Archive of Our Own

"Wait, are you pregnant?"

Lukas took a sip of water. "No."

Emil pointed. "You literally just took a pregnancy vitamin."

Lukas looked at the bottle of pills in his hand. "Heard it's good for your hair."

"Is it also good for fetuses, because you take those when you're pregnant and you just took one, so I'm pretty sure you're pregnant." Emil's toast was going cold on his plate. "Are you pregnant?"

Lukas opened the pantry and put the pills back next to the Aspirin and Motrin. "Haven't gotten my period."

"Wait, so you're an X-O?" *

The toast popped up, and Lukas walked over. He began to butter his toast. Emil felt like he was floating; this was surreal, this wasn't happening. Lukas' toast was going to be digested and then the nutrients were going to be passed along to a little clump of cells and help it grow.

"I didn't even know you got your period! What the hell, man!"

Lukas glanced up from his toast. "Going to get an ultrasound, if you're interested."

Emil practically recoiled. "What, like, to see the…"

Lukas raised an eyebrow.

"I… just…" Emil took a bite of his toast. "Who's the sperm belong to?" **

"Abel."

Emil choked on his toast. "The intern?!"

"He's in law school."

"Yeah, but he's an intern at your firm! He's an intern! You slept with the intern! You could get fired!"

"He's twenty-five. I'm twenty-six."

Emil threw his hands in the air. "Look, I don't know how your firm works! But I do know that…" Emil squinted. "Does Abel know?"

Lukas shrugged.

"You can't just shrug!" Emil buried his face in his hands. "You couldn't have picked anyone dumber to sleep with. He's so dumb. He owns a sword and says it's authentic from Japan. It's not, it literally says it's made in China on the hilt."

"He's in law school."

"Yeah, and there's a reason he's going into property disputes—that's remedial law! It's dumb people law!"

Abel walked into the kitchen. "What's dumb people law?"

Emil stared at Abel. "I…" He switched to staring at Lukas. "Does he know about… the… the vitamins?"

Abel stole Lukas' other piece of toast. "Oh! Vitamins?"

Lukas shrugged.

Nine Weeks

"So, like, when are you going to tell him?" Emil glanced around the waiting room, feeling vaguely nauseous at all the pictures of cloacae-uterine complexes*** on the walls. "Or is there going to be nothing to tell?"

Lukas was texting. Probably texting Abel. "He'll figure it out."

"I don't think he will."

"Give him some credit."

"Well, he didn't figure out he should use a condom, so…" Emil gave an exaggerated shrug, palms turned upwards.

A nurse stuck her head out of the door to the back. "Lukas?"

Lukas stood. "I didn't tell him I was X-O."

Every school health class Emil had ever taken suddenly shrieked at him from across his memory. "Lukas!" Emil stood and grabbed Lukas' arm. "Lukas, you can't do that!" he hissed.

Emil snapped his mouth shut when they neared the nurse, but Emil didn't let go of Lukas' arm. She smiled at them and led them back into an examination room. Emil ducked his head and glowered as Lukas hopped onto the examination table, while he sat in a little folding chair that was obviously meant for the impregnator.

All light seemed to be getting sucked into the computer monitor on the wall.

The nurse took Lukas' vital signs, and Emil was stuck staring at a little model of half-view of a uterus with a huge baby inside, its head just starting to poke down into the cloaca.

When the nurse finally left, Emil whirled on Lukas. "I cannot believe you—you—" Emil floundered. "You were so irresponsible!"

Lukas grabbed a pamphlet and started leafing through it; Stages of Development.

"Seriously—you didn't tell him you were X-O, you didn't—or aren't—going to tell him you're pregnant. Why are you being so stupid?" Emil cast a glance at the door, wary of the nurse reappearing. "I don't think Abel will appreciate it," he said in a lower voice.

Lukas stared at the pamphlet, though Emil didn't think he was actually reading it.

"Lukas!"

The door opened and a man entered. Emil looked at his crossed arms, teeth clenched.

"Hello, hello." The doctor shut the door. "I'm Dr. Tino Väinämöinen, but you can just call me Dr. Tino! And you must be Lukas Bondevik, correct? Can you just confirm your birthday for me, Lukas?"

Emil glanced up. The doctor was short and smiling, and he shook Lukas' hand with an honest sincerity. He seemed… too short to be a doctor. He looked like he smiled a lot, too; it didn't quite reach his eyes the way a real smile is supposed to.

Dr. Tino collapsed into a rolling chair, typing on his laptop. "Is this your first pregnancy, Lukas?"

"Yes."

"Alright. Did you know you were an X-O before you found out you were pregnant? It can be a shock for some people." ****

"I knew." Lukas glanced at Emil.

