Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“He’s late,” Doc grumbled, rapping his fingers against the table.

“It’s Griff, are you surprised?” Buddy mumbled back, head in his hands, Baby’s left earbud tucked in his ear.

“If you don’t see me again, it’s because I’m dead,” Baby quoted absentmindedly, adjusting his sunglasses. Darling rolled her eyes as both Doc and Buddy turned to the elevator expectantly, glaring in awkward silence.

The room was still, and with only the quiet echoing of Baby’s music to fill the space, the tension began to build, and Buddy found himself holding his breath. They all anxiously watched the elevator as it began to whirl, staring at the numbers as they slowly increased.

With a charming small ding, Griff strolled casually out of the elevator, stopping in his tracks as everyone sighed out in relief. “What?”

“You’re late,” Doc grumbled, turning back towards the board. Everyone settled back into normal positions as Griff sat down slowly.

“I scared you, didn’t I? Oh, that’s hilarious,” Griff said grinning wildly.

“Alright Schrodinger’s idiot-“

“-HEY-“

“-Time to listen up.”

Griff fumed quietly while Doc went over the plan, listing off the location of the bank and the dress code, which included what was apparently Darling’s “favorite shade of maroon”, and devil masks from some Halloween shop just out of the city.

“Questions? Alright get out of here.”

“If you don’t see me again-“

“-no-“ Buddy grumbled.

“-It’s cuz I’m dead,” Griff wiggled his fingers spookily as he walked backwards toward the elevator, kicking the button and walking on without any hesitation. Everyone glared wearingly as the elevator doors shut.

“Is it bad that I’m tempted to kill him, just so I don’t get paranoid?” Darling wondered out loud as everyone turned to her. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“He’s late, again,” Darling mumbled, pulling at her cheeks and dragging her lower eyelids down.

“He’ll be here…” Buddy mumbled getting into the backseat with her. Baby quietly tapped his fingers on the steering wheel.

“He’s doing it on purpose,” she groaned, leaning back into the seat.

“Probably,” Buddy agreed, leaning back and tucking his arm behind her. They sat in silence for a few minutes before they heard knocking on the door.

“Sup bitches,” Griff chimed as he jumped in the passenger seat. Baby quickly started the car, racing down the ramp to make up for lost time.

“You’re late again,” Buddy grumbled.

“Traffic’s a bitch,” Griff replied, moving the seat up slightly and putting on the seatbelt as they pulled out of the garage. Baby tapped his fingers to a quiet guitar melody as he drove the limit, no more, no less.

They made it to the bank in good time, only a minute late by the time they entered, horned masks adorned on their faces and trenches flapping in the wind. Baby switched from Beirut to Incubus to up the pace, glaring at the storm cloud growing up ahead, and mentally noting to go the other way.

He ignored the quick shots from the bank, instead keeping an eye on the people on the sidewalk. A blonde had an umbrella sticking out of her purse, a teenager with a short fro had a floral raincoat on, and a rather tall man was carrying a long umbrella under his arm, long tan coat flapping in the wind.

He really should watch the weather more often.

The alarms sounded, and the others ran out of the bank, as they hopped in the car, the first raindrop hit the windshield. Baby quickly spun the car in the other direction and floored it, swerving around a man on his motorcycle before drifting into a side street.

The others pulled off their masks as they ended up back on the main street, quickly sliding into the mass of traffic at the stop light. Baby pulled out his left earbud to listen for sirens, but didn’t hear anything before popping it back in and going through the light.

He dodged a cop coming from the other direction by speeding up and tucking their car right next to a delivery truck, quickly speeding up once it passed. Another raindrop hit the windshield, then another, and another.

It was pouring within thirty seconds, and even at the highest speed, Baby could only see the road clearly for half a second at a time. On the other hand, it was nearly impossible to even tell what kind of car was in front of him, and the cops were likely having the same problem.

“Should’a brought an umbrella,” Darling grumbled, tying her hair into a knot and wiping the condensation off her window to look outside.

“Shit…” Baby mumbled quietly, pulling up to the switch.

“What?” Buddy asked.

“Outdoor parking,” Baby mumbled, pulling into the lot.

“Fucking figures,” Griff grumbled, “Where’s the car?”

“Can’t see it…” Baby mumbled. He pulled into a spot before tucking his iPod securely in his pocket to protect it, and quickly running out of the car.

“What’s he doing?” Darling asked.

“Probably going to find the car,” Buddy mumbled. They sat in the car for a few minutes, listening to the rain pattering on the roof, and watching it go down the windows in glossy sheets. They finally heard a honk from outside and gathered their things, quickly hi-tailing it to the switch car.

Darling took the passenger seat while the men got in the back. “Man, I was outside for two seconds and I’m soaked,” she grumbled, turning to face Baby, who was quite literally dripping everywhere, shivering and soaked to the bone. No one complained when he turned the heat up to full blast.

