Chapter Text
March 2013 - Stark Tower, New York
It only occurred to Tony Stark three months after his surgery, fifteen weeks after blowing up the Iron Legion, and a hell of a lot of days after his life had impossibly changed in a cave in Afghanistan, that he might have made a few mistakes.
The first was probably coming back to New York at all, without shrapnel in his chest, and without the suit to help if a portal in the sky opened once again. The second was destroying every single suit without thinking about it in what was admittedly a pretty good romantic gesture. And the third and final one was sneaking DJ’s Burger when the doctor had told him to avoid anything greasy.
“Shit.”
The heart burn would disappear. The taste of that burger would be enough to at least suffer through it. The panic in his chest and the telltale light-headedness of a panic attack would last far longer.
He shouldn’t have come back to New York. He shouldn’t have come back.
But what other option was there? The remnants of his Malibu home were at the bottom of the Pacific Coast. And he hated hotels. And the closet he could get to Pepper without actually going with her to see her family. He hadn't had an option.
This option had been a bad one.
Tony sank down to the floor of the penthouse, trying to breathe. The Hulk once smashed Loki over and over like a rag doll on this floor. It was marked with a small plaque he’d had commissioned, bronze with tiny green and purple stones in it, a reminder of some of the better parts of the incident less than a year ago. He dimly saw it out of the corner of his eye.
Here marks the spot where Hulk did toss Loki like a rag doll. This plaque memorializes this glorious event. Footage can be found on the Stark Industries server, under Bitch Slap.
Tony made the plaque as a joke. He’d made it as a way to laugh at Loki, to say that he hadn’t won, that he hadn’t succeeded in tearing apart the world through an alien invasion. He’d lost. They’d won - the Avengers won. Loki was the one sitting in a cell in Asgard for the rest of his days. Tony and the other Avengers were the ones who would survive and live, and the world would not serve as the playground for an Asgardian with daddy issues.
Somehow, even after everything he'd been through, Tony forgot how victors suffered after battle. Even in fights as clear cut as evil alien army vs ragtag bunch of misfit heroes.
He tried to remind himself that everyone was safe. He was safe. Pepper was safe. Happy was safe and recovering, Rhodey and his family were safe. They were all safe.
How long would it last? How safe would any of them be again? Barton and Romanoff and Rogers were all with SHIELD now. Banner was in hiding again, though he'd briefly come to visit the Tower the month before to check on Tony. Thor was on Asgard, and literally no one knew when or if he would return. How the hell would they handle another incident like this?
How safe were he and Pepper without Iron Man?
Tony was convinced that he was okay after destroying the Iron Legion. He was still Iron Man without the suit. Tony Stark was Iron Man. The suit was not Iron Man. He himself was Iron Man. Tony believed that even now. But the suit helped a hell of a lot in a fight against aliens or AIM or anyone else who went after them.
Tony Stark was a hero without the suit. But the suit was a hell of an asset to have on your side when you were in a fight. And there was no telling when the next fight would start.
With a groan, Tony lifted his head and let it fall back. His head hit the ground as he stared up at the ceiling, brown eyes flickering to the window showing New York. There were still buildings being fixed, repaired, and brought a city back to life from an alien battle. Damage Control was doing their job well, and he couldn’t regret working with the government on it when it seemed to be doing some good. But even a year later, the damage was apparent.
Maybe he’d done some good too. He’d found a way to extract Extremis from Pepper. That was a start. That was a project he’d started and thrown himself into. He’d always been better when he had something to work on, and in the aftermath of the Killian incident, working on fixing Extremis was a good start.
In the end, when Tony had the data and the way and the plan, it’d been Pepper’s choice. She’d chosen to have it extracted from her, saying she preferred to help the world from her side of a desk, creating things and helping the world in the way that she knew best. So Tony found a way to extract Extremis, and Pepper recovered.
