Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Wait!” I said. “The air could be toxic!”

“If the air’s toxic, we’re all dead anyway,” snapped Bellamy. Despite myself, I blushed a bit. For some reason, I found this asshole kind of attractive. Maybe it was his looks, but I wasn't completely sure.

Bellamy turned to his sister Octavia and said, “How would you like to be the first person on Earth in a hundred years?” He opened the door and I watched as Octavia inched towards the end, and after a second of hesitation, jumped onto the soil. She inhaled deeply and looked around for a second before putting her arms in the air and screaming “We’re back, bitches!”

Everyone cheered and ran after her. I stayed back for a bit but came out eventually.

While everyone else was running around chasing each other through the trees and enjoying their newly found freedom, I was looking at the map I had been given. I soon realized we were nowhere near our destination. I stared out at the mountains in front of me when somebody came up behind me.

“Why so serious, princess?” It was Finn. “It’s not like we died in a fiery explosion.”

“Try telling that to the two guys who tried to follow you out of their seats,” I responded angrily.

Finn leaned in closer. “You don’t like being called princess, do you princess?” he said. He was right.

“Do you see that peak over there?” I said, ignoring him.

“Yeah.”

“Mount Weather. There’s a radiation-soaked forest between us and our next meal.” I paused for a second, thinking about the severity of our situation. It was pretty bad. No food, no water, barely any experience. Nobody had paid any attention in those lessons they gave us before sending us down. How were we supposed to provide for 100 people? “They dropped us on the wrong damn mountain.”

Back at the dropship a while later, I was inspecting the map trying to figure out what to do. I heard footsteps behind me and turned around to see my former best friend Wells. Why did it have to be him?

“We got problems,” he said. “The communications system is dead. I went to the roof. A dozen panels are missing. Heat fried the wires.”

I stared at him with hatred before saying, “Well all that matters right now is getting to Mount Weather. See, look.” I pointed to a spot on the map. “This is us.” I moved my finger to another spot. “This is where we need to get to if we want to survive.”

“Where’d you learn to do that?” Wells asked.

I stopped and tried not to cry. I tried not to punch Wells in the face. It took everything I had, all the strength in my body to not let my emotions get the best of me. I just looked away and didn’t say anything.

“Your father,” Wells said quietly.

“Oh, cool, a map,” said a goofy voice, distracting me. I spun around and my eyes were met with a boy. He had a slim figure, brown eyes and hair, and he wore big, goofy goggles. I recognized him as Jasper Jordan. He had been a chemist on the Ark.

He looked at me and joked, “They got a bar in this town? I’ll buy you a beer.”

Wells pushed him back. “You mind?” He continued to shove him back until a voice said, “Hey! Hands off him! He’s with us” It was that ass Murphy. He was flanked by about 5 or 6 guys.
“Relax,” said Wells calmly. “We’re just trying to figure out where we are.”

“We’re on the ground,” said Bellamy as a matter-of-factly. “That not good enough for you?” Wells looked around and exhaled loudly. His eyes stopped on me, as if he was asking for my support. I just turned around. I would never help him. Not after what he did.

“We need to find Mount Weather,” he said to Bellamy after a moment. “You heard my father’s message. That has to be our first priority.” He ended addressing everyone who was listening.

“Screw your father,” snapped Octavia. Wells stopped and stared at her in shock. A crowd was beginning to gather. “What, you think you’re in charge here?” she continued. “You and,” she looked at me, “your little princess?” Ok, this girl was starting to piss me off.

“Do you think we care who’s in charge?” I asked her. “We need to get to Mount Weather. Not because the Chancellor said so, but because the longer we wait, the hungrier we’ll get and the harder this’ll be. How long do you think we’ll last without those supplies? We’re looking at a 20-mile trek, ok? So if we want to get there before dark, we need to leave. Now.” I looked around for any supporters.

“I got a better idea,” said Bellamy, smirking. “You two go. Find it for us. Let the privileged do the hard work for a change.”

“Yeah!” I heard a bunch of people shouting and agreeing with Bellamy. Damn, this was going to be harder than I thought. Now not only are we 20 miles away from food and shelter, I might have to do this alone. Not with Wells. Never with Wells.

“You’re not listening,” pleaded Wells. “We all need to go!”

“Look at this, everybody,” smirked Murphy, shoving Wells from behind. “The chancellor of Earth.” I could hear a few scattered laughs.

“You think that’s funny?” said Wells. I could tell he was trying his best to keep it together. That all fell apart when Murphy took a swing and punched Wells in the face. Wells fell to the ground and as he was getting back up, Murphy said, “No, but that was.” Teens were jeering at him.

“Yeah, come on, get em!”

“What you gonna do now, Wells?”

Wells got ready to fight as the taunting grew louder. He was about to punch when Finn jumped down from the dropship and stopped the fight.

Disappointed “aw”’s could be heard from the teens hoping for something to go down.
“Kid has got one leg,” Finn said to Murphy, looking at Wells’ injured leg. “How about you wait until it’s a fair fight?” Murphy looked at Finn with pure hatred and was about to say something before Octavia walked up.

“Hey, spacewalker!” she said to Finn. “Rescue me next.” Teens were chuckling all around. Finn smiled at Octavia and walked away. As the crowd began to break up, I saw Bellamy go over to his sister and give her an angry look. “What?” she innocently. “He’s cute.”

“He’s a criminal.”

“They’re all criminals.”

“Look, O, I came down here to protect you,” Bellamy said angrily, grabbing her arm and leading her away.

“I don't need protecting,” she said, yanking her arm out of his grip. I turned away as they continued to argue.

Finn and I decided to go look for supplies. “We’ll be back tomorrow with food,” I said to Wells.

“How are the two of you gonna carry enough food for 100?” Wells asked, surprised. Finn smiled, turned around, and grabbed the two closest people, Jasper and his best friend Monty. “4 of us. Can we go now?”

“Sounds like a party!” said Octavia, clapping her hands together. “Make it 5!”

“Hey, what the hell are you doing?” asked Bellamy, grasping Octavia’s shoulder.

“Going for a walk,” Octavia said innocently, jerking her shoulder away from him.

I looked at Finn’s wristband and said, “Hey, were you trying to take this thing off?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So, this wristband transmits your vital signs to the Ark. Take them off and they’ll think you’re dead.”

“Should I care?”

“Well, I don’t know, do you want the people to love to think you’re dead? Do you want them to follow you down here in two months? Because they won’t if they think we’re dying.” I tried to stare Finn down and in doing so, I didn't notice Bellamy’s smirk. Finn gave in and I said. “Ok. Now let’s go.”

And one after the other, the 5 of us went into the forest in search of food. I stopped for a bit and went up to Wells. He sighed at me and I said angrily, “You shouldn’t have come here, Wells.” Before he could respond, I followed the rest of the group.

The nuclear war happened 100 years ago. Who knows what we’ll find now? Maybe, just maybe, there will be other people. I seriously doubted that, but hey, you never know.

Chapter Text

As our journey began, Octavia leaned in towards me and said, “Before you get any ideas, Finn is mine.” Ha. Finn? No. Now, Bellamy on the other hand… He may be an ass but he’s definitely a hot one.

“Before you get any ideas, I don’t care,” I told her.

A little while later we came across a bunch of purple flowers. Finn took one and turned to Octavia, putting her flower in her hair. Octavia smiled up at him.

“Now, that, my friend, is game,” I heard Jasper say to Monty.

“That, my friend, is poison sumac,” Monty said, pointing to the flowers.

“What?” Octavia yelped, ripping the flower out of her hair. “It is?”

“Oh, the flowers aren’t poisonous,” Monty said, amused. He grabbed a flower and began to eat it. “They’re medicinal. Calming, actually.”

Jasper let out a small laugh. “His family grows all the pharmaceuticals on the Ark,” he explained to the group.

I turned around with a sigh. “Hey, guys, would you try to keep up?” I said exasperated. We needed to get to Mount Weather, no matter how interesting Earth was.

Finn walked up to her, Jasper, Monty, and Octavia close behind. “Come on, Clarke!” he said. “How do you block all this out?”

“Well, it’s simple,” I said, expressing one of my biggest worries. “I wonder, ‘Why haven’t we seen any animals?’ Maybe it’s because there are none. Maybe we’ve already been exposed to enough radiation to kill us. Sure is pretty, though. Come on.” I turned around and led the way deeper into the forest. I was too lost in my thoughts and worries and responsibilities to notice Octavia’s snarky comment.

“I got to know what you two did to get busted.”

“Sumac is not the only herb in the garden, is you know what I mean,” snorted Monty.

“Someone forgot to replace what we took,” said a smiling Jasper.

“Someone has apologized like 1,000 times,” Monty said, laughing slightly.

The boys stopped joking around long enough for Jasper to ask Octavia, “How about you, Octavia. What’d they get you for?”

Octavia sighed deeply. “Being born,” she responded before running ahead to catch up to me.

I could barely hear Monty saying, “Oh that is so not game,” followed by some quiet hitting noises. I turned around to see Jasper and Monty softly punching each other. I sighed sadly. Wells and I used to be friends like that. Before the whole “situation.”

I turned back around so my emotions wouldn’t get the best of me, and I saw something.

An animal.

It was a deer.

Octavia came up to crouch beside me and I put my finger to my lips to tell the group to be silent. We watched the deer graze for a bit. It was beautiful.

“No animals, huh?” Finn whispered in my ear. I smiled at him for a moment before turning my attention back to the deer. Finn crept forward, but stepped on a stick.

A loud *snap* alerted the deer and it turned it’s head towards them. Wait…

I was met with a horrifying view. The deer had not one, but two heads. The space between them was bloody and I could see flesh, it was revolting. I jumped back, startled by the sight.

The two-headed deer bounded away and I watched it, still shocked by what I had just seen. Jasper stood up and went over to a nearby tree.

“Hey, guys, look at this,” said Jasper. I walked over to see dried blood splattered on and around the tree.

“Huh. How do you think this got here?” I asked.

“Well we’ve seen that there are animals,” Finn pointed out. “Maybe one just caught some dinner.”

“Yeah…” I said slowly. For some reason, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very wrong with this world. As we moved on from the tree, I was too lost in my thoughts to notice the rotting body a few yards away.

“Hey, you know what I’d like to know?” Said Finn. “Why send us down here today after 97 years? What changed?”

I was about to answer but Octavia spoke up before I could. “Who cares? I’m just glad they did. I woke up rotting in a cell,” she grabbed a tree and spun around. “And now I’m spinning in a forest.” She smiled up at Finn. He ignored her and she looked at him longingly as he walked past her.

“Maybe they found something on a satellite or something,” Jasper suggested with a goofy grin. No. Wrong, wrong wrong. “You know, like an old weather satellite or-”

“It wasn’t a satellite,” I interrupted, annoyed. These people were so ignorant. “The Ark is dying.” The rest of the group stopped and looked at me with shock. I ignored them and continued to walk. I passed them saying, “At the current population level, there’s roughly three months left of life support, maybe four now that we’re gone.”

Finn fell into step next to me. “So, that was the secret they locked you up to keep, why they kept you in solitary, floated your old man?” he asked.

“My father was the engineer who discovered the flaw,” I explained. “He thought the people had a right to know. The council disagreed. My mother disagreed. They were afraid it would cause a panic. We were gonna go public anyway, when Wells…” I trailed off. What Wells had done was too heartbreaking to say out loud.

“What, turned in your dad?” Finn said softly.

I gave a small nod and continued, “Anyway, the guard showed up before we could. That’s why today. That’s why it was worth the risk. Even if we all die, at least they bought themselves more time.”

“They’re going to kill more people, aren’t they?” Monty asked nervously. H e was obviously thinking of his mother. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. He was right and I didn’t want to worry him any more.

“Good,” snarked Octavia. “After what they did to me, I say, float them all.” We all stopped and watched her walk away, Finn, Jasper, and Monty all had looks of pure horror on their faces, and I didn’t blame them at all. How could anybody think something like that?

“You don’t mean that!” said Jasper, running to catch up to Octavia.

As he tried to change her mind, Finn leaned close to me and said, “We have to warn them.”

“That’s what my father said,” I whispered. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I didn’t want anyone to see me crying so I turned away and went towards Jasper, who had stopped and was looking at me with despair in his eyes. He must have been unsuccessful in trying to stop Octavia from thinking those awful things.

I looked past his shoulder with a look of disgust and horror. Jasper turned to see what I was looking at and his mood changed instantly. “Oh, damn,” he said breathlessly. “I love Earth.”
Octavia was standing by the river, taking her pants off.

“Oh! Holy- Ha ha!” I hit Jasper in the side. “Shut up,” I hissed. He didn’t shut up.

“Octavia, what the hell are you doing?” I yelled, stepping forward.

She turned and looked at me. I could see why all the guys were into her. She was very beautiful. She turned away and took a running leap, jumping into the river. We all ran after her and stopped at the edge of the rocks. Her eyes were peeking at us from over the water.

“Octavia, we can’t swim!” said Monty.

“I know, but we can stand,” she giggled in response, standing on the rocks.

“Wait,” I said, confused. “There’s not supposed to be a river here.”

“Well, there is,” said Finn. I turned to look at him and I saw he had that stupid grin on. “So take off your damn clothes.” I smiled and turned back to Octavia, who was playing with the water.

“Oh.” sounded like Jasper. Nobody said anything for a bit, we all getting ready to swim. “Octavia, get out of the water!” Jasper sounded scared. I looked up and saw a big ripple in the water, getting close to Octavia.

“Get out of the water now!” Octavia didn’t move. She must have been paralyzed in fear, because she was just staring at the ripple getting bigger and closer, and moving faster.

She let out a small scream as she was yanked under. I could see her thrashing around, trying to get away from whatever had a hold of her.

“Octavia!” shouted Jasper. Octavia was still screaming in pain. I wanted to help her, but I couldn’t swim and I didn’t know what to do, so I just stared. The thrashing stopped and I could hear Jasper let out a small “No.”

We all stared in horror and terror at the now calm water. Octavia was gone. Then a figure came out, thrashing and screaming, it was Octavia. She was still alive, but how are we gonna save her?

“What the hell is that? We have to help her!” Monty said, voicing my thoughts as we ran down the rocks to get closer to her. “What are you gonna do?” I looked over to see some loose rocks near the water, and an idea came to mind.

“Try not to get eaten,” Finn said. I stood in front of him.

