Chapter Text
His mission for today was simple.
Enter the building.
Check.
Get past the security.
Done. (Luckily he didn't have to clean up the mess he left behind.)
Save the mutants.
In Progress...
-
„Hey kid, it's cool. I might not look like it but in this scenario I'm actually The Good Guy™. C'mon let's get you out of this hell hole.“, Wade tried to talk an approximately 13 year old boy into walking out of his cell. The small brunet eyed him warily and yeah admittedly that blood still dripping off the katanas strapped to his back wasn't exactly convincing. He looked way more like a psycho killer than those Hydra agents he'd filleted mere minutes before.
„I will get you cookies? Doritos? Whatever's your poison...“
Oh great, now he's probably sounding like a pedo giving off the stranger danger vibes. He should just grab the kid and drag him out of the building but the poor boy had probably already been forced through enough and he didn't know what those mad scientist had done to him. Maybe he could make him combust by direct contact. Wouldn't that be an amazing ability? Well only if you weren't facing someone with an awesome healing factor like himself.
„...can I have pudding?“, came the hesitant question from the other side of the white colored room. Honestly if Wade had to stare at those walls any longer he might go snowblind.
„That's old people food but alright, I'll get you a whole bowl.“, the mercanary agreed with a shrug and took a step back so he wouldn't block the doorway.
With the promised reward on mind the kid seemed to lose some of his caution. Wade noticed only then that the boy's eyes were completely black. Yet by the way he was walking without any aid and looking directly at him he doubted that the child was blind. It only made him look kinda creepy like a tiny demon.
„Are you a doctor? You look strange.“
Wade had to bite back a childish retort along the line of 'YOU look strange' because obviously he's the one with the superior fashion sense here. And fucking mature.
„Nah, I'm more of a problem solver. Are you judging my outfit choices, half-pint?“
„What's a half-pint?“
Geez that kid had more question than quizz duel.
„You'll find out once you've reached drinking age, which will hopefully be many years in the future.“
Guiding the little guy out of his cell Wade told him to close his eyes whenever they passed a mangled corpse. The poor boy would have to walk completely blind at this point so Wade ordered him to keep his eyes shut until they were outside and simply carried him on his back. The small mutant weighted hardly more than a sack of potatoes. They should really get him some high-calorie pudding. Triple chocolate with sprinkles and tiny marshmallows. Great now Wade was getting eager for pudding too.
Demon eyes clung to him like a koala to an eucalyptus tree with more strenght than Wade would have expected with someone with wet noodles for limbs. Super strength was such a lame power, completely overrated because most of the time it still didn't protect you from catching a bullet. At least the kid didn't have to worry about bullies pushing him around. If he pushed back they might turn into pancakes. And back to the food topic we are!
-
After the building was evacuated they gathered the kids in groups, randomly divided. They were supposed to get into minivans then transported Xavier's mutant school. Professor X would have to extend the mansion if all those children were supposed to live there. A few lucky ones might be able to be returned to their families but Wade knew from experience that most mutants had difficult family situations so staying away from them might be the better option after all.
Since his job here was done the mercanary started to stroll away without further notice. This had been charity work to collect some good karma, although it was a lot like a drop of rain to water the desert.
„Mr. Red!“, a high pitched voice called after him, making Wade momentarily halt in his tracks. Usually he wouldn't react to a silly name like this but as far as he's aware he's the only one around here wearing previously mentioned color.
Turning his head, his gaze landed on the little demon from before. Holy breadstick did that dwarf get attached to him over a promise of sweets? He knew he'd been too friendly, that's what you get for playing hero.
„Sorry kid, I ain't Bruce Wayne adopting orphans left and right.“
That comment earned him a confused look. Dammit was he mixing universes again?
„I- I just wanted to say thank you.“, the small brunet uttered quietly.
„Uh you're welcome.“, he replied lamely.
Gratitude wasn't something Wade was used to and his brain needed a moment to wrap around the fact that those words hadn't been sarcastic. Pretty sure you didn't learn that until you've unlocked level 15.
Watching the kid jog back to his group he wondered if their paths would cross again. Not that it mattered, just a thought that was quickly overshadowd by the constant chatting of the boxes.
-
3years later
-
„You know you still owe me a bowl of pudding.“
Not a greeting, just a statement was all the warning he got before a spandex clad figure dropped down in front of him. It took all of Wade's willpower not to screech in suprise. Quickly shaking of the almost heart attack he went back to his usual composed self and glanced at his netted opponent. Judging by the outfit he was some sort of self-claimed hero or...one of the bad guys, it was really hard to tell nowadays. With a spider on your chest tho you certainly didn't win the hearts of many people. Why not a butterfly instead? Not the most fear striking insect tho...
„Excuse you, I'm not sure we're talking the same language. Is this urban dictionary slang?“
„No...pudding means pudding.“, the what he assumed was a teen chuckled in return.
„That still doesn't explain anything, copycat.“
„Hey, I came up with the design myself! Also my red is like two shades lighter than yours. Don't try to change the subject here.“
„Listen bug boy, I got not time for chit chat, I'm a man on a mission.“
Guns drawn Deadpool pointed the muzzles towards the other's torso. He had a mark to un-alive and this newbie was getting between him and a shitload of money. He didn't actually intend to rain bullets on a wannabe but the guy didn't know that and Wade could look rather intimidating if he wanted to.
„Touchy~“, light Red remarked cheekily but lifted his hands in a surrendering gesture.
„Alright no need to get trigger happy, I'll be on my way...oh and it's Spider-Man!“
„We can talk about the man part once your voice is breaking.“
The last comment elected an offended noise from the spider boy who jumped off the roof facing backwards in a fluent motion. Fucking show-off. Although Wade had to admit it looked sexy the way he curved his back, body tension on point. Maybe the guy was secretly some sort of athlete, he definitely had the physique for it.
Getting his head back in the game Wade leaped down the building to land soundly on a narrow backstreet, his mark hopefully still close by not that he minded a good old game of cat and mouse. The hunt was the fun part of his job, followed by the unloading of ammunition into some dirtbag's body. He'd turn this guy into Swiss cheese and then get himself cheese nachos because it seemed like a fitting way to celebrate.
The cheesy daydreams were cut short at the sight of his target wiggling on the ground, wrapped up like an especially ugly present. Police sirens started wailing close by, nothing that usually concerned him but there's a...neon post-it note sticking on top of the web burrito telling Wade
'Do not kill. Police is on its way. Have a nice day!' with a little spider scribbled on the outer corner.
Un-be-liev-able! That sneaky little webhead had captured his target and there's no pleasure in killing prey that was already laid out in front of you. Nevertheless Wade gave the man a hard kick in the stomach for good measure. He felt a tiny bet better afterwards but still frustrated. The voices in his head screeched like banshees urging him to hunt down the spider instead. First Wade had to make an exit because as easy as it was for him to escape prison it was always so time consuming and usually left him with a limb missing.
„Don't move!“, he was ordered by a police officer who's aiming his gun at him.
Wade did what every insane person in his stead would do and started running. He had a bug problem to solve.