Chapter Text
Stiles sat on the roof of his jeep listening to the music coming from his radio. It was too late to call it night but too early for him to be awake. He sat on the roof holding his sweater closed as he looked up the night sky. His father showed him as a boy how to find all the constellations in the sky. He could remember all the camping trips they went on every year. It was nice to listen to music and let it take in.
He was parked right outside the city limits where the stars could be seen the best. Stiles had escaped a college party he had been invited too. The music sucked, all the people were the same and he grew tired of holding the meaningless conversations. Not only this but he had become uncomfortable at the party when a friend had tried to set him up.
Stiles sat on the roof of his jeep until the sun came up. He also remembered that his father would say "No matter how bad things get, the sun will always come up." Stiles just wished his father was there to tell him that again. Sadly his Father wasn't there to tell him what he meant.
Eventually, Stiles slide off his roof and got back into the jeep. When he did he looked at the cup holder for his phone. He had two missed calls and a text message from his Mother. He was surprised that she was actually using the cell phones that Stiles had given her for her birthday. It was a simple text reminding him that dinner was on Sunday and to make sure he brought his clothes to wash. Stiles smiled. He had been in college for almost a year and she still didn't trust him to wash his clothes. Stiles decided to text her later. He knew he answered her this early she would wake and assume something was wrong. Instead, Stiles placed his phone back into the cup holder and drove home.
It took him an hour to get home. He couldn't help but stop for burgers and fries. They practically called his name. When he did reach home he had not come home to a happy surprise. Instead, he came home to his roommate pacing around in only his pajama pants.
"Where the hell have you been!" Jackson shouted at the top of his lungs. "You left the party last night. I get it you aren't ready to get out there. But then you didn't answer your phone or come home last night."
"Sorry," Stiles mumbled. His eyes kept darting to the floor. Jackson was shirtless and it was too much for him. Stiles was starting to regret living with Jackson. Jackson came closer.
"And you're eating this crap again?" Jackson rolled his eyes. "This shit isn't good for a dancer or for anyone for that matter Stiles. I swear it's like you are trying to screw yourself over." Stiles silently listen to Jackson yell at him. He knew Jackson only yelled because he cared. Sometimes he wishes Jackson didn't.
Someone from next door banged on the wall for Jackson to stop yelling. "Go fuck yourself!" He yelled back. "And you, what the hell is so wrong about Danny?" At the party, Jackson tried to set him up with one of his friends.
"It's not him, he seems nice and all. I'm just not ready." Jackson wasn't just Stiles roommate. He was many things to Stiles. Jackson was the only person that knew Stiles was gay. It wasn't something he wanted anyone to know.
"So you're just gonna spend the rest of your life in the closet?" Stiles didn't feel like having this conversation. Every couple of months they had this conversation. "You are a guy, I know you think about sex. I know there is at least one person you want to date." Stiles couldn't just come out and say that the person he wanted not date was right in front of him.
Jackson and Stiles met their freshman year of college. Their friendship started on the baseball field. Stiles had been aware since his junior year of high school that he wasn't straight. Over time he reached the realization that he wasn't straight. Stiles had been attracted to Jackson from the moment they met. It grew into a crush the more time they spent together. Stiles didn't realize this until a few months of living together. It was at the same time Jackson noticed Stiles never brought anyone home.
Girls seemed to gravitate towards Stiles. He was an easily likable person to Jackson. But it left him wondering why Stiles didn't date. At first, he thought nothing of it. Until he saw a girl kiss Stiles during New Years. Jackson bugged him about calling her, which he never did. He noticed Stiles never talked about if seeing someone.
One evening Jackson stopped by the convince store on his way home. Stiles had been working there for a while. When he stopped by he saw Stiles talking with a guy who appeared to be a little older than him. Jackson had never seen Stiles smile so much. The mystery man leaned over the counter and whispered something in his ear. Stiles' cheeks turned red. It was then that Jackson decided to confront him. Stiles finally told him the truth.
"No, because I'm not interested in dating right now." More than anything, Stiles wished he liked someone other than Jackson. He always wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship with a man. To have sex. Of course, he wondered what it was like to be out. He always wondered how people would react.
"You keep lying to yourself," Jackson answered. "I get coming out is hard. But I don't know why you keep torturing yourself. Living a double life, you can't keep it up forever." Jackson turned to go back to his room. "If you aren't gonna give Danny a chance you should let him down easy."
Stiles sat down at the table and started eating. It wasn't Danny that was the issue. It was the fact that he wasn't ready for everyone to know he was gay. Danny did seem nice, but what also bothered him was Jackson. It was hard having a secret crush on the only guy who knew you were gay, set you up with someone else. It killed him a little on the inside to know Jackson could never return the same feelings for him.
That longing feeling sat inside Stiles as he kept eating but no cheeseburger with extra bacon could fix how he felt. Only one thing could. After half eating his food Stiles changed his clothes and grabbed his duffle bag before he headed out for the day.