“No, wait, if we distract it, it might let her go. Help me,” I said, leaning down to frantically grab at one of the rocks I had noticed earlier. Monty and Finn grabbed the sides of the rock while I lifted another. As Octavia’s screams grew louder, we worked faster and at last, with one loud final grunt of effort, managed to push it into the water, distracting the creature.

“It worked, it let her go,” said Finn. Yeah, great observation, buddy. We needed to focus on getting Octavia out of the water.

Jasper ran to the edge and jumped in next to Octavia. “I got you,” he said as he grasped her waist and slowly began to help her back to the shore.

“It’s coming back,” said Finn. He tried to contain it and keep everybody calm, but I could hear the worry in his voice.

“It’s headed right for you, guys!” I shouted. Jasper looked back for a second, pure terror visible in his eyes. He worked as fast as he could, but he was still slow.

“Come on, come on, keep going.” He made it to the edge and pushed Octavia up. He climbed up next to her just as the water monster reached him. We ran up and looked at Octavia. She was cut and bloodied. It looked pretty painful. I ripped off a part of Jasper’s shirt and wrapped it around her leg to stop the bleeding.

Octavia smiled, laughed, and hugged Jasper as tightly as she could. The rest of us smiled and laughed with her. We were glad she ok. We were glad she was safe.

“Thank you,” she cried. “Thank you.”

“You’re gonna be ok,” I told her, sighing.

“Note to self,” said Monty, “next time, save the girl.” We all laughed at his little joke and looked back at Octavia, who was still embracing Jasper tightly.

I woke up to birds chirping. It was still night and the trees were glowing a soft shade of blue. I heard a twig snap and I whirled around but didn’t see anything. Maybe I was just hearing things. I was snapped out of my thoughts as I noticed Octavia cuddled up with Jasper. Her little hero.

I got up and trotted casually through the forest, admiring the beautiful view. I strolled over to a heap of glowing bushes and stopped, looking at it with wonder.

“Pretty cool, huh?” It was Finn. He came to stand next to me. I laughed softly. He held out a big leaf full of water.

“Did you go to the river?” I asked. Damn, he was brave. I couldn’t imaging going back after what had happened to Octavia earlier. I would have been scared out of my mind.

“Figured it was worth losing a finger or two,” Finn responded with a smile. I smiled back at him and he handed me the leaf. “Here.” I took it and drank a little bit. He scoffed at me. “You call that a sip?”

I looked at him challengingly and drank the entire thing in one big gulp.

“You think this means we’re all gonna grow two heads?” he asked me jokingly. I let out a small giggle. “What do you know? She can laugh.” He took my hand and led me away. “Come on, you have to see this.”

He crouched down and pointed to something in the ground. “That’s a toe,” he said. “Plus, near as I can tell, whatever it is, it’s walking on two feet. My guess- monkeys.”

I looked at him in disbelief for a bit before bursting out in laughter. After I managed to get myself together I said, “I’m sorry, it’s just, according to everything I’ve read, there were no bipedal animals anywhere near here, certainly not monkeys.”

“Right,” he said quietly. “You read anything about glow-in-the-dark forests or man-eating snakes?”

I nodded to tell him he was right and looked at him, grinning slightly.

“You wanted to go first. Now quit stalling,” I shouted up at Finn, who was grasping onto a rope we had made earlier to cross the river. Jasper was standing next to him and Monty and Octavia were on the cliff below them with me. “Mount Weather awaits.”

I saw Jasper whisper something to Finn but couldn’t tell what he was saying. Finn gave him a big smile and got ready to jump and swing over. He stopped and said to Jasper, “The apache, like the Indians, right?” That’s what they were talking about.

“Apogee, not apache,” Jasper corrected him.

“He knows,” I said. “Today, Finn.”

“Aye, aye, captain,” he said, saluting me. “See you on the other side.” He got ready to jump.

“Wait,” Jasper said, stopping him.

“What?”

“Let me. I can do it.”

Finn handed Jasper the rope. “Knew there was a badass in there somewhere.” He slapped Jasper’s shoulder.

As Jasper laughed nervously, Finn tried to reassure him. “It’s ok to be afraid, Jasper. The trick is not fighting it.”

“See you on the other side,” Jasper grinned. An with a laugh, he stepped back and jumped, crossing the river, whooping the whole way. He jumped in midair and landed on the rocks and twigs. He stumbled around for a bit, regaining his balance before putting his arms in the air and screaming “We are Apogee! Yeah!”

The rest of us cheered along with him. “You did it, Jasper!” He did a little dance, celebrating his victory before looking around a little.

“Let’s go, princess,” Finn told me, handing me the rope. “You’re up.”

As I took the rope, I could hear Jasper screaming again. “Come on, Clarke, you got this! Whoo! Apogee!” Finn gave me a slight nod as reassurance and I looked back at Jasper when he screamed again. He was holding a sign that said ‘Mount Weather.’ “We did it! Mount Weather! Whoo! Whoo!” His cheering was cut off when a spear hit him the chest and he fell back against a tree.

We all stared for a second in horror. Finn looked around to see where it had come from. “J- Jasper!” I called. No response. Maybe he was still alive. He had to be. He was so excited to be here. He couldn’t go like this.

“Jasper!” Monty screamed desperately.

“Jasper! No!” I yelled as Finn tried to pull me away. He succeeded and we ran into the forest.

“We’re not alone,” I said.

As we had begun to trudge home, we heard a scream.

“That sounded like Jasper!” said Monty. As we turned around to head back and get him, I felt something cold against the back of my head. People started to come out of the trees, holding guns and knives.

“Don’t move,” said a voice from behind me.

Chapter Text

“Who are you?” I asked shakily.

No answer.

“Who are you?” I asked again.

No answer.

“What do you want from us?” Finn demanded.

“What about Jasper?” Monty whispered to me.

“He your friend?” asked one of the people from the strange group. He was holding a crossbow. Monty nodded. “He dead?”

“No, he got speared,” I said bravely. “We thought he was dead but we just heard him screaming. He will die if you don’t let us go! We have to help him!”

“He’s probably being eaten by the walkers,” the man behind me said. Walkers? What are walkers?

“What are walkers?” Octavia asked nervously, voicing my thoughts.

A few people from the group chuckled.

The gun left my head and hands patted me down, looking for weapons. A few stepped up from the new group and did the same to my friends.

“You mean to tell me you’ve been wandering around for, say… looks like 17 years and you don’t know what walkers are?” The man behind me asked. “And why don’t you have any weapons with you?”

“We just came down from the sky a day ago,” I explained, turning to face the man behind me. He was middle aged, had curly brown hair, blue eyes, and a great beard. “From the Ark. We didn’t think there were any people down here. We didn’t even know if the Earth was survivable. We don’t know much of anything about it.”

“That must have been what we saw in the sky yesterday!” a boy said to a woman standing next to him, who smiled down at him with motherly eyes. The woman was dark-skinned and wielded a sword. The boy had a cowboy hat, blue eyes, brown hair, and was holding a baby. He looked to be about 14 or 15.

The man in front of me noticed me looking at the boy and stepped in front of him protectively, shielding him from my view. I noticed they look alike. Father and son. My heart ached at the thought that this boy still had his father when I had lost mine.

Wells. More hatred bubbled up and it took everything I had to stop myself from running back to the dropship and slitting his damn throat.

“Please,” I pleaded desperately. “Let us go.” The man didn’t say anything, he just stared at me with a conflicted look. Damn. What has happened to this world since the war?

I heard Jasper scream again and ran towards the sound, pushing past the group that surrounded us. They didn’t try to stop me. I heard footsteps following me but didn’t turn around. I didn’t look over my shoulder. I didn’t stop. I had to help Jasper.

“Clarke!” Finn said from close behind me as we reached the river. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back. “Stay out of the trees.”

Monty and Octavia came up next to Finn and we all scanned the ground, looking for any sign of Jasper. “He was right there,” breathed Finn.

“No! Where is he,” Monty said. I could tell in his voice he was terrified for Jasper. He was loyal.

“They took him.”

“Who’s they?” said a voice from behind me. I let out a small yelp, startled, and turned around. It was the man who had pointed a gun at me.

“We don’t know.”

“How important is he to you?”

“Very.”

The man sighed deeply. He’d obviously lost people before. Whatever had happened to this world to make everybody look so broken down and lost, it must be bad. Very bad. I was suddenly even more worried for Jasper. Hell, I didn’t even think that was possible.

“He’s been taken by somebody. That means it wasn’t walkers. This is way worse. We’ll help you find him,” the man finally said. “Daryl,” he nodded to the man holding the crossbow. “He’s an excellent tracker. We’ll get to him.”

“Thank you so much,” Monty said, obviously trying hard not to break into a sob.

“Rick Grimes,” the man said. “Let’s go get your friend.”

I was sitting by a tree with Finn, Octavia, and Monty. Rick was busy bossing his group around, splitting them in two. I had suggested we go back to the dropship for reinforcements. After all, we didn’t know how many of them there were.

Rick seemingly didn’t want his son anywhere near these strangers, so he sent him off with Daryl and a woman with short brown hair and a heavy southern accent. Something was wrong with her. She looked very upset about something. Rick took the baby, very conflicted about what to do with her, but decided she’d be safer with a bigger group. Why he sent his son away, though, I didn’t get that. But after all, I guess I didn’t know anything about this world. I still didn’t understand what walkers were, but it seemed that they were very dangerous. Guess you’d need all hands to fight them off, whatever they were.

“Think we can trust them?” Finn whispered.

“Anything for Jasper,” Monty responded.

After Rick finished, he came over to me. “Daryl, Carl, and Maggie are going to follow your friends tracks, see if they can find him. The rest of us are goin’ back with you. We’ll meet back at the river in a day.”

I nodded and turned around, heading back to the dropship while the other three walked back towards the river.

About halfway back, I asked Rick something I’d been wondering for a few hours now. “Why are you helping us?”

“You clearly don’t know anything,” he started. “You don’t have any weapons, little fear of other people, you don’t even know what walkers are. We lost a few people not too long ago. Maggie’s sister Beth, Sasha’s brother Tyreese. They were good people. I can tell you’ve lost somebody and you’re determined to not let it happen again. And in this world, you gotta help if you can. Mostly it’s a lost cause and there’s no point in tryin,’ but from what I’ve seen, there might be hope here.”

I nodded. I didn’t fully understand to be honest, but I also didn’t know what was going on. I was about to ask but Rick spoke again.

“Who’d you lose?”

I didn’t say anything for a second. Hy heart burned and I could feel a lump in my throat. “My father,” I whispered.

Rick didn’t say anything, he just looked at me with understanding. He’s lost somebody, too. I didn’t ask. I didn’t know how fresh it was for him and I didn’t want to hurt him. I had just met him, yet he seemed trustworthy. He felt like a friend and I wanted him to be happy. I couldn’t explain it.

“We’ve all lost somebody,” he said quietly.

“That boy with the hat,” I said. “Is he your son?”

“Yeah. Carl. He lost his mother as she was giving birth to his baby sister,” he sighed for a second and I thought I saw a hint of a tear in his eyes. “He’s very protective of her.”
“What’s her name?”

“Judith.”

“What are-” I was cut off by shouting and cheering. I was about to ask what walkers were, but we had arrived back at the dropship. That took way faster than I thought it would.

Oh, God, what was happening now? If Rick saw us turning against ourselves within a day, he probably wouldn’t help us find Jasper. He’d just shoot us all down and leave. Please don’t be anything violent. Please don’t be anything violent. Please…

I ran into the clearing to see Wells holding Murphy, a piece of metal to his throat.

Chapter Text

“Wells!” I shouted angrily. What are you doing, you dumbass? “Let him go!” I commanded. I marched up to Wells and he threw Murphy to the ground. Murphy took a moment to recollect himself before getting up and charging at Wells, only to be stopped by Bellamy.

“Enough, Murphy,” he said, pushing Murphy away. Bellamy turned around, a look of despair reaching his eyes when he saw Octavia limping over with Monty. “Octavia, are you alright?” he asked desperately, running over to embrace her. She gave a silent, pained “yeah,” and he turned to me. “Where’s the food?” I didn’t know what to say. I just stood there.

“We didn’t make it to Mount Weather,” Finn explained, sitting down on a nearby log.

“Well, what the hell happened out there?” Bellamy demanded angrily.

“We were attacked,” I said.

“Attacked? By what?” Wells asked immediately.

“Not what,” Finn corrected him. “Who.” Everyone stared with shock. I could practically read their minds. Other people? I thought the exact same thing earlier. “It turns out, when the last man from the ground died on the ark, he wasn’t the last grounder.”

“It’s true,” I said as Bellamy looked at Octavia with disbelief. “Everything we thought we knew about the ground is wrong. There are people here, survivors.” Mutters and whispers ripped through camp. “The good news is, that means we can survive. Radiation won’t kill us.”

“The bad news is, the grounders will,” Finn said glumly. Way to kill the mood, man.

It was silent for a few moments, everyone taking in what they had just been told. “Where’s the kid with the goggles?” Wells asked.

My heart dropped to my stomach. I was still worried for Jasper. If he died, I don’t know what I’d do. “Jasper was hit,” I told him. “They took him.” I looked at the ground, tears threatening to escape my eyes, but saw something that distracted me. “Where is your wristband?” I grabbed Wells’ arm, examining it. How could he be so stupid?

Wells jerked his arm out of my grip and gave Bellamy the death stare. “Ask him,” he snarled.

I stepped forward threateningly. “How many?” I asked, my voice full of pure rage.

“24 and counting,” Murphy smirked triumphantly.

I stared in disbelief. “You idiots!” I hissed. “Life support on the Ark is failing! That’s why they brought us down here!” I just stopped after that. There was so much more I wanted to say, but I had explained this shit to them multiple times and they were either too stupid to stop or they just didn’t care. Right now, we needed to get Jasper. I turned to the forest where Rick and his group was hiding.

“We’re stronger than you think,” Bellamy said, following my eyes. He must not have seen anything, because he turned back to the gathered teens and began to address them. “Don’t listen to her. She’s one of the privileged. If they come down, she’ll have it good. How many of you can say the same? We can take care of ourselves. That wristband on your arm? It makes you a prisoner. We are NOT prisoners anymore. They say they’ll forgive your crimes. I say you’re not criminals! You’re fighters, survivors! The grounders should worry about us!”

Shouts of agreement followed. No, no, no. You’re all so stupid. I shook my head in anger and marched off towards the woods, Monty following close behind. “What do we do now?” he asked me.

“Now we go after Jasper.” I went to where Rick was crouched behind a bush. “Wait here for a bit,” I told him. “We need to go get ready. We might not be getting help at all.”

