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72 HOURS AFTER
This time, Riley kisses Ellie. She presses her lips to hers so hard it hurts a little, but it’s the most amazing fucking thing in the world anyway, feeling Ellie’s cheek warm against her palm, her slowly curling smile and her beating heart. There’s no finesse, no point of contact other than their mouths crushed together, chapped and papery and dry. It’s perfect.
She pulls away, and checks Ellie’s arm for what has to be the millionth time. No change. The relief makes her dizzy.
“A deal’s a deal,” she reminds Ellie, grinning like an idiot. Her best friend, the greatest girl in the whole world, is looking at her with a mixture of breathless disbelief and hope.
“Holy fuck… I guess it is.” She takes a deep breath, and mirrors Riley’s smile. “Lead the way to your fearless leader, firefly girl.”
“Hey.” Riley shoves her gently. “Not any more, remember?” Three days later, and the memory of their dance, their song, the feel of the chain digging into her skin before she snapped it off; they’re all as crisp as ever in her mind. As well as everything that came after. The corner of Ellie’s mouth quirks up.
“Yeah. I remember.”
“Good.”
Ellie cups the wound, looking almost shy, as if she’s not sure she’s allowed to feel whatever she’s feeling. “God… are we sure Marlene won’t just shoot us on sight? I mean, she’s bound to be looking for you. I don’t think ‘kind to defectors’ is anywhere in their charter.”
“No way,” Riley says firmly. She grips Ellie by the shoulders. “I’m not letting that happen, okay? I don’t care what I have to do, I’m going to make her hear us out.”
“…Well.” Ellie grins a bit, flashing her teeth. “If there’s one person who could do it…”
“Damn right.”
They don’t have much with them, only the few provisions that Riley had managed to smuggle to their hiding place atop the roof. Clearing it all up only takes a few minutes, in which time the sun creeps up to warm their backs and hurry them along. Ellie smiles at her, and her expression is still a little cautious and unsure, but there’s a something of a glow about her and her eyes are so, so bright.
“Like the sea,” Riley blurts out, before she can stop herself. Ellie snorts, both mystified and amused.
“What?”
Riley shakes her head, embarrassed. “It’s nothing. Come on.” She knows she’s going to regret that, because Ellie will never let it go, but even the thought of that makes her heart lighter. Days from now, weeks from now, maybe even years… Ellie might still be at her side, ribbing her about some dumb comment she once made. This might actually be happening.
She’s smiling, even more sappily than before, and Ellie laughs, shoving her.
“You’re such a fucking weirdo. You know that, right?”
“Whatever bitch.” Riley hip-checks her before grabbing her by the hand. It’s a long trek through the city to get to Marlene, through tunnels and across rooftops, but they’ve got the time. With Ellie smiling at her like that, she could do anything. “You better get used to it. You’re never getting rid of me now.”
~~~
24 HOURS
When the sun and her internal clock tell her that it’s been an entire day, Riley allows herself to get hopeful. Excited, even.
“Okay, this has to mean something,” she insists to Ellie, looking at her arm closely. The teeth marks are still pink and raw-looking, but there’s no discolouration, no growth, nothing to suggest that the infection is spreading. It’s been twenty four hours and the infection’s not spreading. That’s… that’s impossible, something like that just can’t be happening, but it’s right here, in her face.
For a moment, Ellie holds her arm out very tensely, as if she’s trying not to breathe. Then the spell breaks, and she rips her arm away. The uncertainty of the previous hours is rapidly swapped out for something a little more familiar: anger.
“Mean something like what, Riley? That it’s gonna take a longer time for me to turn than everyone else? Excuse me if I don’t pull out the party hats or whatever.”
She’s standing now, pacing. The last patrol went by a little while ago, just after the sun came up, but Riley still throws an eye out, even as she reaches for Ellie’s hand. It’s tugged away before she can get a proper grip.
“No, not something like that.” Riley shakes her head in frustration. “Everyone turns in two days. Everyone. Sometimes it’s shorter, but never longer.”
