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Enjolras was running down the street. Everything had happened so quickly; Grantaire had pushed him again, and this time he began to break. He didn’t know where he was running or why he was running. Where were his keys? Did he say anything before he left the meeting, or did he just take off?
It wasn’t Grantaire’s fault. He and Grantaire argued all the time and this time was nothing new. No, it was his fault- it was his fault for taking on too many projects and letting himself get shoved to the edge over something dumb that Grantaire had said. It was especially his fault considering the fact that he could hardly handle the few projects he’d had to begin with, and let himself collect more and more onto his plate.
A wave of nausea swept over him and he stopped running, leaning onto a building, putting his head in his hands. Stupid stupid stupid, why did you think you could do all of this, why do you think you can do anything, why do you even try if you’re just going to break-
“Enjolras?”
Enjolras looked up, startled, to see Grantaire racing after him. He was out of breath, looking ragged and worried.
He exhaled, his hands beginning to shake. “Grantaire, please don’t-”
“Are you okay? I’m sorry about back there, I didn’t think- are you okay?” Grantaire slowed and walked just yards away from Enjolras, his eyebrows pulling together at Enjolras’ state.
“I’m fine, Grantaire, please just go back to the meeting-” Enjolras said, the building supporting most of his weight now. He felt light-headed and shaky, all of his worries and anxiety crashing down on him at once. He couldn’t have this conversation now, he needed to get home and lay down...
“Enjolras, are you- you’re shaking.” Grantaire sounded amazed and frightened, taking another very slow step towards him.
Enjolras opened his mouth and choked, then shook his head and looked away quickly, not trusting his legs to help him run again as tears began to stream down his face.
Grantaire’s eyes widened. “Apollo, I’m-”
“Please, don’t call me that,” Enjolras murmured, closing his eyes tight and trying incredibly hard to stop the flow of tears.
“E…” Grantaire reached out hesitantly, expecting Enjolras to flinch away. He touched the side of Enjolras’ face and gently brushed away the tears that refused to stop cascading down his face. Enjolras leaned into the gentle touch, and then turned to Grantaire, melting into his arms and burying his face into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around Grantaire’s neck, his entire body trembling hard as he tried to stop crying.
“E,” Grantaire breathed, wrapping his arms around Enjolras. “I’m so sorry.”
Enjolras shook his head. “It’s not- it wasn’t-”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He shook his head again. Grantaire lifted him up and began to carry him down the street, still holding him protectively.
“Where-”
“My place is right around the corner. The last thing you need is to catch a cold from standing out on the street.”
Enjolras’ grip on Grantaire tightened and another sob made its way from his mouth. “You don’t-”
“Shhh.”
It seemed like the trip took forever, though only a few minutes passed before Grantaire was setting Enjolras carefully onto his bed. Enjolras was usually one to argue that he’d take the couch, there was no reason for him to kick Grantaire out of his own bed; but tonight, he was too tired to be difficult. Grantaire watched Enjolras curl up on his side, his breathing slowly beginning to return to normal and color beginning to fill his face again. Grantaire smiled, a pained thing, before turning towards the door.
“Don’t-” Enjolras had reached out and gripped Grantaire’s sleeve as he’d turned. He cheeks turned pink. “Please stay. I really- I can’t be alone right now.”
Grantaire paused before crawling onto the bed beside Enjolras hesitantly. “You sure?”
Enjolras nodded, pulling Grantaire to him. Grantaire laid down on his back and put his arms around Enjolras, holding him again. There was complete silence for a few minutes.
“Thank you,” Enjolras whispered into the darkness.
“Any time,” Grantaire responded carefully.
“No, really. Thank you.” Another pause.
“You’re welcome, E,” Grantaire said, placing his chin on the top of Enjolras’ head.
Enjolras yawned, curling up closer to Grantaire. “I want to talk about this tomorrow when I’m more capable of thinking,” he said quietly. “I hope this- I hope I didn’t just fuck everything up.”
Grantaire felt Enjolras’ body tense as he began to assume the worst. He tried to stifle his laughter, a self-deprecating sound that was reserved for times like these when his hopes regarding Enjolras’ feelings toward him were raised and then crashed. He hid his laughter with a few fake coughs. “You didn’t. Nothing will change, I promise,” he said, fighting to keep the cold disappointment out of his voice. Of course, Enjolras only needed him tonight because he was there. He didn’t need him. He just needed anyone.
Enjolras’ body stayed tense. His voice grew so quiet that Grantaire wondered if he’d even meant for him to hear. “I want it to change.”
This pause was the longest of the night as Grantaire choked on his fake cough.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, please forget I just said that.” Enjolras murmured. Tonight was the first and last night he would be spending in Grantaire’s bed, the two of the wrapped up together like this. That was okay. It wasn’t okay, but it had to be. He decided to stop talking, because if he continued, he’d just ruin things even more.
“I want it to change, too," Grantaire said, quietly.
Enjolras sat up to look at him. “Are you- really?”
Grantaire nodded and pulled Enjolras back down. “Sleep now. You’re tired and you’re stressed and you’re hurting. You’ll make yourself sick again if you think too much. Just sleep. We’ll talk about this tomorrow, okay?” Enjolras nodded and curled back up as close to Grantaire as he could get. Grantaire dragged his fingers gently across the tensed muscles in Enjolras’ back and arms. “Relax, Ange,” he said quietly. “We’ll talk tomorrow, I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”
Enjolras slowly let himself relax, falling into a sense of protection, wrapped up in Grantaire’s arms. He didn’t have to think, and he didn’t have to worry. Not right now.