Work Text:
Talk to Me Baby (let's go crazy-crazy)
GROUP CHAT (The Greatest People You Will Ever Meet)
God is a Girl: Okay, sound off, who’s not dead?
Disney Princess: What’s with the new nicknames?
God is a Girl: Fuck, who’s who?
Glitter Boi: Drunk Farid is dead to me. Sober Farid is Dead to Me. I’m dead. The alcohol killed me.
Regina George: Seriously, Farid? My nickname’s a crappy Mean Girls reference?
Glitter Boi: Fuck u, Tony, u made me ‘Glitter Boi’
Disney Princess: Seriously, who is who?
‘Regina George’ just changed their nickname to ‘Tony’
Tony: Tony.
‘Glitter Boi’ just changed ‘Tony’s’ nickname to ‘Boo, you whore’
Boo, you whore: DAMMIT, FARID
‘Boo, you whore’ just changed their nickname to ‘I need new friends’
‘I need new friends’ just changed ‘Glitter Boi’s’ nickname to ‘Dead to Me’
God is a Girl: WHO IS WHO, I AM NOT ASKING AGAIN
Dead to Me: Farid
I need new friends: Tony
Disney Princess: Alyssa
God is a Girl: Adela
I need new friends: Yeah, that one we figured out
Dead to Me: The cyber-yelling
I need new friends: Big hint
Disney Princess: Can we all agree to never drink this much again on a Monday night?
Dead to Me: y do u care? U can’t get hungover.
Disney Princess: My one superpower doesn’t have anything to do with this. I just think getting wine-drunk on a Monday was a bad idea for everyone and we should make better choices in the future. And the new nicknames are confusing.
Dead to Me: tldr
I need new friends: Do you think Keith will notice how hungover I am in rehearsal?
God is a Girl: No, he’s too busy fighting with Lotor and whatever weird thing Lance is up to.
I need new friends: Cool, I’m gonna nap in the green room. Text me before rehearsal.
God is a Girl: Not my job, but ok.
Dead to Me: tbh, New Director is annoying as fuck
God is a Girl: Lotor is a…uniquely driven individual
Dead to Me: Whatever, I’m Team Keith. What’s the deal with Theatre Mom?
Disney Princess: I thought you were too hungover to function.
Dead to Me: Yeah, then u made me curious
God is a Girl: Lance dropped off a lumpy, unfrosted rainbow confetti sprinkle birthday cake this morning with zero explanation and Keith’s been staring at it off and on all day.
I need new friends: Are they fighting or just being weird?
Disney Princess: I thought you were napping, you diva.
I need new friends: My phone kept buzzing because of you gossipy assholes
Dead to Me: Put it on silent
I need new friends: Are they fighting?
God is a Girl: I’m gonna go with they’re being weird in a harmless way. Because Keith just twitched, face-palmed, and left the office. He says we can have the cake if we want.
I need new friends: Cool, I’m gonna nap first.
Dead to Me: Remember to put your phone on silent.
Dead to Me: Or
Dead to Me: It
Dead to Me: Will
Dead to Me: Buzz
Dead to Me: Buzz
Dead to Me: Buzzzzzzz
God is a Girl: FARID, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU DON’T SWITCH TO MESSING WITH TONY OUTSIDE OF THE GROUP CHAT RIGHT NOW
Dead to Me: Oh, sorry
God is a Girl: YOU’D BETTER BE
Disney Princess: I think he’s put his phone on silent anyway.
Dead to Me: Whatever, more cake for us.
…
Keith calls Lance. “Did I forget an anniversary?”
“I mean, not really?”
“Then what’s with the cake?”
“I just saw it at the store yesterday and remembered what day it was today and thought it’d be fun.”
“What day is it today?”
“Keith, it’s no big deal if you don’t remember the exact day…”
“Is it…? Oh shit, I did forget an anniversary.”
“It’s not an anniversary!”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think this was a thing, fuck, okay, um…”
Lance sighs on the other end of the line, “Babe, it’s been like three years, we’ve never done anything to celebrate it before. I just saw it, remembered the date and thought it would be cute. Please don’t stress out about this.”
