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Jonah walks into The Spoon, his eyes scanning the crowded restaurant trying to find the one he’s searching for. Jonah spots him near the back of the diner in a booth, surprisingly alone for once. There’s no Buffy or Andi in sight. It’s just Cyrus by himself sitting at the table, picking distractedly at a basket of baby taters.
Jonah and Cyrus started hanging out a few months ago. At first he and Cyrus only really saw each other at Ultimate Frisbee games, the team gatherings afterwards, or at school. They’d pass each other in the hallway and Jonah would always flash Cyrus a dimpled smile which Cyrus would return with one of his own. But at some point, Jonah’s not even sure he remembers when, he and Cyrus became closer, actual friends.
They’d hang out at The Spoon with Buffy and Andi. Or go to each other’s houses during weekends just to sit around and talk and occasionally do homework. Jonah got Cyrus into a few video games while Cyrus introduced Jonah to James Bond films, claiming it was a travesty that he hadn’t seen at least one.
Cyrus is his friend, probably the best one Jonah has, so when Cyrus texted him earlier in the day asking to meet up at the diner after school, Jonah didn’t think twice about sending him a quick response of “sure c u l8r.” Cyrus’ initial text had been vague, just that he wanted to talk and of course Jonah would never say no to spending time with his friend.
But now that Jonah’s arrived at The Spoon and gotten a look at Cyrus, even from a distance, he can tell something’s bothering him. He’s not his usual happy-go-lucky self; he looks…worried, nervous, more so than usual, and the thought of Cyrus being upset is upsetting Jonah. He never wants to see his friend looking so down.
Jonah crosses the room quickly, managing to wave and greet a few random acquaintances from school, before making it over to Cyrus’ table. Cyrus’ gaze is focused on the table so Jonah clears his throat to announce himself.
“Hey, Cyrus!” He exclaims brightly, a big grin spreading across Jonah’s face the way it normally does when he greets the other boy.
Cyrus glances up and upon seeing Jonah, knocks over the basket of food, sending baby taters scattering across the table. “Hi, Jonah,” he says, hastily picking up the bite-sized potatoes and depositing them back into the basket.
Cyrus doesn’t smile back, too concerned with clearing the table and avoiding Jonah’s eyes. Cyrus being so short with him is causing something to tighten in Jonah’s chest. He tries to ignore that feeling building up inside him, pushes it down way back into the recesses of his mind as he finally takes a seat across from Cyrus.
Cyrus has finished cleaning up and has now focused his attention back on Jonah. He still looks nervous but also kind of determined, like he’s psyching himself up for something important.
“So…” Jonah begins, tapping his fingers on the tabletop, “what’s up? You said you wanted to talk.”
Cyrus nods in response. “I do. There’s…um…something I need to tell you.”
“Okay.” Jonah waits for him to start talking again, but it appears Cyrus has lost his nerve. His eyes are darting around the room anxiously as if he’s looking for an escape and Jonah doesn’t like it.
Cyrus was a bundle of nerves around him for the longest, jumping ten feet in the air if Jonah so much as said hello to him, but that had started to change. Cyrus was now seeking Jonah out, wanting to show him some funny video he saw on Tumblr, or tell him a story about both sets of his psychiatrist parents, and it was nice, having someone to laugh and joke around with but with the way this conversation is going their friendship is starting to backslide and Jonah can’t have that.
Jonah calls out to get Cyrus’ attention back on him. “Hey. Whatever it is, you know you can tell me, right? We’re friends, remember?”
“Right. Friends.” Cyrus repeats the word back slowly as if he’s just now learning what it means. “That’s the thing, Jonah, I don’t know if I can be friends with you anymore.”
Jonah’s face falls almost immediately after this statement. The tightening in his chest is back and his stomach is in knots. Cyrus doesn’t want to be friends with him anymore? That’s just…that’s not possible.
“But…But…But…” Jonah stammers, finding himself at a loss for words. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to regain some sort of control over this situation.
When Jonah’s eyes open back up he sees Cyrus biting his lip and wringing his hands and he hears himself blurt out, “What did I do? Whatever it is, I can fix it, I promise. Just…just tell me the truth.”
“You really want to know?” Cyrus questions lowly and when Jonah nods emphatically, Cyrus releases a sigh. He mutters something under his breath that Jonah can’t make out before his head drops down onto the table and he murmurs, “I like you.”
Jonah’s eyebrows furrow after Cyrus’ curious statement. That’s not what he was expecting to hear at all and it’s most definitely confusing him. Of course Cyrus likes him. If he didn’t they wouldn’t be friends, right?
“I like you too,” Jonah tells him without the slightest bit of hesitation and is surprised to hear Cyrus laugh softly from where his head is still resting on the table.
“As more than a friend,” he adds and when Cyrus lifts his head back up he says it again. “As more than a friend. I like you as more than a friend, Jonah, which is why I think it would be best if we didn’t hang out anymore. It’s too hard. Being around you is…it’s just too hard.”
Cyrus sits back in the booth after his confession, refusing to make eye contact with him, but Jonah is openly gaping at the young man. Cyrus’ words are playing in an endless loop in his head and he can’t shut them off no matter how hard he tries.
“I like you as more than a friend. Being around you is too hard. I don’t know if I can be friends with you anymore.”