“Right, well there you go.” Ellie throws up her arms briefly, but then they’re back crossed over her stomach like a line that she’s daring Riley to step over. “I’m gonna turn. Can we just go back to—”
“But that’s just it! What if…” Riley has to pause and turn the words over in her mind, because they already sound insane, even before she says them. “What if you’re not gonna turn? What if that’s why it hasn’t spread, why it isn’t looking as bad as it should be?”
Ellie gapes at her for so long that Riley feels like that asshole who thought it’d be appropriate to tell a joke at a funeral.
“Are you listening to yourself? Do you not fucking see this?” She thrusts her arm into Riley’s line of sight. “I was bitten Riley. That thing got a hold of me, and chomped down so hard it took away bits of my flesh. How could I…” Her voice quivers, and doesn’t break so much as it shatters. “How could I not turn?”
“I don’t know how, I’m just…” Riley swallows, and this time, when she reaches for Ellie, she doesn’t give up until she’s able to wrest her gently down to her side. Ellie is refusing to meet her eyes again, but right now, she only needs her to listen. “I swear, I wouldn’t even bring this up if I didn’t seriously think that there was something here. I wouldn’t do that to my girl.” Her throat is clogged up, but she pushes on. “Listen to me. It is a fact that the infection should be visibly spreading through your body right now. It’s a fact that the fungus should be heading towards your brain. It’s a fact that you should be feeling something by now.
“Ellie… none of that is happening. Do you see what I’m saying? It’s got to mean something, it’s just gotta.”
She squeezes Ellie’s uninjured arm. Her grip is so tight she’s afraid it might hurt, but she can’t let go. They’ve come this far and she’s not letting go. Ellie’s breathing is magnified by the silence and the hollowness of the summer air.
“Something like what?” This time, when she says it, her voice is papery and whisper-soft.
“Something like hope.” She hadn’t wanted to say the word, but now that it’s out, Riley doesn’t want to take it back.
“Jesus fuck.” Ellie tilts her head back until the crown is pressing against the wall, and her eyes face skyward. “You think I could be… immune, or something?”
“I don’t know what to think,” Riley answers truthfully. “But I do know that we don’t have to stay here. We can leave, things can go back to—”
“Fuck no!” Ellie explodes immediately. “It’s too dangerous; I could still turn on you, or anyone else.”
Riley’s immediate reflex is to argue, but she reins it in, and steadies herself with a deep breath.
“Okay. Let’s just say this is for real, and we do leave here. What would you want to do?”
“If that happens…” Ellie shakes her head, like it’s crazy to even entertain the notion. “I’d stay with you,” she says simply. “And I wouldn’t be able to pretend that nothing had happened, so… You said that Marlene’s people haven’t given up on looking for a cure? I guess I’d… try to help with that.”
Of course. Of course she would; it’s such an Ellie thing to say. Riley feels fond and proud and sad and a million other things she doesn’t know how to express. In that moment, she knows that she’d do anything for this girl.
“Let’s make a deal, then.” She places a hand on Ellie’s knee, fingers curved around her patella. “We’ll stay hidden and continue to wait it out. Everyone turns within two days, right? We’ll stay up here for three. If, in forty-eight more hours, there’s still no change in the wound, then you let me take you to Marlene.”
“And if there is? If I turn, even after the two days?” Ellie glances at the gun. “What about your first promise?”
More than ever, Riley wants to take the firearm and pitch it as far away as possible, where neither of them can reach it. But she gave her word.
“I’ll keep it,” she says, nodding. “I swear.”
Ellie nods along with her, slow and shaky. The reassurance seems to settle her some. Riley worries at her bottom lip, leaning forward so that she can see her best friend’s face. She’s fighting it, but Riley can see it creeping up on her, in the turning of her mouth and in the slant of her eyes. Hope.
“So.” Her brows travel high up. “Do we have a deal?”
Ellie doesn’t look at her, but rocks into her gently.
“Yeah. Deal.”
~~~
18 HOURS
Of all the little surprises Riley had set up for Ellie, getting the chocolate bar hadn’t been the hardest. But it had definitely been tricky. There aren’t many people in this city with access to luxury items like that, and even fewer who’re willing to trade it. But she’d pulled through, because she’d known Ellie would flip. She knows her girl.
