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You may say you're walking all by yourself
Have no one else.
Your life is deadly like a loaded gun,
And you're shaking Love.
She doesn’t remember getting here. She doesn’t remember wrapping her arms around her love’s hunched body. A tiny body now shaking with the force of her sobs. She hugs her tighter, trying to will her to stop.
I’m here, baby. I’m here, I’m here, please stop crying.
But it’s no use. Nothing she does will make her stop crying.
Because I’m why she’s crying.
And with a deep breath Nicole finally looks up to see for the first time her pale body lying still in the hospital bed. The monitors are dark around her, because she no longer needs them.
She’s gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The last thing she remembers is the gentle caress on her cheek.
“I’m going to go get Treasure Island, okay? I’m going to read it to you until you’re feeling all better, then you can tell me all about how exasperated those damn pirates make you.” Waverly smiles but she’s crying. The words barely make it out without becoming choked. Nicole doesn’t have the strength to talk anymore, but she gives a small smile.
Be strong for her.
A few minutes after Waverly exits the room, she feels her heart drop. Her breathing gets heavier, and she feels her fingers and toes getting colder, and colder.
Something is wrong. Something is so so wrong.
She starts to panic when the cold creeps up her arms and her legs.
I can’t feel anything.
She tries to cry out but can’t. There’s no air left in her lungs to scream.
HELP
A firm hand holds her shoulder and she looks up to find Waverly. But he’s not Waverly. He’s a tall, Haitian man in a fine suit. His eyes are old, but the hint of softness is comforting. Or it would be, if his face wasn’t painted white like a skull.
Her blood runs cold.
Not today, not like this. Not alone.
But as if he can hear her, he simply nods.
“It is time.”
His calloused hand raises over her face, and lowers her lids. What she could not hear after the darkness took over was the alarm of the heart monitor
or the clamor of running footsteps as half the hospital staff rushed to her room
or the scream of her Waverly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't shiver,
Don't give up,
Don't quiver,
You're enough,
You will be just fine tonight
It was worse than dying, to see her like this. Drinking whiskey like it was all that could keep her alive.
It was.
The Baron said he would have taken her across. If he could anymore. But something about a hat that was gone and now he couldn’t. So here she was. Watching. Crying.
Do ghosts cry?
She stepped toward the bar and laid a hand on Waverly’s. She felt the woman tense at her touch.
She doesn’t know.
“I’m here, baby. I’m right here. Please, please don’t do this to yourself. You don’t deserve this and I am so, so sorry. For everything. You don’t deserve that stupid curse and please-” her voice broke, “Please try to understand, it wasn’t your fault. Okay? It wasn't your fault.”
She knows she can’t hear her-
Can she?
-but with the last word Waverly pushes the bottle aside and drops her head in her hands, silent tears falling.
Nicole wraps her other arm around her and continues running a thumb over her closest hand.
I’m always here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baby when it's cold outside
I will keep you warm
Save you from the storm
I will light a fire and the embers bright
Will guide you through the night.
When it's cold outside
I will light a fire.
It was late. How late she didn’t know. She didn’t think Waverly knew either. She was lying on the couch at the Homestead, reading that old copy of Treasure Island.
She wouldn’t dare go into her room since that day.
Nicole couldn’t help but smile. She was leaning up against the banister, just watching.
What else can I do?
Wait.
Can I do anything else?
It was probably stupid. Movies aren’t exactly stellar replicas of reality after all. But hey- no one would know if she was wrong. She tried to focus on the old chandelier hanging above the coffee table.
Concentrate.
Slowly, it began to sway. Almost imperceptibly- but it swayed. Her eyes widened.
Yes!
Then the lights went out.
Oops.
Waverly shot up and closed the book, placing it on the table and grabbing her shotgun which was perched next to the arm rest.
“Whoever that is you’ve picked a shit time to mess with me!”
“I’m sorry! Let me try to fix that.”
She knew she couldn’t hear. But it was a habit. She tried to concentrate on the light again, this time on- hopefully- getting it to turn back on.
Please don’t be afraid of me, baby.
It did, and at the same moment Waverly cocked her shotgun and searched the room with it half raised, ready to shoot whoever the enemy may be.
When she saw no one, she seemed to start to relax.
“Well...I guess I’m losing it. Huh, I bet Nicole would find this pretty funny- pointing a damn shotgun at nothing.”
It was so quiet she almost didn’t hear it, but when she did she felt a wave of guilt wash over her.
It’s never funny that I scare you.
With her guilt came a gust of wind that blew open the copy of Treasure Island still sitting on the coffee table. The pages flipped rapidly and only stopped when the wind disappeared as suddenly as it came.
I guess I can do that too.
Waverly had jumped with the wind and raised the shotgun at the book. When it finally settled she slowly put the weapon down and walked over to get a closer look. The open facing page’s first line read:
“Sir, with no intention to take offence, I deny your right to put words into my mouth.”
Waverly stared at that line, her mouth slightly open. After what felt like an eternity, she croaked out, “N-Nicole?”
And Nicole could’ve sworn Waverly looked right at her. But she hadn’t, because the next instant she had gathered the book and her keys in trembling hands and walked out the front door.
She had terrified her. The one thing she had never wanted to do and she’d done it. She felt her lip quiver and eyes begin to water with tears.
I shouldn’t even be here anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You've been at the bottom
Only survivin'.
You decide who you are now,
I'm with you through everything.
I need to move on.
She knew she had no place here anymore. She only scared Waverly- hurt her more and she didn’t need that.
I need to get that damn hat to Baron Samedi.
If he had his hat, he could take her away. So she could stop hurting. Herself, Waverly. Just stop hurting.
I don’t belong here anymore.
Waverly had come to her former home with Wynonna and the others. She heard them talking about organizing her possessions.
You’re gone. So be gone.
She sat back against the wall next to her bedroom window as Waverly entered the room. Slowly, like she was unsure if she was even allowed there.
My home is always open to you.
Nicole watched Waverly tenderly pick up the photo she kept on her nightstand, and she felt the tears begin again.
I’m gone forever.
Waverly caressed her photographed smile.
I’m gone, but not in her heart.
It wasn’t what she wanted. God. it’s not what she wanted at all. But she was gone. And they needed to accept that.
But I will always be in her heart. That will never die.
It brought some comfort. Enough comfort that she gathered the strength to throw her bedroom window open, letting the wind from outside scatter her case file all over the room.
Waverly rushed to close the window, and with it secure, she collapsed to the floor sobbing.
I’m so sorry baby.
But it worked as she hoped. Waverly noticed the symbols, and the notes on Baron Samedi. Even from a safe distance Nicole could see her gears start spinning.
Get his hat, baby, and I can let you go. We can let go.
With that thought on her mind, she gave her love a sad smile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baby when it's cold outside
I will keep you warm
Save you from the storm
I will light a fire and the embers bright
Will guide you through the night.
When it's cold outside
I will light a fire.