He nodded and I walked back towards the dropship to pack some thangs.

I had just grabbed a map when the door opened. “There you are.” I recognized the voice to be Wells. I wiped away my tears. Yes, I had been crying. These last few days had been so stressful and I hadn’t had time to get all my emotions out. My father, Jasper, Bellamy being a bitch, everything. I slung the bag over my shoulder and tried to ignore him.

“When my father said they didn’t leave us anything, he really meant it.” He followed me to the table I had stopped at, sighing. I looked at his arm and before he could react or try to hide it. I grabbed his arm and gave him a look. “It’s just a scratch.”

“You’re making friends fast,” I commented. As much as I hated to admit it, I was worried about him. But why? This was Wells. He killed my father. “Keep it covered,” I told him, exasperated. ‘It could get infected.”

I looked behind him and was about to comment on his bag he seemed to have made, but I was interrupted by angry shouting followed by a gunshot. Shit.

I sprinted outside and saw Rick pointing a gun at Bellamy.

“Who the hell are you?” Bellamy was screaming at him.

“They’re the grounders that took Jasper!” Murphy was yelling. Monty and Octavia were trying to push Bellamy away, only to be pushed away themselves.

“What is going on?” I demanded, marching over. I looked at Rick, asking him, not Bellamy. Bellamy would have just said something stupid.

“Judith started crying,” he told me, nodding to the baby in his left arm. “A few of them came over and started threatening us. Tried to kill Carol.” He looked over to where a middle-aged woman with short gray hair had Fox in a harsh headlock, a gun to her head.

“You know these people?” Bellamy snarled. I nodded.

“We met after Jasper was hit. They’re not dangerous. They’re going to help us find him.”

“How do you know it wasn’t them who killed him?” He demanded snarkily.

“They don’t use spears. If you couldn’t tell, they have guns. And Jasper isn’t dead.”

Bellamy snorted. Guess that was his way of saying he believed me. Thankfully he didn’t comment that they could of used both, I didn’t know how I’d explain that. But it wasn’t Rick, that much I knew.

“Let’s all just calm down,” I said. “Don’t hurt each other. They’re here to help.” I looked at Bellamy with a pleading look. They listened to him. He nodded at me and dismissed everyone else. Thank God. I watched as Carol let go of Fox, muttering an apology. Fox nodded, but I could see pure fear in her eyes.

As the teens began to split up, Rick came over to stand next to me. “Your group seems a bit unhinged,” he commented. I sighed in agreement.

“It’s been a tough three days.”

He laughed a bit before getting serious again. “So what now?”

“I’m going to talk to Bellamy, try to get some help,” I told Rick. But first, something more important. “What are walkers?”

He sighed. He sat down on a log and motioned for me to join him. When I sat down, he began to talk. “They’re walking corpses. Dead people.” When I looked at him in disbelief, he continued to explain. “The radiation from the bombs caused mutations. Somethin’ happened. It created a virus or whatever. It didn’t start til about 5 years ago. Why it took so long, I don’t know. It was awful, we were rebuilding civilization. Carl was 10 and I was thinking he’d have a future. Schools were being rebuilt, we had electricity again. It was like the world hadn’t ended in the first place. I was shot and about two months later I woke up in the hospital. I didn’t know what was going on. Everything was abandoned. I met this guy. He brought me up to date on the fate of the world. We’re all infected with somethin’ I still don’t know what. With you, I’m not sure. You just came down recently. But if you die, you don’t stay dead. You come back after a while. But you’re not you. You’re a monster. Clarke, if you see one of those things, destroy its brain. That’s the only way to kill it. Those things, they’ll eat you alive. Don’t get bit. Don’t get scratched. If you have to kill a living person, get their brain. That way they can’t turn.” I nodded. I didn’t fully understand, but I knew I would soon. These was one of those things you’d have to see in person.

I stood up to talk to Bellamy. “Thanks,” I told Rick as I began to walk away.

“Clarke.” I turned around. “After we get Jasper back, I’ll teach you and your group to shoot.” I nodded gratefully and made my way to Bellamy, who was cleaning Octavia’s wound.

“You could have been killed,” Bellamy scolded her softly.

“She would have been if Jasper hadn’t jumped in and pulled her out,” I told him.

“You guys leaving?” Octavia asked me. “I’m coming, too.”

Bellamy stopped her. “No, no way. Not again.”

“He’s right, your leg’s just gonna slow us down,” I told her, before turning to Bellamy. “I’m here for you. I hear you have a gun.” Bellamy lifted his shirt to show her. “Good. Follow me.”

“And why would I do that?”

“Because you want them to follow you. And right now, they’re thinking only one of us is scared.” I watched as he glared at me, contemplating my words. I turned around and walked back towards Rick.

“Murphy,” I heard Bellamy behind me. “Come with me. Atom? My sister doesn’t leave camp. That clear?”

“We’ve got help,” I told Rick happily, ignoring the argument that was going on between Bellamy and Octavia behind me.

“Good,” Rick said. “Now let’s go.”

We were just about to leave when what looked like a person stumbled into the clearing, growling.

I looked over at Rick, who pulled his gun out and aimed at it.

He shot it in the head, bringing it down, but not before it growled and ripped out a chunk of Jerry's throat. He screamed in agony and dropped to the ground, blood pouring out of his neck.

More of those… things started coming out of the trees, growling and snarling, going after the screaming, panicking teens. Some stopped and crouched by Jerry, ripping him apart and eating him alive as I watched in horror.

So this is what walkers were.

Chapter Text

Rick and his group pulled out their guns and shot at the walkers until there were none left. “Anyone bitten?” Rick called out. A few teens looked around nervously and Rick stomped over to examine them. Sure enough, most of the teens he checked had bloody caves in their arms or necks.

Rick sighed and looked at me. “What do you want to do?”

I looked at him, confused, then remembered what he had said about bites. I didn’t know what to say, so I just looked at him with my mouth opening and closing like an idiot.

“What do you mean?” Bellamy demanded, stepping forward. “What does it matter?” He then looked at me. “What do you know?”

I looked at my feet. “Tell them,” I whispered to Rick.

“You sure?”

I nodded. “Tell them what you told me.” I looked up again to see everyone looking at each other in confusion. Bellamy caught my eye and looked at me. But not with anger or hate. I smiled at him slightly to tell him everything would be ok and he looked away, but I caught the tips of his mouth curving up slightly as well.

“Those things are dead…” Rick was addressing the teens. “All they want is food. They will eat you alive, you get bit or scratched, you die. You die, you become one of them.”

Bellamy took a step back. “Bellamy.” He looked at me. “You know what we have to do.”

“...Make sure to get the brain…”

He looked at me and nodded, his eyes full of sorrow. He cared. My heart broke in half. I thought he only cared about control. After all this, I thought Bellamy wasn’t capable of love or compassion unless it involved his sister, but I could tell he was upset about this.

It made him even more attractive.

“What do you want to do?” he asked me quietly, tears glimmering in his eyes.

“We tell them together.”

Bellamy nodded and we waited until Rick finished up before stepping forward.

“Say your goodbyes,” I choked out. “We have to kill them.”

Teens wailed and screamed at me. “You son of a bitch!” They didn’t stop until Bellamy stepped forward.

“She’s right,” he said to the blubbering teens. “If we don’t put them down, they’ll turn into those things and they’ll kill more of us.”

“You’re siding with her?” Fox screamed, holding her bitten best friend in her arms.

Bellamy nodded sadly. “It’s best this way.” He turned and walked away. I followed him and we sat on a rock and watched the executions take place.

“Didn’t think you had a heart,” I said to him.

“You’d be surprised.”

“I am.”

Rick trotted up to me, no emotion showing on his face. He didn’t seem fazed by just now killing 4 teens. He must do this a lot.

“You still want to go, or…” he trailed off and waited for me to respond.

“Yeah,” I said. “Let’s go get Jasper.”

We trudged through the forest. I was getting really pissed off because Wells wouldn’t shut the hell up. I wanted nothing more than to punch his stupid face.

“Hey, hold up!” Bellamy called, pulling out his gun. He smiled playfully. “What’s the rush? You don’t survive a spear to the heart.”

“Put the gun down, Bellamy,” Wells stopped in front of him and tried to slap the gun out of Bellamy’s hand. Bellamy smiled up at him goofily as Murphy shoved Wells to the side.

“Well, why don’t you do something about it, huh?”

“Jasper screamed when they moved him,” I explained, exasperated. I was so fed up with Bellamy’s stupid (but hot) antics. “If the spear struck his heart, he’d have died instantly. It doesn’t mean we have time to waste.”

“You call this a rescue party?” Finn said, sauntering over. “Got to split up, cover more ground. Clarke, come with me.” I looked at Rick.

“My group will split in two. You can’t wander around these woods alone with no protection.”

I nodded gratefully. Rick took a minute to sort everyone out then turned back to me. “Let’s go.”

Rick led the way to the river. Finn walked beside me and I sighed. “Better late than never.”

“I’d like to think so,” Finn responded.

After a few hours of walking, we began to discuss the new people. The hostile ones, not Rick. We decided to call them Grounders. It sounded right.

“They waited for us to cross,” I said. “The river’s a boundary.”

Finn sighed and looked up at the trees. “Which means Mount Weather is off limits.”

I scoffed, angry. “How are we going to get those supplies? What are we gonna do for food?”

“Hey!” Rick was calling us from ahead. “Stop making out and get your asses over here!” I rolled my eyes and ran to catch up.

“Take a look at this,” a buff, red-headed man said to me, smiling. He stepped to the side to reveal a small waterfall. It was beautiful.

“Wow,” I said.

The man chuckled kindly and held out his hand. I shook it. “Abraham Ford,” he told me. “With all the confusion, I haven’t had much time to introduce myself.”

Finn smiled and ran over to the waterfall. “Damn it, Finn.” I sprinted after him. He jumped in the water and splashed me. I ignored him and went to refill my canteen.

I stood back up and he splashed me again. I stood there, staring at him with disbelief. Really, dude?

“Come on, Finn, we don’t have time for this.”

“Clarke,” he told me, smiling. “We’ve been hiking for hours. We need to take a break.”

“I’ll take a break when we find Jasper,” I snapped back. “Come on.”

Finn looked down and began to step out. He splashed me again and as I reached down to slap him, he grabbed my hand and began to pull me in.

I stared at him as he smiled at me. “No.” he started to pull harder. “No, no, No, Finn!” I warned him. “Finn, don’t!” He yanked me once more and I fell in.

I splashed water at him as hard as I could. “Damn it, Finn!” He laughed and I began to get used to the water. I was about to smile up at him when somebody screamed “Cannonball!” and a big black dude jumped in next to us, laughing.

I smiled slightly at him, but my smile widened when I heard a girl scolding him. “Really mature, Tyreese.” Do I sound like that? I wondered.

“Guys!” I looked over Finn’s shoulder to see Rick and Abraham calling everyone over. When I saw what they were looking at, my smile faded.

Finn, Tyreese, and I stepped out of the water and ran over. There was blood splattered over a rock. Rick put his fingers to it and when he pulled them back up, there was blood on them. It was fresh.

“He was here,” I said quickly. “We should get the others.”

“Hold up,” said Rick. “This could be anyone’s blood.”

“But what if it is Jasper?” I looked at him challengly.

“Hey,” Finn said. I looked over and he hald up a pair of goggles. Jasper’s goggles. “Jasper.”

I looked at Rick. “Now we know.”

Finn nodded. “We’re close.”

“Hey, how do we know this is the right way?” Murphy asked.

“We don’t,” said Bellamy. “Spacewalker thinks he’s a tracker.”

“It’s called ‘Cutting Sign,’” Wells said to Bellamy. “Fourth-year Earth skills. He’s good.”

“You want to keep it down or should I paint a target on our backs?” Rick snapped. “Shut up.” I snorted, amused. Finally someone had some sense.

“Hey,” said Tyreese. “There’s more blood down here.”

We heard a moan in the distance followed by shouting. It was faint, but not too far away. We got up and raced after the sound. Murphy stupidly hit a tree and fell unconscious so we had to stop and help him. At that time, the shouting stopped and Maggie crashed through the trees.

“Rick. I think we found him.”

We charged through the trees as fast as we could after Maggie. We came into the clearing to see Carl in a tree, untying Jasper while Daryl stood below him, his arms stretched to catch Jasper when he was free.

Jasper fell into Daryl’s arms and Carl jumped down after him. They placed Jasper’s arms around their necks and turned around, just then spotting the rest of the group.

“This him?” Daryl called to me.

“Yes!”

Finn ran forward followed closely by Wells to take Jasper from their arms. As they did, they heard a growl and a giant black panther jumped from the bushes, heading straight for Carl and Daryl. Rick pulled out his gun and shot it, bringing it to the ground.

“Carl!” He raced forward and hugged his son, and I noticed that Carl flinched at his touch. “I heard commotion earlier. Are you alright? What happened?”

I noticed Maggie and Daryl exchange glum looks.

“I’m fine. Nothing happened,” Carl said, shouldering past his father.

Rick looked at Daryl, who leaned in and whispered something in Rick’s ear. Rick turned a deathly shade of white and ran after his son, Daryl close behind.

Chapter Text

“He needs serious medical attention,” I said. We had stopped for a short break and I was looking Jasper over. “We have to get back as fast as we can.”

“I can carry ‘m,” Daryl offered. I looked up at him gratefully and nodded.

Daryl raised Jasper from the ground easily and began to jog back to camp. We were almost there when we heard rustling in the trees.

We all went silent as Rick pointed his gun in the direction of the noise. There was a low growling.

“Walkers?” Finn whispered. Carl looked at him and shook his head. “Walkers sound different,” he told us, pulling out his gun and stepping forward to stand next to his father.

A panther sprung from the trees, but before it could hurt anyone, Rick and Carl fired their guns and brought it down. That's the second panther so far. How many of these things are there?

The African American woman stepped forward and grabbed the corpse, slinging it over her shoulders. “We’ll be eating well tonight, won’t we?” she said, winking at Carl. “Get over here and help me.”

I smiled as Carl practically bounced over to her.

“Is she Carl’s mother?” I asked Rick as we began walking again.

“Michonne? No, she’s not. His mother died a while ago giving birth to Judith,” Rick said to me. “Carl was one to put her down. We met Michonne a little while later and I guess she’s been filling in.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

We came closer and we could see the familiar clearing through the trees, but something was off. No teens were shouting or fighting. Nobody was talking or chasing each other. Nobody was hitting each other with sticks. It was too quiet. Something was wrong.

