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Dennis was sitting on the plane during descent, his body seemingly relaxed, both arms down on the arm rests. However, his hands gripped the ends of it in a way that wasn't usual for him; it wasn't that he scared, oh no, not at all. But he was coming home for the first time in two and a half years.
Stop it, he scolded himself, even though he looked passively out the window as the wheels bumped against the smooth tarmac. Nothing to be scared about at all.
It was true, Dennis had missed his friends. They were like his family. But he was the one who had sold his home, picked up, and left for Europe, doing exactly what he wanted to do - travel around, develop his photographer's eye, do something with his love for photography beyond taking pictures of the same friends he always saw, the same places he always went. It wasn't a decision that he regretted, not in the slightest. He'd loved it far too much to do that. And he had exactly what he wanted - he was making a living from it.
But it had been far too long since he'd been home. Since he'd seen his friends, his family.
Dennis wondered how much things would be different, and how much they would be the same. It was true, there was this little part of him, this little voice in the back of his mind, that would be smug and righteous if everything had stayed the same; then he'd know for sure that he was (had been) right to get away when he had. Then again, there was that other voice, a lot more scared and worried, that would be sad if everything had changed. If everything had changed, and he'd missed it.
The emails had been numerous at first, pouring into his email inbox daily, from everyone he knew, even those he didn't know that well. Those were the ones that stopped the soonest, the 'acquaintances'. But, eventually, even his close group of friends didn't email him as frequently. Oh, they still did send him messages but it didn't seem quite as much as when he'd first left. Out of sight, out of mind... but not completely. Dennis wasn't ready to let go of them completely. He didn't find the time to email nearly as often as he should have either, but he'd send out mass emails of his adventures, and private ones to specific people if the occasion called for it. And they always responded. That made him feel more confident about it, that their friendships remained intact.
But, it was time to come home. As he had told his friends when he started planning this trip home, turning thirty wasn't something even capturing the Eiffel Tower, the Colosseum, or some random beautiful vineyard could possibly make him feel any better.
Thirty. He was going to turn thirty. And what did he have to show for himself?
Plenty.
Time to go home, he thought to himself as the plane started to de-board.
Hopefully, he could still think of it as that.
***
"Oh, come on, Jack," Patrick said, holding out the carrot stick to the toddler. "It's good for you. You want to grow up big and strong and butch, just like your mommies, don't you?"
"Paaa-trick," Dennis said, scolding lightly though he was smiling. "Do you really think you should speak like that in front of him?"
"Leslie hates it," Patrick said, a little too gleefully. But truth be told, Dennis had noticed on the drive over to the park that when Patrick spoke of Leslie, he lacked the cutting edge to his voice he had once had. Perhaps her being the mother to his child, or rather him being the father to her and his sister's child, did that to a person.
After Jack threw the carrot to the ground with a giggle, they decided to move over to the swings, Patrick holding his son's hand as the boy's diapered butt waddled back and forth as he tried to step his own way through the sand. And then Daddy picked him up carefully, strapping him into the little bucket seat designed for a child that size. Dennis took his own seat on one of the Big Boy swings, as Patrick said with a laugh, and swung back and forth lightly, listening attentively to the stories that Patrick told him. The first time he tried to change Jack's diaper. The first time he was left alone with Jack. Jack's first attempt at standing. Patrick and Jack's first trip to this very park. And so on and so forth.
It still seemed like a bit of a messed up situation, at least to Dennis, but he couldn't help but notice - Patrick looked honestly happy. There was something different to his smile, and the look in his eyes. Patrick had finally found the male to make him happy, to love and to love him back, but it hadn't come in the form of a relationship, but instead in his own bouncing baby boy.
Even if it was the baby boy of his sister's lesbian lover. But, whatever.
Dennis couldn't help but interject, because as much as he wanted to hear about Baby Jack (and he really did), he couldn't help but wonder, "You ever see the guys much?"
Patrick looked over sharply. "Well, yeah. Of course."
"Oh, okay," Dennis said, thrown off a bit. It didn't sound like Patrick wanted to say anything more about it.
