be.

“Why don’t you tell me?” I ask challengingly.

Having finally noticed my presence, Falco and Ellie hurry over to us, worry evident on their faces.

“Sorry Pieck.” Ellie says in a semi-whine. “I…”

Whatever she was about to say is cut by a harsh glare from her elder.

I look from one to another, judging the situation. It’s probably safe to assume at this point, that they’ve been travelling together. I glance at Pieck. She doesn’t look much older than I am, if at all.

“Are you a suvvie too then Pieck?” I ask casually.

She stares at me in silence.

That’s a yes then is it? I narrow my eyes at them as an idea slips into my mind.

“Riese?” I ask with the air of someone making a casual enquiry while all my senses are on alert.

Pieck’s eyes widen slightly in surprise but she catches herself quickly and gives a brief nod.

“Yes. So you do know ab…” she cuts herself short probably seeing my grin.

“You don’t say.” I say.

Her mouth shuts with a click. There is a passing look of horror on her face.

“So what’s Riese then?” I ask, folding my arms. “I imagine it’s a suvvie thing since I can’t see why you would all lie about that. In which case there shouldn’t be a problem with letting me know. I’m a suvvie too after all.”

“There’s no way you are.” Ellie blurts.

I glance at her and she looks uncomfortable.

“You wouldn’t have survived.” she murmurs.

“But I did.” I say coldly. “Was it wrong of me?”

As pieces of the mystery assemble, my anger starts to rise. Three suvvies. If I add Annie, Bert and Reiner, that makes six, connected to Riese. Six suvvies. That’s half our number from five years ago. How many deaths could we have avoided if had had a greater number back then? I don’t even want to know. Fuck them.

“What do you know about Riese?” Pieck asks softly.

“Nothing.” I say. “A girl called Annie told me to remember it a few days ago. That’s all.”

The three exchange meaningful looks.

“I take it Annie, Bert and Reiner are people you know?” I say detachedly. “Great. I would very much like explanations now.”

“First…” Pieck starts, but I grab her by the collar and hiss at her.

“You do not get to make conditions, you little traitor. Do you know what I see when I look at you? I see the people who let me and mine die off five years ago for nothing.”

That has the merit to make her uncomfortable.

“Riese is a city.” she says. “A city of suvvies. We’re safe there. You have to understand…”

I let go of her with a look of pure contempt. I turn on my heel and leave.

I’m seething. A city of suvvies. Do they know how many of ours died while they were happily eating turkey in their safe little Riese? Do they even care? Fuck them.

I walk straight to my cabin, and drop on the bed like a deadweight. So many could have been saved. So many people, children, who didn’t need to die and did for…for what? I don’t even know. How can you excuse abandoning your own? I can’t even imagine a reason for it. If we’d known about Riese, Mikasa wouldn’t have had to die.

For the first time in my life, I shed tears over my sister’s death.

My entire life has become meaningless.

***

I leave in the dead of the night. I had been looking forward to time off in Dauper but now, the simple thought of sharing space with those bastards is making restless. After tossing and turning for about two hours, I decide to put the excess energy to better use and pack up. Half an hour later I’m walking amongst the trees, my back to Dauper.

My next destination is already clear in my mind. I’m heading to Ragako. Hopefully, I can get my hands on the long-awaited explosives. Possibly, the excitement will let me forget what I’ve learnt these last 24 hours. I stop only once a couple of hours before dawn to catch some sleep. I’ll need it if I’m to walk all day. It’s impossible to stop for too long during day-time after all, since zombies move around then. Of course they move at night too, but to be honest it’s so rare that I don’t even take it into account. I’m not sure why, but zombies appear drained of energy at night. I’ve seen a swarm once after dark that could barely move. I’ve never had such an easy encounter with a swarm before.

I wake up just in time, to see the first lights of day colour the horizon. I’m on my feet in an instant. Time to go.

Travelling to Ragako is eerily simple for the first three days. I see neither hair no hide of a single zombie and it’s honestly a little creepy. I even consider the possibility of a Titan being around but it’s not that type of silence. A herd of wild horses galloping some distance away reassures me completely. It’s not a Titan. If it was, there wouldn’t be a single living being miles around. But there is certainly a definite lack of walkers.

I understand half a day later when I arrive to Ragako’s military base. As soon as I arrive on the plateau overlooking the concrete building, I throw myself down to the ground. Fucking hell. There’s like three swarms down there! I peek at the scene below. It’s crazy. I’ve never seen anything like it. A massive amount of zombie is gathered around the fortress, climbing the walls and trying to push their way through inside the building. It’s like all the zombies miles around were attracted to this specific location.

Completely stunned, I observe the scene for a while more. The building must be inhabited because from time to time, zombies that have been getting too close are shot to death. It’s almost comical from this distance to see them fall to the ground like puppets whose strings have been cut.

Examining the situation carefully, I try to determine if there is a way to make my way inside without dying. The initial response is ‘hell no’. It certainly doesn’t look possible what’s with the crazy amount of walkers. I’m not even sure getting inside is worth the risk. On the other hand, not getting inside means no supplies and even more importantly no explosives.

Oh god, I think with a blissful expression on my face, the things I could do here with explosive!

Still. Realistically speaking, getting inside isn’t going to be easy. I start rummaging into my things, trying to determine what kind of equipment I have on hand. First are two guns, with a decent amount of ammo. My three thin knives attached to my chest piece. My machete. I’m about to declare the list complete when I unearth an unusual weapon from the very bottom of my bag. It looks like a grenade but contains tear gas. I can’t even remember where I picked that up. Must have had it for ages.

I’m not entirely sure tear gas is effective against zombies. I mean that kind of grenade was initially designed for riots and stuff like that. It’s a pre-Outbreak weapon. And I’m not entirely anyone’s tested it on zombies. It does present one advantage though. Tear gas creates a thick white cloud. In other words it can be used to conceal oneself from the sight of walkers. Of course, it doesn’t mean they’re going to stop looking for me as soon as they stop seeing me, they’re not lurkers, but at least it’ll buy me some time to get inside.

With this fragment of a plan in mind, I start looking for a route that will lead me inside the building. I find it in no time. There is actually a section of the entrance gate where most zombies have been killed by whoever is inside. The other walkers are sticking to their own sections so if I can get close enough to that part and hide myself in the tear gas, I can easily slip inside unnoticed and jump over the barricades, which will hide me from the walkers’ sights. Hopefully once there, I’ll be able to attract the base’s occupant’s attention so that they’ll let me in. Assuming they’re not a git, they’ll let me in and I’ll be right as rain.

Assuming they’re not a git.

With this plan in mind, I discreetly make my way down, trying to keep from being seen by any walker. It’s not an easy job and I often have to wait for long minutes before I can go from one hiding place to another but them not being the brightest light in the universe helps somewhat. I finally judge a position I judge adequately close to the base’s entrance. I’m at least close enough that I can read the beat-up signs from the days it was a military-held building.

Being so close up also tells me that it might not be as easy as I originally thought. It’s certainly going to take some speed to sprint right past the swarm of zombies occupying themselves by the entrance. That isn’t the tricky bit though. I do have confidence in my speed. I haven’t been running from zombies for twelve years for nothing. No, the tricky bit is going to be the timing in throwing my tear gas grenade. That’s what’s going to make the crucial difference between a pass and a fail. And I can’t afford failure.

But no pressure, Eren.

With the pressure rising, I find myself peering worriedly at the building. There’s no way to even get a glimpse of the inside because all the windows are barred and the barricade of sacks built in a semi-circle around the door blocks my view of the entrance. It’s quite high. I won’t be able to simply jump over it like I initially thought. I’ll have to climb it. It shouldn’t be too hard but it’ll take a few extra seconds. And during those precious seconds I’ll be at my most vulnerable. There will be no time for hesitation or mistakes.

Damn.

Why am doing this again?

Perhaps thankfully, I don’t actually have the leisure to answer that question, because movement on the zombie side precipitates the moment to act. Confirming one last time the positions of the various undead surrounding my position, route and goal, I grab the grenade and get ready to leap into action.

I wait only a few seconds before I see my window of opportunity. With a zombie’s slight movement on my left, I jump out from behind my hiding place and sprint forward. As I’m running I pull the pin of the grenade and closing my eyes I let go of it at my feet. I took care to put some fabric over my mouth and nose but even with that meagre protection I feel the tear gas around me. I run a few meters before I allow myself to open my eyes. With a last burst of energy I arrive at the barricade and leap in the same movement. I reach my hand to grab a sack but miss. Thankfully I manage to grab just beneath, though I have a nasty sensation of burning on my hand as my palm drags over the coarse fabric.

I dismiss the pain and try not to pay attention to the erratic beating of my heart. I’m so fucking scared. I’m used to risking my life but I’ve got to say I’ve outdone myself this time. I almost feel like laughing. Unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of free time. I push myself up as quickly as possible while making sure to keep my balance. Falling now would mean death.

A shock under me makes me glance down. A zombie is biting at the sacks there. It’s patting around like it’s looking for something. Me probably. Can’t it see me then? Interesting. Note to self: tear gas appears to work against zombies. Without paying the walker any more attention, I continue my ascension of the barricade. It takes only a few more seconds to reach the top and once there I jump to the great, breaking my fall with a roll.

I pull the cloth around my mouth down and take a deep breath as I lie on the ground. That was so scary, I think, as I take a well-earned moment of respite.

It last only long enough for me to open my eyes because when I do, it’s to see grey eyes open wide and a familiar pale face bending over me.

“Eren?” the man says, and I can see shock and surprise and something else I can’t quite comprehend in his eyes.

“Hi.” I say. “Levi.”