“Doc sure picked a shitty day for a parking lot,” Buddy mumbled, wiping off his window as they turned down the street. At the parking garage down the street a white car sat on the end of the ramp. It took a few moments to register the flashing red and blue lights. “Maybe not…”

Baby drove the car steadily despite all the shivering, and they made it back to the safe house without incident, other than accidently drenching a couple walking down the sidewalk. The others were mostly dry when they got out of the car, but Baby was still soaked.

His sneakers squelched as they walked to the elevator, Griff snickering the whole way. Baby retaliated by squeezing out his jacket sleeve over the man’s head; Griff stopped laughing.

Doc looked mildly apologetic at Baby as he disappeared into the back room to change, and the others plopped down at the table with the cash. Griff tried saving his hair while Darling took hers out of its knot, untangling it with her fingers.

Baby came out a few minutes later with towel fluffed hair, odd fitting one-size-fits-all clothes, and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders like a child.

“Could really use a nice, hot coffee right now,” Griff mumbled, glaring at Baby as he sat down.

“Yeah, you should go get one,” Baby replied pulling his legs up on the chair under the blanket. Darling snickered quietly next to him, and Griff blew a raspberry in return.

“No fighting,” Doc mumbled as he finished stacking the cash, tossing them back into bags before sliding them down the table. Griff grabbed his bag quickly, jumping out of his chair.

“Griff don’t-“ Buddy mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“If you don’t see me again-“ Darling groaned loudly “-it’s because I’m dead,” Griff finished, waltzing into the elevator.

“Yeah you fUCKING BETTER BE!” Darling shouted as the doors shut. “That man’s gonna give me an aneurism one day, I swear to god,” she mumbled, grabbing both of their bags.

They waited for the elevator to come back up before piling in, Baby still wearing the blanket like a poncho and Doc carrying both of their bags. Buddy gave Baby a pat on the shoulder, and Darling reached up to mess up his hair even more before getting off.

“Cops were sittin’ out the garages,” Baby mumbled as the doors shut.

“Figured they would be, I’ll deal with them later,” Doc mumbled as the elevator doors opened and they walked out to his car. Baby looked at him somewhat confused as Doc tossed both the bags in and shut the trunk without second thought.

“I’m not going to make you walk home in the rain,” Doc rolled his eyes pushing open the passenger’s side door. Baby clambered in, putting the seatbelt on over the blanket.

Baby barely caught Joe signing as he shut the door behind him. “You’re wet.”

“It’s raining.”

“Hadn’t noticed,” Joe replied turning back to the TV. “New blanket?”

“Borrowed it, no umbrella,” Baby replied, turning up the thermostat. “Hungry?”

“Always.”

Chapter Text

“God damnit-BUDDY SHE’S CALLING AGAIN!” Darling shouted, picking up the phone and glaring at the number angrily.

“The ex?” Doc asked boredly, sketching on the chalkboard.

“Yup, I don’t know how the hell she keeps getting it, we’ve changed the number like, seven times,” she grumbled, glaring at the phone darkly. “Hey Baby, you answer it, maybe she’ll think she got the wrong number.”

She pressed accept and the speaker button and slid the phone over before Baby could respond, catching the phone with fumbling fingers.

“Jason, I know it’s you, stop ignoring my calls or so help me god I’ll call that number and turn you-“

“Hello? Who’s this?” Baby asked awkwardly, ignoring Darling’s giggling from across the table.

“This is Natalie, I’m calling for my husband Jason? Who is this?”

“Mattie,” Baby lied.

“Can you put Jason on the phone?”

“Who’s Jason-“

“Look kid, I know this is Jason’s number, so just put him on the damn phone,” Natalie growled, causing Darling to almost burst out laughing and Doc to raise an eyebrow.

Darling slapped her hand over the phone’s microphone before leaning over, “Shout dad.”

“What?”

“Just do it!” She hissed, taking her hand off again.

“Okay, one second miss,” Baby held his breath for a second, “DAAAAD!?”

“Dad- you-i-JASON I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I-“ Darling slapped the phone shut as the woman began swearing, holding her hand to her mouth before letting out an ugly snort and bursting out in hysterics.

“Did Baby just yell dad?” Buddy grumbled, walking out of the backroom and plopping back down in the seat next to Darling.

“Your ex called again, and we just-pranked the shit out of her,” Darling wheezed in between laughs, eventually breaking out into a coughing fit at the end.

“You what?”

“I told Baby to yell ‘dad’ when she-asked for you,” Darling wheezed before breaking out into another laughing fit.

“Was she mad?”

“Oh she was pissed.”

“Doc-“

“I don’t care about either of your personal lives, just try not to get arrested,” Doc said, taping a picture to the edge of the board.

“She’s gonna come down here-“

“Oh relaaaax, she’s not just gonna drop everything and fly down here-“

“She may be a boring-ass business woman, but she is relentless,” Buddy warned, and Darling stuck her tongue out. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“What she gonna do, knock on every door in Atlanta til she finds us?” Darling sneered, pulling a pack of gum out of her purse, and tossing sticks across the table to everyone. Baby tucked the gum in his pocket for later while Buddy nearly tossed it in his mouth with the wrapper on.