Pepper was gone for the weekend, visiting her family in Connecticut. She’d gone back to work two weeks after the surgery to extract Extremis, and she’d managed to level the company after the explosions of the past few weeks. With Happy due to return for good in a few weeks, everything was slowly going back to normal, which meant Pepper’s free time would disappear. One weekend away wouldn’t kill the company, and Tony knew she hadn’t see her sister for almost two years; Claudia had given birth to her third son in those two years, a little boy that Pepper had never even met.
Tony didn’t go, despite Pepper’s invitation and insistence that it would be fun. He wanted her to enjoy some time alone with her sister. And he was not in the mood to head to Connecticut and meet the mother he’d heard so many awful stories about. Even with nearly a decade of Pepper in his life, he'd never met her mother and he did not plan to. And while he liked Pepper's younger sister, her husband tended to get on his nerves. And Pepper deserved some space.
Then again, Pepper leaving him did leave Tony alone with his thoughts. That was never a good plan.
She truly was one of the best people in the world, a peaceful island in the insane ocean that was his life, and he would always love her. Half of this came about because he wanted to protect her.
He hadn’t been able to protect her, and he’d nearly lost her.
And now he’d blown up the one thing that could protect them both against a dangerous world. The suits. The Iron Legion. Iron Man.
He’d made a huge mistake.
What happened the next time something went wrong? It wasn’t a question of if something went wrong, it was a question of when. This world was insane, and people went crazy and thought that they could go through people to get what they wanted. What happened the next time an alien invasion came down?
Back during a brief stint in rehab, Tony could remember a counselor saying that the first step to recovery was recognizing his own addiction. The suits weren’t an addiction. Not completely. The addiction was doing something, the act of fighting and doing what he could to protect a world that had people he cared about in it.
He had ways to do that. And he’d blown up every single one of them in some big romantic gesture.
Tony didn’t regret that. Pepper deserved him and him alone, not a three way relationship with Iron Man. But he couldn’t bring this up to her, not when she was recovering and had been through a traumatic event of her own. He couldn’t do that to her.
He couldn’t disappoint her again. But he had to do something to protect her and their friends and everyone they cared about.
Tony laid on the floor, staring at the ceiling above as he tried to breath, tried to reconcile the lack of protection he felt.
“Shit,” he whispered. “Shit.”
He had to get to work.
Or rather, he had to get back to work.
March 2013 - Stark Tower, New York
Rhodey had found Tony Stark like this a few times in his life.
The first was in the aftermath of his parents’ death. He’d managed to wrangle an emergency leave a week after the death of Tony’s parents, and found him in time to get him to the hospital following alcohol poisoning. That was a fun New Year.
The second time wasn’t after his kidnapping in Afghanistan, despite what some people might believe. Rather, there had been a relentless, terrifying determination in his eyes when he touched back down on American soil, announced that Stark Industries was out of the weapons game, and proceeded to flip the world on its head with four simple words. He'd held it together for a bit after Afghanistan.
No, the second time was in the aftermath, after Obadiah Stane was dead and Tony was left to grapple with the betrayal of a man he considered a surrogate father, not to mention the fact he’d announced to the world he was Iron Man and the realization that Stane's twenty-one-year-old son Zeke, who Rhodey knew both Tony and Pepper had unguarded soft spots for, had vanished into thin air. Tony hadn’t been drunk enough for alcohol poisoning, but drunk enough that Rhodey called Pepper for help, and then called his wife and told her he wouldn’t be home for a day or two.
The third time was in the aftermath of New York, less than a year ago. And that had been bad enough that Rhodey kept the details from even Pepper.
Rhodey was a career soldier. The second he’d seen Tony in the aftermath of New York, he knew. PTSD. It only took five minutes for Rhodey's wife of twelve years, Mattie, to see him and say that he had a clear case of PTSD. Rhodey knew enough to recognize it himself, but for it to be confirmed by his psychologist wife was both a blessing and a curse.
