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Lance opened his eyes and was instantly greeted by a forbidding black. Usually, it would be considered night on Earth, but time in space passed by differently. It was hard to count the days, but Lance’s body had long accustomed to the never ending dark causing him to quickly know it was early morning.
He threw his comfortable covers off him and sat perched on the side of his bed, staring at random, shadow shrouded corners of his room so that his eyes would adjust to the pitch black. Although, even after they did, Lance continued to sit there, deep in thought.
He had been tracking the months ever since he left Earth. Sometimes he would mess up Sunday with Saturday and maybe even think it was May instead of June. Though, after some consolation he would be back to counting down the days accurately.
And now, after months of this ‘useless hobby’ it was finally the day. July 28th. Lance’s birthday. Lance felt a little giddy, even relieved, but he couldn't hold back the sense of sadness that grew over him. What about his family back on Earth? Would they celebrate and pray for his return or have they already forgotten about his existence? Lance hoped for the first, but knew the second was more likely.
Rapidly, he shook the thoughts from his head. It was his birthday, after all. He couldn't keep feeling depressed. Today was the day he could be relaxed, feel good about himself until all the anxiety would rush back at him.
Lance stood up and flicked the lights on, blinking a couple times as the room was flooded in light. After doing so, he swiftly changed into his casual clothes, checked himself out in a mirror and stood in front of the door, straightening his jacket one more time. When the door slid open, a slight gust of wind greeted him as a small figure rushed down the hallway.
A little startled, Lance looked after the person and saw a glimpse of Pidge before she turned the corner. One hand was holding a laptop as she typed lightning fast and in the nook of her right arm was a bundle of blue ropes and a disk tightly clasped underneath her armpit.
Lance felt a little disappointed that Pidge didn't greet him when she saw him. Or if she saw him at all. But, he didn't mind. He was accustomed to being constantly ignored and besides, Pidge had a lot of work to go through. He just hoped she was eating and was getting a proper night’s rest. Although, her shrinking stomach and her growing eyebags suggested otherwise.
Lance made his way down the opposite end of the hallway and entered the control room where Allura was also occupied.
She stood in the center of the room, her hair pulled back in a sloppy bun as she scrolled through several screens, discarding a few and saving others. Her fingers were working faster than any human as she squinted to read text that Lance found indecipherable.
Snapping out of his observations, Lance tried to start a conversation with the Altean princess.
“Morning, Allura!” Lance greeted, cheerfully.
Allura didn't bother to look up, already recognizing the confident, flirtatious voice. But she offered another greeting in return, anyhow.
“How are you?” Lance asked, in a meager attempt for her to put a little meaning in their interaction.
“Quite well, thank you.” she said, her bun bouncing as she nodded simply. Allura didn't return the question. That was okay.
“Do you know what today is?” He prompted. When he got no reply he said (with jazz hands for effect), “My birthday!” Allura still said nothing. Her hands swiped through screens until there was a digital barrier or information surrounding her.
“You know, a birthday?” Lance slowly asked, unsure if the princess knew what he meant. “We celebrated Pidge’s a few-”
“Yes, I know what a birthday is,” Allura snapped, turning her head to face Lance, a bit annoyed at the doubt towards her intelligence. “If you don't mind, Lance, I am trying my best to formulate a plan to defeat Zarkon. It would be best if you would at least show a little effort into trying to defeat him as well. “
When Allura finished her small scolding, she couldn't help to feel a little ashamed as a pained expression passed over Lance’s face. A part of her regretted letting loose those stinging words, but she didn’t try to cover them up with sweet nothings. She thought it would be helpful to Lance if he would settle into the bitter truth for a while.
Allura waited for some kind of snarky reply, but there was no other response from the blue paladin. So, she faced back to her screens and dipped back into her silent shell.
Lance solemnly watched as Allura did so. It was okay. He saw the regret on her face and he forgave her. After all, he understood where the white-haired female was coming from. Zarkon came first and definitely not before some fifth wheeled paladin. 8th wheeled if you counted Allura and Coran and if you included the Altean mice it would be-
He reprimanded himself. None of these silly thoughts should take over his mind set. Not today and not ever. He was going to enjoy today no matter what came at him. No matter what..
Lance wheeled around and guided himself out of the room. Maybe Hunk was in the kitchen, cooking some breakfast with Coran who would try to put some space goop into the recipe. He needed some consoling with two of his best friends. Although, when the Cuban boy entered the room it was empty.
Everything seemed orderly enough. The cooking materials all placed into their righteous cabinets. No bottles spilled over the counter and absolutely no puddles of mysterious liquids. The floor glistened like it was recently cleaned as if to show no one had entered the room in a few days. The lights were also switched off except for the oven’s which flickered every so often.
Lance felt a cloud of disappointment and loneliness sink over him as he exited the room.