“Soooooo good,” Ellie moans. They’ve broken the bar in half, and have six pieces each to themselves, and they’re taking it slow, savouring each bite. The chocolate tastes really good and it’s nice to get a little rush from the sugar, but most of all, Riley’s eyes are trained on Ellie’s face and its every movement. Her mouth twitches.
“Should I leave you two alone for a minute, or…?”
“Oh fuck you, I’m trying to make this last.” She nibbles on a corner. “God. Can you imagine just being able to walk into a store or something and just buy one of these?”
“Yeah, must’ve been something else.” Riley smiles at her. Her eyes are still closed, like they were in the arcade, and she looks like she’s floating in another world. “Hey, let’s try something.”
“What?”
Riley shuffles away from Ellie until she’s about a few feet away, but still under the cover of the tanks above. Night is thick around them, and the nearest artificial light is a rooftop away, but the moon provides illumination enough to see by.
“Okay, open your mouth, and I’ll try to toss a piece in, okay?”
“What!” Ellie chuckles, but then sees that Riley is serious. “Ohhh, you can’t be for real. What if you miss, and waste piece? Good as this stuff is, I dunno if I’ll still wanna eat it when it’s all covered in eau de nasty roof muck.”
“Well, it’ll be my loss, then. And I’ll break ‘em into smaller pieces.” She makes a reassuring gesture. “Come on, open up! Unleeeeeeess you’re afraid you won’t be able to beat me.”
She busies herself with breaking up the chocolate, but hears Ellie’s scoff anyway.
“Shhyeah, right. Bring it.”
When she looks up, it’s just in time to see that Ellie’s smile has gone a little wry, a little sad; she knows exactly what Riley’s doing. But she straightens her back, juts her chin out, opens her mouth wide, and nods to say she’s ready.
“Alright.” She takes aim. “This is gonna be a piece of cake; you’ve got such a big mouth.”
“Hey--!”
“Uh uh! No talking!”
Ellie tries to glare at her, but with her head angled back and her mouth yawning open, it’s more silly than anything. Riley chuckles.
The first one goes in near perfectly, bouncing onto Ellie’s tongue.
“Boosh!”
“Lucky shot, lucky shot,” Ellie says around her mouthful of chocolate, and gets her own ammo ready. “My turn. Open up and prepare to be wowed.”
They go back and forth a few times, giggling and ribbing each other. They’re close enough to see each other and touch legs if they stretch out, but far enough to make it a little challenging. Ellie is quietly exuberant when she pulls off a perfect shot, which she does three out of four times. The fourth time, Riley sees the chocolate going wide, and cranes her neck to catch it between her lips in what was a pretty heroic save, if anyone asks her.
“Oh my god,” Ellie chortles. “Are you actually helping me to kick your ass right now?”
“Pfffft. It was just reflex.”
“You totally are! You are such a goner.”
“You wish!” Riley feels her cheeks getting a little warm, even as her heart contracts painfully. She is going to miss this, so much. “Come on, do over. That one didn’t count.”
She gets into position, stock still and mouth wide, but realises after a few seconds that Ellie has lowered her arm. She’s got that look about her face, where she bites on her lip and looks out through her lashes. Riley straightens, sensing the charge in the air between them.
“What is it?”
“Promise me…” Ellie pauses, and seems to gather her words. Her fingers are twisting in her lap. “Promise me that you won’t stop, okay?”
“Stop… stop what?”
“You know. Saving up.” Ellie smiles, and jerks her head gently towards the south. Though they can’t see it from here, Riley knows that she’s pointing to one of those big billboards they always used to look at. A sunny beach, warm ocean, swaying trees. Everything they’ve never known. “Every penny, right? Don’t stop saving up. This… this isn’t your fault, and I want you to go one day, okay?”
The moon casts a pearly light over her face, making her skin wax pale and unearthly. Riley can hardly bear to look at her. Time is passing so slowly, but it won’t last forever, and Ellie is making her stare in the face of what she’ll need to do. She hasn’t had a chance to think about that yet: the fact that if she ever gets out of this city, out of this life, she’ll be doing it alone.
“I will,” she says, finally looking Ellie in the eyes. They’re greener than ever in the moonlight. “I promise.”
