Chapter Text
It was bright.
He wasn’t sure how or why he had gotten into this empty white space. While the sharp light around him didn’t hurt his eyes as it probably should, he was pulsating with a raw pain that was rocking through his whole body. For some reason it was impossible to fathom from where this pain was coming from as if it came from all sides at once.
Despite the pain, he felt both weightless and senseless. It was as if he was floating in this empty white space, disconnected from his own being and the whole world around him.
Was this the end…? Was this okay to give up after all he had been through? They had reached their goal, but what happened after was a blurry mess… Truths become lies, and lies turned out to be the uncovered truths. But both had little meaning for him now, after these twisted turns of events.
Maybe it was okay to let it stop now, after all he had been through. He hurt physically, and he felt increasingly exhausted. To the point where he closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable death, or where beings like him would end up crossing to after ceasing to exist.
He failed to notice the small traces of sound entering his small space, or how shadows morphed behind his eyelids to tell blurry outlines of something beyond this empty space. Before he knew it, his whole sense of being was getting more twisted as a sudden experience of vertigo hit him and shook him to his core.
Along with the sudden disorientation, a feeling as if being ice cold and submerged into boiling water washed over him. This feeling got increasingly overwhelming, mixed with the previous dull pain as his nerves screamed at the contact of the world around him.
It hurt. It hurt incredibly much as the pain washed over him in waves, gradually calming down as he got more accustomed to this feeling. For every wave the pain dulled a bit, and he was able to feel new sensations hit him slowly but surely.
His skin was feeling the contact of the crisp air around him and his back had a steady support from some sort of bed under him. So he was no longer floating in space, as he had previously believed, but lying somewhere .
He groaned as soon as his muscles allowed him to move, but it was more about him pressing out air while he was tense from this whole experience. If he could, he would have screamed sooner at the intense and raw pain. But something kept his muscles relaxed as he barely knew how to move his body anymore.
Just moving his fingers was a huge achievement for him in this state.
It felt like he could, at most, twitch his fingers before his nerves and muscles screamed in pain and forced him to lie still. He still continuously made new attempts, to see if there was anything he could move. After a few attempts he noticed that he could probably try to part his closed eyes, somewhat surprised to notice that he have had his eyes closed all this time. This despite the piercing white light around him...
He slowly opened his eyes and he noticed that the white space he had previously been in had now changed. It was still very bright but all hazy since he didn’t even know how to focus his eyes at first. But soon he managed to see that there was indeed a shadow right above him, and he struggled to adjust his eyes to the closest object.
Although blurry, he saw a face right above his. Bright, purple eyes on a pale and expressionless face, framed with black hair and… Purple streaks? He wore a checkered scarf that added even more to the contrast... And Shuichi believed that he must have gone delirious at last.
Only one person would wear such a scarf, and Koikichi Oma was dead . There was no denying that fact, since he so clearly remembers the trial that had saved him a couple of days ago. He had, after all, helped solve the almost impossible murder of yet another classmate in that horrendous school.
That was back when he still believed he was a person with a reason to fight on to live . But the sight of the face above him made him happy enough to smile despite the pain that kept cutting into his skin. He heard a soft laughter before he realized that it was himself making that sound. He was laughing timidly at the realization of who was watching over his final moments.
This must be the form death had taken to guide him to the other side, and it was both cruel, yet considerate of him to take the form of the one that helped the small group of survivors save themselves from the eternal killing game. Or at least help them stop the eternal cycle of death that the game was about.
“Oh-- Hey!! Hey hey! Shuichi is finally awake!”
The form above him talked over his head, most likely to someone that accompanied him here. Shuichi tried to sit up to see who this avatar of death could be talking to, as his curiosity took the better hold of him.
But the moment he tries to flex the smallest muscle, he feels the raw pain introduce itself in a whole different level of hurt. He gasped out and before he knows it he feels a warm hand sternly press him down against the bed under him so he would lie still.
