Chapter Text
Pacing. He was pacing now. Why the fuck was this making him so nervous? Maybe he was just letting his paranoia get to him. He was letting it get to him, just like he always did. Glancing back to his communication device, his stomach turned at the sight of the messages on the screen. If Rebelgram was indeed monitored by a third party, they were undoubtedly laughing their asses off.
XEFROS: did i mess up again? X:(
XEFROS: or
XEFROS: or is this a test? oh man. i forgot again didn't i?
DAMMEK: n0 its n0t a test. but iF it was this w0ud be pretty bad. luckily we're n0t in any danger. at least n0t yet anyways.
DAMMEK: i t0ld y0u that y0u need t0 be m0re careFul xeFr0s. its n0t that diFFicult.
XEFROS: oh. ok.
XEFROS: sorry X:(
XEFROS: but if that wasn't a test, what was it? were you being serious?
XEFROS: ...
XEFROS: or wait i get it!
DAMMEK: y0u d0.
XEFROS: ya!
DAMMEK: 0h.
DAMMEK: s0 then is there anything y0ud like to say.
DAMMEK: any c0mments. id really like t0 kn0w.
DAMMEK: its very imp0rtant.
XEFROS: ya! i feel the Xact same way!
XEFROS: X;)
DAMMEK: xeFr0s i d0nt think y0u get it. nevermind.
XEFROS: oh man. so then this really was a test X:(
XEFROS: i forgot again.
XEFROS: sorry.
XEFROS: are you there?
XEFROS: i'll try not to mess up neXt time!
XEFROS: tetrarch?
XEFROS: i'll give you some space. sorry i disappointed you.
XEFROS: again X:(
Dammek had confessed that he was experiencing some red feelings towards Xefros, and the rust boy thought he was being tested. Fuck. Just this one time, could he forget about the tests? No, he couldn't. Dammek had drilled it into Xefros' head that keeping things coded was the key to getting messages across. The last thing Xefros would've expected was an honest confession about emotions. That just was so... not like Dammek.
Angered, he decided that it was Xefros' fault, and not his. Xefros should've known that his message was meant to be taken literally. Shouldn't he have known? The bronze troll flipped the screen around so the he couldn't see the messages any more. They were only making him feel worse. How was he supposed to confront Xefros? Should he even bother?
Dammek was well aware of Xefros' crush on him. At first he just found it amusing, but that was the extent of it. If anything, the only thing he hoped to gain out of it was further loyalty to the rebellion from Xefros. Of course, another perk to this would be a dedicated butler to boss around. With the rust troll horns-over-heels for him, he would never have to worry about cooking or chores or any of that ridiculousness.
Things had changed, however. The past few wipes, he was he was feeling... different about it. It was a gut-wrenching 'different'. He was finding little things about Xefros to genuinely appreciate. His good-mannered attitude. How humble he could be. How excited he got when the topic came to Arena Stickball. The cute little face he made when he was concentrating on his telekinesis powers. Oh god, Dammek thought. Shit.
Being moirails, kissing and cuddling would be seen as inappropriate, or at the very least, pushing the very boundaries of the quadrant altogether. Dammek never really cared about the quadrants like that, though. If he wanted to hold his moirail's hand and all that cheesy shit? Well damn it, why could he not? What was the harm? Xefros might've cared about quadrant norms, but Dammek didn't.
He had it bad. As difficult as it was to push the thought away, he definitely had it bad. He had never experienced flushed feelings before. What was he supposed to do?
----
Perhaps it was the stress he had been under lately, or perhaps it was just that he was running out of codes. Whatever it was, Xefros was certain that Dammek had been testing him. There was no way, not in a million sweeps, that they had a mutual flushcrush going on. No way! Dammek didn't have time for that kind of stuff. Besides, they were 'rails. Hypothetically speaking, even if he did have red feeling for anyone - which Xefros highly doubted - the tetrarch boy would never come forward about it. He looked at quadrants a little differently.
Xefros loved the idea of quadrants. There were four to fill! Four different types of romance to experience. Like most trolls his age, he had filled his pale quadrant first. Moirails were said to be "fated friends", and so more often than not, two moirails would find each other and pursue their quadrant at a younger age, than, say, matesprites would.
