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Yui doesn’t move. She woke up an hour and a half ago, but she can’t force herself to even shift. Her arm is starting to ache under the pressure of her head, and her waist is twisted unnaturally. She doesn’t register the pain, though, choosing to instead let her eyes droop shut once more. She doesn’t register much of anything, now that she thinks about it. She’s not even tired, just... empty .
Thinking about it too closely makes her blank out again, and she shifts the slightest bit before deciding she won’t move again today.
Wishful thinking.
“Yui? Get up, it’s already 9:00?”
Yui doesn’t move at the insistent voice. It’s a weekend . God forbid she sleep past 9:00 on a weekend . God forbid she be depressed.
“Yui?” The voice returns, shouting a bit louder, though the source doesn’t move. Won’t move, Yui knows. It’s so much easier for her to scream at her from another room so that she doesn’t have to stop her precious work.
The calling doesn’t stop, but Yui refuses to answer, instead electing to wait and listen as her mother gets more and more angry. She’s close to falling into blissful sleep again when--
“ Yui , it’s already 9:30, get out of bed!” Yui grits her teeth, eyes narrowing as she turns the slightest bit to smash her ear into the pillow.
The only warning she gets the next time is the creak of the floor outside her room, and then her mother is at the door, screaming at her. It doesn’t last long -- her mother has never liked to waste more time with Yui than she has to -- and soon she’s gone.
At this point, Yui still isn’t feeling anything. In the back of her mind, she accepts that she has to get up -- she has homework waiting for her and she can’t stay in bed the whole day. But. She doesn’t particularly care anymore. The emptiness doesn’t need to engulf or swallow her, or anything -- she’s readily welcomed it into her life.
Eventually, she gets up. No bitterness, no curiosity, just empty . A quick glance at her phone reveals what she had thought -- it’s barely 9:00. Her mother was just trying to make her feel guilty for god-knows-why.
Yui slips into the bathroom as quietly as possible, creeping past her mother’s home office as she does. When the door is locked, she lets out a half-sigh and sits on the floor, unlocking her phone and mindlessly scrolling. She reads a couple of texts from both Kiyoko and Hitoka, sending back a quick ‘good morning <3’ that she doesn’t feel before exiting her messages. She spends another ten minutes on the floor like that on her phone (it’s not like her mother will have even realized she'd gotten out of bed) before rationalizing that she should probably get ready. She clambers up slowly, dragging herself through her daily routine.
Breakfast is a granola bar that she takes back to her room as she opens up her English book and begins to read. Words don’t even make it to her eyes, and she stares uncomprehendingly at the text in front of her for an hour before shaking her head and leaning back in her chair. She’d be worried if she could find it in herself to care. Without that, she’s just. There.
She spins mindlessly in her chair, letting out a discomforted breath when she gets dizzy. There is nothing near her but she can’t help the feeling that everything is too loud . The desk lamp, the floor fan, everything is amplified to a head-pounding buzz. Her granola bar lays on top of her desk, still wrapped.
Her phone buzzes and her hand snaps out to unlock it, almost dropping it. When she lays it down again, her hands are trembling. She frowns at them, bunching them into fists to stop them from shaking.
She doesn’t know how much time has passed before she decides to move once more. As she turns on her phone to check the time (11:45), it lights up again, and it’s a call this time. Yui grabs for her earbuds, plugging them in and accepting the call. It’s Hitoka.
“Yui-senpai?”
Yui slowly lets out a breath through her nose. She can’t talk, can’t make her mother suspicious that she’s not working.
“Yui-chan,” and oh, Kiyoko’s there too. Yui’s heart pangs painfully knowing that the two of them are together, without her. They’re always together. Neither of them have parents who stop them from leaving the house whenever they want. Sometimes it makes Yui irrationally mad -- don’t they care about what their children are doing?! -- but then she remembers that it’s more likely a case of her parents caring too much and her not knowing any better.
Yui intakes a sharp breath, eyes welling up. She slowly, slowly leans forward until her forehead bumps her desk.
“Yui-chan, why didn’t you tell us?” Kiyoko’s voice is pitying her, and Yui would hate it if she could feel enough to hate. She can’t talk, can’t say a word, but the two of them know. “If it’s a bad day, we want to know. We want to help you.”
“Yui-senpai,” Hitoka’s voice is timid. “Have you eaten anything today?”
Something crawls beneath Yui’s skin, a horrible feeling of self-loathing and pity. She doesn’t want this, doesn’t want their patronizing questions, while they’re happy and together. Her breathing quickens, tears starting to slip down her cheeks and dripping down from her chin. She picks up the granola bar and crinkles the wrapper in front of the speaker.
“You need to eat, Yui-chan,” Kiyoko says, infinitely patient, but today, it just makes Yui seethe, angry tears making their way down her face. Her face is hot, and must be red, and before she can think about it, she hangs up the call. She sniffs slowly, trying to prevent anyone from hearing, and lifts her head when her phone starts ringing again, the ringtone loud in her headphones. Eventually, it stops, and her phone buzzes with a notification a minute later. It’s their group chat.
‘Call us if you need us.’
Yui bites her lip, opting to text instead. ‘bad day’
The response comes from Hitoka. ‘Is there anything we can do?’
She puts her phone down, tired beyond belief. ‘no’
Hitoka responds two minutes later. ‘Okay. We’ll be here when you’re ready <3’
Her phone clatters back to the desk, and she sits back, looking up towards the ceiling until her eyes dry. She closes them then, knowing that her mother will find her and yell, but that she won't find it in her to care anymore.