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It was February, and Leon had been forced to room with Gwaine for over two months. It seemed far, far longer.
Valentine's Day was fast approaching. Normally that was of little interest to Leon, who didn't bother with such frivolities and emotional distractions. Gwaine on the other hand couldn't stop talking about it. He'd started off by asking Leon how many cards he'd bought. When Leon had told him that he didn't partake in such blatant commercialism Gwaine had looked pointedly at Leon's collection of limited edition hand-painted knight figurines and just raised an eyebrow. After that, Gwaine hadn't been able to leave the subject alone. He was very nosey.
"There must be someone you've got your eye on?"
Elyan, perhaps, but Elyan had gone home to run the family business, and Leon hadn't heard from him since. But he wasn't going to tell Gwaine about that. Elyan had been a great roommate. So much better than Gwaine. No wonder the university refused to rehouse Gwaine, there was probably nobody else who would put up with him.
"Nobody. We're here to study, Gwaine." Leon opened one of his textbooks and demonstrated how very studious he was. It didn't work.
"Uni," Gwaine told him, stretching out lazily across his bed, on his messy pigsty half of the room, "is about so much more than that."
Leon wasn't going to ask what else it was about. He had a feeling Gwaine was going to tell him anyway. He wasn't wrong.
"It's about careful build-up of your alcohol tolerance, about experimenting with brain-enlightening substances, about seeing just how many times you can have your heart broken before you manage to break someone else's."
Leon stopped reading, as that last item was almost thoughtful. But, it was Gwaine...
"And about getting your brains sucked out through your cock at every opportunity! Valentine's Day is a great opportunity!"
Yes, it was definitely Gwaine. Leon closed the book and decided to head for the library.
It wasn't Gwaine's last word on the subject by any means. Within a few days Leon had heard enough about Valentine's Day to last a lifetime.
---
When Valentine's Day finally arrived, Leon was expecting Gwaine to pull some sort of prank, so when he checked his postbox after breakfast, as he did every day, he wasn't at all surprised to find a crisp red envelope waiting for him. He was a little startled that there were two of them, though.
Neither of the envelopes had gone through the Royal Mail, so both would be from someone on campus. He could guess who one of them would be from, and as it was likely to be something supposedly amusing at Leon's expense, he took both envelopes back to his room to open them in private. Or, what passed for private in Leon's life now.
Gwaine was there. Of course he was, Leon wouldn't have expected anything else. It was, after all, the middle of the night as far as Gwaine was concerned (about 9am), and he was still in bed. At least he wasn't still asleep and snoring. No, for once he was sitting up in bed (shirtless, as Gwaine didn't do clothes unless he really had to), drinking coffee and flicking through his iPad, showing no signs of leaving the room any time soon.
One of the envelopes felt a little cheaper than the other. He opened that one first. Inside was a surprisingly tasteful card with a picture of a single red rose lying between the pages of a book on a wooden desk. There wasn't even any wording on it other than 'Be My Valentine'. Inside, someone had printed very neatly an invitation to dinner that evening. It was at the local bistro that he had gone to once or twice with Elyan.
Though hopeful, Leon was still a little wary and merely put the card to one side. He didn't want to fall victim to one of Gwaine's pranks again. Then he opened the other one.
The paper was of a fine quality, he could tell. It was even lightly embossed, and on the back was a note that it had been hand-made. When he turned it over and read it, he could see exactly who it had been hand-made by.
"Roses are red
Violets are blue
I really love
(Room) mating with you!"
Leon looked at it in disgust, then glared across at Gwaine, who was watching him with interest.
"Who's that from, then? Secret admirer?"
Leon didn't even bother opening the card to see what further coarse vulgarity might be written inside. He made a big show of ripping it up, then dropped the pieces in his bin.
"You're not even slightly funny, Greene." He picked up the tasteful, intact card and tucked it inside his notebook. "Crude and crass, yes. I'll see you later."
He really didn't like the way Gwaine grinned at him when he said that.
---
Leon had decided early on that he was going to treat university like a job. He would study from nine till five every day, regardless of whether there were lectures or not. And then he'd probably spend most of the evening studying too. He would get a First, and then the sort of high-powered job that was expected of him. And he wasn't going to be distracted by anything frivolous along the way.
So it was exactly five o'clock when he finished writing the notes for his essay, put everything into his attaché case (because it was a job, and professionals carried cases, not tatty backpacks) and then took out the surviving card to look at it again.
There was a £1 price sticker on the back that he hadn't noticed earlier. That was a little disappointing, but then he knew Elyan's father's business hadn't been doing too well. Even so, it was unlike him to miss such a detail when he knew Leon wouldn't like it. Elyan was normally so organised and tidy. With a little sigh, Leon peeled it off.
That was when he noticed what was printed in tiny, tiny letters on the back of the card. Three little words:
Cards by Asda.
Asda. Elyan would never buy him anything from Asda, but it was Gwaine's favourite shop. Leon suddenly had a horrible, horrible feeling. The roommate card had looked expensively printed on handmade paper. It had arrived via the internal mail, much like the Asda card, which meant that whoever sent it was probably nearby. Perhaps they had come down for the day especially to see him...
Leon had never rushed back to the room so fast. Certainly not since Gwaine moved in.
Luckily the cleaners hadn't been in yet. Leon gathered up all the little pieces of the card that he had destroyed earlier and arranged them as best he could, then re-read the message:
"Roses are red
Violets are blue
I really loved
(Room) mating with you!"
