Work Text:
One of the most irritating symptoms of PTSD, in Alistair’s opinion, is having a really sensitive startle response. Most people jump slightly if someone creeps up on them, or walks into the room unannounced, but that’s normal. Alistair’s startle response, on the other hand, isn’t.
One afternoon, Alistair, exhausted from sleepless nights (the nightmares have been more frequently lately), falls asleep at his desk. Sometime later, Yates comes into the room, knocking on the door and calling, “Brigadier?”
And Alistair’s reaction would be comical, if it weren’t so infuriating and embarrassing. He jerks upright, startled out of his sleep by a surge of adrenaline. Panic rushes through him, suddenly making Alistair very alert as he stumbles to his feet, his eyes scanning the room for danger whilst his hands fumble for his gun.
And then... and then he forces himself to calm down, breathing heavily and slowly just like the Doctor taught him, grounding himself by focusing on what he can see and hear and feel right now. And he remembers how he keeps his gun in his draw for this very reason, and that this is just his startle response. There isn’t a threat. It’s just Yates.
Yates waits until Alistair has composed himself to tell him his message, and Alistair is incredibly grateful. Because he feels so embarrassed and it’s a relief when people don’t question it.
The only thing that reassures Alistair at times like this is knowing the Doctor goes through this too. Their own PTSD causes them to jump just like he does, panicking at the bang of a door or someone appearing behind them suddenly.
“It’s normal for us, Alistair,” they say one time, rocking back and forth and putting their arm around Alistair’s shoulder. “You don’t need to feel embarrassed.”
But he does.