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You eventually learn to find the irony in your current situation. Your own creation, your trademark weapon, which you thought was so clever bit you in the ass. Hard. You probably should’ve considered that possibility, analyzed it closely. An umbrella that pops magical energy like pringles, belonging to a being made of magical energy. Put two and two together. As far is it was concerned, you were a whole sleeve of X-Treme Chili pringles and you got vored. If that dwarf hadn’t stabbed you in the back, quite fucking literally, you wouldn’t find yourself in this upsettingly cliche little room. You have a penchant for aesthetics, and black velvet would’ve never been your first choice. You guess there’s really no accounting for taste.
Time loses meaning for you rather quickly. It doesn’t matter in this dark room, where you only have yourself for company. You drift in and out of consciousness with nothing worthwhile to ground you. Some days you grasp at the motivation to try to figure your situation out, but it’s mostly the dull and endless drone of your own thoughts.
Slowly, you start to figure it out. You can hear water dripping farther down the cave, or see the vault door. The one that holds a Mr. Rockseeker. You can hold a fuzzy picture in your mind if you concentrate on it. It never lasts very long, or becomes very clear, but it’s something. You’re doing something.
✰✰✰
One day, not too long after you are trapped you have the oddest sensation. You’ve always held the belief that they were looking for you firmly in your mind. You could feel it. Taako and Barry wouldn’t give up; they couldn’t. But suddenly, that thought wavers in your mind, and slips between your fingers. They weren’t looking anymore, which meant something was terribly wrong. Something awful happened without you there to stop it. You tell yourself they’re okay. They have to be. You can feel your form fizzing on the edges, as if it has less to anchor itself to now. You feel truly, deeply hollow.
✰✰✰
The silence becomes tolerable, comfortable even when you have a goal to focus on. It’s not like you had any other choice. You were stuck with quiet, until one day you weren’t. You hear conflict, and sense movement for the first time in years. Some of the presences are so familiar your chest aches and you want to scream. Maybe they didn’t truly forget or give up, it just took them a while to get to you. Regardless, they’re here! You will all of your energy to end up in Taako’s hand. It doesn’t feel quite right, but it’s the most at home you’ve felt since you were separated from him. Being around him again is like shaking a limb awake, a part of you that fell unused is back. Your heart swells, and a little bit of your hope returns.
You find it odd that he doesn’t recognize your weapon. He was there when you very first tested it out. He must have seen your body too. What isn’t clicking here? There is something off that you haven’t placed your bony finger on yet. However, you can help now, you can keep them safe. You can figure out what’s been happening to them and you can fix it. That’s more than enough for you.
This is the best things have been for you in a long, long time.
✰✰✰
You have a couple more good moments. Your heart soars when you hear them talk about Barry. Who else could they be talking about? That means he’s fine and everyone survived you being gone. You even hear his voice for a moment. You’re so happy you don’t know what to do with yourself! As soon as you can get out of this tiny room, you’ll get to see both of them again and everything will be fine. Getting out of here is the trick, though.
That doesn’t last very long. You hear the entire fight. You even think you feel the heat radiate its way back to you. And, he’s gone again. Or, physically speaking he is. You just got him back and he’s gone again. It’s your fucking fault too. It was your relic after all, with its circles of black glass and flames licking up and leaving nothing behind. You thought it was pretty great when you made it. All larger than life, with the flair you put into everything. Fuck your penchant for the dramatic, and further more fuck you for making it in the first place. You know he’s not dead permanently but he was so, so, so close. He didn’t even know it.
You realize how disgustingly hypocritical it is that you’re foaming at the mouth over one death, when you witnessed dozens more at the hand of that gauntlet. You’re mad at yourself for that too. You tried to stop it, and you failed.
✰✰✰
A lot happens all the time with your boys, you learn. You still consider them your boys; they’re some of your best friends. In fact, you catch a very very very familiar voice. That is the once meek Lucretia telling the boys to call her the ‘Director’, is it not? They follow her request, which puzzles you even more. How do they not know her? The rabbit hole grows ever deeper, and you want nothing more than to scream at all of them. To tell them what they seem to be missing.
Lucretia sounds so different, older and more tired than you ever remembered her. She seems so powerful and sure of herself, forcing the boys through trials and moving into an employer role. The thought that she’s had some hand in whatever fuckery is afoot gnaws at where your stomach you should be. Despite that, you’re so relieved to know she’s okay.
✰✰✰
If there is one thing that’s remained a constant in this weird-ass situation you’ve found yourself in, its Taako’s ability to make you laugh. He can’t even hear you, but you’re cracking up. He stood so firmly by his decision to cast himself as a mongoose, and his defense is comedic gold. You wish you could give him a hug, to reassure him that yes he is a fully realized creation, and he shouldn’t be so worked up about it. You can’t do any of that, which doesn’t stop you from enjoying the show.
