Chapter Text
They were at the ramparts watching the arrival of their guests. Been a long time since Jaime saw a wolf banner. Reminded him of the last time he visited Winterfell. Felt like it happened in another lifetime. Half of the men who greeted the royal family there now were under the cold, black ground. But that boy, Bran his name was... everyone thought the Greyjoy lad burnt him along with his brother, but the youngest Stark was found later by Ramsay Snow. Where was he now? A cripple boy with no protectors can't last long in this winter.
Don't act like you care, Kingslayer. If it was on you, he'd be dead by now. Sometimes he dreamed about the shove he gave the little boy that day. Sometimes in his dream Bran didn't let go and pulled Jaime down with him. Maybe he could have done something else, could have scared him not to talk, maybe he would have listened. Maybe... Still, there and then, it felt like the right choice. Yet, he couldn't think about it without his stomach clenching.
And now it was all for nothing. This new child in Cersei's womb would be a Lannister by name, not a Baratheon. There will be no more hiding in the dark. The child will know who his father is, and this time he's going to protect him. Everything he wanted came true.
I should be happy. And yet he felt worse and worse by the day. Every new morning felt like a burden, and every night he hoped the dawn would never come. No matter how bad he wanted to hope in a peaceful, idyllic world that Cersei's reign would bring about, in his bones he sensed there was no future, not for Cersei, not for this child, not for him.
Bronn was standing next to him, looking into the distance. His complaints about the promised wife and castle have become a recurring topic that he liked to visit more and more frequently. His claim was even more legit now that he saved his life. He should have left me there, burned by the Targaryen girl's dragon.
"Where are those famous Stark girls whom you so honourably protected?" asked Bronn.
"Probably at Winterfell, where they're needed, since their brother was foolish enough to leave North" Jaime said slightly irritated at Bronn's question.
"I hope they were worth losing a Valyrian sword like that. Especially now that....those things are coming."
Jaime sighed.
"It was wasted on a cripple."
The twin blade of his sword appeared in front of his eyes with the ruby and the lion on the pommel. Then he blinked twice and it wasn't just in front of his eyes, it was there in front of the gates of King's Landing, real and glorious in the scabbard of a - gods, could it be?
Jaime stepped forward once, twice, not bothering about the fact that he reached the edge.
"What are you looking at?" asked Bronn stretching his neck.
Jaime wanted to ask if Bronn saw her too, or was it just the making of his imagination, the tall, blonde woman on a chestnut horse, a woman who was so similar to Brienne... he wanted to ask, but he couldn't talk or move, his eyes were adhered to this vision and all his other senses grew completely deaf.
"Close your mouth, cunt, you'll catch flies."
It was Brienne's hair, her long legs, her slightly rigid posture... but it couldn't be Brienne.
"Oh, that?" Bronn said. "Why are you surprised? You said it yourself that the Stark girls can't come themselves."
It is her, it is her, his brain began chanting as his heart started to transmit the news into his throbbing veins, until it was all over his body and mind that he couldn't stay still any longer. Brienne is here.
"Hey!" Bronn's yell was wasted on the King's Landing wind. "Where are you going??"
It wasn't easy to find the room, that they've appointed as Brienne's, and he had to take extra care not to be seen by one of Qyburn's little birds. If Cersei found out about what part he had to play in getting Sansa Stark home.... Never betray me again, she said and Jaime knew she meant it. Under the smiles and kisses, the words of sweet promises it wasn't the woman she wanted to love, it was the Stranger in all his enormity.
But now it wasn't about his fate, it was about Brienne's.
He awkwardly stood before the door, trying to plan what he's going to say. Even though he knew the exact reason why he was there, nothing came to his mind. The sound of approaching steps urged him to give up on whatever eloquent speech he was going to give and knock on the heavy oakdoor.
"It's open" answered Brienne's voice.
Jaime swallowed and stepped inside.
She was on the other side of the room, next to the bed. From the looks of it, she just stripped herself free of armour, her hand still on Oathkeeper's hilt as she was putting it down. When she turned and saw him, her pale face turned into a sickly shade of green. It looked like she simultanously wanted to prevent herself from smiling and bursting out in a cry.
Jaime took a step closer.
"Ser Jaime!" Brienne gasped finally as if she wanted to prevent Jaime from coming closer.
The formality struck him a bit. He suddenly had this weird urge to remind Brienne that he's the same person who sat on a horse while tied to her back for whole days, the same man she saw naked as his name day in the Harrenhal tub, who collapsed in her lap and whom she had to dress up herself afterwards. No need to 'Ser' me, he wanted to say, but instead he said:
"Aren't you happy at all to see me again... Lady Brienne?" he added in confusion for the jovial tone he accidentally hit surprised even himself.