Patrick must have noticed Dennis' reaction, because he just grinned a little and shrugged. "I figured they would fill in their own stories, you know. You're going to hear them over and over if I start telling them."
Dennis noticed there was something there in Patrick's voice, but he didn't want to push it. So he laughed. "Good point. I'm sure I'll hear all about it." Eventually.
"Hasn't Superstar Cole filled you in?" Patrick asked.
"I wouldn't count a bit part on a soap opera as a superstar," Dennis said, rolling his eyes.
"So then you haven't talked to him," Patrick muttered under his breath and he gave another push to Jack's swing. Jack laughed and clapped his hands.
Dennis smiled at the child, and then made a face, causing another giggle. But he looked over at Patrick. "I've barely seen him. He picked me up at the airport, gave me a set of keys to his house, and dropped me off." It was weird, being the one staying with Cole, but apparently his bit part was fruitful enough that he had bought himself a place. A pretty nice place, too. "I think he's finishing wrapping up some scenes or something."
"Yeah, he is pretty busy on the B-list celebrity circuit," Patrick finally relented. "He doesn't come around as much anymore. But he still does," he put in quickly, as if it was important to do so. "We all try to meet at Jack's - the restaurant, obviously," Patrick said unnecessarily of his son's namesake, "-every week or two."
"You guys still play ball?" Dennis asked.
Patrick laughed. "Someone tried to organize it the first year after Jack was gone, but. Well, there's no one who put as much effort into the team as he did."
"That's too bad," Dennis said.
"Yeah." Patrick paused, then shook it off with a smile and another goofy look at his son, who giggled more. "Come on, I've got to get him back to his mommies soon."
"Sure thing," Dennis said, pushing himself up off the swing. "Hey, you're coming Friday, right?"
"Wouldn't miss it for anything," Patrick said with a smile.
Dennis threw an arm around his shoulder. "Good."
***
"I'm sure you heard aaaaall about the baby," Howie said. He put down the coffee cup in his hand. "As much as I love Patrick, it's all he talks about these days."
It was the day after Dennis had spent time with Patrick and Jack, and he was now sitting at a little table at a coffee shop with Howie. Much like Patrick, Howie looked exactly the same as when Dennis had left; thin and small, with his short hair and thick glasses.
"I did," Dennis answered. "Cute kid."
"Have I told you my theory about that whole messed up situation? I sat in on this lecture last week about the effects on children of lesbians and how the sperm donor's presence in the child's life affects them."
"Screws them up?" Dennis suggested. "And didn't you graduate last year with your masters? Why were you sitting in on a lecture?"
Howie reached out and tapped his index finger against the table top. "It's important to keep up, Dennis, how long have I been telling you guys this?" Howie said, indignant. "I don't think anything in that lecture really supported this particular case," he conceded. "But, look at them. It's not the typical family-- it doesn't have to be for a child to be raised properly and loved, I took another whole lecture series on how homosexual couples, female or male do a fine job of that on their own, thank you very much-- but he's the child's father and uncle, in technical terms."
"But not biologically both. I don't think they have a lecture series on that case working out at all," Dennis said, trying hard to keep a straight face.
Howie huffed. "Don't be ridiculous, Dennis. I am bringing up serious points here."
"How's Marshall?" Dennis asked smoothly, trying to redirect his friend. That certainly hadn't changed-- Howie still spouted and discussed theories on anything that had to do with homosexuality.
"He's great. We're great. We're going to buy a house. Our own house. Together," Howie said. And he continued, in his quick speech patterns, to discuss Marshal, his new job, their plans on moving, and even the new things they had decided to try in the bedroom to spice up their sex life.
Now, that was different. Dennis engaged in the conversation, certainly, but the whole time he couldn't help but notice this change in Howie. It was only around the time Dennis had been leaving that Howie had finally been comfortable in his relationship and was more open with it. This? This was definitely a big step forward for him.
"You know, Belgium and the Netherlands have legalized gay marriages," Dennis put in, when Howie finally asked how Europe had been.
Howie's face became serious. With one finger, he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and with the same finger, repeated his actions of earlier by tapping it on the table top twice.
Dennis knew exactly what that meant, and was not surprised by Howie's next words.