That's what he and Dammek were: moirails. They had been together for as long as Xefros could remember. When they were younger, and when things were different, Dammek and Xefros always had each other's backs. If anything was troubling Xefros, Dammek was quick to comfort him. Similarly, if anything was troubling Dammek, Xefros was the first to know. For some reason, they had always been drawn to each other for that kind of support, and as time went on, they remained closer than ever. When the right time came along, Xefros had proposed a moirallegiance to Dammek, and the two had continued from there.
Although things were different now, with Dammek becoming increasingly controlling in nature, they still held up their quadrant. Xefros just brushed it off when he was refused a comforting pap or two. He knew how busy Dammek was. Aiding in the launch of a full scale rebellion probably didn't leave one enough time to worry about such things, which Xefros decided was okay.
However, Xefros had begun to feel differently about his moirail lately. Well, maybe 'lately' should be replaced with 'for a long time now'. There were so many good things about Dammek that Xefros absolutely loved! Xefros loved how brave he was. Sometimes, he wished that he could be like that, too. Of course, if he were brave and smart like that, the two of them probably wouldn't have been moirails. After all, "opposites attract", right? He was mostly thankful for that difference among them.
There was a time when Xefros and Dammek were discussing typing quirks, back when they were younger and still trying to figure them out. The rust boy could mostly remember how the conversation had went down:
DAMMEK: well F0r my quirk i just th0ught hey why n0t reFerence my sign 0r whatever. a l0t 0F trolls d0 that i think.
XEFROS: that's what i did, too! with all the X's and stuff.
XEFROS: i'm still trying to figure out a face, though.
DAMMEK: a Face.
XEFROS: ya! like a little face to use. ive seen some trolls do that.
XEFROS: it'd just be something special to have, you know?
DAMMEK: 0h i kn0w what y0u mean.
DAMMEK: like this. >:]
DAMMEK: 0r like.
DAMMEK: :o)
DAMMEK: :33
DAMMEK: }:)
DAMMEK: 38)
DAMMEK: 0_0
DAMMEK: (:B
DAMMEK: yeah y0u sh0uld use 0ne.
XEFROS: what about this X_X
DAMMEK: n0 y0u l00k dead.
XEFROS: oh you're right haha
XEFROS: what about XvX
DAMMEK: thats kind 0F creepy and y0u still l00k dead. n0.
XEFROS: ok...
XEFROS: this X:)
XEFROS: hey are you there?
XEFROS: dammek?
DAMMEK: yeah use that 0ne. its nice.
XEFROS: ok!
XEFROS: i could also use this X:(
DAMMEK: well that 0nes g00d t00 i guess.
DAMMEK: but i like it when y0u smile.
XEFROS: ok!
XEFROS: X:)
He couldn't recall the rest of it. That incident had made him blush, although only a little. He wasn't sure why, but he liked it when the tetrarch said he liked it when he smiled. If that makes sense? It made Xefros feel a little warm feeling in his chest. He didn't know what to make of it at the time, he was a little too young to understand how crushes work.
Of course, upon growing up a little, Xefros was becoming more and more aware of his feelings. When he had been (literally) hanging out in his lusus's tree one time, he had glanced around the neighborhood and witnessed two trolls who were embracing just outside a hive. He watched as the boy troll took the girl troll by the hand, and they went inside the hive, chattering away. They appeared to be long-distance matesprites, from what he could tell. (Maybe they were catching up?) He couldn't really make out their words.
After witnessing it, he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be in a red quadrant with another troll. He was still too young, of course, to pursue such a quadrant, but that didn't stop him from wondering. What he did know, was that he had definitely taken a liking to boys over girls. So he could imagine that in the future, he would probably end up with boy troll. He had shifted around on the tree branch and now had Dammek's hive in his field of vision.
He let himself imagine that he was running up to Dammek's hive, and as he got closer, he imagined that Dammek would swing the door open and catch him in a big hug, much like the couple he had just witnessed. He imagined the two of them holding hands as they walked towards Dammek's hive, chattering much like the two matesprites. He imagined them sharing a small, light kiss before they went inside. And then he had fallen off of the tree branch.