Ellie exhales, so long and deep she might have been holding her breath for a century. She gives Riley a quick nod, as if to say thank you, and then raises her throwing arm once again.
“Okay, let me shut you up once and for all. This stuff is gonna melt into a useless mess soon.”
There’s a quip on the tip of Riley’s lips, just the right measure of teasing and sarcastic, but it trips up around her tongue on the way out. The moonlight is glancing off of Ellie’s arm, luminous white on tan skin. The bite-mark stands out starkly, and Riley stares.
“Hold up… wait!”
Ellie lowers her arm as Riley scrambles over, sneakers scuffling on the dirt floor. “What’s the matter?”
“Your arm, it…” Carefully, a cloud of confusion rising in her throat, she cups Ellie’s wrist in one hand and her elbow in the other, and looks down at the place where the runner left its mark. No… she hadn’t seen wrong. “The wound, it looks the same. Well, I mean, it looks a little different, but not in the way it should.”
Ellie looks down at the broken skin, and then back at Riley. She looks uncomfortable as she shrugs, and speaks slowly.
“Yeah, I guess so. I figure I’ll start turning gross tomorrow or something.”
“No, it doesn’t… it doesn’t work like that.” Riley keeps her hold on Ellie’s arm, careful not to actually touch the bite, but staring at it as if it can tell her something. “I’ve seen the pamphlets, I’ve read the literature. The Fireflies are still looking for a cure; they’ve got a bunch of that stuff. What’s it been, eighteen, nineteen hours? Everywhere from your wrist to your elbow should be completely fucked up. But it just looks… it’s practically normal.”
Riley’s heart is thudding curiously, both with bewilderment and shock and… she doesn’t know what else. She can’t believe it’s taken her this long to notice. But then again, she had been trying not to look at it much, except for quick little glances so she could be on her guard when the time was approaching. And somehow, she’d managed to miss the fact that nothing was happening.
Ellie looks unsure.
“Well, whatever. I mean…” She tugs her arm away and folds it across her chest, but Riley can’t stop herself from staring at the place where she thinks it should be. “Doesn’t matter what it looks like. Everyone turns within two days, right?”
The wall is rough and cold against her back. Riley leans back, chewing on her bottom lip. She knows the facts, she’s got her own dad as an example, but she can’t stop thinking about the puncture marks on Ellie’s arm, and the smooth, uninfected skin around it.
“…Right.”
~~~
12 HOURS
Ellie is sleeping and Riley cries.
Only a little; she knows it won’t take much to wake Ellie, who’d been antsy enough about resting as it was. She thought that she might turn in her sleep, and awake to find that Riley had also dozed off, and God knew what would happen then. But that’s one thing she doesn’t have to fret about. Riley’s too wired to sleep, too worried, too keyed up with the knowledge that all of this is entirely her fault.
She keeps going over it in her head, now that she has the time to herself to pause and do so. If she hadn’t lit up the mall. If she hadn’t played the stupid song. If she hadn’t let that thing touch Ellie. If she hadn’t done any of that, they might be at Marlene’s right now, trying to convince her to let Riley off the hook. Ellie would probably be cussing her out, fighting her tooth and nail. Instead, she’s curled up in a corner with only Riley’s jacket to cover her as the day fades to dusk, thirty six hours or less away from dying.
But who’s counting, right?
Riley sniffs quietly, wiping at her eyes with her forearm. Marlene’s people will be out looking for her now; she’d missed the appointed time for the pickup a few hours ago. She also still has their gun. That, she holds tightly in her other hand. A part of her is still a little scared that Ellie will somehow get a hold of it and use it on herself. She can’t take that chance.
It’s going to happen, though. Try as she might to avoid it or think around it, Riley knows that this can only end in one of two ways. One, she kills Ellie. Two, Ellie turns her and they both die when the monsters take over their minds. She can’t allow the second scenario to happen because a promise is a promise. Either way, she’s losing something precious, and sooner or later, time will run out. She doesn’t regret waiting it out; there’s not a universe out there in which she could have decided otherwise. But she knows, knows it in the pit of her stomach where that knot is ever tightening, that this is going to be the hardest thing she’s ever done.
