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It’s a habit, a vice, one Yoongi has had for at least ten years. He was thirteen the first time he tried a cigarette, inhaling the smoke so far into his lungs that he threw up. But there had been something addicting about the rush and adrenaline that had followed that first drag and Yoongi had never been able to shake it, despite the disappointment of his mother when the smell of smoke started to cling to his skin.
Ten years later and the effects of his long-time habit are obvious: the smell is permanently etched into his skin and his clothes, his sense of smell and taste are awful, he can’t run for extended periods of time, and his voice is gravellier than it should be for someone his age. Still, he can’t kick it.
He had tried once, about a year ago at Bobby’s insistence that they would send him to an early grave, but the withdrawals had been a nightmare for everyone involved. His temper was even worse than normal, his fingers were constantly twitching in search of a cigarette, and his stomach had been upset for the two whole days he had been able to quit.
So Yoongi doesn’t expect anything or anyone to be able to convince him to quit anytime soon, not even the bright-eyed boy that crashes into his life like Namjoon crashes into poles when he tries to walk and text at the same time.
-
It’s an inky September night and the breeze is welcome after a hot afternoon. Yoongi is standing outside his parlor, cigarette perched between his lips as he leans against the wall and swipes through the parlor’s Instagram feed. He’s uploading some of their newer work, the more tasteful ones at least. If Yoongi has to tattoo one more infinity sign on some girl’s wrist he might shoot himself.
He flicks the cigarette to rid it of some ash as the bar door across the street bangs open and two drunk college students fall out of the doorway. They’re giggling into each other as they try to straighten themselves, but it’s obvious that they’re extremely inebriated and barely able to stand upright.
Even across the street Yoongi can hear them, that’s how loud they’re being.
“Happy birthday Jeonggukie!” one of them crows, arm locked tight around the other’s neck and they teeter dangerously on the pavement, much to the amusement of the stragglers outside of the bar.
“We sho-should do something to c-celebrate!” the loud one continues, hiccupping and Yoongi snorts because how much more celebrating can they do but then, “Let’s get tattoos!”
Yoongi raises an eyebrow as he watches them drunkenly cross the street, falling all over each other as they try to stay upright. Before they’ve even reached his side of the street he’s decided that he’s going to turn them away, because they’re too drunk to be making this monumental of a decision.
“I’ve- I follow this place o-on Instagram,” Jeonggukie says as they near the shop, his eyes flicking over to Yoongi just as Yoongi drops his cigarette and snuffs it out with the heel of his boot. Yoongi can see a small crinkle of his nose before they noisily let themselves into his parlor. Yoongi takes a moment to enjoy the few moments of stillness before he has to deal with those two drunk idiots.
The noise hits him full in the face as he pulls the door open, Bobby trying to get them to quiet down so he can properly hear their request.
“Is there a problem here?” Yoongi asks coolly and the drunks turn on their heels simultaneously to face him, “You’re causing quite a raucous.”
“We hic want tattoos!” the loud one yells and Yoongi blinks at him, unappreciative of having him yell in his face.
“You do, do you? Maybe you should sleep that alcohol off and come back tomorrow when you’re sober,” Yoongi tells him, maneuvering around the drunk couple, assuming they’re a couple by the tight grip they have around each other, and stands behind the counter beside Bobby.
The loud one whines, “But Jeonggukie and I need to celebrate! He turned nineteen today, woohoo!”
Yoongi shakes his head, “Not gonna happen, not when you’re this drunk.”
Jeonggukie leans over the counter, staring Yoongi in the eye, “You smell like a cigarette.”
Yoongi quirks an eyebrow, shoving his hands in the pockets of his bomber jacket, “Okay?”
Jeonggukie wrinkles his nose, like he had outside when Yoongi had extinguished his cigarette, “Gross.”
Yoongi rolls his eyes as Bobby snickers, “Whatever kid, get out of my shop before I have to throw you out. We’re not serving you.”
The loud one looks like he’s about to argue, mouth opened exceedingly wide for someone with a small face, but they willingly stumble towards the door when Bobby comes around from the counter to usher them out.
“Remember children,” Yoongi calls out, causing Jeonggukie to look at him over his shoulder, “moderation is key. Don’t come back.”
-
Yoongi doesn’t smoke in his flat, because he refuses to subject Holly to second hand smoke. So, he’s taking to smoking at the base of his steps, near his parlor, ass cold as he sits on the lowest step. The parlor is closed for the day and Yoongi watches as a few people shuffle past him, almost zombishly for a Sunday and Yoongi shakes his head. University is less about people educating themselves and more about how many shots they can take in the shortest amount of time. He flicks the end of his cigarette to rid it of some ash as he exhales the smoke, right onto someone’s legs as they stop in front of him.
“Um, excuse me,” the voice says softly and Yoongi lazily raises his eyes to see the kid from the night before, Jeonggukie, standing in front of him, a small box in his hands.
Yoongi doesn’t say anything, just raises an eyebrow as he brings his cigarette back to his lips.
“Hi, I mean, hello,” he bows slightly, fringe falling in front of his eyes as his eyes dart nervously around, “I- you probably remember me from last night.”
“Yeah,” Yoongi says shortly, “I remember your boyfriend screaming in my face.”
The kid winces, clutching at the box in his hands a little tighter, “Y-Yeah, sorry about him. Taehyung is already a loud person and when he drinks he has absolutely no dial tone.”
Yoongi nods, uncaringly, “So what are you doing here? You look pretty good for a kid who looked like he was about to pass out across my counter.”
Jeonggukie purses his lips, “I look better than I feel, trust me. But, um, I came to apologize. We were really rude to you and that other guy last night.”
Yoongi snorts, snuffing out his cigarette on the brick wall beside himself as he stands up on creaky knees, “Don’t worry about it Jeonggukie. It’s not the first time a couple of drunks have bumbled into my shop."
His cheeks color as he bites at the corner of his mouth, “It’s just Jeongguk, actually. Taehyung is really affectionate when he’s drunk, he calls our friend Jimin “moonchild”.”
“Sounds like a real catch,” Yoongi’s mouth quirks, almost teasing, “Look, don’t worry about it, really, it’s not a big deal. Go home, sleep that hangover off.”
Yoongi turns on his heel, exhaling the last bit of smoke he was holding as a hand shoots to catch his elbow.
“I-! Um, I-I brought you something, as… a peace offering?” Jeongguk extends the box in his hand almost unsurely, as his other hand stays curled around Yoongi’s elbow resolutely.
