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"No way... It can't be." Akira could barely even hear Ann's voice; his ears were still ringing from the explosion while his mind remained as smoky as the air. "Come on, what the hell, Ryuji..." He was staring into the water, his mind completely failing him.
"RYUJI!" Ann's scream jolted him back to reality. He didn't bother to look behind him at his teammates, just stepped onto the railing and prepared to dive in-
"Akira!" Yusuke cried, grabbing onto his wrist to keep him still.
Morgana hissed, "Don't do it! Joker..." His normally steady tone cracked. "He's gone... And the Palace is crumbling-"
Akira didn't have time for this; he jerked his arm away from Yusuke, hearing the other boy grunt as he lost his grip, and in that same motion, Akira dove into the water.
"H-Hey! Get back here!" Futaba weakly attempted to call out to him, her words drowned out in loud splashes as Akira rushed over to the spot beneath where Ryuji had last been seen.
"NO!" Ann howled, making to go after him; Makoto and Haru held her back, both being extra careful now to keep from making the same mistake Yusuke had. "NO! WE CAN'T LOSE YOU, TOO, DAMMIT!!!"
In a heart-breakingly soft voice, Makoto whispered, "He's not coming back."
Even as they evacuated the Palace, the sound of Ann's sobbing remained clear in all of their heads.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The water was ice-cold, but that was a blessing; the frigid temperature cleared his head enough for him to abandon his emotions and focus solely on finding Ryuji. Never in his life had his movements been so desperate and focused; no matter how high the stakes were in a battle, he'd always kept a notion of self-preservation. That was gone now. The only thing that mattered was saving him.
He kept his head below the water, ignoring his lungs plaintive screams for air and the sting of saltwater in his eyes- Ryuji. He had to find Ryuji.
Akira wasn't swimming, he was killing himself in an attempt to get through the water faster than humanly possible, even in the Metaverse. The water became warmer and murkier the closer he got to the burning ship, but even though the hazy water he saw that familiar flash of yellow hair- with renewed vigor, he closed the distance between them- the second he grabbed onto the leather of his Phantom Theif outfit was the second the world began to warp from the Palace being destroyed.
Acting on pure instinct, he pulled Ryuji up to his chest with one arm, using his free hand to rip off his mask, screaming out Arsene's name as the world vanished.
Despite the countless masks Akira wore, his true persona was perfectly in sync with his wishes; without even having to communicate his desires, black wings unfurled around them, the only light coming from Arsene's scarlet, burning eyes.
Only now did Ryuji open his own eyes, the pain in them clear. Only now did Akira notice how charred his clothes were, the burns covering his face from the flames of the explosion. His breathing was weak, and they were so close together Akira could feel his heartbeat, getting slower by the moment.
Akira closed his eyes, murmuring, "Persona," and feeling even more of his own energy dissipate as Arsene used Dia- vaguely, he remembered asking Yusuke to make that skill card for him. Strange, how the most random of memories always seemed to come back when you were about to fucking die.
Now that the adrenaline had left him, Akira could feel his entire body's vivid agony from how reckless he had been in going after Ryuji, feel his mental stability waver from how close they'd been to dying, and even more devestating, how close he'd been to losing Ryuji, and oh fuck he was about to pass out but he didn't stop casting Dia until Ryuji's skin had cleared and his eyes refocused.
"A-Akira?" Thank God for that voice, the one thing keeping Akira from passing out right here and now. "Wh-Where are we?" He tilted his head frantically, struggling to see in the minute amount of red light. "What happened?"
Hollowly, his leader replied, "Shido's Palace just vanished while we were still there. I'm pretty sure we're either dead right now or we will be soon." Ryuji was used to deadpan jokes by now, but this obviously wasn't one. Akira continued, "Are you alright?"
"Y-Yeah. H-Hey- Your face is bleedin'!" Where Akira's mask had been was a mess of thick, crimson blood, the skin completely ripped away, scarlet seeping down his face, some of it plopping onto Ryuji. Didn't you only bleed like this the first time you summoned your Persona...?
Akira's gray eyes narrowed, his hands moving to Ryuji's shoulders. "Oh, don't you dare pretend to be worried about me." His grip tightened as his voice raised, his eyes practically burning like his Persona's. "You could have died out there. Fuck, you probably did."
Ryuji's eyes widened; Akira had never cursed like that before, nor sounded like this. "D-" He stopped as it all came back to him; the boat approaching, the explosion, the pain, the water... His mouth went agape. "D-Did you go after me?"