The shadow above him had been the one to reach out and he looked… concerned? It was uncharacteristic of Oma, and it squeezed his heart knowing he never got to see him for what he was. Last time they had talked he was convinced he was one of despair, and he never had a chance to properly talk to him after he… murdered himself.
“You are so terribly cruel, death…” Shuichi closed his eyes, just catching a glimpse of Omas expression before he felt his mind cloud over for what he assumed was the last time, but at least he could rest now with a soft smile on his lips.
***
“He certainly takes his time to recover...” Kaito groans as he looks through the window into the specialized hospital room. Inside he could see the form of his friend sleeping peacefully, with several machines surrounding him and monitoring his health.
“Hey now… He was the weakest attendant. I’m surprised he even made it through, after all that.” Maki sighs as she speaks softly, showing a rare but unsurprisingly soft side to her fellow survivor of the killing game.
“Yeah… But I know he will be fine! Shuichi is more dependable than you think. Right?” Kaede, the first contender to strike out as a blackened in the game smiles, despite her guilt being written all over her expression.
“Of course, that’s why he was my sidekick!” Kaito chuckles, and he smiles as he takes a step away from the window. “It has been a week since the last ones got out. I heard they ran into some trouble since so many at once had to get transferred at once... And, apparently they had to wait with Shuichi because of his… state.“ Kaito responded again, his expression more serious as he looked at the student inside the hospital room.
“He’s an idiot… If I knew he was this weak I would let him get out before me, the doctors be damned.” Maki sighs in frustration, only able to relax as Kaito gently pats her shoulder and Kaede comforting her with a gentle smile before speaking.
“... He was always very thoughtful of others. All the way through. And now we’ll just have to return the favor when he finally wakes up!” Kaede smiles and takes a step back with a sigh, doing her best to soothe her nerves and smile for the group still present this late in the evening. She didn’t want to show herself down around them, since she wanted them all to keep their hopes up!
“Well… Visitors time is over soon, so we ought to head out. … Hey... Oma, will you come with us?” She continued talking and turned around to look at the only student that had distanced himself from the late crowd. He was uncharacteristically quiet as he sipped on his panta and looked at his phone, only looking up after Kaede was talking to him.
And before they knew it, a wide grin grew over his face as he put his phone back in his pocket.
“Whoah! You want me to come with you Kaede? I thought you hated my guts to the core!” While his voice is excited, there is an undertone of toxicity that makes her flinch slightly and grow uncertain of what to say to that. Her guilt cast long shadows over her face as she tried to come up with something nice to respond to him, but her mind draws a complete blank.
“If you want to stay, we won’t stop you.” This time it was Maki who interrupted the conversation, saving Kaede from being completely speechless. “But if you run into trouble for staying late, we won’t help you.”
“Ahaha, no worries. I won’t do anything as lame as getting caught by some hospital personnel. Someone has to keep an eye on the star detective during the night.” He smiles, his voice lowering slightly as he looks at them with a sneaky look and finger against his lips.
“Aha! That is true! Well, Rantaro and Kirumi will be here early tomorrow and help you out, so, stay strong until then!” Kaito gave Ouma a thumbs up, eagerly trusting the boy and throwing both the girls off guard. But before Maki can object, Kaede smiles and nods. She fixes her backpack, ready to head out.
“Well then Koichi! give us a call if something happens then. So… Let’s go home before the others worry about us!”
***
He felt his consciousness float back to him again, barely filling his mind. His eyes fluttered uneasily but unable to open, at most making his eyebrows come together to form a frown. He’d been in and out of it a couple of times, but it all felt like a fever dream to him.
He could swear he had heard his classmates, his dead classmates , talk to him as if they were in the room with him. But he knew that it was impossible. He wished nothing more than to just transition past this phase and come to the next, no longer to be haunted by the long gone past.
This time as he came to, his body didn’t hurt nearly as much. He expected to drift away soon, but for some reason his presence stayed and he felt increasingly aware of his surroundings.