Yoongi stares incredulously down at him, because standing on a few steps has made him taller than Jeongguk, “You brought me…?”
“Um,” Jeongguk’s face heats up as he shifts on his feet, “m-my cousin runs a bakery and so… it’s just a bunch of cookies he made extra of…”
Yoongi regards Jeongguk for a brief moment, taking in his fresh face and sparkling eyes as he glances shyly up at him. He’s wearing his high school varsity jacket, a pair of dark jeans, with timberlands to finish the outfit and he looks like he just stepped out of a made for preteen girl’s movie. But his expression is earnest, his grip unrelenting on Yoongi’s elbow, and the box unshakingly held out to him. He looks like a good kid, even if he does get drunk with his boyfriend and lets him yell in other people’s faces.
“Are they chocolate chip? I don’t fuck with any cookie that isn’t chocolate chip,” Yoongi says as he finally accepts the box from Jeongguk.
Jeongguk laughs, something higher pitched than Yoongi was expecting and his face scrunches up as lips curl to display his teeth. Yoongi blinks, heart beating rapidly at the sudden change from shy and unsure to carefree and melodic. It’s a weird little laugh that resonates around them as Jeongguk let’s go of Yoongi’s elbow to half way cover his mouth and Yoongi’s arm is cold.
To distract himself from the sight that is Jeongguk laughing, Yoongi opens the box to peer inside and is greeted with so many cookies he can already feel his teeth hurting in protest.
“There must be at least three dozen cookies in here, holy shit,” Yoongi says, shaking the box for emphasis, “Are you trying to put me in a sugar coma? What kind of apology is that?”
Jeongguk smiles as he scratches at the back of his neck, “Yeah, Seokjin went a little overboard, I will admit… but they’re good! I promise!”
Seokjin… Seokjin… the name sounds familiar to Yoongi but he can’t quite place where he’s heard it or who he’s heard it from.
“I hope I have enough milk for these,” Yoongi mutters as he starts ascending the stairs again.
When he doesn’t hear footsteps following him, he stops halfway to turn around and look down at Jeongguk who’s already staring back up at him.
“Well?” Yoongi says.
“Well what?” Jeongguk furrows his eyebrows.
“Are you coming to help me eat these or not?” Yoongi scoffs, before he continues climbing the steps, satisfied when he hears the soft clank of Jeongguk’s timberlands against the metal.
-
After their “cookie coma”, as Jeongguk starts calling it, he starts visiting Yoongi’s shop just to talk to the elder. Usually they talk about silly, meaningless things, like dumb shit Taehyung says or drama Jeongguk sees around campus or even something they’ve seen on the news. Yoongi normally sits behind the counter as he does financials or sketches or plays on his phone and Jeongguk normally leans across the counter, chin propped up on his hand, smiling down at Yoongi. Yoongi tries to ignore the fluttering feeling in his stomach, astonished that this brat can make him feel like that.
“I think I want to get a piercing hyung,” Jeongguk is saying, grasping at the counter and leaning on his tiptoes so he can try and catch a glimpse of Yoongi’s screen.
“Mmm,” Yoongi says distractedly, preoccupied with trying to figure out the puzzle he’s currently stuck on.
“Yeah, I’ve been wanting a new one for a while and I think I’ve decided on which one I want,” Jeongguk says.
“That’s nice,” Yoongi mumbles, flipping a couple aqueducts and getting annoyed that that’s the wrong move.
“Aren’t you going to ask what I want to get pierced?” Jeongguk asks, mirth dancing in his eyes even though Yoongi can’t see it.
“Hm? Oh sure, what?”
“My dick.”
“Your- wait, what?” Yoongi finally looks up to see Jeongguk laughing at him and Yoongi is reminded of the first time he saw Jeongguk laugh, standing at the base of Yoongi’s steps and looking so happy. Jeongguk looks like that now, eyes crinkled and teeth on display as he laughs at Yoongi’s confusion.
“That’s what you get for not paying attention,” Jeongguk sobers, smiling down at Yoongi softly, “But I want to get my helix pierced.”
“Oh. Oh,” Yoongi licks his lips and Jeongguk shakes his head.
“Will you do it for me hyung?” Jeongguk asks, posed like he’s ready to pull out his biggest weapon, his puppy dog eyes.
But Jeongguk doesn’t need to beg, because Yoongi shrugs and says, “Sure. Let me go get my station ready.”
“Really? That was easier than I thought… you should get a new piercing too!”
Yoongi snorts as he walks to his little room, bypassing Bobby whose finishing up a woman’s pretty badass looking sleeve, “Why?”
“I dunno, it’d look cool. You should get a lip piercing, it’d go with your whole “rebel” image.”
“I scare children enough as is, no thanks,” Yoongi tells him, patting his chair, “Sit down.”
Jeongguk makes himself comfortable, folding his hands between his knees as Yoongi rolls gloves on and cleans a needle.
“Which ear?” he asks, pulling up a stool on Jeongguk’s left side when he tells Yoongi that ear, “Okay, here’s the antiseptic wipe.”
Jeongguk winces a little when the cool gel meets his skin, and Yoongi watches as his thighs flex when he squeezes his knees. Yoongi swallows the saliva pooling in his mouth before he quickly dots where he wants to pierce, stepping back a moment to survey if it looks okay there.
Jeongguk smiles slightly at him, just a little quirk of the corner of his lips, nibbling on his bottom lip slightly because even if he’s pierced his ears before Yoongi can see how nervous he is. But he looks so trusting, staring up at Yoongi like that as he keeps his hands trapped between his knees to keep them preoccupied.
“Not even going to ask me if it looks okay to me, hyung?” Jeongguk teases and Yoongi pinches just underneath his ear as he settles back into his stool.
“Nope.”
Jeongguk lets out a bark of laughter, stilling when he feels Yoongi lean his head back against the chair.
“Hold still. Take a deep breath in for me and on the count of three, exhale. One… two… three.”
Jeongguk does as he’s told and Yoongi punctures his ear on the exhale. Jeongguk gives a small jerk of his head, but it’s a reflex that can’t be helped.
“I’m going to give it a second to sit and then I’m going to put it out and put a ring in, okay?”
Jeongguk gives a minute nod of his head and Yoongi waits two heartbeats, before he pulls the needle out of Jeongguk’s ear and quickly slips a ring through.
“I have to tighten it, so it might pinch a bit, alright?”
Jeongguk is a trooper and doesn’t give Yoongi any grief as he tightens the ring, wiping away some blood that had dripped down when he removed the needle.
