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Jungkook lay in his bed, entangled and enveloped by blue sheets and a sprawled blanket. Jungkook was still, staring at his closed curtains, watching as the sky outside slowly turned gray and the dull light of the moon evanescenced, growing into day. The boy could hear the few birds that chatted on the other side of the thick glass, waking early to flitter about. If only Jungkook could watch as they sang and played. His breaths were labored as his gaze bore into his dark curtains. He was wishing, wanting with all his heart, to see through them. Closing his eyes, he imagined himself outside, walking with the other kids that he would've gone to high school with. He wanted to feel the rain on his skin, or the snow burning his face with freeze.
Sighing quietly, Jungkook opens his eyes. Now shades of scarlet and orange filtered through the hanging fabric, painting Jungkook's white walls with warmth. Sunrise. Jungkook scolded himself for wanting to see it. Wishing and wanting never got him anywhere. He wondered why he even cared anymore. Jungkook's soft brown locks splayed against his forehead and pillow, caressing his face when the teen turned to read his alarm clock. In bright iridescent numbers it glowed 6:10 am. His mother would come and wake him soon. An hour or so. Jungkook carefully ran a hand over his face, leaving his arm to drape there, covering his eyes. He let the darkness close his eyes, settling for more sleep. But none came. Time passed. Jungkook had no clue how long he had been staring at the rising sun or when he had decided to push himself up onto his pillow. He didn't care. It didn't matter. He would have all day to sleep. The young man really hadn't gone anywhere for the past forever so he knew there would be no hurry or rush, just sleep and rest. He wasn't an idiot. He knew his condition was getting worse. His mother, nor the doctor knew the definition of secret. The conversations in the hall, outside his window, through the vents that led to his bedroom. Jungkook wished-
But he somehow knew his dream would never come true. It's strange, Jungkook thought, How people are always asking for a second chance. But all I want is my first.
Jungkook let out a breath and fell helpless to the vastness of sleep.
A strong hand rest on his back, pressed firmly but gently, as if to say I'm here. A low, sweet voice rippled in his ear. He couldn't make out the words... Suddenly the other hand came forward, nudging his chin up. He is looking at bird feeders and a stone bench outside his window. Running in the green grass all around was a little boy, caked in mud with a smile wide and happy acrossed his face. Jungkook immediately recognized the boy as his younger self, remembering the day he went to help his mom fill the bird feeders. The young Jungkook smiled at him. Jungkook couldn't help but wave back. The strong hand on his back shifted, moving to his shoulder.
" Hey..." The voice crooned.
Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows reaching towards the boy outside the window. He wanted to help. Wanted to be out there again...
Suddenly there was a wall. Jungkook was on his bed, watching as the boy pounded on his window, frowning. Something inside Jungkook ached in pain. His heart wrenched. The hand shifted once more and he felt the calming presence leave his side.
"No" He murmured through parted lips.
He reached, leaning to the window.
" I want to go outside..." Jungkook's voice was weak. He grabbed for the sill.
And fell. Butterflies tore his stomach, twisting and snapping apart violently. Jungkook let out a silent scream. His younger self watched from the window but Jungkook couldn't move-
Jungkook awoke with a start to his mothers careful shake.
"Kook, sweetheart." His mothers warm smile and farmiliarity helped calm his rapid heart beat.
"Eomma?" Jungkook sat up dizzily. He shot a glance to his alarm clock, confused as it only read 7 am. Looking around in a daze he noticed his mom had pulled back his curtains to reveal the glimmering sun outside and a blue cloudy sky. The yard was a bright green filled with bird feeders and a small stone bench.
Jungkook looked away.
"An old friend of yours is here. Well... We have a visitor."
Jungkook gapes. At 7 in the morning?
"What?"
"He worked as assistant counselor in the high school..."
Ms. Jeon just smiles at her son,
"Well I should've asked first but..."
Jungkook slowly blinks away the sleep.
"What?"
Jungkook really started to wake up then, stretching his back, which was tight from laying in the same position for awhile.
"Why didn't you ask me first?" Jungkook was slightly annoyed with having to meet someone this early.
"I don't need a counselor," He said.
"Well..." His mother's smile was pressed flat and she pursed her lips. She brushed her disheveled black hair over her shoulder and said, " I didn't think you did.
The young man just arrived on my door step, only just now."
"Oh."
Jungkook blinked, his deep brown eyes going wide.
"He seems nice. He just wants to meet you." She crinkled her eyes with a smile and patted Jungkook's head affectionately.
"But Eomma-"
" I really think you should do this. It'll be good for you to have a friend."
"I don't need a counselor," Jungkook was growing frustrated. He sat up straighter and softly groaned in pain.
Ms.Jeon looked her boy over worriedly before deciding he was alright and giving him a look. Jungkook quietly sighed.
"Itll be nice to see you have a friend."
Jungkook wished to make his mother happy. His mother looked so sad but Jungkook really didn't want to do this...
"Now?" He asked.
"Goodness, no!
Ms. Jeon scowled, but her features brightened.
"You need to get dressed, young boy." She smiled.
"Mom, I'm 17 " Jungkook smiles,defying his tone.
The smile faltered, but for a fraction of a second, as a familiar aching sensation began to sink into Jungkook's limbs. He was already tired again. Yet he let his mother shuffle to carefully pull him into the wheelchair propped up by the bed. Ms. Jeon went on to make Jungkook's mess of a bed. Gingerly tugging at the wrinkles in the fabric his mother discovered the rip that had happened somehow last night. She made a face at the tear. Jungkook made a face back, meeting her smile.
He awkwardly gripped the material of the sides and bottom of the chair. It was these times when Jungkook had to force a smile onto his face. And remember to forget.