Chapter Text
“I'm fine , James!”
The words hung in the air like they were suspended by wires, stuck there with the dust and the pollen and the breath coming from James’ mouth.
The park was silent for a moment before the quiet was crushed under the sound of crackling leaves, a triplet of crunch crunch-crunch, crunch crunch-crunch .
Cane, foot-foot.
“Parker--”
“I'm not incompetent , James,” Parker snapped. “And I'm not an idiot. I’m a fucking genius . I've been taking care of myself since I was ten, and I took care of myself quite well for a long while before that, in case you've forgotten.”
James was so caught up in the sting of Parker’s words, he almost missed the way the man's hand was trembling against the handle of his cane.
Almost.
James didn't respond, however. The dead leaves beneath his feet would give away any attempts he made at getting closer, and due to the nature of their current position, James knew closer wasn't something Parker would handle well.
Instead, he watched as Parker continued to make his way across the grass, his hand always shaking.
James didn't blame Parker for these things, even though he probably should have, to some extent. Yes, Parker had gone through a traumatic event, and yes, exceptions could be made due to circumstances.
James knew that didn't give Parker the right to do this , to toy with his emotions and leave him in Limbo, feeling like a modern-day Tantalus. He simply couldn't find it within him to care .
Because this was Parker , and James knew that, whatever may happen, he would be with Parker forever.
For better or fucking worse.
“You're not Superman,” James called out. He knew it was stupid, knew he wasn't doing anything but making the situation worse, but he couldn't just stand there and watch. “You're not Superman, and you're not God, and you're not infallible. You're smart, but you're not omnipotent , and despite whatever romantic notions you may carry in that godforsaken head of yours, you're not some miserable lone wolf. You're a human being , just like everybody else, even if you do have some desperate old God complex and an ego the size of Jupiter!
“You need help, and not because you need a cane to walk! You need help because humans need help , and you're a fucking human!”
James watched as Parker spun around to face him, fury in his eyes. He watched as Parker’s ever-shaking hand lost its grip on his cane. He watched the absolute panic on Parker’s face as he lost his balance and went tumbling down, a look of pain on his face as he hit the ground.
James ran.
“Shit, shit, Parker!” he muttered as he scrambled to help his boyfriend to his feet, fervently looking him over for injuries.
Parker shoved him away, stumbling as he used his cane to steady himself. He looked at James with such anger , such disdain and resentment , that James had to take a step back. “I am fine ,” he spat. “Of all the people to worry and fuss over me like a clingy mother hen, I would’ve have expected you . I expected you to understand. Of all people , I expected you to understand.”
“What are you talking about ?” James shouted. “You always say shit like that, but you never explain what the hell you mean! Of course , I’m going to worry about you, I love you !”
“I’m tired people wearing their child gloves with me, treating me like I’m made of fucking glass, like I’ll shatter if I stub my fucking toe! The accident was three damn years ago, James! I’m in college ! I’m an adult ! I’ve been through a whole damn lot, and I sure as hell don’t need babying now . If people wanted to catch me when shit like this bothered me, they should’ve done it when I was thirteen, not nineteen!” Parker yelled. “ You should get it! How many letters did you write me about how damn irritating it was for people underestimate you just because you got sick a lot? How many rants did I sit through because ‘ Goddamn it Thomas, I’m not an invalid !’?”
Parker was red in the face, his knuckles white against his cane, his jeans stained with grass and dirt from his fall, and his hair full of leaves. James could do nothing but stare.
“What? No rebuttal? Nothing?” Parker snapped.
“I-I’m sorry--”
“ I don’t want ‘sorry’ ,” Parker hissed. “I don’t want pity or sympathy . I want you to trust me , and trust that if I need you, I’ll fucking ask.”
“But you won’t !” James argued. “You and your goddamn pride, you won’t --”
“ My pride?!”
“ Yes , your pride! You’ve changed a whole fucking lot since 1826, but one thing that hasn’t changed? Your fucking insurmountable ego !” James pointed out. “For all your ravings about Alexander’s arrogance, your head is so fucking big, I’m surprised you can fit through a fucking door! Still can’t accept that you’re a human, can you? Not some god among men.”
James noticed Parker flinching away from his words, but for once, he didn’t stop. “I thought you didn’t want the kiddie gloves, huh?” he sneered. “You want the real world? Here it fucking is! You’re Thomas Jefferson , you’ve fucked up big time , you’re not special , and you’re fucking disabled .” James stared in sick satisfaction at the look of horror on Parker’s face. “Not so fucking great, huh?”
Parker stood silent for another moment before dusting off his coat, rolling his shoulders, and pulling himself up to his full height. In that moment, he was Thomas Jefferson, all haughty disposition and contempt.
James barely noticed the miniscule grimace that danced across his face as he shifted some of his weight to his bad leg.
“I’m not looking for great ,” he snarled. “I’m looking for real .”
He didn’t even give James chance to respond, pushing past him and on towards the street.
For once, James didn’t follow.