“You did good,” Yoongi smiles, continuing to wipe some blood away, “I’ll change it for you in a few months and then after that you’ll be good to do it on your own.”
Jeongguk looks at it in the small, handheld mirror Yoongi gives him and smiles, before saying to Yoongi in an accusing tone, “You just assumed I wanted a ring.”
Yoongi rolls his eyes and flicks Jeongguk’s lobe, Jeongguk letting out a small “ow” even though Yoongi is sure it was more for dramatics than actual pain, “Shut up. You wear studs all the time, I figured you could freshen up with a ring."
“Shouldn’t that be a decision I should make? With my piercing?” Jeongguk laughs, “That’s not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair kid.”
Jeongguk pouts, “Hyung, don’t be mean to me.”
Yoongi clucks his tongue, pinching Jeongguk’s nose and making him go cross eyed to look at Yoongi’s fingers, “Stop pouting like that, you look ridiculous.”
“You owe me hyung,” Jeongguk says, voice slightly nasally from where Yoongi still has his nose gripped between his fingers.
“I don’t owe you shit.”
“Let me pick your piercing,” Jeongguk continues, talking over Yoongi.
“Who said I was getting a piercing?” Yoongi raises an eyebrow and Jeongguk makes an affronted sound from beneath him.
“You said you’d get one!”
“I did not!” Yoongi argues, letting go of Jeongguk’s nose so he can throw away the bloodied tissues and remove his gloves.
“Hyung get a new piercing with me!” Jeongguk whines and Yoongi huffs, crossing his arms as he leans against the sink counter.
They have a small stare down, Jeongguk’s cheeks flushing a little as they hold eye contact for so long. Yoongi is sure he’s going to win, watching Jeongguk’s gaze begin to falter, but then Yoongi watches Jeongguk’s tongue dart out to wet his lips and Yoongi can’t stop himself from looking away, trying to hide the heat in his cheeks.
Jeongguk makes a triumphant sound, “Ha! I win!”
Yoongi lets out a suffering sigh as Jeongguk bounds of his chair, giddy as he leaves Yoongi’s room to find Bobby.
Twenty minutes later, Yoongi finds himself with a tongue piercing and a curiously shy Jeongguk. It’s kind of cute to see Jeongguk shuffle his feet, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans as he looks at anywhere that’s not Yoongi with his tongue stuck out observing his new piercing.
“I guess this means you’ll have to cut back on your smoking a bit, huh hyung?” Jeongguk does say before he smiles cheekily, face still a little flushed before he gives Yoongi a small wave and leaves.
“Sneaky brat,” Yoongi sniffs, but checks his tongue out again with the mirror in his hand. The piercing is kind of hot, if he does say so himself.
-
Jeongguk had texted him, telling him that he was going to stop by for a bit, and Yoongi finds himself tidying up his flat. Holly is stretched out on the couch on his favorite blanket, lazily chewing on a squeaky toy and Yoongi stops for a moment, wondering what he’s doing, why he’s cleaning up for Jeongguk. He wonders why he’s bothered about the opinion of some brat, some brat with a great smile and a kind deposition who has the ability to turn Yoongi’s insides into molten lava with just one look. Yoongi can’t believe he’s developed a crush on someone four years younger than him, someone practically still a kid, and a taken kid at that.
Whenever Yoongi thinks about the chemistry between him and Jeongguk, he has to stop and remind himself that Jeongguk is dating Taehyung. He makes himself think about how cuddly and snug the two were in his shop on Jeongguk’s birthday, arms wrapped tightly around each other as they asked for tattoos, probably couple tattoos. He makes himself think about how the two are probably high school sweet hearts. Yoongi sighs as he drops onto his couch, jostling Holly a little, and stares sulkily down at the floor. Yoongi hasn’t had a romantic interest in someone in years and now he finds that he’s got a crush on an insufferable brat who likes to invade his flat and drink all his milk and steal Holly’s attention and he can’t even do anything about it because the brats already in love.
So Yoongi finds himself standing just outside his parlor, hands cupping his mouth as he lights up his first cigarette of the day. He can instantly feel his nerves smoothing out as his lungs fill with smoke and ignores the slight pain in his tongue. It’s worth it, worth the ease, even when his heart seizes when he sees Jeongguk walking down the sidewalk.
“Hyung,” Jeongguk says happily, one hand curled around the strap of his backpack and the other shoved in his jacket. October days might still be warm, but the nights are cold.
Yoongi nods at him and Jeongguk comes to stand a few feet away from him. Yoongi, in his lack of judgement, lets the smoke linger near him instead of blowing it away from them so Jeongguk has to stay back.
“Should you really be-”
“One cigarette isn’t going to kill me,” Yoongi says gruffly, turning his eyes towards the pinkening sky.
Jeongguk purses his lips, like he wants to argue with Yoongi that they will in fact kill him, but Yoongi cuts through first.
“What are you doing here?” Yoongi can feel the dull ache in his chest and the goosebumps on his arms and wishes he had brought a jacket down. It wouldn’t soothe his chest, but at least he wouldn’t be cold and miserable, just miserable.
Jeongguk furrows his eyebrows, tightening his hold on his backpack, “I… I told you I was gonna stop by.”
Yoongi shakes his head, taking another drag and letting the smoke curl in his lungs before exhaling it slowly, “I know that, but why? What are you trying to get out of this, kid?”
Jeongguk bites his lips, looking confused and frustrated, “I don’t understand hyung, what are you asking me? I thought we were friends, why wouldn’t I come hang out with you?”
The corner of Yoongi’s lip curls in an ugly manner and can’t stop himself from saying, “Who said we were friends?”
Jeongguk takes a step back, like Yoongi’s words have literally hit him, “Yoongi hyung what are you saying?”
“What does it sound like?” Yoongi’s words are distorted and rude, voice gruff from years of his vice, “Go home kid, go back to your boyfriend. Don’t come back.”
Jeongguk looks at him, eyes shining in the light hanging above the shop and Yoongi turns away from him as he flicks his still lit cigarette. It tastes like lies and deceit and Yoongi can’t stand it, can’t stand the upset look Jeongguk’s eyes hold as he looks at Yoongi like he’s betrayed him. Which in a way, Yoongi has.
Jeongguk doesn’t say anything as Yoongi walks back up to his flat. The door closes softly behind him, but Yoongi feels the deafening silence in his flat like a bullet to his brain.