"Let me tell you about the state of gay marriages in this country of ours."
***
"Tell me, there is no place in Europe as fantastic as this, right? Of course there isn't," Taylor said, as he swept into the little office in the back of Jack's.
Dennis found himself pleased that the name of the restaurant hadn't changed, and that Taylor was still the manager of the place. He knew this, from his email conversations, but it made him feel better to be there and see it.
Dennis wasn't sure how he did it, but Taylor managed to flit about the small office space, organizing papers and stacking things, his hands gesturing all around as he spoke to Dennis.
Finally, he sat down in the chair across from Dennis, becoming very still. He reached one hand out, and placed it dramatically on Dennis' knee. "I have a secret," he said in a stage whisper. "I haven't told anyone yet but it just got confirmed, so I just... I need to tell someone."
"And you're going to tell me?" Dennis asked, teasingly. "Taylor, I'm touched."
"Oh, you're going back to Europe before it happens, so I want you to know now," Taylor said, patting his knee. "Can you keep a secret?"
"I can," Dennis answered, knowing he was already sitting on one of his own. What was adding Taylor's to it? Besides, Dennis knew it wasn't like Taylor would be keeping it for very long anyway. As Howie would have said, that would have been a scientific impossibility.
Taylor drew his hand back, and both of them steepled in front of his mouth, and he looked as if he was going to burst. Finally, he flung out his arms, and said quite loudly, "Purple Guy is going to sell me Jack's. I'm going to own it!"
"Taylor! That's fantastic!" Dennis exclaimed with honest enthusiasm, and caught Taylor in his arms as the other man flung himself at him. He gave him a very tight hug, and Taylor squeezed him back just as much.
"It is fantastic, isn't it?" Taylor asked as he drew away, his voice high pitched with excitement. "My own! I'll be a business owner!"
"That's great, Taylor, it is," Dennis said, happily. "You up for the challenge? It's a big thing."
"Oh, I've told you," Taylor said, swatting at the air lightly, "I've been taking classes. Kevin and I took some together. Of course, he's continuing his studies to move on to bigger and better things," he said, waving his hand dismissively, "but, working here for the last several years and managing for three, I know more then enough to make this place run."
"I'm sure you do," Dennis said placating, because he didn't mean anything against Taylor at all. "And, congrats. That really is awesome."
"Thank you, honey. I'm so excited!"
"So I can tell," Dennis said with a laugh. But, because the name was mentioned and he couldn't help it, and for some reason the name had become something like a taboo this week, he asked, "How is Kevin?"
"Oh, he's great, I think. Still working here, but only part time, like I said he's going to school. Howie convinced him of that, I'm pretty sure, but he's enjoying it. Don't worry, I made sure we both have Friday night off for the big Three-Oh birthday party, you oldie you," Taylor said with a laugh. "Now, what do you think, as soon as this place is mine... should I redo those bathrooms? I always imagined a set up where you could get any kind of scented hand lotion you wanted, for after you wash your hands, you know? I hate having dried out hands and I think it would be a nice touch..."
Dennis listened to Taylor's plans for the place, his ideas that made it his own but still left it Jack's, and added to them when he could get a word in edgewise.
***
"So, what's up with Kevin?" Dennis asked Benji.
For some reason, it seemed that his friends were avoiding talking about each other with him, for the most part, but they all really avoided talking about Kevin. Nothing much beyond the fact that Benji and Kevin had become close friends because they were roommates now, and that if Dennis wanted to know anything he should talk to Benji. (No one thought to mention that he should just talk to Kevin himself, although Dennis had already left the younger man two messages. He wasn't going to do it again.)
"What do you mean, what's up?" Benji asked, taking a sip of his water. "Should we up it a level?"
Benji had brought Dennis along on a guest pass to the gym, which Dennis was actually quite grateful for because he hadn't really gone all week. Well, Cole had a whole equipment room set up in his place, but it wasn't the same, and Cole told him that if he adjusted any of the settings he had to put them back exactly because they were right where they needed to be for the tough work out routine the trainer had him on. So he hadn't touched it other than using the treadmill twice.
