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Something on the Waverider was off, and it was the fault of Mick Rory and Ray Palmer.
Everybody knew they were close, but then things started getting weird. The knowing looks, the constant sneaking off together, the hidden laughs and smiles.
“They’re fucking,” announced Sara, sitting down with Jax and taking a swig of her beer. “They have to be fucking.”
“Why didn’t you get me a beer?” asked Jax.
“Underage!” chimed in Stein, “Temporal zone or not.” Jax looking miffed, Martin began to speak again. “But I happen to agree with you, Miss Lance.”
“Why don’t they feel like they can tell us?” asked Amaya, making her way over from where she was sitting with Nate. “They know we don’t care, right?”
“I think the more important question is how long has it been going on?” interjected Sara. “Has it been since the gulag?”
“No,” said Nate, “because I was not there for the gulag, and this has been recent.”
“Up until a few days ago, I had thought Mick liked me,” said Amaya, looking a little stressed and concerned.
“Not a problem sister, you have enough people on this ship who want to get in your pants,” said Jax, motioning at Nate.
“I’m so mad,” Sara continued, “Why won’t they admit it to us?”
“First one to get them to admit it gets a prize.”
All the eyes in the room turned towards Stein, who usually disliked making bets due to his loosing streak. Last time he had to do everyone’s laundry for a week because he forgot who sang a song from the 90s. “What would this prize be?” said Jax, already getting a mischievous glint in his eyes.
Stein smiled, and looked at Sara. “Captain’s choice, I suppose.”
Sara grinned deviously, already forming an idea. “Winner gets to choose the next place we go for vacation.” With a prize too good to pass up, it was on.
+
Professor Stein was nothing if not logical. He was smart and educated, but above all he was logical. And his logical senses were telling him that in order to win this bet, he needed to use a quality that was his strength, and either Mr. Rory or Mr. Palmer’s weakness, and Mr. Palmer was the safer, if not easier choice.
He was good with words. And Raymond was not.
Which is exactly how Martin and Ray ended up doing laundry together, with Martin throwing double entendres at him left and right. It started off more innocently with “You and Mr. Rory seem to be close” and “You two have been spending an awful lot of time together lately” but it had devolved into, well… this.
“Is Mr. Rory sleeping well these days, Raymond?”
“I’d assume so Professor. Why wouldn’t he be?”
Stein cursed under his breath. He had forgotten to account for Ray’s most prevalent trait; his cluelessness. “I just figured with, the Legion of Doom and the rest of the events of our most recent saga.”
Ray smiled like an overgrown puppy. “Well, as far as I know he’s quite fine sir!”
Martin sighed. This was proving to be much more difficult than he thought. “Are you taking care of his tech, Mr. Palmer?”
“You mean the heat gun? Of course!”
“You keep it… clean for him?”
“Um, I’m not sure quite what you mean sir.”
“Raymond, I’m asking you if you polish his gun.”
Ray looked confused. “I mean Mick prefers to do maintenance on that level himself. I deal more with the inner workings of the gun- wait, Professor, why are you leaving?”
Martin had stormed out of the room grumbling, where a laughing Sara and Jax were waiting for him. He looked Jax dead in the eye, and said “Your turn.”
+
Jax decided to take a note from Gray’s playbook; Mick and Ray’s weaknesses were the way to get them to crack. But Jax decided to pick on a different trait. Both men seemed to be rather hotheaded, and I would know something about that he said, causing Sara to burst out into laughter when the team decided it was his turn after Martin’s failure.
He quickly noticed that whenever they were alone, they said they were going to the cargo bay for “repairs”. At this point, they were really the only two people on the ship that had tech in need of repairs, so they were really the only ones who used the cargo bay, so they were always alone when they were there.
If Jax could get them angry enough about losing their precious alone time, well, the Legends next stop would be the Maldives.
“Hey everyone, Mick and I are going to the cargo bay for repairs if anyone needs us,” announced Ray, quite happily.
Jax smiled. This was his chance. “Oh wait, while you guys are down there, could you do me a favor?” He handed Ray a piece of engine that would be very easy for anyone relatively well versed in car engineering, which Ray was not. “I just can’t seem to figure it out!” he lied through his teeth.
Rays smile faltered for a second, but was quickly replaced with an even wider and mildly faker grin. “Sure! No problem buddy!” Mick grunted, and dragged Ray away by the collar of his shirt. Jax smiled; this was going exactly as planned.
Every time they went down to the engine room, Jax would give Ray another small, but complicated piece to work on. It only took until the fifth time for Mick to snap. Ray was about to accept another small piece of engine from Jax when Mick slapped it out of his hand. “Stop giving Haircut these stupid engine things to do!”