Snapping back to the present, Xefros was growing a bit more worried. Dammek hadn't messaged him back after he failed the test, which probably meant that he was angry. The rust boy was sure that he had really screwed it up this time. Maybe, he thought, if I go and find a chore to do for him, he won't be so mad?
He hadn't been to Dammek's hive too often. The exceptions were band practice and things like that, but he generally preferred not to hang out in that filthy nuclear bunker. The clutter really bothered him, especially since he was so adjusted to his tidy hive. He wouldn't spend his time there unless that was what the tetrarch wanted. Right now, Xefros was pretty sure that his presence wasn't wanted there at the moment, especially not after he had failed another test. He just hoped that it would blow over like it normally did: Dammek would ignore him for a while, then pay a surprise visit and criticize him for his ignorance. Except this time, it might take a few extra days of butlering to make up for this failure.
The red blood let out a sigh. He really admired Dammek, but sometimes it was so difficult to deal with him. Whenever Xefros messed up like this, he was met by sharp words and harsh put-downs. Which, in all actuality, he was accustomed to, with his position on the blood caste. Technically, as a bronze blood, Dammek had every right to say the things he did to Xefros. Even though he was only a rung higher than Xefros, and still considered just as disposable among the nobles, it was still Dammek's right by blood to say whatever the hell he wanted to him. Xefros's entire caste, the burgundy bloods, were the lowest in rank and had no rights. Their only purpose seemed to be playing the role of the servant or being killed for fun. Whichever came first.
Still, it was upsetting to hear such things from his moirail. They were supposed to support and pacify each other, not break each other down. Treating someone who was beneath you on the hemospectrum like that went directly against the ideals they were trying to fight. Dammek had put a lot on Xefros's shoulders. He expected Xefros to continue his work, should something happen to him. If he messed up just one little thing, that was enough to make Dammek go off on him about how he 'obviously wasn't taking this seriously and needed to grow the fuck up.'
Xefros stood up from the loungeplank. He decided to seek out his lusus for some comfort. Slowdad seemed to think that naps made everything better, and quite frankly, Xefros couldn't argue with that logic. He turned towards the window and could see a bit of sunlight poking through. It was getting late, and he could use the sleep. Maybe he would feel a little better about his screw-up tomorrow night.
Finding Slowdad snoozing in the corner of his respiteblock, the troll joined him by slumping his body against the beast. He was glad that he could sleep wherever he wanted, thanks to Dammek. Slowdad let out a friendly grunt, and turned on his side so that Xefros could lay more comfortably.
----
DAMMEK: F0r the time being there will be n0 c0des.
DAMMEK: can y0u c0mprehend that 0r d0 i need t0 dumb it d0wn F0r y0u.
XEFROS: sure! no codes! got it.
DAMMEK: s0 y0u understand that this is n0t a test.
XEFROS: ya!
DAMMEK: s0 y0ull take my w0rds literally then.
DAMMEK: and actually give me a resp0nse that is als0 n0t in c0de.
DAMMEK: because like i said there will be n0 m0re c0des until i say s0.
DAMMEK: ive decided that the t0pic 0F discussi0n is saFe en0ugh F0r us t0 talk ab0ut with0ut c0ding everything.
DAMMEK: please tell me that y0u understand what im telling y0u. i will n0t repeat myselF because 0F y0ur ign0rance.
DAMMEK: answer me.
XEFROS: sorry! slowdad was giving me issues.
XEFROS: i understand, no codes X:)
XEFROS: so we can just... talk normally?
DAMMEK: i h0ped y0u w0uld've underst00d that. i gave y0u plenty 0F c0ntext.
DAMMEK: yes. we are talking n0rmally. F0r the time being.
XEFROS: ok! sorry.
DAMMEK: 0kay remember 0ur c0nversati0n Fr0m a Few days ag0.
XEFROS: yes X:)
XEFROS: ah well i think i remember
XEFROS: which conversation? we have a lot of those! X:0
DAMMEK: that wasnt a questi0n i was telling y0u t0 remember.
DAMMEK: the imp0rtant thing we were talking ab0ut.
XEFROS: we talk about a lot of important things
XEFROS: i don't remember which important thing i'm supposed to be remembering! X:( i'm sorry!