And now the Vice President was a traitor, the President had been nearly killed, and the country and Ellis Administration was struggling to pull itself back together. It wasn’t too much of a surprise that he found Tony like this now.
AIM was still alive. Remnants of it had gone underground, with no word about who might be giving the orders other than whispers of a base in the deepest parts of the Italian mountains. Not to mention the fact that there were already rumblings that the Ten Rings were pissed that someone used their name and cause for their own ends. The Ten Rings wasn't the most forgiving organization, and Rhodey knew they most likely would strike back at AIM themselves.
Personally, he was more than willing to let his enemies duke it out among themselves in some bizarre war, but only if no innocents got caught in the middle. And innocent people were always caught by crossfire.
He was in DC for more briefings and hearings. This was a huge embarrassment to the government, and especially to Ellis’s administration. Back when he’d gotten his own set of armor, Rhodey and his wife Mattie made the decision to buy a DC apartment for him whenever he was caught overnight. They could afford it, and it made sense, especially since their older daughter constantly said that she wanted to go to Culver for undergrad psychology, just like her mother. She could just use it when she went to college.
The day after what Rhodey hoped was the last day of hearings and committees, he went up to New York, to check on Tony and see how they were doing. With Happy still on medical leave following his release from the hospital and Pepper apparently visiting her sister in Connecticut, Tony would be alone. And Tony alone was never a good thing. He and Pepper and Happy had agreed that someone needed to check on Tony - and not warn him of the checkup in advance.
Really, he should have realized that something was going to have gone down when the elevator doors opened and Rhodey was treated to the sight in front of him.
There were blueprints and plans everywhere, and multiple mugs of coffee in various states of staleness. Takeout boxes were around the lounge. Pillows and blankets were thrown around, as if Tony occasionally got a little rest among these ruins of plans. If Rhodey didn’t know Tony the way he did, he would have been worried there was a break-in.
Then again, Rhodey had shared a dorm and apartment with Tony Stark for four years of his life. The man was like a pack rat when he was in brainstorming mode.
“Jesus Christ,” Rhodey muttered, shaking his head. “I should have guessed.”
“Good afternoon, Colonel Rhodes,” JARVIS’s voice came through the speakers overhead. “Mr. Stark is down the hall. He’s run out of room in here.”
“Yeah, I can see that,” Rhodey muttered, frowning as he set over a container of what appeared to be Brooklyn pizza. At least Tony got good Brooklyn pizza. Takeout for Tony was never burger or fries from a diner. It was the top of the line. He could respect that. “What the hell is he doing, JARVIS?”
Rhodey wasn’t entirely sure if an AI could sound worried, but he was fairly sure that JARVIS sounded worried. “I believe Mr. Stark has a multitude of projects around him at the moment. I can’t say exactly what one he’s moved onto now.”
“Project Compound, JARVIS!” Tony’s voice called from the room in question.
“Ah, yes. Mr. Stark is currently working on Project Compound, Colonel Rhodes.”
“What the hell is…” Rhodey’s voice trailed off as he gave a deep sigh and looked to the ceiling, praying to any and every god for patience. Maybe Thor could hear him. “I’m on my way over, don’t bother answering. Thanks, JARVIS.”
"A pleasure as always, Colonel Rhodes."
Rhodey walked into the room, half terrified of what he was going to find Tony in the middle of. To his relief, there were no drugs or alcohol bottles, though Rhodey was very concerned by the number of Monster cans around him and the deep circles under Tony's dark eyes. If anything, this upped Rhodey’s conviction to his and Mattie’s recent ban of Monster drinks in regards to their kids, much to their son Duncan's irritation. Nothing good came from Monster.
“Jesus, Tony,” Rhodey murmured, taking a deep breath. “What the hell are you doing?”
Because it was clear that Tony was up to something. Or rather, Rhodey realized as he looked over at the numerous more files and plans in the room, a lot of somethings.