We inched closer and that’s when we heard it. The moans of the undead. There were about 10 bodies covering the ground, all with walkers ripping intestines out. I noticed the dropship door was closed and a large group of walkers were pounding on it. They must have hidden there. Michonne dropped the panther and Daryl handed Jasper to Finn. Rick’s group took out knives and began to spread out, taking out the walkers quickly and quietly.

I’m not going to lie, I was impressed. These badasses really knew what they were doing. When all the walkers were dead, I inched over to the dropship. “Anyone in there?” I called.

“Yeah,” I recognized Harper’s voice. “Is it safe now?”

“They’re dead. You can come out,” Bellamy said.

The door opened and the teens stepped out. Some looked pretty shaken up and a few threw up when they saw their friends gutted and eaten alive.

“Clarke,” Rick was calling me.

“Yes?”

“We need to teach your people to shoot. When Jasper’s fully healed we should go find some guns.” I nodded.

“Who’s hungry?” Bellamy yelled triumphantly, throwing the panther on the ground. The teens cheered, forgetting about the massacre that had just taken place mere minutes ago and began to gather wood to cook it.

“Carl, what happened out there?” I heard Rick asking his son. I hid behind a tree and listened. I didn’t want to be rude and eavesdrop or anything, but I had been wondering that myself. I didn’t know Carl, I hadn’t ever talked to him, but even I could tell he’d been acting strangely since he had helped Jasper.

“Nothing happened.”

“Carl.”

“Nothing happened, Dad. I’m fine.”

“Daryl told me.”

“Then why ask?”

“He didn’t give me any details.”

Carl didn’t answer.

“Carl, please.”

There was a moment of silence. I figured he wasn’t going to say anything, so I got ready to leave , but stopped when Carl started talking.

“We had set some snares earlier and Daryl and I went to check them. Maggie was staying behind to watch our stuff and some people surrounded us.”

“How many?”

“Six. They put guns to our heads and started demanding for our stuff. We didn’t have anything because it was all back with Maggie. They got mad and said they’d just take something else. One of them grabbed me and held me down while another started taking my pants off. Another one, the leader, I think, was undoing his own.”

I froze and let out a shaky exhale. It was worse than I thought it’d be.

“They didn’t… Did they…?” Rick was having trouble getting his sentences out. I could almost feel the fury radiating off him.

“No. They would’ve. They were seconds away from…” He trailed off with a choking noise before continuing. “Maggie shot one of them and she and Daryl killed them all. They almost ripped the leader in half.”

“Oh, Carl,” Rick whispered. I could hear Carl whimpering.

“It was just like last time.”

Last time? I tried to hold back tears as I stumbled away.

“Clarke?” Monty. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” I said, wiping my tears away. “I’m fine. How’s Jasper?”

“I think he needs medicine, but I’m not really a doctor,” Monty said. “Clarke, are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes,” I said. “Come with me. We’re gonna fix Jasper up.”

Later that night, I left to get water for Jasper when I heard a scream. Was it walkers again? I raced towards the sound to see a little girl breathing heavily. She must have had a nightmare.

“Hey, it’s ok,” I said, trying to calm her down a little. “It’s ok. It’s just a dream. You’re Charlotte, right?” I recognized her from a while back. Her mother was screaming her name as she was being pulled away. “I’m Clarke.”

Charlotte sat up and hugged her knees close to her chest. “It’s ok to be scared. Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s…” Charlotte whispered, tears streaming down her face. I nodded to let her know it’d be ok. “My parents. They were floated and they… they seeded my dreams and I just…”

“I understand,” I told her. And it was true. Not just some bullshit lie to comfort her. I really did understand and I knew what she was feeling. I missed my father every day. “My dad was floated, too.”

Charlotte still looked sad. I didn’t know how else to comfort her so I just changed the subject. “How did you get down here?”

Charlotte took in a breath and exhaled sharply. “Well, we were taking my parents’ things to the Redistribution Center and I kind of lost it. They said I assaulted a guard.”

“I can’t say I blame you.” I smiled slightly and Charlotte wiped her nose, looking away.

“Shit.” She stood up quickly and I could see a walker through the trees. “Rick!” I called.

A woman rushed past me and stabbed it in the head. “Thank you,” I told her. “No problem,” the woman said. “I’m Tara.” She held out her hand and I shook it. She looked past my shoulder to see Charlotte sniffling. “She ok?”

“She had a nightmare.”

“Happens to the best of us.” Tara crouched in front of Charlotte. “You’ll be ok.” Charlotte didn’t look convinced, so Tara looked at me awkwardly and left, muttering an apology.

I laughed slightly and looked into the sky. “You see that bright star up there? That’s the Ark orbiting above us. I think whatever happened up there, the pain, I think we can move away from that now. Maybe being on the ground is our second chance.”

“But what about the monsters?”

“They’re a problem, yes, but it’s nothing we can’t overcome. We’re tough. We're strong. We’ve come this far. Who says we won’t win?”

“Do you really believe that?”

I smiled a bit. “I’m trying to. That new group? They’re going to help us. Soon we’ll be able to defend ourselves.”

Charlotte sniffled and nodded. I pulled her into a hug and she rested her head on my shoulder, falling asleep. She’ll be ok. We all will.

Of course, I was ripped out of my damn happy thoughts as Trina and her boyfriend Pascal ran into the clearing, screaming and covered with burns.

Chapter Text

“Shit.” I stood and sprinted over to the two as they collapsed to the ground, screaming in agony. I was beginning to panic, I didn’t know what to do or how to treat this. I finally managed to stutter out, “Somebody get me a wet rag or something!”

“You want that rag moist ?” a boy behind me snorted. He and his friends began to chuckle and I stood and slapped him across the face as hard as I could. “You wanna be a bitch or do you want to help save a life?” I stared him down and I was happy to see that he cowered slightly under my gaze.

He muttered an apology and raced off to get a rag, returning a few minutes later. Pascal began to heave and I turned him to his side, muttering soothing words. He heaved and vomited blood. I pressed the rag to his face softly, not expecting the reaction I got. He began thrashing and screaming in pain. “Stop!” I yelled, trying to calm him down. I grabbed at his arms. “Pascal, stop! You’re making it worse!” He didn’t stop and his burned face practically exploded.

Blood spewed everywhere and Pascal fell to the ground. It didn’t take a genius to see he had died. I let out a few short, shocked gasps as I tried to compose myself. Trina was lying on the ground next to Pascal, hyperventilating. “Trina,” I rushed to her side. “Trina, calm down. You’re going to be ok.” But like Pascal, she didn’t calm down and soon succumbed to her wounds.

“We have to put them down,” Rick told me softly. I looked at him and nodded. Rick unholstered his gun and aimed at Pascal, but was stopped by Bellamy.

“He was my friend,” Bellamy said. “I think I should do it.” Rick looked at Bellamy in sympathy, but didn’t lower his gun. It wasn’t until Bellamy sniffled and said, “Please?” I noticed his voice cracked a little and my heart broke. Rick lowered his gun and stepped back.

“Are you sure?”

Bellamy nodded and took out his gun. He raised it to Pascal’s lifeless body and aimed at his head. After a moment of hesitation, he pulled the trigger and stalked away into the forest. “You can take care of Trina,” he said in that commanding tone of his.

I got up and followed Bellamy. I wasn’t trying to be creepy or anything, I just wanted to make sure he was ok. I followed his tricks using a little technique Finn had taught me earlier and came into a small clearing to see Bellamy collapsed on the ground sobbing.

“Bellamy?” I asked cautiously.

He stopped crying at once and stood as quickly as he could. “What the hell, Clarke?” he yelled.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just wanted to see if you were ok.”

“I’m fine,” he said. “Just leave me alone.” I turned to go but as I began to leave, I changed my mind. I wanted to talk to Bellamy.

“You can’t keep pushing everyone away,” I told him.

“I’m not.”

“You are. You tell them you care about them and what they become, but when you get the chance to connect with them as individuals, you push them away.” I stopped, wondering if he’d say anything. He didn’t so I continued to talk. “What are you scared of?”

“I’m not scared of anything!” he yelled.

“Yes you are,” I told him. I knew I was standing on some incredibly thin ice right now, but I had to get Bellamy to talk.

He didn’t answer, just stared at me with those cold dark eyes full of hatred. But that wasn’t all. Something else was glimmering in them. Something he was trying to hide. Fear. I moved to sit next to him.

“Bellamy, please talk to me.”

“I just…” I leaned in closer, urging him on. “What?”

“My mom was floated for having Octavia. I could barely live without her and then they took Octavia. They took my little sister away from me. I wanted to die, and now that we’re down here, I’m meeting new people and even finding that I care about some people I thought I hated. I don’t want to care for anyone, because that just means that when something happens to them I’ll break down again.”

Tears were streaming down his face. I didn’t expect him to actually tell me, so I just sat there, not knowing what to say. “You can’t push them away,” I said. “They’re your family now. You need to protect them like you protect your sister. You care and you know it. Pushing them away won’t stop how you feel, it’ll just make everyone else think you’re heartless. They’ll stop caring for you, and you’ll feel worse than you ever thought you could.”

He didn’t answer me, but that was fine. I wasn’t expecting a response anyway. I stood to leave and just as I was about to exit the clearing, Bellamy spoke again. “Pascal was my friend,” he whispered. “I don’t want to lose anyone else.”

“I can’t promise you won’t,” I said to him. “That’s the way life is now. Push them away, fine. Do whatever you think you have to. But just know that it’ll make you feel worse than you ever thought it could.”

“Clarke?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you. For talking to me. I really needed that.”

I let out a small laugh. “It’s no problem. If you want, I won’t mention anything to anyone else.” Bellamy nodded gratefully and I turned and headed back to camp.

Tyreese and another woman were carrying the bodies away for burial. A hand touched my shoulder and I yelped. It was Tara. “Sorry,” she said.

“It’s fine.” We stood in silence for a while. It was nice to just have someone with you sometimes. “Hey, Tara, do you think you could introduce me to everyone in your group? I’ve only met a few and it gets kind of confusing sometimes.”

“‘Course!” Tara said happily. She grabbed my arm and dragged me through camp. “You already know Rick and Daryl. That’s Carl,” she pointed to the familiar boy. “He’s Rick’s son, but I think you already knew that. That’s Michonne. She’s awesome. There’s Sasha, Tyreese’s sister.” I recognized her as the girl who was scolding Tyreese back at the river yesterday. “I think you’ve already seen Maggie.”

“Why is she so sad?” I asked. Ever since I had first seen Maggie a few days ago she had been moping around.

“She lost her sister Beth not too long ago. They were separated for while. Maybe two or three months. We found out where Beth was and she was so happy to see her again, but when we went to go get her, someone shot her in the head. She never even saw her alive before it happened. She found out when Daryl carried her body outside.”

Tara’s words pulled at my heart. That was worse than my father. At least with my father I was there to tell him I loved him. At least I got to say goodbye.

As Tara led me through the camp, introducing me to everyone, I barely listened. I was thinking about Maggie, only stopping when Tara showed me to someone I hadn’t already talked to. “That guy with the mullet? That’s Eugene. He’s completely useless.” I had to laugh at that. I wasn’t going to lie, he did look like a massive burden. The girl Rosita was messing with him, taking out her gun and waving it around, laughing as Eugene began to cry.

“Eugene, you’re like over 40. You’ve got to learn how to handle a gun.” When Eugene protested, she continued. “You lied about the cure, so why are we even helping you? Learn how to carry your own weight.” She stood up and threw the gun in Eugene’s lap. Eugene screamed and frantically tried to run away, leaving Rosita to roll her eyes and sigh deeply alone. She stalked over to Abraham, smiling at me as she passed.

“And this is Father Gabriel. He also hates weapons,” Tara said, approaching the last person from her group.

“I have no need for weapons. The Lord abhors violence. The word of God is the only protection I need,” the priest said.

“That’s nice,” I said, my voice a bit higher than usual. I was trying to hold in laughter. Once we were out of earshot, I said to Tara, “he useless, too?”

“Yeah, but he’s not as bad as Eugene. I’m not very religious. Most people these days aren’t, but I guess it’s nice to hear him trying to comfort us. He tells us God is with us and all that shit. It gets annoying sometimes, but I appreciate that he’s trying. It makes me feel better. But hell, that could easily just be me.”

Later, I was tending to Jasper’s wounds. Monty was by my side. Jasper was groaning and crying out in pain constantly. People around us were starting to get annoyed. Some of them wanted Jasper to just die. It really pissed me off. They didn’t even care.

“The Grounders cauterized the wound. Saved his life,” I said to Monty as I was cleaning Jasper’s wounds. I had never been so confused in my life. This was worse than math class.

“Saved his life so they could string him up for live bait,” Finn said grumpily as he entered the room. He was obviously pretty pissed too.

I made a few comments about Jasper’s infection and then I asked Monty, “Any progress on using the wristbands to contact the Ark?” Monty sighed and looked at his feet. “Monty!”

“That would be a firm no.”

I sighed sadly. “My mother would know what to do.”

“How’s he doing?” Wells crouched beside me.

“How does he look like he’s doing, Wells?” I snapped. Wells wasn’t helping.

“Hey, I’m just trying to help,” he said defensively. Well, guess what, dumbass? Talking while I’m trying to save a life isn’t exactly helping.

Jasper moaned in pain again and I realized what I had to do. “Right,” I said. “You wanna help? Hold him down.”

Wells and Finn grasped Jasper’s arms and legs, holding them firmly in place. I took out my knife and placed it in the fire.

“I’m not gonna like this, am I?” Monty said worriedly.

“Jasper’s going to like it a lot less than you are,” I told him. “I need to cut away the infected flesh.” I started to carve and Jasper let out a bloodcurdling scream before passing out from the pain.

“Stop, you’re killing him!” Octavia screeched, racing over to cradle his head in her arms. “She’s trying to save his life,” Finn told her.

“She can’t,” Murphy said from behind me. “He’s making people crazy. Might as well kill him now.”

“Sorry if Jasper’s an inconvenience to you, but we didn’t drag him through miles of woods just to let him die,” I snapped back. “This isn’t the Ark. Down here, every life matters.”

“Take a look at him,” said Murphy. “He’s a lost cause.”

Octavia wiped the sweat off Jasper’s forehead and a tear rolled down her cheeks. “Octavia, I’ve spent my whole life watching my mother heal people,” I said. “If I say there’s hope, there’s hope.”