Jonah doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what to do, or how to make any of this okay because it’s not okay. It’s not okay that he’s about to lose his best friend all because he can’t even get his mouth to work properly, to say something to make everything better. He can do this. He can fix this, right? He promised Cyrus he would fix this.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
The words fall off his tongue and pass his lips before he can stop them and Jonah hates himself for it almost as much as he hates the pained expression that covers Cyrus’ face after he’s said them. That hurt is quickly replaced with indifference and a half-shrug.
“I guess there’s really nothing to say. It was fun while it lasted. Bye, Jonah.”
Cyrus stands up from his seat and starts to leave and Jonah feels a panic attack coming on. He can’t just let him walk away like this, not without even trying to salvage this disaster he’s helped to create.
“Don’t go, Cyrus…please. Just…please don’t go.”
Jonah doesn’t even realize the grip he has on Cyrus’ wrist until he sees Cyrus’ eyes drop down to where he’s holding onto him. Jonah lets him go and tries not to let the blush rising in Cyrus’ cheeks distract him from what he’s trying to accomplish…which is what, exactly? Saving their friendship, he reminds himself.
“People get crushes on their friends all the time. It’s okay. It doesn’t have to change anything between us. You’re still Cyrus. I’m still Jonah. The rest of it doesn’t matter.”
Jonah knows almost immediately that he’s said the wrong thing because Cyrus scoffs and shakes his head in disbelief. “So, what you’re saying is, how I feel doesn’t matter?”
“That’s not what I meant!” Jonah exclaims, voice soaked in desperation because it looks as though Cyrus really is considering leaving and just ending their friendship.
That would mean no more walking home from school together, swapping stories about what they’ve done during the day. No more letting Cyrus beat him at Mario Kart just to see the smile light up on his face when he wins. No more Cyrus jerking him awake with an elbow to the ribs after falling asleep halfway through the first Harry Potter movie because, according to Cyrus, Jonah must be the only person ever not to find the boy wizard remotely interesting. No more…Cyrus.
That particular thought paralyzes Jonah. He’s gotten so accustomed to life with Cyrus that now even just the possibility of a life without him is inconceivable.
“Oh,” Jonah whispers, the realization hitting him like a frisbee to the face.
It’s been right there in front of him this whole time he’s just been too blind to see it, but Cyrus wasn’t. He knew how he felt, knew that their friendship was blossoming into something more. That tightness in Jonah’s chest wasn’t pain at all; it was something else, genuine affection for the boy sitting across from him. Suddenly, everything makes sense.
“Cyrus.” Jonah says his name so softly, so tenderly, that Cyrus, who is refusing to meet his gaze, can’t help turning his head to look at him.
What he sees, probably the millions of hearts in Jonah’s eyes, causes Cyrus to audibly gasp. He quickly recovers from his shock, however, and tries rather fruitlessly to go back to ignoring him.
Jonah smiles, his first real one since walking into the diner, and calls Cyrus’ name again. This time Cyrus rolls his eyes, throwing his hands up in dramatic fashion. “What do you want, Jonah?”
Jonah chuckles at the question. The answer to that is so simple he wonders what took him so long to realize it. His gaze drops to Cyrus’ hands and he starts to tentatively reach across the table, a half question finding its way to his lips. “Can I…?”
Jonah doesn’t finish his inquiry, doesn’t really have to, because Cyrus knows what he’s asking. He knows everything. Jonah doesn’t move again until he sees Cyrus nod, giving him the okay to do what he’s about to do.
He takes Cyrus’ hand in his, lacing their fingers together, and the moment he does Cyrus smiles at him and Jonah releases a sigh of relief. Being with Cyrus like this, holding his hand, feels as natural as breathing.
“I sent you a text that said ‘ur gnarly’ just out of the blue,” Jonah reminds him with a quiet laugh. “What was I thinking? Like, who even does that?”
“You do,” Cyrus points out and Jonah can’t help but agree.
“I do.” Jonah is playing with Cyrus’ fingers as he reveals, “I really do like it when you wear that vest to our games. I think you look cute in it.” There’s a pink tint to Cyrus’ cheeks, and Jonah finds that he really enjoys being the reason for it.
“I just…I always want to be around you. I will literally make up the dumbest excuse to spend time with you. I like you, Cyrus, as more than a friend. I hope that’s okay.”
Cyrus feigns annoyance by sighing overdramatically at him. “I guess it’s okay.” They both laugh until Cyrus speaks again, a seriousness to his tone. “You know, I was really scared to tell you how I felt. I thought you’d hate me or that you wouldn’t want to be friends. But I just knew I needed to be brave enough to tell you the truth, even it meant losing you.”
“You are brave,” Jonah tells him, “braver than I ever could be.”
“Well, duh, that’s why you like me so much,” Cyrus jokes, his playfulness returning, and Jonah loves seeing him like this again, hates the fact that he almost lost him for good.
Jonah brings Cyrus’ hand up to his lips and places a soft kiss to the back of it. Cyrus’ face heats up again just from the simple act of affection. “I really do like you,” Jonah reiterates, voice soft and heartfelt and Cyrus smiles warmly at him.
“I like you too.” Jonah thinks he’ll never get tired of hearing those words.
A few moments of quiet reflection pass between them before Jonah asks, “So…since you like me so much, does that mean I don’t have to watch any more Harry Potter movies?”
The look of betrayal that covers Cyrus’ face is comical. “Oh no you don’t, Jonah Beck. You’re not getting out of that one. We’re getting a few orders of baby taters to-go and then we’re heading back to my house to start on the extended editions. I’ll make a Potterhead out of you, just you wait.”
Jonah can only grin widely as he’s dragged out of the booth because he’s with Cyrus and that’s all that really matters.