“I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Baby was waiting in the car, hovering over the center console, ready to jump in the driver’s seat when he noticed the angry brunette woman storming down the sidewalk with a small grey suitcase, shoving through people walking down the street. It wasn’t a normal time for flights to come in, or for a 9-5’er to be out of work, even on a lunch break.

The few other people on the sidewalk were finally reacting to the strange activity in the bank as Buddy, Darling, and Montoya ran out of the bank, brandishing their guns and bags as they ran to the car. Baby hopped over the center console, landing in the seat as Montoya got in the passenger’s seat, and Darling got in behind him, kicking open the other door for Buddy.

As Buddy ran around the car the woman on the sidewalk ran forward, ditching the carry-on and grabbing him by the arm.

“Thought you could just run away from me huh? Think again- you know you’ve got a lot of nerve-“ Buddy tried pulling away only to find an iron grip on his arm, “-and how long have you been cheating on me anyway, I talked to your son,” she sneered.

Buddy heard the sirens around the corner before diving into the car, falling on Darling as his ex tumbled in. He barely had time to drag their legs out of the doorway before Baby rocketed forward, slamming the door as they went from 0 to 60 in five seconds flat.

“What the hell is going on here Jason?” Natalie screamed as Baby drifted around the corner, gliding right past a cop car and speeding in the opposite direction.

“There’s a sale on toasters at K-Mart, really don’t wanna miss it,” Darling mumbled sarcastically, checking the woman out before pulling her hair up.

“Your name is Jason?” Montoya asked, only to get three annoyed glares from the back seat until he turned back around.

“Are you seriously doing a heist right now?” Natalie gasped, slamming into the door as Baby took a corner.

“Why? Do you want us to pull over, and let the cops arrest us all?” Darling sneered.

“I’m sorry, but who the hell are you?” Natalie leaned over, glaring at her.

“Oh, I’m his new wife.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, we know a lawyer from ‘work’, legally you got divorced three months ago,” Darling said, grinning savagely.

“You the whore he had a kid with?” Natalie asked bitterly.

“Nah, I had Baby prank ya, your kids are the only one he’s got,” Darling answered casually.

“Who the hell is Baby?” Natalie yelled, and Baby threw up his hand for a quick second before dodging a cop car that swerved over from the other lane. “Is he even old enough to drive?”

“Nope,” Darling popped cheerfully, flipping off the cops as they spun out trying to make a U-turn. “Not like we’re obeying any of the laws anyway.”

“You think you can just run off with some gun-toting hooker and leave me behind? Leave Johnny and Abby? Leave us to be investigated for whatever shit you pulled at the company-“

“Language!” Montoya chimed lazily from the front, grabbing onto the ceiling handle as Baby swerved into the switch garage, shifting down gear before gliding to a stop next to the switch car, leaving the car on as he put it in Park, and everyone but Natalie threw open their doors. Montoya got out with the keys and started the switch car, and Baby awkwardly sat on the edge of his seat.

“You know what? Fine. You wanna leave all of us behind? Good for you, I hope you and your barely legal wife have a great time OD-ing on a motel bed, but you need to help out somehow, because I can’t afford the legal fees, and the mortgage, and two kids on my own.”

“What, like child support?” Darling sneered.

“If you don’t like calling it that, think of it as a little friendly black-mail to not turn you in the second you leave,” Natalie said smoothly. “I’ll figure out the rough estimate, make a contract and everything. Sign it in blood or whatever the fuck you assholes do-“

“Hey, language,” Darling said, gesturing at Baby, who was peeking out underneath the headrest.

Chapter Text

It’s Bats who heard the wooden thwack, and the sound of someone hitting the pavement behind him. It’s not a gunshot, and he knows they lost the cops as they ran around the last corner. He slid to a stop on the sidewalk, shoes grinding against the cement as he turned around, only to see a guy standing over a downed Baby with a baseball, cheering loudly.

“Carrie! Carrie I got one of ‘em, call the cops so we can get that damn rewar-“ Bats took the guy out with a quick shot and no guilt, and Buddy and Darling finally stop to find out what’s going on as the man hits the ground, landing behind Baby. The baseball bat hits the ground with another dry thwack.

Darling and Buddy raised their guns to cover Bats as he ran over, tossing his bag to the ground and shoving the dead man’s leg off Baby, who was completely out. Her tall lanky form was difficult for Bats to drag over his shoulders, and by the time he got his bag and got going again, her sunglasses had fallen off, and the cops were finally coming around the corner, huffing and puffing with their gun arms barely raised off the ground.

Darling forced the cops behind a parked Subaru with some well-placed shots, staying behind long enough for Bats and Buddy to get ahead again, before finally running after them. Only one of the cops followed after, and the other stayed behind to call in the dead body and close off the crime scene.

Buddy smashed out the driver’s side window of a nice, cherry-red Mustang, which didn’t exactly scream subtlety, but did scream fast. Bats caught up by the time all the doors were unlocked and the car had started, rolling Baby off his shoulder into the backseat and hopping in the passenger’s seat. Darling just avoided landing on Baby’s head as she jumped in the back seat, and Buddy took off, flooring it down the street, leaving the lone cop in the dust as he radioed their car in.