Loved. Past tense. Not Gwaine then. He must have had his thumb over the 'd', or simply been blinded by his certainty that Gwaine had sent it, helped along by the fact that there was a certain innuendo in that last line which smacked of Gwaine. And there had been something written inside too.
It took a fair bit of sellotape, but eventually Leon managed to put the rest of the card back together.
Elyan had even signed it, so there could be no doubt. There was a sweet message inside, unsure if Leon would even be interested but inviting him to meet for lunch at a select coffee house they used to frequent. Leon looked at his watch. That was four hours ago. Elyan would have assumed he wasn't interested, and left long since. Because Leon would never, ever be late. But Elyan might not have gone home yet, there might still be a chance. Leon turned on his mobile (because people who had mobiles on in libraries were just too thoughtless and annoying, even on silent) and saw the text.
"Hi no hrd feelins, wrth a try, met gr8 guy n cofy shop cllD Percy. CU sn. El x'
Bugger. And moreso because Elyan appeared to have lost the ability to text in a clear and decipherable fashion during the past months. Perhaps he wasn't so wonderful after all.
And that meant the cheaper (though oddly tasteful) card was clearly from Gwaine and could be discarded. Leon was at least spared the humiliation of sitting in the bistro surrounded by couples whilst waiting for someone who had no intention of turning up, which was doubtless Gwaine's intention.
He supposed he could cook himself a nutritious and tasty meal, and have an early night with a good book. It was an excellent way of spending an evening, made even better by the fact that Gwaine wasn't there.
Gwaine wasn't there, and continued to not be there.
Normally if Gwaine was off on the pull the room would reek of aftershave and the supposedly erotic-smelling deodorants he normally doused himself in, which Leon would complain about bitterly. There was none of that, for which Leon was grateful.
But time passed and there was no sign of him. He normally liked to pop back to the room and annoy Leon with what Gwaine thought were interesting snippets from the evening. Nothing. Perhaps he was just having an amazingly good time. Perhaps he'd pulled and Leon would have to listen to all the gory details later. Leon looked down at the card, lying in the bin and thought of the curious way Gwaine had watched him shred Elyan's card. Perhaps it wasn't a joke after all. Perhaps Gwaine was sitting in that bistro, all alone...
That was, of course, the stupidest thought in the world. Of course he wasn't.
Leon put the card back in the bin, then took it out and put it in a drawer, out of sight. Ridiculous.
---
Gwaine eventually staggered in at about two in the morning, blind drunk. He turned all the lights on, told Leon he was a stuck-up bastard in need of a good blow job when Leon started complaining, then collapsed face down on his bed and almost immediately started snoring.
Leon raised an eyebrow. It was nothing more than he would expect from Gwaine, who had probably spent the entire night on the pull and drinking. He'd been more successful at one than the other, given how drunk he was and the fact that he was back in their room, alone. Leon rolled him onto his side in case he was sick (which earned him another curse), left a bucket by his bedside, flung a quilt over him then left him to sleep it off.
Gwaine had actually looked as if he'd made a huge effort that evening, Leon thought as he drifted off to sleep. The shirt and trousers he was wearing made a pleasant change from the normal stained T-shirts and jeans that he slopped around in. And there was even a jacket, though now in a heap on the floor. Leon thoughtfully hung it over the back of a chair. Gwaine had definitely gone all out to impress someone. It was a shame that judging by Gwaine's state it had all gone wrong. After all, it might have resulted in him eventually moving out!
At 3am Leon was woken by Gwaine throwing up. He tried to help, holding Gwaine's head and trying not to notice how long and silky his hair was, because it was Gwaine. Gwaine told him he was a heartless bastard, then promptly fell asleep again.
At 4am Gwaine got up to use the bathroom but pissed in Leon's bin instead. At least, that was why Leon supposed he'd done such a disgusting thing. Gwaine had also told him that he had shitty taste in restaurants, which Leon supposed was a reference to the card and just proved it had been a joke.
At 5am Gwaine got up and did actually manage to go out to the bathroom. He left the lights on, of course, because he was inconsiderate and the world's worst roommate. And also by that stage completely naked. It was possible that Leon's eyes were going to suffer permanent damage, because he hadn't been able to help but look. At least the next day was Saturday, so Leon wouldn't fall asleep in lectures. He'd still not forgiven Gwaine for that.
There was a scrap of paper on the floor. Leon hadn't noticed it before but Gwaine must have dropped it. It wouldn't matter, but it was on Leon's pristine and tidy side of the room and after a few minutes twitching at the thought of the mess Leon got up and went to put it in Gwaine's bin (Leon's bin now being outside, never to come anywhere near him again).
It was a receipt. From the bistro. For two bottles of wine and several packets of breadsticks, dated February 14th and time-stamped nearly two hours after Leon had been invited to turn up. Oh. Oh!
Leon flung the receipt into Gwaine's overflowing bin and, hearing footsteps, threw himself back into bed, hid under the blankets and pretended to be asleep. But he couldn't sleep, especially when Gwaine's snoring started up again.
As the hours passed, and dawn light filtered through the cheap Asda curtains, Leon tried not to wish he'd gone to the bistro. Because it had to be an elaborate Gwaine joke. What else could it be?
He really did need to get a new roommate. One that didn't wander around naked. Or have silky soft perfect hair. Not that Leon was distracted by those things at all, but the being naked was probably unhygienic or something.
Probably.
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