No one was in the dining room
too, of course. No one there to greet him or wish him a nice birthday. Had they forgotten? He did try to drop subtle hints to everyone, even though sometimes they shouted at him to stop. Maybe they just didn't care. Or perhaps it wasn’t their fault. Probably, it was him just being selfish. Why would he expect anyone to care about him when the others paladins were just as amazing?
Shiro was the leader. Of course everyone would bow down and respect him. Not only that, but his lion was equipped with all sorts of different weapons. Many of them weren't even unlocked yet. Seriously, what else could be hiding in there that's better than some kick ass wings?
Keith had a mysterious side to him that much people would divert their attention to and try hard to figure out. He also had great swordsmanship and could probably match an army of Galra soldiers with only his blade.
Pidge? She was the group’s prodigy. Always inserting upgrades and creating machines. Pidge was the brains that everyone could depend on. The one everyone needed.
Then, there was Hunk. He was a great friend, cook AND fighter. Three attractive characteristics in one guy. Hunk could probably solve any dispute with his sweet nature and if that didn't work he always had his bulking rock of a lion.
And Lance? He was the team’s “sharpshooter”. And even that title was given out of pity. Sure, his lion had hydrokinesis, but how could that compete with everyone’s massive lions hidden with some sort of trick or weapon? He wasn't something to stare in awe of. He wasn't built to be a paladin. He didn't have strength, or smarts or basic talent. The best he could be was a comic relief, a dumb guy who just repeated puns he heard. So, why did the blue lion choose him?
Because obviously, it made a mistake.
Lance straightened, wiping his damp eyes. He wasn't going to bother checking Keith and Shiro. They were probably training or doing something more important. Because the stone, hard truth was that everything was more important than Lance. Even cleaning the castle’s crap-filled toilets.
Lance couldn't take the rush of anxiety. The uneasy feeling he wasn't good enough. That he never was and never would be. He decided he would do the other paladins a favor. He would rid them of their burden. It would be like a birthday gift to them. A birthday gift he never got and never would receive.
Making his way out of the dining area, he looked for Pidge. Poking his head into the control room where Allura still stood, her room and even the observation deck (where he could plainly see Keith and Shiro, surprise surprise, sparring). After a few minutes of searching, he finally found her in the Green Lion’s hangar, hunched over her laptop.
Lance cautiously entered. “Pidge?” he called, softly.
Pidge jumped a little and twisted around in her chair. Lance fought back the hurt when he saw a look of disappointment cross her face and then quickly disappear.
“What is it?” she asked, sounding rather annoyed.
Lance glanced at the pile of rope on the desk, but quickly averted his gaze back to Pidge.
“Do you have any rope I can use?”
Pidge raised an eyebrow as if she was surprised Lance was doing anything then look at himself in the mirror
“Why?”
“Coran needs it.” Lance automatically lied, not bothering to explain in any more detail.
Pidge stared at Lance for a while until she shrugged and looked back at her computer.
“Sure, whatever. Knock yourself out.”
Lance mumbled a thank you before taking the rope. While picking it up he realized it was one single, long piece. Though, he was prepared. He took a pair of scissors from his pocket and snipped the portion he needed and rushed out of the room before Pidge could question him again.
Now, Lance did his best to casually stroll through the hallway, but he couldn't help looking rather odd. A rope in hand with no known motive? Smelt fishy, looked suspicious. Though, luckily, no one was in the corridors to notice or care. Expect, Lance almost ran into Coran one time, but he quickly ducked back in the hallway as Coran entered the one to his left.
With a quick, relieved breath he darted back into the hall and into his room where here quickly locked the sliding doors. Once isolated, he stared at the rope in his hand. It twisted and turned and spiraled. It beckoned, it begged to him. But was there really a reason?
Was he just being greedy? Selfish? Dramatic? Maybe there was no reason. No reason to avoid everyone, no reason to lock himself in his room and no reason to do this.
But this day wasn't the start. It had begun way back then, when that stupid lion claimed him and carried everyone into space. It started when he met the Alteans and ran on a crazy quest to collect the other lions. It started when all the worries and stresses of being a Garrison student were replaced with the responsibilities and demands of a paladin.
Maybe it would've turned out okay. Maybe if someone gave him an encouraging word, or a pat on the back and stopped with the cold stares he wouldn't have ended up in this state.
He dearly loved the other paladins. In fact, they were basically his family away from his own. But did they feel the same way?
It is possible, he thought, that these kinds of worries drove him to this point. He couldn't live with all these doubts clouding his conscience, taking free reign of even his brightest thoughts.
But, what if the paladins’ expectations were the reason for this doubts?
Stop. There he went again. Blaming the others for his own messes. No. He wouldn't cause a mess this time. He would fix it. He would clean all the mistakes from his past into one single action. Yes. He already made his desicion.
So, when his vision darkened and his muscles let out one more final spasm, a fine thought crossed his mind:
This was the best birthday gift Lance could ever receive. One that the paladins could never give.