“Lance.” Keith is pacing and really hoping that Lance saying it’s okay means Lance really does think it’s okay and that there aren’t some lines he needs to be reading under, over or between because Keith is really, really bad at reading in and around lines of any kind. Keith is not a subtle person. He doesn’t do subtext. “Is it really okay? Are you actually upset I forgot something?”
“No!” Lance exclaims, “I was literally just trying to be playful and spontaneous, this is not a test of any kind. And I like to think that I’m not the kind of jerk who makes his husband jump through weird hoops to prove his devotion.”
Keith heaves a sigh of relief, “I didn’t think you were but…I worry.”
“Seriously, don’t worry. I just saw it and thought of you.”
A thought occurs to Keith. “Um. You won’t be mad if I give it to the kids, will you?”
“You gave it to the interns already, didn’t you?”
“Ex-interns, and you know I don’t actually like confetti cake, right?”
“Yes,” Lance sighs melodramatically, “I’m just sentimental.”
“Okay, cool. I love you. I’m gonna go make sure the children haven’t trashed my office. I’m pretty sure they went drinking last night. Adela seems a little hung-over and I just spotted Tony crashed in the green room.”
Lance laughs, “Good thing we’re nice theatre parents who give their foolish children cake instead of punishing them like they deserve.”
Keith crooks a smile, “Good thing.”
…
Keith is wholly and entirely responsible for the Cake Thing. Because Keith is a confirmed dumbass when it comes to interpersonal relationships. And while Keith is not Lance and does not have the exact date of the Cake Thing memorized he does remember what happened in vivid Technicolor detail.
Every embaressing bit of it.
…
Roughly Three Years Previously…
“Shiro, I’m an idiot.”
On the other end of the line his brother sighs, “Keith, you have to learn to be kind to yourself…”
“Shiro, you know how people say ‘oh, I lost your number’ when you’ve been on one date and they never called you back but you see them in a McDonald’s and you can’t get away from each other because you’re both trapped in line and they have to explain themselves somehow but you know they’re lying and actually they’re just not into you but social convention and inefficient fast food staff have trapped you in the line that never ends so they have to say something when you ask why they never gave you a call? So they say ‘oh, I lost your number, silly me’ and it’s super awkward until you can finally get your jumbo fries and escape?”
Dead silence and then, “I worry about you sometimes, Keith.”
“I LOST HIS NUMBER, SHIRO.”
“What? Whose number? Oh my god, you don’t mean ER guy, do you?”
Keith huffs, irritated, “Yes. I don’t know how this happened. I never lose phone numbers. I never lose anything. Half my job is maintaining lists of contact information!”
“Why didn’t you put it in your phone?”
“I accidentally wiped it when I tried to reboot it and I didn’t save it anywhere else.” Keith says misterably, “I had a really nice time with him,” he admits in a small voice, “And now I’ve screwed it up not calling him back.”
“He literally lives next door, just go over there,” Shiro sounds like his patience is wearing thin.
“No, that’d be weird,” Keith protests.
“Then I’ve got nothing,” Shiro sighs, “But seriously, you live next door to each other, it’ll be hard to miss each other. Just explain everything to him the next time you see him, preface it all with how much fun you had on your last date and make it very clear you want another one and oh, hey, if you could get his number again that’d be great.”
Keith is nodding along. This sounds a lot less potentially-stalkerish-looking than the knocking-on-his-door alternative.
Awesome. He has a plan.
…
The next time he sees Lance, Keith is at a grocery store, pretending he’s a real adult that buys real food, but is actually snapping pictures of all the most ridiculous cake mixes he can find and sending the images to Shiro. He glances up from a box of rainbow confetti birthday cake (he’s not sure what gives it the unique ‘birthday’ taste but he suspects a lot of sugar is involved) only to see the back of Lance’s head as he goes to exit the store.
Keith’s brain short-circuits. That’s the only explanation for why he suddenly thinks it’s a great idea to bolt across a grocery store, cake mix still in hand, after his neighbor/date.
He doesn’t even do the sensible thing, which would have probably involved something along the lines of calling Lance’s name or getting his attention in a way that wasn’t chasing him down like a gazelle on the savannah while clutching a cardboard box of cake mix he doesn’t even like. Instead, Keith just gives chase like a dumbass.
