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He had a palette just for green paint, another for blue. He had every hue of blue and every shade of green that existed but still it didn’t seem enough. How do you capture the different shades of blue the water could take? How could you capture the green hues of his eyes as they expressed everything from love and joy to anger and sadness? Not that Haru had ever seen anger reflected in those gentle eyes. Haru had no memory of a time when he was not acquainted with those beautiful green eyes, yet at most he had seen annoyance and irritation in those eyes but never anger. Haru didn’t think those eyes were capable of expressing anger.
He had tried painting those eyes lit-up in anger, however. It was morbid curiosity where he imagined what those eyes would look like if Makoto was Poseidon, angrily rebuking Odysseus for not thanking him for his aid in the Trojan war and then later blinding Poseidon's son but he couldn’t. Anger just seemed wrong in those eyes. In the end, he abandon that painting and instead drew Poseidon Makoto fashioning the creatures of the sea with his beautiful green eyes dancing in joy and delight. That seemed more fitting his gentle bestfriend… bestfriend, when had that word ceased to be enough and start to hurt?
Haru sighed and turned his concentration back to the canvas. He was drawing Repun Kamuy, the water god of the Ainu people of Japan. Haru’s grandmother, who was originally from Hokkaido and was part Ainu, used to tell him about the Ainu people. Haru’s favourite stories were about Repun Kamuy, the water god of the Ainu people. Whenever he heard stories about the god, Haru always imagined him as Makoto, not only because the stories of the god seemed to fit Makoto’s personality but also because Makoto swam like an orca and Repun Kamuy often took the form of an orca.
“Haru,” came Rin’s voice, “Are you in there?” Without waiting for an answer, Rin pushed open the door of the storehouse and stepped in. Haru was beginning to regret telling Rin about this place.
“What are you doing here, Rin?” wondered Haru.
“I came to hangout,” said Rin, “But you weren’t at your house and Makoto’s mom said he was helping with the returning fishing fleet. So I figured you would be here, taking advantage of Makoto’s absence to paint him as a god in some sort of messed-up devotion.”
“There is nothing messed-up about this,” protested Haru.
“O yeah, then show these to Makoto. I dare you!” countered Rin.
“Leave me alone!” Haru demanded and returned to his painting, ignoring Rin.
Rin huffed but he didn’t leave. Instead he turned his attention to the canvases on display. Couple of new ones had been added since he was last here. It was purely by accident that Rin had discovered Haru’s secret. Some weeks ago, Rin had come to hangout with Makoto and Haru. He had tried to call both but neither picked-up. But since he was in the area anyway, to do a few things at his grandmother’s house, he dropped by. That’s when he found out that Makoto often worked hauling fish on the weekends and so was at the port for the day.
Disappointed at Makoto’s, Rin had turned towards Haru’s house and that’s when he saw Haru heading-up the steps towards the shrine with a bag from an art supply store in one hand. Naturally Rin had gone up to Haru and asked what he was upto. Haru had tried to deflect, tried to wiggle out of it but being a bad liar, he had no choice but to admit the truth. Haru was borrowing an empty storehouse on the shrine grounds to do some watercolour canvas paintings. Of course Rin wanted to see the paintings, if only because Haru had been trying to hide them to begin with. Haru tried to resist but Rin could be very pushy. Haru gave-in and showed Rin his secret storehouse full of paintings that even Makoto didn’t know about.
That was how Rin unwittingly walked into a storehouse full of Makoto paintings. Makoto as a child, Makoto as he was now, naked Makoto, merman Makoto, knight Makoto. But most of the canvases were unfinished, some had clearly been abandoned in anger and bore signs that seem to indicated that Haru had angrily hurled his paintbrush at the offending canvas.
At the time, only one painting of Makoto was complete and as soon as he saw it, Rin had felt his heart sink because on the canvas, in all his glory was Makoto as Suijin the shinto god of water. Rin didn’t know much about art but even he could tell that the painting would have been difficult to make. If only because it was blue on blue with Makoto’s form rising from the blue background in shades of blue but appearing to be just under the waterline. The kanji for Suijin intricately woven into the canvas, appearing from some angles but were totally invisible from others. The only other colour on the canvas being the vibrant green that seemed, to Rin at least, to perfectly capture the seductive look Makoto was capable off but rarely ever wore. Rin had only seen it once, when Makoto was delivering his lines for Nagisa’s dating simulation challenge.