“He’s been like this for three days,” said Murphy. “If he’s not better by tomorrow, I’ll kill him myself.” With that, he left the room.

“Power-hungry, self-serving jackass,” Monty grumbled. “He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.”

“Yeah,” Finn said. “Murphy is all that. But he also happens to be right.” I looked up at Finn in horror before rushing to heal Jasper. He had to live. He had to.

I was fumbling the red stuff that had been on Jasper’s wound. “You’re mad,” said Finn.

“I’m not mad. You want to think Jasper’s a lost cause, go ahead. You’re wrong,” Finn said something about hoping he was before I continued. “Whatever this stuff is, it had to have had antibiotic properties.”

Finn crouched next to me then looked over my shoulder. I turned around to see Wells. Great. Of all people it could be. “Let me take a look at those,” he said. “Before you refuse my help, remember who aced botany in Earth skills.” I sighed deeply.

“The Grounders used it as a poultice,” I said. “I’m thinking a tea might be even more effective if we can figure out what it is.”

“I know what it is,” Wells said. I looked at him hopefully. “It’s seaweed. Look, no root structure.”

“Right, well there must be a water source nearby.”

“Yeah, it would be a slow current, probably have a lot of rocks. The water might even be more red than green.”

Finn smiled. “I know just the place.”

I stood and walked away as fast as I could, hoping to leave Wells behind. “All right. Let’s go.”

“Hey!” Wells called after me. “I know what this stuff looks like! Do you?”

I sighed angrily. “Fine.”

“Hey, where are you going?” Carl asked us.

“We’re going out to get some medicine for Jasper,” I told him. “Why, you want to come with us?”

“Yeah, there’s not really much to do here,” Carl answered. “It’s starting to drive me crazy. Dad won’t let me do anything.”

“Yeah,” I said, “but I’ll have to ask Rick. Stay here, I’ll be back in a second.” With that, I trotted over to the dropship where Rick was sitting with Daryl, cooking a rabbit. “Hey.” I said. He muttered a greeting. “So I’m going out with Finn and Wells to get some medicine for Jasper, and I was wondering if Carl could come with us.”

Rick froze and glanced at Daryl, who returned his concerned gaze. “I don’t know if that’s the best idea, Clarke.”

“He’ll be fine. We’ll only be gone for a few hours at most.” Rick looked over my shoulder at his son, who was watching us talk from a distance. “I don’t know....”

“Rick,” Daryl interrupted. “I know you’re upset about what happened, but that doesn’t mean you can keep him cooped up in a camp for the rest of his life. Boy needs to be free. He’ll be ok.”

“Ok,” Rick said hesitantly. “He can go.” I turned and nodded at Carl, who smiled. “Clarke.” Rick sounded like Bellamy. He was using his commander voice. He handed me his gun. “You keep him safe.”

I nodded and the four of us headed out into the forest.

Chapter Text

We went silently. Sometimes Wells would try to talk to me, but I’d ignore him. He told me to stop hating him, but I didn’t care. I didn’t even realize that I was constantly looking over my shoulder to check on Carl until Finn said something.

“What are you doing?” Finn whispered, falling into step next to me. I grunted in confusion. “You keep looking at him like you’re worried about him.”

“He’s young.”

“We all are. He’s been surviving in this world much longer than us. He’s fine.” I would have thought so, too, but Finn doesn’t know what I know.

I immediately thought back to the other day, what Carl had told his dad about those people. I didn’t want to say anything that might embarrass him or turn Rick against us (since I kind of eavesdropped). “I don’t think he wanted to come with us because he was bored.”

Finn broke eye contact with me and looked ahead, studying Carl, who was chatting happily with Wells. He must not have noticed anything unusual because he looked back at me with confusion. “Why would you think that?”

I had noticed Carl had seemed a bit jumpy since we made it back to the dropship with Jasper. He looked tense, jumped when any noise was made too close to him. He didn’t talk to any of the teens, in fact, he only talked to about half of the people in his group anyway. I barely knew him, but I still knew that wasn’t him. When we were first encountering Rick’s group, he chatted happily with everyone. Now, he seemed to stay closest to Daryl, Michonne, and Rick. He still spends time with his other group members, just not nearly as much as those three.

“I don’t know why,” I said. “Just forget about it.” I turned my back on him and continued towards the river, completely aware of Finn’s eyes burning into the back of my head.

Bang

I whipped around to see Finn smiling. Carl had pulled out his gun and Wells was staring at Finn with an annoyed look on his face.

“What is it?” I asked, annoyed. Jasper’s life was at stake and Finn was goofing around again.

Finn just grinned and dropped to his knees. He brushed some dirt away, revealing an orange metal thing. I tilted my head to get a better look at it. I couldn’t figure out what it was, though. Finn yanked it up.

He laughed. “It’s an automobile!”

Carl rolled his eyes. “Automobile? Who says that?”

“Well, what do you call them, genius?”

“Cars.”

“Yeah, that’s way better.”

“Duh.”

I rolled my eyes and led the way to the river.

We stood on the rocks, looking out the the beautiful river. Carl was next to me and Wells and Finn were talking.

“Why do you hate Wells so much?” Carl asked me. I did a double take, surprised by the question. I stuttered a “What?”

Carl brushed the hair out of his eyes. “Wells. You always seem so angry at him. What did he do?”

I sighed and looked at the boy. “He got my father killed.”

Carl nodded and looked down. “‘M’ sorry,” he mumbled. I patted him on the shoulder and marched after Wells. “So what does this seaweed look like?” I demanded. He better know what he’s doing.

Wells turned to face me, almost looking offended. He shook his head and sighed, looking back into the river. He pointed at something red floating in the water. “Like that.”

I ignored the conversation beginning to take back between Finn and Wells and turned back to look at Carl. He was rubbing his eyes. I couldn’t tell if he had been crying or if he was just tired.

I turned back to see Finn stupidly trying to make a net. “... something to rig into the water…” he was saying. I angrily marched past him into the river, grabbing at the red plant.

“Or… we could just do that.” Carl smirked at him and walked in after me, but not getting as far before he had to swim because he was shorter than me. I was actually amazed. Nobody from the ark knew how to swim, so seeing someone do it was kind of cool.

We gathered a decent amount, and as we were stepping out, birds started screeching. A huge flock flew over us, screaming.

“Let’s get out of here,” Wells said. I nodded and Carl and I stuffed the seaweed into his bag. A horn sounded nearby and we desperately looked around, trying to locate the noise.

“Grounders?” I whispered.

“Could be a war cry,” Wells said, worried.

“Or a warning,” Finn finished, slinging his bag over his shoulder. He stared up at something and I followed his gaze. A huge cloud of dark yellow fog was coming closer to us.

“What the hell is that?”

It seeped closer and I started to panic. “Run.” I said. When nobody moved, I said it again. “Run!” We raced away through the trees.

Finn led us to the car from earlier and we dropped into it, the horn sounding out again. We closed the door desperately, stuffing rags into the cracks.

Later, Finn was checking to see if it was safe to go outside. “It’s still there.”

I was worried for my friend. “I say we make a run for it. Jasper can’t wait forever.”

“Us dying in a cloud of acid fog isn’t going to help Jasper. And do you really want to put him in danger?” Finn gestured to Carl, who was sleeping, his head leaning against the metal. His usually worried and tensed face was calm for once. I smiled a bit. He looked so peaceful

We were discussing Jasper three hours later. Carl was still sleeping. Every so often he would let out a soft cry. Nightmares. I wanted to wake him, but Wells told me to let him sleep. “God knows he needs it.”

“He’s got Octavia. He’s in good hands,” Finn was muttering.

“While we’re on the subject, why is it that everyone thinks me wanting Jasper not to die is a bad thing?” I said, sitting up. “Like I’m such a downer. I can be fun.” I smiled, patting my chest. “You think I’m fun, right?”

Finn rolled his eyes. “Yeah, he said sarcastically. “That among other things.” I sighed and grumbled a little bit.

“You’re fun,” Wells said. “You remember that time-”

“We remember that time you betrayed me and got my father executed?” I said, interrupting him. “Yeah, I remember.” He went silent and put his head down. I began to feel a bit guilty for what I had just said to him. But why? I was about to say more, but thought against it. I knew it could cause us to get loud, and I didn’t want to wake Carl up.

I soon drifted off into a sleep as well. I woke to sunlight seeping through the window. The fog was gone and it was morning now. We must have all slept through the night. I shook Finn awake and left him to get Carl and Wells up.

“So how sure are you that Wells was the one who turned your dad in?” Finn was asking me later.

“100%,” I told him. “All right? He’s the only one I told.”

“Is he the only one who knew?” Finn asked me. The question was like a cruel punch to the gut. In that moment, I had begun to question everything I thought I knew. I just looked at Finn, but was ripped from my thoughts as I heard a scream.

We followed the sound and came to see a few people. Bellamy was crouching over a burnt Atom, a look of despair over his perfect features. Atom had the same wounds Pascal and Trina had. Charlotte was standing a few feet away. Some more teens were behind Charlotte, but I didn’t know their names.

I sent Finn, Wells, and Carl back to camp.

Bellamy sent the rest away as well and looked down at his friend. I stepped over slowly, a twig snapping under my foot. Bellamy whipped around, probably thinking I was a Grounder. He calmed down when he saw it was me. I crouched next to Bellamy and held Atom’s hand.

“I heard screams.”

“Charlotte found him.”

I looked over Atom, seeing if there was any way I could save him. I was saddened to see that he was a lost cause. I shook my head and Bellamy nodded, tears forming in his eyes. He had just lost Pascal and now he was losing another or his friends. I remembered what he had said to me the last time.

“You don’t have to do this, Bellamy,” I told him softly.

He shook his head, and I could tell he was trying to be strong. He weeped for a minute but held his knife to me. “I can’t do it,” he said. I rubbed his back comfortingly and nodded. I held Atom’s head in place and slipped the knife through his neck, cutting off his pained gasps.

I stood to leave, but stopped, looking back. “Bellamy?”

“I just need a moment, Clarke. I’ll be back soon.” I nodded. “Stay safe out here.” I had to talk to Wells.

I got Octavia to brew the tea while I searched for my best friend. Bellamy told everyone to get me whatever I needed. Sweet of him.

“Wells?” he was digging a grave for Atom. I stepped over to him and hesitated before saying, “I know I probably don’t deserve it, but I need to know the truth.” He stared at me in confusion. “It was my mom, wasn’t it?” Wells didn’t say anything, but his face said everything I needed to hear. “She’s the one who told your dad. I didn’t want to believe it. I- I couldn’t. I blamed you because my father’s dead when it’s my mother’s fault.” He still didn’t say anything but I knew the truth. I let out a sob and embraced the friend I had spent years pushing away.

“I’m sorry.”

After I had finished tending to Jasper, I stepped outside to see Carl looking very upset in the far corner of the camp. I knew what was bothering him. And as much as I hated to bring it up, I had to help him.

“Carl, are you okay?” I asked the nervous boy. He looked up at me, confusion written all over his big blue eyes.

“What do you mean?”

I looked down at the ground, guilt eating me from the inside, threatening to spill out. “I, um…” Just say it, Clarke. “I overheard your conversation with your dad the other day.” Carl froze and I began to wonder if this was the best idea after all.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I should’ve minded my own business. I know that, and I don’t care if you hate me for the rest of my life, but I need to know. Are you ok?”

He nodded. “I’m fine.” He turned to walk away and I noticed a stray tear rolling down his tensed face, even though he tried so hard to conceal it. He wasn’t fine.

Carl’s POV (Flashback)

“Can you teach me how to use a snare?” I asked Daryl. I admired him. He was tough, strong, independent. When we had first met I hadn’t thought much of him, but after he stopped being a pain in the ass, I learned to love the man like he was part of my family. Hell, he was, even if we weren’t related through blood. I longed to be like him one day, hair included.

“That might have to be a job for your dad,” he chuckled back. I smiled. “He tried to teach me a bit after the prison, but them some walkers starting eating some random guy so we had to go.”

Daryl looked at me in disbelief before he laughed. “This world’s a bitch, huh, buddy?," he said, ruffling my hair. I was going to agree, but before I could say anything, I heard a twig snap behind us. We jumped to our feet and behind us was a man. He held up his hand to show he wasn’t a threat.

“Please don’t shoot. I need help,” he gasped. I looked over at Daryl, who nodded. I raised my gun. Daryl was smart. This guy was covered in blood, but I noticed there weren’t any wounds anywhere. This man wasn’t even remotely hurt.

“Oh you don’t want to do that.” another voice said from behind us. We turned to meet the owner of the voice, a dirty man. He had eyes so dark they were almost black. He was sunburnt, and he had black hair. He was very muscular, and he kind of looked like a demon. I wasn’t going to lie to myself, this man scared the hell out of me. More people came out of the trees and surrounded us. I turned in a slow circle. 6 in total. No way we could take on them all. I crossed my fingers and prayed that they weren’t the usual assholes we generally encountered.

Demon-Face’s eyes raked over mine. I shuddered and Daryl stepped in front of me protectively, shielding me from the hungry gaze of the man. “We don’t want any trouble,” Daryl told him.

“Neither do we,” the man said. “I’m Ajax. Not that that really matters, but it might be nice in some dumb, sentimental way.”

Daryl didn’t say anything for a long while. He looked back at me and nodded in a reassuring manner. He looked back at Ajax the demon and said, “What do you want?”

Ajax smiled. “Your stuff. All of it.” Daryl frowned. Our stuff was back with Maggie. At first I couldn’t think of why that was a bad thing. That means there wasn’t anything to take. I looked around at the men, and their faces when they looked at me made my skin crawl, and I began to have second thoughts.

He held up a squirrel that was just in the snare. “This is all we have.”

Ajax frowned and signaled to his men. I felt four hands grab at me. Despite myself, I let out a small yelp as I was yanked away from Daryl and pushed to the ground. Daryl tried to make a move to get the men off of me, but one of them held a knife to my throat and the other placed a gun to my temple.

Daryl looked at me desperately before turning back to Ajax. “Please don’t hurt him,” he pleaded. Ajax crossed his arms impatiently. “We won’t,” he said, “As long as you have something else for us.”

“We can give you our weapons, but that’s all we have other than the squirrel. Please, just leave him alone.”

Ajax looked like he was considering the offer. He nodded. “That’s fine.” He stepped forward and took Daryl’s crossbow, guns, and knives. The men holding me also took my weapons, but they didn’t let go.

