Chapter Text
Magnus Burnsides had always felt every emotion to its fullest extent. And sure, most of the time that led to crying when he was sad and laughing when he was happy and yelling when he was angry, but sometimes it also led to nightmares when he was afraid.
Most of the time he was proud of his emotional depth, but Magnus was a fighter - he was big and strong and it was hard to admit that he was afraid of anything, sometimes. Which left him, most of the time, shivering alone in his bed with the lights on late in the night, trying to forget the horrors that had woken him.
Most of the time it was the Hunger swallowing up a plane that they hadn’t managed to save or one of his friends falling during the fight and those were scary enough as it was, but they were doing everything they could to protect the planes and his family always came back at the beginning of the next cycle so he was able to compartmentalize and shove those fears down.
The more… irrational nightmares were harder to forget. Dreams where someone died and didn’t come back, dreams where they all fought with each other and didn’t make up and spent the next however-many-years not speaking with each other, dreams where they weren’t able to escape at the end of a cycle and were swallowed up by the hunger…
Lucretia hadn’t come back this time.
He knew it was a dream, he could clearly remember sitting next to her during dinner mere hours ago, but that didn’t ease the knot that had formed in his stomach or his burning desire to check in on her, just to make sure.
When a lump in his throat joined the knot in his stomach, he wasn’t able to stay in bed any longer. Throwing the covers back, he scrubbed at his face with his hands, rubbing both the sleep and the tears from his eyes. He struggled into a shirt before padding quietly out of his bedroom and into the hall.
Lucretia’s room wasn’t far from his, only a few doors down, but the distance felt like a mile as the dread pooled even more heavily in his stomach. Putting his hand on the doorknob, he was relieved to find it wasn’t locked and that it opened quietly when he turned the knob and pushed.
She was sleeping peacefully.
He knew he should leave and that staying any longer than it took to reassure himself that she was alright was enough to cross the line between concerned and creepy, but he couldn’t help himself.
She was sleeping so peacefully, sprawled out on her stomach, a single leg kicked free of the covers to dangle over the edge of the mattress that he just couldn’t look away. Her hair was loose and spread across the pillow she had clutched to her chest; she was snoring lightly, audible inhales that whistled out through her nose, hitching slightly when she shifted. She squinted, even in her sleep, when the light from the hallway fell across her face.
Magnus started to back away as she shifted more purposefully, trying to close the door before she caught him watching her.
He wasn’t quick enough. Lucretia pushed herself upright, fighting back a yawn as she looked towards the source of the light that had disturbed her. Making reluctant eye contact with her, Magnus smiled apologetically.
“I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he whispered. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” she slurred sleepily, rubbing at her eyes and sitting up properly.
“I… No reason, just… Nightmare?”
“Wanna talk about it?”
Magnus shook his head. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he repeated. “I’ll go now.”
But he lingered in the doorway, unable to leave quite yet. She was awake enough to notice that.
“Do you wanna… stay?” Lucretia offered, tentatively.
Magnus shuffled his feet in response, glancing back out into the hallway before nodding hesitantly. She pulled back the covers a bit as she slid to one side of the mattress and rearranged her pillows, which had migrated across the bed while she slept. When he made no move to approach, she patted the bed beside her before lying back down and getting comfortable again.
“Hurry up,” she murmured, curling around a pillow again. “It’s cold.”
He crawled into the bed beside her, lying down on his back, arms at his sides, stiff as a board, completely and totally aware of her body beside his.
She sighed in exasperation and slid closer to him so that she could wrap her hand around his. “I’m not much comfort if you’re all the way over there,” she teased, voice still heavy with sleep.
With a soft, stifled laugh, he relaxed enough to turn onto his side and face her. Twisting his hand so he could lace his fingers through hers, he lifted her hand to his face and kissed her knuckles before hiding behind her hand as he spoke.
“I… We’d lost you. You’d died and when we reset… you weren’t there. There was nothing we could do. You were gone and there was nothing I could do. I’m so sorry.” He was crying again and, even though he was hiding his eyes, he was sure she could tell.
“Magnus, I’m fine. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know but… that doesn’t make it feel any less real.”
She pulled their hands down and away from his face, reaching up with her free hand to brush away the tears clinging to his lashes. He sighed and pushed his face against her delicate fingers, savoring the drag of her writing callouses over his skin.
Her expression softened when he leaned into her hand. Tossing away the pillow that separated them, she moved closer, snuggling into his arms and pressing her face into his chest. His arms came up around her automatically and he relaxed as he breathed in the scent of her shampoo.
“Sleep, Magnus. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
He slept.