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At first, Lance wonders if he’s imagining it. Keith looks a bit puffed after he gets back to the castle, but hey, Lance would be puffed too if he had to dodge several hundred exploding lava pools while simultaneously avoiding the clinging, slimy tentacles of another dozen flesh-eating vines, all to collect some strange, boring-looking root that Coran apparently wanted to use in a dip.
Lance sighs, gives Keith another super-subtle sideways glance.
Well, he did volunteer for it.
“Keith, were you alright returning to the castle? You were in the decontamination rinse rather long,” says Allura, and Lance instantly brightens- see, it’s not just me, you took for-ev-er.
But then Keith nods, adds some reasonable explanation about the soap spray acting up, and waits for Hunk or Pidge to point out that Keith’s probably the one who broke the soap-spray, how someone can be so oblivious to auto-sensing nozzles Lance will never know. Keith gives a small smile, then heads back to his room in a completely reassuring and non-defensive way.
Lance’s heart sinks.
Something’s definitely up.
-
“For how long?” asks Shiro, and even though his voice is hushed, it’s so unexpected that Lance halts in his tracks.
“A while now,” says Keith, and Lance hears him sigh, uncomfortable.
Shoot, thinks Lance. He wouldn’t be trying to ask Shiro for Keith-advice if he’d known Keith was actually going to be there. Lance very nearly turns around, but then the passageway is quiet, Lance’s shoes kind of squeaky, and he feels ever so slightly ridiculous having to retrace his steps like some B-grade secret agent.
“I’ve been there before,” says Shiro, sympathetic. “It’s definitely no fun.”
“Any tips?” comes Keith’s voice again, and Lance recognises that tone that he uses when he’s trying to sound offhand. Lance’s mouth pinches in worry.
A while now? Been there before?
What in space were Shiro and Keith discussing?
“Okay, let's start with this,” Shiro suggests, and there’s a mumble from Keith as he agrees. Lance takes a deep breath, waits a few seconds so he won’t be interrupting their conversation, then strides deliberately wide of Shiro’s open door, gives a cheery wave as if he’s only passing through.
“Hey there,” says Shiro, invites Lance into the room with a jerk of his head. Lance hesitates as Keith turns to face him.
“Hey, Shiro,” Lance starts, then buries his hands in his pockets. Maybe running into Keith isn’t so bad. It does give Lance the opportunity to ask what’s been on his mind the whole night.
Keith, are you feeling okay? You were a bit quiet at dinner, and I dunno, I got kind of worried.
Lance opens his mouth, the words sticking in his throat as Keith’s eyes go wide, his cheeks vaguely flushed. He’s in the middle of drinking a glass of water, but stops when Lance stares at him, abruptly swipes his mouth on the back of his wrist.
“Thanks for the talk, Shiro,” Keith mutters, puts down the glass so hurriedly that it nearly spills. He gets up from the bed. “I’ll catch you later, Lance.”
Lance barely has time to move before Keith’s out the door.
Shiro clears a space on the bed for Lance to sit, he seems completely unfazed by Keith’s rushed exit.
“Actually… I’ve just remembered something,” Lance says quietly, glances away so Shiro doesn’t notice he’s upset. In the distance, he can still hear Keith’s footsteps fading down the hall.
-
If Keith needs some alone-time, that’s totally and completely fine, Lance decides, determined. Even though Lance always feels like company when he’s out of sorts, Keith probably just needs some time to recharge by himself.
Whatever’s wrong, he won’t be helping by making Keith feel guilty about it. They can always talk tomorrow, it’s not like they don’t see each other… well… always.
Lance heads up to Allura’s chamber instead. They’ve been getting closer and closer since Allura started piloting Blue, and Allura never fails to cheer Lance up by letting him do her hair, or them both doing manicures, or generally sharing the goofiest family stories each can think of, to see who can get the other to laugh first.
As he approaches Allura’s door, Lance is surprised to hear her talking to someone.
“I’m trying,” comes Keith’s voice, barely more than a mutter. “I don’t think it’s working…”
Great, thinks Lance, his hopes all sinking. Keith doesn’t need time alone. Just time alone from me.
“No, no, there, that’s it,” says Allura, bright and encouraging. “Okay, almost, just see how I’m- yes, there!”
“Like this? Okay-” Keith answers, but he sounds very far from happy as Allura replies in the affirmative.
