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Bill sat in Richie's room, back against the end of the bed, legs spread on the floor. He stared at the carpet and rubbed it a little with his hand. He never hung out alone with Richie, but he felt like he needed to after their fight. His thoughts wandered about freely, reminding him about the horrible past experiences of his brother being gone, the loser club breaking up, and now telling him that he was never going to have another chance at happiness.
"Whatcha' thinking bout big Bill? Don't think too hard, you'll bust a nut." Richie said as he entered the room and closed the door behind him. He noticed how beat down his friend looked and he wanted to cheer him up. He bent down and sat down in front of Bill. He frowned when he realized that Bill was stuck in his sad own world. He waved his hand in front of Bill's face.
"Earth to Bill!" He said louder becoming slightly concerned. Bill jolted up and looked into Richie's eyes.
"O-o-oh sorry." He said faking a smile.
"Bill what is wrong? You look like you just saw your mom naked." Richie said while searching for the slightest bit of affection from his friend.
"I'm f-f-fine." Bill lied and tried avoiding eye contact when Richie grabbed Bill's chin and turned it so they were facing each other. Richie felt himself start to swoon over bill's grey and blue eyes.
"No you're not asshat, tell the truth." Richie demanded trying to sound tough, but he just sounded silly. Bill's mouth started to curl into a frown and he looked out the window. He remembered what the voices in his head called him. Worthless. Stupid. And the worst yet: weak. He closed his eyes as those words played on repeat inside his head. He cupped his ears and started to sway. Then he started to cry, tears just pouring out him. Richie saw this and immediately grabbed bill's shoulder to stop his violent shaking. He knew a panic attack when he saw one as he had many of them before. He hugged him and then gently moved Bill's head into his lap, and then began stroking his hair to try and calm him down.
"Shhhh. It's okay now Bill. I'm here. You're okay." Richie whispered in Bill's ears. "Fight your demons Bill, you're strong. You can do this." Richie tried to be encouraging, but he wasn't too good at it. "Now, tell me what you see." He kept rubbing Bill's head. Bill was still shaking a little, but Richie's embrace was making him feel a tad bit better.
"I don't s-s-see anything. I-I-I only hear the v-voices." Bill replied. A rush of pain jolted through Richie and he let a small tear slip from his eye, running down his cheek onto bill's soft locks.
"K-keep going." Richie was starting to break down, but he knew he needed to stay strong for Bill's sake.
"They say b-b-bad things about m-me." Bill said in monotone. "T-that I am n-nothing w-worth s-s-saving. That I f-f-failed the party. That I f-f-failed G-G-Georgie." Bill's voice broke multiple times while he was speaking. Richie was livid. Frustrated that Bill was reciting these lies.
"Their fucking lies Bill! Their fucking lies and you know it." Richie said pulling Bill up to face him at eye level. Bill thought for a moment, even though he was alive he felt like dead weight in his best friend's arms. Bill rested his head on Richie's shoulder and wrapped his arms around his waist.
"It's true R-R-Richie. I-I-It really is. I couldn't s-save Georgie, and I c-caused the party to b-b-break apart." Bill coughed out the words, sobbing into Richie, matting his floral button up with his tears.
"No it's not!" Richie practically screamed back. He pushed Bill backwards to look into his arms. "Stop saying that!" Richie shook Bill violently and hoped that this would cure him. "You did not cause the loser club to break up, if anything you tried to keep it together! And you have to stop blaming yourself about Georgie. Yes it's tragic what happened and we all miss him, but it wasn't your fucking fault." Richie spat out the words in a big rush. "Everything happens for a goddamn reason Bill." Richie took a big breath and let it out slowly. Bill let out a long sigh and wiped his leftover tears with his right hand.
Richie grabbed Bill's left hand and engulfed it in his two hands. He held it there for a few seconds then flopped it around playfully attempting to conceal the fact that he just held hands with a guy, let alone his best friend. Richie struggled to hide his cheeks which were flushed red from embarrassment, while his mind was flustered on what to say. He looked down and saw that they were still holding hands. They looked up at the same time and then bumped heads. Bill groaned and then let go of Richie's hand to rub his aching forehead.
"Sorry man!" Richie sad trying to be nonchalant. Truthfully his heart was beating out of his chest. Bill looked into Richie's eyes like he was searching for something. Richie took off his glasses and started cleaning them off.
"Y-y-your freckles." Bill said shyly pointing at Richie's face which was covered in glorious freckles. Bill was so close to him that he could count every single one of them.
"What about them?" Richie asked confused but intrigued.
"I've never realized how many you h-have. They're-" Bill stopped himself. He became aware that he was staring at Richie, and he was about to tell him that his face was breathtaking. 'What am I doing' He thought to himself.
"You were saying" Richie nodded on, curious to see what Bill was gonna say. 'Oh what the hell!' Bill thought.
"T-t-they're breathtaking! You're absolutely b-breathtaking Richie." Bill said this with confidence and then he looked at Richie to see his reaction. Richie was big eyed, full of shock and confusion.
"Shit I'm s-sorry! I don't know why I even s-said that. Just f-f-forget it!" Bill said looking down at his one hand which was still intertwined with Richie's. Bill started to pull back and he adverted his eyes across the room. Richie just stared at him.
"D-don't look at me like that! I'm not f-fucking queer man!" Bill replied. Just then Richie pulled Bill's arms towards him, and threw his lips onto Bill's. Bill was shocked, but quickly relaxed into the kiss. Richie practically smashed his lips against Bill's over and over again. A few moments later Bill pulled back.
"You're not too shabby for a non-queer." Richie teased leaning into Bill's chest staring up at him while chuckling. He had major heart eyes. So did Bill, but Richie was proud that he had initiated the kiss.
"Maybe for you. But d-damn Tozier, thought you had enough practice with my m-m-mom to know how to kiss properly." Bill teased back with a big snort and a laugh. Richie playfully punched Bill in the stomach. Then Bill gently kissed Richie's forehead. Richie smiled to himself and nuzzled into his best friend's lap. Happy for once. No thought of those they had lost lingered around, and no guilt was left hanging in the air.
It was clear to him now that what he had said earlier was true, everything does happen for a reason.