Akira's nails were digging in so hard Ryuji could feel it through his armor. "Are you fucking kidding me? Of course I did!" Ryuji bit his lip; truly, Akira had NEVER been- well, of course he'd been emotional around Ryuji before, but that had always only showed through little things, like a quiver in his voice or a slump in his posture- not once had he shown it so overtly. "Why the fuck did you do that?!?"
Ryuji winced. "I-I had to! I'm the fastest runner and-"
"AND WHAT?!? Makoto and Futaba are fucking genuises! They would have figured something out if you'd gave them time!" The corner of his eye twitched, making blood slip onto his dark lashes. "You're supposed to be my best friend! You're supposed to KNOW me, Ryuji! Akechi..." His voice shook as his eyes glazed with tears. "Yes, he was a dick, but he was still part of this team! Don't you know how fucking hard it was for me to have him die? Akechi, the boy that tried to fucking kill me! Even after that, it tore me apart to lose him! AND THEN YOU OF ALL PEOPLE HAVE THE FUCKING NERVE TO DO THAT TO ME?!?" Forget emotional; Akira had downright snapped, his eyes wide and unstable like a wild animal's, completely foreign from the reassuring gray looks Akira used to direct towards him.
Ryuji's lower lip was trembling. "It- It wasn't like that, man! I just, I wanted to save you guys-"
"BY GOING ON A FUCKING SUICIDE MISSION?!?" Akira sobbed, something inside of him collapsing as his grip on Ryuji tightened. "You could have died... We might both be dead... Y-You might be dead..."
Ryuji's breath hitched; something inside of him was shattering as he watched Akira cry. "H-Hey, man, don't cry! It's... d-don't cry-"
And just like that, he was pissed again. "You knew you were going to die, didn't you?"
"What? No-"
"You're fucking lying." Akira spat the words out, his eyes blazing with fury... and then it left, leaving nothing but emptiness. "This is my fault..." His voice was hollow.
Ryuji frantically shook his head. "Dude, you're overreacting! I wasn't tryin' to 'effin kill myself-"
Akira's expression hardened. "Remember the first day we met? You tried to get me to leave while you stayed there to die on your own."
"Y-You're actin' crazy!" Ryuji's voice was bewildered. "That wasn't trying to friggin' off myself, I was just protecting you-"
"You didn't even know me."
"But I couldn't let you die!"
He went on like Ryuji hadn't spoke. "What about your mom? What would she have done without you? Fuck, what's she going to do now that you'll probably never come back?"
At this, the fight practically evaporated from him; Ryuji went still, leaning against Aresne's wings without breaking Akira's hold on him. The ravenette continued, "And what about Ann? The way she was screaming just now... It was the same way she did when Shiho jumped, how could you do that to her?"
Ryuji's teeth were clamped down on his lip, his eyes not meeting Akira's. "And the rest of us- we all love you, Ryuji. You think anyone in the Phantom Thieves isn't going to be fucking traumatized if you die?"
A single drop of blood rolled down the blond's chin from how hard he was biting his lip now, his jaw clenched tight enough to hurt; Akira continued, his tone even more plaintive, "And what about me? H-How could you leave me? And even if you're sick of me and the Phantom Theives, your mom-"
"SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" Akira stiffened; even Arsene gasped. Tears were swelling up in those normally jovial brown eyes as Ryuji snarled, "You wanna know what the fuck it would be like for my mom if I wasn't here anymore? She'd get a chance to be fuckin' happy! She'd be sooo much better off without me! You don't understand... The way she looked, when she thought she'd f-failed me..." His voice was no longer angry, but Akira wished it was; that was so much better than the hopeless, resigned tone he now had. "How exhausted she is when she comes back from work- all she ever does is WORK, and I'm too stupid and useless to make good enough grades and help her... And s-sometimes, when she thinks I'm asleep, I hear her crying and-" His words cracked on a sob; Akira opened his mouth to speak, to try to console him, but Ryuji cut him off. "And Ann- I knew what was going on with her and Kamoshida. And you know what? I did NOTHING! FUCKING NOTHING!!! Now she's even more depressed and Shiho almost fuckin' died and I SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING!"
"There was nothing you could do-"
"SHUT UP!" Ryuji shrieked hysterically, his body convulsing violently. "You know goddamn well there's always somethin' you can do! Oh, and the rest of the team, they're definitely gonna miss me!" His tone switched to a surprisingly accurate Morgana mimic: "Huh, I guess you are good for something, Skull! They all think I'm a useless, stupid, worthless piece of shit! They'd, they'd ALL be better off without me-"
"Don't say that-"
"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP AKIRA!!!" Akira involuntarily cringed back; his voice, it reminded him of... No, that didn't matter...