“I’m sorry man,” Ajax said. “But this just isn’t going to cut it.” He nodded to his men. Two of them dragged Daryl to the ground while Ajax strutted over to me. He smiled and held my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze. He grinned wolfishly and leaned in, his tongue dragging from my neck to my forehead.

He turned away and gave Daryl a cruel smile. Daryl was struggling as hard as he could. He was so angry that he looked like he was on the verge of tears. Ajax stood and nodded to his men. One of them held me down while the other started undressing me. They ripped my jacket off, followed by my shirt. Ajax's pants were off now, eyes raking over my body in hunger as the men jerked my jeans down. At this moment, only one more thing was separating our bodies, and soon, that too would be gone.

“I can handle the rest,” he told them. “Make sure no roamers interrupt us.” The men nodded and let go of me. Ajax then pushed me to the ground and climbed on top of me, trying to get my hands above my head. After a moment of struggling, he finally succeeded and he dipped his hand down into my boxers, touching in places he shouldn’t. I sobbed and begged for him to stop. This whole time Daryl was screaming for him to stop and get away from me, but Ajax wasn’t stopping.

“You want more?” he snarled into my ear. I cried as he turned me onto my stomach. With one hand, he grasped the waistband of my boxers. Before he could tug them down, a gunshot ran out. He let go momentarily before grabbing me again and pulling me in front of him. One of his men had fallen to the ground, a bullet wounds through his head. Maggie stormed out of the woods, eyes filled with rage and guns blazing.

Three more gunshots. At this point, only Ajax and another were left. Daryl stabbed the other, leaving only Ajax. Ajax stood, pulling me up with him. He wrapped a strong arm around my neck, holding me in place. I felt a knife being pressed to my throat.

“Carl!” Maggie gasped. I was shivering uncontrollably while Daryl and Maggie pointed their guns at Ajax, but not shooting. Ajax was using me as a human shield.

“Please don’t hurt him,” Daryl pleaded. Ajax just snarled and began to walk backwards, dragging me with him. I struggled, but Ajax was much bigger and stronger than me. I didn’t stand a chance and I knew it, but that didn’t stop me.

Without warning, Ajax picked me up and ran deeper into the woods. I yelled and struggled, but he wasn’t budging. I heard shouts behind me and gunshots ran out, hitting nearby trees. One sped dangerously close by my foot, and then they slowed down. They didn’t want to hit me. Ajax ran and ran, the shouts fading behind us. He stopped to catch his breath, but his grip didn’t falter.

“Please let me go,” I said to him.

Ajax spit in the grass and growled at me. “Hell no, kid.” He started to run again, pace gradually picking up as he went. Eventually, he stopped. Ajax slammed me on the ground and climbed on top of me. I screamed, hoping, praying, that someone would hear. Ajax clamped his hand over my mouth and smiled. Both our pants were back by the snare. Only a thin layer of clothing was between me and him.

He gave me a wolfish grin and grabbed at my hair. “You’re mine,” he slurred, yanking my head back, exposing my neck. He began to lick and suck on it as I struggled and sobbed. I begged him to stop, but he didn’t. He roughly turned me onto my stomach and yanked my boxers down.

I screamed again, as loud as I could, but he still had his hand over my mouth, muffling the sound. I felt a pressure probing at my entrance. “You’re going to love this,” the disgusting man whispered in my ear. I was sobbing and screaming, but he just licked the back of my neck. He began to push in and I opened my mouth to scream again, but a gunshot rang out before much pain could come and he fell to my side. I scrambled away into Maggie’s arms.

She embraced me and tried to comfort me while I sobbed into her arms. Daryl looked at the ground, sorrow written all over his face. I knew he wanted to say something. I knew he wanted to help me, but comfort was never really Daryl’s thing. I just continued to cry for hours until I fell asleep.

When I woke up later, it was night. I was fully dressed again. Daryl was next to me. Maggie was sleeping a few feet away. Memories of just a few hours ago came flooding back and I fought to keep myself composed. There was a scarf around my neck. I pulled it down and noticed there were hickeys littered across the small parts of my neck and shoulder that I could actually see.

“Hey, bud,” Daryl said sadly. I looked up at him, not saying anything. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. Daryl let out a long sigh. “What happened back there… that wasn’t your fault. I think you ought to know that.” He was wrong. He and Maggie had brought everyone else down. I had just laid there, useless. I’m nothing but a burden.

“Yeah,” I told him, sitting up. “He didn’t do anything to me, though.”

“Yeah, he did.” Daryl was so quiet in that moment I almost thought I imagined his voice. “But you’re here and you’re alive. That’s what matters. You might feel like you’re alone, but you’re not. We’re here for you. And we always will be. He didn’t kill you. You’re alive. You’ll be ok.”

I nodded and went back to sleep, my dreams being haunted by that fat man from the road a little while ago, when I had been just as equally useless. This time, however, Ajax was there too. They both laughed as they held me down.

“You’re alive,” Daryl’s words echoed through my mind.

But sometimes just being alive isn’t enough. Sometimes, what doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead. And right now is definitely one of those times. I wanted nothing more than to be dead.

End of Flashback

“I know how you feel,” I said to Carl.

“What do you know about it?” he hissed. His emotions he had been bottling up for so long were finally bubbling over, and it wasn’t pretty.

“I’ve been through something, too,” I said quietly, looking down, trying my best to hide the tears threatening to leave my eyes.

“You mean your father?” he said. “I’m sorry you lost him, but get over it already! We’ve all lost somebody!”

“No, something else,” I told him. “Something worse.”

He leaned in close, a mix of horror and curiosity on his face. “What?”

Chapter Text

”What?”

I sucked in a sharp breath and exhaled slowly. “My father’s best friend, he…” Carl nodded to show he was listening. He didn’t press me to continue when I stopped, which I was grateful for. “I was 9. My parents were working and my father’s best friend Kyle was watching me. I liked him, he always felt like the uncle I never had.” I stopped and sat down next to Carl.

“He got drunk.”

“You had drinks on the Ark? From what I’ve heard, I didn’t think there'd be any of those,” Carl asked me. I let out a breathy laugh.

“Yeah, but there weren’t many. 500 bottles of whiskey to last us 300 years. Everyone was pretty light-weight, and to even get a cup you had to pull a lot of strings. How Kyle got an entire bottle, I’m not sure.”

“But anyway, he just kind of came over to me and hit me. I didn’t know what I had done wrong, but I didn’t have time to ask before he threw me on the couch. He climbed on top of me and starting touching me.” I shuddered. It pained me to bring up the memory I had spent the last 8 years trying to forget.

I could feel them. Hands running up and down my body, stopping in places they shouldn't be, the smell of whiskey almost choking me. I wiped away a tear and looked over at Carl, who’s face was engraved with sadness and understanding. Tears of his own were glistening at the edges of his eyes.

“He threatened me. Said if I ever told anyone he’d hurt me. He never went as far as he could, though. I’m happy for that. He never tried to go inside of me like that man tried with you, but it still sucked.”

“At the time, I was just confused. I was too young to know what was happening. What he was doing to me. He must have liked it, because he continued to do it for a few more weeks. Every day. He was careless, though, my mother caught him doing it one day. She screamed and beat him black and blue. I just cried in a corner.”

“What happened to him?” Carl’s voice was small and distant. I almost thought I had imagined the noise, pushed back as the horrible memories swamped over me. I pressed my thumb to my eye, wiping away a stray tear as I tried to reassure myself. He's not here anymore. He can't hurt you. It wasn't working, so when Carl repeated the question, I was thankful his voice had snapped me out of it. I knew I was close to having a panic attack right then and there.

“He was floated.”

“Floated?”

“Killed. Thrown into space, no suit or anything.”

“He deserved more.” The voice didn’t sound like Carl’s. I snapped my head up to see Bellamy. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have listened, but...” I cut him off with a chuckle.

“Don’t worry about it. I did the same to Rick and Carl.” Bellamy smiled down at me and my chest felt like it was glowing.

Bellamy looked at Carl and opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but decided against it and closed it, looking back down at the ground. He kicked at the leaves below him awkwardly and looked up again, opening and closing his mouth like an idiot. I let out a breathy laugh. “Let it out, man.”

Bellamy shot me a playful glare before turning to Carl again. “I heard most of Clarke’s story, but what happened to you?” Carl looked at the dirt and played with his finger nervously.

“Just an asshole or two on the road.”

“Or two?”

“This wasn’t the first time.” Bellamy let out a sharp exhale as I pretended to be shocked. I had already known this little fact since I had eavesdropped the other day. Oops..?

“Did either of them…?” Bellamy tried to ask but couldn’t finish the question.

“No.” Carl hadn’t broken eye contact with the ground. “But they tried.” Bellamy and I exchanged horrified and worried glances, but we didn't say anything. We didn't know what to say. I heard a discrete sniffle every now and then as Bellamy and I tried to figure out how to comfort him. I tried placing my arm around him in a sort of one-armed hug, but that only earned a flinch and a terrified gaze. I snapped my arm back as though Carl had burned it.

Bellamy reached out slowly and ruffled Carl’s hair. Carl looked up at him, confused. Bellamy crouched in front of the boy.

“I know you’re upset and obviously traumatised about what those good-for-nothing assholes did to you,” he said softly. “But you can’t dwell on it. It’ll only make it worse.” Carl slowly raised his eyes to meet Bellamy’s. Bellamy placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder, but he didn’t receive a flinch like I had earlier. “You’ll be ok. It’ll hurt for a while, but the sooner you accept it, the sooner it’ll go away.”

Carl nodded his head slightly and he turned to meet my eyes, I nodded reassuringly. “We’re going to build a wall. Keep the walkers out. You want to help?” Carl shrugged. Bellamy laughed. “What was that? You wanna help?” Carl rolled his eyes but smiled and said “Whatever.”

Bellamy laughed and stood up. “That’s the spirit!” He ruffled Carl’s hair again. I laughed as Carl grunted in protest and slapped Bellamy’s hand away. Bellamy led the boy away towards the tiny “wall.” As they were leaving, Carl turned and mouthed a “thank you” and then smiled at me. I smiled back.

Chapter Text

I wandered around the camp, bored. Bellamy had just sent out a hunting group, and I didn't have anything to do. Jasper was okay. Carl isn't really okay, but he's stubborn and I don't know what I'd say to him. I settled down against a tree and soon fell asleep.

I woke to the sounds of cheering. I looked at the sky. It was still early in the night. Daryl led his group into the clearing, and they were holding a deer. They had a few rabbits, too, but all eyes were on the deer. Everyone all through the camp was staring in disbelief. I stood and jogged over to stand next to Bellamy, who was staring dumbfounded at the deer. "How did you catch this?"

"Daryl's awesome, that's how," one of the teens said. It was then that I noticed an arrow sticking out of the deer's head. Perfectly in the middle.

Murphy giggled like a little girl from behind me. "Ok, let's get a fire going!" he said. Bellamy rolled his eyes and looked at me, amused.

"He thinks he's leader material." I glanced over and chuckled. Murphy was one of those second-in-commands who desperately wants to the main leader, but there's no way he'd be able to handle it.

"Should we help?" I asked him.

"Yeah, we probably should."

We left the camp, picking up logs and sticks along the way. Sometimes Bellamy would mess with me by throwing the occasional twig at me, getting it tangled in my hair. I'd give him an annoyed look before we both broke into laughter.

"Just make out already." I jumped almost 6 feet in the air and Bellamy pointed his gun up the small hill in the direction of the voice. It was Carl, holding way more wood than I thought he'd be able to.

"Dammit, Carl, you scared the shit out of me!" Bellamy scolded him, reholstering his gun. Carl smiled and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Daryl when he came from behind Carl. "I think we have enough wood. You ready to go back?" Carl nodded and said a small "goodbye" before turning and following his friend back to the dropship.

"We should probably be heading back, too," Bellamy said. "We have a lot of wood." I nodded in agreement and we also went back in the direction we had come.

Once we made it back, we added our sticks to the giant pile in the middle of the camp. Daryl smirked at Rick and Carl before quickly staring a fire. The flames roared to life, casting a dim orange light over the dark clearing. Everyone, including Rick's group, stared at Daryl in shock and admiration. This guy knows what he's doing.

Bellamy worked with Rick, Daryl, and Murphy to get the deer into the fire. Everyone stared hungrily as it slowly began to cook.

Later, when we finally got to eat, Bellamy handed me a large portion of deer. I grabbed at it greedy and shoved it into my mouth as fast as I could. Bellamy laughed. "Me." I stared in confusion for a second before realizing a little too late that he was making a joke. I chuckled and he gave me a look of utter disappointment. "Wow, Clarke." I shrugged and continued to eat. Bellamy smiled and went to get some deer for himself before plopping down next to me. We started talking until we had nothing else left to talk about.

I looked over to where Maggie and Monty were laughing about their names. They apparently both shared the same last name and they were fighting over which one was better. "Hey, Rick!" Maggie called. Rick looked up from his rabbit, which he was sharing with Finn. "Which Green(e) is better? My family, with an 'e,' or Monty's family with no awesome 'e?'"

"Monty."

"This is betrayal, Rick!"

Everyone laughed and Murphy looked around in disbelief. "Guys, it wasn't that funny."

"You're not that funny," grumbled Bellamy happily.

"Wow, what a roast," Sasha commented on the banter as she stepped into the clearing with more fire food. She threw it into the giant fire in the middle of camp. Sparks flew and the fire roared even louder, sending everyone into a cheer.

"Guys!" Glenn jumped to his feet happily. "We should have a sing-off!"

"That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard," Murphy said in disbelief. I huffed in his face.

"Come on, Murph, lighten up," I told him. He rolled his eyes and Glenn started singing, or screeching, some song I'd never heard.

"That was hot," Finn commented when he had finished. Glenn gave him a cheesy wink and sat down next to his wife.

"Come on, princess," Bellamy whispered in my ear, using Finn's annoying nickname for me. I slapped his shoulder lightly. I didn't want to sing. I only knew the chorus of some random song, and it's not like I could sing anyway. But people all around camp were chanting my name, and hey, if Bellamy wanted me to go up and sing, who was I to disappoint him? I stood and cleared my throat, belting out the song the best I could.

"It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you..."

"There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do..."

"I bless the rains down in Africa..."

"It's gonna take some time to do the things we never had..." I stopped there because that's all I could remember. People leaned forward as if they wanted me to continue but I just shrugged. "Sorry, that's all I know," I said, blushing, as I sat down next to Bellamy.

Rick stood and announced, "That was great Clarke, that used to be my favorite song before the world went to shit."

"What was the song?" I asked him.

