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Maya never thought Phoenix would get his licence, let alone buy a car. A nice car. It put Edgeworth’s red convertible to shame, if she was being honest. Maya was no expert on cars, she couldn’t even have told you the brand, but it was blue (of course) with leather interior and so many buttons she didn’t even know what half of them did, and a touchscreen that talked to you if you needed directions or to change the radio station.
Phoenix refused to tell her how much it cost, no matter how much she begged to know. But it was clear that he must have either had a large amount of savings somehow, or he’d taken out a giant loan to be able to afford it.
She supposed he deserved it. He was a lawyer again, he had no plans on retiring so young or quitting after working so hard to gain his badge back, and he finally got his licence and needed a car. She would have thought something cheaper, or even a used car would have made more sense for him, but apparently he’d wanted this one.
She had to wonder if there was a reason. Mid-life crisis? Jealousy over Edgeworth’s nice car? Self-consciousness at being almost 36 years old and never having had his licence? She had no idea.
It wasn’t until one day when she was hanging out at the office—where she could overhear Athena teasing Apollo about a cute witness they had to interview—did something else pop into her mind.
Phoenix hadn’t had a girlfriend in a really long time. Since she’d known him, he’d been forever single. Perhaps that was something to do with it. If a guy had a nice car, other not so impressive things didn’t matter as much to the women he was trying to pick up.
But what was he trying to make up for? He had a good job, he was a sweetheart, and he was certainly attractive enough. He wasn’t rich, but he wasn’t poor either, and she didn’t think the balance in his bank account was something he or anyone else would find extremely lacking.
That really only left one thing she could think of. She turned on the couch, looking back at the desk where Phoenix was sitting, poring over files for his upcoming trial.
“Hey Nick?” she called.
He glanced up at her. “Yeah?”
“Do you have a small dick?”
Athena and Apollo both froze, their conversation stopping mid-sentence. They both turned towards Phoenix, who sat staring at Maya, eyebrows furrowed, mouth hanging open. They were best friends and any sense of propriety between them had gone out the window long ago, but he still couldn’t believe how inappropriate Maya could be sometimes.
“Um… Maya… Why would you ask me that?” he said once he’d regained his composure.
Athena and Apollo’s heads swivelled back to Maya. She crossed her arms. “Well, you bought that really nice car, and for what? You have a good job, a nice personality, you’re good looking, you’re not dirt poor. What else could you be compensating for besides that?”
Phoenix pressed his lips together. “Maya, I am not compensating for that. I’m not compensating for anything, actually. I’ve had a lot of good paying clients lately and I could afford it, whether you think so or not, so I decided, why not treat myself and buy a nice car?”
“Hmm.”
“Do you want me to prove it?” he asked.
Maya raised her eyebrows. “How?”
“How else?” he said, sighing and getting up to walk across the room. “C’mere.”
Maya got up, and Apollo and Athena watched the two head towards the bathroom together. They were in there for only a minute or so, during which Athena’s sensitive hearing picked up a tiny gasp and a surprised ‘wow’, which she relayed to Apollo, who frowned at her.
Then the bathroom door opened again, and Phoenix and Maya stepped out. Phoenix was finishing buckling his belt again and straightening out his jacket. Maya simply looked dazed.
She looked up, glancing back and forth between Apollo and Athena. “He’s definitely not compensating for anything,” she told them.
Phoenix smiled smugly and went back to his desk. “Told you.”
The two protégé attorneys simply stared at their boss. Apollo frowned, looking a little envious, while Athena looked at Phoenix like she was seeing him in a whole new light, an excited smile plastered on her face.
Maya sat lightly back on the edge of the couch, steepling her fingers in front of her face. “And you weren’t even erect...” she mumbled to herself.
“Well, girls didn’t call me Fifteen Inch Phoenix in college for nothing. I mean, that’s obviously an exaggeration for the sake of alliteration, but still.”
“Not by much, I’d say,” she muttered.
Athena, who was taking a sip of her coffee, choked and spluttered, spitting it back into her cup. Apollo could only lower his face to his desk to bury it in paperwork, still frowning, still envious.
Maya sat up, turning on the couch to look back at Phoenix again. “So, Nick…” she started, a certain sultry tone to her voice, “Are you doing anything later?”