DAMMEK: xeFr0s i swear y0u d0 this stupid shit 0n purp0se.
DAMMEK: scr0ll up thr0ugh the text l0g until y0u Figure it 0ut. i speciFically menti0ned its imp0rtance.
DAMMEK: y0u lack the capacity t0 retain even the simplest Fucking things.
DAMMEK: even after i stated its imp0rtance. what are y0u g0ing t0 d0 when the real tests start. when its liFe 0r death.
DAMMEK: ...
DAMMEK: F0r Fucks sake xeFr0s. did y0u Find it.
XEFROS: ya! i think i got it!
XEFROS: you were all:
XEFROS: "xeFr0s there is s0mething we have t0 discuss."
XEFROS: and i was all:
DAMMEK: st0p it.
DAMMEK: i get the p0int. unlike y0u i d0n't have diFFiculty recalling such things.
XEFROS: sorry tetrarch! X:(
XEFROS: ok, i remember. what do you want me to do now?
DAMMEK: this is getting ridicul0us.
DAMMEK: xeFr0s.
DAMMEK: i t0ld y0u that i was experiencing what y0u call a Flushcrush.
DAMMEK: i t0ld y0u that my Flushed Feelings were speciFically inclined t0wards y0u. it was just s0mething i Felt sh0uld be addressed.
DAMMEK: xeFr0s i really like y0u 0kay. i just th0ught y0u sh0uld be aware 0F this.
DAMMEK: give me y0ur input.
XEFROS: ...no codes?
DAMMEK: did we n0t already establish that.
XEFROS: no we did!
DAMMEK: then give me y0ur input. is there anything y0ud like t0 say about it.
DAMMEK: answer me.
DAMMEK: xeFr0s.
A few minutes had gone by now, and there was still no reply from the rust troll. Dammek was getting frustrated at this point. He just needed to know what Xefros thought about this. It wasn't that hard for Xefros to say that he felt the same way and wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with him. It really wasn't that hard. All Dammek wanted was the confirmation. That was all he wanted, right?
The thing is, he already had that confirmation. Xefros's feelings were obvious, any troll with two working eyes and a pinch of common sense could figure that out. There were so many little cues that hinted at it.
He glanced at the monitor that displayed Xefros's hive on a live feed. He could see that the troll was in his respiteblock, pacing back and forth, fidgeting his hands every now and then. He watched as Xefros put his hands on his face, which was looking a bit flushed, and muttered something towards the ground. Even the way he was worrying about things was endearing to Dammek. It made his chest feel a little warm and fuzzy and- I need to stop, he thought.
Dammek lifted his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a sigh. What did he want, then? He didn't want to use quadrants to define where they stood with each other. Matespriteship would imply romance, of course, which was what Dammek wanted, but to pursue that quadrant they would have to give up their moirallegiance. Kismesissitude would imply that they were in competition with each other while simultaneously wanting to have make-out sessions. They had no use for auspisticism, being that it was just the two of them and they weren't caliginous towards each other.
Why did their society have to water things down to four feelings? It was so petty. Dammek just wanted to spend time with Xefros, the same as they usually did, still being bros, but with more cuddling. Dammek wanted to cuddle. With Xefros. He wanted to be sitting on a loungeplank, watching a movie, with Xefros laying on him. Of all things an apathetic asshole could want, he wanted to cuddle.
He was beginning to feel sick. Why did he feel like this? He didn't have time to feel like this.
When he accepted the role as one of the tetrarchs, he had agreed that redrom partners were irrelevant to their tasks and should not be sought out. The other three tetrarchs were matespriteless. Why couldn't he just ignore his stupid feelings like the rest of them?
He couldn't ignore them because trying to ignore them only made them worse. He wanted to march over to Xefros's hive right now. He wanted to cup his face with his hands and kiss him. He wanted to pull him close and just hold him. He wanted to give him kisses on the forehead while he slept and listen to him talk about sports in that enthusiastic voice that he used. He wanted Xefros to hold his hand and lean his head on his shoulder. Oh god did he want that. Dammek wanted to see Xefros's smile and hear his laugh without it making him have to suppress his own for the sake of looking 'tough'.