"And you plan on keeping the pregnancy?"

Emil stared hard back at Lukas. Please, Lukas, don't do the dumb thing. Please, just get rid of it and Emil would never, ever mention it again, and Abel wouldn't even have to know, and there would be no harm done for any of this.

"I do." Lukas shrugged and looked away from Emil. "I'd like to keep it."

"And you're aware there's a twenty-five percent risk that the fetus is nonviable?"

Lukas didn't answer.

Dr. Tino looked between Emil and Lukas, face a careful mask of neutrality. He hummed understandingly and leaned back from his computer. "The fetus may receive two copies of a Y-chromosome from you and your partner. If this happens, the fetus won't have enough genetic information to survive."

Twenty-fiver percent sounded way higher than Emil had thought. He knew it was a thing, but he hadn't been aware the chances were so high.

Dr. Tino nodded, though Lukas hadn't said anything. "You'll know within the next few weeks if something is wrong. You'll have heavy cramping and bleeding, and I want you to call the office if that happens. You may have some spotting, but that's normal during implantation of the egg into the uterine wall. You're looking for heavy cramping. *****

"On the bright side, there's a seventy-five percent chance your pregnancy is completely viable!" Dr. Tino smiled. "Now, according to your primary care doctor, your cloaca is smaller than average for an X-O. I'm guessing you didn't get tested until you were older?" ******

Dr. Tino waited for Lukas to nod.

"That's fine. Things tend to loosen up down there as the pregnancy progresses, so we'll just need to keep an eye on the diameter." Dr. Tino shut his laptop with a click. "Now, for the fun part! Do you want to try for a heartbeat and ultrasound?"

Lukas looked up. "Yes."

Dr. Tino grinned. "Now, technically the ultrasound techs can do this, but I always like doing the first ones. There are tissues on the table next to you." He winked.

No heartbeat this time, but Lukas left clutching a grainy black and white strip of film.

Fourteen Weeks

Emil sprawled out on the couch, looking through the photos. Lukas was bent over a dictionary, finger on a word, looking back and forth from the Scrabble board. They had been going to make chicken, but the smell made Lukas nauseous.

Emil had also had to take over mopping duties; the Swiffer pads, Lukas explained. But it might have just been a ruse so Emil would mop and Lukas could fuck off. Emil wasn't sure, but if he had to choose between vomit and mopping, he'd choose mopping.

"It doesn't look like much," Emil said.

"You spelled this word wrong. It's a C, not an S."

Emil sat up and threw the pictures on the table. "Bullshit, let me see." Emil squinted down at the lettering. "You know, I could be doing homework right now."

"I could be doing paperwork. Scrabble is more fun."

There was a knock at the door.

Lukas eyes flicked from Emil to the door.

Emil shut the dictionary with a loud snap.

Lukas flipped him off.

"Lukas?" Abel called from the other side of the door. "Are you home? I brought a coffee, just in case you wanted it. I told them not to put any cream or sugar in it, it's black as death, with three caffeine shots, like how you like it."

Lukas motioned frantically to the door.

Emil crossed his arms.

"Your bike is out front, but you and Emil might have gone somewhere." One knuckled wrapped on the wood again. "Did I do something? Because I'd rather you just tell me than blow me off and—"

Abel kept talking, but Lukas stood suddenly and vaulted over the couch. He pulled the door open sharply, interrupting Abel's monologue, and stood there.

"Oh!" Abel held out a coffee. "I got you a—"

"I'm pregnant."

Lukas slammed the door shut and whirled to face Emil.

Emil threw his hands in the air. "Why did you do that?" he whisper-yelled.

"I panicked," Lukas whisper-yelled back.

Emil gave him a thumbs down.

Emil turned the volume on his iPod up again and leaned over his work. Emil was working on chemistry. Chemistry sucked.

Lukas scribbled his signature on something, turned to his computer, and clicked something on the keyboard.

Abel sat underneath the table, mouth to Lukas' stomach.

"I'm telling you Lukas," Abel shouted, "you don't talk enough! The baby won't be able to learn how to speak if you don't talk! It primes the brain! Makes little baby synapsiseses fire! We need to have the smartest baby possible!"

Lukas said something Emil couldn't hear over his music.

"Really?" Abel's voice cut through the music like a bullet. "How loud do you think I need to be!?"

Emil maxed out the volume on his iPod.

Twenty Weeks

Emil held his face in his hands, curled up on the couch. "Please stop sharing facts."

Lukas patted Emil's knee and then spelled out zenith on the Scrabble board. At least Abel was losing.