Darling maneuvered Baby’s head into her lap and pulled out her headphones as Buddy threw the car around a corner with a lot less grace than Baby could, but he was still a decent enough driver to get them away. “Darlin, how’s Baby?”

“She’ll have a hell of a concussion when she wakes up, but she’s still breathing,” She sighed assuredly, “head’s turnin’ a funky ass shade of purple though.”

They managed to get to the switch without a problem, and it took an extra minute to get Baby into the next car without shaking her head too much, but soon enough Bats was driving down the ramp towards the safehouse.

Darling lazily ran her hands through Baby’s short hair, pulling her trench off one handed, and draping it over Baby’s shoulders like a blanket. Buddy fiddled with the radio, landing on some quiet talk show. Bats drove the car with easy precision, occasionally looking into the back of the car through the mirror.

Baby started stirring a few minutes out from the safe-house garage, pulling Darling’s jacket over her head to block out the harsh daylight streaming in through the windows, curling in her legs like a dying spider.

By the time they got back to the warehouse Baby still wasn’t in good enough shape to get up, let alone walk, so Bats and Buddy grabbed the bags and weapons while Darling maneuvered herself out the car, leaving the door open before getting in the elevator with the others.

It only took a minute and a half for them to get downstairs, explain what had happened, and get back in the elevator, but by the time they got back to the switch car, Baby had managed to pull herself out of the car a few inches, just enough to throw up on the ground.

The bruise that covered a good portion of the right side of her face looked much worse in fluorescent lighting, looking more like she’d somehow gotten the night sky stuck on her skin rather than knocked out.
“Babydoll, how ya feelin?” Darling asked, squatting next to the car, carefully side stepping the mess outside the door. Baby groaned loudly in response, leaning into Darlings hand as she went to pet her head. Darling furled her brow in concern, “Uh, should we take her to the doctors or something?”

“I mean, people definitely saw her get hit,” Buddy grumbled, rubbing his eyes. “Can the medic do brain scans?”

“Unfortunately, her expertise is more weapon extraction and stitching…” Doc confirmed, walking over to the car and leaning over Darling. “Baby, how’d’ya feel about going to the hospital?”

Baby groaned again, “think’d rather die.”

Darling cheered, “That’s the millennial spirit!”

Doc gave Darling a look until she got out of the way, Baby whining when Darling’s hand left her head.

“Where’s t’ music,” Baby mumbled, blindly reaching forward, fingers catching on Docs sleeve.

“No music until you get your head scanned,” Doc negotiated as Baby pulled harder on his arm.

“Evil man…” Baby cursed, causing Darling to burst out laughing and Doc to roll his eyes.

“Get out of the car you overgrown child,” Doc sighed, pulling his jacket out of her grasp. Baby slowly pushed herself up, wincing as Darling’s jacket fell off her head, exposing her to the bright light outside of the garage. Her eyes were heavily unfocused as she got out of the car, and Doc barely managed to stop her from falling over.

“Don’t step in the- oh nevermind,” Doc grumbled, wincing as Baby’s elbow dug into his shoulder. “Why the hell did you get this tall?”

“Gene-etics,” Baby mumbled assuredly.

“Yo Doc, what about the cash?” Bats asked, and Doc and Baby had to stop.

“Do you know how many five is?” Doc asked boredly.

“Yeah.”

“Do you know how to make piles?”

“Yeah.”

“Then by god, I think you know how to split the cash,” Doc replied dryly. Bats rolled his eyes before making his way back to the elevator with Buddy and Darling in tow. Doc struggled to open his passenger side door with Baby leaning heavily on his shoulder, but eventually she was strapped in and the car was started.

“My head hurts,” Baby mumbled, pulling her hood over her head and drawing the strings.

“Getting hit with a bat will do that,” Doc agreed, backing out of the parking spot. “So, recap. How much do you remember?”

“The others were running late getting out of the bank… camper with broken blinkers forced us off the road into a bench, engine was trashed so we ran…” Baby’s lips curled in thought.

“Then?”

Baby paused, “My head hurts…”

Doc sighed as they pulled out of the parking garage, “We have to go to a hospital out of the city to avoid you getting reported. The hospitals have probably already been warned to look out for someone with a head injury,” Doc explained as they went through the intersection. “How’s the swelling?”

“Swell,” Baby mumbled.

Chapter Text

Baby knows that the lack of seatbelts and airbags are for quick escape in the event of a crash. The seatbelts are a pain to get off while dazed and the airbags are nearly impossible to push past, but as Baby’s flying through the windshield, he can’t help but wonder if he should’ve activated either safety feature.

His earbuds ripped out and his sunglasses flew off as he smashed through the glass, and Griff, who had nearly gone out the windshield with him, barely managed to grab one of his legs as he faceplanted on the hood of the car.