-
The next time Yoongi sees Jeongguk, Yoongi’s standing a few feet away from a popular café, Kim’s Kafé in the heart of the city, chewing furiously on a piece of gum. His fingers are twitchy and he can’t stop shifting his weight from one foot to the other, eyes darting around in an unfocused manner. He’s talking to Suran, a good friend of his and Namjoon’s, or at least he’s trying to but he can’t concentrate on the conversation. Suran notices and sighs.
“How long has it been?” she asks and Yoongi’s eyes snap to her as he crosses his arms and uncrosses them again.
“Two weeks,” Yoongi tells her, blowing a bubble and loudly snapping it. It draws the attention of a middle-aged woman who glares at him and Yoongi glares right back.
“You’re doing good Yoongs,” she says, voice fond and Yoongi’s ears turn pink at the nickname, “I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks,” Yoongi says but he doesn’t mean it. It doesn’t feel good; he doesn’t feel good. He feels like a fraud.
The bell above the door of the café jingles and catches his attention so he turns towards it and immediately wishes he hadn’t. Jeongguk steps out of the café, wearing a slightly oversized sweater that covers both his hands, Taehyung’s arm looped through his. They’re smiling at each other, the straw of Jeongguk’s drink trapped between his lips as he sucks at some sweet, chocolately looking drink. Yoongi feels like his chest is caved in, like his lungs are deflating, and all he wants is a cigarette. His fingers instinctively reach inside his bomber jacket pocket, but all that’s inside is his packet of gum, so he unwraps a piece and pops another one in.
Jeongguk looks up then and Yoongi feels dizzy when they make eye contact, all happiness draining from Jeongguk’s eyes as he looks at Yoongi. The way the couple is walking, they’re going to have to walk right by him and Suran and Yoongi doesn’t think he’s taken a breath since Jeongguk stepped out of the café. Taehyung is still talking animatedly, despite Jeongguk’s gaze being focused somewhere else.
“Yoongi?”
Yoongi turns violently towards Suran, who looks incredibly worried about him.
“Yoongi you look so pale, are you okay? Is this a withdrawal symptom?” she asks, placing a hand on his shoulder as she steps closer to him.
Yoongi has never been one to seek comfort from another, but he needs something to ground him right now, something to hold onto, so he grabs at the hand Suran has on his shoulder as his breathing quickens.
“I-I think so,” he lies to her, because it’s a withdrawal symptom; not a nicotine withdrawal, but a Jeongguk withdrawal, “Can we wait for Namjoon inside? God, I really want a cigarette.”
Yoongi doesn’t give Suran time to answer, just pulls her into the café and to the nearest table. His heart feels like it’s beating a thousand miles an hour and he doesn’t know how to get it to calm down. He furiously drums his fingers against the table as Suran watches him, chin placed in her hand as she tries to talk to him but to no avail.
When Namjoon does finally show up, Yoongi has five pieces of gum in his mouth and even those don’t feel enough.
“Dude are you okay?” Namjoon asks, concern etched in the lines his furrowed eyebrows have made, “You look like shit.”
“I think he’s having serious withdrawals,” Suran says, “I’m gonna order him a tea to try and calm him down.”
“No, it’s okay, I got it,” Namjoon waves her back down, “Stay here and talk to him, I’ll be right back.”
“This is awful, I feel-” Yoongi stops because he doesn’t know how to describe how he feels, he just knows it feels awful and he wants nothing more than for it to go away. He feels like a cigarette would solve all of his problems, but even thinking about putting one between his lips has his stomach swooping dangerously.
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
Suran’s eyes widen and she looks around frantically for a trashcan or a bathroom, but Yoongi shakes his head, “I won’t, it’s okay, that’s just the feeling I have. Like I’m going to be sick and it’s never going to stop.”
“This is horrible Yoongi, I’m so sorry you have to go through this,” Suran tells him and he can hear the sincerity in his voice.
“I appreciate the sentiment noona, but I did this to myself. Have to lie in the bed I make and all that,” Yoongi waves his hand.
Yoongi remembers the first week he had stopped smoking, the irritation that had laced itself just under the surface of his skin. He hadn’t been able to work the entire week because he had been so snappy, tone scathing and Bobby his main abuser. He had given Holly to Suran to look after he was that unstable, pacing the length of his flat apartment until it had driven him insane and then wandering the streets at night for hours on end until he exhausted himself.
The first day hadn’t been the hardest; it had been the mindless, unconscious times that were the worst. Yoongi didn’t realize how many cigarettes he actually smoked until he couldn’t, getting up from his bed to stand at his door with his shoes halfway on only to realize there wasn’t a reason for him to go outside. The nausea had been his worst symptom, the constant feeling that he was going to throw up only to never actually do it. He could handle the twitch in his fingers, because he could easily find something to occupy them with, but nothing could settle his stomach.
The gum had been Namjoon’s idea, who told him it was easier to pick up a new habit in lieu of another instead of trying to outright quit one. The gum filled in those unconscious moments, when Yoongi was searching for something. It’s been hard, but Yoongi’s adamant on quitting this time. Every time he even looks at a cigarette all he can see is sad, down turn eyes and the taste in his mouth when he said, “Don’t come back.” Yoongi has never regretted anything more.
“Here, Seokjin said this should help calm you down.”
Namjoon places a steaming cup in front of him and Yoongi grabs onto it only to feel the warmth in his hands. As Yoongi stares at the plastic lid of his cup, he remembers something.
“Seokjin?” he asks Namjoon, who hands Suran her own cup of tea.
“Yeah, Seokjin, the owner of this café,” Namjoon motions to a man behind the counter, an apron tied around his waist and a smile engraved in his face, “I’m sure you’ve met him with as much caffeine as you drink."
“Probably,” Yoongi says, spitting his giant wad of gum out into a napkin so he can take a tentative sip of his tea.
Yoongi side eyes Seokjin, but doesn’t say anything else. They’re probably not the same person. That would be too coincidental for Yoongi and he’s never been a believer in fate. But he also never thought he would ever let someone convince him to quit smoking and yet here he is, two weeks in and suffering.
-
Jeongguk had been applying tattoo cream to Yoongi’s back, on the latest piece Yoongi had gotten done. It wasn’t anything special, but Yoongi didn’t want it to scar over all the same.
He had been staring down at the floor as Jeongguk rubbed at his back when he heard Jeongguk sniff and then hmph lightly. Yoongi could easily imagine the small, displeased wrinkle of Jeongguk’s nose.
“What?” he had asked, smiling slightly.