Chapter Text

We gaze at each other for a long moment, taking in the other’s appearance like we can’t quite believe what we’re seeing. I don’t know why but I feel like crying. Levi’s right next to me, unchanged from the last time I’ve seen him. He looks tired but he’s aware of everything happening around him, ready to strike at the first sign of a trespasser. He’s the same Levi I remember. I gulp, trying to dislodge the lump that has settled in my throat. It’s no use though.

“Eren.” Levi repeats, sounding sort of numb.

Sounds of banging and running from inside the building make us turn towards the door just in time to see a woman wearing glasses erupt from the doorway.

“LEVI!” she shouts, a huge grin on her face.

I subconsciously move backwards. Who is this glasses demon?

“Hanji.” Levi sighs.

It’s a very heavy sigh. Whatever Levi was going to say next is drowned in the excited cooing she produces upon seeing me.

“Who is this cutie?” she asks bouncing excitedly as she examines me with sparkly yet analytic eyes.

“Eren.” Levi answers, like that explains everything.

And apparently it does because the woman coos some more at that.

“Really?” she asks. “Is it really him? Levi?”

But Levi isn’t listening anymore. He walks over to me and grabs my arm to pull up to my feet. Then he leads me inside.

“Take my place for a bit Shitty Glasses.” he throws over his shoulder as we disappear inside the fortress.

He slams the door shut behind us before grabbing my arm once again and pulling me along. I can hear some voices up ahead, which I assume belong to his other companions. I thought we were off to meet them but to my surprise Levi pulls me towards another corridor. We walk some more, the voices growing fainter and fainter behind us. They’ve almost become inaudible when he pushes me inside a dark room.

I barely have time to register where we are that I’m slammed against the wall and a hot body is pressed against mine. Levi’s dry lips are on mine in an instant. For a moment it’s a less of a kiss than being pushed on the lips and pushing back, and I can’t help the amused thought that Levi’s getting back at me for something. But then Levi makes this little noise that's not quite a whine but really probably is and parts his lips. I don’t wait for a written invitation to slide my tongue inside his mouth and deepen the kiss.

It’s not perfect. Nothing ever is with me and Levi. There’s something poking painfully at my back and Levi’s pulling at my hair too hard but I can’t find it in myself to care because my arms are wrapping themselves around his back and for the first time in my life I understand the feeling of coming home.

We stop to catch our breath and in the dim light filtering through the cracks in the window I can see the glazed look in Levi’s eyes and the wet shine of his lips. It’s so sexy I’m tempted to ravish him some more but instead I press my forehead against his and sigh contentedly. I feel his fingers letting go of my hair to settle at the back of my neck instead and he buries his face into my shoulder. I hold him tightly against me and let my head lean against his.

“I missed you Levi.” I whisper in the darkness. “I really did.”

***

Eventually we do make it to the room his comrades are in.

“There they are!” Hanji exclaims when we come in.

She bounces up to us, still looking like she’s on a constant sugar high.

“Where have the two of you been?”

“Talking.” Levi answers curtly.

And I have to repress a derisive snort because we’ve barely said five words to each other in all that time. I manage to distract myself by looking at the two men occupying the room. They’re both tall and well-built although the similarities stop there. One is blonde and has ‘figure of authority’ written all over him. It’s in the way his blue eyes are both welcoming and hard, in the way he holds himself and in the way he smiles tightly at me. The second man is of a darker blonde and has a rather large nose. I probably only notice his nose because he’s sniffing weirdly in my direction.

“These are Erwin and Mike. Survey Corp too.” Levi tells me noticing my gaze.

I nod. I recognize the blonde. He’s the Commander of the Survey Corps. At least he used to be five years ago and if he’s still alive and in active duty there’s no reason why they would have replaced him.

“I’m Hanji Zoe!” the woman says placing herself directly in my line of sight. “I’m a scientist in the corp.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” I tell her with a friendly smile. “I’m Eren.”

“Levi’s told us a lot about you.” Erwin says, stepping forward.

I glance at the dark-haired man. He looks back at me very calmly.

“Oh really?” I comment, equally calm.

If our extended making out session is a sign that Levi actually cares a little about me, I’m guessing he would have the decency to give me some kind of sign if he had said anything compromising about me to these people.

“I was hoping we would meet you eventually.” Erwin continues.

Saying ‘oh really?’ a second time might be perceived as rude so I opt for silence. Hanji takes the opportunity to intrude in the conversation.

“We would be very interested in anything you could tell us about Titans.” she tells me. “These creatures are fascinating. I can’t believe we never knew they existed. I…”

I’m sure she would have continued in that manner for a lengthy time if Mike had let her. As it is the burly man silently grabs her collar and pulls her away from me, allowing Erwin to take back the reins of the conversation. Unfortunately for him, I’ve had enough of being a passive participant and I decide it’s high time I ask my questions.

“First I want to know what the hell is happening outside.” I say. “I’ve never seen so many swarms in one place at the same time.”

I try to keep my tone civil but I can’t help letting a hint of suspiciousness in my tone.

The three soldiers exchange a glance. I get the feeling that either they don’t know the answer themselves or they don’t want to tell me. In the latter case, it’s possible they’ll be chattier after I’ve shared some info on Titans. Which I was intending to do anyway.

“Never mind.” I say, breaking the uneasy atmosphere. “I don’t mind sharing information but for now I want to rest up.”

Or get Levi alone. Either one would work really.

“Of course.” Erwin says diplomatically. “You’re welcome to set up camp with us if you’d like.”

I politely decline but assure them I’ll join them for dinner at least before taking my leave. As I expected, Levi falls into step behind me.

“What are you doing here anyway?” he asks once we’ve walked a little ways away from the room the other Doves are in.

“A Runner friend of mine told me I could find explosives here.”

“Explosives?” Levi frowns. “We didn’t find any.”

I grin and give him a sidelong glance.

“I didn’t expect you would have. We have our secrets.”

***

I spend the next few hours setting up camp, looking for the explosives – which I find neatly hidden under the floor of a designated room – and catching up with Levi in a more verbal way. Well, at least until he starts showing sure signs of being horny. I’ve just finished telling him about my baby-sitting trip when he moves up to kiss my neck and basically sits himself in my lap in the process.

“Are you even interested in what I’m telling you?” I grumble half-heartedly.

I can’t really be angry because he’s started nibbling my ear while one his hands makes it way under my shirt and it’s actually kind of cute.

It was surprising when we first began this sort of relationship that Levi was often the one to initiate sex. It was disconcerting that someone usually so stern and serious would be so needy to the point of pushiness. But it’s endearing.

“Levi.” I groan when he brushes against my nipple – which is less cute and more hot.

He stops his activities around my ear to look into my eyes. I grab the back of his head and pull him into a kiss.

“We need to make it to dinner.” I say when we part.

Clearly, he doesn’t think I’ve made a good enough point because he leans in for another kiss and presses himself harder against me.

“Don’t care.” he mumbles against my lips.  

“I do.” I groan.

I don’t really. But someone has to be reasonable here. Levi harrumphs but gets off me anyway and I struggle to hide my disappointment.

“You said those Survey Corp members died right? What were their names?” he asks me, looking like he’s back to being semi-serious.

“Erd, Oluo, Gunter and Petra.”

As soon as I pronounce these names, I see Levi’s face freeze before progressively morphing into pained acceptance.

“I see.” he says.

“Did you know them?” I ask, scuttling closer to him to provide some kind of comfort.

“They were the members of my squad.” he explains after a long moment of silence.

“Oh.” I say simply, remembering that he’d told me back when we had first met that he had separated with his team because they had different errands to run.

So that had been them then. Small world. And bad luck too.

“So what did tell Erwin and co about me then?” I ask after a moment.

“I told them you were a shitty brat.”

I snort, trying to guess at Levi’s mood but his face is closed and unreadable.

“No but really?”

He shrugs.

“I just told them I’d met you. I’m supposed to report it when I see suvvies, so we can keep track you know.”

I hum.

“You didn’t tell them about….”

I’m not sure if I’m about to say ‘us’ or ‘my bite’ and since I can’t decide I let my sentence float unfinished.

“No.” Levi says and I wonder which one he’s answering.

Or is it both?

“Eren. Your arm…” about your bite, he means. “We should talk to Hanji about it. She’s researching a vaccine and it could help her.”

I note how he said ‘we’ and feel some satisfaction at the idea that we’re a ‘we’ now and that Levi expects to be part of my decisions in the future.

“Um.” I say. “I’ll think about it.”

Levi nods and that’s that. Since he’s definitely not in the mood for sex anymore – I imagine learning that all his squad members were dead had put a damper on his sexual appetite – I decide to try my luck at asking him about the swarms outside. He hesitates for a moment and I realize suddenly that I shouldn’t expect him to naturally take my side. He’s a dove after all. A soldier. If an order is given he’ll have to obey it. I can’t be sure that he wouldn’t execute me if Erwin asked him to. It’s not because I’m sleeping with him that I have special privileges. No, I can’t assume that Levi will be my ally in the future as hard as that can be when it’s Levi. Still. I have to remember who I am and what I do to survive. And that the only one I can count on for sure is myself. Anyone else is a luxury.

He tells me they’re not sure why the swarms are here and I only half-believe him. I don’t insist. Let him keep his secrets. It doesn’t really matter anyway. Ultimately, I’m the one who decided to dive in despite the situation outside so anything that happens after this will be my own fault.

After Levi leaves the room saying he needs to inform the others about his squad’s fate, I decide to make an inventory of my possessions. It’s best I do that while I’m here so that I can collect all I need before leaving.

If I manage to leave.