His hair whipped around with the wind, and he nearly slid off the roof of the car as it spun rapidly towards the curb. His fingers scrambled on the hood of the car, trying to find purchase, only to burn them slightly after accidently reaching over a vent.

The car threatened to tip after hitting a lamppost, and Baby mentally prepared for the feeling of being crushed when the car just barely landed back on its tires, creaking as the car settled.

The engine groaned as steam and smoke poured out around Baby, and he felt Griff’s grip on his ankle leave as the others stumbled out of the car.

Baby couldn’t hear the sirens anymore as he slowly pushed himself up, wincing at the hot roof of the car against the cuts on his hands. His entire head was ringing with his ears, and every part of his body ached as his legs dragged across the remaining windshield glass at the bottom of the pane.

Sweetheart had apparently decided he was taking too long, dragging him off of the car by his belt, only giving him a second to balance himself before pushing him in the direction where the others had started running, opposite to the flipped cop car down the road.

It took about thirty seconds to get his limbs to cooperate enough to form a decent pace, but luckily since Sweetheart refused to turn his back on any of them, he wasn’t dead last.

The wind stung against his cuts and on his skin through the slashes in his clothes. The bright light stung against his eyes, and the squealing cars as they slammed on their brakes to avoid hitting the downed cops did nothing to help the obnoxious ringing in his ears.

A cut on his forehead started dripping blood over his brow into the corner of his eye, and he nearly tripped over his own feet as he tried to wipe it away with a tattered sleeve. His legs stung from the likely bruise left by Griff and the cuts from dragging them across the shattered windshield.

He was much more focused on blocking out his pain than where he was actually going, and Buddy had to stop him from running right past the car they’d “borrowed.” Buddy didn’t protest too loudly when Baby shoved his way into the driver’s seat, pulling out new sunglasses with shaking, bloodied hands.

Sweetheart and Griff got in the back seat while Buddy got in the passenger’s seat. Once Baby was driving it was easier to ignore his injuries, and Buddy attempted to blot up some of the blood with napkins he found in the glove compartment, giving up after a few minutes with bloodied fingers and a fistful of soaked napkins, instead fumbling with the radio until landing on something fast with little static.

The song faded out as Baby drifted into the switch garage, gliding to a stop and parking the car, stumbling slightly in pain as he got in the backseat of the switch car. Sweetheart took the wheel and Buddy got in the back with Baby.

“Well shit Baby, looks like you ain’t gonna need no Halloween costume this year,” Griff laughed dryly as Buddy rolled his eyes. “What? He’s gonna look like fucking Frankenstein. T’least 600 stitches.”

Baby winced as he pulled off his ruined jacket, feeling a few small pieces of glass on his arms pull. It didn’t take long to find the worst cut, a long slice down his shin, and press the jacket against it like a large rag. Buddy grabbed his burner phone, calling ahead to Doc that the Medic should be ready for a “shit-ton” of stitches.

None of the cuts were bleeding too badly other than the ones on his face and on his shin, but Baby figured he was losing a decent amount of blood just based on the number of cuts. His fingers had the most cuts out of anything since he went out of the car arms first, but they were all fairly superficial, or at least none of his fingers were hanging off like a door hinge.

“What do you mean a shit-ton or a fuck-ton? What the hell’s the difference?” Buddy ranted to the phone, and Griff turned around in confusion. “Well it’s a hell of a lot more than a shit-ton then- Griff what’d you say?”

“Actually? Least 400. I mean, I’m guessing that’s more than a fuck-ton,” Griff sighed, tucking his arms behind his head. “Also, you are really looking like the love child of Frankenstein and Carrie.” Baby pouted, wincing as he pulled on a cut.

“At Least 400- Well I don’t know what comes after fuck-ton,” Buddy grumbled, flipping the phone shut. “You are bleeding everywhere.”

“That’s a skill, bleed on your enemies,” Griff advised, earning an affirmative nod from Sweetheart and an annoyed glare from Buddy.

Baby reached for one of the small shards of glass sticking out of his forearm, only for Buddy to slap his hand away, “Do you want the medic to yell at you?”

“I’m pretty sure she’s gonna yell at him anyway,” Griff countered.

“Well… you’ll… bleed more,” Buddy argued, “Side’s, Doc’s the one who said no seat belts.”

“Don’t we usually wear seat belts anyway?” Griff asked, leaning back.

Buddy leaned forward, annoyed, “Were you wearing a seat belt?”

“No?”

“Then shut the fuck up,” Buddy grumbled, slapping Baby’s hand away from his ankle as he tried pulling out another piece of glass, “stop that.” Baby pouted again, ignoring the rivulet of blood dripping down the side of his face, as Sweetheart pulled into the switch garage.

The car slid to a stop, and Baby tried ignoring the slight squish in his shoe as he got out. A few of the smaller cuts on his hand had stopped free-bleeding, and small spots of dried blood started cracking on his skin.

“It is a shame that Halloween isn’t for another few weeks though, you’d kill it at parties,” Griff sighed as they walked, or in Baby’s case, limped, to the elevator. Buddy slapped Griff on the shoulder as the elevator door opened, and they all shuffled in. Griff swiped Baby’s sunglasses, wiping the blood off lazily with his sleeve before putting them on. “Yo, doesn’t he look like Dexter right now?”