The man himself sat on the floor, a pencil behind his ear and graphite stains on his fingers. His brown eyes flickered up when Rhodey entered, and he thought he saw a brief flash of guilt cross his face. It passed a moment later. Tony's mind was going too fast to handle too many emotions right now.
“Looking at new projects,” Tony explained simply, gesturing at the multiple plans in front of him, including photographs shot from above, buildings littering a field with rundown roads around them. “Stark Industries owns some land in upstate New York. I thought about making it an Avengers compound of sorts, so we’re not all over New York City…”
“Uh huh.” Rhodey sighed, sitting down on the office chair near the desk. He had to clear a few files off of it first. “Tony-“
“And the September Foundation stuff is right there,” Tony mentioned, gesturing over towards it. “Scholarships and programs and all that fun stuff. The Sarah Rogers Scholarship is one of them, after Cap’s mom… think he’ll like that. For girls who want to go to medical school. Speaking of Cap, I'm toying with the idea of a recall feature, where the shield comes right back to him...”
“Tony." Rhodey tried again. He wasn’t surprised that Tony continued as if he hadn’t heard him.
"And that-" Tony gestured towards another pile. "We're gonna restart the Maria Stark Foundation. Focus on charity efforts, things like that. I'm thinking a stupidly expensive gala that people pay a shit ton of money for, we can introduce the Sarah Rogers Scholarship there. Just have to convince Cap to come and be the presenter for it."
"Tony?"
He gestured towards the next pile. “That’s for the Tower. More plans. Add a few dormitory type rooms for the team. And then the ones for the house back in Malibu, I’m gonna completely redo it and make sure that it can stand a helicopter attack. I’m not losing a house to the ocean again.”
“Tony!” Rhodey’s voice rose in volume, and Tony frowned over at him, looking a bit taken aback. “Have you dealt with anything at all since Christmas?”
“What?” Tony asked blankly, staring at his best friend.
No, of course he hadn't, because he was Tony Stark and Tony Stark did not confront his trauma. Tony Stark found projects to work on, to focus on anything but him, so that he didn't have to acknowledge the fact that people had hurt him. Rhodey should have guessed it. And there was no way he was just going to let him keep ignoring this trauma, not when Tony had a shitty 2012 already.
“Pepper was kidnapped, you were nearly killed, and less than a year ago you flew into space on what might have been a suicide run,” Rhodey listed, practically seeing the flinch for every mention he made. “Have you dealt with anything you’ve been through?”
That got a reaction. Tony’s face closed off, and his eyes darkened even more as he looked down at the files he was working on. He didn’t answer, and Rhodey waited patiently. He couldn’t avoid the question forever. Not even Tony Stark could do that. He was going to have to answer sooner or later.
“I don’t know how to deal with it. So I’m doing what I do best. Work on stuff.” Tony pulled a piece of paper out, pausing as he looked it over and tossed the file onto the desk, near Rhodey. “I can do something to make sure it doesn’t happen again, so that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
Admission was a start. It was more of a start that Rhodey expected.
Rhodey frowned as he saw another file on the desk, pulling it open. It was a plan for some sort of prosthetic leg, little notes in the margins explaining how they needed to get height and weight of the girl in question and figure out how to get in contact with them. “What’s this?” Rhodey asked.
“This is um…” Tony rubbed his brow before saying, “The Vice President worked with AIM to get access to Extremis. So his daughter could get a new leg. I’m making her a prosthetic. A good one. She’s a kid. Eight, maybe nine years old. None of this was her fault.”
Of course Tony was making a leg for the daughter of a man who'd had a hand in nearly killing them all. Of course he was.
Rhodey raised an eyebrow. Pushing Tony was never a good idea, but slowly circling around always worked. The military man looked up, frowning as he found another folder. He pulled it to his lap, eyes widening when he recognized the designs. It was easy too, after all. The same type of armor was sitting in his car right now.
