Chapter Text
“Hey there, Nureyev.”
I'm not sure what I was expecting. Shock or anger would be appropriate reactions for a detective who comes home to find the thief he left in a hotel room leaning against his bookshelf, although I must admit I was hoping he would make a dramatic swoon into my arms. But he just stands in the doorway and looks me over, calmly. Almost too calmly.
“You're not surprised to see me?” I ask, cautiously. The sight of him after all these months is strange. I've thought of him so many times; now that it's really happening, it feels surreal.
I wasn't planning on coming back. Initial sadness burned off into anger, and I raged my way to Neptune, to Charon, through the solar system and out into the universe. I wanted to be as far as possible from Juno Steel. I tried hating him for a while, as I threw myself into heists and robberies more complex than any I had ever completed before. But the distraction was temporary and the hate was a false, flimsy thing. I try to be honest with myself, at least, and I knew how horribly I was missing him. I abandoned my usual methods of drawing information out of my victims between kisses and whispers. It was too painful. I'd put my knife to their neck after the first caress, and that's almost as efficient as seduction if you want you learn someone's secrets- almost. I found myself getting clumsy. I nearly was caught a few times.
And so I returned. Juno Steel may well hate me, but he owes me an explanation, at least. Some degree of closure.
He steps towards me, stumbles, and catches himself against the wall. “Saw you just last night, didn't I?”
“Last night?” I ask.
“You're in my apartment again. Must be dreaming. I dream about you all the time, ya know.”
Something's very wrong here. I move closer, and he doesn't object as I take him by the shoulders and peer into his face. “Juno, are you drunk?”
“Nah,” he says. “Just good old Cecil. Remind me to kill him someday, yeah?”
That glazed look in his eyes is familiar. “Did Cecil drug you?” I ask.
“Yeah, think so. He sure was mad. Said something about an experiment. Neurochemicals? I'll try anything once.”
“Oh, Juno…” I check him over. Eyes dilated, pulse rapid, skin flushed; I recognize his symptoms. There won't be any lasting damage, but he'll be totally inhibited until the drugs get out of his system. “I'm afraid you're correct about the neurochemicals, but they should wear off soon enough.”
“That's… that’s a boring dream. Usually they're more exciting than this.”
My hands are still on his shoulders. Even now, the closeness is slightly dizzying. I look him right in the eyes- one his familiar blue, the other a metallic replacement for the one he lost to Miasma’s Martian parasite. It is not a beautiful eye. It makes no attempt to hide its purpose. My fault. So much of this is my fault.
“I'm not a dream, Juno,” I tell him.
“See, that's exactly what a dream would say.” He seems very satisfied with this reasoning. “I'm not gonna fall for it this time. I'll just wake up and feel sad, ya know? Not worth it.”
I take his hand and bring it up to touch the side of my face. “See?” I say. “I'm here. I'm real.” He smiles slightly, running his fingers across my cheek and then petting my hair.
“You feel real. I’m remembering you… pretty well, I guess.” And then he takes away his hand and looks away. “I miss you a lot, you know.”
There is significant pain behind those words, and my heart breaks a little, hearing them. At the same time, I feel a twinge of hope. He missed me. “I've missed you too,” I tell him.
“You're a dream. You can’t miss me because you don’t exist.”
It's going to be impossible to get through to him tonight. “Okay, Juno,” I say. “Let’s get you to bed.” He comes with me willingly as I lead him towards his bedroom. His gait is uneven, and I steady him with an arm around his waist.
“Chivalry,” he mutters, leaning against me and narrowly avoiding knocking into the doorframe. “You're a goddamn Robin Hood. How was I supposed to resist?”
“I am the epitome of chivalry.” I turn towards him and flash my teeth. It's a showman’s grin, my well practiced half-seductive smile, but there's real happiness behind it. He's really here, and he's complimenting me and not trying to kill me, even if he is practically incoherent. This is good.
He looks at me for a moment, his brow furrowed. “You don't have to do that, you know.”
“Do what?”
“That. Just, all that.” He gestures vaguely towards me. “Have you ever tried not being so… attractive all the time? The rest of us get by fine without it.”
“Oh, Juno.” I have to laugh at this. “I have a feeling you'll regret this in the morning.”