Yet, Makoto was a god in that canvas. Since then, everytime Rin had visited Haru in his storehouse of paintings, he had found more and more completed pictures of Makoto as varies water deities. Haru had even enlisted Rei into helping him research water gods from around the world. Not that Rei knew what Haru was doing with the information he was supplying. As far as Rei knew, Haru was only interested in water deities because of his love of water. Rin wondered if Rei would share his concerns, would understand why Rin’s heart sank everytime he saw another portrait of Makoto as a god, if he knew what Haru was actually doing.
“Haru,” Rin tried again, turning away from a canvas showing Makoto as Apam Napat - the hindu god of water. “You can’t keep doing this. You can’t worship Makoto.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Haru replied, “I am not worshipping him.”
“No? Then tell me why the pictures of Makoto as he is or when he was a kid aren’t complete? Hell even mer-Makoto is not enough for you! You only ever completed pictures of Makoto as gods. Why?” he demanded, Haru didn’t answer, “What are you trying to do Haru?”
“What am I trying to do?” thought Haru, “Isn’t it obvious, Rin? I love Makoto. I love him with all my heart and soul but he’s beyond the reach of my love. It’s as if I am in love with a god. I am not painting these as some sort of warped devotion, elevating Makoto onto a pedestal as a god. No, that’s not it. This is simply a reflection of the distance between us,” but those were words Haru would never say out loud, could never say out loud. He kept them inside him and let Rin believe what he would.
By the time Rin left for the station, he was utterly depressed. He wanted Haru to stop painting those pictures. He wanted Haru to just… just what? Rin didn’t even know what the issue was. If he accepted Haru’s insistence that he wasn’t worshipping Makoto then why did he keep drawing him as a god? It didn’t make sense and Rin desperately wanted to make sense of it all, because Haru was his friend and Rin wanted to know that his friend was okay. Right now it seemed as if he wasn’t okay.
“Rin! Hey, Rin!” he heard a familiar voice call his name. Turning around he saw Makoto run-up to him. Makoto stopped some distance away with an apologetic smile, “Sorry, I stink of fish,” he explained before asking, “Were you visiting Haru?”
Before Rin could stop himself, the question slipped out of his lips, “Why would Haru draw someone as a water god?”
“Ha?”
“I mean, if Haru was drawing someone as a water god, why would he do it?” asked Rin again.
“Is Haru drawing someone as a water god?” wondered Makoto.
“Ma… mackerels. Haru is drawing mackerel water gods,” Rin deflected lamely.
Makoto blinked, “Well that doesn’t really make sense,” he said, “I mean, if Haru was drawing someone as a water god it would mean Haru loved them like he does water. Maybe even more! But,” Makoto thought for awhile, “Haru wouldn't just draw anyone or anything as a god. Especially since his grandmother always taught him that gods were distant beings whose influence on the world was all encompassing but who were still separate from the world, free to abandon the world should they choose.. So I guess you could say that gods represent distance and influence to Haru, and maybe a certain degree of freedom.”
Something clicked into place in Rin’s mind. But what was he supposed to do about it? Could he tell Makoto Haru’s secret? Haru would never trust him again! Yet if he didn’t, “Makoto, you should talk to Haru.”
“Ah?”
“Just… just tell him how you feel about him,” said Rin, Makoto looked a bit panicked, “I think he needs to hear it,” Rin continued, “I know you guys seem to magically know everything about each other before having to say it out loud and share it but this once, he needs to hear it. So please, just talk to him.”
About three weeks after his conversation with Makoto, Rin received a text from Nagisa telling him about an art exhibition that was happening at the Iwatobi High School auditorium. It was an open exhibition of various local artists but a number of paintings from Iwatobi high school students had been included.
Including one by Haru. A beautiful portrait of Makoto seemingly floating in deep blue water with his lush green eyes alight with love and joy. Nagisa included a photo of the painting with his message, but assured Rin that it did not do the actual painting much justice. Rin was sure it did not but there was one thing Rin was sure off from that photo, Makoto wasn’t a god in this painting.