“These are plans for suits.” Rhodey got up from the chair before sitting cross-legged on the ground, directly across at Tony so he couldn’t get away from him. “I thought you were done with Iron Man, Tony.”
Tony shook his head. “I don’t think I can be.” He gestured towards the window, “Rhodes, less than a year ago, aliens came down from the sky. Someone I met at the turn of the millennia came back and created exploding people with someone I slept with once. I don’t think I can stop because stuff keeps happening.”
“You’re not the only superhero in the world,” Rhodey pointed out. “I’m getting pretty close to getting that title.”
“You’ve already got the superhero title.” Tony sighed. “I’m not the only superhero. But I’m the only Iron Man.”
“Not everything bad that happens to the world is because of you,” Rhodey mentioned. He knew that Tony had some serious guilt complex problems, but this was a level that he had never seen before in his best friend. “I’m serious, man. Not everything is because of you.”
“So what happens when I can save someone, but because I’m retired, I can’t?” Tony demanded, finally looking back up at him. His eyes blazed before he spat, “People die then. I thought Pepper died, Rhodey, and it was the worst moment of my life. And now… now I can keep doing stuff. I can do this.”
Rhodey knew that he thought himself right in this. Tony was someone who, at heart, wanted to protect the people he cared about. And this was about him feeling like he could protect the people around him after they’d been through so many traumatic events.
“You’ve got to talk to Pepper about this.” From the way that Tony pointedly ignored his look, Rhodey knew that Tony understood that. “Did she head to see her sister?”
“Yeah. In Connecticut. She hasn’t been there for two years and she’s gonna go back into work full time soon. She wanted to go before we went back to Los Angeles. I wanted to let her get some alone time her sister. Her brother-in-law is annoying anyway.”
And Tony had been left alone because he didn’t want to go, thereby leaving him with his thoughts and starting this entire situation. And with Happy still recovering and back in Los Angeles, Tony was completely alone. JARVIS might have been there, but JARVIS was not the best controller of Tony's impulses.
Rhodey sighed, looking back over at his best friend. “You should talk to someone about this.”
“I’m not going to talk to a stranger about all this shit, Rhodes,” Tony warned, shaking his head. “I don’t want to risk it getting out to anyone.”
“Therapists and psychologists have doctor-patient confidentiality. And you’re forgetting that your best friend’s wife is one of LA’s top psychologists.” There was no way Tony had forgotten that. And while Rhodey knew that Mattie might be hesitant to take Tony as a patient, she would be willing to do so if he asked her. Tony was Tamara's godfather after all.
“Isn’t that technically a conflict of interests? Or illegal?” Tony asked.
“Technically, it’s discouraged to treat family or friends, but this is a unique situation. And you really need to talk to someone.” And honestly, having someone who knew Tony would be a good thing. Mattie hadn’t stood for Tony’s shit before, and she wouldn’t stand for it now.
“If I promise to think about it will you leave me alone on it?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.
“As long as you think about it,” Rhodey replied simply. He sighed before standing up, offering a hand to his best friend. “C’mon. Let’s go get something to eat. Go shower first though, you stink.”
“I’ve been working.” Tony rolled his eyes. He took Rhodey’s hand and sighed. “I’ll... I’ll go shower. We’re going to a good place though. Like an actual good place. Steak maybe. I'll pay.”
“I’d expect nothing less.” Rhodey patted his shoulder. “Go on, man. I’ll wait in here.”
He walked out of the room, as if he’d realized that Rhodey wouldn’t give up and was surrendering out of a lack of a better option. The fact that he’d just surrendered like that was a huge sign that he was exhausted to the point where he couldn’t fight. Rhodey shook his head, watching him walk out before looking back down. His fingers traced the new plans for the suits, sighing.
Tony Stark would go back to the suit sooner or later. Rhodey knew that. He just hoped that he didn’t shut Pepper out in the meantime.