Lance hangs his head. Whatever isn’t working, Lance clearly isn’t the person Keith wants to speak with about it. He’s about to walk the other way when Allura pauses her next set of instructions.
“Lance! Is that you? Come in here for a tic!”
Lance freezes, guilty. He must have been walking too loud, or Altean senses are just that much more perceptive. He tries his best to make his expression neutral, then peeks round the chamber door.
…and sees both Allura and Keith positioned in the most complicated abdominal stretch imaginable.
“…er,” says Lance, he can’t stop staring as Keith untangles himself.
“It’s far easier than it looks,” Allura assures him, exhales and gets to her feet. “I’ve been thinking of updating our training warm-ups for a while now.”
“I have to go,” Keith interrupts, throws an apologetic grimace toward Allura as she nods, understanding.
Lance’s gaze drops to his boots as Keith pushes past him, doesn’t say a word.
“Is everything alright, Lance?” Allura says after a moment, her voice lowers with concern as she recognises the change in Lance’s posture.
“Um. Maybe,” says Lance, his chest feels heavy as he lets out a breath.
“I’m here,” Allura says softly, and Lance knows she means it, she would talk to him all night.
“I think I’m just tired,” he mumbles, and tries not to let it get to him. Maybe this will all seem less personal in the morning.
Allura doesn’t push it, she gives Lance a hug as he leaves. It isn’t until he’s halfway back to his bedroom that Lance feels a tear slip from his eye, wishes he had hugged her back.
-
Lance tries to sleep. It doesn’t work.
He goes to the kitchen to make a herbal tea, but the herbs taste horrible and he accidentally burns his mouth, so he ends up tipping it down the sink instead.
It was just a kiss, Lance thinks miserably. And he was the one who kissed me.
Lance scuffs his slippers over the floor as he makes his way back to his room. Even if Keith had changed his mind, or got freaked out or something, did that have to mean they couldn’t even be friends?
A low, bubbling insecurity wells up inside him, and Lance's middle feels empty as he shakes his head, tries not to listen.
Were you ever friends in the first place?
Lance lowers his eyes as he turns the last corner toward his bedroom. A split-second later there’s a crash, sprinting footsteps and a yell, Lance lands flat on his back as Pidge collides with him from the front.
“Attack! Galra attack! They’re seizing the castle!” shouts Pidge, frantic, Lance’s heart leaps into his throat as he realises what’s happening.
“What? How?! How did they get on-board?!” Lance yelps, scrambles to his feet and promptly trips over his dressing gown.
“Oh,” says Pidge, blinks. “Sorry, my bad. I thought you were Keith.”
Lance holds himself up on the wall, his pulse still racing in his windpipe.
“Does… me not being Keith mean the Galra aren’t seizing the castle?” Lance ventures, genuinely unsure. Before Pidge has a chance to answer, Hunk comes barrelling round the opposite end of the hall.
“Fire! Fire!! Guys there’s a massive-!” Hunk stops mid-yell as Pidge raises an eyebrow, Lance has startled once again at the unexpected outburst.
“Wha-? Oh what the heck, man?” Lance blurts after a moment, his surprise quickly turning to annoyance. He glares from Hunk, to Pidge and back to Hunk again, both his friends look like they’ve been caught red-handed.
“I don’t get it, why are you guys trying to prank Keith?” Lance insists, feeling more left-out by the second. He’s usually the one to start pranks, with varying levels of success. There’s no reason why they shouldn’t ask Lance to join in… unless…
Lance’s shoulders droop as Pidge and Hunk exchange desperate glances.
Unless they’re trying to cheer Keith up.
Over something Lance did.
And the only thing Lance did, that was any different to anything he normally does…
…was to kiss Keith back.
“To be… different…?” Hunk tries, but his expression goes all weird and scrunched-up as he says it. Lance’s ears feel warmer by the second. Hunk obviously doesn’t want to tell him that he knows.
Pidge takes a breath, then seems to make a decision, reaches a hand toward Lance’s arm.
“Okay, no,” she says sincerely. “Listen, Keith feels really self-conscious about this, but-”
“No, no, forget it!” Lance says hotly, his voice goes high-pitched as tears of embarrassment prickle his eyes. Keith feels self-conscious? It’s bad enough that Keith doesn’t like him, but he’s the one who apparently went round telling the whole castle, not Lance.