"'Africa' by Toto." He answered with a smile. "Really great song. You know, I think I'm gonna finish it. Unlike you, I know all the lyrics."

"Don't," Daryl and Carl were pleading with Rick. "Please don't. Don't."

"What?" Bellamy let out a confused laugh.

Michonne's eyes widened. "have you heard Rick singing?"

He shook his head and Daryl said, "Trust me, you don't want to. He sounds like a dying donkey."

Rick kicked him in the stomach softly. "I do not," he said with that Southern accent of his, and with a smile, he continued the song where I had left off.

We all covered our ears.

Hours later, everyone was exhausted. Carl and Bellamy were already sleeping together, back to back. I smiled. Bellamy could be so harsh sometimes, but he really took a liking to Carl quickly. Then again, so had I. I think we both think of Carl as kind of a little brother.

I curled up next to Bellamy, accidentally waking him. He complained softly and I muttered an apology. "Bellamy," I whispered. He groaned sleepily and opened his eyes again. "What?"

"Do you know where Wells is?"

"I think he's keeping watch." I nodded. There was something I wanted to tell him, but my legs felt like they were made of steel. I watched as Charlotte got up and walked past me, looking worried. "Hey," I mumbled. "You ok?"

She jumped at the sound of my voice but nodded. "Yeah. I just need to pee."

I nodded. "Alright." My eyes followed her as she made her way across the clearing and into the forest where Wells was. I really wanted to talk to Wells, to my best friend, but I felt sleep beginning to take me over. I'd tell him in the morning.

Chapter Text

I was woken early in the morning by Bellamy standing up. I let out a small groan and he told me to shut up. Playfully, of course. I sat up and rubbed my eyes sleepily. As I stood to join everyone else, Tara came rushing in.

"Wells is dead!" she said, panicked. "They fucking killed him!"

Bellamy and I raced after her to find Wells sprawled on the ground, laying in a pool of his own blood. I squeezed my eyes shut. He was gone. My best friend was dead. I fell to his ground and cupped his head as I wailed and screamed bloody murder. In my grief, I didn't even notice Bellamy trying to comfort me, putting his hand on my back and muttering soothing words.

"My mother killed my father," I said later to Finn. "I just..." I stopped to inhale a deep breath as I tried to contain my emotions. The anger, the sorrow, the hate. My hate for my mother. "I just wish there was something I could do. To tell her I know. To make her feel what I'm-"

I stopped saying words and looked up at Finn abruptly. I started to walk away, an amazing idea in my head. He tried to stop me, but I shoved him to the side and continued to march away to find Monty.

"Clarke, where are you going?" he called after me.

"To make her feel it."

"Monty!" I yelled as I came into the room. Monty let out a small yelp and almost fell out of his chair. On any other day, I would have laughed and made fun of him, but I was not in the mood right now. "You need a wristband, right?"

He nodded, his breath still a bit fast. "Jesus, Clarke," he whispered. "What the hell?"

"Take mine," I said, holding out my arm. Monty looked up at me in shock and confusion.

"Clarke, are you ok?" he asked me.

"I'm fine, Monty," I snapped. "Now take the damn wristband."

Monty looked like he wanted to say more, but I glared at him and he decided that the best idea would be to not answer and to just take the wristband. He gave me a nervous smile as he cut it off, and I laughed as my wrist became free.

When I came back down, Finn was standing in an annoyed position with his arms crossed. "What?" I said to him. "Monty needed a working wristband."

"And you needed to punish your mother."

"Look," I said impatiently. "They're running out of air." Then I stopped. You know what? I didn't care for them. I wasn't trying to save them by giving Monty the wristband. Finn was right. I was trying to punish my mother, and I prayed to whatever god was listening that it worked. What I did was selfish, but I don't care. If anything, I'm happy for it. Then another thought came along. The Grounders. I guess we needed them. I sighed and looked down at the ground. "My mother thinking I'm dead is only temporary."

Monty said some stuff only smart people would understand. He smiled at me and I gave him a really awkward smile back before leaving the dropship to go find Bellamy. I saw him talking to Charlotte and my heart swelled a bit. I moved to go up to him, but he starting lifting some logs that looked pretty heavy, so I left him alone.

I looked towards the entrance and saw Octavia with Jasper. "Hey!" I called out. "You need some help?"

Octavia smiled at me. "No, it's ok!" she called back. I nodded but came over anyway. "At least take this with you, just in case." I handed her a knife Rick had given me a few days ago. She took it with a grateful nod and I turned to walk away.

It wasn't even 5 minutes before Octavia and Jasper came running back inside, falling over themselves to get to me. "Guys, are you ok?" I asked them. "Did anything happen with walkers or-"

"Jasper found this," Octavia said, cutting me off. She handed me something small. I looked down at the cold metal in my hand, turning it over. Shit. "Come on," I said. Jasper followed me while Octavia went to go find her brother.

"This knife was made of metal from the dropship," I announced to my friends.

"What does that mean?" Jasper asked me nervously.

"Who else knows about this?" Bellamy asked Octavia.

"No one," she responded. "We brought it straight to Clarke."

I didn't respond, as I was staring. My mouth was wide open and I was feeling a shit ton of emotions right now.

"Clarke?"

"It means the Grounders didn't kill Wells. It was one of us." I was swimming in emotions.

Fear. I was scared for everyone. If the killer was right here in this camp, who was to stop it from striking again?

Anger. Wells. Somebody here, somebody we trust, killed my best friend.

Determination. I would find who killed him and I will make them suffer.

"So there's a murderer in the camp?" Jasper said, his voice shaking slightly.

"There's more than one murderer in this camp," Bellamy told him, which raised the question. What exactly did Bellamy do to get arrested? I wanted to ask, but I pushed the thought down and continued to look over the knife. It was stained with Wells' blood, but I could still make out some distinct letters.

"This isn't news. We need to keep it quiet."

I ignored Bellamy and tried to march past him. He grabbed on to my shoulders and held me in place. "Get out of my way, Bellamy," I snarled at my friend.

"Be smart about this-" he tried to tell me, but I cut him off.

I held up the knife. "J.M. John Murphy. The people have a right to know." I shoved past him and left the tent.

I marched over to where Murphy was being an asshole to some guy. I shoved past and pushed Murphy as hard as I could. "You son of a bitch!" I yelled at him.

"Woah," he chuckled. "What's this about?"

"Recognize this?" I spat, holding up the knife.

"That's my knife," he said, grabbing at it. I pulled it back and out of his reach. "Where'd you find it?"

"Where you dropped it after you killed Wells." There. It was out now. Murphy was screwed.

"Where I did what?" He took a threatening step forward, but I didn't falter. "The Grounders killed Wells, not me."

"I know what you did," I snarled in his face. "And you're going to pay for it."

Murphy laughed in my face. "Really?" He looked past me at someone else. "Bellamy, you really believe this crap?" Bellamy didn't answer. I was glad to know that he was backing me up.

"You threatened to kill him, we all heard you!" I told him. "You hated Wells."

"Plenty of people hated Wells. His father was the Chancellor that locked us up!"

"But you're the only one who got in a knife fight with him!"

"Yeah, I didn't kill him then, either."

"You ran around antagonizing him! You did everything you could to make his life miserable!"

"Tried to kill Jasper, too," Octavia called out from behind me. I could hear Jasper make a shocked "what?" and I spared a glance to see him looking back and forth between Monty and Murphy, a horrified look plastered on his face.

Murphy let out a few short gasps. "Come on, this is ridiculous!" he said. "I don't have to answer to you. I don't have to answer to anyone!" Ok, now he was grasping at straws. He walked past me and acting like he was trying to leave.

"Come again?" Bellamy said. Murphy stopped in his tracks for a moment before picking up his pace. "Bellamy, look," he said quietly and desperately. "I'm telling you, man, I didn't do this." I scoffed. He was a good actor, I'll give him that.

"They found his fingers on the ground with your knife," Bellamy told him, shaking his head. "What more is there to say?"

I opened my mouth to address the teens, but someone else called out, "I say we float him!" Murmurs of agreement spread through and I could see Murphy starting to panic. I tried to object, but the teens ignored me and began to chant. "Float him! Float him!"

Murphy tried to escape, but the crowd closed in around him, still chanting. He reached out and grabbed at the first body he could get ahold of, and took his knife from my hand with one swift movement. i yelped as a cut was made and blood began to run down my arm. Before I could react, he had already held it up to somebody's throat. I looked up to see him holding tightly on to a terrified Carl.

"You touch me and he dies," he snarled. I could see Carl's breath picking up, his chest rising and falling quicker than it should. I looked over to see Maggie and Daryl exchanging both worried and glum looks. Something like this must have happened a few days ago with that disgusting man on the road.

"Let him go," Bellamy and Rick both said at the same time in the angriest voices I had ever heard in my life.

"Let me go and I will," Murphy told them with a smirk.

"You can go," I said. "We'll leave you alone."

Murphy rolled his eyes. "I don't believe you." He began to walk backwards, dragging Carl with him, but soon realized how stupid his plan was as he had half the camp behind him. Tyreese wrapped his arms around Murphy, shoving Carl away and holding onto Murphy at the same time. Carl fell into Daryl's arms, who helped him stand as an angry Rick marched up to Murphy.

Murphy struggled to break free and fell to the ground with a cry as he was kicked. The teens and about half of Rick's group yelled as they began to punch and kick at the murderer begging on the ground. If he hadn't threatened to kill Carl, I would have tried to stop them. Instead, I stood next to Carl and watched the assault, smiling ever so slightly as Daryl joined in.

More people surrounded him, blocking my view, but soon Daryl and Rick picked up up. He was tied up and gagged but still screaming and trying to break free. Charlotte watched a few feet away in horror while Carl just stared with a bored but angry look that kind of said "whatever." The men threw him down a hill and I just ignored them.

Let him suffer. I noticed a small but deep cut on Carl's neck. "Come on," I said. Carl looked up at me and I led him away to fix his wound.

"Are you ok?" I asked Carl. He nodded but didn't say anything. "I noticed that you were about to hyperventilate. Did that have anything to do with...?"

"Yes," Carl muttered, nodding his head.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Ok. I'm not going to force you, but I'm here if you need me."

Carl nodded gratefully and gave me a small "thanks." I was about to leave the tent when Bellamy, Charlotte, Finn, and Rick burst in. Charlotte was crying and Finn said, "It wasn't Murphy."

I looked over to Charlotte. "It was me," she wailed.

Rick ignored me and crossed the tent to get to his son. "You okay?" he asked him.

"I'm fine, Dad."

Rick nodded and he and Carl left the tent through the back in order to avoid Murphy, who was currently yelling for Charlotte to come out. Bellamy told Charlotte to stick with me and Finn and we left with her quietly as Bellamy went out to face Murphy.

"Charlotte!" I heard Murphy yelling. "Charlotte, I know you can hear me! And when I find you, you are going to pay!" We continued to run, and Charlotte tried to hold my hand. I snatched it away while Finn stared at me with shock.

"Just because we saved you doesn't mean you're forgiven. Got it?"

"Clarke," I heard Finn say. "She's just a kid."

"Well, so is Carl," I snapped. "He's even younger than her and he's already been through hell of a lot more than not being able to hold someone's hand!"

Finn didn't answer me. He knew I was right. That's when I snapped. I yelled at Charlotte. I spilled out all of my emotions. Then the question came. Why was I protecting my best friend's killer? Then I realized I was doing this for Bellamy. He wanted us to keep her safe, so that's what I was going to do.

I could hear Murphy's shouts getting louder, so I said, "come on" and turned to run, but I was stopped by Finn. He opened a hatch and shoved us in, closing it behind him. I turned on my flashlight and began to look around. There was old, dusty food and pictures of a family. The place looked like it had never been used.

"Finn," I breathed. "What is this place?"

"For now, it's home."

I lit candles as Finn put Charlotte to bed. I began to argue with Finn about sharing even though there wasn't much useful stuff in there. He handed me a bunch of colored pencils to get me to shut up, and it worked.

"What'd you find?" he asked me.

"Well," I said, plopping onto the couch next to him. "Looks like they never made it here." I held up a family picture.

"Guess the bombs took them by surprise." I nodded as Finn continued to speak. "All this preparation. What a waste."

"They couldn't have survived more than a few years down here anyway." I looked over to Charlotte's sleeping figure. "What are we going to do about her? If I hadn't confronted Murphy, none of this would have happened."

Finn tried to comfort me, but I wasn't having it. We finished our conversation as quickly as we could and I fell asleep soon after. When I woke back up, Charlotte was gone.

"Finn!" I said. "Wake up!" I slapped him across the face and he woke with a start, clutching his cheek. "She's gone."

We left the bunker and followed the faint sounds of shouting, running into a clearing next to a cliff. Bellamy was standing in front of Charlotte, shielding her from Murphy. "This has gone too far," I said, raising my hands in pleading as I moved to stand in front of Murphy. "Just calm down, we can talk about this." Murphy looked like he was going to cooperate as he locked eyes with Charlotte, but soon grabbed me and whipped me around, holding the knife to my throat and using me as insurance for his own protection, just like he had down hours ago with Carl.

"I am sick of listening to you talk," he hissed in my ear. "I will slit her throat!" he yelled as Finn tried to help me.

"No, please!" Charlotte pleading, taking everyone by surprise. "Please don't hurt her.

"Don't hurt her?" Murphy snorted. "Ok, I'll make you a deal. You come with me right now, I will let her go."

"Don't do it, Charlotte!" I yelled. As much as I tried to push it down, a tiny voice in my head was saying do it. She tried to step forward, screaming as Bellamy stopped her.

"Murphy, this is not happening," he told the angry teen. Murphy opened his mouth to say something, but Charlotte spoke first.

"I can't let any of you get hurt anymore. Not because of me. Not after what I did." She turned. And she jumped. She was gone.

Bellamy banned Murphy. He stayed behind and told Finn and I to go ahead. I was back at camp an hour later, standing with Bellamy and Carl when Monty called us over. The three of us made our way to the dropship where Monty had finished his communication thing. "Will we be able to talk to them?" I asked.

"No," Monty responded. "More like Morse code" he turned to Jasper. "You want to do the honors?" I smiled as Jasper took the wire and raised it to the port. He plugged it in, smiling, but then it cracked and fizzled and everyone who was wearing a wristband let out a pained gasp.

"What happened?" Carl asked him, voicing my thoughts and probably everyone else's as well.

"It didn't work," Monty said breathlessly. He squeezed his eyes shut and turned to me. "I think we fried all the wristbands." Finn sighed and marched away. I followed him and left everyone else behind.