Ryuji's body went still at his reaction. "...And that's another reason the world would be better off without me." His voice didn't have pain anymore, just a cold, matter-of-fact tone you'd use to say a basic truth. "Screaming at my best friend like that... Kamoshida's right, y'know. I've Googled it. Abuse begets abuse begets abuse. One day I'll be just like my dad. Dying will save... I don't know, my kid, my wife, someone that I'll eventually end up hurting."
"And what about me?"
"Please. You'd get the fuck over it."
A fresh tear left those gray eyes. "You really think that?"
Ryuji looked away again, more tears flowing down his face as well. "Everyone fuckin' loves you and you're good at everything, you don't need me-"
"You're my best friend! You know I would do ANYTHING for you!"
"You're just sayin' that cuz you have to!" Ryuji snapped. "You didn't care before, did you? After that day we talked and my Persona changed, you never talked to me again! Not once! And you didn't even try to get the track team to stop kickin' my ass! I'm not as stupid as everyone 'effin thinks, Akira, I know you don't care about me that much!"
Something inside of him... broke. "Oh my god... R-Ryuji... You're right. I... I never should have- I'm so sorry, Ryuji, please forgive me-"
Ryuji sobbed, fervently shaking his head. "You don't have to aplogize. I'm the one that holds everyone down. I... If..." His tone dipped to barely even a whisper when he confessed, "I... If I died to save you guys, maybe my life wouldn't be so worthless after all."
For a moment, the world was silent; then Akira yanked him closer, gently pressing Ryuji's head to his chest. "Stop, please, stop, I can't, c-can't bear to hear you talk like that..." Ryuji neither spoke nor moved. "Please, just listen to me. I'm sorry, Ryuji I'm s-so, so s-sorry..."
Akira stopped for a moment, struggling to keep his voice semi-steady as more tears rushed down. "I don't know where to start... Your mom... The reason she works like that is because she loves you. S-She lives for you... She might be working hard, but that's because she loves you so much. If you left... she'd be all alone... And I've talked to Ann and Shiho. Neither one of them blame you for what happened in the slightest. There was genuinely nothing you could do about that..."
"I sh-shouldn't have told you all of this..."
Akira tightened his hold. "R-Ryuji, please, you can tell me anything." He buried his face in the top of Ryuji's head; normally he'd consider the fact that he was getting tears and snot all over the poor boy's hair, but both he and Ryuji were currently too emotional to notice or care. "I... I didn't want to say anything, and I thought if I avoided you, you'd never find out...I promise, I missed you every day-"
"Find out what?" Ryuji asked softly.
"I'm in love with you."
A moment of silence followed Akira's soft confession; Ryuji broke it with a sob, finally returning Akira's embrace. "R-Really?"
"Yes... I'm sorry-"
"I love you, too. It... h-hurt so much, to think you'd just got bored of me n' shit... A-Akira-"
He ran his hand down Ryuji's back in an attempt to reassure him. "I'm sorry, I'm... I'm here now, Ryuji. I'm sorry." His grip on the blond was so strong and reassuring, like a ... security blanket for a child or something. Ryuji felt so... safe. Akira took a deep breath; he hadn't finished his rant before he'd confessed. "I know... how hard it has to be for you. Your father..."
Ryuji sobbed harder, immensely glad he didn't have to look at Akira right now. For some reason, he was spilling out all the contents of his soul to the boy that, mere moments ago, he'd been sure would only care a little bit if he disappeared for good. "It's p-pathetic, but I still think about that shit every fuckin' day... Why would he do that to her... to me..." He sobbed harder, his shoulders shaking violently. "He was s'posed to care about us and protect us and, I know it isn't, everyone says it isn't, but I feel like it's my fault, like if I hadn't been such a worthless, stupid piece of shit he would have cared about us, and why, I, I can't stop thinking about it, everyday, it's always on the back of my mind and god Akira I can't..." His words dissolved into more crying.
Akira moved his other hand to the back of Ryuji's hair, reassuringly brushing it with his fingers. "I know... I'm sorry, Ryuji, you... You didn't deserve to go through that..." All he wanted to do was cry at this point; seeing Ryuji this... broken was sucking out his soul. "It's a dumb fucking excuse, but remember when the track team started running their mouths to you and I said I'd sh-shut them up? You got so... freaked out...and I know you don't like violence, and I just... When that happened, I didn't do anything..." He closed his eyes, then asserted through gritted teeth, "But I'm not letting anyone fucking hurt you again. And, the rest of the team... They don't really mean it, they just don't know when to stop, but I'm not going to let them talk like that anymore.''
"D-Don't... I don't wanna be an 'effin pussy-"
"Ryuji. I'm not letting anyone make you feel like this again."