I empty my bag and examine my stash. I’m alright clothes-wise. I imagine they’ll hold for a while longer. I haven’t had them for that long anyway. Food is a priority though. Shoes would also be appreciated. This place being an ex-military base I imagine they’ve got combat boots lying around somewhere. Maybe. I’ll have to look for them later, my shoes are looking like they’re about to die. I have had them for three years already. My chest piece could do with some replacing but it’s hard to get when you’re a suvvie so it’ll have to wait. I guess I can ask a Runner I trust to get me one in town sometime. I’ll have to think about it.

My inventory done and over with, I started packing again, my mind wandering to the past days. Riese. This one word is starting to sound like a curse to me. A city. A city of Suvvies. Created only months after the Outbreak. Hannes and Mikasa who died without ever knowing we could have been safe. If only we had known. If only. But why? That’s the question that obsesses me the most. Why weren’t we told? Why didn’t they look for us, those dozens of kids still out there fighting to live a minute, a day, a week longer? Why didn’t we know?

Why did they have to die?

Chapter Text

I spend the next few days alternating between spending time sharing information with the Doves and minding my own business. I don’t see all that much of Levi during the day. Which is probably for the better. I’m far too happy about seeing him again and I have to keep reminding myself that this is a coincidence and that it won’t last long. Just like last time, we’ll end up going our own ways and I’ll just have to deal with it. That’s the theory anyway. In practice, Levi moved his pack to camp with me so I see him plenty in the evenings. Yes, it is counter-productive.

On a more serious note, although I’ve shared all I know about Titans, I still haven’t spoken a word to Hanji about being bitten. I just can’t bring myself to trust them. I know Levi thinks it would be a good idea but as he hasn’t insisted on it – or rather spoken a word about it since the first day – I’m starting to think he’s not necessarily sure his companions won’t turn against me either. I don’t think Hanji would. I think Hanji would think of me as a fascinating specimen begging to be researched. But I can’t say as much for Erwin and Mike. They don’t look like the type to take chances.

I’m thinking about this while minding my own business, which translates to exploring the military base. So far I’ve found the food storage and made enough provisions to last two weeks after I leave. I’ve yet to find any boots. I mentioned it to the soldiers but none of them seemed to know anything about that. Erwin did end up finding a blueprint of the place at the very bottom of a drawer in the room they’ve been using so I at least have an idea of the layout of the place now.

I’m currently making my way down to the underground level which is noted down as a storage area. I end spending about half an hour going from room to room, examining the content of boxes if there are any in the first place. It seems that most of them were emptied when the soldiers left this place. They must have wanted to save as much equipment as they could.

The first thing I end up finding is, funnily enough, the one thing I haven’t been looking for, which is to say books. The makeshift library which is really just a small room with three bookcases lining the walls, doesn’t contain much. I trail my gaze over the book titles and note that most of them are either military treaties or decoding books. Nothing too interesting for me. What is interesting is the section dedicated to dictionaries of various languages. I think of Riese. And pick up the German-English dictionary.

I find Riese fairly quickly and read it’s translation with a frown. Giant. Colossus. Monster.

If anything this only raises more questions. If Riese is a city, why give it such a name? Giant. Monster. It sounds more like a Titan than a city to me. An idea flashes through my mind. Could it be that the one who named the city – and possibly built it too – knew about Titans? If that is the case, it means that someone already knew about them right after the Outbreak. Is that even possible? I only met a Titan for the first time years after the Outbreak and even then I was one of the only people to have had the bad luck of encountering one. Besides there remained the problem of knowing about one and living to tell the tale. It’s slightly easier to get out alive from a confrontation with a Titan now because we know some things about them. Mostly that if you escape until night you’re good or that they don’t go into dark places so caves, cellars and such are all good. But right after the Outbreak…I can’t imagine how it could have been possible…

No, wait, I tell myself. There is, was, someone who could have known. Someone who was acting strange before the Outbreak. Someone I suspect was behind my immunity to the Infection. Grisha Jaeger. My father. The man who went missing days after the Outbreak, leaving my sister and I to fend for ourselves until Hannes found us. The scientist who injected me something the day before the Outbreak crying and screaming things I couldn’t hear through the haze of my memories. Grisha who’s fate is uncertain.

I close the dictionary with a snap. Grisha. I can’t be sure but I feel that he is connected to this mystery. Mostly because he has always been a mystery. To my knowledge, my father was a doctor in the pre-Outbreak world but even though that was supposedly his job I didn’t recall him having a cabinet or working in the hospital. He never spoke about his patients. He never spoke about work at all. As a child I used to imagine that my father was actually a superhero posing as a doctor during the day to avoid suspicion. Or a super-spy like James Bond. Now…This mystery surrounding his person just feels eerie. Suspicious.

Placing the dictionary back on its shelf I shake myself and go back to exploring the storage area. There’s no doubt in my mind now that I have to find Riese. I have to determine whether or not Grisha was involved in its creation, and if he was, why he saved all these kids but not his own. That particular question is like a drop of bitter acid in my stomach. It doesn’t do anything to make me sympathize with the Riese suvvies. Also…

I grit my teeth. I don’t really want to think about this. I don’t even want to imagine the possibility….But I can’t ignore the signs. I have to find out if Grisha had something to do with the Outbreak. Because if he did…

I swing yet another door open and my dark mood is momentarily lifted upon seeing stacks of military uniforms.

“Yes.” I exclaim, pumping a fist.

Riese and Grisha are far from my mind as I go through the boxes, eventually finding one with boots. I look for my size, which is luckily easy to find, before retreating to sit on some other box to try them on. It’s a perfect fit so I leave them on. They’re brand new so I’ll have to break them in before I can start using them full time or I’ll have the worst blisters. I grab my old pair of shoes, telling myself I’ll have to switch again in an hour or so and glance to the clothes. More specifically the trousers. Jeans are good but combat trousers are better. For one thing they have tons of pockets which make them really handy. Besides it never hurts to have a spare pair of trousers I tell myself, grabbing a pair my size before making my way out again.

Now, all I have left to worry about is a chest piece. I doubt the doves upstairs have that on them so it’ll have to wait a while more. Which brings me to my next question: what am I going to do next?

I think for now the assumption is that we’re all going to band together to get out of the place. It’s the logical thing to do really because even with my explosives and the rifle I picked up yesterday, fighting off three swarms at once is a bit much. Especially walkers. Walkers are tenacious little fuckers.

So anyway, I’ll stick around long enough to get out and put some distance between myself and Ragako but then what? Come to think of it, I still don’t know where the doves are planning to go next. I should probably enquire about that. It might help.

***

“You’re going to Karanese?” I ask, a little surprised that the city has come up again so soon.

“Yes.” Hanji confirms before hesitating, shooting a glance at Levi whose leaning against the table looking supremely unconcerned by what’s happening around him. “Actually we were discussing some things and we thought we should ask you. You see initially, all four of us were going to go to Karanese together. The thing is, there’s a trainee in Calaneth whom I’ve decided to recruit as my assistant. My lab is in Karanese so I need to have him escorted there eventually.”

She pauses looking at me intently. I can see where she’s going with this but I continue looking at her with a vaguely intrigued expression. They want to make me into their errand-runner, or maybe their faithful dog and I have no intention of becoming either.

“Erwin and I were wondering if you would be willing to go to Calaneth with Levi and escort the trainee to Karanese. You two have experience travelling together and it would save us so much time…” she trails off expectantly.

I turn to look at Levi. It’s obvious he’s already been told of those plans but for the life of me I can’t tell what his opinion on the whole thing is. He’s looking straight back at me but that resting bitch face of his is revealing nothing of his thoughts. I turn back to Hanji.

“What’s in it for me?” I ask cautiously. “Admittedly I don’t have anything better to do at the moment.” I lie, because I have no intention of sharing my knowledge of Riese with them at the moment. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to do your work for nothing. Besides I can’t enter Calaneth. Nor can I enter Karanese for that matter.”

“Erwin will write you a pass and an order of mission so you won’t have problems in the city. They might limit your time inside but you’ll have enough time to pick up Armin and prepare for the next trip.”

“Armin?” I echo, my breath catching into my throat.

Hanji looks at me curiously.

“Yes.” she says. “Armin Arlert, my new assistant.”

I gulp. Armin Arlert. My childhood friend pre-Outbreak who had been lucky enough to be in a safe part of the city when the Infection broke out. So he was alive. And smart enough to become Hanji’s assistant. I almost feel proud at the thought but force myself to get back on track. Even if Armin and I were friends twelve years ago it doesn’t mean I owe him anything.

I take a moment to think carefully about the situation. Travelling to Calaneth and escorting a teenager to Karanese wouldn’t be that hard. Especially with Levi with me. It might be a pain. I remember Armin as a sensible and mature child but it’s been years since then and there’s no telling what he’s like now. So it might be a pain. But it could be worth it. If I make the right demands. It just so happens that I do need things they can give me.

 “I’ll do it but on two conditions.” I say finally. “First, I want to replace my chest piece and I want you to procure me one once I get to Karanese. We’ll consider that payment for getting Armin to you. Secondly, there’s a trainee I know who’s in Karanese right now. I want to talk to her.”

Hanji who’d looked like she was holding her breath when I announced I had conditions looks strangely relieved.

“That’s all?” she asks starting to regain her usual excitement.

I nod.

“That can be easily arranged.” she assures me, bouncing on her heels. “That’s great!”

Levi finally breaks his prolonged silence, also leaving his spot at the table to take a step towards Hanji and I.

“We’d better get shitty Erwin to start planning how to get out of here then.” he says.

He gives Hanji a look and I find myself wondering what exactly they’ve been doing in this place. I can’t imagine they ended up here by accident and then accidently found themselves in a desperate situation, attacked by three swarms at once. I’m not that gullible.

But well, I guess it doesn’t really matter.