Besides, this was the gym, the exact old one that Dennis used to go to when he lived here, and it was a chance to see Benji.
"I meant, I don't know. No one's talking about him. I think I get why, but..."
"Yeah, your thing," Benji agreed. He pushed up a piece of brown hair that was sweeping into his eyes. If anyone's looks had changed, it was Benji's. Well, he was still tall and skinny but buff, but it was definitely the hair that made him look different. ("The bleach blond is so 2001," Benji had informed him.) It was a natural light brown now, with a few blond streaks in it sure, but it was grown out a bit more too into a stylish shag.
"Right. Our thing," Dennis said flatly.
"Don't get pissy at me that no one knows what to say," Benji added, but he grinned. "Don't worry, Kevin's doing okay."
"Broke up with that boyfriend he had, right?" Dennis said, although he knew the answer on that. "The timing-"
"Had nothing to do with you," Benji cut off, glancing over at him. "It was, like, a month before we even knew you were coming for a visit. Why, did you want it to be?"
"I didn't say that," Dennis said. "I just wanted to make sure."
"You should really talk to Kevin about this." Finally, somebody said it. "Besides, Dennis... you're going back to Europe, right?"
"You're right, I should do it myself. Sorry." Dennis paused for a moment, then grinned slyly. "Though, I heard there's a new newbie at Structure."
"God," Benji groaned. "Don't get me started on his abs."
"Bringing him Friday?"
"To Cole's house?"
"Good point."
Benji's face lit up with that wide smile of his. "Oh my god, did you hear about Taylor? He's buying Jack's!"
Dennis couldn't help but laugh.
***
"You really don't think it'll happen?" Dennis asked loudly, shoving a forkful of egg into his mouth.
"What?" Cole yelled, and then turned off the blender and dumping his breakfast protein shake into a class. "What was that?"
Dennis had found out that the only time he could see Cole was if he got up at ass o'clock in the morning to eat breakfast for him. Or, at least, for this week. His schedule was pretty much free the next. Oh, the life of a soap opera recurring character.
"You don't think you'll end up, I don't know, typecast with taking that role?"
"Am I going to look down on that first steady paying acting job I've gotten?" Cole asked, raising his eyebrows. "No, I'm not."
"But... it's just the pretty face thing again, isn't it?"
Cole shrugged. "It's experience."
"Slowly working your way up?"
"Hey, in this town, some of us have to do that. We're not all eighteen and marketable to a bunch of tweenie boppers, you know."
"Touche," Dennis said, grinning. But it quickly turned into a thoughtful frown. "Cole? Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Do you still see the guys? And what the hell is up with everybody?"
Cole stopped the sip of shake he was taking and put his glass down, eyebrows raised. "What do you mean?"
"I don't know, they didn't talk about each other much. Are they not friends anymore?" This actually worried Dennis. He knew that the common denominator of all of his friends was, well, him mostly, but they were each other's friends too.
But, Cole rolled his eyes. "I told them they were being stupid," Cole said. "Look, they made this pact. They knew you were only here for two weeks and they didn't want to make you feel bad for missing out on stuff, and they each wanted to tell you their own stories, so they told each other they would just stick to themselves. Or something," Cole tried to explain, but waved his hand dismissively. "Sometimes I don't get their schemes."
"But you're still friends with them?"
"Yes! Well, okay," Cole said, having the decency to look at least a little bit abashed. "I don't see them as much as I should, or as much as if you were still around. But I still do!" he added on quickly. He shrugged. "Things stayed the same but they were different, after you left. Does that make sense?"
"Not at all," Dennis said, with a grin. "But I feel a little bit more at ease now. I thought things would be different when I got back."
"But you haven't told them yet, have you?" Cole asked.
Dennis shook his head. "I don't know for sure yet."
The secret Dennis had been keeping, that he only shared the day before with Cole at breakfast, was that he was in town for more then his thirtieth birthday. While he had been enjoying Europe, he also had been looking for a more permanent job. One that had to do with photography. There just happened to be a couple he had applied for here in California, L.A. even, that he'd been accepted for interviews for, and to display his portfolio and such. He'd been able to set it up so that both of them happened earlier that week, and it just so happened that the dates had fallen around his birthday. That was why he had planned the trip home, more then anything, but used his birthday as a cover excuse.