The blond had to admit, the idea of Akira protecting him was... definitely nice. "Th-Thank you..."
"I'm sorry. You deserve someone that treats you way better than I did."
Ryuji smiled. "N-No... I'm... I'm really happy, man. I had no idea... I... I love you so much, you know that?"
To both Ryuji and Arsene's surprise, Akira started laughing from sheer felicity. "I love you, too. I promise, things'll be better from now on..." His brow furrowed. "Assuming we still have a future." He glanced up, meeting Arsense's eyes. "Where are we?"
"Hmmm. I belive you are currently residing in a plane between dream and reality, mind and matter-"
"Don't tell me..."
Arsene chuckled. "I also believe you two have talked enough for now; it is time to go forth and meet your next... challenge." Slowly, his wings unfurled, and, like the asshole both Akira and all his Personas secretly were, let them land painfully on the floor of Akira's cell in the Velvet Room.
"Ahh, shit!" Ryuji groaned, pushing himself up into a sitting position; his face was puffy from crying so much, but there were no burns and his eyes were brighter than Akira had ever seen them.
Akira tore his attention away and glanced to the bars, expecting to see Igor behind the desk and the twins glaring at him from either side of his own cell; instead, Igor was nowhere to be found and Justine was attempting to reassure a sobbing Caroline, who moved her tear-flooded face off of Justine's shoulder to stare at them when she heard Ryuji's voice.
Justine sighed. "I'm afraid you've both met your demise. Inmate, your rehabilitation will never be complete-"
"Justine!" Caroline cried, turning to her sister. "He... I..."
"What is it, Caroline?" Akira asked as Ryuji watched in confusion.
"Damn it! Know your place, Inmate!" Even when she slammed her nightstick against the bars again, her tone lacked its usual spite. "I..." She roughly brushed her face clean with the back of her hand. "That was so... pure..." She re-focused on Justine. "Giving them one more chance won't hurt."
Justine's eye went wide. "But our master-"
"Doesn't have to know!" Caroline obejcted. "Please?"
Justine frowned. "Well... He did go through all of those trials for us..."
"Yes! And it'll just be this once! It will not harm anything!"
A smirk spread across her sister's face. "I never expected a bit of romance could make you behave this way..."
Caroline's face flushed pink. "Shut up!" She whirled back to Akira, slamming her baton against the bars again. "This is a one-time deal, Inmate! Fail again and you'll go to a whole new form of hell I'll make just for you! Got it?"
"Yes, ma'am!"
"And not a word of this to our master." Justine added.
"Of course."
"And you better take good care of him like you said, or else!" Caroline snarled, gesturing towards Ryuji on the word "him."
Akira smiled as Ryuji's face flushed, opening his mouth to cry out, "Hey-!"
"Hush, Other Inmate!" Caroline's eye flicked back to Akira. "Now get the hell out before I change my mind!"
"Thank you." Akira stood, helping Ryuji up and holding his hand as he led him out.
Their return to the real world was different than what Akira was used to; they landed in a patch of grass a slight distance away from where they'd first entered Shido's Palace. After Ryuji had complained about landing on his ass, he glanced to Akira and gasped, "Where- wait, was that that Velvet Room place you mentioned?"
"Indeed."
Ryuji nodded, then broke into hysterically joyful laughter. "Can you belive it, man? We're alive!"
Akira chuckled, squeezing his shoulder. "I'm glad to see you smile again."
Ryuji's face flushed pink. "It's kinda hard not to, after findin' out you..." His blush intensified.
Akira smirked, ruffling his hair. "I love you."
Ryuji raised his hand to his mouth so Akira couldn't see the goofy, stupid grin etched onto his face. "I love you, too. Now let's get back to the others before they leave us behind."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leaving wasn't really on anyone's mind.
All four of the girls were crying. Haru and Makoto were holding each other, both quiet as their tears dripped down their faces; Futaba was leaning against the bars of the gate, her face buried between her knees as she sobbed, her vivid orange hair swishing around from the force of her weeping; and Ann was curled up in a ball on the concrete, wailing in that heart-breaking way you'd hear while in a hospital and know someone had just lost their entire world. Yusuke was leaning against the bars, a distance away from Futaba, holding the legislator's pin and staring at it in overt shock. Morgana sat, his head and shoulders hunched while his tail thrashed, a million emotions flooding him but not a single one of them postitive.
"Hey, guys!" Everyone jumped, looking towards the source of the voice; Ryuji was casually walking towards them, Akira a step behind.
Immediately, the Phantom Theives had circled around them, their eyes wide in shock.
