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Monty doesn’t look in the mirror when he gets ready. Or at all, in fact. It isn’t a conscious habit; in fact, since the bandages came off, Monty’s hardly thought about his missing ear at all. Aside from the silence on one side and the way sound seems like it’s coming in through a tunnel, it’s easy to pretend as though nothing’s changed at all.
Until he’s walking home one day and he catches a glimpse of himself in a shop window.
It’s not...it’s not horrible. It’s a little odd, but if he moves his hair to the side a bit, his unruly curls manage to obscure it at least. There’s not much to be done about the scarring that runs up his jaw and cheek though. Percy insists that it’s getting more and more faint every day, but it doesn’t matter how faint it gets, Monty will always know it’s there.
It isn’t quite vanity that keeps him from looking, though that would be the easy answer. He’s starting to believe he’s more than his looks and now that he and Percy are mostly settled in their relationship, he knows Percy still finds him attractive. It’s more an issue of identity.
His whole life, he had accepted that he was basically rubbish at everything. The one attribute he could count on was his looks. Now, he didn’t know what made him...him. He supposed this emptiness where his sense of self should be was yet another side effect of his wretched upbringing.
So now, he sat at home, attempting to list some things he was good at and failing miserably. He tried writing “funny”, but he didn’t know if Percy was just humoring him when he laughed at Monty’s jokes.
He was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice Percy perch next to him. “What are you writing?”
Monty jumped. “Mercy, darling, don’t do that! You scared me!”
“Sorry-” Percy started. “I’m trying to remember…”
Monty sighed. “It’s alright. Rome wasn’t built in a day.” He grinned before saying, “I’m just- what other than obligation and finding me attractive is there for me to offer you?”
Percy pulled back in surprise. “That’s a deep question.”
“Sorry,” Monty said, flushing a little. “I guess my head’s in a strange place today.”
Percy set Monty’s paper to the side and pulled him back against his chest, arms sliding around to rest against Monty’s middle. Being small had always been a reason for shame, but now, as Monty marveled at how safe he felt and twined his hand in Percy’s bigger one, it felt like he was made just for Percy. Like he belonged here.
Percy said, in his good ear, “Well...you’re stubborn, which means no matter what, any problem we have, you figure out a way to plow through it. And you’re all or nothing, which means even though none of this comes easy, you were brave enough to do it anyway. And you’re trying. You can’t see how much you’ve changed, but I can and I love you. I see how much you’re learning to love, even though it’s new.”
Monty turned and kissed Percy soundly on the mouth. He still wasn’t good with words, but this was a language he spoke well. And thankfully, Percy was fluent.