“You stink,” Jeongguk had supplied and Yoongi had felt a coolness against his skin meaning Jeongguk had started waving his had to get the cream to cool.
“Thanks,” Yoongi had said dryly, moving away from Jeongguk to pull his shirt back down, “Glad to hear it.”
Jeongguk’s nose had still been crinkled and Yoongi only ever saw him do that when he could smell the cigarette smoke that clung to Yoongi like a second skin.
“It’s true, you smell like a walking ashtray,” Jeongguk had grumbled, putting the cap back on the tube of creaming and handing it to Yoongi.
Yoongi had grabbed at it silently, but Jeongguk didn’t let go of the tube; instead, he stared up at Yoongi, a hard expression on his face.
“What?” Yoongi had sighed agitatedly, different from his “what” before.
“I just… don’t understand why you don’t quit hyung. It’s not healthy.”
“I know, Jeongguk,” Yoongi said tiredly, “Anything I say isn’t going to make you understand, so just leave it alone.”
Jeongguk was quiet for a moment, surprisingly serious as he continued to stare at Yoongi. Yoongi almost felt unnerved, but he didn’t let Jeongguk see that.
“I just don’t want to see you suffer, hyung,” Jeongguk had said softly, voice lilting as if it hurt him to think about Yoongi being hurt.
Yoongi had smiled at Jeongguk, letting go of the tube still in Jeongguk’s hand to brush his bangs back. It had been incredibly intimate, and Jeongguk had leaned into his touch like it had been comforting.
“You’re a good kid Jeongguk, I don’t know why you hang around a punk like me-”
Jeongguk had grumbled, “I’m not a kid and you’re not a punk.”
“- but don’t worry about me, I can take care of myself. How much longer are you staying, do you want me to make ramen or order take out or something?”
Jeongguk had let the issue go, and they had ordered Chinese and joked over their food containers like normal, but Jeongguk’s worry had settled a heavy stone in Yoongi’s chest.
-
When Yoongi thinks back on it, watching the two drunk college kids stumble across the street towards his parlor and then seeing Jeongguk’s nose crinkle as Yoongi smoked a cigarette had been the beginning of the end to his habit.
He and Jeongguk had been friends for approximately three months until Yoongi had come to his senses and realized that nothing good would come of their friendship, not when Yoongi was pining after him. If Jeongguk had been single, maybe things would have been different; they might have had a brief, but satisfying relationship that wouldn’t have left Yoongi hurting as much as he currently is.
But the world is cruel and so Yoongi is left to deal with the after math of one of the worst things he’s ever had to deal with, breaking the deep trust he knows he and Jeongguk had formed. After eating so much take out and drinking so much beer together they were bound to tell each other things and Yoongi had learned a lot about Jeongguk in the few months they had hung out.
Jeongguk’s dad was very strict when it came to Jeongguk’s studies, discouraging Jeongguk from majoring in something he actually liked, like dance, so he could major in business which Jeongguk had no interest in. Jeongguk had told him stories of a lonely childhood and absent parents and friends who had let him because he was a painfully shy kid. Yoongi’s heart had ached for him.
Then Yoongi turned around and did the same thing, had looked Jeongguk in the eyes and told him they were never friends, had implied that the nights they spent annoying the ahjumma that owns the barbeque place just down the street meant nothing, had implied that all the times they had visited bookstores and picked out books for each other to read were meaningless. Yoongi was worse than anyone who had previously dropped Jeongguk because at least they had been honest about their reasonings while Yoongi had lied.
But the world is cruel so Yoongi shouldn’t be surprised when Taehyung walks into his parlor one cold February night, scarf wrapped tightly around his face and only the apple of his red cheeks showing. It’s been three months since Yoongi told Jeongguk not to come back, since Yoongi had turned a blind eye to cigarettes, and Yoongi doesn’t want to have this confrontation with Jeongguk’s boyfriend.
The look in Taehyung’s eyes is already unfriendly, so Yoongi doesn’t waste his time with pleasantries and gets right down to it.
“What are you doing here?”
Taehyung takes his time in answering, unraveling his absurdly long scarf so there won’t be anything in the way when he yells at Yoongi. He steps up to the counter to look down at Yoongi who refuses to stand from his seat.
“First, let me just say, what the fuck.”
Yoongi hunches in on himself, arms crossed and laying on the desk in front of him.
“No, look at me,” Taehyung commands, voice demonstrating how pissed he is, “What the fuck. How could you do that to Jeongguk? How could you hurt him like that? He trusted you!”
“Why are you so mad at me?” Yoongi snaps, fingers twitching even from where he has them digging into his arms. He needs a piece of gum, “You should be mad at your boyfriend for hanging around me so much.”
“Boyf- are you fucking kidding me. Are you trying to tell me you told Jeongguk to fuck off because you thought we were dating? You’re unbelievable. Jeongguk and I aren’t together, dick, and you broke his heart over nothing.”
Yoongi licks his lips, refusing to look up at Taehyung, “I fucking saw you two on his birthday, all over each other. It was obvious-”
“It’s obvious that you’re a moron,” Taehyung cuts across him, tongue like acid, “and that I’m an affectionate person who likes to touch people regardless of if I’m drunk or sober. It is not obvious, on the other hand, that Jeongguk and I are dating because we fucking aren’t or ever were. Did you see me kiss him that night, or in any way act like we were a couple other than the fact that we were holding onto each other because we were so drunk?”
Yoongi feels like a scolded child, Taehyung’s face a little red from how angry he is, “… no.”
“And has Jeongguk ever talked about me in a more than friendly way? Any dates we’ve been on, any milestones we’ve celebrated, anything?”
“… no.”
“Exactly, because Jeongguk is nothing more to me than my best friend. And you broke his fucking heart because- because you were jealous? Petty? I don’t fucking know, but I do know that Jeongguk hasn’t been the same since that night and that you are going to fucking fix it.”
Yoongi drums his fingers on the counter, vaguely feeling like he did that day in the café he had seen the two of them, arm in arm. They’re friends. Best friends, actually, but only friends. Jeongguk’s not in love with Taehyung and Taehyung isn’t in love with Jeongguk and Yoongi is the biggest idiot to ever walk the Earth.
“But-”
“I didn’t come here to tell you that, but to tell you you’re the biggest asshole I’ve ever met and I don’t know what Jeongguk sees in you but you make him happy. So, figure it the fuck out and figure it the fuck out soon. I’m leaving.”
And Taehyung sweeps out of his parlor, wrapping his scarf around his face as he does so and leaving Yoongi immobilized.