There was a gust of wind passing by his cheek from a nearby fan, and he could hear the steady beeps from the machines around him. There was something pressing over his finger; a heart rate monitor of some kind probably. Strangely this was familiar to his body, but not to himself as far as he knew...
Having not been this stable for a long time, he challenges himself by trying to open his eyes for once. They have only fluttered before, barely separating themselves as he came to consciousness. That had not been a problem, but trying to open them presented itself to be a completely different challenge. His thick bottom lashes had gotten tangled with his upper lashes, and it took willpower to break free and finally open his eyes to see.
His sight was faded and fuzzy, at first just noticing the darkened room. It took time to focus, especially as he was in such a dimly lit room.
“Finally, you’re actually awake!” The sharp sound of someone talking loudly to him cuts his ears, and it made him wince as he reaches up to rub at his eyes wearily. His movements was sluggish and ill coordinated, but he managed to do that as the voice had jostled him awake. If anything else, he knew exactly who to blame for shouting so excitedly with no regard for the recipient.
“Kokichi, there is no need to scream so loud…” He groans, but his voice cracks and he realizes how dry his throat is. Before he’s on the verge of coughing, he feels his friend gently lift his head by holding his hand behind the nape of his neck. A lukewarm glass of water pressed against his lower lip, and from this lifted position he could carefully sip from the glass without spilling it everywhere.
Normally, he’d object to this, but he was so tired that he wasn’t certain he could even keep his head steady enough to drink the water on his own in this state.
The water was in room temperature and not exactly in good taste, but his dry throat felt much more soothed after drinking the water that Kokichi carefully poured into his mouth.
It was first after drinking that he felt his mind clear up more, even surprising himself in what a poor state he had been prior to this. Like a piece of machinery that got serviced with new oil after being cranked around for a long time in a terrible state.
The newfound clarity made him think much clearer, even if he still had ways to go. Kokichi put his head back into the newly fluffed pillows, and it felt like clouds surrounding his hurting head. His friend turned his back to him to most likely put the glass on a table by the side of the bed, and Shuichi ended up looking quietly at him. The feeling that he had forgotten something important bothered him, and his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to recollect his thoughts that were garbled around. It felt as if it had gotten tumbled in a washing machine, with all his thoughts knit into each other in one big mess.
“Wait… Kokichi..?” He felt his own voice waver, and he felt his eyes widen in shock as he tried to sit up. He finally remembered the video. The terrible video that Kokichi and Kaito had collaborated on.
The one with certainty had smashed his friends to pieces, ultimately being the death of him.
Slowly the images of the game crept up onto him, making his chest hurt until it felt numb. It felt impossible, surreal to see him so casually in front of him.
“Whazzup?” Kokichi turned around, his hands carefree behind his head. They ended up quietly staring at each other as Shuichi just tried to take it all in, and Kokichi mirrored his expression with a bottomless patience.
“You… Kokichi, you are dead .” Shuichi felt dread taking over him as he spoke, his face paling even further as he reaches up to grasp at his chest... He didn’t know what to do with the pressure, but he knew that it’s slowly breaking him apart as he braced himself to face the truth.
“Well, do I look dead to you?” Kokichi only smiles, his purple eyes looking mischievous as he moves over to sit on the bed next to him. He reaches out and places one hand over Shuichi’s, who looks utterly confused by this whole situation.
Kokichi’s hand is warm. Or maybe he’s cold himself. It’s hard to say. But there is definitively life in him. The way his hand moves to hold his in a steady grasp...
There is a faint pulse of life, and an occasional squeeze that reminds him that Kokichi is indeed there, in the flesh, next to him.
“You did it, Master Detective, you tricked them. And you should have seen their faces! Totally made up for that time for when you solved my unsolvable case. Maan… I looked forward to beating the Dangan Ronpa shits with it.” Kokichi inspected his nails on his free hand that wasn’t clasped over Shuichi’s, and he flinched as he remembered how he had completely fucked up that case by revealing the truth.