“I’m going to bed!” Lance exclaims, thankful that his room is only a few paces away. He slams his door to cover a sob, then sinks down on the other side of the wall, head in both his hands.
“Lance… hey,” Hunk says gently, Lance can hear both his friends sit down outside his door. “Um… I’m not sure we have the full story here, but can we please talk about it?”
Lance bites his lip, then sniffles. Deep down, he knows Hunk and Pidge weren’t purposefully trying to hurt his feelings.
...but they’re not the ones he needs to sort this out with.
“Look, I’m fine,” says Lance, and he steels himself enough that it comes out halfway convincing. “I just need a minute, okay? And then I’m going to talk to Keith.”
“That sounds like a plan,” says Pidge, and it makes Lance tear-up all over again when he hears the care in her voice. “We’ll be in Hunk’s room if you want to come hang after or something, okay?”
“-kay,” whispers Lance, and then, as they get up, “…thank you.”
-
Lance paces outside Keith’s bedroom for a good minute before knocking. Whatever special senses Allura has when it comes to noticing his presence, they clearly don’t apply to those of Galran descent, Keith seems genuinely taken aback when he slides opens the door.
Keith stares at Lance, a shy kind of softness taking over his features, a gentle hitch at one corner of his mouth.
And then Keith’s face falls just as promptly, and he attempts to wedge the door closed with his boot.
“Hey-!” blurts Lance, he pushes back just as hard from the other side, braces himself as Keith uses his shoulder to get extra leverage.
“It’s not a good time, Lance,” Keith says briskly, he’s pushing his entire weight into the door. Lance can feel his feet slipping, and in a last attempt to gain momentum, he half-leaps into the surface, tumbling forward as Keith lets go at the same time.
They collapse onto Keith’s floor, Keith looking so astonished that Lance nearly laughs.
Nearly.
“You could’ve just been honest with me, you know,” is what Lance says, and it only takes the accusation for the whole night to rush back at him. He crosses his arms, glaring.
“Oh,” Keith says weakly, some of the fight going out of him as he notices Lance’s scowl. “They told you.”
Lance rolls his eyes, makes a scoffing sound.
“No, it wasn’t that hard to figure out actually,” he says, tucks his arms tighter around his chest. “I mean, yeah, I confide in Shiro too. He’s probably had tons of people fall for him, so I’m sure he has plenty of tips about letting someone down easy.”
Lance’s voice is unexpectedly shaky, louder every time he tries to hide the tremble.
“Wait,” says Keith, and now he looks unsure. “This is about Shiro?”
“Um, no,” says Lance. He clears his throat when Keith only returns a blank look. “It’s about you- you-”
Keith covers his mouth with his sleeve and twitches, Lance pauses to flail his hands.
“-you and your… your space yoga, which I know you hate doing- and your- shenanigans, with Pidge and Hunk? Like, seriously? You hate practical jokes! In fact, you just hate… jokes… in general. But clearly all of that is better than just coming and talking to me, because you know, it’s not like it relates to me at all!”
“I was just embarrassed,” Keith says quietly, and he looks so disheartened that Lance almost takes it back. “I didn’t realise it would matter so much to you.”
Lance blinks, lets out the breath he had taken. In the second after Keith stops speaking, he feels as if the air has gone light, his lungs heavy and the whole ship silent.
“Well it did,” Lance says softly, and this time his voice doesn’t waver. “It does. You’ve always mattered to me, Keith...”
In spite of everything, Lance can’t help remember all the things that they’ve been through, all the near-misses and not-so-near-misses. All the times Keith has been there for him too.
“...and you always will.”
Keith covers his mouth again, this time he looks like he’s been broken in two. He gets to his feet, gently wraps his arms around Lance’s shoulders.
“Oh, Lance,” he mutters, and Lance finds the strength to hug him back. “You’re... going to be so mad at me for this.”
Lance shakes his head, can’t bring himself to speak.
“None of my feelings have changed,” Keith ventures into Lance’s nightshirt, and for a moment Lance thinks he’s misheard. “I… just wasn’t feeling so good, and I felt kind of stupid about it, you know?”
Lance stiffens. Keith squints, waiting for the outfall.