“What?” Buddy grumbled.

“You know, Dexter, murderdude, TV show,” Griff listed, rolling his eyes at Buddy’s confused face, “serial killer who killed serial killers.”

“Ohhh,” Buddy nodded as the door opened. Doc was helping the Medic set up on the planning table, and both looked up.

“That’s not a fuck-ton Doc,” The Medic grumbled grabbing another package of suture thread out of her bag.

Doc grabbed his temple, “Then what is it?”

“That’s a jesus-fuck ton,” the Medic explained, threading the needle.

“Of course it is,” Doc sighed, walking over to one of the sewing desks and gesturing for the bags.

While the others dealt with the cash, the Medic dragged Baby over to the table, pushing him under the light before checking him over. Doc rushed through sorting the cash, quickly flipping the cash clips down, sliding out marked bills and fakes with practiced ease.

“How bad is it?” Doc asked absentmindedly.

“Well… at least he’s clotting,” the Medic sighed, ripping his jeans at the knee to get a better look at the slash on his shin, “god damnit never-mind. What the hell did you do again?”

“He went through the windshield!” Griff answered cheerfully, and Doc forcefully shoved his cash bag into his arms.

“And why weren’t you wearing a seatbelt?” The Medic grumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“’Cause Doc told us not to!” Griff shouted before dashing to the elevator, grinning at Doc’s annoyed glare and the Medic’s unimpressed look at Doc. The other two quickly jumped in the elevator as well with their bags, waving as the elevator door shut.

“Little shi-“

“What’s your problem with seatbelts?” she asked with a definitive ‘you’re an idiot’ tone to her voice; cutting Baby’s jeans off.

“If they crash-“

“Then they won’t go out the window?” The Medic said, gesturing handedly to Baby, pulling a needle out of her bag.

She eyed the copious amount of injuries and turned to Baby, “You have anything important tomorrow?” Baby shook his head, gesturing to the wounds himself. “Okay well… Don’t expect to walk home tonight.”
She carefully tied off his arm before grabbing two needles from her bag, jabbing them in one after another without a countdown, ignoring Baby’s quiet hiss. She put a SpongeBob band-aid on his arm before pulling off the band.

“SpongeBob?” Doc questioned, taking a seat near the table.

“I enjoy the small things,” the Medic shrugged, ripping off a piece from the towel in her bag, soaking it in watered down peroxide before cleaning off Baby’s shin, ignoring Baby’s pained noises, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’ll be numb in a minute or two, you big baby.”

She did local anesthesia on the large shin slash, pulling out the glass shards before pushing down the gauze, grabbing a chair with her free arm and propping up his leg.

“I’m guessing this will take a while?” Doc mumbled, watching in morbid fascination.

“No idea I had a genius in my midst,” Medic grumbled as she started stitching underneath the skin.

“m’head feels funny,” Baby mumbled, slowly leaning back on the table.

“Yeah, that’ll happen,” the Medic nodded, switching suture thread to stitch the skin. “So seatbelts-“

“It slows down switch time if they have to ditch the car-“

“Does it really? My three-year-old niece can do her seatbelt now. I know some of your regulars aren’t exactly the sharpest tools in the shed-“

“She wassss lookin kin’a dumb-“ Baby mumbled from down on the table.

“No, shhh,” Medic mumbled as she stitched.

“If they’re concussed or the seatbelt gets jammed-“

“They’re much less likely to get a concussion if they have seatbelts on. Also, how often do your seatbelts jam?”

“We use older cars, newer ones have all these-“ Doc waved his hands angrily “-safety features.”

“I wonder why,” the Medic mumbled as Baby went limp on the table, “Aaand he’s out.” Doc glared, “It’s just ketamine.”

“What about the other one?”

“Valium, it’ll help with disorientation later,” she mumbled, tying off and cutting the suture, “If the car wasn’t stolen, I’d definitely call in about the faulty airbags.” She looked up as she went to grab the rag, catching the look on Doc’s face. “You’re shitting me.”

“It makes it harder to get out-“

“Yeah maybe through the windshield.” She pulled out another glass shard with her clamps, dropping it on the table and pressing the gauze. “This explains why you have to call so often. Wonder what crazy shit your other stitch-men have to deal with- I’m the only one aren’t I.”

“The more people that know this location-“

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re paranoid?”

“In the last 20 years, the only time a cop has looked at me funny was when a pigeon shit on my jacket,” Doc snapped, “there’s a difference between paranoia and protection.”

“Well, If I’m your only med, I guess you’re not doing as bad as I thought,” she begrudgingly admitted as she started stitching again.

“I do have the best driver,” Doc added smugly.

“Then keep him that way…”

The Medic worked on the other heavy bleeding wounds first, only particularly taking her time on the deep wounds or the ones on his face and hands. Doc left once or twice during whole thing, once to drive his nephew to a friend’s house, and another to get food.