We eventually decide to wait until dinner to discuss escape plans since it’s the only time when we don’t need someone to watch the door. All zombies become sluggish at night. It’s not to the point that they’ll run away like Titans but they become infinitely slower and sometimes aren’t even able to move and most of the time if they don’t have a human in sight they’ll just stay in the same spot. Meaning they won’t try anything against the door. Even if they do try I doubt they’ll be able to do much.

Good point, I tell myself, leaving by night might be an idea worth considering if we’re going to pass through three swarms at once. I’ll have to submit it to the others later.

Chapter Text

The plan is as follows: wait for night-time, blow up a path and run the hell out of the place. Well that’s the gist of it anyway. Thanks to my timely intervention, we agreed to leave by night and use the zombies’ sluggishness to our advantage. Naturally, that alone wouldn’t have been sufficient. Even if zombies are sluggish they can still be pretty damn reactive if a human gets in their line of sight. Besides, with the number they have outside, there’s no naturally-formed secure path for us to get out of the building. Even if we tried to use large gaps between groups of Walkers, we would be surrounded in a matter of minutes and when one bite means game over nobody wants to take any risks. Hence the blowing up part.

I swore Levi to secrecy about where I found my new toys but I did share their existence with the group. It might be our only ticket out after all. I can’t be stingy. Most of all though, I’m just really excited to try them out. Levi doesn’t seem to get it. He just rolled his eyes with a ‘well-that’s-Eren’ kind of look which is anything but flattering because he totally thinks I’m insane. Hanji seemed interested but as expected of her, her enthusiasm was too much even for me.

Anyway, the point is I’ve been entrusted with blowing up zombies. A mission that involves quite a bit of stealth and reactivity because it requires not attracting too much attention from zombies as I climb up the barricade to throw my grenades into the fray. If zombies are too close to the barricade they might not be affected by the explosion so I’ll have to take them out quickly before my companions make a break for it. If I fail at that, the escape will be compromised. Quite a big responsibility.

If I succeed though, it’ll be a piece of cake to run out of the compound and jump in the jeep the doves left outside. With the car it’ll be easy enough to put distance between us and the Walkers.

When it’s put like that it sounds oddly feasible.

I’m half-nervous half-excited as I check my equipment. Grenades first, then rifle, then handguns. Machete as a last resort.

“Are you ready?” Erwin asks behind me.

I nod quickly and surge forward. Climbing up the barricade is much easier when I don’t have zombies trying to grab me and I’m up there in no time at all. I stay low, not making any sudden movements as I observe the swarms below. For now it doesn’t seem like any of them have noticed me. The moon is out tonight so it’s quite bright. I’d initially been worried that it would make me too visible to zombies but now I’m grateful for the extra brightness as I need to find my target. Ideally I would only have to use one of my three grenades but in practice that might be difficult. The Walkers are quite spread out between the barricades and the gates’ entrance. There’s also three that are almost stuck to the wall of sacks. I’ll have to shoot those. Still if I hit the path dead centre I might manage to get away with using just one grenade. I’ll have to shoot those at the far end though. Meaning I’ll have to slow down, stop at worse, when I get there. A little dangerous but I’ve done worse.

I look down at the doves and give them the signal to get ready. On Erwin’s nod, I throw my grenade. Everything that happens after that is a blur of action. I’m shooting on reflex before my brain can catch up and then I’m running like mad towards the exit. At some point, I tell myself shooting those near the car will be too risky so I take out my machete and rush forward. I can’t even tell if the doves are following me until I see Mike bypass me to jump at the wheel, kicking off a zombie in the process. Then Erwin and Hanji follow. Levi comes last and I suspect he took out his handgun to help me clean up. I stab the last zombie just as the car’s engine starts up and I only just have time to jump on before we’re racing off in the night.

***

We drive for a couple of hours before Levi and I are dropped off, more or less in the middle of nowhere. It can’t be helped really because Calaneth is not in the same direction as Karanese by a long shot. So we’re let off the car – it’s a deliverance for me because my position hadn’t been very comfortable – Hanji hands us our packs and then it’s time for goodbyes. Dove style of course.

“We’ll see you in Karanese with Armin.” Erwin says with the chief’s tone that subtly puts pressure on you.

I don’t believe in your friendly smile one bit Erwin Smith. I know what you’re trying to do.

“Unless you die like idiots on the way back.” Levi deadpans.

This is what I missed most about Levi. His unwavering optimism.

“Good luck!” Hanji says. “Take care of yourselves.”

With that, Mike turns the engine on again. As the car drives off I reflect that it’s funny the only one who gave a normal farewell was the one person you would never expect to do anything normally.

By the time I stop internally snickering and waving at the disappearing car, Levi is already far away. The short git doesn’t even bother waiting for me. Which I should have expected. Since it’s Levi we’re talking about. He’s not above such petty things.

Deciding I’ve got better things to do than spend ten minutes complaining to a prison wall – I just know Levi would ignore me the whole time – I begin walking after him, taking out my map so that I can take a look at it while I walk.

Although I’d rather just forget about the irritating business, Annie’s words and the reality of Riese being a city for suvvies, and being somewhere out there has been nagging at me for days. It would have been one thing if it had been a rumour. I could have happily ignored it because most rumours are utter lies. But this is not a rumour. It’s a reality. And it’s somewhere on this map except I have no clue where. Annie had better be in a chatty mood when I see her because I need her to show me where it is. At all costs.

If only to get it all out of my head.

“You do realize Calaneth is nowhere in that area don’t you?” an incredibly bored voice asks.

I turn my gaze to Levi who’s somehow fallen into steps next to me without my realizing. He’s giving the map, and probably by extension my intellect, a very critical frown.

“Yes I do, Captain Obvious. No need to be insulting.” I huff, folding up the map and putting it back into one of my numerous pockets.

“It’s a fair question.”

“It’s only fair if you think I’m dumb, which I find very insulting.”

“We should be in Calaneth in three days.” Levi says, smoothly changing the subject.

“Yeah, I know. Calaneth isn’t far. It’s the return trip that’s going to be pain. Armin had better not be a handicap.” I grumble thinking of my very blonde, very blue-eyed, very intelligent childhood playmate.

I don’t remember a lot about him in general, but I don’t seem to have retained an image of Armin Arlert as someone who was exceptionally fit. Nor was he into sports. He just liked reading, reading and reading some more. It would be good to find him miraculously changed over the years but…Yeah, I should probably expect the worse to avoid disappointment.

Levi remains silent. He usually does that when I start whining about something. I think he’s adopted a mentality of ‘if-I-ignore-it-it’ll-stop-eventually’.

“By the way,” I ask, suddenly remembering a topic we have failed to explore since we’ve reunited. “Do you think Hanji would be able to keep it a secret from others if I told her about my bite?”

By ‘others’ I mostly mean Erwin – and Mike but at this point I think of Mike as a natural extension of Erwin – since I’m not convinced at all that he won’t execute me on the spot if he learns I’m technically infected. Doves of all groups have a policy of minimizing danger as much as possible. The same type of ‘minimizing danger’ that led to the banishing of suvvies. Even if their methods or reasoning are irrational, they’ll annihilate anything that could pose a danger to the people in the cities. I’ve no doubt they’d come up with an excuse such as ‘his bite is latent and could activate at any moment’ or some such nonsense to explain my execution.

“She knows how to keep secrets.” Levi answers completely monotonously.

“Right.” I say.

Right.

Good. Then perhaps I’ll do what I haven’t done so far and tell her about it. I’m assuming that with what I asked for I’ll be allowed in Karanese for a few days, if only so that they can arrange my meeting with Annie. In other words, Hanji will have ample time to take blood samples and whatever else she’ll need to research my condition. Hopefully, staying quiet about it too.

I sigh lifting my gaze towards the night sky. It’s a beautiful sight. There are millions of stars dotting the dark abyss and I suddenly feel very small compare to that immensity.

“It’s beautiful.” I whisper.

“Yes.” Levi says, and from the corner of my eye I notice he’s also looking up. “That’s something we’ve got the Outbreak to be thankful for.”

I don’t really understand what that means so I wait, almost holding my breath as I hope Levi will explain. Part of me thinks he won’t. Levi – like a lot of people – doesn’t speak of the world before the Outbreak. People have a lot of different reasons for not broaching the subject, I always thought in Levi’s case it was his practicality that didn’t let him dwell on the past too much. In this world, if you want to survive you have to look ahead. Never behind.

“Before the Outbreak, we didn’t see a lot of stars, especially in towns and cities, because of the pollution.” Levi explains quietly after a long pause. “According to Hanji since we’ve been leaving the environment alone since the Outbreak, the world has been recovering at a much faster rate than anyone could have expected.”

“Oh.” I breathe out.

This is all foreign concepts to me. I’ve read a little about pollution before and how it was caused by cars and industries and that but it doesn’t really hit home for me. It’s all abstract. I guess Levi and I really don’t see the world the same way. There’s the fact that I’m a suvvie and he’s a citizen of course, we have different lifestyles and sometimes it’s hard to understand certain aspects of the other’s life but more than that there’s the past we don’t share. Twenty years living in a pre-apocalyptic world. I can’t even imagine what that means for someone. Twenty years is an entire life. How do you adapt to zombieland? I don’t know. I can’t because I was only five when the Outbreak took place. Way too young to remember anything important. Young enough to replace my previous reality with my new one.

I don’t know if I’m thankful for the Outbreak. I’ve never really thought about it that way before. Because the Outbreak happened, so what’s the point of thinking about it. But now that Levi’s mentioned it, I can’t help but think that if the Outbreak hadn’t happened, he and I would have never met.

“What are you grinning creepily about, you brat?” Levi’s snide voice asks.

