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Gon remembered the first time Killua slept over his house as if it had happened last night rather than eight years past.
He most clearly remembered Killua gaping at him when he’d asked, his startling blue eyes blown wide and round cheeks flushing pink.
“A- a sleepover?” he’d squeaked. It was slight, but Gon noticed the slight tremor in his friend’s voice. “You- you want me to stay over for the night? Here? In your home?”
“Mhm!” he hummed and watched Killua curiously. “What do you think?”
“But…my parents, they-”
“It’s just one night, Killua,” Gon said, tugging lightly on Killua’s sleeve to pull him closer, even as the other boy’s face clouded over with worry. “You can borrow my pajamas- the ones you like with the cat faces on them! Oh! And maybe you can use my toothbrush if Aunt Mito is okay with it? Since you don’t have one here. Or we could go out and buy a new one! We could rent movies and buy candy and-”
“Gon!” Killua interrupted, looking slightly overwhelmed.
Gon just beamed. He swung their arms back and forth in the space between them, saying excitedly, “It would be a lot of fun! We wouldn’t have to say goodbye! Wouldn’t you like that?”
Killua chewed on his bottom lip. He was silent for a few minutes and Gon hopped impatiently on his feet. Why wasn’t Killua saying yes?
“What about when we go to bed?” Killua finally asked. “I didn’t bring a sleeping bag or a pillow or anything.”
Gon cocked his head to the side. He didn’t get it; why was Killua asking that? Killua was smart, Gon knew because they had been best friends for years now. He knew that Killua knew the Freecss’ apartment wasn’t big enough for an extra bedroom. So that could only mean-
“You’ll sleep with me, of course!” Gon said brightly. “In my bedroom, in my bed!”
Killua’s flabbergasted expression at Gon’s declaration had left Gon laughing for days.
But that was years and years ago. Sleeping together in Gon’s bed had become a normality to them- like walking to school together as their hands lightly brushed, sitting next to each other at the same lunch table every day, helping Aunt Mito at the bakery while the sweet scent of fresh cakes was slowly absorbed into their hair and clothes.
It was normal. It was familiar. Even being Ladybug at the start of his teenage years hadn’t changed anything. Gon still slept on the right side of his bed, next to the wall because Killua had been terrified of Gon falling off the mattress in the middle of the night when they were younger. Gon knew this without having to be told, and usually the presence of his best friend calmed him enough to sleep before Killua could even snuggle under the covers.
Tonight was different, though. And Gon couldn’t figure out why.
It had been hours since they’d climbed into bed together. Killua had passed out within minutes of his head hitting the pillow, lines of exhaustion clear on his face. Killua had been more and more tired lately and although Gon had noticed, he hadn’t asked why. He understood enough that if Killua wanted to talk about what was bothering him, he would. If he didn’t, he would avoid the topic all together.
Gon had seen a very clear example of that just a few nights ago when he found Killua sitting alone on the roof. Even though Gon had been Ladybug that night, Killua had somehow been able to open up to him in a way he never did around Gon’s civilian self. Gon felt like he’d learned more about his best friend in those few nighttime hours as Ladybug than he had since the day they met as children on the playground.
Gon gazed at Killua’s sleeping face, mulling over that night’s events and hardly daring to breathe in fear of having midnight blue eyes snap open and land on his face. And that was the last thing in the world Gon wanted; Killua looked peaceful and relaxed and so much younger like this. The tension so often present in the Zoldyck’s expression was gone now. Sometimes Killua walked around like he held the world on his shoulders, and it made Gon’s heart ache.
Slowly, carefully, Gon lifted his arm out from under the covers. He reached out with his hand, his broad fingers hovering over Killua’s cheeks-chin-lips before finally brushing a silver lock off Killua’s forehead. Gon couldn’t help but notice how Killua’s hair glowed like starlight where the moonlight touched it.
Just like that night a few days ago as Ladybug, Gon was struck by Killua’s elegant beauty. He’d never given much thought to Killua’s appearance before now; he loved Killua for his humor, his wit, his daring character that had him chasing after and ahead of Gon on even the worst days.
But now…
Gon’s heart fluttered. Now Gon couldn’t help but notice everything about Killua. He caught himself staring at Killua during class, distracted by the shape of his mouth. He leaned closer to Killua on the bus just to catch a whiff of his strawberry shampoo. And now the look of Killua’s peaceful face was enough to leave Gon breathless and his skin tingling with warmth.
It was a weird feeling, being so- so aware of someone he’d known and loved since he was a kid. It was weird to have his stomach twist and turn whenever Killua’s piercing gaze was focused on him. The only time he’d ever felt anything kind of similar to it was when he was with Chat-
Gon’s fingers curled into a fist. Chat. His partner. His other best friend. His crush, the person he should be having all of these feelings for, and still did.
But this was different. Because suddenly the person he was staring at in wonder was Killua, and the butterflies he so often had around Chat were now coming to life in the presence of someone entirely new but completely familiar.
Gon swallowed thickly. He lightly traced the faint freckles scattered across pale cheeks, ran his finger down soft, smooth skin the color of ivory and porcelain. He drank in the sight of his best and most precious friend as Killua slept on, blissfully unaware of the turmoil wrecking Gon’s mind.
A quiet sigh escaped between Killua’s lips and something hot and burning coiled inside of Gon’s gut. The abrupt urge to pull Killua close and crush him to his chest startled Gon. His fingers twitched and he had to make a conscious effort not to move.
Gon bit the inside of his cheek until the sharp taste of iron filled his mouth. What was happening to him?!
Gon buried his face into his pillow and grit his teeth hard enough for his jaw to ache. He tried to breathe evenly, to somehow stop the loud pounding of his heart, but the lack of sight only made the strange, pulsing want inside him worse.
Because now, every time he closed his eyes, all Gon could see was Killua.