"Finn, calm down!" I shouted.

"We're dead to them!" he shouted back. "Don't you get that?"

"There's still hope!"

"No, even you don't believe that! It's over, Clarke! They're going to die up there, are we're alone!"

"We're not alone!" I shouted louder than him. He shut up. I must have triggered something because he leaned in and kissed me. I shoved him back.

"What are you doing?" I yelled.

"I like you, Clarke," he said breathlessly. "I've liked you for a while." He kissed me again. i shoved him away again.

"I'm sorry, Finn," I told him and I turned to leave the bunker. "I just don't feel the same way."

I ignored him and left, but I could still feel his eyes burning into the back of my skull.

Chapter Text

I was sitting on a hill, looking at the stars with tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt terrible. I had no reason to be upset. But I was, and it was so wrong. I was sad that it had been Finn to confess his love and not Bellamy. God, I'm so selfish. With one hand, I pulled the blanket tighter and wiped my tears with the other.

I heard the crunch of leaves behind me and slowly turned my head, letting out an annoyed sigh when I saw Finn. "What do you want?"

He gave me an unreadable look and plopped down next to me. "Even though you so cruelly rejected me, I don't see any reason to hate each other."

I glared at him and he glared back. "We can still be friends, right?" he asked me. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine. But if you try anything, I'm never talking to you again." He flashed me a blinding smile, orange light reflecting off his teeth.

At first, I didn't notice anything unusual. Then I realized it's night and there is no orange light at night unless there's a fire. I flipped my feet and my body around to meet the soft glow and quickly discovered something was falling from the sky. "Is that a shooting star?" Finn whispered behind me. I continued to stare and it soon became clear that it was not a magical, romantic piece of rock falling from the sky.

"No."

I was frantically getting ready to go, talking to Finn about stuff.

"We have to go back to camp. Get Bellamy. Find whatever that was. It could medical supplies, there could be a radio," I said as I frantically grabbed my jacket and pulled it on, moving as quickly as I could.

"We could talk to the Ark?"

"No shit, Sherlock. That's why we need that radio," I climbed up the ladder, gasping as I inhaled the fresh forest air.

We ran for miles, panting and heaving when we finally burst through into camp. Everyone was awake, bustling around restlessly. Finn and I fought to push past packs of teens. I kept my eyes peeled for Bellamy but was distracted when Fox, Daryl, and Carl came up to me.

"Did you guys see that?" Fox asked us excitedly.

"What was that?" Daryl drawled as Carl looked up at me with big, curious but nervous eyes.

"Grab your stuff," I addressed them with a smile. "Let's find out."

"Bellamy said we were gonna wait til sunrise."

Oh, did he now? My eyes narrowed. This wasn't like Bellamy. I had a strange feeling he was up to something.

"Where is he?"

Daryl grunted in response while Fox and Carl shrugged. I gave them a sharp nod and ran away towards Bellamy's tent. I burst inside, trying to ignore the half-naked girls yelling at me. "Where is Bellamy?" I demanded.

"He ran off a while ago," the girl snapped, still glaring at me as she pulled the blanket up to further cover her chest. I turned to Finn. "His gear's gone. he told everyone to stay. Whatever's in that thing, he wants it. We have to find him, now."

I marched through the camp, grumbling. "I should have known." We stopped at the edge and I pulled out my gun, checking to make sure I had enough bullets. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, gripping it tightly. I only had a few, and it was unlikely there were more around camp. I decided to just suck it up and go. I was about to leave, but was stopped by Carl.

"Can I come?"

"No. It's dangerous."

"But there are walkers out there. It's harder to fight at night. And whatever that thing was, that you're after, it will have attracted the walkers."

"That is exactly why you need to stay back!"

"I have more experience than you. I've been out here for 5 years. Since I was 10. Can you say the same? I should come." His voice gradually grew louder as he became more unhinged and angry.

I opened my mouth to object, but the kid had a point. I didn't want him to come. I couldn't risk him getting hurt, but I needed the help. I breathed a sigh of relief when I was saved by Rick and Daryl.

"I should come." Carl repeated the words more quietly, not having realized the two had approached from behind.

"No," Rick said. Carl jumped when he heard the voice. Rick looked up from his annoyed son to me. "We'll come with you. You're staying behind," Rick said as he looked back down to his son.

"But, Dad-"

"But nothing. I can't risk you getting hurt."

Carl tried to protest again, but Rick muttered another "No." and marched back out of camp. Daryl followed, stopping for a second to flash Carl an apologetic look. "See you later, bud." I heard him whisper.

I turned to leave as well, Finn by my side. Just before I left, I looked back at Carl, who had a look on his face. I couldn't quite distinguish it, however. Mischief? Anger? Whatever it was, I had in a feeling in my gut that told me that the kid was up to something, most likely very stupid. He would probably follow us. I knew he would at least try.

I wanted desperately to go back and ensure his safety. Chain him up if I had to. But I couldn't. I didn't have the time. I had to find Bellamy before it was too late. I had to rely on Michonne and the rest to keep him in. So, I turned and trudged through the woods, still fretting about my decision. I cared for Carl. Loved him like a brother. If anything happened to him, it would be my fault for not making sure he was as safe as possible.

"Do you know where we're going?" Rick said as I joined the rest. I couldn't tell if he was talking to me or Finn. I was about to say "no," but then Daryl spoke instead.

"It landed somewhere in that direction." He pointed into the distance. "I can find it. Should be there in no time."

It took until dawn, but I suppose that was better than if it was just me and Finn.

There was a crowd of walkers gathered around the ship, clawing at the half-opened door. One or two were getting inside and Finn and I stood back as Daryl and Rick made quick work of the walkers. When the coast was clear, they stepped back with triumphant grins. I opened the broken door the rest of the way, jumping back when I saw a girl. She appeared very groggy, as if she had just woken up. She placed a shaky hand on her bleeding temple, groaning in pain.

"Hi!" I greeted her with a smile.

"I... I made it?" she mumbled. I nodded vigorously and she smiled, extending a leg to meet the earth for the first time. She stepped out and her eyes widened as she took in the world around her. Then her eyes landed on Finn and they grew even wider. She ran to meet him and as she put her arms up to meet his shoulders, I noticed a splotch of red. Blood. But from what? She continued to laugh and when she put her arm up to his forehead, Finn looked to the side, his eyes widening as he did.

"What happened to your arm?" Finn said, noticing the suspicious injury. "Raven, what the hell happened?" He held up her arm and rolled up her sleeve, examining it, dread and fear evident in his voice.

"Damn, those bastards bite hard, huh?"

Chapter Text

"Shit," Rick mumbled under his breath. I glanced over, trying not to hyperventilate as the panic set in. My hands were beginning to shake and my legs began struggling to hold my weight.

"What?" Raven said, looking around. She was still beaming, oblivious to what had just happened to her. Nobody spoke for a minute. It was only a minute, yet it felt like an eternity. Soon, her smile began to fade. "What?" she asked again, a hint of fear in her otherwise confident voice.

Rick was the one who spoke first. "Do you want to live?"

"What?" Raven spoke louder. "What the hell are you talking about? What's going on?"

"You got bit. Bites kill you. You're going to die," Rick said. He spoke calmly, as if this was the most obvious thing ever. Though, I suppose it was for him. But for Raven, she is completely ignorant about everything down here. Just like we were when we first arrived. "Do you want to live?"

"Yes, of course I do," Raven said quickly, backing into Finn's comforting embrace.

Rick reached down to his belt and took out his axe. He gave Raven a look of genuine sympathy. "I'm so sorry," he said. "Try not to scream. It'll just attract more of them." Daryl stepped forward and took hold of Raven's arm, pulling it forward.

"What? Stop! What are you doing? S-" the sentence morphed into a bloodcurdling scream as Rick brought his axe down. I flinched as I heard the sickening crunch of metal tearing its way through muscle and bone. Finn looked like he was about to be sick any second. His face turned different shades of green as he watched Raven's blood pouring out of her body and splashing on the ground.

The axe was raised again, then brought back down. Raven stopped screaming as she went limp. Finn's eyes flashed with fear. "Stop!" he yelled at Rick. "You're killing her!"

"This is her best chance," Rick grunted in response. "Do you want her to live or not?"

That shut Finn up and he turned his head away, refusing to watch as Raven's arm detached itself from her body. It fell into the pile of blood below it with a sickening splash. I stared at the awful sight in a sort of daze. Luckily, I came to my senses soon enough when Daryl ripped the bag from his back and threw it on the ground. He rooted through it frantically and pulled out a sheet.

"Why do you have that?" Finn asked as I helped Daryl wrap it around Raven's wound. It only took a few seconds before blood soaked through the sheet and started dripping onto the ground.

"Just in case this happens," Rick said.

"How often does this stuff happen? How many people survive?"

"Finn, shut up and help me carry her!" I yelled.

He rushed to my side to help me, but Daryl had already hoisted her limp body over his shoulder. He began to sprint back to camp and we followed close behind.

"Will we make it in time?" Finn panted.

"Let's hope so."

We marched into camp and laid Raven down on the ground in a tent, away from the crowd of curious teens.

Tara and Rosita immediately rushed to her side and together put pressure on the wound.

"I can help!" I said. "My mother is a doctor!"

They nodded and hopped to the side to make room for me. I took more blankets and wrapped them around the stump, tying them as tight as I possibly could.

When the bleeding finally slowed down, I turned to Tara and Rosita. "Keep pressure on the wound." They nodded and I didn't miss Tara subtly reaching for the knife. She was preparing for Raven's death. I prayed silently it wouldn't come to that.

With Raven losing her arm, I had forgotten about Bellamy. So when he marched into camp a few hours later soaking wet, all my anger came surging back. I stood up and crossed the camp in long strides. "What did you do?" I yelled at him. I raised my fists and hit him repeatedly in the chest. He stumbled back, likely from shock rather than my blows.

Once he composed himself, he started to shout back. "They won't come for us now! You should be thanking me! I saved us!"

"No, you saved yourself! You don't want the Ark coming down because of something you did!"

Bellamy glared down at me. "We don't need them. They would just bring their rules back down. If you think it's hard now, what if they came back?" he asked confidently.

"What about the Grounders? What about the walkers? Do you seriously think we can fight them all?" I continued to shout. Tears were now escaping my eyes and I raised my fists to hit him again.

"All you do it criticize me! I have been trying my hardest to make this place safe, to keep everyone safe here! And all you do is hate me for it. You and everyone else! Everyone here just bitches about everything no matter what I do to fix their problems! They're alive because of me! When have they ever acknowledged that?"

"The past few weeks, Bellamy! People here have showed you respect and even admiration, which I'm not so sure you deserve. Does that mean nothing to you?"

"It means everything to me!"

"Then start acting like it! Think about Carl. What if a herd of walkers came through and he didn't make it because the Ark wasn't here to protect us?"

"Carl has survived in this world longer then us. He knows what he's doing."

"But everyone else. They came down the same time we did. Half of them don't know what they're doing. What if something happened to them? You act strong but it would destroy you."

Bellamy took a step back. He knew I was right. Then something, some words escaped his mouth, words I thought I would never hear from him. "I'm sorry." They were small, barely audible, but they were still there. His eyes shone with trapped tears that threatened to fall. I only nodded.

"I threw the radio in the river. I'll show you where it is. There might still be time to fix it."

Chapter Text

I know I said that I hate when people abandon their works, but I guess that makes me a hypocrite. I’m really sorry. In the past, I had every intention to finish this, no matter how long it took. My life has been so fucking hard this past year and I tried to write this, I really did, but it just didn’t work out. I thought about this fic almost every day and I lost count on how many times I opened it and tried to work on it but I just couldn’t. I’m not even exaggerating when I say it would take me an hour and a half to write a paragraph before I deleted it due to it being actual shit.

I know I just started another work, but I’ve been really struggling lately and I’ve been talking about it more with my friends and my family. I always feel better when I do. So I’m taking that opportunity to basically talk about my life and my problems anonymously through fanfiction. I know it might sound ridiculous to some, but that work is helping me emotionally and this one just isn’t. If anything, I’d say it’s just stressing me out more and I really don’t need that right now.

I also don’t watch either of these shows anymore, I don’t even have Netflix anymore so I would have nothing to follow. I had so many ideas for this. Let me just say, it was gonna be a LONG ass story. Which I guess is another reason I couldn’t stick with this. After 13 chapters, I’d estimate I had barley finished the first 1/6 of it.

I want to say that I might come back to it one day but I’m like 98% sure that’s bs. But hey, you never know for sure.

It’s been so long that I don’t even know if anyone actually remembers this or cares anymore. But just in case, I’m going to tell you what I wanted to happen so that you guys could have some closure if you wanted it because I hate when I get invested in something and it’s never updated and I never see the end.

It was going to branch off a bit from the original story, but for the most part the more major events would be extremely similar if not the same.

Raven would have to get around with one arm and would die from an infection around the end. Since she would have died before she could explain how the bomb(?) worked to Jasper, he would have to work with Eugene to figure it out. They succeeded.

Clarke and Bellamy would basically adopt Carl as their little bro/son and their relationship would progress very slowly until they were officially the cutest couple ever. In an attempt to save Bellamy who was saving Carl from walkers, Clarke would have been bitten and partially lost 3 fingers, but she would have survived.

Finn would have been a salty mf after being rejected by Clarke. He eventually turned into a villain and worked with Murphy to bring Clarke and Bellamy down, but at the end had a change of heart and threw himself in front of a Grounder's spear so Bellamy could safely get inside the pod thing.

Octavia ran off with Lincoln halfway through.

Jasper and Monty are friend goals, Tara and Rosita would have died (not sure how tbh).

Carl would struggle with his PTSD from his attempted assault and Rick, Daryl, Clarke, and Bellamy would be his family who helped him get through it.

At the very end, the mountain men would show up, but they didn’t get the chance to take everyone since Rick and a few others managed to fight them off.

Everyone woke up and The 100 and TWD crews went their separate ways. It was gonna be really emotional y’all I’m kinda sad I didn’t get the chance to write it. I was excited for that scene since before I even wrote the first chapter.

Clarke was going to go find her mom and the rest of the Ark while Carl and TWD gang left to go find Noah’s family. They wanted to stay together, but Clarke couldn't ditch her mom and Carl couldn't ditch his dad. Carl gave Clarke and Bellamy his hat and they decided they would take turns wearing it for the rest of their lives.

I'm really sorry, please don't hate me :(