It’d taken less stitches than either of them thought once all the blood was cleaned up, especially since several smaller cuts could be glued shut, but Baby still looked a bit more ‘Frankenstein’ than anyone would like.

“Well I’ll be back in a week for the face… Week and a half for the rest…”

Chapter Text

Baby honked the car horn as they flew over the stairs, watching a woman duck as the car flew over her, before smashing into the statue in the middle of the fountain, and slowly sinking into the water.

Darling and Chapel stumbled out of the car first, and Darling stumbled onto her knees in the water before managing to get up, sloshing her way out of the fountain with Chapel. Buddy got out after finally pushing the airbag away, nearly forgetting his bag and having to turn back around to the car.

Baby faceplanted getting out of the car, landing in the water. He pushed himself up, shaking his hair as he crawled out, listening to the slightly warped music. Darling dragged him out of the fountain as the cops finally caught up, starting to make their way down the staircase that they’d flown down.

They all stumbled into a run, police on their tails. Buddy shot one of them in the leg, but the other two stayed on their heels as they ran, water dripping behind them.

“WHERE ARE WE GOING?” Buddy panted, awkwardly adjusting his pants as he ran, pushing past a civilian who tried to stop him. The streets were mostly empty, sidewalks lit by streetlamps and window light, pale moonlight just barely touching the asphalt. The night was mostly quiet other than some cars driving by and the obnoxious squeaking from their wet shoes.

“NO IDEA!” Baby shouted, pulling out his headphones as the iPod gave out completely.

“Hey, aren’t we near, you know-“ Darling panted, bursting forward to Buddy and Baby “-the pizza place?” She hissed. Baby whipped his head around to get his bearings only to recognize the corner he turned down to get to work just a bit down the street.

“The what place-“ Chapel ducked down as one of the policeman fired, hitting a brick above her head. None of them bothered responding, instead ducking and weaving as they ran, quickly darting across the street as they passed the corner. Good Fella’s was in sight soon enough, and they quickly ran in through the main entrance, ignoring his coworker’s furious hand gesturing as she mopped the floor, and all quickly flying over counter, landing with wet flops on the tile.

“Baby I swear I’m gonna-“ His co-worker steamed for a moment before quickly mopping up their trail, drenching the mop and flipping it in the direction of the side door. The police ran in seconds after, panting with guns raised, and everyone behind the counter subconsciously held their breath.

“Did you see-“ She pointed towards the side door, and the cops just barely looked at the water trail before dashing through the restaurant, sliding slightly before busting out the side door. The room was silent for a moment before the girl through her mop down on the floor, and a set of keys on the counter.

“You’re locking up,” she grumbled, pointing at the back wall before grabbing her purse from the nearby table and walking out, leaving the four alone in the restaurant.

“That… worked?” Darling said quietly as they all pushed themselves up, dripping over the counter.

“Your name is actually Baby?” Chapel asked with a confused look on your face.

“Doc doesn’t like me usin my name for nothin,” Baby explained quietly, grabbing the keys and unlocking the small break closet, looting through the small lost and found box for clothes.

Chapter Text

Buddy and Darling’s chairs were so close together that the two were nearly on each other’s laps, staring at each other so deeply that they didn’t even notice Doc and Baby walk in through the elevator until Baby jumped into his chair at the end of the table.

The Dabinski twins had supposedly been old clients of Doc’s who had just gotten out of the slammer, both with newly dyed black hair and pale skin, who were regularly close enough to each other that people confused them for conjoined twins. The only difference between the two was the length of their hair, and even then, they never went by their individual names, milking the twin act as far as they could.

“And who’s this?” They echoed.

“Baby’s my new driver, Gold was becoming inadequate.”

“Becoming inadequate? Was he ever adequate to begin with?” They laughed together.

“Now you all know that each job usually only has four to a car, but this time, we have a buyer all set to go with more cash than any of you could ever know what to do with. All the jewels you get are guaranteed sold within the next 24 hours, so the more you get, the better,” Doc explained.

“Now the police are having a benefit on the other side of the city at seven tomorrow night, so as long as you make it quick, the getaway should be clean. Even so, the twins just got out, so privacy glasses, hats, and all black clothes, make sure to keep your gloves on, and try not to bleed anywhere. Questions?”

“Sounds good Doc,” Buddy noted blandly as Darling leaned back against him, tucking her head under his chin.

“Uh-huh. I want you all here by six sharp,” Doc reminded before taking down the pictures and wiping down the board. Baby hopped out of his chair as Doc walked by, quickly jogging behind to keep pace as they walked to the elevator.

“So, how long’ve you been together?” The twins asked, leaning against the table.

“Little over a year,” Darling sighed, pulling out of the embrace. “Are you two uh…”

“Hah, no. We just haven’t had the time.” The longer haired twin noted, “It’s not much of a priority for us.” The other added, “We’ve got all the company we need, you know.”

“Hmm,” Darling hummed in agreement.

“So how good’s the kid anyway?”