With her father, it had been… different. Everything had happened so fast, almost too fast for her to process what needed to be done. But then, she’d had her mother’s dying, twitching body to nudge her along, her father’s snarling advance as he fought through the obstacles she’d managed to put in his path. And by the time he made it to her… that hadn’t been her dad anymore.
But right now, Ellie sleeps, and regardless of what she’s going to turn into, she’s still the same girl Riley’s always known, and she’s going to keep being her until she’s just… not.
That hurts the most.
Riley dabs at her eyes again, listening to the rumble of a truck going past down below, and that’s when Ellie begins to stir. She can’t really do much to hide the fact that she’s been crying, so she doesn’t try. She watches as Ellie stretches, curls into a sitting position, and rubs at her eyes. One of her hands instinctively goes to the wound, now turning pink and faded looking. She’d scrubbed it out as soon as they’d found water that looked clean enough, as well as gotten rid of any traces of blood on her.
“How long have I been out?” Her voice croaks a little, with sleepiness and probably thirst. Riley rolls their bottle of water across to her.
“Not long. A few hours. Look, the sun’s just about finished setting.”
They watch the end of its descent together. Riley uses her t-shirt to discreetly wipe the last of the moisture from her face; Ellie, of course, catches it anyway. Her only reaction is to toss Riley’s jacket back across to her, which she accepts with a nod. After that, Ellie takes small sips from the bottle of water and Riley pretends not to notice the sad glances she throws her way, and neither of them speaks until the last strains of sunlight are all gone.
“You’ll need to get some rest too,” Ellie remarks, rubbing briskly at her arms.
“I will, don’t worry. I’m pretty badass at the whole catnapping thing.”
Ellie snorts. “What’s badass about napping?”
“Are you kidding?” Riley shakes her head. “How about everything? It’s an art, especially when you can do it on command.”
“Eh. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
There’s a beat. Riley tries to hold it in, and does a pretty good job at it at first. But then Ellie smirks, showing her teeth mischievously, and then Riley’s laughing anyway, hand to stomach.
“Oh my god… that was soooooo bad.”
“Bad?” Ellie sounds offended. “Now who’s kidding who? Napping, whatever helps you sleep at night… that was classic!”
Riley laughs again, wider this time. It’s the first time she’s done so since it happens, and while it almost feels like a betrayal of the seriousness of the shit that they’re in, it feels so good, to do something so normal. These are the moments that make it worth it, that remind her why they’re here. Every second.
“Hey… you’ve still got the pun book with you, right?”
It only takes a few seconds for Ellie to reach into her back pocket and whip it out. “Right here.”
“Well, what are you waiting for? Lay one on me.”
Ellie looks delighted, and clears her throat importantly as she opens it up to a random page.
“Okay, get ready for this… Two beards get into a brawl at a facial hair convention.” She pauses to waggle her eyebrows. “A guard comes up to them and says, ‘I’m sorry sirs, but I moustache you to leave.’”
“Ohhhhhh nice!” Riley laughs, scooting closer. “Come on, gimme another.”
~~~
3 HOURS
In the space of time it takes them to leave the mall, scrounge up some supplies and find a hiding place on a rooftop where they’ll be safe from the city’s pests — military and inhuman alike — Ellie changes her mind four times.
“Listen, Riley…” She cups her fingers around the wound, obscuring it from view. Riley is kicking old cans and wrappers out of the nook they’ve found behind a few crates, but keeps Ellie within sight out of the corner of her eyes. With her arm across her stomach like that, she looks as if she’s trying to barricade herself from Riley. “You should really just go. I can handle it.”
Riley stays silent, clearing out the garbage, but that doesn’t deter her.
“I’m serious. Like, this is fucking nuts. We don’t know how much time I’ve got. I could turn, overpower you and bite you, and then where would we be?”
“I don’t know.” Riley looks through the food they have. A stolen bottle of water, a few stolen packets of jerky, a chocolate bar she’d had tucked away in her jacket. She’d meant to give it to Ellie some time during the night. “It’d be kinda poetic, losing our minds together.”