“Damn that was intense. Did you really break some kids heart because you thought he was fucking some other kid?” Bobby asks from the doorway of his room.
Yoongi unwraps a piece of gum with shaky fingers and sticks it in his mouth, chewing furiously. He had no idea what he’s going to do.
-
A week later Yoongi is standing outside Kim’s Kafé a few minutes before it’s set to close, trying to work up the nerve to enter. He panics when he sees Seokjin starting to shut off lights and flings the door open, wincing when it bangs harshly against the wall and alerting Seokjin to his presence.
“Shit, sorry, I-”
“I’m sorry, we’re getting ready to close the café soon,” Seokjin smiles pleasantly at him and Yoongi knows soon Seokjin is going to be looking at him the same way Taehyung had looked at him.
“Yeah, I know I- fuck, this is gonna sound so stupid. Um, you’re Jeongguk’s cousin, right?”
Seokjin perks up at the sound of his cousin’s name, smile widening slightly, “Yeah! Are you one of Jeonggukie’s friends?”
“Um, not… exactly. I’m… I’m Min Yoongi and-”
Just like Yoongi expected, the smile is promptly wiped off Seokjin’s face and goes eerily stony.
“L-Look just hear me out!” Yoongi raises his hands helplessly, unsure if what he’s going to ask will be heard, “I fucked up, believe I know and I regret everything I ever said to Jeongguk to hurt his feelings and no amount of groveling will ever make up for what I did but I just- I need your help, please. Even if Jeongguk never wants to talk to me again I need to apologize to him so he doesn’t think he did something wrong because all of it was my fault. All of it, everything I said or thought was wrong because I had a few misconceptions about things and I need to let Jeongguk know I’m sorry, that I’m so fucking sorry and that I- that I-"
Yoongi breaks off with a frustrated sigh, raking his hands through his hair as he stares angrily down at the floor. Seokjin has his arms crossed against his chest, a sour look on his face as he stares at Yoongi.
“You realize how many times I’ve seen Jeongguk cry over you? How many times I’ve heard him ask, “Hyung, what did I do wrong?”? Jeongguk is a sensitive kid and he told you things I haven’t heard him talk about in years and you look him in the eyes and tell him all the time you guys had spent together was for nothing? I’ve never seen Jeongguk hurt as much as I have in the past two months and if you’re coming in here asking me to help you just so you can hurt him all over again I won’t-”
“No!” Yoongi shouts, voice ricocheting off the walls of the café, “I would rather jump in front of a bus than hurt Jeongguk again. I just want- I just want him to know that none of it was him, that it was all me and that I’m the biggest bag of dicks to have ever lived and that I’m sorry, that I’m so, so sorry I ever made him feel that way. Please, you have to help me say I’m sorry.”
Seokjin sniffs, arms still crossed tightly, shirt stretched tightly over his shoulders, “What do you need me to do?”
“… can I borrow your kitchen?”
-
Yoongi has finished his task in five hours, flour down the front of his black shirt and caked under his nails, but he’s down and tying the bow on the box. Seokjin hasn’t spoken to him the entire five hours they’ve been working and Yoongi doesn’t blame him. He’ll probably never show his face in this café again when he’s done, even though he’s going to severely miss its americanos.
“Let me just clean my mess up and I’ll be out of your hair,” Yoongi tells Seokjin, bowing a little in thanks.
Seokjin sighs before saying his first sentence to Yoongi since Yoongi turned on the mixer, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll clean this mess up. Just get these to Jeongguk and tell him what you told me; I can’t promise that he’ll accept it, but Jeongguk’s a good kid and he’ll at least hear you out.”
“N-No I can clean up-”
“Listen, just go. I’m tired of looking at your face,” even though Seokjin is smiling, Yoongi wouldn’t put it past him to be serious.
The box looks identical to the one Jeongguk had presented to him the day after his birthday and is filled with now what it had been filled with then: three dozen chocolate chip cookies, freshly baked thanks to Seokjin’s help.
Yoongi’s heart is pounding the entire time he walks to Jeongguk’s apartment. He hasn’t thought this far ahead, because he didn’t think Seokjin would actually help him. He doesn’t even know if Jeongguk is going to be home, if Jeongguk is going to humor him and listen to what he has to say. Yoongi wouldn’t blame him if Jeongguk shuts the door in his face and never talks to him again. Yoongi wouldn’t even blame him if Jeongguk doesn’t open the door in the first place.
When Yoongi reaches Jeongguk’s building, he realizes that it’s a university owned building and that someone has to have a key swipe in order to even the building, but that he can press an intercom button and buzz up to Jeongguk’s room. So with a pounding heart, Yoongi key’s in Jeongguk’s room number and waits with bated breath for Jeongguk, or even Taehyung, to answer.
When after a few seconds he doesn’t get an answer he tries again. And again. And again, and again, and again-
“Hello?” a sleepy voice answers and even though Yoongi is one giant ball of nerves and stress, he almost melts in endearment at how cute Jeongguk is and realizes how long it’s been since he’s heard Jeongguk’s voice, “It’s really late who is it?”
Yoongi takes in a deep breath before pressing the button again and saying into the intercom, “It’s- it’s me.”
There’s no answer, just static so Yoongi clarifies, “It’s Yoongi.”
He still doesn’t get a response and Yoongi heart sinks, beating dully in his chest as he thinks about how Jeongguk could look, pissed off and adorable probably.
When Jeongguk doesn’t say anything, Yoongi assumes he’s gone back to bed. But, Yoongi has three dozen cookies in his hand and no dignity left, so he presses the button on the intercom again and word vomits.
“Look, I know I’m probably the last person you ever want to talk to again and I don’t blame you. If you had said those- those horrible words to me I would do the same thing. I- fuck, I probably should have wrote this down so it sounds better but Jeongguk- Jeongguk I’m so fucking sorry. There are not enough words in any language to tell you how sorry I am. I’m an idiot, I’m a goddamn moron and I thought things I had no right thinking when you had given me no indication that they were true because I’m the biggest- what’s another word for moron? I’m worse than a moron, whatever word that may be, and I-”
Yoongi feels tears well up in his eyes and he has to stop for a moment to catch his breath, starting to shake from a mix of cold and emotions. It’s almost March, almost his birthday, but spring has still been unkind.