Jax smiled. Perfect. “And why should I stop doing that? Ray seems to be fine with it.”
“Because he doesn’t understand them!” Mick roared. “It takes him longer to do. He can focus on the suit or the gun while still talking to me, but he doesn’t know car engines. He can’t work on those and talk to me at the same time!”
Jax was shocked. That was a much more heartfelt sentiment than he had been expecting, and he did not get Mick to say the words “we’re fucking”, so he hadn’t won and his turn was up.
“Aw Mick, I never knew you cared so much!” said Ray, punching Mick’s arm in an upsettingly platonic manner. “Well, here’s your engine back, Jax,” he said, and then left for the control room with Mick.
Everyone was just as stunned as he was, until they began laughing at yet another failure, making Jax a little angry. “This isn’t so easy!” he yelled. “You try it!”
+
Amaya was next, and she knew that at one point Mick had liked her. Even if it was just an aesthetic thing, she assumed there might have been enough residual left to get him just drawn in enough to admit he was sleeping with Ray.
And here’s the kicker; she’s more attractive than Mick. She knows that, even by 21st century standards, she still attractive. Nate and Sara have no problem constantly telling her so. Mick was buff sure, but Amaya was gorgeous. She absolutely outranked him. Essentially, her plot to seduce Mick should have ended in one of two ways; either Mick refused to sleep with her because he was sleeping with Ray (preferable), or she would have to quickly back out of getting in to bed with Mick Rory (which would be difficult, but doable).
The evening should not have ended with her drinking three beers and recounting to the other Legends the story of how Mick rejected her.
Earlier she had left the rest of the group, sans Ray as he was in the med bay after another mission gone wrong, to find Mick, whom she correctly assumed would be drinking alone. Drunk meant lower inhibitions, so he was more likely to admit to a secret affair.
She walked in and they had a normal conversation, she doesn’t even really remember what it was about, and then she had sat on his lap. Mick laughed gruffly, pushing her off. “Woah there girlie, what are you doing?”
She laughed, and put her hand on his shoulder. “Come on, Mick. You know what I’m doing. You want this.”
Mick shrugged her off. “No I don’t sweetheart. And you don’t either.”
Amaya pouted. “Why not? You’re hot, I’m hot. It was meant to be.”
“What would your boyfriend think about that?” said Mick. “Plus, I gotta go check on Haircut in the med bay anyway. Catch ya later, I won’t tell the metal idiot about this, don’t worry.”
And here was Amaya, the laughingstock of the Legends. “Seduction, not a bad idea, though!” said Nate in between laughs and sips of beer. “Just might try that myself!”
Sara guffawed. “If he’s gonna to try to seduce Mick, I wanna save him for last. I’m going next! And then off to Steamboat, Colorado!”
“And how are you gonna get a confession out of em boss?” said Jax slurring his words. After everyone else was three beers in, they forgot that he wasn’t supposed to be drinking.
“In the fucking act,” said Sara. “That’s the only way we’re gonna do this. In the fucking act.”
+
Sara, like Jax, had picked up on the whole “cargo bay” situation. She figured out how long they spent down there (on average, about 45 minutes), and they’d need time to get their clothes off.
So the very next day, when Ray announced he and Mick were going to the cargo bay, Sara smiled and set a timer for fifteen minutes. She smiled to the rest of the legends. “Steamboat, here we come.”
The timer went off and Sara smiled, and strolled downstairs. She stopped outside the cargo door and heard banging. Exactly what she had been hoping for. She messed up her hair, took a few steps back and ran into the room pushing the doors open. “I knew it! You two are having sex!”
Mick put down the gun he was polishing, at the opposite end of the room from Ray. “Well damn, Haircut, I wish you’d told me. I would’ve put my gun down.” Sara gawked. Ray had his headphones in and was hammering away at the ATOM suit. That’s what the banging was.
Ray pulled one ear bud out and asked, “Hey Mick, why is Sara here?”
“She caught us screwing,” said Mick.
Ray smiled goodifly. “We’re screwing?” he asked. “I would’ve put down the hammer!”
Sara rolled her eyes and talked off. She looked at the other Legends, eagerly awaiting her return. She looked Nate dead in the eyes, pointed at him, and said “You.”
Then she went too the galley. She needed a drink.
+
Nate wouldn’t tell anyone his plan.
Nate was smart enough to know that everyone expected him to fail. But Nate was also a historian. And he had been given a large history of failures to work from.