Ellie makes a sound that could be part annoyance, part frustration, and drops to sit on the floor. Riley busies herself with herding all the trash into a pile far away from their corner, and then turns back to her friend. A hand is covering her eyes, as if from the sun, and she refuses to turn in Riley’s direction.
“Just… gimme the gun and go. Or keep the gun, whatever, I’ll figure something out, but just… you can’t do this, Riley.”
On the contrary, it’s the only thing she can do. Riley would like to say that, but swallows the words.
“Kinda ironic huh?” she gives in their place, with a little smile. “A few hours ago you asked me to do the exact opposite thing.”
Ellie drags her hand from her eyes and glances at her, shaking her head.
“That was different. It was another fucking life.”
“I don’t care.” Riley comes to a crouch in front of her. “I made a promise when I took off that pendant, and I’m gonna keep it. I’m not leaving you.”
If anything, Ellie just looks more frustrated.
“Riley…”
“Who’s your favourite member of the Authority?”
The interruption throws Ellie for a second. She blinks, green eyes misted with confusion.
“What...?”
“The comic book, the one I lent you before I left?” Riley gives an encouraging nod, and sees when Ellie remembers what she’s talking about. “Yeah, superhero jerks in a spaceship. I never got the chance to ask you what you thought about it. Who’s your favourite?”
Ellie’s brows draw down.
“Why the hell are you asking me about a comic book?”
“Come on.” It’s almost a plea. “Just humour me, yeah? It wasn’t that long ago, I bet you can remember.”
Ellie drags her hands over her hair, shaking her head as she does. Her fingers scrabble at the back of her head to pull her hair out of its ponytail and then fix it back, only marginally neater than before. Riley doesn’t stop looking at her as she does. Their eyes lock, and Ellie sighs and heaves her shoulders.
“I don’t know… the Midnighter guy was really cool, but I think my favourite’s Swift. I remember thinking it’d be pretty awesome to have wings and a boob job. And she kicked some serious ass.”
She raises her eyebrows in a ‘happy now?’ kind of way. Riley grins, nodding.
“Good. That’s awesome, I love Swift.” Her chest feels tight. “That’s one thing I didn’t know about you a minute ago, and now I do. I might’ve never known it, but now I do. See?”
A beat passes in silence before Ellie’s mouth twists into the tiniest smile. She sighs again, almost resigned.
“Yeah, I see.”
Riley punches her gently on the shoulder.
“Good. Now your turn. Ask me something.” She shifts until she’s sitting right next to Ellie on the grimy floor, arm pressed against Ellie’s uninjured arm.
“Uh, I don’t know. Why are you so freaking stubborn?” Ellie shoots at her. Her smile grows into a little smirk.
“Osmosis, I’m guessing,” Riley quips back, rolling her eyes. “Had to happen eventually, after spending all that time with you.”
“Ha ha.” Her tone is dry, but her features are quickly turning serious again. “But okay, if we’re doing this, you’re going to have to promise me something.”
Riley hesitates, then nods. “Shoot.”
Ellie takes a deep breath, and draws her knees up to her chest. Another barrier.
“Whatever happens, whatever it comes down to… you gotta use it, okay?” She nods to the gun, tucked into the waist of Riley’s jeans. “You gotta promise me you won’t let me hurt you. I know it’s a lot to ask,” she continues, raising her voice when Riley would interrupt, “but… please. This’ll all be for nothing if not. You’ve got to make it out of this. So, for me, okay?”
Riley stares at Ellie, and for a brief moment, she’s no longer on a dingy rooftop high up with the sun playing on her best friend’s hair. She’s nine, standing over her mother’s ruined body with a shotgun in her hands, sobbing as she begs her father to come to his senses; sobbing as she realises what she’ll have to do.
She brushes the memory aside.
“Yeah,” she agrees, swallowing. “I promise.”
Ellie holds her eyes for a few more seconds before nodding, satisfied.
“Thanks.” She leans against the crate, and then tilts her head at Riley. “C’mon, ask me something else. We’ve got the time.”
~~~
0 HOURS
The first thing to go is the crate next to her legs; Ellie aims a vicious kick at it and sends it flying into splinters. Second is one of those little ceramic animals that they use for— fuck if Riley knows, but it’s gone now, crashed to the ground with its insides open to the air. After that, Ellie finds the iron pipe, and for a few minutes, the awful cacophony in Riley’s chest finds accompaniment in the sounds of her best friend destroying everything within her reach.
