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They’re somewhere between Mejiro and Takadanobaba when Steven realizes he’s fucked.
It’s the last train of the night so it’s packed, full to the brim with human beings in a way that Steven had always read about but never really believed to be possible until now. His back is pressed up on the glass of the conductor’s cabin, and he’s half-standing against, half-sitting on the support bar, gripping onto it with both hands.
Andrew’s standing right up on him because Andrew is blocked in and has nowhere else to go. It’s not like Andrew would have picked getting into a stranger’s personal space. Logically, Steven is his best option.
There are no free straps or handles, so instead Andrew’s got one hand stretched out next to Steven’s head to keep himself steady.
With every bump of the track, Andrew’s leg hits the inside of Steven’s knee.
There are a lot of bumps.
I’m drunk, Steven tells himself, and he is. They’ve been bar hopping all night because it’s Tokyo and there’s no nightlife in the world like the nightlife in Tokyo, even if Steven is a lightweight.
Adam and Rie are there, too. In fact, Rie is standing right next to Steven, protected and comfortable in the corner. Her eyes are closed; she’s had a long day. Adam is against the side of the train car, and he’s staring out the window.
A part of Steven wishes they had gotten separated in the crowd.
I’m very drunk, Steven repeats, though he’s not, not really. He is tipsy, and he knows his face is flushed pink so anyone who looks at him can tell he’s been drinking.
Like Andrew, who is staring him down.
“You hanging in there, tough guy?” Andrew asks with an amused smile, but there’s an uncertainty to the tone that is too dang precious for Steven to handle.
“Yep,” Steven lazily pops the ‘p’ sound when he answers. He’s definitely not okay.
The train jolts on the track, nothing major, but it makes Andrew sway against him. When Andrew adjusts his arm to regain equilibrium, his fingers are nearly touching Steven’s ear. Steven stops himself, barely, from tilting his head into the crook of Andrew’s wrist.
His eyes travel up the length of Andrew’s arm, across Andrew’s shoulder, and it’s so distinctly masculine even under his loose t-shirt that Steven can’t deny that he’s looking at another guy in a way he’s always been taught he shouldn’t.
I'm not gay, he tells himself, and it’s not his fault that Andrew is so ridiculously good looking.
“You’re so ridiculously good looking,” he says out loud by accident. He hopes that it will be dismissed as a classic quirky Steven oneliner, but the words are loud enough that Adam clears his throat and Rie raises one half-asleep eyebrow.
Andrew is clearly puzzled, but he grins with his teeth for a moment before answering: “Thank you?” He keeps his voice soft, because despite how many people are crammed into such a small space, the train car is otherwise silent.
All that Steven can manage to respond with is a frustrated grunt. He shakes his head to try and clear his mind.
Jen is gay. Curly is gay. Nick is gay. Nikki is gay. Jazzmyne is gay. Chris is gay… and they’re all his friends. And that’s fine, they can all be gay. But he’s not, because he’s got his religion and his solid values and a beautiful girlfriend (#strongdistance!), so he absolutely has never gotten a boner while thinking about how nice it would be to have Andrew kiss him.
Shit.
The train stops. Some people get off. Some people get on. Some people stay where they are. Steven stays where he is, and Andrew does, too, despite the fact that the guy that had been standing next to him is no longer there and there’s plenty of space to move over. Either Andrew hasn’t noticed that he can move away, or he doesn’t want to.
Steven hopes it’s the latter.
“Two more stops until Shinjuku,” Rie informs them with her eyes still closed. Adam keeps still.
Andrew has not averted his gaze. It won’t be long now before they’re back at the hotel, and because Buzzfeed could only stretch their budget so far, and space is a hot commodity in Japan they’re sharing the tiniest room ever. There’s going to be no avoiding this, whatever this is.
Steven doesn’t think he wants to, even if he could.
The train starts up again. Although the ride is smooth, Andrew’s knee is now resting conclusively against Steven’s thigh, and it no longer seems like it’s accidental. It’s like Andrew’s making him a promise.
Andrew leans in, corners of his mouth upturned into a subtle smile as he whispers:
“Two more stops until Shinjuku.”