“You ain’t never seen nothing like it, it’s like figure skating on the open road,” Darling sighed, swirling her arm in the air in graceful movements.

“I think in that comparison that would make Gold a hockey player-“ the other twin shook her head, “I think you mean the Zamboni.” They both laughed.

“That bad?” Buddy asked, and the twins rolled their eyes.

“We could’ve driven the car better in reverse.”

Baby tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, keeping low in the driver’s seat like always, a long swinging jazz piece tapping away in his ears. Jewelry heists are a bit more interesting to watch since he can actually see what the others are going, and he doesn’t usually ever have to worry about civilians getting hurt.

The Dabinski Sisters are quick but methodical as they emptied out the jewlers drawers. Buddy and Darling started out the same but eventually slowly ended up grabbing rings and necklaces, with Darling putting a few pieces on with adult expertise.

The sisters eventually get Darling back on track but Buddy’s still grabbing rings, slowing down more and more before completely stopping with one ring in hand. Baby turns away for a moment after a car parked down the street. He can’t make it out, but it doesn’t look white.

When he turned back to the shop, Buddy’s dropped down on one knee and Darling’s laughing, only to suddenly sober up when Buddy started talking again. The sisters don’t pay much attention to what Baby thinks is a proposal, only passively clapping as the ring is slid on her finger and the two jump into an embrace with a kiss.

Baby barely hears the door next to him open by the time there’s a hand on his arm, and Baby barely gets a view of the police officer trying to drag him out of the car before he starts flailing wildly, grabbing onto the steering wheel with his other hand.

He catches a glimpse of another officer coming up the backside of the car before Baby’s aware enough of the situation to swing his leg out at the steering wheel, landing a solid kick at the horn and screaming bloody murder like any distressed kid would, hoping the others would notice.

Darling did.

She’s nearly caught up with emotion when there’s the jerky sound of a horn, and she merely catches a glimpse of Baby’s terrified face before she untangles herself from Buddy, storming out of the shop like nobody’s business. “HEY, LET GO OF OUR KID!”

The cop still awkwardly in the street is taken down easily enough with a few shots to the legs, but her coming out of the shop distracted Baby enough that the cop managed to drag him out, albeit a bit too successfully. The man stumbled as suddenly there was no resistance, and Darling can just barely see Baby hit the ground from under the car before she opened fire, missing a shot or two before nailing the man in the head.

The twins wrapped up what they were doing, and Buddy grabs her dropped bag as they all rush into the backseat of the car. Darling runs around the front side of the car where Baby’s whining and rubbing his head, but otherwise fine. He snaps back into reality as the sirens sounded, and Darling can tell it’s more than one. Baby just flings himself over the center console, banging into the driver’s side door as Darling quickly clambered in.

Baby shut the door by flooring the car forward, quickly getting off the main street in record time, wincing slightly as his wrist bent. He’s driving just as well as usual despite the circumstances, and Buddy and the twins in the backseat are all uncomfortably squished together, leading to a few heads hitting the window during rough turns.

“Yo, didn’t Doc say the cops were all at some fucking banquet?” Buddy swore, pulling off his hat and glasses.

“It could’ve been a set-up” one of the twins replied, “The cops do occasionally have good ideas,” the other finished.

The cops got back on their asses soon enough, only a few of the many that were probably out that night, and Baby had to rely more on straight skill than deception since there were much fewer cars on the road, and certainly not enough to trick into hitting the cops.

He manages to pull a trick with a truck driver, losing the cops just for a second long enough to fly into the switch garage, quickly down shifting and coming to a stop in between the two switch cars. Darling and Buddy shared a quick kiss before separating to get in the two separate cars, with the short haired twin driving her car and the long haired one riding with Buddy.

Darling ended up sitting in the back with Baby, quickly checking his head over for blood, luckily only finding a faint bruise. His wrist had five sharp bruises from the cop’s chubby fingers, but were hopefully vague enough that no one would immediately think “hand”.

“What’s’it look like?” Baby asked, and Darling put his arm down.

“What’s what look like?”

“The ring,” Baby answered, and Darling finally remembered the large jewel sitting on her finger, uncomfortably snug over her gloves. She handed Baby the ring as she pulled off her costume, sliding it back on her finger. The large gem glistened as the car passed under a street light, and both Darling and Baby were transfixed right up until they pulled back into the safe house garage.

The twins were side by side just as quickly as Buddy and Darling. Baby awkwardly held his arm so it didn’t hurt as much, trying to keep it straight as they all piled in the elevator. Darling casually slipped the ring into her bra so Doc wouldn’t notice as the elevator doors opened.

Doc looked up from his book, frowning slightly as he took in the general mood.

“Banquet was a fake,” “one of the cops nearly got the kid before he sounded the alarm,” the twins replied, answering the unsaid question.

“Baby?”

“Just a bit bruised up,” Darling answered as Buddy hooked his arm around her waist as they all walked to the table, dropping their bags carefully. There wasn’t a nice thud like with cash clips, but there was still the distinct feeling of money that hit the table.

They switched burners while Doc checked Baby over.