Soon, it proves too much for her.
“Ellie…” she says, reaching forward, and hates how her voice breaks. Ellie throws a glance her way, eyes wet, and then immediately backs up, putting distance between herself and Riley. She can see the bite mark, gory red against tan, and the cold feeling that’s been creeping within her ever since she first saw it spreads a little further.
“Don’t,” Ellie says. Her voice is very small and very hard, and only trembles a little. Riley knows what she’s trying to do, and it breaks her heart.
“I can’t get infected from touching you, Ellie.” She approaches again, only for Ellie to back up a few more paces.
“I—I know that, I know, but just… stay the fuck back, okay?” Riley’s never seen Ellie look so afraid, but she’s also never seen her look so determined. “Not you. Just… not you.”
Her eyes fill up with tears that are angrily dashed away before they can spill over, and not even a horde of Infected could keep Riley away now. She grabs Ellie by the hand and tugs her forward, fights back against her protests and struggles, and pulls her head down to her shoulder. Riley can feel the beginning of a sting behind her own eyes, and fiercely blinks it away. She can’t; she won’t let Ellie see her like that.
“Fuck,” Ellie explodes softly. Riley can feel her breath puff through her t-shirt, and her throat sounds wrecked with unshed tears. “What are we—shit, Riley, what am I gonna do?”
She pulls back, and there’s not a part of Riley that doesn’t hurt to see the expression on her face. Defeated, scared, angry, and yet managing to hold it all together, because that’s what Ellie does. She keeps it together. Her teeth sink into her bottom lip, and her eyes seem to pierce straight through her.
Riley swallows.
“The way I see it, there are two options. One…” She can’t bring herself to hold the gun up to Ellie’s line of sight, and instead nods at it where it hangs limply at her side. “It’d be quick, it’d be…” Painless is on the edge of her tongue, but she can’t force it out. “It’d be the easy way out.”
Ellie sniffs. She’s not looking at Riley anymore, but she nods.
“I—”
“I am not a fan of option one,” Riley interrupts, more forcefully than she’d intended. “There’s still option two. We fight.”
“Fight? Fight for what? I’m gonna turn into one of those things!”
The knot of ice in Riley’s stomach goes colder, but she pushes it away.
“We don’t know how much… we don’t know how much time you have left. We don’t know how much time I have left. There are a million different ways we could’ve died before tonight, a million different ways we could die tomorrow. So we fight for every single second we get to spend together.” She touches her pinky finger to Ellie’s palm. “Every second. I don’t wanna give that up.”
Ellie’s face is crumbling again.
“We can’t…”
“Wait it out? Yeah, we can.”
“Riley, no!” Ellie pulls her hand away. The wound has stopped bleeding, mostly, but she still presses her palm against it, as if trying to push the blood back in. “It’s too dangerous, something could go wrong and I could…” She shakes her head. “Fuck no. Just… you’ve got the gun, you should just… do it now, get it ov—”
“I won’t.” The thought of it makes bile rise in Riley’s throat, makes her want to smash the firearm against the ground. Marlene would kill her, but she doesn’t care. “You can’t ask me to do that, not while you’re still… don’t ask me to do that, Ellie.”
Ellie ghosts a hand over her forehead and then through her hair, not caring that she smears blood over them both. Shuffling away, she slumps against the crates on the ground.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” she says, voice small.
“I don’t want to hurt you either,” Riley whispers, coming to rest in a crouch in front of her. She touches her hand again, and Ellie looks up. Her eyes, usually a shade of green that Riley would know anywhere, are turning golden and amber and grey in the rising sunlight, shifting and glimmering with colour. Like the sea.
“Every second,” Riley insists, closer to tears than ever before, and she sees it the moment Ellie gives in. She swallows, and nods shakily.
“Every second,” she promises. Riley tugs her closer, hugs her once more. She’s trembling slightly, and that only makes Riley cling tighter to her. Heart thudding, she makes a promise of her own. Whatever happens, she’s going to take care of Ellie.