He catches up to Lance in the parking lot and it’s not until they’re only a few feet away from each other that Keith bothers to say “Hey, Lance.”
Lance turns toward him. His face, usually open and expressive, seems to almost stutter upon seeing him, bright eyes shuttering slightly, putting some metaphorical distance between the two of them.
“Hey…Keith…fancy seeing you here.”
“You, date, me.” Keith says in a useless word jumble, “I mean, shit, um, a date would be nice? Another one, I mean. I liked the first one and I wanted to ask you out but…um…”
“You don’t have to make excuses or talk like a caveman, Keith, we’re not gonna be mortal enemies just because you weren’t interested…”
“I am interested, you poptart!”
“Did you just call me a poptart?!”
“WOULD YOU PREFER TOASTER STRUDEL?”
“YES, I WOULD, IT HAS MORE DIGNITY.”
“FINE, THEN, WOULD YOU GO OUT WITH ME, YOU RIDICULOUS TOASTER STRUDEL?”
“WHY? WHY ARE YOU ASKING NOW? WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL?”
“I LOST YOUR NUMBER LIKE A JACKASS AND I’M SORRY.”
Lance blinks at him, “Seriously?”
“I deleted everything off my phone on accident and couldn’t recover your number and knocking on your door seemed weird so I figured I’d…um…ask you…casually? The next time I saw you?”
Lance stares at him for a long moment, apparently completely at a loss, “Why are you holding a box of rainbow confetti cake mix?”
“I accidentally shoplifted it, I think. I kind of just ran after you. I should probably, um, pay for it and apologize and shit.”
And that’s when Lance just starts laughing hysterically in the middle of a grocery store parking lot. “Oh my McFreakin’ god. Oh my – Keith. Why are you like this?”
“Uh, is that a no to the second date?”
“Gimme your phone so I can give you my number before you go and pay for the cake mix you stole, you heathen.”
“Oh, uh, okay.”
“And for the record, I really liked our first date too. I’d be down for a repeat.”
Keith gives him a small smile, “Good.”
…
Keith has to apologize profusely to the store and pay full price for the cake mix even though it was discounted for a sale. He is still encouraged to shop elsewhere in the future.
Meanwhile, Pidge takes one look at Lance after hearing this story and says, with a completely straight face, “Lance, I think that’s the gayest thing that’s ever happened to you. Good for you, man.”
The next day a misshapen, frosting-less rainbow confetti cake shows up on their doorstep with a note.
Hey Lance,
I don’t really like confetti cake and ‘birthday cake’ isn’t a flavor so the whole brand is dumb, but the store made me buy it after I accidentally stole it yesterday. I…really like you. And I didn’t want our first date to be our last because I fucked up my phone. Does dinner at 7pm Saturday sound good?
Keith
“I take it back,” Pidge says upon seeing note and rainbow confetti cake, “That is the gayest thing that’s ever happened to you. Congratulations.”
Lance gets dinner at 7pm on Saturday with Keith. The confetti cake is delicious.
…
Present Day
“So is there a story behind the confetti cake thing?” Adela asks in the office after Farid and Alyssa have been by.
“Yes,” Keith says blandly, poking at his own slice.
Silence and then, “What’s the story?”
Keith takes a measured bite of cake. “I lost Lance’s number after our first date so I didn’t call him afterward. When I saw him in a grocery store I chased him down in the parking lot to get a second date. And I accidentally stole some cake mix in the process. I think Lance is feeling sentimental or something.”
Adela is smiling softly at him, “I think it’s sweet.”
Keith’s lips tip upward at the corners in a soft smile, “It really is,” as quick as it comes, the soft expression vanishes, “Now get back to work. And remind your friends, no more drinking on Monday nights. That’ll really mess with your head.”
Adela snorts, “Sure thing, boss.”
Keith takes another bite of cake and thinks about shoplifting and overly sugary cake and how love is a funny thing. He reaches for his phone.
To: Waking Up in Vegas
Thank you for being sappy
So I don’t have to
To: KEEEEEITH
I love you, babe.
Gotta remind you sometimes
To: Waking Up in Vegas
Love you
Hate confetti cake
To: KEEEEEITH
I’ll take what I can get :)