When you pause to think about it, there was something to his decision. He didn’t remember anything, but he still went back to the mongeese somehow. Some part of you, of your shared experiences, was so much apart of him that whatever was affecting him couldn’t tear it away from him. While hearing him yell to defend his obviously very personal decision was as funny and endearing as ever, you realize that it must’ve mattered so much to him and he had no way of knowing why it struck a chord with him.
✰✰✰
Hearing Barry’s voice after being so intensely worried about him is a bigger relief than you can describe. He’s breaking through whatever is plaguing everyone else! He wants to help too. You’ve always loved him with every ounce of you, but in this moment you manage to make a little more room. He tells them he’s proud of them, you feel yourself grinning. Of course Barry would be there, would be supporting them!
You deflate when they say they don’t trust him. What in the fuck would cause them not to trust Barry? You’ve put some of the puzzle pieces together, they have memories missing. A lot of them. There’s something so unshakably wrong, which you already knew, but it hits you like a freight train. It’s so much worse than you thought, and you can’t help. You feel your hands clench around shaking fistfuls of black velvet. You want nothing more than to tear this place to shreds. To burn it all down. To break out, and stare all of them down and demand an explanation.
They don’t trust Barry. They don’t trust Barry.
✰✰✰
Most of the time, you’re in deep focus. You know you have to make Taako notice you, and it takes so much time to find enough energy. You still think it’s worth it to split your focus to keep an eye on things outside of your little umbrella prison. There are some moments where it was very, very worth your effort. When the vogue lichelves (who you hold some respect for, even if they’re terrible because goddamn they have their acts together) ask Taako to forfeit some of his beauty, you gasp. You drop everything else you’re doing, and turn your focus to the scene playing outside.
You are rapidly reminded, as you are frequently, of how fucking phenomenal Magnus Burnsides is. He gets Taako, and what a heavy request that is for him. That’s admirable enough. You file that as something to mention when you get out of here, if you get out of here. You wait with baited breath for this drama to play out, and you gasp a second time, louder than the first, as Taako says he’ll take it. He truly is taking this seriously, that much you know. However, all of your tension slips out of you when he charms himself. That was the sweet baby brother you knew! He was a devious little shit, and you loved him for it.
You clap to no one, but it feels necessary.
✰✰✰
You’re always elated to hear Barry, and when he shows up, lich form or not, you could sing. You find yourself more attentive when he’s present. Not that you don’t love Taako, or anyone else, but they’ve been constants. You’ve been sick with guilt over destroying Barry’s corporeal form, even indirectly. You thought you burned his one freebie, which you learn was not the case. He had lots of chances, and he burned so many of them up for all of you. You wish you had some way of telling him you were right there. Hearing him confused, not recognizing the boys all over again makes you terribly nervous, even though it seems like he’s done it many times before.
His opening spiel to himself could bring you to tears, if you were physically capable. Even when he can’t remember you, he’s burdened with the weight of you. As he briefs himself, hearing what you had, what you were, put so plainly forces how much you miss him to the front of your mind. A familiar sensation seeps back into your bones; you feel so fucking claustrophobic and angry. You hate this room, you hate this umbrella, you hate yourself for creating it in an inadvertent way. You want to watch it all crumble to ash. You have only yourself to blame for your current predicament. You’re the reason for all of your own grief, and you want nothing more to convince someone to smash this thing to bits.
✰✰✰
Taako thinks you’re gone. He doesn’t realize you’re there, and he doesn’t care any more. You want to tell him not to be mad at Lucretia, but you’re hurting too. It’s all falling into place; you’re staring at the completed puzzle. You hope he is too. He has to figure it out soon! You spelled out your fucking name, for gods’ sake.
Magnus figured it out. Magnus Burnsides, he who rushes first and thinks second supposedly, figured it out before Taako. You can tell he knows from how he tells Taako that you’re “with him.” He means it more literally than Taako seems to get. He means it as literally as he possibly can. You are in his actual literal elf hands, if you could just get out.
✰✰✰
It takes your brother, who you love so so dearly, fucking ages to finally snap that glorified umbrella over his leg. But, boy oh boy do you come back with a bang. Literally and metaphorically speaking. You light up waves and waves of Hunger with all of your pent up energy. To round it all of, you rebound on your brother, dropping the heaviest bomb in your arsenal. You don’t think about the fact that no one knows about him and Kravitz at first, you’ve just been itching to talk to him about it. As your glow dies down, and the fire in your fingers fades away, you look around you. A wave of primarily familiar faces stare back, all wearing different shades of shock and awe. You grin, all larger than life and flames again. It is good to be back, baby!
You are so glad to be free of that ugly, tacky ass black velvet.