"So, right now, the baby is as big as a banana." Abel flipped a page. "She can swallow now, and I guess the digestive tract is… uh…" Abel squinted.

"How are you in law school?" Emil switched a few of his letters around, frowning at the board. "I've never heard of someone with such poor reading comprehension."

"Look, I can read law stuff, but this is biology stuff." Abel held open the book to Emil. "Loo at this diagram! It's a cross section! I've never had to take a hard science in my life, not once, and I don't plan to now."

Emil spelled out idiot on the board.

Abel leaned over his book, occasionally humming. "Oh, she has kidneys now! That's cool!"

Lukas grabbed Abel's letters and switched a few around. "She always had kidneys."

Abel held out a picture. "No, look! No kidneys before twenty weeks. Next ultrasound you can see them." He grabbed his letters back and switched them back. "Speaking of the next ultrasound…"

"No." Lukas stood and walked to the kitchen.

Abel launched himself neatly over the coffee table and plopped himself next to Emil, leaning over the back of the couch to watch Lukas in the kitchen. "Please? Please, I wanna' know if I guessed right."

Lukas was pouring himself a bowl of special cereal with all the iron in it.

Emil glanced waved a lazy hand. "Hey, get me a bowl, too." He reached a leg out and pushed Abel farther away from him, careful to avoid his bare toes touching Abel's arm. No, Emil's toes only touched Abel's shirt.

Emil gave him a quick kick and returned to his phone.

Abel rolled onto his back and held the book over his head. "Are you having any leg cramps?"

Lukas returned and handed Emil a bowl of cereal. "That's personal information."

"What about discharge?"

Emil choked on the cereal. "Please."

Lukas sat in between Emil and Abel, leaning against Abel; Abel slid to the floor, and Lukas reclined triumphantly, throne reclaimed, and took a bite of cereal.

Abel sat up. "According to the book, if you don't already have cloacal discharge, you're going to get even more the closer the day comes. It helps lube—"

Emil flicked his spoon at Abel. "Stop!"

"I care deeply about this family's health—"

Emil flicked more milk at him. "That does not include cloacal discharge!"

"There is nothing wrong with—"

Lukas pointed at his stomach. "Baby's upset."

An external force completely outside of Emil's control focused all his attention on Lukas's stomach. Then, faintly, a tiny portion of Lukas' stomach (say, about the size of a tiny heel) poked outwards, then retreated. Emil had seen it all, despite Lukas' t-shirt.

Abel leaned forward. "Hey, Baby!"

Emil leaned back. "Your calm demeanor terrifies me."

Lukas shrugged. "It's cool."

Abel's hand shot out and pressed against Lukas' stomach. "Half way there, Baby! Freja, how about that name? You like that name? Kick once for yes." Abel watched intensely, careful of Lukas' cereal balanced above, on the dome of his stomach.

"There's a sixty-six percent chance it's either an X-Y or X-O, there's no way it's a girl." Emil took another bite of cereal. "I like that name, though."

Lukas considered his stomach, bowl and all. "Maybe."

Thirty Weeks

Emil stared at his phone, horrified. "They cut you open."

Lukas was sole owner of the couch now. Emil was perched on the arm, near Lukas' feet. Lukas was sprawled on his side, rubbing his stomach, sipping water. Emil reached down and squeezed his feet a few times, and Lukas let wiggled his toes.

"You're seriously having this done?" Emil looked over at him. "Because they're gonna' cut you open, you know. You're going to have staples in you. They straight up reach right in there and pop her out."

"You don't know it's a girl."

Emil rolled his eyes. "How are the contractions?"

Lukas took a sip of water. "Fine. I only get them when assholes make me run up and down the stairs to fax their shit, and only at the end of the day." He sat up, huffing. "It's my feet that are actually killing me."

Emil slid down onto the couch cushion next to Lukas. "Can wait for them to reach right up in there and pop her out, huh?"

"If my feet go back to normal, they can do it now." Lukas rested his head backwards. "I don't know what the firm is going to do without me."

Emil scoffed. "They can hire other paralegals."

"No one can get the fax machine to work besides me, because everyone is an idiot." Lukas tapped a finger against his stomach.

"So," Emil began. "Does Abel, like, live here now?"

"No."

"Because he brought a suitcase and he has a toothbrush and I'm like ninety percent sure you let him sleep in your bed." Emil pointed. "Every morning he makes a big show of complaining about how his back hurts—"

From the kitchen: "I sleep on the ground! In a sleeping bag! I ache!"

Lukas didn't even turn around. "Do your homework."

Emil put his hand on the baby and took a picture for a size comparison. "Hey, are you going to tell her she was an accident?"