Brienne stood there, frozen as a statue, unable to utter a word, and Jaime knew it was his fault. How could she possibly say anything to this stupid question?
"Why are you here?" she asked finally, and Jaime saw real surprise and incomprehension in her big, blue eyes.
"The real question is why are YOU here?"
Gods, was it so hard for us to talk, back when we were covered in our own shit?
"I was sent by Lady Sansa to represent her during the demonstration at the Dragonpit."
"No, I meant what part of 'Cersei still wants to see the Stark girl's head on a spike along with everyone's who has been helping her' did you not understand?"
Jaime's voice became passionate, frightening even, partly because he was frightened himself, but also more and more irritated by Brienne's rigid formality.
Brienne looked puzzled at his reproachful outburst. Maybe it was the last sunrays before the nightfall that fell into the chamber and pestered her face like a bride's veil, maybe something else, but Jaime hasn't seen her eyes that beautiful before.
"My oath I swore to Lady Sansa requires me..."
"I know what you swore" Jaime interrupted impatiently. "I doubt the oath also mentions that you have to get yourself foolishly killed."
"Everyone knows Sansa is innocent" said Brienne a bit raising her voice.
"Do you think that Cersei cares...?"
Jaime's angry bitterness was hit by Brienne's wide eyes until he finally realised what he said. At least what it implied. He dropped his gaze and clenched his mouth. For a millisecond he hoped and dreaded at the same time that Brienne would say something like this: Why are you still with her? It would have been the most difficult thing he would ever have to answer, but if he wanted anyone to know why, it was Brienne.
But Brienne didn't dare to ask that, although she was aware her eyes gave away her struggles to understand how can this man still love a woman like that.
"If you're afraid that your sister might realise you gave me your sword -"
"Gods, Brienne, it's not about that! I just... I - can't you see the danger you've put yourself in?!"
His voice grew too loud, he sensed, but Brienne's presumption was an arrow in his heart. How could she assume I am worried about myself?
"I understand Sansa is still young and inexperienced... but that's no excuse for sending you to the lion's den."
Brienne's features have softened, seeing the real concern for her and even the reproach for Sansa in his eyes.
"She knew I'd be safe" she said wanting to defend her lady. She closed her mouth quickly, but not quick enough. She only realised what her words would entail after the last sounds escaped her mouth.
"How could she be sure?" Jaime asked with furrowed brows.
Brienne felt all her blood running into her pale face. Why did you say that? Why would you say that? Her brain was desperately searching for an answer, but they all disappeared in Jaime's green eyes.
"She knew...... she knew you wouldn't let anyone harm me."
The last few words were feather light, nothing more than a whisper, as if she hoped he wouldn't hear them after all.
Jaime tilted his head back. The corner of his right eye contracted and he slightly opened his mouth.
His voice was that of a smiling man.
"And why would Lady Stark have such a good opinion of me?" he said taking a step in her direction and if Brienne didn't know better she would have no other option than to think his voice was almost flirtatious.
Brienne knew she was lost. She didn't dare to look at him any longer. The best option seemed like just getting it over with like ripping off a bandage.
"I told her that you're a good man."
It was as tough her voice came from someone else's mouth.
She waited a bit if Jaime would respond, but he didn't. It was a real challenge, getting herself to look up again. She was terribly afraid that what she would see on his face would suddenly change everything and she wouldn't be able to dismiss the thoughts she had forbidded herself to think any longer.
When she finally did, Jaime was closer, his eyes smiling through a light shadow of tears that made hers itchy as well.
He was too overcome with emotion to speak, with graditude, admiration, longing and love. Yes, it was love. It scared him how strong it suddenly felt, yet it made him unspeakably happy too. He could only hope that Brienne would read it out of his eyes.
"You really shouldn't say things like this, Brienne." Her name was a gem on his tongue and he whispered it in such a carressingly warm tone, Brienne shivered. "People might start to think you're a Lannister, too."
Jaime smiled at her, and Brienne needed all her self control over her face muscles not to return it. Still, she failed.
Both of them froze for a second, scared of what could happen next.
She remembered her foolish dreams she had while being on the road with Podrick in search for Sansa. Dreams about her returning to Jaime, confessing her failure and crying out herself on his shoulder. Now his shoulders were only a few inches away.
Her heart was pounding in her chest when Jaime lifted his good hand and reached out to her. Carefully, as if he wanted to make sure she had enough time to shove him away if she wanted to. But Brienne didn't want to. She let his knuckles wander on her cold-hardened cheek, his skin's touch against her own caused a maddening clench in her stomach. Too soon Jaime dropped his hand and Brienne was frightened at the void the absence of his touch left on her burning skin.
"Then I'd better make sure of your safety" Jaime said in a crestfallen and husky voice as if he wanted to say something else, but was robbed of the proper words. "Can't let Lady Sansa think you're a liar."