I can’t help but snort. Yeah, this is my definition of normal.

“Nothing.” I say.

I guess I don’t hate zombieland after all. It has its good points.

Chapter Text

Calaneth is a miserable little place. The walls are a patchwork of bricks, sandbags and fencing that gives the entire thing an air of dramatic survival. Not that dramatic survival isn’t a thing, I just find the gloominess of the place unpleasant. The worse is that it extends to the people.

When Levi and I show up at the gates, we’re greeted by two sullen-looking Doves from the Garrison who look at us with mean eyes and sneer at Levi’s identification papers. We have a hard job convincing them that I’m safe to accept inside the walls. In fact, they nearly don’t let me in despite Erwin’s letter of recommendation and it’s only the promise of dark retribution from Levi that finally convinces them.

“Death by machete, really?” I snort, as we finally start making our way inside Calaneth.

Levi mumbles something that sounds like ‘shitheads’ but comments no further so I decide to leave him alone so he can stew. I take the opportunity to observe my surroundings.

All eyes are on us as we make our way along the main street towards the Garrison headquarters. I unintentionally shiver under their gaze. They’re not so different from zombies really, I note as I try to shrug of the uncomfortable feeling of a hundred eyes fixed on me. Every last one of them is skin on bones, their clothes ripped and dirtied beyond all recognition and their gazes hungry like they’ve been starving for the past ten years.

Levi and I exchange a glance. Somehow I don’t think we’ll be staying here for very long.

“There’s been rumours of cannibalism in Calaneth.” Levi tells me as we enter the Garrison headquarters.

I look at him, my shock probably evident on my face, but I don’t have time to voice my surprise because we’re immediately intercepted a Dove with the mangiest beard I’ve ever seen.

I remain stunned as the man enquires about our business in a gruff voice.

I know starvation, and I know the fear of death but to think some have resorted to cannibalism to stay alive…It’s at once unthinkable and completely creepy. A cannibal is really no better than a zombie. If they’re going to fall this low they might as well just go and get infected. At least then, one might excuse their diet.

I shake my head, falling into steps behind Levi who’s following the man who intercepted us at the entrance. I can only guess that we’re being taken to Armin because I haven’t paid attention to a single word that was said. Armin. I can’t imagine the innocent angel of my memories living in a place like Calaneth, feeding on human flesh. Now that would be unthinkable.

“Stop looking so panicked.” Levi hisses at me as the guy abandons us in empty office.

“You bring me to a stronghold of cannibals and you want me to stop panicking?” I hiss back, completely incredulous. “I guess it makes sense now that Erwin wasn’t keen on letting you go on your own.”

Levi rolls his eyes.

“They’re only rumours.” he mutters.

“They were looking at us like we were a tasty piece of chicken!”

Levi gives me a look I can’t quite interpret before saying.

“We won’t be staying long.”

“I hope not.” I tell him fervently. “This place gives me the creeps.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” a gruff voice says from the doorway.

I jump and swing around to look at our guide who has just come in, small blond in tow.

“I take it you won’t be staying then?” the Dove continues.

“No.” Levi answers smoothly. “We’ll take Armin and leave immediately.”

That’s when Armin side-steps to extract himself from the man’s shadow and take a look at us with the radiant blue eyes I remember. He gazes at Levi first before his eyes glide over to me and widen in surprise.

“Eren!” he exclaims, with a hint of excitement.

“Hi.” I answer tonelessly.

I notice Levi’s questioning sidelong glance but ignore it, preferring to fix my gaze on an abstract point above the door.

“Armin?” Levi asks.

“Yes.” the blonde answers, quickly regaining his countenance. “It’s nice to meet you sir.”

I can feel silver eyes boring into me as Levi gives a low hum.

“Are you ready to leave?” Levi asks, thankfully deciding not to question our relationship at this time.

Armin nods quickly, his eyes shifting to me every couple of seconds.

“Ready when you are!” he answers enthusiastically. “But are you sure you don’t want to stop for a bit? Get some provisions maybe?”

I give Levi a petulant look, which he tries to ignore. If it wouldn’t be so rude to say, I’d kindly refuse their offer to give us rations of human flesh.

“We’ve got all we need.” Levi says diplomatically. “I expect you to provide your own food though.”

“Yes.” Armin says, blissfully unaware. “I know.”

Levi nods curtly and turns to the dove silently standing by the door, probably expecting him to kindly guide us back to the gates. The dove stares back placidly.

“Well.” says Levi after the silence has stretched to an uncomfortable degree. “We’ll be on our way then.”

“I must insist that you take a break in the safety of our walls.” the man says at last, tone smooth and face blank.

Levi frowns. I frown. Armin, finally alerted to the oddness of the room’s atmosphere frowns.

“Well we insist we leave immediately.” I speak up.

The dove’s still gaze shifts to me and I grit my teeth.

“Very well then.”

I relax my jaws at his agreement but exchange a puzzled gaze with Levi. This place just keeps getting stranger. Although at this point, I’m just glad we won’t get mixed in their problems any further.

***

“He seemed very intent on keeping us there.” Levi notes once we’re a safe distance away from Calaneth.

I look over my shoulder at the city we’re leaving behind us, with a frown. I remember the disappointed look on our guide’s face when he bid us goodbye at the gates. Disappointment mixed with despair. I don’t know what’s going on in Calaneth but it seems clear the poor sod is expecting something to happen. And that something is clearly not of the enjoyable variety.

“Were we meant to escort Arin or to extract him?” I ask.

I’m not sulking but I am a little put off that information has been kept from me.

“Who knows?” Levi answers, turning to look at Armin as to say he expects the blonde knows.

Put on the spot, my childhood friend clears his throat.

“Erm…well…I guess the situation in Calaneth isn’t very good at the moment and they wanted me in Karanese as soon as possible.”

“Are they really cannibals in there?” I ask, deciding not to beat around the bush.

Armin clears his throat again, clearly embarrassed by the line of questioning.

“Well…”

He doesn’t say yes, but it hangs in the air with all the heaviness of a grown elephant. We fall silent after that. I think we would all agree we’d prefer not to think of what is going to happen to Calaneth, or in Calaneth, in days to come. Clearly the doves stationed there feel the future is bleak for them and if there really is cannibalism going on in the city I would tend to agree. And I’m rather glad it’s none of my business.

As the day draws on, it becomes clear that I won’t be able to keep information from Levi much longer – which I find to be terribly hypocritical after the Calaneth affair but well – as he’s been sending me pointed looks very frequently. I consider myself fortunate that he arms himself with patience until evening. By that point though, he makes it evident that he expects answers, and he expects them now.

“I knew Armin before the Outbreak.” I say bluntly over dinner.

Levi stops in the middle of bringing a spoonful of soup to his lips to stare at me. I ignore him, preferring to stare with interest at Armin’s ration. I was honestly relieved to see that it was perfectly normal food. Only, it appears to be one of those city-made rations that Doves have been carrying around lately. I’ve never tried them and I’m not sure I want to. They really don’t look like any food I know.

“We were best friends.” I add for Levi’s benefit before deciding the subject is now closed and returning to my food.

Levi takes the cue – I do love that he understands me so well – but Armin seems to take that for a sign that I’m open to discussing things of the past and proceeds to interrogate me excitedly.

“I’m so glad to see you Eren! I always wondered what happened to you and Mikasa! Where is Mikasa?” he asks, looking around as if he expects her to jump out from behind a bush.

I roll my eyes at the silly reaction.

“She’s dead.” I tell him unfeelingly.

I see shock spread on his face, followed by sadness. His excitement has evaporated in an instant.

“Oh.” he says. “Aren’t you sad?”

He says this with a hint of desperation, like he’s trying to make sure I’m still the person he knew, deep down.

I snort derisively.

“Not really. People die every day out there. You get used to it.”

“But she was your sister!” he says, sounding almost offended by my casual attitude.

“Well, she was a zombie really.” I tell reasonably. “I don’t get attached to those.”

I think I hear Levi snort at that but when I glance at him his face is as inexpressive as always. I ignore Armin’s sputtering across the campfire and finish my food quickly before proceeding to organize sleeping arrangements. I one-sidedly decide Armin will be across from the fire while I’ll be on the other side. I make to place Levi’s bedding some distance away from mine but as expected his voice stops me.

“You’re not going to keep me warm?” he asks, the very picture of innocence.

I glare at him in mock anger.

“No. You kick too much and I’m tired of sleeping with you.”

Which is an absolute lie of course. Sleeping next to Levi is my favourite thing in life. Although I really could do without the kicking I don’t want to miss my chances of planting sneaky kisses on his neck while he’s half-asleep. He always groans and tries to swat me away although he secretly loves it, its prime entertainment!

“I don’t kick.” he protests, although he doesn’t seem to believe in his own words.

I certainly don’t.

“You do.” I tell him firmly. “Now where you to keep your feet to yourself, I might be talked into sleeping with you.”

Although Levi’s expression hasn’t changed, his eyes are shining with mirth and I find myself grinning covertly. Sometimes, I wonder how I even managed to live without this.

“Fine.” he says after a long pause during which we stare at each other challengingly. “I promise not to kick you.”

I harrumph for the sake of it and place his bedding with mine. I happen to glance at Armin when I straighten to ask Levi about keeping watch, he’s watching us with his hanging open and his eye wide. I end up staring at him with a similar expression. What on Earth is wrong with him? Has he never seen people interact before?

He finally seems to become aware of me staring at him and promptly blushes a fiery red and drops his eyes to his unfinished ration. I shake my head as if to say ‘what a strange child’ and turn to Levi, catching his knowing look with a frown.

“What?” I ask him quietly.