After all, if he had just backed off from the truth a little sooner, Monokuma might have been none the wiser… Then the game would have settled sooner than it did.
“Well, not like it matters!” Kokichi suddenly turned around to face him, and his eyes lit up in excitement as he suddenly grasps Shuichi's hand with both his own and squeezed down on it. “It was so much fun being on this side and see them panic as you went after them! Twitter pretty much blew up when you refused to accept hope and despair! And when you retroactively solved Kaede's case and instead put Tsumugi, the mastermind as the murderer instead!? That was genius !”
Kokichi smiled, but his enormous smile faded to something smaller, more genuine expression as he squeezes Shuichi's hand again. “And I mean this. You did real good out there Shuichi. You know… It’s okay to cry. You went through hell, and back. We’re back in the real world now, just that our memories are probably fucked up forever. But hey! Everyone from that game is fine, really. No lies for you this time, Shuichi.”
“... Everyone.. Is fine..?” It stung in Shuichi's heart again, not necessarily from sadness, but from raw, emotional pain. He reached with his free hand that still had the heart monitor attached to it to his chest, and he grasped at it as he felt a lump grow at his throat.
“Kaede is…” His voice wavered, not sure how he could take the impact of either answer.
“Kaede is fine.” Kokichi’s reply was direct, and Shuichi fumbled with his thoughts as his eyes blurred over. He felt the first tears cross his cheeks down to his chin just seconds after as he cried from what must be relief. It almost was numbing to feel a relief this big after hearing that his friend was, after all, fine.
“A-and Ran-taro..?” Still fumbling after the truth, he forced himself to face it. His chest was tangling itself into a tight knot, rendering him unable breathe as he tried to find the catch since all this was too good to be true.
“Yepp, fine too. Along with Ryoma, Kirumi, Angie, Tenko, Korekiyo, Miu, Gonta, Kaito, Keeboy and me!” For each reply, Kokichi squeezed Shuichis hand and kept holding it tightly, as if he reminded Shuichi that he was fine and still there for him. “So. It’s okay to cry .”
Shuichi was about to object, but he didn’t know how to. But before he could voice his ideas, the knot in his chest exploded and sent him gasping for air. It hurt so much, as if someone took his heart and turned it inside out. It was so hard to stay strong after all these trials, and this newfound feeling of safety and comfort made the walls around him come crashing down.
And with the walls crashing down, his emotions catched up and cascaded onto him. His free hand first grasped after the cap he should have on his head, but since it was gone he ended up covering his face with his hand as if he could shelter his cries. He was shaken to his core as his emotions flooded out and he reached down to clutch his chest where it hurt.
He felt as if it’d break and he’d be not able to hold it together, but suddenly he feels a warmth surrounding him. Kokichi had reached out to hug him, holding him together as he crumbled and felt all sense of composure disperse. As comforting as the warmth of his alive friend was, it utterly wrecked him with emotions.
If his heart had been turned inside out before, it was even more twisted with hurt as his sobbing was getting gross with loud sobs bubbling out of his throat. Pained expression twisted his face around as tears streamed down his cheeks unhinged. His face met the support of Kokichi’s shoulder, and he lost himself as he cried loudly into the white fabric, crying as he never had done before.
Slowly the numbness in his chest flared out, and after what felt like an eternity his chest felt… Much more calmer. His heart was no longer twisted and hurting like before, but instead calm and beating slowly.
His head pounded with hurt, but there was also a comforting feeling as he clung to his friend and just breathed. Kokichi had somewhere in this reached up and started stroking Shuichi’s hair, and the gentle massage of his scalp calmed him down even further.
“A-ah… I’m, sorry.” His voice was strained, and he felt his face flush as he slowly detached himself from Kokichi’s support. It was first now he realized how uncomfortable the other must have been, since he had to lean over to reach from where he had been sitting. His shoulder was also all wet and disgusting from how much Shuichi had cried, and he felt bad for having bothered him so.
