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He never imagined it could be possible to feel so much pain.
John laid his head on the edge of the balcony, closing his eyes. The whole night had gone fairly well, for everyone else at least. Not for him, no, nothing ever went well for him it seemed. Alex was happy though, and in the end, that’s all that mattered. He felt his throat tighten, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. He quickly wiped them away in case anyone came out though it was unlikely, because after all, who leaves during a wedding?
The answer: heartbroken lovers who lost their chance.
It was about one in the morning, he had drunk so much, yet he felt at sober as ever. He chuckled humorlessly. The one time he actually wanted to be wasted, and forget everything. He shivered as a cold breeze blew through. Maybe he could leave? Go home and forget it ever happened? He stood up straight, taking a deep breath. All he had to do was make it through unnoticed, then slip out the front. He quickly walked back in, stealthily squeezing past loads in individuals, his eyes glued distractedly to the floor. Almost there, just a bit further, He thought anxiously. Just as he was about to make it to the door, an all too familiar voice called out.
“John? Hey, John!”
Of course, it was Alex.
John whipped around frantically, nearly taking out a girl next to him Alex had just entered the room, glass in one hand, his face lit up.
God, he looks so happy, John thought, almost miserably. So happy he's with someone else... that isn't me...
Tears threatened him once more, this time making an aggressive assault. Without a moment's hesitation, he threw open the door and bolted into the night. In the fit of emotion, he managed to clear the steps leading down from the house, landing painfully onto his side. He scrambled back up, dismissing his scrapes. After a minute of sprinting, he had almost begun to slow when he heard a voice call out.
“John! Wait!”
He had never ran faster in his life. His boots hit the frozen dirt hard, and his breath came in gasps, only visible through the clouds of white mist trailing next to him. Until that point, he was almost positive he could lose him, but it was Alexander Hamilton, and of course, you couldn’t outrun him. He could hear Alex gaining ground rapidly, and no matter how much faster he tried running, he could tell Alex was hot on his heels. In a desperate attempt, he swerved off the path into the grass. Suddenly something caught his ankle, sending him tumbling to the ground.
Alex caught him.
Cold hands held him down by his wrists as he struggled to escape, but it was no use.
“Hey! Let me go!” He yelled, digging his heels into the ground.
“Not a shot,” Alex grumbled, placing his full weight on top of a very disgruntled John.
John’s head hit the ground, his body weak from exhaustion. Besides, no going anywhere with somebody sitting on you.
“What the heck was that about?" Alex asked incredulously. "Why did you run?”
John shifted his head to the side, refusing to meet Alex’s eyes.
“I don’t know.”
He won't care. He never did, a small voice taunted.
“I think you do,” he retorted. John closed his eyes. He could feel the tears threatening to spill over again, except this time he couldn’t wipe them away. He bit his lip, trying his hardest to hold them back.
“John, please.” his voice became soft and gentle.
That's when John absolutely lost it.
A choked sob escaped him, and everything that he had been holding back came flooding forward like a river without a dam. Another sob came out, then another, accompanied by tears. He bolted his eyes shut, his body already beginning to shake, and not from the cold.
“John? Wha- what's going on? Are you okay?” He asked, rolling off him.
John opened his mouth to speak, but after realizing no words would come out, he just shook his head. Suddenly, Alex moved closer to him, pulling him into a sitting position and wrapping his arms around the other.
“Shh, hey... you’re alright, I’m here,” He said soothingly. John buried his face into Alex’s shoulder, still swept up in the emotions.
They stayed like that for a while, until John managed to get a hold of himself. He eventually sat up, wiping the tears from off his face.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I-I shouldn’t of…” He trailed off, looking down at the ground.
“Don’t be sorry, just tell me what’s wrong, maybe I can-”
“No, there's not,” He snapped, almost too harshly, still wiping away the tears. "T-trust me."
Alex furrowed his brows, seeming almost unfazed by John’s outburst.
“Then just tell me. The least I can do is listen.”
“You would hate me.”
“Never! How could I hate you?”
John took a deep breath, looking at Alex.
“I love you! There! I said it! I-I am foolishly, totally in love with you, and- and you just got married and there’s... nothing I can do about it,” His voice dropped. He smiled sadly to himself. “You love her, you're happy... that's all that matters…”
He saw Alex’s mouth hang open, staring right at him. John spoke again.
“See, you hate me. I’m sorry, I’ll just go,” He stood up to leave, but Alex reached up, grabbing his sleeve.
“I don’t hate you, John, I had to marry her. She.. she’s been seeing someone else, and-"
He paused in thought, John completely speechless.
"I didn’t find out until it was too late.. Her family won’t let her divorce, I can't divorce or my honor is down the drain…. and I’m afraid I lost feelings for her. She doesn't love me, John. If she ever did...” He ended sadly.
John's mouth fell open. But he looked so happy? Had he been faking it the entire time, then?
“W-what?”
He laughed. “John, what I’m trying to say is… I love you too. Since the second I saw you I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Now, I feel lie it's the perfect time for something long overdue.”
He stood up, cupping John’s chin, then pressing his lips against his. John jolted from surprise but quickly melted into Alex, wrapping a hand around him. He felt the softness of Alex’s lips, the warmth of his body against his keeping away the frigid night air. It was like anything he could ever dream of, or had dreamt of. Alex pulled back until it was just their foreheads touching, noses brushed up against each other.
“John Laurens, I too am helplessly and totally in love with you,” he breathed.
John smiled.
“Now, let’s get you bandaged up.”
As they started to walk back, John felt the unmistakable brush of Alex’s cold hand, wasting no time to take it in his.
“Hey, John?”
“Yeah?”
“Sorry for tackling you.”
John laughed, something he could’ve sworn that night would never happen again.
“If I’m being completely honest, I’m glad you did.”
As they neared the house, they found two figures on the porch. Laf and Herc. John quietly slipped his hand out from Alex's, though the other two had seen enough.
“Ha! Je te l'avais bien dit! It would happen!” Laf exclaimed, running up to them. Herc followed suit.
“You guys finally got together! Man, took you long enough!” Herc said, patting Alex on the back. Laf walked up to John, grinning.
“Made quite the scene, mon ami. Come on in, everyone deserves an explanation.”
John and Alex exchanged grins.
“I think,” He took Alex’s hand once more, “they do.”