He shrugs dismissively and with a shrug of my own I let the matter evaporate into the evening air. Then I remember the watches and turn to Levi to harass him about it.

Chapter Text

Armin isn’t exactly a nuisance. He’s fit enough to keep up with us and alert enough to play his part in keeping watch. He is undoubtedly a third wheel though. Thanks to Armin’s presence I have become aware that Levi and I have a particular dynamic that allows us to conduct daily tasks swiftly and efficiently, communicating little but still managing to convey all that is essential. Armin essentially ruins this dynamic simply by existing. I sound harsh, but it’s the truth. When Levi and I are getting on with our tasks, he stands there awkwardly and asks if he can help, at which point one of us has to give him something to do. Although he completes every task given to him he does so much more slowly than Levi or I would, which after three days has become so irritating that I give up on allowing Armin to participate in daily activities.

My mood doesn’t improve when a storm breaks out forcing us to stop for the night two hours earlier than planned. It doesn’t help that we struggle to find a rainproof shelter to camp in. Since houses have been abandoned for more than a decade, their condition is not ideal and only worsens with time. These days finding a non-leaking patch of roof is almost a miracle. We do end up finding a cramped room on the second floor of a building that appears mostly rainproof and set up camp there.

On a silent agreement, Levi and I send Armin out to scout the surroundings, thus allowing ourselves some form of privacy.

“Have you decided?” Levi asks me as soon as Armin is out of earshot.

“About what?”

Of course, I know exactly what he’s on about. The issue of my bite and Hanji and letting the two meet has been on my mind these past few days. But somehow, I feel like getting a few extra seconds to think about what I’m going to answer.

“Your arm.” he predictably answers.

I hum.

“Well.” I say after a long pause. “I would tell her if I thought it was 100% risk-free. But I’m not convinced she wouldn’t tell Erwin if she discovered something major and nothing you can say would convince me to trust Erwin with my life.”

No way in hell.

I finish unrolling my bed and throw myself on it, closing my eyes for a moment to enjoy the sensation of lying down and relaxing after a long day. A moment later I roll on my back to look up at Levi. He’s staring at me thoughtfully.

“I don’t think she would tell him. They get along but Hanji knows better than anyone what Erwin could do and she wouldn’t endanger one of her experiments.”

I snort.

“Gee, thanks.”

“You asked.”

I roll my eyes at him.

“Anyway, I suppose I don’t mind letting her take a few samples and messing about with those but I don’t intend to stick around or help with an amazing discovery.”

Levi’s eyes dart to the side for a moment as if he’s heard something and I idly wonder if Armin has been listening in. In the end he just turns back to me as if nothing’s happened and I let the thought vanish from my mind.

“I know.” he says and there’s something in his voice that make me frown.

I’m about to ask but he beats me to it.

“Why did you want to talk to that trainee in Karanese?”

I stare at him for a long minute. I’d love to tell him and perhaps if he wasn’t a Dove, I would have. But as it happens he is a soldier whose allegiance goes to the military. In other words, he belongs to the very institution I can never allow myself to trust fully. So I smile wanly at him and say:

“I wonder why.”

I can tell he’s not satisfied with this answer but I’ve already made up my mind. I can sleep with Levi all I want, and even help him out sometimes, but there are some things I can’t share with him. To be honest, if I’d known at the time that suvvies were thought to be extinct I wouldn’t even have told him about that. It’s too late for regrets obviously but not too late to be careful.

I look away from him and let my gaze fix itself on the ceiling.

Annie and Riese. While part of me despises both of them, I can’t ignore the fact that they’re both related to me. Suvvies are suvvies. Well actually no, thinking about it like that bothers me. There’s no way people who were comfortable letting peers die away, fighting ugly battles for survival when they could have been safe, could possibly be called suvvies. They weren’t surviving. They were living. Just like citizens were. And just like citizens did, they left us out there to rot.

The only name they deserve is that of traitors. Even so, they’re our traitors and should be dealt by us. Or by me as it happens. Since I really do seem to be the last penguin on the ice.

“Eren?”

I startle at the sound of Levi’s voice. I must have been really lost in my thoughts because I didn’t notice him lean on top of me. His silvery grey eyes are boring down into mine and although his face is as impassive as usual I detect some uncertainty in the way he looks at me.

“What’s up?” I ask, attempting to banish all thoughts of upsetting encounters.

He doesn’t answer. I didn’t expect him to. I grin and place a hand at the back of his neck to pull him down into a kiss. As our lips lock together and tongues intertwine, my other hand makes its way down Levi’s torso, slipping under his shirt to brush against naked skin. I feel him shift over me, moving so that he’s straddling me instead of leaning towards me, making it both easier to kiss and easier for me to continue exploring his body. We’re becoming short of breath, but I don’t stop kissing him. It’s Levi who ends up breaking the kiss with a gasp, just as my thumb starts playing with his nipple.

I lift myself up into a sitting position and coax him out of his shirt. Letting my fingers trail down his side, I wrap my lips around his nipple, eliciting a soft moan from the man above me. His hand comes to grip my hair as his hips jerk forward, making me moan in turn.

“Eren!” he gasps, tugging at the hair at the back of my head.

I obediently detach myself from his torso and look up at him. His mouth is on mine instantly. His kiss is a ravaging hot mess and I lose myself in it for a moment.

The next moment I hear an embarrassed squeal and both Levi and I jump in surprise at the sudden intrusion. As he pushes away from me, lips swollen and wet, Levi still manages to look completely annoyed. I glance at Armin who has covered his eyes with his hands and who is blushing right to the tip of his ears. Little virgin that he is.

The white expanse of skin before me soon calls my gaze back to attention and I proceed to suck on it hard enough to leave a hickey. Above me Levi, inhales sharply, the fingers that are still griping my hair tightening their hold suddenly.

“Eren.” he groans warningly, although there’s still a hint of lust in his tone that make me smile despite the displeased look on his face.

If anything Armin gets even redder and as if that could help block out the noises, he turns his back to us.

Levi rolls his eyes at him and clambers off me, collecting his shirt on the way. I can’t help but show my disappointment as he slips back into his shirt, hiding the red kiss mark I’ve just put on him. It doesn’t help that I’m still half-hard.

“Did you have to interrupt?” I ask Armin accusingly.

“I’m sorry.” he peeps, still refusing to abandon his prone position in the corner.

I look sulkily at Levi who’s now dressed and has started getting stuff out for dinner. He catches my eye and gives me a deadpan stare. I know this is basically him chiding me for being childish but I’m horny, okay! I huff and get to my feet to help.

“Come on Armin.” I say. “Stop acting like a virgin and grab a towel.”

So, maybe I’m being mean but I never asked to have a cock blocker along.

“The last thing we need is for you to catch something.” I add and there is at least some truth in that.

Still red and avoiding looking at us, he agrees to step fully into the room and starts rummaging in his rucksack to grab a spare blanket that he uses to dry himself. Meanwhile, Levi and I finish setting things up for dinner, warming up the soup and getting spoons out. No need for dishes since we’ll be eating directly out of the can.

Eventually all three of us are sat around the fire, eating our soup in silence. Armin is still embarrassed – and by the way I think it’s about time he gets over it – and Levi looks lost in thoughts, so I’m left to keep myself company and try to find something interesting to talk about. Which isn’t particularly easy when the only things I have to think about that are mildly interesting are also really fucking depressing. So, unsurprisingly, I end up thinking about Riese but rather than bemoan my terrible fate and their cowardly abandonment of those who they should have thought of as comrades, I start wondering about its location.

It must be somewhere either really well hidden or really unexpected because despite having been all over the place in the past decade, I’ve never even heard of it. I start thinking of all the places I’ve been, wondering if there’s a part of the map I haven’t explored but the list is long and my memory not infallible so I eventually give up.

“So who’s taking first watch?” I ask to the two people who are still unresponsive.

Armin jumps, looking up at me in surprise, as if he’s actually shocked that I can speak. I roll my eyes at him, before turning to Levi who hasn’t moved an inch.

“Armin can take it.” he says.

I snicker. Well, well, despite acting like he doesn’t care at all that we were interrupted it seems he’s actually holding a grudge.

I happily slap Armin’s shoulder.

“Well thanks for the hard work, then.” I say with a huge grin.

He looks at me warily, apparently not naïve enough to think his arbitrary appointment is a simple coincidence. I just shrug as if to say ‘it’s your own fault dude’ and slurp down the last of my soup. I jump to my feet, leaving the other two to finish their dinner, while I take out my guns for some maintenance. As I disassemble my gun to clean it, I stop paying attention to the other two, focusing fully on the task at hand. Although I could so this same procedure with my eyes closed, I wouldn’t recommend splitting one’s attention when taking care of one’s guns. After all, they’re the sacred tools that keep us alive. Wouldn’t want them to malfunction because we were careless with them.

I therefore don’t take any notice when Armin makes himself a cup of coffee and leaves for the third floor, where a balcony allows for good vision of our surroundings. It’s only when I complete my task and put my weapons away that I take note of the empty room and of Levi’s insistent stare.   

He hasn’t moved from his earlier spot but his silver eyes are fixed on me, intently following my every move.

“What’s up?” I ask, meeting his gaze.

In response he gets up to his feet and crosses the distance that separates us. He walks right up to me, lowering himself to sit in my lap. Automatically, my hands reach up to his back to steady him into this new position. I grin up at him, understanding exactly where this is all going.

“Are we continuing from where we left off?” I ask, teasingly brushing my thumb against his nipple.

His eyes are filled with anticipation and lust as he looks down at me.

“We’ll have to be quiet.” he says simply.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you keep quiet.” I reassure him, licking at his lips to draw him into a languorous kiss.