“Aw, don’t worry about it my Shuichi! You just owe me a date, no big deal.” Kokichi grins as he lets Shuichi go and sits up more straight, not even reacting to the mess as he makes his proposal casually. Shuichi in turn blushed bright red as that came completely out of left field, not certain how to respond to the supreme leaders deal. Not that his face was already flushed from his recent sobbing.
“I-- when, did I agree to that?” He sniffed as his nose was thick with snot, but he was still able to voice his protest. This, even though he felt himself grow more red all across his cheeks to his ears, since he sounded ridiculously pathetic since his throat was sore again from all his wailing.
“Nishishishi, I was just kidding!” Kokichi smirks, his finger tangent with the corner of his lips in his trademark expression while he looks at Shuichi analytically. In any other position he might have inquired more into this, but his head was pounding after crying for… Too long, probably. He fell silent as he rubbed the last tears from his eyes and tried to get his bearings back.
“Or maybe not. First of all, you have to get better again Shuichi!” As Shuichi's reply lacked, Kokichi decided to tease him instead. The playful air after all this emotional outburst felt refreshing, and Shuichi found himself smiling as he looked at his previous classmate.
“Well, I won’t say no. But… Yeah, getting better first sounds like a good plan.” He looks to the side so his blush won’t be too apparent, hopefully, and looked at the monitor that monitored his heartbeat. Of course it sped up, speaking of such embarrassing things in front of his friend.
But he felt to tired to really fuss about what he said, and, he didn't mind getting to know Kokichi more if he got the opportunity to do so. He had so many questions that before had just been a dream to get any answers of, so it felt like it made perfect sense for him.
Kokichi was however stunned silent, and it took him a moment to get back on track. “Well then! I betcha that you’re reaaaaal tired after being such a crybaby. And, I bet the whole crew will be swamping you tomorrow! I promised to text everyone once you woke up sooooo….” He smiles as he brings up his phone, and he keeps talking as he writes something there. “You probably want to get a few hours of rest. I know, you’re probably dead tired of it but that’s the doctor's orders!” He don’t look up, and Shuichi sighs as he leans back against the bed again. He almost had forgotten how tired he was, and he doubted he'd be able to get up anytime soon like this.
“Is… That a lie or did the doctor actually order that.” Shuichi bites at his lip as he doubts Kokichi’s words, and he feels anxious of the thought to be left alone for the rest of the night. But if the rest of the group would be there tomorrow… Then he could do it.
However, he was surprised to suddenly feel Kokichi squirm down to lie on his side with his back against him, using his outstretched arm as a pillow.
“Who knows! I’m tired though, I haven't slept for days...” Kokichi sighs tiredly, and Shuichi looks at the back of his friends head in surprise. This time he didn’t feel like it was a lie, especially with how Kokichi resigned himself to the bed as if he truly was exhausted and couldn't keep up an energetic front for once.
“A-ah, wait..” Shuichi pulled at the covers, and after a bit of a hassle he managed to wrestle it out from under Kokichi and instead put it over them both. If he hadn’t been so exhausted, both mentally and physically, he’d maybe feel too embarrassed with sharing a bed with someone else. But he was too tired to question it, and the others presence quelled his anxiety.
In his whole life, as far as he knew, he had always lived alone. Sharing a bed was rather intimate and way off his comfort zone, but right now he didn’t want to be alone. Maybe it was this weird, fuzzy feeling after crying his heart out that made him relaxed enough to allow this intrusion into his personal space, or that he felt so much at peace with Kokichi that he didn't mind not being alone like he had always been. Or at least, for what he remembers as forever.
He could feel Kokichi’s breathing steady itself, and it didn’t take long before sleep took over himself as well. But this time it was not delirious or feverish; this time it felt peaceful, with Kokichi next to his side.