“I just want you to know Jeongguk that none of it was you, that all of it was me, because I’m an awful human being who drinks too much coffee and doesn’t get enough sleep and smokes too many cigarettes and doesn’t know how to function as a proper human being with feelings. I left myself think too much and assume the worst and I took it out on you and you… you are the last person who deserved to hear those words. You were one of the few good things in my life and I couldn’t handle it, couldn’t handle having you so close when I thought- I’m sorry Jeongguk. There’s nothing more I can say, except please don’t think it was your fault, because it was all, all mine. I’m so sorry.”
Yoongi lets go of the intercom button to take in a shuddering breath and wipe the few tears off his cheeks. He doesn’t expect Jeongguk to say anything and Jeongguk doesn’t. There’s still static, meaning what Yoongi had just said as least made its way into Jeongguk’s apartment, but it could have fallen on deaf ears. Yoongi sighs, pressing the intercom button one last time.
“I- I have something for you. I’ll leave it on the steps and you can come get it if you want. If you do decide to get it, I hope you enjoy them. Good bye Jeongguk, you deserve the best.”
Yoongi smiles sadly as he lets the button go and places the box of cookies on the steps, staring up at the building for a moment before turning around. He hears the static cut out, meaning Jeongguk has finally cut the connection between them and it feels like the last time he’ll ever have any kind of connection to Jeongguk. It’s bittersweet, but like he had told Suran that time at the coffee shop, he had made his bed and now he must lie in it.
As Yoongi walks away, he thinks he hears the door to Jeongguk’s building open, but he knows it’s just his hopeful heart. Even if the door did open, it’s not going to be Jeongguk. It’s going to be some other kid, unaware of the heartbreak that Yoongi has caused two people. Yoongi’s never been a believer in fate so-
“Are these chocolate chip? I don’t fuck with any cookie that isn’t chocolate chip.”
The voice is gruff and laced with sleep, but unmistakable as Yoongi has dreamt about that voice more times than he can count. He feels his breath get caught in his throat and he’s almost afraid to turn around but he does.
Jeongguk is standing on the steps of his building, Yoongi’s present in his hands and open so he can peer inside, the red bow Yoongi had decorated it with dangling and blowing in the slight March breeze. Jeongguk is wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt and baggy sweatpants, hair mussed from where he had no doubt been sleeping, and his face is slightly shadowed in the dark. Yoongi has never seen anyone more attractive.
“I’m not gonna have a conversation with you half-way down the street, come here.”
Yoongi wants to say something, maybe call him a cheeky brat ordering him around like that, but instead he just lets his feet carry him back to Jeongguk. It’s almost like Yoongi can breathe again, seeing Jeongguk up close, like he’s taking his first drink of water in years. Jeongguk’s eyes are so familiar, his mouth doing that funny little quirk of his where he’s trying not to show his slightly too large front teeth as he smiles.
They’re quiet for a few minutes to take the time to really look at each other and even though Yoongi is sad that this is the last time he’ll ever get to see Jeongguk, he feels content, like they’re getting proper closure.
“So, I heard Taehyung really tore you a new asshole.”
Yoongi grimaces and Jeongguk laughs, sending Yoongi’s heart into a tizzy as he thinks of the first time he saw Jeongguk laugh. Now, their roles are reversed and Yoongi’s the one bringing a peace offering. This time, though, won’t lead to the two of them going up to Jeongguk’s apartment and eating themselves into a cookie coma. Instead, Yoongi is going to walk away and Jeongguk and Taehyung are going to share the cookies and they’ll never see each other again.
“Yeah, but I deserve everything he said to me,” Yoongi says, voice soft as Jeongguk sobers up.
“He told me you thought he and I were dating.”
Yoongi looks away from Jeongguk for a brief moment, feeling like an idiot all over again, but Jeongguk deserves the whole truth.
“I-I did. He told me how much of an idiot I was and he’s right, there was nothing that suggested you two were dating I just- just assumed because who wouldn’t want to date you? I mean you- you’re amazing, you’re so funny and witty and smart and I would be so lucky- no, not just me, anyone would be lucky to have the chance to date you so I just assumed you guys were which was not cool of me. I should have asked- no, I shouldn’t have, it wasn’t any of my business, but I shouldn’t have assumed, I should have just been content with us being friends and-”
Yoongi’s word vomiting again and he can’t stop himself, even as Jeongguk smiles and sets the box of cookies back on the steps before stepping down, right up into Yoongi’s personal space. Yoongi’s mouth clicks shut with an audible sound as Jeongguk slides his hands up and down Yoongi’s arms before sliding his fingers in between Yoongi’s.
“Seokjin called me,” he says softly in the miniscule space between them, staring down at their joined hands, “right after you left his café. Said some crazy guy had came in just before closing and had yelled at him that he needed help to make apology cookies and that I should expect a guy covered in flour to come calling for me. He wasn’t kidding about the flour, did you just dump an entire bag on yourself or what?”
“I’m not a good baker,” Yoongi says weakly, because Jeongguk is so close to him and he’s radiant in the moon light.
Jeongguk smiles at Yoongi’s comment, finally looking at Yoongi and effectively stealing every molecule of oxygen out of Yoongi’s lungs, “You said some really hurtful things to me hyung.”
“I know,” Yoongi whispers, hands tightening around Jeongguk’s.
“You had already made up your mind before even letting me talk and that’s not okay, you need to work on your communication skills.”
“I know.”
“You have to talk to me about what’s going on instead of shutting me out so we can work through it together. Our relationship won’t last if we can’t talk to each other.”
“I know.”
Jeongguk hums, letting go of Yoongi’s hands so he can slide his own hands back up Yoongi’s arms, “You smell different. Like mint. And cookies. Sweet.”
“I-I stopped smoking,” Yoongi stutters because he feels like Jeongguk’s face is getting closer, “and I’ve been chewing a lot of gum recently.”
Jeongguk’s eyebrows raise in surprise, “You stopped smoking? That’s amazing. I bet things taste weird now, right?”
“I mean, I guess?”
Jeongguk smirks, voice teasing as he says, “I wonder how I taste, hyung.”
Yoongi’s brain positively short circuits, Jeongguk staring at him with fire in his eyes.
“Why don’t you find out hyung?” Jeongguk continues, using the hands he has on Yoongi’s shoulders to pull Yoongi into Jeongguk until they’re kissing.
Yoongi is pretty sure the sound he just heard was himself and it’s embarrassing, but he can’t find it in himself to care when Jeongguk is smiling into the kiss, one of his hands slipping around to grasp at the back of Yoongi’s neck while Yoongi scrambles to clutch onto Jeongguk’s waist.