Chapter Text

When we arrive in Karanese it’s packed with soldiers. I briefly wonder if something’s going on but Levi acts as if nothing’s unusual so I figure this must be normal for the military base. Nevertheless, the number of uniforms around me is oppressive. As we pass the gates with little difficulty – everyone seems to be eager to throw themselves at Levi’s feet for some reason – I have to shake off the intense urge to run away with my tail between my legs. Every single cell in my body is screaming danger.

It’s no wonder, as I’m stepping inside a fortified city, for the first time in my life. Under any other circumstances I would have been shot to death before I got to the other side of the gate, but by some miracle Erwin has managed to get me permission to stay within Karanese for up to a month. Not that I intend to stay for that long.

In fact it’s a bit weird that he insisted I got that much time. I mean, I imagine he must have insisted because I can’t see any of the higher ups being happy to have a suvvie in a city’s walls for any period of time, let alone a month. Makes me wonder what exactly Erwin is planning. Unfortunately, when I question Levi on that point, he just shrugs and doesn’t answer. So, either he knows and doesn’t want to tell me, or he doesn’t know, and I’m not reassured one bit.

Those thoughts occupy my mind as we go through the long process of identification that takes place between the outer barricade and the inner wall. It is interesting to note that there are actually two gates in a city. The first is the outer gate. Beyond it is what they appear to call the ‘Trench’. Despite its name it has absolutely nothing in common with a ditch. The Trench is actually just the narrow space that exists between the outer barricade and the inner wall. The outer barricade is made of sacks and tiny spaces are opened regularly to allow for gunfire to go through. The inner wall however is solid metal.

To gain access beyond that wall, one has to go through the security office where identification has to be shown. There are also a series of searches, to check what equipment you’re bringing in. Bombs and the like can be confiscated unless you have permission to carry them inside. It’s all very specific and regulated. I don’t think I could have brought a puppy inside without adequate documentation.

Of course, me being a suvvie makes the entire process twice as tedious, even though all the papers needed are in order as far as anyone can tell.

We must spend at least an hour in there before we’re finally allowed through the main gate and into the city.

My sour mood and paranoia evaporate into thin air when I step inside Karanese. I’ve never seen anything like the sight that spreads before me. There are people all over the place. And not just soldiers – actually there are almost no soldiers in sight on this side of the wall – but women, children, men, young and old. There are nearly no weapons in sight and everyone is wearing casual clothes. In fact, Levi, Armin and I stand out like sore thumbs with our equipment.

As we make our way towards the Survey Corps headquarters, I gaze at my surroundings in wonder. The houses here are all in good condition and although there appears to be an almost dormitory-like system so as to be able to lodge everyone, the living conditions still seem pretty good. There’s even a market going on in the main square. Although I can see some trade going on, I notice that some kind of currency appears to be in use.

“What’s that?” I ask to my companions, nodding towards an iron coin that changes hands a little distance away.

“It’s a Ration Token.” Armin explains. “Everyone gets a certain number of them every week, depending on the city resources and the person’s contribution to the city’s economy or safety. One Token can buy a food ration. You can also buy clothes and other essentials with them.”

I hum with interest at the explanation. Everything is fascinating to me. The city is like an entirely different world. It makes me realize that life has actually gone back to a semblance of normal behind the walls. My lifestyle is so very far from the norm. Much further in fact than I thought it was.

“What is that?” I ask, staring at a smallish building made of sheet metal in front of which people are patiently lining up.

“Those are the public showers.”

Once again it’s Armin who answers. A glance tells me that Levi is putting on a face that says this conversation is none of his business. Figures he would be too lazy to answer some simple questions.

“You’re allowed one shower every two days, to preserve water.” Armin continues explaining as we walk past the building. “Everyone has a little card that the supervisor stamps with the date when you go. It’s free so anyone can go but it can close if water rationing is implemented.”

It’s good that my blonde friend is so eager to satisfy my curiosity because there is a lot that catches my attention on the way to the headquarters. From the mail service that is operated by the military to the mercenaries who escort people who wish to travel to another city, everything is new and interesting to me. I even discover a school, not too far from our destination, from which I hear young voices repeating the alphabet.

Everything is unbelievably peaceful. People all around are smiling and conversing happily like there isn’t a vast wasteland just beyond their walls. It’s like they don’t even realize that there are zombies out there. That some may be just a few feet away, planting their teeth in the barricade. And I, look at all of this in pure bemusement, mouth hanging slightly open in my amazement.

“This is unreal.” I say, giving a glance over my shoulder as we climb the steps of the dour building that is the Survey Corp’s main base of operations.

Levi gives me an indecipherable look while Armin gazes at me with sympathy. Although the former doesn’t surprise me, the latter makes me stop for a second. For some reason my blond childhood friend appears to be pitying me. Which I don’t understand. From where I stand, it’s all those people stacked here that ought to be pitied. They live with their eyes closed, believing what they’re told and being content with being trapped within those walls. They’re little more than livestock.

At least I have the freedom to go where I want. My heart isn’t paralyzed with the fear of death if I place a toe beyond the borders of a safe place. I don’t depend on other people’s strength to survive. I’m my own person. I can at least take pride in living a life worth living, even if it ends up being much shorter than theirs.

If they’re sheep, then I’m a wolf.

I shake my head, eyes drifting to Levi. I wonder if there’ll be more people like him in generations to come. Men and women who still seek something that lies beyond the walls. A taste of the old world maybe. Hope. Or freedom. But something. Something that pushes them to leave safety and comfort behind to wander in the No Man’s Land. I wonder if that kind of courage will die with those who knew the pre-Outbreak world.

I guess I’ll never really know. I hope for the sake of humanity that it’s not case. If there is to be hope for a world without zombies in the future, it won’t be found by people who are content with the narrow world offered by a fortified city.

“We’ve come a long way haven’t we?” Armin asks, from where he’s stopped just a few steps above me.

He’s looking out at the city, but his eyes are full of pride as he takes in the scenery. I follow his gaze to the houses and people bathing in the golden light of evening.

“To me, it seems more like you’ve all stopped moving.” I answer.

No words have ever sounded truer to my ears than those.

***

Once inside, we’re intercepted by a young soldier who salutes Levi formally before launching in a befuddling explanation of the Commander’s recent activities and orders. I don’t fully understand what it’s all about, but it does register in my mind that we won’t see Erwin today and that we’re meant to be shown rooms to stay in.

At least Armin and I are supposed to. Levi is not mentioned in this part of the little speech and I’m left to assume that he has his own set of rooms somewhere in the city.

“What about Annie?” I ask, starting to see the beginnings of Erwin’s sombre plot to keep me here longer than I wish. “I’ve been allowed to meet with a trainee by that name. I’d like to see her.”

The soldier hesitates.

“I’ve not been told anything about this…” he says hesitantly. “But the Commander was quite firm in his orders. You’re to be shown your rooms and rest until tomorrow.”

“Fuck that…!” I start protesting but Levi holds up a hand, effectively stopping me in my tracks.

“Tell Erwin, he had better make sure everything can be taken care of by tomorrow.” he states, in a tone that does not make you want to say ‘no’.

The soldier nods hastily and with yet another salute he scampers off to get the keys to the rooms Armin and I have been assigned.

“I’ll make sure you’re not made to stay longer than you want Eren.” Levi says as soon as the soldier is out of earshot. “So be patient for now.”

It’s kind of hard to blow up when he has this concerned frown on his face so I cave in with a sigh.

“Fine. But I’m staying two days max.” I hiss as our guide comes back hurriedly, key in hand.

Levi gives me a curt nod.

“I’ll come find you in your room later.” he tells, to which Armin blushes fiercely.

I turn to the blonde and give him a shrewd look as Levi takes his leave. When I catch his eye, I shake my head at him with a disapproving look. I wish he would stop jumping to the worse interpretation possible every single time. This dirty minded virgin!

Our guide thankfully doesn’t seem to understand the innuendo, and after briefly gazing from one to the other in confusion he clears his throat and encourages us to follow him.

It turns out the military base is just as boring on the inside as it is on the outside. It’s just empty grey corridors, lined with doors on either side. There aren’t many windows and I soon begin to find the entire place depressing. Maybe that is the point. They might have made it that way to encourage soldiers to volunteer for missions outside. I would certainly be eager to get out of here. Even if it meant sharing my space with zombies.

We’re lead through a labyrinth of corridor, all identical, eventually stopping in front of room 119.

“This is the room for Armin Arlert.” the soldier explains handing the keys in our general direction.

It’s sadly obvious he has no clue who is who. Armin nicely reaches forward to grab the key. I would have let him stew and try to guess, but whatever. Just go ahead and ruin my fun Armin! It’s not like I lack occasions to bully people on a daily basis!

I snort softly at my own thoughts while the blond thanks the soldier warmly. After promising to see me later – although I don’t particularly want to – he disappears in the room. I hear the click as he locks the door behind him and I can’t help wondering if that’s a habit developed while he was living with cannibals or if it’s just the normal thing to do.

The soldier and I continue onwards, reaching the end of the corridor before he stops.

“216, this is yours.” he says and gives the keys.

He gives me a hurried nod and proceeds to abandon me there. I stare at his back dubiously. I could have done with a bit more information, or even a map of the place. But well.

I unlock the door and step inside the room. It’s simple, bare even, but it has a bed on the right-hand side of the room, which has an actual mattress and sheets on it and that’s more than I ever had. There’s also a tiny table with a candle that’s pushed against the wall opposite the bed. I drop my bag on the floor and, after a moment of hesitation, I lock the door behind me.

When in doubt, do as the romans do, I decide. It seems like a very good rule to follow in foreign territory. In fact, I tell myself as I drop on the bed, I think I’ll make that my life philosophy for the next two days.

