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The image of Magnus walking away stays frozen in Alec’s mind as he wanders the halls of the Institute like a ghost. Sad, tired, but most of all alone.
He had stayed standing in that dreaded hallway, staring at the closed elevator doors for what felt like an eternity until he forced himself to wipe away his tears and focus back on Max. The last thing he wanted to do in his obvious state of distress was face his whole family in one room, but he’d always been good at avoiding others' focus on him.
Izzy tried to pry some information out of him when he first sat back down next to Max, but he dismissed her attempts and told her was that is wasn’t important. All three of his siblings shared a long look but stopped themselves from prying any further.
Walking aimlessly now, he almost wishes he had told Izzy. Or someone. Anyone. He remembers helping Izzy through her...break ups. Maybe she could help-
His thoughts stop in their tracks along with him as soon as he realises where he is. Alec stares at the door that separates him from his bedroom, and therefore the dreadful reality that this night will be spent alone, for the first time in a long time. Numb indifference overtaking him, he quickly slips into his dark room and shuts the door behind him.
It’s dark. It’s late. Way past midnight, but Alec doesn’t feel tired, his mind racing even though his body feels like it could collapse any second. So he just stares at his bed, fear filling every crevice of his broken heart. He hasn’t known the feeling of an empty bed since those mornings not too long ago when Magnus was plagued with nightmares and stayed up all night, leaving Alec with empty arms each morning.
Even then, the feeling of cold sheets scared Alec, but he knew he could help Magnus, or talk to him at least. How would it feel now, with the uncertainty of whether he'd ever have Magnus back in his arms again? Lonely, no doubt, but Alec had been keeping the weight of that loneliness at bay for most of the night as he unconsciously avoided the bedroom he had grown up in but that had never felt like home.
So he takes his time in getting ready for bed, stripping down with slow, shaking hands, brushing his teeth, and splashing cold water on his face. All only distractions.
Deciding to get it over with, he falls onto his bed with a sigh, and is immediately attacked by his senses. The material beneath him feels rough, nothing like the silk sheets he’d grown used to thanks to Magnus. It’s too small for two people, so the expanse of his loneliness is confined to his single bed, wrapped up with him in the cotton sheets. Most of all, though, it doesn’t smell like Magnus. Like home. Nothing in this entire room does.
Uselessly, he searches for the scent in his pillow, in his bare skin, in the clothes discarded next to him on the floor. But it’s not there, so he settles for marking his new home with his tears, burying his face in the unfamiliar sheets as he heaves out muffled sobs.
Alec’s sore eyes are drawn from beneath his sheets when he hears the door to his room creak open slowly, and the light from the hallway makes a growing path until it’s framing his bed. Sitting up, Alec has to squint to identify the dark silhouette standing in the doorway, and once he does, he sighs, sinking back into bed. He can’t help the surge of hope that takes a little bit of the weight off his chest, though.
“What do you want, Jace?”
Silence follows, the room plunging once again into darkness as Jace closes the door behind him and walks over to Alec. Seconds later, his bedside lamp is on, and Alec groans, shooting Jace a puffy-eyed glare.
His brother stands by his bed, arms folded and a frown pulling his features into an unusually serious mask.
“Are you going to tell me what happened out in that hallway or are you going to make me guess why you’re sleeping at the Institute for the first time since you and Magnus had sex?”
Alec clenches his teeth. “I’m fine, just go back to bed.”
“You’re my parabatai, Alec. I know you’re not fine.” Jace’s worrying gaze drifts down to Alec’s parabatai rune.
Oh. The bond, it must be hurting Jace when he tries to sleep. Looking at the digital clock beside his bed and seeing that it’s beyond late, Alec can’t help but feel guilty. He sighs. “Sorry, Jace. I’ll be asleep soon, just...just go.”
“I’m not leaving until you tell me what he did to you,” Jace huffs, planting himself firmly on Alec’s bed. Alec looks at him in bewilderment and he sits up again.
“He-Magnus didn’t do anything. I just,” he sighs, dragging a hand down his tired face. “I lied to him about the Soul Sword.”
Jace immediately looks enraged. “You were doing it for him, right? That’s not your fault, Alec, you were doing your job!”
Alec holds back a scoff, instead looking down at his hands that rest in his lap. “I know,” he breathes out, because he does know it’s not completely his fault. “But he can’t just think of himself right now. He has a lot of Downworlders to protect, and he needs space to think about what me lying to him means for all of them.”
There’s a pause of silence where Alec continues to stare down at his hands, wishing for the familiarity of Magnus’ hands in his own, the various rings there to play and distract himself with. Then Jace sighs.
“I wish you were angry at him so I could offer to beat him up for you.” Alec lets out a soft laugh, looking back at his parabatai with teary eyes. “Izzy would be way better at this.”
Alec smiles. “Very helpful, Jace,” he jokes. Jace brings a hand up to rest on his parabatai’s shoulder and he squeezes it gently.
“Hey,” he says, voice gentle. “Seriously, I think it’s good that you and Magnus are so understanding. It’s what makes me confident that you two will get through this. Maybe not tomorrow, or anytime soon, maybe not even till after this inevitable war we’re facing, but you and Magnus love each other. And it’s so intense, it’s impossible that you won’t find your way back to each other.”
Alec stares at his parabatai in shock, barely registering the tears trailing down his face. He gives Jace a shaky smile before pulling him into a tight hug, a small sob escaping him as he does.
They stay like that for a while, Jace rubbing soothing circles on Alec’s back as Alec lets it all out in the bedroom he grew up in, in the bedroom he used to spend nights in wondering if he’d ever even have a boyfriend. Now he’s crying over his first one.
Eventually, Alec pulls back, the events of the day finally hitting him full force, the exhaustion overcoming him.
“Thanks, Jace.” His brother just smiles at him, a smile that says ‘I’ll always be here for you’, and Alec smiles back at him before closing his eyes and settling back down into his hopefully temporary bed. “This is why you’re my parabatai.”