Stein had failed, because he had put Ray in a low-pressure situation. Ray only stumbled on his words when he felt uncomfortable.
Jax had failed because he didn’t make Mick angry about the right thing. Losing time was one thing, but if Mick were to actually lose Ray? That’s when he would get really angry.
Amaya had failed, because when discussing love, nobody goes to war over themselves. Helen of Troy didn’t got to war; her husband did. And it was because he was jealous.
Sara failed because her plan had been dumb. Well, it also hadn’t been in public. But mostly because it was dumb.
Looking at all of these aspects of what they did right and wrong, Nate came up with conditions for his plan. It had to be in public, He had to make Mick jealous and angry, he had to make Ray uncomfortable. He quickly figured out that there was only one possibility.
He had to flirt with Ray Palmer, in front of Mick Rory.
He was either dumb, suicidal, or both.
+
The next day in the brig, Nate felt himself begin to blush as he stepped closer to Ray and ask what the other man was doing. Ray began to smile and spew technobabble at him that he didn’t understand, when he put a hand on Ray’s bicep.
It was as if time stopped.
Everyone’s eyes were on him. Amaya, Sara, Jax, and Stein all had looks of recognition on their face. Ray looked confused and then blushed. And Mick, well Mick looked furious. This was all according to plan, thought Nate, taking a deep breath.
Ray sputtered, and continued to speak, but at a much more babbling pace. Mick was glaring daggers into the back of Nate’s head, but there hadn’t been any action yet.
Nate swallowed his fear and his pride. It was time for a more extreme move.
Ray suddenly stopped talking and squeaked. An actual, real live squeak.
The rest of the team looked confused, because Ray had stopped talking. Jax was the first to realize, with a muttered “Oh my god.” Sara followed Jax’s gaze, and her mouth fell open. The professor was next, with a quiet “Oh my”, and Amaya looked somewhere between amused and upset.
Then Mick saw Nate’s hand on Ray’s upper thigh.
Suddenly Nate was on the floor, and his face stung in three different places. His was pretty sure the angry mass on top of him was Mick, but he couldn’t be positive until he heard Ray shout, “Mick, stop!”
“And why should I?” roared Mick, in between punches. “The little bastard wouldn’t take his hands off you!” Nate felt Sara trying to pull Mick off of him, the only one who would dare. He felt one more punch land on his face before Mick was off him. Mick made another run at Nate before Ray interrupted.
“Mick stop!” Ray yelled. “You know I would never do anything with Nate because I love you! I love you!”
The room stopped again, and Sara let go of Mick. Mick moved so quickly Nate flinched, until he realized that Mick was kissing Ray in front of all of them. “I love you too, Haircut.”
Sara almost cooed. “Aw, I thought you guys were just doing it! I didn’t know you were in love!”
Ray took Mick’s hand and faced everyone else. “Yes, well, we’re in love. Please don’t be bothered by it, please don’t be weird about it.”
Mick hugged Ray to his chest tightly and protectively. “Anyone who’s gonna be weird about it can answer to me. Any questions?” Nate raised his hand. “Not you, dumbass.”
Nate groaned as he opened his mouth. “Not a question,” he said, “But I win.”
Jax immediately yelled “No you did not!”
Ray looked confused. “Wait, what does Nate win?”
Jax looked apathetic. “Long story, but basically bet to see who could admit you guys to screwing each other first, winner chooses the next location, but Nate will not be choosing the next location because he did not win!”
Nate repeated, “I win.”
Sara chuckled. “Actually, Nate, you did not win. Ray admitted to Mick, not you, so he gets to choose our next location.”
Nate frowned. “So I got beat up for nothing?”
“So where to next, Mr. Rory?” asked Stein.
Amaya groaned. “Why even ask? Gideon set a course for Aruba.”
“Course set for Aruba, Ms. Jiwe.”
“Wait!” yelled Mick. “Abort course!”
“Course aborted, Mr. Rory.”
Mick turned to Sara. “I really get to choose the next place we dock for vacation?” he asked. Sara nodded, and Mick turned back to Ray. “Where to next, babe?”
“You’re letting me choose?” asked Ray, smiling as widely as ever.
“We have to deal with pet names now too?” groaned Nate, “I did not get beat up for this.”
“How does everyone feel about Tel Aviv? Actually, I don’t have to ask. I get to choose! Gideon, set a course for Tel Aviv.”
“Course set for Tel Aviv, Mr. Palmer.” Ray smiled, and gave Mick a gentle kiss on the cheek. Mick smiled.
“Get a fucking room!”