“...huh?” Lance answers, so hopeful that he immediately feels bad about it. “I mean, wait-”
“It’s nothing serious,” Keith adds quickly, more fidgety by the second. He rakes a hand through his hair. “It’s…”
He squints again, as if Lance might guess it and spare him the admission.
“You’re finally turning purple?” Lance asks, only half-kidding when he sees the shade of pink Keith’s cheeks are going.
“No,” Keith snaps, but it has the intended effect of making him laugh, and for that Lance feels better too.
“I might have tried that Altean dip Coran was making,” Keith says after a moment, sighs. “And… it might’ve turned out... that it’s only for Alteans.”
“Your turning Altean?” Lance blurts, his mouth falling open as he tries to catch a glimpse of Keith’s ears.
“No- Lance, no,” says Keith, blushing, then takes a small step backward, as if saying it out loud somehow makes it contagious. “I just have… the... space hiccups?”
There’s a silence, where Lance simultaneously realises that’s Keith’s self-conscious way of saying normal hiccups, that Keith doesn’t not-like him, that no one else knows they kissed, and that...
“That’s what you find embarrassing?” Lance says flatly. If Keith’s had them this whole time, he hasn’t even noticed. “Keith… that’s like saying you find sneezing embarrassing? It’s like… nothing?”
“I do find sneezing embarrassing,” Keith mutters, glances to one side.
“Oh,” says Lance, still slightly confused. “But still… it’s just me? You were okay with everyone else knowing… but…”
“...you,” Keith finishes, and he looks about ready to sink into the floor and never get up.
Then, slowly, Lance starts to smile.
“Hey,” he says, gently tucks his hands into his pockets and slouches to one side. “And least you didn’t, oh, I don’t know, half-bust down your boyfriend’s bedroom door in the middle of the night or anything. Apparently over space-dip.”
Keith breathes out another laugh, relieved.
“Yeah,” he says quietly. And then he blinks, his lips parting on an inhale.
“...boyfriend?”
“Oh yikes,” squeaks Lance, his whole body goes hot and cold as he realises what he just said. “This really isn’t my night.”
“Ah,” says Keith, now with that hesitating, half-hopeful sort of voice that he uses when he’s trying to lighten the mood. “‘Cause honestly, though I kind of don’t feel like I deserve it right now-”
Keith offers an apologetic wince, but Lance waves it away.
“…mine’s… actually getting a lot better?” Keith finishes, stares somewhere to the left of Lance’s shoulder.
And then, before Lance can burst into tears or issue any more spontaneous comments, Keith adds-
“You matter to me as well, Lance. Next time I’ll try to do better at showing it.”
“I’ll settle for now?” Lance manages to joke, clumsily holds out his arms.
Keith hugs him back, tightly so that Lance’s feet almost lift from the ground.
“Hey-!” Lance blurts, but he’s laughing.
“Now works,” Keith whispers, he finally meets Lance’s gaze. “I love you too.”
-
Later, when Lance has almost fallen asleep in a pair of Keith’s pyjamas, head tucked snugly into the Keith’s side, he ventures his hand to Keith’s chest.
“Hey-” he yawns, and Keith looks down at his shirt, smiles sleepily at Lance’s hand, then holds his breath as he flinches.
“Sorry-” he mumbles, makes a small noise as it happens again. “Agh… sorry.”
Lance rubs his palm in a circle over Keith’s chest, Keith’s blush slowly fades.
“You don’t have to keep saying sorry,” Lance whispers. “Honestly, it’s not a big deal.”
Keith gives a weak smile, then twitches ever so slightly for a third. “Sorry. It should be over by tomorrow, apparently.”
Lance cuddles in closer, Keith’s limbs all warm and tangled in his own.
“Aww, I’m just getting used to it though,” says Lance, and Keith shoots him a glare. “...it’s kind of cute.”
“At this rate I almost wish I was turning purple,” Keith sighs, then breathes out a low laugh as Lance’s head pops up, hopeful.
“...and I promise you’ll be the first one to know,” Keith adds, affectionately rolls his eyes.
Lance grins through another yawn, then winds his fingers through Keith’s, gently squeezes.
“One more time?” Lance mumbles, his eyelids drooping closed.
“If I ever turn-” Keith pauses, then slowly smiles.
“I love you,” Keith says softly, and he presses a kiss to Lance’s hair, squeezes his hand back. “I love you too.”
-