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English
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Published:
2017-09-26
Updated:
2022-05-18
Words:
1,417
Chapters:
3/?
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shes back, angry, and gay

Summary:

"What the fuck. I told you not to come back."
It's been a while since Chell escaped to the surface. However, when the ugly ass sphere man returns from space (thanks to NASA), she is forced to return back underground to Aperture to break the news to *her.*

Notes:

this was originally gonna be a great work of fanfiction that would surpass blue sky in popularity and writing skills, but i was like, fuck it, im gonna write a crack fic

Chapter 1: fuck you, nasa

Chapter Text

Chell looked over the fields, and again, and again.

She did this every day. She didn't know why; she wasn't looking for anything. 

Perhaps she had a secret hope for something. Perhaps something will one day be different.

Being up on the surface alone was... well, lonely. Yes, she had the companion cube, but who would have a cube as only their friend?

She looked over at the lift where she had left Aperture such long ago. How long has it been? Honestly, she forgot.

As she turned her eyes away from her sadness she sighed. She gazed over the horizon, letting her hair flow in the wind when-

wait a fucking second.

that is not supposed to be there.

She took a few steps towards what she saw. could it truly be-?

"oh, hello there!"

Chell nearly fell back.

Yeah, she had a few questions. First of all, WHY THE FUCK was HE doing here? HOW THE FUCK did he come back from space? WHO THE FUCK would want this to happen? WHERE THE FUCK did he come from? WHERE THE FUCK did he go? WHERE THE FUCK did he come from-

MOTHERFUCKING WHEATLEY THE MORONIC UGLY ASS ORB.

that fucker was just sitting there, or whatever way cores sit because they had no legs. 

"im sure you have a few questions-"

Chell wanted to scream and kick him back into space, but she didn't want this to happen again, so she had no choice but to listen to this idiot tell his story about his daring escape from space.

"okay, so let me tell you, there was this spaceship, and they launched me back to earth! yeah, i think thats what happened. they also gave me all this cool space stuff"

Chell was 100% sure he was making shit up until she saw a NASA sticker. 

what

the 

fuck

why the fuck would nasa send this destructive moron back to earth? Why the actual fuck? also, how come he got a nasa sticker and she didn't? this wasn't fair. that other core, what the fuck was his name, space core, should've come back to earth. at least space core has a decent name, not like wheatley or kevin or some shit like that. seriously, this is a fucking inconvenience. 

time for another wild adventure, all because of fucking nasa.

fuck you, nasa.