“Yeah, I usually do,” he mumbles.
“Anyway,” I say, “Don't be so hard on yourself. You're quite a lovely lady, you know.”
“And there you go again.”
None of this fits with what I thought he felt about me. I gently guide him to sit on the edge of his bed. “You seem to like me well enough, Juno,” I say, sitting beside him. “I thought you might be angry with me for coming back, considering the fact that you left me.”
“I’m not mad.” He opens his mouth, as if to give an explanation, then closes it. He gestures aimlessly. “You know I left because of me. Because I’m not brave enough to leave Mars, and I’m not- not good enough. For you, I mean. So that adventure you had planned would just- not work. Life kinda sucks, you know? You know. You're a dream, so you’re just my own brain talking at me.”
This is new, and it’s almost worse that if he’d left because of me. I don't pry. He seems upset by the topic, and besides, it feels wrong to make him tell me things when he's like this. He can explain it on his own time, I hope. Later. I just have one more question.
“Juno, if I were to show up again, would you want me back?”
“Doesn't matter. You wouldn't be interested anymore, and I still wouldn't want to leave Mars.”
“Humour me.”
He sighs. “Of course I would want you back.”
My heart leaps. I lean in close, looking him right in the eye. “Juno, I promise you that I am not a dream. In the morning I'll be here, and we can work ourselves out a compromise. I'm not losing you again.”
“Okay.” He smiles. “I'd- I’d like that, Nureyev.”
And then he's leaning in. I'm paralyzed for a moment by the sight of him: dark lashes fluttering closed, full lips parted slightly as he comes closer to me. He's tantalizing; I'd like to kiss him hard and never let him go. Instead I stop him with a finger to his lips.
“I'm afraid you're far too inebriated right now, Juno. I can't kiss you.”
“Oh.” He looks down. “Sorry. I thought you wanted…”
“As a matter of fact, I do want to, but you're hardly aware of what's going on. Tomorrow, once you have your senses about you again, I'd be happy to kiss you as many times as you like.”
“Oh.” He's pleasantly flustered by this. “That’s. Um. Good.”
I find him some clean sleepwear for him and send him into the bathroom to change. While he's changing, I clear all the clothes and dishes and crime scene evidence off his bed. When he returns, I help him into the bed. He seems a little confused by my fussing but allows me to pull the blankets over him.
“Goodnight, Juno,” I say. “I'm looking forward to seeing you in the morning.”
He shakes his head at me in a sad sort of way, like you might at a child who doesn't know any better. “You still don't understand that you're just a dream. A nice one, but you'll be gone when I fall asleep.”
“I'll be there.” I look him right in the eye. “Do you trust me, Juno?” He nods. “Good,” I say. “Now go to sleep.”
I'm halfway to the door when I hear him calling my name. My first name. Has he done that before? Just “Peter,” with so much vulnerability behind it?
I turn to look at him. “Yes, Juno?”
“Stay with me?” His voice is so quiet, so hesitant. He looks at me, and I can't make myself turn away
“Of course.”
I take my shoes and belt off and leave them next to the bed. My ear cuff and glasses go on his bedside table, among the detritus of empty mugs and scraps of paper. I slide under the blankets beside him. He doesn't hesitate before curling up against my body. Gently, I wrap my arms around him. He leans into my chest, letting out a little hum of comfort. His hand comes up to hold mine. His breathing slows until we inhale and exhale in unison. I squeeze my eyes closed and breathe in the scent of his hair, and I hold him close. He feels so warm and real in my arms. I never want to let him go.
“Juno Steel,” I whisper, “you deserve everything. You deserve every star in the sky and every planet in the universe. It's been a long time since I saw you last, plenty of time to draw conclusions about how undeserving you are, and you know what? Every beautiful sight I saw reminded me of you. Every wonder I saw was less wonderful observed by me alone. Every trial I went through was more painful without you beside me. It has all been incomplete since I saw you last. You changed my world, Juno. I'm not losing you again.”
He is already asleep, his hand still loosely clutching mine. I feel overwhelmed with happiness. Here I am, for the first time in so long. Tomorrow can wait. I let myself eyes drift closed.