But, he didn't tell any of them he might be staying home. Just in case.
"Hear from anyone at all yet?" Cole asked, echoing Dennis' thoughts.
"Not yet."
"Then it's just as well you haven't said anything," Cole said. "You know how they are."
Dennis nodded. He did know how they were.
***
Dennis was surprised with the number of people who had shown up for the party at Cole's. There were a lot of familiar faces, those acquaintances and sorta-friends from the past, as well as his close group of friends. And a whole lot of people he didn't know at all, but he figured Cole knew quite a few people now. Some of the guys looked rather impressed at some of them so he figured they might even be some of Cole's cast mates, but he wasn't absolutely sure. He was a bit out of the loop when it came to soap operas now.
Dennis made his rounds around the party, making sure to spend time saying hello to everybody and catching up as well as he could with limited time and multiple people. He stopped by to talk and gossip with his friends, and any dates or significant others they had brought. Howie and Marshal, Benji (who did end up bringing his newbie), Taylor and his date, and Patrick who had brought his sister Anne and her partner, Leslie (they'd gotten a babysitter for Jack that night.) Everyone was there, and Dennis was very busy trying to get to everybody.
Someone he kept missing in the crowd was Kevin. He didn't even know if Kevin came with anybody. Every time he picked him out in the crowd, someone else would stop Dennis to say hello and give him a hug, or some other greeting.
Finally, a little while before midnight, Cole turned down the music and got up on the couch, calling everyone's attention.
"We all know why we're here, and it's because Dennis is turning Old," Cole started, getting hoots and hollers from the crowd.
Dennis was standing with his friends, and he got an elbow in the ribs from Taylor, and a clap on the back from Patrick. Dennis made a show of rolling his eyes at Cole and swatting a hand through the air. "Yeah, yeah, get on with it," Dennis said sarcastically.
Cole grinned more as the laughter died down. "But we're also here to visit a friend who has been away for a little while, and it's great having him home." There was a burst of cheers and clapping throughout the room. "And I really couldn't have anything better to say then that, so... I'll leave it to the birthday boy."
Dennis muttered under his breath, "Oh, he didn't..." But as a chant started (Dennis! Dennis!) and he was being shoved by his so called friends. So Dennis hopped up on the couch and his eyes scanned the room. They fell for a brief second on Kevin, who was standing at the back of the room, but quickly moved on.
"I just want to thank everyone for coming," Dennis started, and grinned. "I don't know if I should be going the funny route, or just the sappy one..."
"Funny!" someone called from the back of the room, and everyone did end up laughing.
"I'll leave that to the comedians," he said. "All I really have to say is... I'm ignoring turning old, so I'm not going to toast to that. I flat out refuse it. Besides, everyone knows I'll be twenty-five forever." He grinned. But he held up a glass, and everyone followed. "So, instead of this being my birthday party... it can be my welcome home party. Because, gentlemen-"
"Hey!" someone called out.
"-And lady... ladies?..." Dennis paused dramatically, and you could hear a pin drop through the room. "I'm back to stay, baby."
The room erupted into a loud cheer, and Dennis looked over to see the astonished (yet happy) looks on his friends' faces. He glanced over to where Kevin was standing, but found that the younger man had disappeared. Again.
Thankfully, someone had turned on the music, so Dennis hopped down, making his way through the crowd. He did get many nods and 'welcome back's' and pats on the back along the way, but he was trying to get to his friends.
Who immediately circled him and bombarded him with questions.
"Oh my god, you didn't say anything!" Taylor exclaimed, jumping up and down and clapping his hands in front of himself like a seal.
"Very cool," Howie added, "but what is going on? Why aren't you going back? You said you were!"
Benji said, "If you let him get in a word edgewise, I bet he'd tell us."
"Or maybe he won't, because we've all been assholes," Patrick added.
They all nodded.
"Yeah... what was up with that?" Dennis asked.
"You weren't going to be staying! We were... afraid," Taylor said.