Jeongguk tastes refreshing, like Yoongi just drank a glass of water after brushing his teeth kind of refreshing. His lips are cool and chapped, the winter air having been rough to them, and he has half a mind to pull back to tell Jeongguk to wear more chap stick except he never wants to stop kissing Jeongguk. Jeongguk must feel the same, because they don’t stop. They kiss and kiss and kiss until Yoongi’s lungs are burning and he can’t feel his fingers from how hard he’s grasping at Jeongguk’s shirt and Jeongguk has let go of Yoongi’s neck in favor of digging his fingers into Yoongi’s hair.
Yoongi can’t remember the last time he’s felt like this and it’s exhilarating, pulling away from Jeongguk with a gasp as he tries to breathe, Jeongguk in a similar state. It brings Yoongi great satisfaction to see that Jeongguk’s lips are a cherry red and swollen, his tongue slipping out of his mouth to drag across them for a brief moment before he’s pulling Yoongi back in.
It’s an infinitely sweeter kiss, though it still makes Yoongi weak in the knees. It’s softer, a gentle glide of their lips as the savor the moment, and Yoongi feels that all is right in the world.
“When I first thought about kissing you,” Jeongguk says, pulling back a fraction so he can speak with their lips still slightly touching, “I thought it’d be like kissing a smoke stack. I like this a lot better.”
Yoongi lets out a breathless laughing, tilting his head so he can nose along Jeongguk’s cheekbone and place kisses along the way, until his face is buried in the crook of Jeongguk’s neck. Then they’re hugging tightly, Yoongi pulling Jeongguk as close into him as he can.
“I am really sorry Jeongguk,” Yoongi says into the collar of Jeongguk’s shirt, “I wasn’t just saying that to make you forgive me, I honestly have never felt so shitty about anything I’ve ever said before.”
Yoongi can feel Jeongguk smile from where his mouth is pressed to the side of Yoongi’s head.
“It’s okay- well, it’s not okay, they… they really hurt me. But I forgive you, because I really, really like you hyung, and I know sometimes you say things you don’t mean.”
Yoongi lets out a helpless laugh, kissing the side of Jeongguk’s neck before pulling away to look into Jeongguk’s eyes as he says, “I really, really like you too. Like a lot. Like a ridiculous amount.”
Jeongguk’s eyes curve prettily as he smiles, one that takes over the entirety of his lower face as he ducks his head to try and hide it. The kind of smile that he can’t hide because Yoongi wants to look at Jeongguk’s face for the rest of his life, so he tilts Jeongguk’s head back so he can get a start on that.
“You should come over tomorrow, after classes,” Yoongi says, confident that the smile on his face is nowhere near as beautiful as Jeongguk’s, “Holly has really been missing you.”
“He has, has he?” Jeongguk smiles, bumping his nose against Yoongi’s, “I’m sure he’s the only one.”
“Oh, don’t worry he is, with you gone I’ve actually been able to keep my fridge stocked without having to buy milk every three days,” Yoongi teases and Jeongguk laughs, leaning in to kiss him again.
“Jeon Jeongguk get your ass back up here! We have class in like six hours and I refuse to be tired because you wanted to make out with your boyfriend at ass o’clock! By the way, good job fixing things, dick hyung!”
Yoongi shakes his head in disbelief at Taehyung, who has his head stuck out of their apartment window while Jeongguk groans at him.
“He’s right, you should go,” Yoongi smiles at Jeongguk, leaning in to give him one last kiss, “Go get some sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“You promise?” Jeongguk asks, trying to make it sound like a joke but there’s an underlying fear that Yoongi picks up on.
Yoongi remembers once that Jeongguk told him he never grew out of making pinky promises, that he and Taehyung still use them to hold each other accountable for things. So, Yoongi sticks his pinky up and wiggles it until Jeongguk links them together.
“I promise.”
And because Yoongi is a liar in his core, he gives Jeongguk one more last kiss, before he forces himself to take a few steps back so he can usher Jeongguk back into his apartment. Jeongguk is all smiles as he collects his box of cookies and swipes himself back into his building, turning around to check if Yoongi is still watching. Yoongi is and waves, waiting until he sees Jeongguk disappear behind the door before letting out a breath and walks away.
-
Yoongi’s picks up a new habit beyond his gum chewing. Whenever he starts getting antsy, fingers tapping in an out of sync fashion on something for whatever reason, he kisses Jeongguk. Jeongguk accepts it, of course, because he accepts all of Yoongi, even if Yoongi doesn’t accept all of himself.
Yoongi likes his new habit the most out of anything, even if this habit might also send him to an early grave because Jeongguk is too cute even when he’s not trying to be cute.
“Hyung, I’m trying to finish this level,” Jeongguk complains, though the smile on his face gives away how annoyed he actually isn’t.
“Is beating this level more important than my sanity?” Yoongi complains right back, anchoring a hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder so he can pull Jeongguk into his chest and scatter kisses against the back of his neck, “Hyung is worried about bills, indulge him.”
“Hyung is always coming up with excuses and they’re always lamph,” Jeongguk mutters the last of his sentence into Yoongi’s mouth because Yoongi has turned his head so he’s no longer focused on the TV but instead focused on the heated way Yoongi kisses him.
Yoongi can hear Jeongguk’s character die in his game, but Jeongguk has long since stopped caring, choosing instead to twist in Yoongi’s lap so he better kiss Yoongi. Once Jeongguk’s character has finished his dramatic dying monologue, the only sound they’re left with is the wet slide of their tongues and Jeongguk’s soft moans each time he feels Yoongi’s tongue piercing.
“I’m so glad you agreed to get it,” Jeongguk says hurriedly into Yoongi’s mouth, trying to kiss him but also trying to speak, “I knew it’d look good but I didn’t think it’d feel this go-”
“Stop talking and kiss me,” Yoongi commands and Jeongguk does, tugging on Yoongi and Yoongi’s shirt until they’re laying down on the couch, Yoongi blanketed over Jeongguk.
In ten years, the threat of his friends nor the threat of lung cancer nor the threat of death was enough to get Yoongi to give up his habit of smoking. Yoongi clutched to his coping mechanism like a life preserve, trying to stay afloat in an unforgiving world. Then Jeongguk crashed literally into his shop and subsequently his life and Yoongi found himself in the uncanny predicament of wanting to better himself, not just for his own sake but for another’s.
The world is cruel and Yoongi still feels the twitch in his fingers, the need to feel the smoke in his lungs, but then he looks at Jeongguk and feels Jeongguk’s fingers between his and finds that Jeongguk is the only habit he needs now.