He had been sitting there for a while now, just trying to contemplate things, face flushing madly. His thoughts were disturbed when his communication tablet lit up with a message.
XEFROS: can you come over?
Dammek paused. His stomach turned.
He wanted to back out of it now. He wanted to forget that he had ever said anything. He wanted to push this flushcrush to the back of his mind and never bring it up again. He wanted to pretend he had no idea what Xefros was talking about. He almost wanted to ignore Xefros altogether. Suddenly, he didn't want to talk about it with him. He didn't want to see Xefros right now. He just... he wanted him to...
DAMMEK: n0.
XEFROS: oh. ok.
XEFROS: then i'll just... i'll just come to you. maybe we should talk about this in person?
XEFROS: be there in a sec!
DAMMEK: n0. i didnt invite y0u. d0 n0t c0me 0ver here. i d0nt want t0 see y0u.
XEFROS: im almost there. can we just talk?
DAMMEK: g0 away.
----
It had been weeks.
Three weeks since his moirail had abandoned him, to be exact. Xefros had counted. He had never felt so... without purpose. Perhaps that was the term.
He was so used to Dammek planning a schedule for him. He didn't even know what to do with his time. He had started missing Arena Stickball practice. Dammek usually reminded him.
He hadn't practiced his butlering, either. He didn't really have anyone to bark orders at him, which was nice, but it still left him feeling a little empty. He hadn't been called for band practice, and hadn't been asked to reenact any cool movie scenes. There was a constant load of free time. No one had tried to contact him, none of the other trolls he knew. Usually Dammek would be the one to contact him about anything, but ever since he had told Xefros to go away, there had been only silence.
Now that he was so alone all the time, he had a lot of time to think in that silence. For one thing, his whole life had been revolving on what Dammek wanted him to do. It had always been 'Dammek this' and 'Dammek that'. He had become a dedicated follower to the idea of the rebellion, not to their cause, but to Dammek. He did whatever Dammek told him to do. He was always right there when Dammek wanted something. He always had to answer to Dammek. Dammek this, Dammek that.
Dammek. Dammek. Dammek. That was all he was allowed himself to pledge to.
Xefros hadn't made any attempts to contact him. He didn't want to. He spent most of his time in his respiteblock, just arranging and rearranging silverware. Occasionally he would bend a few spoons or lift a few forks, but... that was it. That was what he spent his time on.
He didn't sleep much during the days. Slowdad was becoming anxious, sometimes pacing around Xefros and nudging him with his face, just trying to get him to move. Xefros had resorted to occasionally locking the door to his respiteblock. He just didn't want to go anywhere else.
As far as he knew, him and Dammek were done. Xefros had started to partially blame himself for letting their moirallegiance fade away like that. Not that it wasn't already fading.
Maybe if he had just responded faster, or maybe if he hadn't seemed so indifferent about it, or maybe... He was so tired of thinking about it. It had struck him so strangely when Dammek had confessed... feelings for him? Actual feelings? He really wasn't ready for that. He didn't know what to say to it. He just... never expected it. He was letting himself walk around with this crush on Dammek, unknowingly being crushed on as well. How long had he felt that way?
Why did Xefros feel so... bad when he found out? His face had grown red, sure, and his heart had fluttered a little bit, but deep down it was almost a disappointment. He had begun pacing in his respiteblock, cursing and muttering. He didn't know how to respond. He didn't understand why he felt so bad that the troll he was flushed for actually liked him back.
Maybe it was because he just didn't expect a burgundy blood like himself to actually have such feelings reciprocated. Or maybe he was just feeling the effects of a quadrant vacillation, which often included such mixed feelings. Er, an almost quadrant vacillation.
His heart had sank when he was told to go away. He had been instructed to 'go away' before, but there was something about the given situation and chain of events that lead to Dammek saying it that caused Xefros to feel... permanently rejected?
He didn't want to think about it right now. Instead, he sat at his desk, fiddling with the silverware, arranging them into patterns and such. He lifted a spoon using telekinesis, concentrating on what he wanted it to do. It wobbled a little in the air, and slowly began to bend inwards. He kept concentrating on it, kept bending the damned thing. He allowed himself to temporarily forget about what happened with him and Dammek. His entire focus was on the spoon.