"Classic projection," Howie started. "You see, we thought--"
Patrick interrupted, "Who cares what we thought. Dennis! Tell us!"
Cole walked up behind him, "You totally got the job, didn't you?"
And in four different voices, the word job was yelled at him.
Dennis held up his hands. "I had a couple interviews this week and I got a call today. I have a job. As a photographer! For a very important-"
Taylor interjected, "You're staying? You're staying and you never told us!"
"Listen, bitches," Dennis said playfully, enjoying the look on each and every one of their faces. "I didn't know for sure. I very well might not have got it. And then maybe I would have gone back, and I didn't want to get everyone's hopes up-"
It took another ten minutes of talking to convince the guys it was the right thing to have done, and once they got over being put-out that he didn't tell them, they all seemed very happy. Finally, Dennis was able to sneak away from them (though they didn't seem as if they wanted to let him out of their sight) and tried to get some space. He just needed a bit of space for a moment, he told himself.
Though, in reality, he knew exactly where he was going, and who he was looking for. And he found him right where he thought he would-- in the kitchen. It was their thing.
"Kevin," Dennis said as he entered. Kevin looked up from where he was leaning against the counter.
"Dennis. Hi."
Dennis paused for a moment, but he didn't want to act as if things were weird-- even though there was the weird vibe going on. He walked over to Kevin, and gently and incredibly platonically, put his arms around him. "I tried calling you this week," he said as he let go and stepped away.
"I know, I'm sorry. Things have been crazy." Kevin stood there, his arms still crossed in front of him. As if he was protecting himself against something. Against Dennis, maybe.
Dennis asked outright. "Have you been ignoring me? 'Cause the other guys told me about their stupid pact."
Kevin gave a little half grin, but it quickly faded. "Mine was different. More. Or something."
"I don't understand."
Kevin sighed, and uncrossed his arms, though he turned around and leaned against the counter, hands gripping tight around the edges of it. "You weren't supposed to be back. Like, back back. Just a visit back. I didn't want... I just thought distance would be better." He glanced over at Dennis. "You told me to catch up, and I did."
"And then some," Dennis offered. By the sounds of it, Kevin had been in a more serious relationship, and longer, then any that Dennis had ever been in. And was now, consequently, dealing with the heartache of it.
Kevin nodded, and looked down. But then he glanced over at Dennis strongly, as if he needed him to know this. Really needed. "I couldn't be left behind. Not again. I couldn't do it."
Dennis nodded. "I understand that part." And he really did. He stood beside Kevin, and put one hand on his shoulder. "I told you, I'd be back."
"And I told you I'd be here," Kevin said. But he didn't relent any, soften up to Dennis' touch, so Dennis dropped his hand. It was as if Kevin was afraid of him or something, or guarding himself against him. That disappointed Dennis, but he couldn't blame him. He really couldn't.
"I should head back to the party," Dennis said softly, and turned away from Kevin, trying to give the other man the space he obviously wanted.
"Wait," Kevin said, and reached out, though he dropped his hand.
Dennis turned back to him. "Yes?"
Kevin looked like he was a loss for words, but he glanced over at the little clock on the stove. "Your birthday is almost over," he said, and smiled at Dennis knowingly. An inner joke from three years ago, that Dennis would never forget for as long as he lived. Kevin added, "Did you make your wish?"
Dennis smiled. "Kevin. The wish has never changed. Not once in three years."
Finally, Kevin stepped into him and put his arms around him, holding him tight, and Dennis accept the embrace, returning it wholeheartedly.
"You're really back," Kevin said quietly.
"I really am."
"We should talk soon."
"If you let me do that," Dennis said playfully, and pulled away, smiling. "I would love to. Dinner tomorrow?"
Kevin nodded. "I'd like that."
"Me too."
Dennis stepped away and hooked a thumb over his shoulder. "I really should."
"Yeah, for sure," Kevin said, gesturing to the door. He had a genuine smile on his face. "Later?"
"Yes. Later. We'll talk."
Kevin nodded. "Talking. Absolutely. Dennis?"
"Yeah?"
Kevin smiled. "Welcome back."
"It's good to be back," Dennis said, returning the smile. "Back in my life."
~end