Chapter Text

Levi never showed up. I waited up until midnight but he did not come. I suppose something must have happened. That or he’s secretly married and went off to see his wife. Which would make me the mistress. The perfect premise for a scene of intense drama. Not that I believe for one second that Levi and his perpetually grumpy demeanour would be married. I dare hope female cattle has more taste than that.

Calling them cattle is a bit mean but I’ve watched them all morning, throughout breakfast and then during my short walk around the city – it’s so cramped here that you’d be hard-pressed to take a long walk – and they’re hopeless. Their eyes are dull and stupid, their reflexes slow. It’s like losing their freedom has taken something essential from them – the vivacious intelligence and cunning that allowed us physically weak humans to survive and evolve along with the rest of the world.

If anything it reinforces my desire to leave this place and never come back. The very thought that I could one day become one of them sends shivers down my spine.

When I go back to my room, I find Levi waiting. He’s leaning against the wall, arms crossed, looking impossibly bored. In a word: unchanged.

“Well, hello.” I say as I stroll up to him, bypassing him to put the key in the lock.

He doesn’t answer but follows me inside the room, shutting the door behind him.

“Where were you last night?” I ask.

There’s no accusation in my tone. I don’t sleep any worse if he’s not there to hold my hand and I’m certainly not so addicted to sex that I’ll become insomniac over it – although the sex is very good. I’m merely curious as it’s rare for Levi not to keep his word. It seems logical to me that if he hasn’t the blame lies with some unpredictable cause. 

Like Erwin, for example.

The answering groan – a form of prehistoric grunting that Levi adopts when he doesn’t want to answer a question out of sheer laziness – appears to confirm this thought and I don’t insist. I probably wouldn’t have had time to anyway because Levi grabs the back of my head and pulls me in for a rough kiss as soon as we’re behind closed doors.

I don’t know if Armin’s continued presence in our sphere the past few days is the reason but I find him unusually eager. Well, maybe ‘eager’ isn’t the word. Levi is always eager for sex and I certainly don’t complain about it. He’s just unusual in his behaviour, pressing into me so hard that I have to take a step back. His grip on my neck tightens as he wraps both arms around it and uses this new hold to pull himself up to kiss me more deeply.

Our tongues entwine sensually, our kiss breaking only for a fraction of a second at a time for the purpose of breathing. I feel him still pushing against me as if he was trying to meld his very being into me. It’s hot, dizzying, but part of me can’t help but wonder what has gotten into him.

With the continued, insistent, pressure of Levi’s body against mine, I eventually decide to pull him up so that his legs wrap around my waist. He answers my movement in an instant and soon I’m caught in an embrace so tight it’s almost impossible to move. Breaking the kiss for a moment – pecking his jaw as an apology – I manage to turn around and push us onto the bed.

We basically collapse on the mattress, Levi’s grip on me not loosening as I bury my face into the crook of his neck, inhaling the scent of smoke mixed with soap that is purely Levi – he’s the only person I’ve ever known who carries a block of soap in his survival kit.

I don’t bother trying to hold myself up, essentially crushing Levi instead as I return to the task of kissing the life out of him. Far from complaining, Levi sighs in satisfaction against my mouth and finally allows the passionate fever to drop. We continue at a much slower pace, our languid kiss allowing me enough presence of mind to explore his body with my hands while Levi thrusts into me at random intervals.

Every time I show even the slightest sign of wanting to pull out, Levi drags me back to him, stopping any words I might say with his mouth and erasing any thought in my mind with the slow drags of his erection against mine. He’s agonisingly skilled at making me lust for him.

Astonishingly I don’t give in completely. My eyes remain opened throughout it all, fixed into Levi’s own gaze. He doesn’t reprimand me for it as he usually does when I stare at him too long, if anything he encourages it, moaning against my lips in pleasure, drawing my eyes back to himself when they deviate. And the more this goes on, the more I feel something is deeply different from usual.

There’s a flame burning in Levi’s eyes, a desire that isn’t quite lust but something similar, a want of me, a want from me, which leaves me baffled.

It’s never been like this before. Foreplay only ever exists in so far as Levi wants to be penetrated. This time though, he looks perfectly content to continue as we’ve been doing for some time now, our bodies pressing into each other, exchanging kisses and random touches but never expecting it to develop into anything else.

It’s very strange. Not unpleasant, but very strange.

Little by little, the touches and kisses cease, until we’re only embracing. I’m lying on top of Levi. His face is buried in my neck and I can feel his hot breath against my skin. I close my eyes, enjoying the moment.

When his arms finally loosen around my neck, I carefully push myself up to sit on my knees. Thus seated between Levi’s spread out legs, I have a towering view over him. His lips are red and swollen, the thin strands of black hair messily spread over the pillow. He’s looking up at me, eyes glazed and almost vacant. He looks absolutely wrecked. A beautiful wreck.

“I want more of you.” I tell him, letting my fingers caress his hip.

I’m still hard to the point that it’s beginning to be painful and I can see his own erection pushing against his trousers. For the time being though, the silver irises retain my attention. I keep seeing his wet lips, the fresh kiss marks on his pale skin and it makes my heart beat out my chest. I’m so attracted to this man.

I feel his hand reach up to caress my cheek, with a tenderness I never suspected he possessed.

“You can have everything.” he murmurs, slowly pulling me down to his lips.

For a moment, I doubt what I’ve heard. But there’s no mistaking the gentleness with which he starts undoing the buttons of my shirt. Any other day, he would have ripped it off me and attacked my neck with bared teeth. Today he’s all softness and careful gestures and I can only follow.

I undress him without rush, stopping often to kiss his demanding mouth. When I make to slide my fingers in to prepare him, he grunts – a little more like his usual self – and silently orders me to skip that step. Obediently – my compliance astounds even me – I place myself carefully and slide into him. It’s like Levi’s body was made for me. I push into him easily, although the sharp intake of breath I hear tells me it’s perhaps not as easy for Levi, and find his sweet spot after only a couple of thrusts.

We rock gently together, in a way we never have before, and our orgasm comes like a warm wave, a sharp contrast to the usual peak of passion. Then we lie next to each other, Levi’s head over my arm, breathing in unison and I, wondering when the world changed so much.

At some point, Levi begins to caress my cheek, pet me, nuzzling into me and pressing butterfly kisses to my chin and jaw. I watch him patiently, waiting for something I don’t even know I ought to be waiting for.

“I’ve left the Survey Corp.” Levi tells me at long last, propping himself up on his elbows to look at me. “I was handing in my resignation last night.”

“I bet Erwin didn’t like that.” I answer softly.

“No.” he agrees.

His eyes bore into me with a weight I’m almost scared to carry.

“I’m staying with you.” he says.

My heart leaps into my chest and slowly, I smile.

I’m so in love with this man.

***

I think both of us are prepared to stay like this all day long. Me, because there’s nothing more interesting than Levi out there – and by ‘out there’ I mean ‘anywhere’ really (I’m scared to think Levi might be my new hobby) – and Levi, because he’s decided to be the laziest bastard alive. Worse, he’s managed to move himself to lie on top of me so that’s it’s impossible to escape. Not that I want to escape, it’s the principle of the thing.

Eventually though, the day catches up to us. It starts with a knock on the door soon followed by an embarrassingly loud gurgling sound from stomach, which makes Levi snort.

“Eren?” calls Armin’s voice from behind the door. “Are you coming to lunch?”

“Yeah.” I call back. “Let me just get dressed.”

I hear Armin’s muffle ‘okay’ as I turn to press my nose in Levi’s hair.

“Are you coming to lunch?” I ask, wriggling to encourage him to move off me.

He grunts, rolling off to the side to allow me to move but gives no explicit answer. I take that as a no and start retrieving my clothes from the floor, pulling them on and trying to look a little less ruffled. I’m pulling on my trousers when Levi, with a sigh that could wake the dead, gets up heavily and starts picking at his clothes.

Apparently, he’s coming along.

It doesn’t take very long for the two of us to be semi-presentable and I swing the door open, revealing not only Armin but also Jean. The former promptly squeaks when he sees Levi following me out but the latter barely takes any notice.

“Hey.” he greets me in a measured tone.

“Hi.” I answer, raising a questioning eyebrow at him.

He clears his throat about to say something when he notices Levi. His eyes widen in shock as they linger on his face. His mouth shuts with a click and I see, almost comically, the way his eyes drift down to the unmistakable bruises peeking out of Levi’s collar. The gurgling sound he makes as realisation hits is the funniest thing I ever heard and I don’t stop myself snickering unsympathetically all the way to lunch.

As usual, Levi pretends he doesn’t see or hear anything, merely marching off towards the mess hall. I follow casting amused looks at Jean who’s transformed into a rag doll, a hint of red on his cheeks but mostly pale.

“Do you know when you’re seeing the Commander?” Armin asks, in a strained attempt to get the conversation going.

It’s Levi who answers.

“This afternoon. Hanji might be around as well.”

I can hear the hidden question in those words. I haven’t told Levi but my decision is pretty much made already. If Hanji is someone I can trust, I’ll let her take samples. I’m not as hard-hearted as people make me out to be. It’s not like I want humanity to die out or anything, I’m not that much of a dick. Sure, I wouldn’t risk my life for the world but you know. I’ll do what I can do.

Obviously, the thing that remains to be decided is whether or not I can trust the mad scientist. My initial instinct is to trust her. She’s a likeable woman, if off her rocker. But more than that I’m wary. It’s clear she has a close relationship with Erwin, one way or another, and I don’t know how confidential the information would be if I gave it to her. Hopefully so confidential that she wouldn’t tell a living soul – Levi seems to think so – but I can’t be sure of that right now.

Hopefully I’ll know more by afternoon.