"You guys didn't die...?" Haru breathed, her eyes reminiscent of a kid who had just found out Santa was real after all.
" 'Course not." Ryuji grinned, patting Akira's shoulder. "Not with this guy here."
Ann shook her head, pale hair bouncing. "I- You... Why the hell were you guys gone so long?!? Do you understand how heartbroken we were?!?"
"It's okay." Ryuji assured with that stupid smile she loved and hated. "Calm down. It's okay, now, right? Besdies, your crying face is soooo not cute!"
At this, everyone gasped; Ann looked like she'd been slapped. "It's your damn fault!" Her hand went out-
-and, like a fucking phantom from how smooth the gesture was, Akira sidled between the pair and gently grabbed her wrist. "He just sacrificed himself to save us." After a moment of meeting her already-guilty eyes, he turned back to Ryuji. "I love you to death and I know you were trying to lighten the mood, but that was very tactless."
If this was a video game, exclamation points and question marks would have appeared around their teammates' heads. "Did... you just say you love him?" Morgana repeated in shock.
Akira smiled, gently releasing Ann's wrist in favor of grabbing Ryuji's hand. "Of course."
They all woukd have seen it as another (and even more tactless, given the current situation) joke if not for the splotches of pink on Ryuji's cheek and the soft smile Akira directed towards him.
Ann's previously murderous expression changed to one that was... semi-normal, at least. "That's so.... cute!" She laughed, the sound semi- no, just straight-up hysterical.
"Y-Yes. Congratulations." Yusuke agreed, nodding approvingly.
"I- I'll have to make you two a bouquet to celebrate!" Haru chimed in, wiping away her tears.
"Hey!" Morgana objected. "Joker, you're kidding, right? You can't want to date someone that stupid-"
Akira's expression hardened. "Watch it, Morgana."
Makoto moved a hand to her lips to hide a snicker, not from the situation but from the way Morgana's normally composed countenance changed to one of utter disbelief; everyone else would have stayed silent on their amusement as well, had Futaba not whistled (her own tone a bit hysteric), "Hooo, boy! He told you, Morgana! Inari, get over here, he's gonna need some ice for them burns!"
Now everyone was holding back laughter, except Haru, as she was rapidly assuring Morgana that that had been a joke, please don't be upset, we love you we're all just very stressed out right now and Futaba is having a Futaba moment-
Morgana cleared his throat. "Okay, okay, enough of this. I think it's time for Joker to go to sleep."
"Oh, come on, Morgana! We should celebrate! With ice cream! And cake and cookies and-"
"Lady Ann-"
She looked at him pleadingly; Morgana sighed, "Fiiiine..."
Ann smiled, stroking behind his ears while the rest of the group started to chatter happily. Akira focused on Ryuji, his smile broad. "See what you could have missed? This is why you can't... give up."
Ryuji nodded slowly. "Yeah... I was dumb."
"No. We were. We should have treated you better and realized what was going on... But we will from now on." He laughed softly. "I think Ann and I are going to have to invest in some of those water bottles you spray cats with. You and Morgana's bickering has to be stopped on both sides at all costs."
"H-Hey! You are not gonna treat me like a cat!" They were both laughing, and without any warning at all Akira pulled him in for a kiss.
It only lasted a moment before Futaba yelled, "Hey! Nobody wants to see that!" They hastily broke away, both surprised to see the other Phantom Thieves already on their way, following Ann as she marched to her favorite sweets store. "And you're going to be late~!" Without waiting for a response, the hacker skipped after the others- literally skipped.
"Uh..." Ryuji glanced forward to Morgana, who was being carried in Haru's arms. "You think he's gonna be okay?"
"Don't worry." Akira assured him, adoring how sweet Ryuji always was. "I'll buy him sushi and we'll talk tonight before he forces me to go to sleep. And then I'll text you at about two in the morning and send some stupid memes, okay?"
Ryuji snickered. " 'Course."
Akira smiled, quickly kissing his cheek before saying, "Let's go."
They held hands the entire way; when they caught up, Futaba started to hum that wedding song while Haru began to suggest flower arrangements with deep meanings for their wedding and Yusuke gushed over the clothing designs they should choose for that special day.
"Already planning out our damn wedding." Akira muttered to Ryuji with that familiar smirk. The blond laughed, squeezing his hand; Akira had once made him feel free, but even then, there'd still been the shackles of trauma, always on the back of his mind. They were still there even now, but this was Akira Kurusu, Joker, leader of the fucking Phantom Theives; if he could literally steal people's hearts, (Ryuji's included) there was no doubt he could one day nab the keys someday soon that would finally relinquish any lingering hurt in Ryuji's mind.