Eventually, it had curled so much that it snapped. Xefros, in his surprise, had let the dinnerware fragments drop to the desk in a metallic clatter. Whoa. That was new. Maybe all this practice had made his powers stronger? He had never broken a spoon before.
He couldn't help feeling a little bit of pride in this achievement. Maybe he'd make a useful butler to one of those snobby highbloods one day after all. He'd show 'em all how you bend a damn spoon. Snooty fuckers.
There was a grunting noise and scratching at the door, which Xefros knew all too well was coming from Slowdad. He sighed, turning to stand up. He couldn't shut out his lusus forever. As he opened the door, Slowdad shuffled into the room, shaking and panting. He ran to the creature, who couldn't seem to calm down. His white fur appeared a little dirty, which was unusual, considering the clean environment in which he lived. Normally, Slowdad was lazy and didn't move around very much. Currently, he was shuffling back and forth, shaking his head and making more distressed grunts.
"Whoa, whoa, easy there. What's wrong?" Xefros attempted to ask softly. He was only met with more grunting and shuffling.
Weird.
"Are you hurt?" he tried to ask. Slowdad stood up on his hind legs and grunted loudly. Xefros wasn't too sure if that was supposed to be a 'Yes, I'm in pain, please help me' or a 'Nah bro, I'm good. Just trying to cause a scene is all.' He didn't see any blood on Slowdad, which should mean that he wasn't injured.
A loud crash coming from downstairs made Xefros nearly jump out of his skin. Oh no oh no oh no oh god oh no is that a drone? Am I being attacked? He shakily poked his head into the hallway. Nothing.
He could still hear rustling and a few smaller crashes coming from below. In a panic, he realized that he had no way to defend himself. Maybe, if he was quick enough, he could grab his stickball bat from the rumpusroom. It wasn't really meant for beating the shit out of a drone, but it would have to do, he figured. He didn't want to leave Slowdad alone, but there was no way he could make the heavy creature move. In an attempt to hide his lusus (a little), Xefros stepped out of his respiteblock and shut the door. Taking a deep breath, he darted into the rumpusroom, closing the door behind him.
Quickly, he grabbed the stickball bat. He wasn't sure if he could even cause any real damage with it. It wasn't sharp or anything. It didn't fire any bullets. There were no blades on it. It was meant for sport, not for combat.
He pressed an ear to the door, listening for any more noises. Silence.
Carefully, quietly, he cracked the door open. If it was indeed a drone, there would be no hiding from it. It would tear his hive apart to snatch him up. He glanced around the hallway, which appeared to be empty. Drawing the bat back, he prepared himself to strike if necessary, and proceeded to exit the rumpusroom.
He was careful to step lightly, not wanting the clean floor to betray him by causing squeaks when he stepped on it. Finally, he had made it to the stairs. He still hadn't heard another noise. He peered down the stairway, looking for the danger. I wish I had Dammek with me right now.
After a few moments, a large beast came rumbling past the stairway, snarling and knocking things over. Xefros immediately recognized the creature.
"Stagdad? What..." he lowered the bat and stepped carefully down the stairs. The creature stopped and swiveled his head around at the sound of his name. Dammek's lusus?
Stagdad came up to Xefros and began to paw at the ground, making insistent growls. He, too, was slightly dirty, but this was normal for him given the cleanliness of his home. The rust boy tried to pat the beast on the head, but he kept dodging his hand. Xefros had only just noticed that Stagdad was missing his saddle. Normally, he he wore the saddle at all times in case Dammek needed to make a quick get-away.
Xefros tossed the stickball bat to the side and tried to examine the creature for injuries. He didn't see any blood or wounds on him. The deercat sniffed at the ground and then snorted. It was becoming agitated, Xefros could tell. Stagdad's demeanor was similar to that of Slowdad. He flickered his tail back and forth and walked behind Xefros. With a sudden shove, the creature forced Xefros to stumble forward.
"Hey!" the troll exclaimed. "Stop it - ow! Stagda- Hey! Quit!" Xefros's protests did little to stop the large deercat from shoving him towards the hive's exit and into the night.